Make It Without You
by alwaysbringback-up
Summary: "You know what you're doing is wrong. You promised yourself that you would never be the other woman, the mistress, but for some reason you just can't let her go. The way she looks at you with those brown eyes has you slowly dying inside." SwanQueen. Diverges from Canon after Emma is freed from the darkness in Season 5. Warning: will be heavy in angst!
1. Make It Without You

Title: Make it Without You  
Category: TV Shows » Once Upon A Time  
Author: Alwaysbringback-up  
Language: English, Rating: Rated: M (for language and sexual themes)  
Genre: Angst/General

Make it Without You

 **Pairing:** SwanQueen

 _ **Disclaimer: I don't own any part of the OUAT universe. All characters belong to Adam and Eddie, the show's creators. I promise that my writing is done purely for recreational purposes only. No ill harm is intended.**_

 _ **A/N: This is pretty angst-filled, even for me. I have all of it written, so I will be updating periodically. I've rated it M, because there will be sex in this story. Without further ado, let's get started. I truly hope you like it!**_

* * *

 _This is the starting of my fall from grace_  
 _My self esteem, oh it's seen better days_  
 _But you know I'll never let this go to waste_

Emma felt her thoughts drift aimlessly as she stared into the wall on the far side of the room. She could hear the second hand of the clock tick away on the wall, but paid no mind to it. To be honest, there were days that the 'tick' 'tick' 'tick' of the clock was just about enough to drive her up a wall. But today? Today wasn't one of them. After all, in order to be annoyed by something, you had to be aware of it. Emma's mind had been wandering for hours. Initially, the blonde had dabbled in memory, but now her mind seemed to be enveloped in daydreams. Emma's eyes, which had been staring at one particular spot on the far wall for the last 17 minutes, finally drifted shut.

She heard Archie's voice ramble on in her mind, as loudly and as clearly as if he were sitting right next to her. ' _Take a deep breath, Emma. That's it. That's it. Now, I want you to focus on the world around you_.' Emma let out a deep breath, her whole body relaxing. ' _Focus on the sensation of the chair at your back. Feel how it supports you, how it pushes back. Good. Now follow that pressure down down down to the tips of your toes, and-._ '

Emma's eyes instantly sprang open, as her phone started going off with an abrupt chirp on her desk. Archie's voice instantly vanished, and Emma felt the relaxation she'd felt just a moment ago vanish in lieu of something much less welcome. Panic. She reckoned it had very little to do with her current mind-state, and everything to do with the manner in which she'd been reintroduced to the world of the living. Still, Emma hated it. Just when she thought she was getting somewhere, all of it seemed to slip away from her.

Emma let out a breathless gasp as she instantly scrambled out of her chair, and started rooting frantically around her freshly cleaned desk for a phone that had somehow become buried. Finally, she pushed a stack of papers a hair to the left, and found it, buzzing away on the wooden surface. Emma scooped it up, and hesitated as she saw the name etched colorfully onto the display. Emma's breath stalled, as her mind tried to decide what to do.

Emma felt herself stiffen as she took in the ticking of the clock on the wall for the first time in hours; the sound served as a sort of reminder that time stopped for no one. Emma felt her phone pulse in her hand, as her breath hitched in her throat. Sure, she could answer. But Emma knew that the second she said a word, the brunette would know something was wrong. She couldn't afford to let that happen. Regina had plenty of things to worry about already, and Emma knew the last thing that she needed was to add Emma's problems to the list as well. Emma's forefinger groped for the button on the side of the device, and pressed it, her decision made. Emma felt a pain lance through her chest as the call was declined, and the screen went dark. In a fit of anger, Emma tossed the device onto her desk and turned away. Her heartbeat thundered in her ears, for several frantic pulses, then the sound began to fade and was replaced by something else. Emma placed her hands on her hips, as she suddenly struggled to breathe. She closed her eyes and waited for the feeling to pass.

Still, the maddening 'tick' 'tick' 'tick' of the clock pounded away on the wall. Emma was pretty sure that the clock had been placed there as a means of getting into the heads of the criminals who were unlucky enough to find themselves in lock-up for the night. But she had yet to look into that particular notion, or tear the clock from the wall with her own weary fingers.

Emma swallowed thickly as she found herself dwelling on one particular emotion that had been growing increasingly troublesome as of late, and tried to pick it out. For the longest time, she had refused to acknowledge what it was. But now? Now it was time for her to face up with it. For a while, Emma thought that maybe she could cover up her feelings...that the meditation would serve as a means of exorcising those particular demons from her mind. But it was clear, now, that she just didn't get that luxury. She was the sole Sheriff in a town full of fairy tale characters that had magic. She was lucky if she had enough time to herself for a good meal and a good night's sleep.

* * *

You might be wondering what particular emotion was haunting our good Sheriff.

That answer is easy enough, to say the least. Emma was experiencing disappointment.

Oh, disappointment. Never has there been so much sentiment conveyed in one simple word (well, except for one very specific four letter word, but that's a conversation for another day). Disappointment. It is a powerful and loathsome emotion. The word itself speaks of intense regret and failure. And yet, such a description doesn't quite do justice to it. Perhaps, what really needs to be said about this particular emotion is that it is dangerous. It has a unique ability to make a person despise themselves, to loathe themselves on the deepest possible level. This particular emotion, and the devastation it brings, is immeasurable. It destroys lives.

In her lifetime, Emma Swan had been many things; an abandoned newborn, a foster kid nobody wanted, a high school dropout, a runaway, a teen mother, a thief, an incarcerated and very pregnant young woman, a Sheriff, a lover, a denier, a believer, and a daughter, but somehow she felt like more of a disappointment at present than she ever had before. She felt it at the very core of her being, but for whatever reason she also felt powerless to stop it. She kept making the same mistake over and over again. And she knew that in her heart of hearts that if anyone _knew_ what she was doing they would be ashamed of her. But worst of all, she was afraid of her parents finding out. Her parents were the very picture of morality, of goodness. And now? Now they had a daughter committing the very worst of sins. For the longest time, all Emma wanted was to exert her independence, to push back against the sudden and almost suffocating concern that her parents had for her these last few years. Now, she would give anything to give it back, to not be ashamed of the person she'd become. But it was too late. In life there are no such things as a do over.

As many have discovered, it is nearly impossible to find the perfect balance between being independent and eliciting pride in those that you love the most.

...

You can feel the guilt start to eat away at you and consume you until it's almost too much.

...

Emma Swan did her best to grit her teeth and bare it. After all, she was no stranger to disappointment. She was used to being disappointed in others, and she was equally used to being the source of it, as well. Maybe this anguish that she felt, the sort of emotional pain that followed her around taunting her every waking moment, was her punishment...her cross to bear.

Emma had spent much of her adolescence feeling like less than a human being. After all, she had grown up in the system, while constantly being told (in no uncertain terms) that she was worthless. And even when the words weren't explicitly used, they were implied, for actions spoke louder than all. She watched as kids that were much younger and cuter than her, get adopted by families. She called it they puppy adoption syndrome. Because who in their right mind would chose an older dog over an adorable, doting puppy?

Being bounced around the foster system did little to assuage her feelings of inferiority. By the time she was ten, she'd been through no fewer than ten foster homes. And it just so happened that one of her foster parents had told her, in between strikes, that she was a mistake and that she shouldn't even exist. Despite all of the healing she'd done in the last few years since finding her _real_ family, part of Emma still believed that she was unworthy of, and never really would find a love of her own. After all, how _could_ anyone really love a mistake, and a screw up like her?

...

Many people say that there comes a time in your life that you find something worth fighting for.

The truth is, Emma Swan was completely unprepared for _this_ moment. When it happened, she only had a split second to make her choice, to react to it. Now, she would give anything to go back and... Damn, she can't really say that she'd change it, because she doesn't know if she really could. She acted with her heart, with her soul. How did something so innocent, wind up turning into something like this?

The fact is, when faced with this opportunity, you must make a choice (and yes, sometimes inaction counts as a choice). Either you turn your back on it and let it go, or you go after it with everything that you have. In her case, Emma chose the latter. She went after it with every fiber of her being.

As I did.

...

In your mind, you decide that you are willing to do anything, even though it may go against everything you believe in… even if it makes you despise yourself on the deepest level. It's about need. You let it consume you to the point that you let it overtake everything else. You stop thinking about other people, and about how your poor choices will affect them. You stop caring. You decide that you're willing to risk everything: your job, your friends, and your whole life, just so that you can feel alive.

One time, one night of weakness becomes something more. Suddenly, you are caught in the middle of something that you have no idea how to get out of. You are drowning in the middle of the ocean with no land in sight. You know what you're doing is wrong. You promised yourself that you would never be the other woman, the mistress, but for some reason you just _can't_ let her go. The way she looks at you with those molten chocolate eyes, has you dying slowly inside. No matter how hard you try, you can't seem to pull away. Every time you think that you might be able to walk away from this abysmal situation, you find yourself getting pulled back into her arms. And as much as you want to regret it, you can't. Because she makes you feel _alive_. She finally makes you feel wanted and desired in a way that you haven't felt in a very _very_ long time, and that's all you ever wanted.

* * *

 _(Tuesday, September 22nd, 2015; 7:17 p.m.)_

Emma let out an exhausted sigh as she slipped her coat over her shoulders, preparing for the long, and likely cold night ahead. She winced slightly as she tugged at several sore muscles in her midsection, feeling pain ripple through her body as a direct consequence. Emma winced, her breath suddenly hitching in her lungs at the spike of pain. She swallowed back the moan that threatened to escape her, and clenched her jaw tightly in response. She tried to ignore the pain, but it was not easily done. Instead, it lingered in her lungs, much like the air did that she breathed. She felt the muscles in her temple throb with newfound discomfort, as her teeth ground against one another uncomfortably.

Emma gave the room a cursory glance and willed herself to relax once more. She was safe here, she had to keep telling herself. She was alone in the shadows, but that didn't _exactly_ mean she was in any mortal danger.

 _Friends go out, but I've been staying in_  
 _I know I should, but that's the way it's been_  
 _I never cared much for the taste of gin_  
 _Still don't now, oh, but it's been helping_

David had tried to get her to leave with him hours ago, but was unsuccessful. Emma simply did not feel like being in the company of anyone tonight. To be honest, all she really wanted was a fifth of scotch, and the silence of her home; a home she'd bought for a life with a man who no longer existed.

Running a hand through her hair, Emma turned around and stalked back to her desk, rummaging around in the top drawer for her keys. She looked around anxiously as she straightened up. She planted a hand flat against it's smooth surface as, she felt a surge of dizziness.

The shadows cast over the room made her uneasy. And almost instinctively, Emma's hand darted down to her right hip, in order to confirm the presence of her service weapon. Its presence served as a sort of crutch, for the days that were particularly difficult. During the several years she'd spent in Storybrooke, Emma had grown used to threats on her life, but today - today she had gotten a little more than she had bargained for. One of the boys that they had been trying to apprehend in the woods, had taken some shots at them, and a couple of them had been lucky enough to find purchase. It's safe to say that if Emma hadn't been wearing a vest, she likely would have been in some very serious trouble.

An involuntary shiver shot up her spine at the mere memory of it, and Emma felt her breath catch in the back of her throat. She lifted a hand, and pressed it to her stomach as she tried to take another breath. Sometimes holding the pressure there with the flat of her hand, helped. Whale had told her that breathing would be difficult, at least for a while. She had several broken ribs, but there was little they could do for her, apart from wrapping them. He'd also rambled on about her being susceptible to pneumonia. You think he would have picked up on her disinterest, but he kept talking, going on about doing breathing exercises, before she'd finally tuned him out. Emma closed her eyes, as she gently lifted her hand from her ribcage, satisfied that she had satisfied her need for oxygen... for the time being, at least.

She could remember every sensation, as if it were permanently etched into her memory forevermore. She could remember feeling the cool breeze against her sweat dampened face, and the quickness with which the air came in her lungs, as she and David sprinted through the underbrush. She still remembered what it felt like when the branches cut into the skin of her arms or her face, as she pushed through them without care or thought for their survival. She had heard them snap, as she applied just a little too much force, for even the most flexible of trees, to take. She felt the sting of the scratches on her cheeks, now, even hours later, where some of the branches had cut into her otherwise flawless porcelain skin. She could remember the crunch of leaves under her feet as she trod on them. But most of all, she could remember a loud crack of what sounded like thunder, in an otherwise cloudless sky. She'd felt that shot, through the very core of her being, and she wouldn't be forgetting that feeling anytime soon. It had threatened her very existence... It had threatened to tear her from this world, in less time than it took for her to blink. She could remember being completely blindsided, and getting knocked flat on her back. She'd hit the ground harder than she'd ever thought possible, had felt her bones bow inside of her, as they recoiled from the force with which she hit the ground. There she had lain, with her lungs desperately raking for oxygen, as stared up through the overhead branches and right into the bright blue September sky. It had all happened so fast that she hadn't even known what had hit her. It wasn't until David had rushed over in a panic, and had ripped open her shirt in order to reveal a large golden slug embedded deeply in her vest, that Emma realized what had really happened. She'd been shot.

She hated the thoughts swirling around in her mind right now. She hated how vivid the images of today were, even now...hours after it had happened. Part of her was worried about developing PTSD, and what it might mean for her. Would she even be able to do her job? And how on earth could she put her badge on tomorrow, and pretend as if nothing out of the ordinary had happened?

Emma grimaced at the memory, and at the soreness still located over her left ribcage. Emma lent forwards bracing herself against the desk. A sigh fell from parted lips, as Emma tried to gather the strength to move. She was tired. All she ever felt nowadays was a deep sort of tired, the kind that seeps into your very bones. Her phone started going off again on her desk, and Emma swallowed hard as her eyes found the display. This time she let it ring, over and over and over again. She took one shuddering breath and then another. She hated what she was doing, shutting the brunette out like this. But she couldn't bear to hear the woman's voice...not now.

Emma took in a deep breath through her nose, in the way that Archie showed her, and let it out slowly, focusing on the feeling of tension leaving her body. This newfound state of relaxation didn't last long, however.

"So, it would seem that my suspicions were correct," a low and raspy voice spoke up from the darkness, "You _are_ screening my calls." Emma's head moved reflexively towards the sound, her eyes darting upwards from the floor, as her dark green gaze struggled to find the shadowed figure hiding in plain sight.

Emma pushed off of the desk with both hands, so that she was standing upright, once more.

Emma let out a shuddering breath, shaking out her hands as she silently willed herself to calm down. Emma gulped loudly, her breaths sounding deafening in the now quiet room. She wanted to let out some kind of expletive, at being so rattled, but she held her tongue. She knew how Regina Mills felt about swearing...about how it was uncouth, and unseemly. And even though Emma hated hiding those parts of her, she still found herself doing it in the older woman's presence anyway.

"Emma?" Regina's strained voice sounded distant to Emma's ears. Emma swallowed again, trying to find words to speak, but finding none.

Regina frowned, while taking in the vacant and almost glassy look in Emma's deep green eyes. Something was wrong with the blonde. She was sure of it now. David had claimed that Emma was okay when he'd left her, but it was clear to her now that he'd been lying, or at the very least he had been trying to hide some sort of unspoken truth within his own words. Emma was not okay. Not even close. If she were being honest, the blonde looked... unreachable, and that scared her more than anything. All the frustration that she'd felt upon realizing that the blonde was avoiding her, was suddenly gone. All that mattered now was Emma.

"Emma, Hey," Regina spoke again, as she approached the blonde slowly so as not to startle her, "Are you okay?"

For one long second, Emma looked into Regina's deep brown eyes, seeing the brunette's own fear directed her way. She also saw evidence of another emotion that Emma found much harder to place. She wasn't sure exactly what it was. Emma's hands clenched into involuntary fists, as the blonde subconsciously guarded herself from emotions suddenly threatening to seep to the surface. She felt so much for this woman. She hated how soft and gentle Regina's voice sounded to her now, as if the brunette were afraid of scaring her off. It made Emma feel like a skittish puppy.

By some miracle, Emma had managed to stay away from the brunette, but not without a price.

"I- I was..." Emma voice trailed off again as she lost the thought. Quickly, Emma tore her eyes away under the pretense of straightening the paperwork on her desk. Paperwork that she had scattered earlier in her quest to find her phone. Emma's desk was the cleanest in the station, but only because she had devoted a couple of hours to it. A cursory glance at David's desk left her wondering how the man ever found anything he was looking for. Perhaps she would do something nice and clean it for him this weekend. After all, she had nothing better to do.

"Emma?" Regina's voice was barely a whisper, but held enough force behind it to jolt Emma back to the present. "Hey, talk to me."

Emma jumped again as a gentle touch to the skin of her forearm made her aware that the brunette wasn't exactly about to give up on a reply.

"What's wrong?" Regina asked her patiently. "Emma, you're scaring me." The older woman's voice held far too much emotion in it, and Emma wished she hadn't noticed. Another involuntary shiver overtook Emma's body, as her body reacted to the stimulus of Regina's warm touch. Even through her jacket, Emma could feel the pressure of Regina's fingers, and it lit her entire body on fire. Emma fought her every instinct to pull away, though her body still stiffened under the older woman's touch. For some reason, even though Emma had been looking in her direction, and had watched her approach, she hadn't really processed the information until now. Her mind was still sluggish and still lagging behind the things that were happening around her. She hadn't even been aware of the closeness of Regina's body until now. And now, Regina was standing right next to her, breathing the same air as she was. Emma reflexively tried to pull away, her body shying away from the woman in front of her. But Regina was having nothing of it. She knew that Emma would run, if she let her.

"No," Regina told her sternly. Her word was a puff of air between them, and Emma felt it...acutely.

Emma swallowed as her throat became suddenly very dry, like sand in a parched desert.

"Emma," Regina pleaded, as she reached up and touched her for the first time. She did it cautiously, almost as if Emma's were intangible and about to slip through her fingers.

"You scared me," Emma finally admitted aloud. Emma felt a heat blossom in her cheeks, as her embarrassment got the better of her.

"It's okay," Regina told her gently, her voice full of understanding and depth. The brunette knew about what had happened, and understood Emma's resulting insecurities. "Hey, it's okay. We're safe here. I promise."

"Regina, what-," Emma's breath hitched roughly, forcing the blonde to try again. "What are you doing here?" Emma couldn't keep her exhaustion from seeping into her voice. "It's getting late. You should be at home with Robin, Roland, and Henry right now."

"Please," another touch had Emma closing her sea green eyes, "Emma, I- I had to see you." Regina pressed their foreheads together, as she sought comfort from the blonde. She knew that she should be offering the blonde something, instead of taking from her like this. But she couldn't help it. She had felt so desperate - so rattled - after hearing about what had happened. All she wanted now, was to feel was the blonde's touch. She needed to convince herself that they were going to be okay, somehow. Regina took a step back, and reached up to the blonde's face, palming a fair cheek. Regina gasped, as she felt a rise in the skin, where it had been broken. Regina's eyes scrutinized the blonde's face, finding more imperfections in what should have been flawless skin.

Emma silently wondered how a simple touch could affect her so much. She hated how her resolve could be so easily undone. A soft hand brushed across her cheek, causing Emma to open her eyes. There were so many things that Emma didn't know, but one that she did. She would never get sick of the brunette's hands. The truth was, that Emma was constantly amazed by the gentleness of the older woman's touches. Regina's hands were the perfect mix of strength and of gentleness; the perfect contradiction that defied all logic. It seemed fitting to Emma that those hands belonged to a woman that was the very embodiment of contradiction, a woman of overwhelming conviction and spirit.

One thing Emma knew about Regina Mills, was that she was fieriness personified. Never had she encountered someone who held the same degree of passion as Regina did for those that they cared about. That one fact had posed many challenges in the four or so years that Emma had known her. After all, Regina had challenged her in ways Emma hadn't thought possible. Still, Emma wouldn't trade that feeling for anything. In Snow's words, Regina was the type of person to feel something with their entire soul. And although it was wonderful to have someone with that degree of passion in her life, Emma knew it could also be a double edged sword. Regina's fierceness, though wonderful, could also be extremely dangerous. In cases of loss, Regina's passion had turned into something much more sinister, a need for thirst and for revenge. However, Emma didn't want to dwell on those things now. All she wanted to focus on was the feeling of Regina's warm flesh on hers. Because it _was_ heaven. That is the only word she could think of to describe it. She loved Regina Mills, and Emma hoped, Regina loved her too.

Breath was stolen from Emma's lungs as she realized that they were breathing the same air now. She saw the storm raging in Regina's molten chocolate eyes. Emma was frozen, her breathing catching as she focused on the heat of Regina's palm against her face, and the way the older woman's thumb was sweeping back and forth over the shell of her ear.

Regina reached around the back of Emma's neck and pulled, taking the blonde's mouth in a heated kiss. "But you shouldn't be here. It's too much of a-" Emma's voice faded into nothingness, as Regina swallowed the rest of her words. Emma's eyelids fluttered closed at the feel of Regina's soft insistent lips against her own. The long lashes fluttered gently, as she let herself get lost in the kiss and the feel of Regina's full lips against her own. Despite her best efforts to hold them back, Emma couldn't stop the moan from escaping when Regina's tongue slipped past Emma's parted lips, and into the blonde's warm mouth.

Emma vaguely felt the woman's hand knead at the flesh at the back of her neck, trying to work the tightness out of the muscles there. Emma moaned loudly into Regina's mouth as the brunette's fingers expertly coaxed knots out of the muscles, before moving upwards and tangling into her hair. Emma felt the telltale tug of silken strands, as Regina's hand closed around soft strands of hair, struggling to hold Emma against her. If felt so damned good Emma couldn't put it into words.

Just as suddenly, however, Emma seemed to come back to herself and pulled away, fighting Regina's touches as the older woman struggled to maintain a hold on her. Emma batted away Regina's hands, while trying to ignore the look of rejection on Regina's face.

 _I lost perspective of who I was, I hit the wall_  
 _I knew that it would take a lot but it took it all_  
 _No you don't come this far to turn around, you've covered too many miles_  
 _No you don't get this close to breaking down just to close your eyes_

"No," Emma murmured stubbornly. "We can't- we can't do this anymore."

"Dear, why must you always be so difficult?" Regina asked, her voice a low rumble. It instantly sent a shiver down Emma's spine. Emma's only reaction to this was to let out a low growl. It wasn't fair how the older woman's voice was like pure sex without her even having to try.

"You never answered my question," Emma persisted. "Regina," Emma sighed, "Why are you _really_ here?"

"You _know_ why," Regina said simply. "I just couldn't stay away any longer. It's driving me insane, Emma. _Please_. I need you to come home with me," Regina breathed softly. "I _need_ you tonight. _Please_. Don't- Don't make me _beg_!"

"Damn it!" Emma nearly growled in frustration, as her fears were confirmed, and she suddenly knew why Regina was suddenly so desperate. The brunette definitely knew about what had happened. "My Dad told you what happened, didn't he? That's what this is all about." Emma found herself asking as she met the older woman's gaze. There was something fragile about Regina's current expression, and Emma could see the distress threatening to fracture the brunette's cool facade.

Emma watched as Regina's expression faltered. The brunette didn't say a word, but she didn't have to. Regina was a nervous wreck.

"Hey," Emma tried to reassure her with a gentle smile. "It's okay. I'm okay. You can see it for yourself, right now. I- I'm fine."

Emma's breaths ceased as Regina suddenly reached out for her, tugging her close. Surprisingly gentle arms wrapped around her, and Emma felt guilty as Regina buried her face in Emma's neck. Emma tried to swallow down the soft gasp that left her lips as Regina's body pressed just a little too tightly against Emma's sore ribs. Regina, however, seemed to pick up on the blonde's pain, because she released her hold on Emma just as soon as the sound had escaped her lips. Regina's expression hardened for a moment, as a look of guilt passed across her face. She reached out again, her eyes searching Emma's for any trace of pain, as her fingers explored. Emma resisted the urge to pull away, as the pads of the brunette's fingers expertly pressed over Emma's ribcage, searching systematically for the place where she'd been struck. Without much delay, the brunette found it. Emma instantly gasped at the twinge of pain that this touch instilled in her, feeling particularly vulnerable. Without thought, Emma jumped back. After all, her body's instinct was to put as much space between her injuries and the thing causing the pain as it possibly could.

"I-I'm sorry if I," Regina's voice was soft, but filled with pain, "hurt you just now. I was just trying to- Emma, I had to _know_."

Emma suddenly found herself penetrated by Regina's intense gaze. There was something so raw and vulnerable present in the brunette's shimmering gaze, and Emma watched in anguish as the brunette's pain finally spilled over. Emma watched a single tear weave its way down Regina's cheek.

"He promised me he wouldn't say anything." Emma murmured, as she reached up to wipe away the tear with her thumb. Her voice was suddenly full of a pain she could no longer hide. She struggled to pull away again, but Regina wouldn't let her.

"He didn't. It was in his report," Regina's voice cracked. "God, Emma, when I read about what happened, I was so-"

"Regina," Emma attempted to forestall Regina's confession, but was too late.

"Scared," the last word of Regina's confession rang out through the sudden silence, and the depth of emotion behind it pulled at Emma in ways she swore she would _never_ let herself be pulled. "I've never been so scared in all of my life."

"Regina," Emma suddenly begged, "Stop. Please just stop this. It-" She wanted to say _hurts,_ but choked on the word at the last minute. She didn't want Regina to think her weak.

"After I read the report, I called your father. And when I talked to him on the phone, he told me that you put on your vest as an afterthought," Regina murmured softly, trying to hold Emma close. "Today could have turned out drastically different. I- God I could have lost you."

"But you didn't," Emma said, biting down on her tongue slightly as her jaw tensed. "E-Everything is fine, Regina."

"No it's not! That's an outright lie, and you know it!" Regina hissed suddenly, her eyes flashing in sudden hurt. She _hated_ when the blonde lied to her. "Everything is not fine, Emma. It's not even close. You keep avoiding me and pushing me away, and I need to know why! I _deserve_ to know why!"

"Regina," Emma groaned as she felt the pads of Regina's fingers press into her jaw with surprising intensity.

"Just tell me why," Regina begged, as she forced Emma's eyes to hold her own. "Why, after everything we've been through, do you _still_ insist on pushing me so far away?" Regina _sounded_ hurt, and Emma felt guilt gnaw at her insides.

"Because it hurts too much!" Emma burst out, her temper flaring. She could feel her eyes burning hotly with her own tears, as she finally admitted the truth aloud for the first time. "Being around you hurts too damned much and I can't fucking stand it! That's why. I hate myself for being so weak, Regina, but I just can't be around you. I just can't, okay?"

"Emma," Regina's voice instantly softened. Her features slowly tightened as the brunette realized that she could completely relate. After all, being around Emma was torturous. It hurt beyond description.

For a long time, the brunette used to think that it was a good kind of hurt, but now she isn't sure what to believe. It's hard to compare it to any emotion that Regina was familiar with, but she reckoned that it came closest to despair. Still, she wouldn't trade the feeling for the rest of the world. She couldn't trade the feeling, because she was in love with Emma Swan, and would be until the day she drew her last breath.

"I can't- I can't do this," Emma said thickly as the guilt became too much.

"Yes you can," Regina tells her with utmost confidence. "We can do this, Emma. We can make it through this. I know we can."

"No," Emma shook her head, as she choked back the beginnings of a sob.

"You don't have to hide from me, Emma," Regina told her. "You forget. I _know_ you. I may even know you _better_ than you even know yourself."

" _Stop_!" Emma begged her, she hated Regina for getting personal, for _making_ it personal. Emma suddenly decided that she might as well have just slapped the brunette, when she sees the hurt that her words had just caused the older woman, her confidant, her lover. Regina was reeling. She looked...devastated. And it was all of Emma's fault. All they seemed to do was hurt each other, and Emma didn't want to do it anymore.

"Go. Please, just _go_ ," Emma pleaded emphatically, as she pulled away from the older woman, putting as much distance between them as she could manage. "Go _home_ , Regina." She put emphasis on the word home, because she felt like she needed to remind Regina where her home _was_... It was with Robin and Roland and Henry, _not_ her.

"No," Regina said stubbornly. Regina's hand latched onto Emma's wrist, a look of pain on her features. "I'm not going home without you, Emma."

"Regina-" Emma felt every word as her heart thundered away in her chest. "Please, I can't keep doing this."

"Don't make this harder than it has to be," Regina pleaded. " _Please_. It's been weeks since we..."

"I _know_ ," Emma interrupted, pulling away. "And I'm _trying_ to say that I can't do this anymore, Regina."

And before Regina could even open her mouth to reply, Emma was flipping off her desk lamp and walking away, leaving the brunette standing there with a distraught look marring her perfect features. The brunette missed the sound of the blonde's suppressed cries, as Emma fled from the station, leaving her standing in complete darkness.

 _Come if you believe me_  
 _Come if you remember the way_  
 _If not then I will find you this time_  
 _Wishing you had stayed_

* * *

 _ **A/N: Please hit the review button on the way out. Thanks for reading!**_


	2. Wants What It Wants

Title: Make it Without You  
Category: TV Shows » Once Upon A Time  
Author: Alwaysbringback-up  
Language: English, Rating: Rated: M (for language and sexual themes)  
Genre: Angst/General

 **Chapter 2: The Heart Wants What It Wants**

 **Pairing: SwanQueen**

 _ **Disclaimer: I don't own any part of the OUAT universe. All characters belong to Adam and Eddie, the show's creators. I promise that my writing is done purely for recreational purposes only. No ill harm is intended.**_

 _ **A/N: Next chapter. This one is rated M for sexy time!**_

* * *

 _(Tuesday, September 22nd, 2015; 8:17 p.m.)_

It was a cold night, and the air bit at her skin. The wind caused shivers to overtake her body. She walked until she was numb, and only then did she slip into a run down bar on the far side of town. She didn't want to go to any of her usual haunts tonight, afraid that she would run into Ruby or someone else she knew. She sidled up to the bar, dropping down onto a stool that had seen better days. Emma couldn't have cared less about the appearance.

"What can I get you?" the gentle voice had her pulling out of her rather hostile feeling of self-loathing.

"Scotch," Emma muttered, hardly looking up. She watched the bartender pour the liquid into a short glass. He looked torn for a minute, seemingly picking up on her despair. Finally, Emma solved his problem for him. "Just leave the bottle," Emma requested with a look into his sympathetic eyes. He nodded, setting the bottle down in front of her before he finally walked to the other end of the bar to serve another customer. Emma stared into the liquid, swirling it around her glass. Every so often, she would take a small sip of the liquid. It burned pleasantly as it went down. With every sip she took, she became increasingly detached from the world around her. Her eyes kept flicking over towards the door, wishing that someone would come take her away. She was reverting too much into her old self-destructive self, and more than anything wished that she could stop the fall.

"What is a pretty little thing like you doing here by yourself?" Emma turned at the sound of a deep voice.

"Drowning my sorrows," Emma answered as if it were obvious, "You want one?" She indicated, holding up her glass.

"Sure, why not?" he replied with a smile. Emma was grateful as the rather handsome man plopped down next to her. He had striking blue eyes and a chiseled jaw. He wore a deep red button up shirt, and a black tie, underneath a dark suit jacket and dress pants. "So what is your story? I don't think I've seen you here before."

"I don't have a story," Emma replied all too quickly. "I'm just a woman drowning her sorrows with alcohol. Healthy, I know." The man shook his head.

"Uh uh, there's no way your getting off that easily," he said as he reached for a glass, and flipped it right side up. Emma watched as he poured some scotch into his glass and took a sip. "Wanna talk about it? You're clearly upset." Emma sighed, looking at the man.

"You really want to listen to a stranger tell you about their problems?" Emma said with a quirk of her lips.

"Hey," he replied, mocking indignation, "I'll have you know that I've been told I'm a great listener." This time, Emma couldn't fight the smile, nor the small chuckle that escaped her. The man was persistent enough to say the least.

"Would it cost me anything?" Emma asked, pretending to be curious.

"Not anything more than the booze you've already offered me," he replied with a definite twinkle in his baby blue eyes.

Emma turned slightly in her seat, in order to get a better look at him. Before, she had only taken a glance. Emma felt her heart stutter a bit as she was caught at it. She also quickly realized that the man beside her was anything but shy. He met and held her gaze with a certain degree of confidence that was alluring. Emma quickly decided through the pounding of her heart that he was definitely attractive. She might have even gone for someone like him, once upon a time. But now, she couldn't let herself be with anyone for fear of hurting them. She could still feel the darkness swirling around her heart and soul. Despite her being freed from the Dark One's dagger, the horrible things that she'd done during her indentured servitude to the darkness never really left her. She couldn't let her guards down. Perhaps that's why she fell so hard for Regina. It's because Emma knew that the brunette truly understood everything Emma had gone through in a way that no one else could. After all, Regina had seen the worse of humanity. She'd _been_ the worst of humanity. And now...because of the Dark One's curse, Emma had too.

"It's just been a long day," Emma sighed, absentmindedly rubbing at the soreness in her chest. "I umm...I had a close call at work today that rattled me a bit. It could have been bad. If I hadn't been wearing the vest, well, let's just say that my parents would probably be picking out plots at the cemetery right now."

"Damn," Jake gasped, "That is close. Are you... Are you sure you're okay?"

"Yeah," Emma nodded, taking another sip from her drink. "Got a nasty bruise taking up half of my ribcage right now, but I'm alive so...I can't really complain." Emma let out a sigh, "Thankfully, the booze seems to be dulling the pain a bit."

"So what else have you got?" Jake challenged. "Keep it coming."

"Hmm," Emma hummed softly, while running her finger around the circumference of her glass. She was seriously contemplating telling this perfect stranger everything. After all, he had no idea who she was, and he was perfectly willing to listen to all of her troubles. Besides, she was desperate to get some of it off of her chest. "Okay, so this might be a little bit of a personal question, but...have you ever wanted something that you just knew that you could never have?"

"Of course," Jake nodded. "Who hasn't?"

"It's just-," Emma sighed and closed her eyes, thinking of Regina. "I've never considered myself an extremely moral person. People tell me that I'm good, but I've never really felt it in my soul like some people do. God knows... I've made my fair share mistakes just like everyone else." Emma paused. "But I-I've always had a very distinct line that I never crossed. In fact...I vowed to myself that I would never cross that line." Emma takes a long pull from her drink. "But a while ago, I...I did."

"You did," Jake repeated softly.

"And I feel _horrible_ ," Emma said, her voice breaking on the last word. "It's damned near eating me alive. What good am I, if I can't even stick to one basic principle? I mean, what kind of person, am I?"

"You're human," Jake spoke honestly. "Look, nobody is perfect, and I truly _mean_ what I say, when I say that. We all think we know how we'll react in any given situation, but until the time comes when we are presented with that scenario, it's impossible to know for sure. And, more times than not, it doesn't play out like we expect."

"It's just," Emma muttered, "How do you deal with it? How are you supposed to face up to it?" Emma couldn't stop the questions from coming. "How do you not completely lose faith in humanity when that happens?"

"That good, huh?" the man tried to joke, easing the tension of the moment.

"I'm just not used to being this disgusted with myself," Emma admitted. "Sure...i've been let down enough times in my lifetime, but I'm not exactly used to letting myself down."

"Look, I...I understand that you may not be ready just yet," he told her after she finished, "But you have to be able to forgive yourself. It's absolutely key to moving past past mistakes." He paused. "Sure, it's okay to acknowledge that you've made a mistake. It's even healthy to feel guilty about it, because it's how we learn and grow as human beings. But you can't dwell on it forever. It's just as important to be able to forgive yourself, as it is to be able to forgive others."

"Sorry," Emma muttered sheepishly. "You probably had no idea what you were getting into, when you asked me if I wanted to talk about it."

"Hey," he spoke honestly, brushing her arm gently with his hand, "I wouldn't have asked if I didn't want to know." Emma nodded softly, easing the tightness in her shoulders.

"I'm sorry," Emma spoke softly, turning slightly on her stool, as she offered him her hand. "I never introduced myself. I'm Emma."

"Jake," the man reciprocated. "It's nice to meet you."

"You too," Emma replied, before taking a long sip of her scotch. "You know, you look a little well dressed for someone at a bar."

"Yeah," he nodded, "I had a meeting that ran late."

"What do you do, if you don't mind me asking?" Emma asked, intrigued.

"I'm a lawyer," he replied, "I run a firm in the town with a couple of my close friends." Emma chuckled under her breath, earning a smile from the man next to her.

"What is it?" he asked softly.

"I…I'm just wondering what fairytale character that makes you," Emma spoke.

"I was one of the Knights of the Round Table," Jake replied.

"I should have known," Emma, breathed finally, a haunted look in her eyes.

"Why is that?" Jake asked finally, his curiosity getting the best of him.

"Knights fight for justice," Emma replied. "Something like that never really leaves you. It explains why you would want to be a lawyer in this world. It's attractive." This seemed to have caught Jake's attention. "I mean, it's an attractive quality to have."

"So..." Jake hummed while waggling his eyebrows. "Have a thing for white knights, do you?"

"Oh god," Emma groaned, "Any moment now the ground is just going to open up and swallow me whole." Emma took a deep breath, "But yes, I do have a thing for white knights," Emma spoke. As soon as those words crossed the space between them, Emma realized her mistake. Jake watched as she turned a deep shade of scarlet. Suddenly, Emma pushed her glass away.

"And I think that's my clue that I've had too much to drink," Emma stood up quickly, setting a couple of bills on the bar. "Sorry, if I ummm… said too much." The man was quick to jump up as well.

"Not at all," he said softly, looking into her eyes. "Feel free to tell me if I'm being a little presumptuous, but I was wondering if you might like to get dinner with me Friday night?"

"You're asking me out?" Emma felt a little taken aback.

"It would appear so," the man tried to laugh off his own nervousness. Emma's cheeks flushed again. Boy she could be really dense sometimes. "For dinner," he confirmed.

"For dinner," Emma repeated, trying to stall as she came up with a response. "On Friday."

"You're not interested," the statement came out as a fact.

"No. It's not that. Sorry," Emma muttered, "I guess I'm just surprised is all. You hardly know anything about me."

"Which is why I'd like to get to know you a little better," he replied. "It's just dinner, Emma. I promise." Emma swallowed, feeling her palms sweat. Much to her own displeasure she couldn't seem to get seem to get Regina out of her head. Why did she feel so guilty? Regina was engaged. _Engaged_ to Robin for goodness sakes.

Emma took a deep breath, weighing her options.

"Please?" that was enough to persuade Emma.

"Yeah," Emma choked out dryly, nodding. "Okay."

"Yes?" Jake looked really happy. He reached into his pocket, pulling out his business card. Emma did the same. They exchanged the cards, both examining the information printed on the small cards. She watched for a change of expression as his eyes raced over the information on the card. If the man had a problem with dating the Sheriff, she knew it would show on his face almost immediately. He looked up. His eyes remained soft.

"You're a police officer," his light blue eyes were soft.

"Yeah. I'm the Sheriff of this little town," Emma corrected. "Is that going to be a problem?"

"Why would there be?" he asked honestly.

"No reason," Emma replied, "It's just that some men find it a bit umm…. What's the word I'm looking for here…?" Emma groaned as fingers kneaded at her temples. "umm..."

"It makes them insecure," Jake provided for her. "Because you see the things people are capable of on a daily basis. And they're afraid you'll be afraid to open up to them because of the things you deal with." Emma nodded.

* * *

 _(Tuesday, September 22nd, 2015; 11:37 p.m.)_

 _108 Mifflin Street, Storybrooke, Maine_

Within minutes, Emma was walking down the sidewalk, her feet scuffing against the bleached concrete in an even, constant rhythm. She hadn't thought about where she was going, and most certainly had not realized how close to Regina's place she had gone, until she looked up to find the familiar daunting mansion looming over her through the darkness. For a long moment, Emma let her eyes move over the building's face, taking it all in. It almost felt like the first time, as curious eyes raked hungrily over every texture, and every feature of the place she knew too well for her own good. Emma's heart instantly leapt to her throat, as she took in the faint orange glow of the light still shining in Regina's window. And then, in the next beat, it clenched painfully in her chest, as she came to a sudden stop, hesitating. She wondered if Regina was still up. Sure, the light was still on, but Emma couldn't be sure. Emma knew that there were times when the brunette would doze off in the middle of reading, with her glasses perched adorably on her nose. She knew, because she'd caught the brunette at it on multiple occasions. And Emma knew that wasn't _supposed_ to know something so intimate about the other woman. But she did know. She knew what it felt like to look upon her lover's face, when the brunette wasn't aware of her at all. All of the things that tormented Regina when she was awake, were noticeably absent in the brunette's slumber. Her features were so utterly relaxed, and so vulnerable in sleep, that oftentimes Emma could only marvel at it.

Emma let herself get lost in memory. She allowed herself to remember what it felt like all those nights she'd found the brunette in such a position. How she would only allow herself the lightest of touches, as she removed the glasses from Regina's nose and set them with utmost care on the bedside table. She would gently lift the book from limp fingers, and would shut it ever so quietly, before ultimately placing it on the bedside table next to the brunette's glasses. Sometimes Emma would still, as the brunette grabbed a hold of Emma's wrist and didn't let go, almost as if she knew of the blonde's presence even in the deepest of slumber. Emma would feel that touch acutely, would painstakingly free her wrist from the brunette's grasp without waking her. Oftentimes, the older woman would mumble something in her sleep, as she felt Emma's touch slip from her fingers, but for some reason, Emma could never quite catch what it was that was said. And then, last but not least, Emma would draw the blanket up over her lover's body, so that she never become cold in the night. She'd press a feather light kiss the brunette's forehead, before she would see herself out, and slip off into the night. Emma raked in sharp breath at the memory. She felt her lips tingle in response, as she felt the ghost of a kiss on her lips. She suddenly had the distinct need to feel Regina's lips upon her own.

Emma silently contemplated her next action, while she wondered if the brunette actually wanted to see her. Before Emma could even register what she was doing, she was pushing open the gate and was walking briskly up the walk to the front door.

Emma already knew what would transpire. Silently, she willed herself over and over again to just turn around and walk away- to not to do this to herself again, and yet, she couldn't seem to stop herself.

Her feet carried her seemingly of her own volition, and her hand, as if it too had a mind of its own, knocked confidently on the door. She rapped heavily on the door several times with her knuckles, in lieu of using the heavy brass knocker. She'd been about to use the brass knocker, but changed her mind at the last minute. After all, she didn't want to wake everyone in the mansion with her actions, least of all Robin. She felt the sting of the contact travel across her knuckles. She pulled her hand away from the wood, and shook it out, trying to work the sting from the skin there.

Emma's bright green eyes remained affixed to the wooden planks of the porch, as she waited for something to happen. What she hoped would happen, she couldn't have told you. But finally, after some contemplation, she realized what it was she wanted - what she needed - more than anything. She needed closure. She still felt the guilt from earlier eating away at her insides, and Emma couldn't handle it anymore. The alcohol hadn't helped, not at all. And now all Emma was filled with, was regret; regret for ripping apart her own family in such a way, regret for saying yes to a date with another man that she in no way wanted, but most of all, regret for the way she'd left things with Regina. And as she waited, Emma silently berated herself for being a failure, yet again. She waited what seemed like an eternity, part of her praying that Regina would appear in front of her, while the other part desperately hoped that Regina was in fact asleep and wouldn't come to the door.

Emma swallowed painfully, looking up at the brass numbers affixed to the door just above the peephole. Everything was silent. She felt crestfallen as she realized no one was coming. She'd missed her chance.

With a huff, Emma stuffed her hands into her pockets, and turned away, determined to leave. Maybe if she were quick enough and silent enough, Regina would never even know she'd been there.

Emma was only a couple of steps down the walk when she heard the front door creak open. Emma exhaled sharply, as her feet chose that particular moment to go numb on her. She staggered to a stop, and slowly turned back around. A light flashed on, illuminating the porch and Emma's figure, as the blonde squinted against the sudden light obtrusively forcing its way into her eyes.

What Emma saw left her helpless against her own desires. Emma's eyes raked hungrily over Regina's form. Meanwhile, Regina, too, took in the blonde's presence. She blinked several times, taking in the sight as if she isn't quite sure what to make of it. Emma noted how Regina's hand clung onto the door, her elegant fingers poised as if to shut it quickly. But as soon as she took in the sight of the blonde on her doorstep, the perfectly manicured hand fell away from the door and dropped to her side.

"Emma," Regina doesn't attempt to hide the surprise in her voice. Emma found herself noticing that relief was also an undercurrent in her tone of voice.

"Hi," Emma felt her breath choke up on her, "Shit, I-I'm so sorry if I woke you. It's just...I was out walking, and I thought-" Emma's voice trailed off awkwardly. She honestly wasn't sure how to finish that thought. There were so many things that she wanted to say to the woman in front of her, but she knew that she would never be brave enough to say them aloud. Emma suddenly kicked herself. She felt like such an imbecile sometimes.

Emma had a hard time swallowing, as she took in the sight of Regina for the first time. And boy was it a glorious sight. The woman in front of her was nothing short of magnificent. She was achingly beautiful, but in a completely unpolished, all-natural way that Emma was unaccustomed to seeing. Her dark mocha eyes glimmered richly under the light, and Emma felt her mouth grow dray. The older woman's long lashes fluttered gently in the cold as she let her eyes fall onto the fair woman in front of her.

Emma couldn't have torn her eyes away from the woman in front of her, if she'd tried. The former Queen looked nothing short of stunning, and Emma could think of no other word to describe her.

The brunette was dressed in a thin silk robe, with its sash tied in a loose knot around the tall woman's waist. The robe had likely been thrown on in haste as she came downstairs, and Emma silently wondered if the older woman had anything on underneath. It didn't look like it, and Emma swallowed over the sudden lump in her throat. She felt her cheeks warm exponentially as her eyes raked over the tanned skin of Regina's chest peaking out from the middle of the V formed by the robe. Emma could also see much of the brunette's tanned thighs. And she noted with another quavering breath, how the brunette's legs seemed to go on for miles. Emma's green eyes suddenly glanced upwards and slammed into two pools of molten chocolate. Emma's cheeks flushed heavily with color as she realized she'd been caught at it. Regina knew where Emma's eyes had gone, as the blonde drank in the sight of her.

"You never have to apologize for wanting to see me," Regina told her gently as her lips twitched upwards and blossomed into a beautiful smile.

"Still," Emma breathed uneasily, "I shouldn't have-".

"Emma," Regina chided. From just one word, Emma could tell Regina was genuinely happy to see her. "Come in- Please, would you like to come in?" Emma's eyes met hers, trying to gauge if her presence was really welcomed. After all, it was stupid, coming to Regina's house in the middle of the night like this. Robin was probably waiting for the brunette upstairs in their bed. Emma found herself hesitating.

No. Coming here had been a bad idea. Emma took a step backward, shaking her head. She should go.

Regina seemed to read her mind, because the brunette took several daring steps onto the porch, her hand reaching for Emma's, just as the blonde started her retreat. She chased after the blonde for several steps before halting Emma's departure completely. "No. Wait! _Don't_ \- Don't leave," Regina pleaded. "Stay, Emma. Please, I- I want you to stay." Regina looked as shocked by her own words, as Emma did. It was not what the brunette expected to say. After all, Regina Mills did not beg. But with another beat of her heart, Regina decided that if kept the blonde there with her, that she was not above doing so. In fact, Regina felt a desperation to keep the blonde there with her. It had been too long since they had last been together. She couldn't handle the desire any longer. She needed the blonde now, more than ever.

There were a million questions that Emma wanted to ask, but she couldn't bring voice to them.

 _It makes me feel nervous_  
 _You have that look in your eye_  
 _Oh, it takes over_  
 _What is it that holds you tight?_  
 _And you can tear it up_  
 _Oh, no-one tears it up like you_  
 _Oh, you can rip it up_  
 _Oh, no-one rips it up like you_

Regina gasped in surprise, as Emma surged forwards and kissed her with a passion she'd never felt before. Emma put as much emotion as she possibly could into the kiss. All her pent up passion and frustration for the woman in front of her were channeled into the kiss. Surely, the brunette must know how she feels. Her lover must be familiar with the almost inexplicable need, that the blonde feels for the brunette in front of her. It was like she needed the woman in order to breathe.

Before either one of them could stop them, moans were slipping from their lips as their bodies were sent into a frenzy fueled by pure untainted desire. Regina felt another sound pulled from her body, as Emma's hands pushed aside the thin fabric of her silken robe, and slipped beneath to ghost over the smooth, flawless skin of her stomach, palming the flesh there. She felt the blonde's hands began to draw circles on the flesh there.

"Emma," Regina whimpered the name softly as she pulled Emma backwards over the threshold, shutting the door behind them. She pushed Emma up against the door, and took Emma's mouth passionately with her own, returning the blonde's touches with touches of her own. They let themselves get lost in the moment, both momentarily forgetting that they had something very important (and dangerous) to hide. "Thank god you came to your senses," the older woman told her as she grasped the blonde's hips tightly in her own hands, pining the blonde to the door with her own body. Emma let out a low echoing moan, as Regina pressed a thigh between Emma's own, pushing it upwards and into the blonde's center.

"Regina, I-" Emma tried to speak, but found herself suddenly incapable of it. The brunette's lips at her throat had that affect on her. Emma's jaw fell open, letting out a harsh exhale as she felt the brunette's teeth scape against the flushed skin of her neck. A heartbeat later, and Regina was soothing the sting away with her tongue. "I-". Regina ended her protest with another drawn out kiss. The brunette's tongue begged entrance into the blonde's mouth, and Emma granted it without hesitation. She felt Regina's silken tongue slide against the roof of her mouth, and Emma stopped resisting. After all, there was little point in resisting when she wanted the older woman just as badly. Emma let herself drown in the sensation of Regina's mouth on her own. The faintest taste of mint lingered in Regina's mouth, and Emma relished in it. It was richly erotic, sharing a taste such as they were, and for some reason, it made her feel unbelievably connected to the woman.

Emma threaded her fingers through, dark strands made of what Emma could only describe as fine silk, and the blonde heard Regina moan in direct consequence, as they became tangled around her fingers. What would have been an otherwise unpleasant sensation, was instead transformed into something markedly different.

"Regina," Emma's voice was strained as she struggled to maintain some kind of control over her feelings. However, as she felt Regina's touch on the skin between her shirt, and slacks, Emma realized that she didn't have a chance in hell of doing so.

"Shh," Regina implored her as the pads of her fingers danced over the blonde's hips, holding the blonde against the door. "Be quiet. Please just let me have this. I _need_ this. I need you."

"But I," Emma stuttered, as her eyelids fluttered close. "I actually came here to make a confession," Emma said in between frenzied kisses.

"Fine," Regina breathed. The words were a puff of air against the blonde's lips. "Go on," Regina urged her, as she started trailing kisses down the line of Emma's jaw to the hollow behind the blonde's ear. Regina felt proud as she heard the way Emma's breathing hitched. She was all too aware that the blonde was uncharacteristically silent, as the younger woman struggled to hold back the sounds her body was in great need of making. Regina began to place wet kisses at the sensitive skin there, desperate to drive the blonde wild in every way imaginable. She gasped softly, as she felt the scape of the blonde's nails against her scalp, as the blonde tried to maintain some sort of hold on her. She placed more open mouthed kisses to the skin of the blonde's elegant neck, relishing in the inarticulate sounds that this earned her.

"I uh- " Emma couldn't stop the moan that escaped her as Regina's mouth found the place that drove her out of her mind. "Fuck," Emma hissed sharply. "I- I have a date on Friday," Emma struggled to get out between a tightened jaw. Emma couldn't help but note the sharp intake of breath this earned her, as Regina suddenly pulled away to meet Emma's eyes. Emma saw something flicker in Regina's deep brown eyes- something that she didn't want to admit that she saw.

 _When you're in the half light_  
 _It is not you I see_  
 _And you'll live a half life_  
 _You only show half to me_

"What?" Regina asked sharply as she continued fixing Emma with her stare. Emma's eyes were a darker almost moss colored green, here in the darkness. And Regina found herself struggling to make sense of the emotions in them.

"I- I have a date," Emma repeated again, slower this time.

"Emma," Regina's voice cracked harshly on her name. "Why- Why on earth are you telling me this?" She hated how much pain that the blonde's confession caused her. She couldn't imagine losing the blonde to someone else. She didn't want to.

"Because I met this really great guy at the bar, and all I could think about the whole time was you," Emma continued. "Regina," Emma found herself breathing with equal desperation, "I can't fight this anymore. I've been trying so hard to be a better person...to just walk away from this, but I can't. I _need_ you, Regina."

"I don't want to fight it anymore either," Regina whined as she tried to slip her hand under Emma's shirt. "I-".

"Shh," Emma silenced her lover, not wanting to make things any more painful than they already were. The raw emotions ran deeply in both of them. It was obvious that they both desperately needed release. It had been weeks since their last encounter. When Emma realized how powerless they were to stop, she cast a silencing spell around the both of them. One thing was for sure, it was best if Robin or Henry didn't come downstairs.

 _Sometimes I join you_  
 _Let you wash over me_  
 _When we're in the darkness_  
 _Only the blind can see_

Regina couldn't stay quiet, however, as Emma nipped aggressively at Regina's mouth and sucked the older woman's tongue into her own mouth. None of their touches were wasted. They all had a purpose, a reason behind them. They felt like electrical pulses, much like that of the small currents shooting down the countless nerves in their body. Fine touch felt like fire. It felt like heaven, and neither one of them thought they would ever be able to stop.

Regina cried out as Emma turned them, pushing Regina hard up against the wall next to the door. Regina knew that it had been inevitable. She'd known it as soon as the blonde had met her eyes. Emma needed to be the one in control tonight. One of things that she loved about the two of them, was that Regina never knew what to expect from the blonde. After all, Emma clearly had two different sides. She could be extremely affectionate and attentive, when it was warranted, or she could be assertive. And tonight- Tonight, there was certain urgency to what they were doing; perhaps it was because they both feared their tryst was near its end.

No one had ever disclosed how exhausting an affair of this magnitude could be. It wasn't just about the sex itself, but rather it was about the extra effort it took to go out of their way to keep it a secret. It was also emotionally taxing, as well. It was the fear of the loss that kept them both up at night. What would they do if everything imploded? Neither felt like they would be able to handle it. They'd both become such a huge part of the others life. Regina couldn't even imagine what her life would be like without Emma, because the thought of it was terrifying. Emma and Henry were what made her life worth living. Decades of a dull meaningless life had been negated by the blonde's presence. A life full of predictability, had instead become one of countless surprises. And despite the fact that she had been so opposed to these changes in the beginning, she loved what they had given her. She had a family now, and she loved what her life had become. Emma was a big part of that.

 _And you can tear it up_  
 _Oh, no-one tears it up like you_  
 _Oh, you can rip it up_  
 _Oh, I can rip it up like you_

Desperate pleas fell from Regina's parted lips as she covered Emma's hand with her own, trying to persuade the blonde to touch her elsewhere. Regina's head fell back against the wall as Emma slipped her hand through silken strands and tugged, pulling her head back and exposing the long column of neck, to her questing lips. There were no words for the exhilaration Emma instilled in her when she touched her. It was as if Regina were being worshiped, and it made her feel safe, loved. "Emma," Regina gasped, " _Please_."

"What is it, love?" Emma spoke huskily into Regina ear. Her lingering warm breath, ghosting over the shell of her ear caused the brunette to get lost in the moment. "What is it you want tonight?"

"I- I need you to touch me," Regina's breath hitched as Emma's touches became more forceful. Emma couldn't say no to Regina, no matter how much she knew she'd regret it tomorrow. She would always give Regina everything she had, until the time came when she had nothing more.

"Anything you want," Emma replied as if there were no question. "Where do you want me?"

"In- Inside me," Regina pleaded, "I need you inside me."

She gasped at the blonde's aggressive touches, and moaned at the way Emma seemed to light her entire body on fire. There were so many sensations, so many things to compartmentalize, only for her to fall into the bottomless depths of Emma's sea green eyes. This affair went a whole lot deeper than just plain need. Unfortunately, both women were too proud to admit it.

 _When you're in the half light_  
 _It is not you I see_  
 _And you'll live a half life_  
 _You only show half to me_

Regina's leg wrapped around Emma's back, of its own accord, as the blonde pulled it up from the floor. The truth was, Regina was desperate to hold the blonde close in any way possible. The brunette shuddered as she thought about how close she had been to losing Emma this day. As hard as she tried not to think about it, those nagging thoughts seemed to come unbidden the forefront of her mind, constantly taunting her. She moaned loudly as hips collided together in the darkness. Regina reached under Emma's shirt, her fingers finding the place where the blonde had been struck out of memory. She felt Emma's breath hitch, underneath her touch, and for a moment she wasn't sure if it was borne out of pain, or desire.

"Regina," Emma whispered as she saw the look in Regina's eyes. "Hey, look at me."

Regina's eyes found Emma's eyes in the darkness. Their unwavering gaze spoke volumes.

"I'm here," Emma assured her, "I'm still here on this earth, and I promise you that I'm not going anywhere. At least not anytime soon." Emma took Regina's mouth in an apologetic kiss. Wanting to convey more with her mouth, and her body, than she knew her words could.

There were days that the blonde felt as if she might very well die from the pain in her chest, particularly when she heard mention of the upcoming nuptials between Regina and Robin Hood. Then again, Emma knew she had no right. She had no claim to the one person she _truly_ loved, and that was why she was so desperate to take anything the brunette would give her. Regina vaguely felt Emma's touch on her body, instead focusing on the feeling of the blonde's persistent mouth on her own. There was something haunting about the blonde's kiss, and Regina couldn't quite figure out what it was. She became distracted, however, as Emma pushed into her for the first time, without asking for further permission. Regina exhaled sharply, as Emma pushed two fingers deep into Regina's core, moaning at what she found. Regina hummed into Emma's kiss as she felt the blonde play her body like a finely tuned instrument.

There were no words for how it felt to be inside of the beautiful brunette. She closed her eyes as she slid her fingers into and out of clinging molten heat, and then back into it. Regina. She could never get enough of Regina. She would die before she ever quelled that need. Emma imagined there was nothing better, and let herself become overwhelmed by it. The brunette could do little more than cry out into the crook of Emma's neck as the blonde, knowing exactly what the brunette wanted and needed, continued to overwhelm her with electrified touches. She stretched the woman's walls, curling and twisting her fingers as she pushed into the rough edge at the top of the brunette's walls. She continued searching; she had to find that one perfect spot in Regina that made the brunette cum without fail, every single time. "Fuck. Oh god, more, I need more." Emma pulled back, her forehead sliding over the glistening skin of Regina's neck. Emma took a voracious breath, just allowing herself to drown in a scent that was uniquely Regina.

"Please... kiss me," Regina moaned, her tone desperate and hoarse. Emma found herself claiming Regina's lips with bruising intensity. She swallowed all of the little wanton moans, as she quickly worked Regina to the edge.

Soon enough, however, the blonde had pulled away again. She was panting hard from the exertion of holding Regina up against the wall. She could feel Regina's body begin to mold with hers, so that the brunette's head was cradled against Emma's neck and shoulder.

Emma's breath hitched as Regina bit down hard on the flesh there, breaking the flawless ivory skin. Regina did this, while trying to hold back the sheer volume of her cries, so that they would not be found out. Emma continued to overwhelm Regina, taking her as close to the edge as the brunette could possibly go, without her falling over into release.

She would never admit this to another living soul, least of all Emma, but part of Regina wanted to leave a mark. She wanted to leave something everyone would see in the light of day. She knew people would notice, and she wanted them to know that _someone_ was stealing touches and kisses in the night. She wanted people to ask questions, hoping that it might force them to address the issue, instead of enduring the pain in her heart forevermore.

"Regina," the sound of reprimand in Emma's breathy voice, was lost somewhere in the sounds made by the two of them.

Regina gasped. "Oh god, I'm so close baby. So close. Just-"

"Hmm..."

"More," Regina said desperately, her body crying out in need... in desperation, "I need-".

"More," Emma chuckled. "Yeah, I've got it," Emma told her, her voice full of an affection and warmth that made Regina's heart full, if only just for a moment. "I've got you," Emma told her. Emma adjusted, pushing the heel of her palm against Regina's clit, as if using the friction in order to give Regina a higher degree of sensation.

"Emma," Regina cried out as her body seized up with an intense climax. Her voice cracked on the blonde's name, and Emma tried to swallow the sound of the brunette's orgasm, as she was still afraid they might be overheard. Emma held Regina for the few beats it took for the brunette to come crashing back down. Carefully, Emma tried to pull out, but was stopped by Regina's hand.

"Wait!…Please, not yet," Regina's whispered, burying her face against Emma's neck, breathing in the blonde's distinctive scent, of perfume and leather. Emma closed her eyes, breathing in the scent of Regina's delicate shampoo as she kissed the top of the brunette's head. They stayed like that for a long moment, breathing together, hearts pounding as one. For a long moment, Emma let herself enjoy it and feel the rapture of it. Then, the doubt and fear slowly crept back in. It wormed it's way inside, replacing the warmth and the love that had been in Emma's heart just moments ago, with something much darker. Doubt.

Usually, their time together was rushed and short. Emma simply wasn't used to having anything more.

Emma quietly started to panic, feeling incredibly vulnerable and open like this, holding Regina's body against her own in the foyer . She had never wanted to express her love so badly in her entire life. It was _killing_ her. And she was afraid that moments like this would only make it more painful in the end.

 _And can you shake it off?_  
 _Oh, can you shake it off for me?_  
 _When you're in the half light_  
 _I don't like the half I see_

"It's getting late, I should go," Emma winced at the way her voice broke under the words, betraying her true feelings of wanting to stay. "I'm sure Henry and Robin will have suspicions, if I stay any longer than I already have."

"No," Regina breathed, gripping the lapels of Emma's coat. "Stay."

"Regina," Emma sighed. "That's not a good idea."

"He's out for the night, if that's what you're afraid of," Regina elaborated, "Please, Emma, I need you tonight." Emma shook her head, trying to pull away. Regina put up a fight, trying to maintain her hold on the blonde.

"You've had me," Emma told her.

"We both know that's _not_ what I meant," Regina bit back. "Come up to bed _with_ me. Spend the night with me."

 _What possesses you?_  
 _Oh, what possesses you?_  
 _Oh, what possesses you?_  
 _Oh, what possesses you?_

"No," Emma asserted, "There are rules, Regina. We made them for a reason. No sleepovers."

"Screw the rules," Regina hissed; taking Emma's mouth in a forceful and bruising kiss, "I'm sick of following the damned rules. I want you to stay!" Regina brushed her forehead against Emma's gently, her breathing heavy and labored.

"You're not being fair," Emma groaned.

Emma felt her heart break as tears started to fall from Regina's eyes. And although the older woman was doing her best not to cry, it couldn't be held back. Emma breathed deeply, kissing Regina's hair. "Okay," she relented, unable and unwilling to cause the brunette pain. But instead of appeasing the brunette, it only seemed to make her more emotional. "Okay," she said again, her voice gentle.

"Shh," Emma tried to soothe her. "Shh... Please don't cry," Emma said as she placed kisses to Regina's face. "I hate making you cry."

 _When you're in the half light_  
 _Oh, it is not you I see_  
 _And you'll live a half life_  
 _You only show half to me_

"Come on," Emma whispered as she pulled Regina up from the floor. Emma felt the brunette's legs wrap tightly around her waist, as Regina buried her face between Emma's neck and shoulder. She could _feel_ the older woman's sobs more than she could hear them. Small puffs of warm air tickled her skin, as the brunette struggled to internalize her emotions, and Emma silently kicked herself. She hated herself for hurting the woman she loved in such a way. Slowly, Emma ascended the stairs, careful to avoid stepping on the boards that she knew would creak and make noise. She tiptoed down the hall past Henry's room, and held her breath as she did so.

Finally, she reached the last door on the left, and reached out for the handle. She entered and shut the door behind them with a soft click.

She carefully extricated Regina's arms from around her neck, and settled the brunette on the bed. Emma quickly pulled off her own jacket, and kicked off her boots, before lowering herself to the bed. She felt Regina's hands on her, as the brunette sought to pull her into bed next to her. Carefully, Emma sidled up right next to her, wrapping her arms around Regina as she settled into the pillows. Regina snuggled into her chest as her cries slowly waned away to nothing. For a long time, Emma laid there, holding the woman as tightly as she could in her arms.

"Shh," Emma whispered over and over again, "I'm right here, Regina. I'm right _here_."

Emma waited until the older woman dozed off, and then fulfilled her end of the bargain, slipping away into the night.

As she took the long way home, Emma tried to remember how on earth they had gotten to this place. It seemed like eons ago that it had started. It had taken so much out of Emma. She wasn't sure she could handle it anymore.

 _Can you shake it off?_  
 _Oh, can you shake it off for me?_  
 _When you're in the half light_  
 _I don't like the half I see_

* * *

 _ **A/N: So that's it for now! Please review and let me know what you think!**_


	3. The First Time

Title: Make it Without You  
Category: TV Shows » Once Upon A Time  
Author: Alwaysbringback-up  
Language: English, Rating: Rated: M (for language and sexual themes)  
Genre: Angst/General

 **Chapter 3: The First Time**

 **Pairing: SwanQueen**

 _ **Disclaimer: I don't own any part of the OUAT universe. All characters belong to Adam and Eddie, the show's creators. I promise that my writing is done purely for recreational purposes only. No ill harm is intended.**_

 _ **A/N: You might be wondering how it all started, so that's what this chapter is for.**_

* * *

The first time was completely unplanned. You had no idea it was coming. You were blindsided by the raw passion of her touch and the kisses she placed on you. Making the first move had been terrifying. The fraction of a second you waited for her to respond to your advances seemed to stretch out indefinitely. But when she finally did return your kiss, and kissed you back with equal fervency, you melted a little inside.

In that moment, the several years filled with building and repressed sexual tension, and the feelings behind it were finally over. You can still remember the feel of her hot breath on your neck, and the moans brought forth from frenzied touches, as she touched you in all of the right places. You can remember the feel of her silken blonde hair running through your fingers as you kissed her over and over again. You can remember stealing a part of her for yourself, anything you could hold on to.

You didn't care that you were supposedly meant for another. Because despite whatever fate claimed to have in store for you, it wasn't right. It couldn't be; not when your heart yearned desperately for the woman in front of you. _She_ is your true love. All you have to do is take one look into those familiar stunning sea green eyes, and you know. You realize it now. After everything the two of you have been through together, you can't imagine your life without her. She took on the weight of the world for you, and even though you know that there is nothing that you will ever be able to do to repay that sacrifice, you still want to try. There is nothing that you wouldn't give for her. It's _her_. It'll always be her.

You can't bring yourself to regret the choice.

Which brings us back to what is happening now, the savior and the severely damaged ex-evil queen, stealing touches and kisses in the night when you're supposed to be sleeping.

You didn't mean for it to happen, it wasn't planned. It just was.

You're still shifting the blame to whatever you can in order to avoid taking responsibility for it. It was the temptation, the stress, whatever. Hell, maybe it was nobody's fault at all. And it most certainly _wasn't_ yours. Or was it?

You try to tell yourself that you didn't hurt anybody. You were just trying to find happiness. That's right… You knew you needed a part of her before you could truly let go and move on. Now all the wondering of what she'd be like, of what it will feel like will be over.

Unfortunately, you didn't see the flaw in that logic. You had no idea that a taste of her would leave you wanting so much more. As human beings we're insatiable. Now you know that it is never enough to have just a taste.

No. You have to possess her, mind, body, and soul.

* * *

 _(Monday, March 23rd, 2015; 2:00 p.m.)_

 _Town Hall, Storybrooke, Maine_

You might be wondering how it all happened…

It had been a long day, a stressful day, and as if to top it all off, Emma found herself trapped in Regina's office, arguing over an arrest she'd made with the headstrong brunette mayor that she'd grown distant from these last few months. Emma felt long stagnant anger, begin to churn and boil to the surface, almost begging to be set free. And Regina wasn't helping matters. The fact is, even being in the same room with each-other was dangerous territory. Feelings were too raw, too volatile, to result in anything good. Sometimes, walking into Regina's office could be like walking into a viper's nest. Emma had tried to avoid the situation altogether, but needed the mayor to sign off on the paperwork in order to close the case she and David were working on. Emma tried to keep her emotions out of the confrontation, but the truth was, that she was still deeply hurt by Regina's lack of contact during the days she was controlled by the darkness.

 _You may call it in this evening_  
 _But you've only lost the night_  
 _Present all your pretty feelings_  
 _May they comfort you tonight_  
 _And I'm climbing over something_  
 _And I'm running through these walls..._

 _"I thought there was still good in you, but I was wrong_ ," The brunette's words still haunted her to this day. The way that the brunette had just given up on her, was hurtful and agonizing. It was something that she _still_ couldn't get out of her mind, despite the fact that it was many months ago.

Which brings us back to the present, two hurt and damaged women arguing in the Mayor's office. Before either of them could help it, voices were raised. Words increased in volume with each and every retort, until it turned into little more than a shouting match. Tempers flared. It was all Emma could do, not to throw more than words at the brunette.

"This is _ridiculous_ ," Emma spat finally, as it all became too much. Her hands curled into involuntary fists as she fought down an impulse to strike the brunette. "I may still _work_ for you, but I don't have to take this _shit_ from you anymore." Emma knew that the most responsible thing that she could do in that moment was to get out of there, before it turned to violence. She practically seethed, as she rushed towards the chair she'd draped her coat over. "I'm done with this bullshit. I'm done with you. I'm just fucking _done_. If you want to talk of this matter any further, you're going to have to deal with David from now on."

"Where do you think you're going?!" Regina asked in disbelief, as she watched Emma snatch her red leather coat off of the back of the chair and start for the door.

"Back to the station," Emma yelled brusquely, quite a bit more harshly than she had originally intended. With adrenaline pumping, Emma threw open the door. Regina jumped up from her chair, just as the doorknob stuck the wall with a loud bang and bounced back again. "Since it's _obvious_ that what we _have_ will never be _good_ _enough_ for you. Frankly, it's a mystery to me as to why you wanted me to come back as Sheriff. It's obvious that you had no desire to work with me again." Emma could feel her pulse racing as she started out the door. Her heart jumped as a hand lashed out and seized her wrist. It burned like hell, and felt like... Oh god. Emma refused to go there. It was a touch that she craved for constantly, but didn't want...at least not in that moment.

"Let go of me!" Emma practically snarled, as she tried to yank her hand out of Regina's hold. Regina, however, was having nothing of it. Regina yanked back with all of her might, tugging the blonde back inside of her office. "Seriously, Regina. Unhand me this instant!"

"No," Regina's responded obdurately. Emma felt a fair amount of shock as she saw the same crazed look in Regina's eyes. Emma gulped audibly as Regina slammed the door shut, mere inches from the Sheriff's face, effectively blocking Emma's way out. Emma heard the lock engage and knew she was trapped. "We're not done!"

"Regina, do not test me right now," Emma warned. "I swear I will-"

"I'm not finished talking to you," Regina bit back, her tone only barely restrained and controlled. Emma could hear the barely contained waiver in Regina's voice. It was clear that Regina was just barely managing to hold back her own emotions, as well.

 _I don't even know if I believe_  
 _Everything you're trying to say to me_

"No," Emma shot back. "You weren't talking to me. You were yelling at me! For god's sakes, Regina, you just accused me of lying to you, of _intentionally_ going behind your back."

"That's not what I said," Regina tried to speak as calmly as she could.

"Yes it is!" Emma hissed, her eyes full of a sort of blazing fire. "And I resent it! I've never lied to you, Regina. Not _ever_."

"Well," Regina cleared her throat, trying to de-escalate the situation by making a joke, "There was that one time where you took away all of our memories so that we wouldn't know that you'd-"

"Regina," Emma said warningly. "I really don't think that you want to bring that up right now. Because even though _you_ find some twisted sense of humor in it all, I _hardly_ do."

"Fair enough," Regina exhaled, while reaching up to rub some of the tension from her forehead with the pads of her fingers. "My point is this," She said a moment later after some thought. "Can you really blame me for being frustrated, Sheriff?" Emma shook her head, avoiding meeting the woman's molten chocolate eyes...eyes that were filled with far too many feelings for Emma to accurately decipher. Regina was desperate to fix the situation that they both find themselves in, without it coming to blows.

"E-Emma, please," Regina said, as she pleaded with Emma, with not only with her eyes but with her hands as well. "Have you really forgotten the reason that you are here in the first place? You may not have lied, but you _withheld_ information from me. And what's worse is that you withheld important information from me, knowing full-well that it could have lasting legal repercussions, and could cost me my job."

"But it didn't, Regina," Emma breathed, her chest moving up and down, as her lungs struggled to keep up with her racing heart. "And I told you that I would take the fall, if it did. You're right, though. It was _my_ _mistake_. I should have caught it, and I didn't. I take _full_ responsibility for all of it."

"Emma," Regina sighed.

"Look, I need to know if we're going to have a trust issue, here," Emma said exasperatedly, "Because if it's going to be like this all of the time, I might as well turn in my badge now and walk away. I don't want to _do_ _this_ anymore!"

"No!" Regina protested, hating the amount of panic in her voice as she responded. "No one's resigning, Emma. And certainly- Certainly not _you_." Regina said urgently. "I won't stand for it." Emma shook her head.

"The truth is, I'm not really sure that there is anything you could do about it, if I did," Emma said, while toying with the badge at her hip. "You know, maybe it's time. Maybe it's time for me to find something else to do around here. Or- Or I could go back to New York." With a daring look in her eyes, Emma pulled the badge from her hip and looked at it, as if tempted. "Damn, what am I even doing?"

"I believe you were arguing with me because I wouldn't sign off on this pardon, without knowing every circumstance of this case," Regina reminded her.

"Right," Emma bit out quietly, while still refusing to look at the brunette. "You've said your piece."

"Emma," Regina sighed, her jaw tight.

"I'm sorry, okay?" Emma muttered, "Now will you please let me go?"

 _I had the strangest feeling_  
 _Your world's not all it seems_  
 _I'm so tired of misconceiving_  
 _What else this could've been_

"No," Regina said stubbornly. "Not until we talk about what's really going on between us. Emma, I- I thought that we were friends." Panic began to seep into Emma expression, as she realized that this conversation had just taken a turn she didn't want it to. She'd almost rather go back to shouting horrible things at one another... The truth is, she'd do almost _anything_ to avoid getting personal with her former best friend.

Emma needed an escape. Emma kept her gaze away from Regina, feeling the brunette's intense eyes on her, and Regina let out a hollow laugh as she realized what the blonde was doing, "God, you can't even look at me, can you?" Regina, feeling as if she had nothing to lose, reached out for Emma's arm, trying to turn the blonde towards her in order to get the blonde to meet her eyes. Emma fought against the gesture. Still, one thing Emma knew about Regina, was that the brunette did not give up easily. When the older woman had her mind, or her heart set on something, she would not be easily dissuaded. It was one of the reasons why they clashed so very much. Regina was one of the only people on this earth who was as stubborn as Emma was.

"Regina, if you don't let go of me right now," Emma bit out through gritted teeth, as her jaw suddenly tightened exponentially. "So help me god- I will not be held accountable for my actions."

"Look at me!" Regina ordered, as she grabbed Emma by the jaw, and forced the blonde's eyes closer to her own. "Emma, look at me, damn it!" Emma fought her every way that she knew how, even going so far as to wrench her own jaw out of the brunette's grasp.

"God damn it, Regina! You want to know why I can't look at you?" Emma suddenly yelled, as she pushed Regina's hands away, and then shoved the brunette backwards. "I sacrificed myself for you!. I gave up the light for you, not once, but twice! And you want to know how you repaid me?"

"Emma," Regina said breathlessly, her chest heaving. She knew where this was heading, but it still hurt to hear the blonde's words spoken out loud. "I told you I was sorry!"

"At the first sign of trouble, you gave up on me! You avoided me for weeks," Emma said icily. "Hell, you practically left me to the darkness!"

"That's not fair," Regina shot back. "That is not fair, Emma!"

"Oh, so now you're going to pretend that this is my fault?" Emma threw up her hands. "What?! So suddenly I don't even have the right to be angry with you any more?" Emma's eyes hardened much in the same way as her body did, as the blonde bristled with anger. Regina watched Emma cross her arms protectively over her chest as the blonde's mouth spilled angry words. "You want to know what I have to say to you? Fuck you, Regina. That's all I have to say."

"That's not what I was trying to say," Regina shot back. "Damn it, Emma. What I _was_ trying to say, is that I didn't ask you to do that for me!" Regina shouted, her chest heaving in exasperation, as her mouth spewed out her own passion filled words. "I told you not to do it! Not because I wasn't grateful, but because I _never_ _wanted_ that for you!"

"I made you a promise!" Emma shouted angrily, her eyes flashing. "I made you a promise, Regina. And I wasn't about to let-"

"Stop!" Regina said as she felt anger swell up inside of her. "Stop lying to me. But more importantly, stop lying to yourself!"

"Regina," Emma groaned, becoming suddenly frustrated.

"Why-Why won't you just admit why you did it?" Regina said with a quavering voice. The hurt in Regina's eyes was reflected in Emma's own as she registered what was said. Emma was taken aback. How could Regina possibly know why Emma had sacrificed herself? How could she possibly know that Emma was in love with her? Still, Emma couldn't possibly admit it to her now, not in the way that the brunette wanted. Regina was with Robin. They were engaged.

"I'm afraid I don't know what you mean," Emma said coolly, as calmly as she could manage.

"Again with the avoidance," Regina said, as anger began bubbling to the surface once more. It made her angry, that Emma would stand there in front of her, and hide... hide behind walls she'd erected around herself. What Emma didn't seem to know or understand, was that Regina could see right through them.

"Don't," Regina said passionately. "Don't lie to me, Emma!"

"I'm not lying!" Emma shot back.

"Yes," Regina shouted, "Yes, you are. It's just like in Camelot. I swear, If I had had any sense, I should have made you tell me of your feelings then. But we were interrupted by Hook and I let it go."

" _What_ feelings?" Emma said as her arms tightened over her chest. Regina watched the muscles ripple in the blonde's shoulders. "Just what in the hell is it that you think I'm hiding?!"

"You seriously want to know?" Regina asked.

"Sure," Emma told her, her green eyes flashing. "If you really think you know, then why not give it a shot? Tell me, Regina. Tell me what it is that you think I've been hiding from you. Tell me about my deepest darkest secret!"

Regina scoffed, hating Emma for taunting her. Emma waited, a beat, then two. Still, Regina said nothing.

"Come on, Regina," Emma egged her on, "Put up or shut up!"

"FINE!" Regina hissed as she took a step towards Emma. "You know what I think? I think you're in love with me, Emma." Emma felt her heart seize in her throat. Her hands lost their grip on her biceps and her arms fell away from her chest, as the blonde reeled momentarily in shock. "I think you've been in love with me for a while, and it's for that reason you just couldn't resist being the fucking hero." Emma's mouth worked furiously, as her mind struggled to catch up to the flurry of emotions suddenly rushing through her very core.

"That's insane," managed to get out finally. This earned her a hollowed, pain-filled laugh from Regina, just as tears built in her very eyes. "Seriously, Regina, that's fuck-"

" _Don't lie_ -," Regina felt her own heart break, as she watched fear take up residence in Emma's eyes. She knew how the blonde hated being seen as vulnerable. What hurt her, was knowing that the blonde felt like she had to hide. "I know that we're not as close as we used to be, Emma, but I still know you better than just about anyone." Emma shook her head, and took an involuntary step back, just as Regina took one forwards.

"I'm sorry," Regina's voice cracked harshly as she said, "I never wanted to hurt you, Emma. And I-I didn't mean to avoid you. It's just that I- I couldn't look at you, knowing the sheer weight of the sacrifice you made for me. I-I couldn't face you, Emma. I blamed myself. I- I still do."

"I'm not- I am _not_ having this conversation with you, Regina," Emma told her again, her voice suddenly terse.

"Emma-"

"I'm in love with Hook!" Emma blurted out suddenly, her voice full of exasperation. And Regina hated how much those words hurt her. Even now, after knowing and recognizing Emma's love for her, it still hurt. "I would never stand in the way of your happiness, Regina. Never. You go ahead and call it what you want, but you're wrong. You're fucking _wrong_ on this one."

"I'm not," Regina said adamantly. "You let yourself become the Dark One for me, Emma. That is not an empty sacrifice."

"You were my fri-"

"Best friend's don't do that!" Regina shouted. "I don't care _what_ definition of the word you use. Your sacrifice meant something _more_ than that to me, and I know it did to you too!"

"I will not be shamed, Regina," Emma said icily. "And as for anything that happened in Camelot or after, I will not explain my motivations. I shouldn't have to!"

"Fuck you!" Regina spat, as her temper finally got the best of her. "You act so high and mighty, but you're a fucking coward!"

"And you're just as bad, if not worse!" Emma shouted. "You have no right to act as if you know me. You've lost that right."

"Emma," Regina's voice broke, as she pleaded with her for some semblance of the truth, " _Please_ -"

"You don't want the truth from me, Regina," Emma finally told her. "I know that you think you do, but you don't. I'm telling you. You're playing with fire. You need to let this go right now, or people are going to get hurt."

"No," Regina shook her head vigorously.

"I'm not the Emma you knew," Emma told her honestly. "I've lost too much for that. You think that you want to know me- to know the real me, and you don't. I was a monster."

"No," Regina shook her head, "I said it once, and I'll say it again. That woman was _not_ you."

"But it was," Emma laughed. "Don't you get it?! It..It was always just me." Emma took a deep breath, as she met Regina's eyes. "Look, I get wanting to pretend. It's easier to sleep at night, if you ignore the truth. I hurt people. I tortured them."

"Emma," Regina felt the sting of Emma's words. "Stop."

"I broke Henry's heart," Emma breathed. "His heart, Regina. He will never be able to look at me the same way again."

"Emma," Regina felt tears spring to her eyes.

"I did that," Emma said, punctuating each word. "Me." Emma roughly raked a hand through her hair, letting out a growl of frustration. "And I just don't understand, how you could possibly want anything to do with me now."

"You really don't know?" Regina asked. "Emma, you were the first one to forgive me for all of my misdeeds. You really think I'm going to hold what you did against you, when you already appear to be giving yourself a harder time than I ever could?" Regina took a step forwards. "At some point, you're going to have to forgive yourself, Emma. I already _have_. Henry _has_."

"Don't, Regina," Emma hissed sharply.

"Why can't you?" Regina questioned. "Why can't you just let yourself off of the hook?"

"Because I _can't_!" Emma shouted, her voice booming through Regina's office. "Hook died because of what I did. So did Merlin! And I have to live with that. I have to live with that pain every day."

"Emma," Regina breathed, reaching out for the blonde.

"I need to go," Emma spoke, the fight or flight instinct clearly at work in her.

"No," Regina said as she took another step closer.

"You win, okay?" Emma gritted out. "I screwed up with the arrest, but it's a mistake I won't make again." Regina was right, Emma had made a mistake that could have cost her a lot more. Emma decided that if this was all a sort of manipulation in order to get the blonde to admit to such a fact, that Emma would give the brunette what she wanted. She would concede defeat. Just. This. Once. But boy did the blonde hate losing.

"When are you going to understand? I don't care about the damned arrest! I never did!" Regina's voice reverberated loudly. "What I care about, is the fact that you can't even bear to be in the same room as me!"

"I shouldn't have come here," Emma groaned, throwing up her hands before trying to turn away.

"Emma, I'm sorry about what happened. I really am. Please," Regina said quietly, not letting her evade her yet, "I need to know what I need to do to earn back your friendship, and trust!"

"You can't!" Emma screamed, whipping around again to face Regina. Regina took a step back, trying with all her might to keep her expression composed. Tears were already building in her eyes. Emma practically cried, "That's what I've been trying to say. I thought you cared about me, Regina. I thought you were my friend, but when the time came you threw me away like I was nothing!" The words felt like a slap in Regina's face, and Emma could tell that her words had stuck a chord deep within her old friend. "And now you think that I can respect you? That I can just be friends with you again? No. You made it abundantly clear that you want nothing to do with me."

 _So open up my eyes_  
 _Tell me I'm alive_  
 _This is never gonna go our way_  
 _If I'm gonna have to guess what's on your mind_

"No," Regina's voice was hoarse, as the protest came out emphatically. "No, that's not true. You're wrong."

"Am I?" Emma continued defiantly. "Look, I don't need you to tell me how to do my job, Regina. And with all due respect I think its crap that you're keeping me here. How about we just settle for working together?"

"Emma-"

"What. Do. You. Want. From. Me?" Emma shouts, her hands clenching involuntarily.

Emma's eyes flashed. Regina opened her mouth to speak. Emma suddenly realized her mistake. The mayor didn't want anything, especially not from her. All Emma wanted was to leave, and yet she knew that it would destroy her if she did so. "You know what?... Don't answer that." Emma's voice shook as she fought back wave after wave of raw emotion. "The truth is, I don't give a damn about anything you have to say."

"Emma," Regina breathed, feeling the guilt push down on her shoulders. "You seriously don't get it, do you?" Regina said as she latched onto the blonde's arm. "It's you. You're all I ever wanted! You're not the only one who fell in love. You weren't the only one. I-"

 _I don't even know if I believe_  
 _I don't even know if I believe_  
 _Everything you're trying to say to me_

"I'm not having this conversation," Emma said as she instantly started closing herself off to the brunette.

"Emma," Regina said as she caught Emma's eyes. "I need you to listen!"

Emma stole a look into Regina's glistening chocolate eyes. What was it she saw exactly? Emma didn't want to admit it when she saw something that she _did_ recognize. Emma's heart stopped as soon as she saw the same things she had been feeling for years, reflected back at her. Regina wasn't lying. Regina was in love with her too. And after everything she'd been through, the brunette was still about to risk everything. Emma pulled her hand away, determined to leave. She couldn't let Regina do this- not to herself, not to Robin. Emma had to protect her best friend in the only way she could.

"No, Regina," Emma told her forcefully. "Hold your tongue. I-I'm _leaving_."

"No," Regina said emphatically, "You're not leaving. Not until you hear me out."

"You're not in love with me, despite whatever you might think," Emma spoke defiantly.

"Yes," Regina said with immense conviction. "Yes, I am."

"You asked me what I want from you," Regina said as calmly as she could muster. "Well, the answer is- you. I just- I want you, Emma."

"Gee," Emma spoke sarcastically, "You don't ask for much, do you?" Emma's chest was heaving up and down and they were both breathing rapidly.

"Emma..."

"I'm leaving," Emma informed her. "Don't try and stop me."

"Emma, _please_ ," Regina spoke forcefully.

 _Say something, say something_  
 _Something like you love me_  
 _That you want to move away_  
 _From the noise of this place_

Emma let out a gasp as Regina shoved her up against the door rattling it on its hinge. The sheer demonstration of force and control left the blonde dumbfounded. Emma struggled with her, but surprisingly strong arms forced her hands over her head.

"Regina," Emma whispered breathlessly, as Regina's wide brown eyes met her own. The brunette looked just as stunned by what just happened, as Emma did. It seemed as though Regina's body acted before her mind did, and only just now was her mind catching up to it all.

"You're not leaving," Regina told her. "Emma, I know you know I'm telling the truth, I saw it in your eyes when you looked at me. I...I have loved you for so long, that I got really good at pretending that I didn't. But I'm done pretending. Please...Please stop fighting it, Emma. Stop fighting me."

Regina was breathing heavily, looking almost torn between what to do next. Emma's struggle to free herself began anew, but was only half hearted. Something about the way Regina's body was pressed against her own, felt right. It was the most incredible feeling she'd experienced in a very _very_ long time.. Regina made her decision at the precise moment that Emma spoke. "What are you-," Regina didn't let the blonde finish as lips hungrily crashed against Emma's own. Teeth clanked together, with the sheer force of it. The kiss was entirely too forceful to resist.

Emma was suddenly overloaded with sensation. For a moment she resisted to the best of her ability as Regina's lips clashed against her own. She refused to kiss back, instead focusing on the feeling of the brunette's mouth moving persistently against her own. But before long, Emma gave in and kissed her back just as desperately. The fact is, she wanted to give in. The blonde closed her eyes, never wanting it to end. She would never admit it, but she felt as if she'd lived her entire life for this moment.

 _So open up my eyes_  
 _Tell me I'm alive_  
 _This is never gonna go our way_  
 _If I'm gonna have to guess what's on your mind_

As Regina pulled away to take a breath, Emma opened her mouth to speak, only to be assaulted all over again. And since Emma's lips were now parted, Regina's tongue invaded. A moan was pulled from her mouth, as the Regina released Emma's hands in favor of exploring the younger woman's muscular body.

"Regina," Emma gasped. A moan slipped from her lips as she felt Regina's hands skate all over her body. Regina's hands were anything but still; they were moving, kneading, and exploring the feel of Emma's flesh. As Emma felt Regina's fingers press into her muscles, with just the right pressure, Emma relaxed. Emma let her head fall back against the door, exposing the expanse of her neck to Regina's questing lips. Emma had to do everything in her power to avoid melting into a puddle at Regina's feet as she felt the brunette's warm tongue, press against the adam's apple of her neck.

"Oh god that feels so good," Emma admitted aloud, moaning. Regina shivered ever so slightly as she felt the vibrations of Emma's voice box under her lips. There was something strangely erotic about it all. She surmised that it had to do with a deep underlying love of the sound of Emma's voice. Hearing her speak was one thing, but feeling it, experiencing it was another. Oh god. There were so many things that she loved about this woman. She had to have her.

"I have to have you," Regina told her. "Emma, _please_."

"O-Okay," Emma managed through hitches in her breathing.

"Okay?" Regina pulled back for a moment, and searched Emma's eyes for some sort of sign that she meant it. She seemed to find what she was looking for, because she dove back in, hungrily taking Emma's mouth with her own.

Emma could hardly think straight as Regina pushed her jacket off of her strong shoulders. She kissed Emma almost reverently as her hands moved for the button of Emma's jeans.

"Regina," Emma panted breathlessly, completely stunned by how much Regina wanted her. Emma had always thought that her feelings were one sided, and that her love was destined to be unrequited.

"I…I don't want you to think that I completely abandoned you. You said that you wanted to know why I stayed away…. it was you. Emma, I was so in love with you, and it killed me to know that…that the woman I'd fallen in love with was gone. But I fought for you. I fought to get you back, and I protected the people you cared about, so that you would never have to feel their blood on your hands. I helped break the curse, and although you might not remember it, I was there." Emma gasped as her thoughts started to race, trying to keep up with all of the information being processed by her brain. She had never imagined such an amazing feeling as she was feeling then.

"Emma," Regina begged, "say something!"

"I...don't know _what_ to say," Emma said honestly. "I honestly never thought you could feel the same way."

"So I was right?" Regina questioned. And Emma laughed.

"Really? Out of _everything_ that's happening right now, _that's_ what you want to focus on?" Emma teased.

"If it means that you love me too, then yeah," Regina told her with a secretive smile, "That's _exactly_ what I want to focus on."

"You're incorrigible," Emma moaned as she felt Regina's lips at her throat. Regina moaned in return as she slid the zipper down on Emma's jeans and forced her hand inside.

Regina stole another kiss from Emma as she slid her fingers between Emma's quivering thighs. "Emma, I want you. I want you so badly it feels like it's killing me."

"Regina," Emma moaned, "Then take me- just _take_ me."

"Couch," Regina whined as she pulled Emma close to her body and directed the two of them to the couch. She threw the blonde haired sheriff down onto the furniture with a little more force than necessary, tugging frantically at the woman's jeans in the process. She let out a growl as the fabric refused her. Emma swallowed hard as Regina, literally tore the fabric from her legs. In the blink of an eye, Regina was on top of her. Emma's hands reached up Regina's blouse. She too, felt impatience as she fumbled with the buttons. With an aggravated sound, Emma decided to just rip it open, and buttons were sent scattering to the floor in all directions.

"That was my favorite shirt!" Regina exclaimed, with a mournful sound. "You tore my favorite jeans. I'd say we're even."

"That was a three hundred dollar blouse!" Regina bit back with fire in her eyes, "Your jeans cost what? Fifteen dollars?"

"Oh, for fuck's sake," Emma growled, "I'll buy you a new blouse, if you promise to shut up about it, and just kiss me already!" Emma was rewarded with what could only be called a fierce kiss between the two of them.

Regina moaned in appreciation as Emma's hands seized her hips and warm fingers started etching patterns into her skin. Regina reached for the hem of Emma's shirt, yanking it over Emma's head, while hardly breaking the kiss. Emma let out a gasp as Regina's lips latched themselves onto her jaw before kissing her way down the blonde's neck. With a pop, the clasp of Emma's bra popped open. She hadn't even been aware of Regina's hands or their deft movements until now.

"Oh god," Regina breathed huskily, "You're even more exquisite than I imagined."

"Regina," Emma moaned in a deep throaty voice as Regina's mouth latched onto one of her pert breasts, her tongue twirling around Emma's nipple as her mouth sucked at it gently. Emma's head dropped back on the couch as all thought and protest were taken from her. Emma gasped as her body sought more of Regina's touch. One of the mayor's deft fingers slipped under the fabric of Emma's panties to the territory beneath it. Emma moaned, a deep guttural moan that shook Regina to her very core, as Regina's fingers dipped into her wetness. The brunette spread around the resulting slickness, and gathered it on her fingers, as she parted the blonde's outer lips with her fingertips. "Please," Emma moaned, her tone desperate and pleading. Emma screwed her eyes shut, as the brunette suddenly pushed deep inside of her; her long elegant fingers spurring on sensations from nerve endings all over the blonde's body. Regina suddenly freed her mouth from Emma's chest before she took Emma in another deep kiss, moaning wantonly into Emma's mouth.

"Regina," Emma whispered against Regina's lips in a plea, trying to pull away. "Wait a minute... This can't happen. You're-," Regina swallowed the next word, but Emma persisted. "Engaged. _Please_ -."

"Emma," Regina panted between kisses and touches. Then she registered Emma's words for the first time, and stopped. It hit her like a slap to the face. Slowly fingers receded from Emma's core. Her fingers were still damp from Emma's wanting, and Regina looked at them with a crestfallen look on her face. She's not going to take someone against their will, no matter how badly she wants to. She'd been the victim of that for too long in her life, and vowed that she would never do that to another soul. She'd already made that mistake once before. She would not do that to Emma. _Ever_.

"Wait," Emma gasped as she felt sudden emptiness. For the first time since Killian's passing, the blonde felt alive. "I didn't- I didn't mean for you to stop. The truth is, I've been dying to have you for so long."

"Y-You have?" Regina's voice cracked in uncertainty.

"Yes," Emma confessed, while meeting Regina's loving and open expression. "I'm sorry. I should have told you a long time ago, but I was too afraid to say something. I didn't know if it was me, or if it was the darkness left in me that made me want you."

 _So open up my eyes_  
 _Tell me I'm alive_

"Do you know now which it is?" Regina questioned, not sure if she really wanted to know the answer.

"Regina," Emma breathed, her eyes filling with tears. "I've wanted you for years. It was just the darkness inside of me that made me brave enough to admit how I truly felt. I..." Regina's desperate mouth swallowed Emma's next words. Her heart felt full to bursting and she didn't know how to contain herself any longer. She had to have Emma, if only for a few minutes. She would never forgive herself if she didn't take what was so desperately wanted and needed.

"Emma," Regina moaned as the blonde's fingers raked across her sides. "I need you. _Please_."

"Fuck," Emma moaned as her eyes fluttered close. She felt Regina's lips everywhere that they could reach, in such a tight embrace. "T-Take me," Emma pleaded, as she pulled Regina against her. "Just take me!" Regina pushed into her with a new sense of elation, as she kissed the blonde desperately in need.

You give her exactly what she wants because you know that you want it too. You've wanted it for so long and you know that having her once is better than never having her at all. You know that you'll hate yourself for it later, but you can't walk away. So you let her fuck you on the couch in your office like some sort of cliché.

 _ **A/N: So that's the next chapter! I hope you liked it!**_

 _ **Please hit the review button on your way out! I would truly appreciate any feedback you have to offer.**_


	4. Moving On

Title: Make it Without You  
Category: TV Shows » Once Upon A Time  
Author: Alwaysbringback-up  
Language: English, Rating: Rated: M (for language and sexual themes)  
Genre: Angst/General

 **Chapter 4: Moving On**

 **Pairing: SwanQueen**

 _ **Disclaimer: I don't own any part of the OUAT universe. All characters belong to Adam and Eddie, the show's creators. I promise that my writing is done purely for recreational purposes only. No ill harm is intended.**_

 _ **A/N: Next chapter! Some important things happen in this chapter! For one, Emma's date with Jake might be the one thing that finally makes Regina pull her head out of her 'you know what.' Secondly, Emma gets some much needed attention from someone with purely good intentions. I dearly hope that I've made Jake's character likable. I really tried. I guess you'll have to tell me, if I accomplished this or not.**_

* * *

 _(Friday, September 25th, 2015; 5:00p.m.)_

 _Sheriff's Station; Storybrooke, Maine_

At the end of the day on Friday, Emma found herself feeling anxious and apprehensive about her upcoming date with Jake. Sure, she was excited to do something for herself, for once, but at the same time she felt torn. She just couldn't shake the feeling that she was betraying Regina, in some way.

At the same time, Emma was done feeling like she was something to be used and discarded. All she wanted was to feel treasured - she wanted to feel special.

Emma had been talking to Jake every day since their meeting. She found that the more she leaned about the man she'd met in the bar, the more she was intrigued.

Emma grabbed her coat from the back of her chair, and followed her father out of the Sheriff's station.

Emma quickly pulled her phone out of her back pocket, as it started going off.

"Hello," Emma breathed, well aware of the fact that her father was watching her closely.

"Hey. It's me. I should be pulling in just….about…. now." Emma smiled as a very sharp BMW pulled up in front of the Sheriff's Office. The car looked like a little roadster, and Emma winced, as she realized that the vehicle was above something she could ever afford. She wasn't able to dwell on it for, long however, as she noticed how Jake's face lit up when he caught sight of her waving to him. "Ta da," Jake's voice came on the other end of the phone. The line clicked dead, as he killed the engine, and hopped out of the driver's seat. He walked up to her and planted a kiss on her cheek.

"Hey," Emma smiled, shyly.

"Hi," Jake's voice was soft, as he handed her a bouquet of flowers. "You look beautiful, Emma." To this compliment, Emma could only laugh. After all, she _knew_ that she looked sub-par after working nearly twenty-four hours in a row, but he seemed so genuine it was hard to discount his earnestness. He reached for her hand.

"Thank you," Emma returned, "You don't look so bad yourself!" Jake let out a chuckle, as he too accepted the compliment. Emma made a point of turning her head to indicate her father. "Jake, this is my father, David," Emma introduced the two of them, as she gave Jake's hand a squeeze.

"It's very nice to meet you, sir," Jake greeted politely, as he relinquished his hold on Emma's in order to shake David's.

"I like him," David said as Jake gave his hand a healthy shake. "He's polite."

Jake let out a warm laugh. "I can't take credit for that, much as I'd like."

"I promise I'll take good care of her," Jake reassured him.

"Have her home by 9:00," David joked.

"Dad!" Emma groaned as her cheeks flushed a deep shade of red.

"Kidding- I'm kidding," David laughed. "Have her home by 10:00."

"Oh god," Emma huffed, "Just shoot me."

"Never," Jake replied, as he pressed a chaste kiss to Emma's cheek.

"You two have fun," David said seriously.

"We will," Jake assured him. "Shall we get going?" he asked Emma softly, with a glance towards the car.

"Yeah," Emma nodded.

"Have fun, sweetheart," her Dad could see something light up in Emma's eyes in Jake's presence. It made him happy to see Emma's beaming smile, as they walked to the car. She'd been so crushed after losing Hook. And there were some days that Charming was afraid that he would never see his little girl happy again. He just hoped that Jake could put the pieces of Emma's heart back together again.

"See you later, Dad," Emma said fleetingly, as she followed Jake to his car. David was impressed as Jake opened the door for his little girl, making sure she was in before carefully shutting the door after her.

* * *

 _I remember when you were all mine_  
 _Watched you changing in front of my eyes_  
 _What can I say?_  
 _Now that I'm not the fire in the cold_  
 _Now that I'm not the hand that you hold_  
 _As you're walking away_

Regina saw this happiness, too, although she felt much differently about the whole thing.

She hated just about everything about this situation, as she found herself hunched down in the driver's seat of her Mercedes, watching the two of them with pain-filled eyes. The truth is, that brunette hadn't intended to spy on the two of them, but the timing had worked out just so. It had just so happened that the only parking spot had been across the street from the Sheriff's station. She'd been walking to her car with her briefcase, when he'd pulled up, and he'd caught her eye. At first, she thought it was just some average stranger. But then Emma had come out, her eyes searching for and then finding the car, now pulling up in front of the station. She'd watched as Emma smiled and waved at him, as he clamored out of his car. The blonde had seemed genuinely happy, when she looked at him. She had appeared suddenly shy as he pressed a chaste kiss to her cheek, and Regina suddenly knew. This man was her competition. This man, a handsome and earnest gentlemen, was the one who could ver well take everything from her. She knew Emma would be most displeased with her, if the blonde knew of the brunette's prying. But for some reason, she just couldn't look away. She was petrified of losing the blonde to someone else. And for the first time, in her life, she was at a complete loss of what to do.

 _Will you call me to tell me you're alright?_  
 _'Cause I'll worry about you the whole night_  
 _Don't repeat my mistakes, I won't sleep 'til you're safe inside_  
 _If you're home I just hope that you're sober_  
 _Is it time to let go now you're older?_  
 _Don't leave me this way, I won't sleep 'til you're safe inside_

Regina hated that someone else could make the blonde happier than she did. Of course, the brunette remembered Emma telling her about her upcoming date earlier in the week, but never, not once, did she actually think that the blonde intended to go through it. This was one hell of a wake up call, and it made her heart burn with intense jealousy.

She could hear their laughter from across the street as Emma and her beau meandered down the sidewalk and towards his car. It suddenly occurred to her that Regina didn't even know his name. She noticed how his hand lingered on Emma's lower back as he gently ushered the blonde into the passenger seat of his car.

She wanted to detest the man on principle, especially because he seemed genuinely fond of Emma. And also, she wanted to despise him, because he was her competition. But, for some reason, what really turned her insides was that Emma really seemed to like him too. She felt the blonde's betrayal in a way that she knew would never be forgotten. And yet, that would all be forgotten, if Emma would only just come back to her.

She couldn't lose Emma. Not like this. If she lost the blonde now, it felt like it might very well destroy her.

 _Everyone has to find their own way_  
 _And I'm sure things will work out okay_  
 _I wish that was the truth_  
 _All we know is the sun will rise_  
 _Thank your lucky stars that you're alive_  
 _It's a beautiful life_

Regina grudgingly admitted that it was a possibility. She could easily see Emma falling for this man, in her mind's eye. The man was extremely handsome, chivalrous, and dare she say...charming?

Emma's date had striking blue eyes, perfectly styled hair, and a perfectly proportioned angular face. He also had a good sense of style. Between the car, and his dress code, Regina could tell that he made good money. He was dressed in a beautiful deep green button up shirt, and dress slacks, with shined shoes. It looked casual, however, because he had rolled up the sleeves over his forearms. Regina bit down hard, as she watched him put the top down. He slipped on some aviator sunglasses, before sliding into the driver's seat. Emma gave a feeble and fleeting wave to her Dad, before she turned her eyes to her date once more.

Regina felt her breath hitch in her throat, as she saw, Emma's hand fall into the space between the two of them, practically begging her date to take it in his own.

She felt her eyes fill with tears as she realized that the blonde was slipping away from her now. She thought...no, she was sure, that their love was strong enough to make it through just about everything. But now, she couldn't help but think that maybe she'd overestimated her own worth. Maybe the love that Emma looked at her with, wasn't love at all, but was something...else. She sobbed bitterly, as she hated how easily she could become undone. Yet, there was pain, so much pain inside of her heart, just now.

 _If you make the same mistakes_  
 _I will love you either way_  
 _All I know is I can't live without you_  
 _There is nothing I can say_  
 _That will change you anyway_  
 _Darling, I could never live without you_  
 _I can't live, I can't live_

* * *

"You do look absolutely stunning today, Emma," Jake told her with a smile as he slid down into the driver's seat. "I'm really glad you agreed to go out with me."

"Me too," Emma replied honestly, as Jake turned the key over and the engine roared to life.

"And you know, you don't look so bad yourself," Emma said with an affectionate smile, "I don't remember you looking nearly as handsome at the bar."

"Thanks, it must have been the lighting, I think," he joked. "Sometimes the shadows don't show my best angles."

"No!" Emma exclaimed with a laugh, "Oh god no! I didn't mean it like that! I- I just meant that I must have been distracted, because you're beautifully handsome. Like seriously, I can't believe you'd even want to go out with me."

"Relax, Emma," Jake laughed in return, "I'm only joking." Emma felt a flush creep up her neck and into her cheeks as Jake reached over to give her hand a squeeze. She liked his little affectionate touches, and she found that not a single one of them was unwanted. This was surprising, because she usually preferred it when other people kept their hands to themselves.

She felt the loss of his touch, as he moved his hand over to the gearshift, and shifted into drive. Her hair was kicked up by the wind as he accelerated.

"You didn't say what sort of clothes I should wear," Emma pointed out over the sound of the engine, "I hope this is okay for wherever we're going."

"It's perfect," he said honestly.

"So, where exactly it is that we're going?" Emma asked. Jake looked at her for a moment as he tried to figure out how much to tell her. He wanted it to be a surprise, but he didn't want her to feel uncomfortable either.

"Just a place that I like to go to when the weather is nice," Jake smiled. They both glanced out the windows at the thinning clouds in the sky. "I uh…I actually thought we could have a picnic. There's a spot that I'd like to take you to."

"Is that where you take all of your dates?" Emma asked with a twinkle of her green eyes.

"Actually," he replied, "I haven't taken anyone else there before. It's a place very near and dear to me."

"I guess I should feel honored, then," Emma said as she took her eyes off of the road in front of them, to look at him. Her breath hitched in her lungs as he just so happened to look at her in the exact same moment, and his eyes met hers. They held each other's gaze for a long moment, before Jake was forced to look back to the road. But Emma started breathing again, when she felt his hand slide over hers to give her hand a squeeze.

They made nice conversation the rest of the way to their destination. Emma let out a gasp of surprise as they pulled onto the side of the road near a trail-head on the edge of town. Jake cut the engine after putting the car in park.

"We're here," Jake smiled as he opened his door.

"And where is here, exactly?" Emma asked, as he hopped out of the front seat and walked around to open the door for his date. He opened the back door of his car to pull out a picnic basket that Emma had failed to notice before.

"It's a secret," Jake told her. "Don't worry. I won't get us lost. I know exactly where we're going." Jake spoke with certain giddiness. He held out his hand for Emma as he led her away from the car.

They made their way down a small trail to an ATV, which was seemingly waiting for them with keys in the ignition. Jake fastened the picnic basket to the back, and handed Emma a helmet.

"Is this yours?" Emma asked in surprise.

"It sure is," he replied with a wide smile. "I hope you don't mind doing some off-roading, but it's an awful long way to walk on foot, otherwise."

"Are you sure that you want to go off-roading in those?" Emma asked as she arched a brow. "You'll get mud all over your nice clothes."

"What's dry cleaning for, if not this," Jake said with a laugh. "Besides, you only live life once."

"I like your philosophy," Emma said honestly as she pushed her helmet onto her head, and fastened the strap under her chin. She pulled down the visor to shield her face.

"Yeah," Jake nodded, "I know that it's a little…err…bit of an unconventional choice for a first date, but it sounded like you could use a relaxing time."

"I definitely could," Emma confirmed, "It's been a hell of a week."

"Then I promise," Jake smiled, "I'll make sure you have a great time. Even if our trip there is a little interesting."

"Hey," Emma began with a hint of laughter, "Just as long as you're not taking me into the woods to get rid of my body, we should be fine," Emma said.

"I can promise you that you're safe with me," Jake replied. "Although I _can't_ promise you that we won't come across some wildlife along the way," he said with a hint of mirth.

"Will you protect me from the big bad wolf, sir knight?" Emma joked.

"Sure," Jake answered, "But if we come across a bear, all bets are off."

"It's every man for himself, right?" Emma said.

"I have a feeling that you can take care of yourself," Jake said with a bit of a chuckle, "The truth is, you look like you don't mess around, and I was a knight of the Round Table for Christsakes."

"Hah," Emma couldn't keep her throat from opening up in laughter.

"I like you, Jake," Emma told him honestly, "I really like you."

"I like you too, Emma," Jake said with a beaming smile. Emma watched as Jake pulled his helmet on and hopped on the ATV. Emma hopped on behind him, wrapping her arms around his midsection. She couldn't help but notice as she did so, that he has well defined abdominals. She could practically feel the muscles ripple under her touch. With a roar, the engine came to life.

"Hold on!" Jake shouted over the engine as he twisted the throttle and the ATV lurched forwards, kicking up the dirt behind them. They wove their way through the dense woods, for twenty minutes or so. Every so often, Emma would see the sun peaking through the dense canopy of trees. It was beautiful, albeit a little damp. Ferns littered the floor of the dense woods, painting the forest floor with a vibrant lively green, not unlike Emma's beautiful eyes. Every so often, Emma would let out a little bit of a squeak as they splashed through puddles on the two track. Eventually, they started slowing. Emma gave Jake's middle a squeeze, as they came to a stop. Emma slowly climbed off. Jake cut the engine and slid off the side. He unfastened the picnic basket, and plucked it up in his hand.

"We here?" Emma questioned, looking around.

"Not quite," Jake answered, "But we're getting there." She swore she could hear a smile in his reply.

"It's this way," Jake said, glancing over his shoulder at Emma, his eyes still light.

He started into the thick forest. Emma remained completely motionless. Panic was clear in her stance as she looked at where Jake was disappearing through the trees. He realized quickly that Emma wasn't following him and looked at her expectantly. "You coming?"

"Uh…" Emma swallowed as she shoved her hands into her pockets, trying to hide her nervousness. "You know what? You go ahead without me…"

"Is something wrong…?" Jake asked.

"It's just that," Emma breathed. "Jake, there's no path."

"I know," Jake spoke as he walked back towards her, his eyes twinkling. "Listen, Emma, there's a quote I once grew fond of. It says… Do not go where the path may lead, but go instead where there is no path and leave a trail. That's what we're doing."

"Wait a minute," Emma laughed, "You planned this. We're intentionally hiking through the woods where there's no trail?"

"Is that a problem?" Jake asked, "I…I figured you'd _like_ hiking through these woods… It'll remind you of the Enchanted Forest." He looked crestfallen.

"Oh boy," Emma laughed. "Okay. Here's the thing, Jake, and please don't be angry… But I didn't _actually_ grow up in the Enchanted Forest." Jake looked shocked and appalled at this admission.

"You… You didn't?" He asked, suddenly looking horrified. "Oh, man, I'm such an idiot. I guess I just assumed…"

"Whoa, hey!" Emma exclaimed, grabbing his hand. "I-I'm sorry. I…I honestly thought you knew."

Jake couldn't help but laugh. "I honestly had no idea. Nearly everyone in Storybrooke is from the Enchanted Forest, and so naturally I just assumed that you were too. It's kind of funny if you think about it. The only person I'm aware of that wasn't from the Enchanted Forest or Fairytale land, is the Savior." Jake suddenly stopped talking. Emma suddenly looked guilty. "Oh my god," Jake groaned as he smacked his forehead, hard with his hand. "You're her, aren't you? You're the Savior."

"It's kind of funny, if you think about it," Emma said with a beaming smile. "You have to be the only one in Storybrooke who didn't know that."

"Again," Jake groaned. "I'm an idiot."

"No you're not," Emma argued, "Look, the whole point of us going on a date was to get to know each other. Please believe me when I say that I would have told you eventually, but I…I really didn't want that to be the reason you wanted to go out with me. I…I wanted it to be because…you know, you liked me for me."

"I already like you, Emma," Jake spoke honestly, "Whether or not you have a title tacked to your name, has nothing to do with that."

"Good," Emma smiled.

"So…" Jake laughed, "You weren't raised in the Enchanted Forest."

"No," Emma shook her head, "I…was born there, but I didn't grow up there. I grew up in this world. But that doesn't mean that I won't enjoy what you have planned."

"Are you sure?" he asked, "Because we don't have to do this, if you don't want to. We can..."

"Hey!" Emma exclaimed. "I do want to do this. I promise. Just as long as you can assure me that we won't get lost. I just really don't want to have to spend the night in the woods, because we got lost."

"Don't worry," Jake spoke, "It's only about two miles in or so, and we're in no hurry. I mean…we have a good five hours of daylight left." Emma swallowed, instead of answering. She was afraid that her voice would squeak in that annoying way if she tried to answer. Two miles. She swore silently that he was trying to kill her.

"What are you thinking?" Jake asked finally as the silence became nearly unbearable.

"Let's do it," Emma spoke determinedly.

"You sure?" Jake clarified.

"Positive," Emma smiled. "Hell, we've gone through all this trouble already, we might as well do this. Plus, I really want to see the surprise."

"Emma," Jake reassured her, "You don't have to do this for me."

"I want to," Emma said. "But if you want me to hike four miles through the forest before sundown, you'd better start leading the way," Emma said jokingly. Jake frowned at her, struggling to understand her tone and expression. He gave up after a moment, and started leading the way into the forest.

It wasn't as hard as Emma originally feared. The way was mostly flat, and Jake held the damp ferns and webs of moss aside for her. When the straight path took them over fallen trees or boulders, Jake gently lifted her over them by the hips, his hands burning her skin despite their distinct coolness. His hands would linger on her just long enough to accomplish what they needed, then he'd be pulling away. Jake's touch on her skin never failed to make Emma's heart thud erratically. Twice when it happened, Emma swore that she caught a look on his face that indicated he could somehow hear it.

Emma tried to distract herself as much as possible, trying in vain to keep her eyes away from his perfection as much as possible. Each time she gave in, Jake's dark hair and deep blue eyes pierced through her with affection.

"You ever have any pets?" Jake asked finally after a long period of silence. Emma looked up to find him leaning against a nearby tree.

"Umm," Emma flushed, "Not really. I mean…. I had a gold fish once when I was younger, but I never really got the chance to get a real one. I was…umm… bounced around the foster system a lot as a kid, and most of my foster families didn't want or allow any pets."

"Wow…umm…" Jake looked suddenly quite sad, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to bring back any bad memories or anything."

"It's okay," Emma said with a shrug. "You can't get to know someone without asking questions, right?" Emma was surprised when she looked over at him to find that he was perfectly at ease, and more comfortable then she had ever seen him.

"Did you?" Emma voiced a heartbeat later. "Have a pet, I mean?"

"Nope," Jake shook his head, "Not unless you count my horse as a pet."

Emma began to make her way over to him, looking away from Jake just in time to see a branch that underneath her, which her right foot clipped. She was sent tumbling towards the ground. She wasn't prepared for the two arms that pulled her backwards into Jake's arms, at the last moment. She stood there for a moment, afraid to move. Emma could feel every inch of Jake's body behind hers. She closed her eyes, relishing the feeling of his arms around her. Emma had to admit, that it felt _good_.

"You okay?" Jake breathed in her ear. A shiver worked its way up Emma's spine, as Jake's warm breath ghosted over the shell of her ear.

"Yes," Emma barely breathed. She felt Jake release her before slowly stepping backwards again. She looked over to find him with his hand over his jaw. His eyes sealed closed. Apparently the contact had rattled him as much as it had her. After a large sigh, Emma resumed walking very slowly, carefully. She listened as Jake began to follow her.

The hike took them the better part of two hours, but Jake never showed any sign of impatience. The forest was a deep green, boundless labyrinth that seemed to continue on forever in all directions. Emma began to feel nervous. What if they never found their way out?

After walking a little further, the light around them transformed, it grew to be a bright jade, filtering through the trees. The day had clearly turned sunny, just as Jake had foretold. For the first time since they'd entered the woods, Emma felt a thrill of excitement, which quickly turned into impatience.

"Are we there yet?" Emma teased, pretending to scowl.

"Nearly," Jake smiled at the change in Emma's mood. "Do you see the brightness ahead?"

"Um should I?" Emma didn't notice anything as her eyes peered through the dark forest, scrutinizing everything she saw.

They continued on for another hundred yards, and it was then that Emma caught the first glimpse of a lightening in the trees ahead. She picked up the pace, growing eager with every step. Jake let her lead now, following soundlessly.

She reached the edge of the pool of light and broke through the last fringe of ferns, and into the loveliest place that she had ever seen. She broke quickly through the barrier. The meadow in which she stood now, was small, perfectly round, and filled with wildflowers of all colors. Somewhere nearby, Emma could hear moving water, perhaps from a small stream. The sun was bright overhead, instantly warming the skin on Emma's face and arms. She walked slowly, awestruck, through the soft grass, swaying flowers, and warm gilded air.

Emma wanted desperately to share this moment with him but as she turned around, searching for him. He was nowhere to be found.

"Jake?" Emma panicked, her voice worried. Finally, she spotted him, still under the dense shade of the canopy at the edge of the hollow, watching her with cautious eyes.

"Do you like it?" Jake asked apprehensively, as he stepped into the light.

"I don't like it," Emma said as she shook her head happily, "I love it! It's perfect… wow… Just wow. How are you single, again?" Jake let out a laugh as he bounded over to her, and set the picnic basket down.

"Probably the awful pick up lines, remember?" he joked, as he pulled out a picnic blanket and spread it out over the grass. He then held out his hand to help Emma down onto it.

"This has to be one of the best dates I've ever been on," Emma said as he pulled out a bottle of wine, two sandwiches, chips, and two slices of cherry pie.

"It might not be a four star restaurant, but sometimes the setting is what makes it truly enjoyable," Jake told her as he pulled out two plastic wine glasses and poured Emma a glass.

"That and the company," Emma spoke with a smile. Jake filled Emma's glass and handed it to her. Emma felt a jolt of electricity spread up her hand, as their fingers brushed during the exchange. Emma watched as Jake poured himself a glass.

"To good company," He bid her with a smile.

"To good company," Emma echoed as they clanked their glasses together and each took a sip. Emma moaned softly at the taste. It was really good.

"I don't want to scare you," Jake said softly, "But I really like you, Emma."

"I like you too," Emma reciprocated.

"This is…amazing," Emma smiled at Jake as she finished her sandwich.

"Thank you," Jake returned, "I try…what can I say?"

"So…" Emma cleared her throat, "tell me a little about yourself."

"Says the woman who only gave me her first name the first time that we met?" Jake asked as he raised his brow. This earned him somewhat of a laugh from Emma. "Just kidding… Umm… Let's see. I grew up in the Enchanted Forest, but lost my mother and father when I was young and decided to join the King's Army. I met King Arthur and joined him on his quest. I wish I could say why I decided to be a lawyer, but that's just sort of where the chips fell when the curse did. Although it's not entirely surprising given the manner in which…I lost my mother. She was murdered. I was incredibly young, but even then…even then I resolved that I wanted to fight for justice… I'm sorry if I sound bitter."

"Oh," Emma found herself reaching out for him, "I'm so sorry. I…I sort of know what it's like to grow up without parents. But I can't even imagine losing a parent like that."

"It's okay… It's been a long time. I've had a long time to get closure…" Jake nodded softly and then forced a small smile, "but thank you. It means a lot to me…" Emma let go of his hand as he continued. "Your Dad seems like a nice man."

"He is," Emma nodded. "It's been hard for him sometimes, because I know that he really missed the chance to see me grow up. But he's always been very loving." Emma cleared her throat. "It's just hard becomes sometimes he doesn't seem to get that I'm an adult, and that I'm capable of make my own choices - my own mistakes."

"It's just because, in his eyes, you'll always be his little girl," Jake said honestly. "The one he held in his arms for however briefly."

"Part of my battle has been achieving forgiveness," Emma said openly, "It took me a long time to forgive them for putting me in the wardrobe, and sending me to another world. Of course, I understand why they had to do it, but it doesn't make my childhood any less difficult." Emma sighed. "Sorry," Emma blushed, "Enough depressing talk."

"What's your favorite book?" Emma inquired.

"Homer's the Iliad," Jake answered, "I've always been one to enjoy Greek mythology for some reason. And I feel like I can relate to it in terms of war. War has always been romanticized, but the truth is, it's gruesome, and can be cruel."

"You speak any other languages?" Emma questioned.

"I'm fairly fluent in French," Jake answered.

"Ah. The language of love," Emma teased.

"It's a beautiful language," Jake defended.

"Say something to me in French," Emma requested of him softly.

"Vos yeux brillent comme le soleil se reflétant hors fonction de l'océan vert," Jake breathed as he reached out to brush a strand of hair from Emma's eyes. Emma felt herself melt a little inside. She didn't even need to know what he had said. She could see it in his eyes.

"So what's your favorite flavor of ice cream?" Emma asked.

"Mint Chocolate chip," Jake said as she baited a piece of fruit in front of him. "You?"

"Strawberry," Emma answered.

"Favorite color?" Jake asked.

"Blue," Emma answered. "You?"

"Green," Jake answered.

"This may seem a bit forward, but may I kiss you, Emma Swan?" he asked as his eyes wandered down to her lips, and then back up to her eyes. Emma felt the same attraction. He needed no verbal answer. Emma nodded.

It seemed to take forever to close the small gap between them. Jake leant into the kiss; his mouth finding hers as the sky opened up on cue and small drops of rain began to fall from the sky.

It was a simple kiss. One minute they were apart and the next he was pressing gently against her lips with his. It was tentative and delicate. It was everything that a 'real' first kiss would be expected to be… and then suddenly everything changed. In the single beat of her heart, the kiss went from a gentle, sweet kiss to a needy, urgent, and soul-consuming kiss. It was as if Jake knew everything about her...every minute detail. He delicately teased her lower lip, nibbling just along the edge, while his tongue began requesting entrance into her mouth. After just a bit, Emma's mouth opened, giving him access to what he had dreamt of since he met her. Emma let out a moan as his tongue gently pushed into her mouth, and then retreated, like the tide. It was slow and exploratory allowing them to taste one another.

Emma, lost in the intensity of her feelings began to grab at the fabric of his shirt as she trailed her hands up to drape in his soft short curls at the back of his neck. Her arms seemed to act of their own accord as she pulled them tighter around his neck and pulled him into her…so close even that she could feel his rock hard abdomen against her own. Jake rolled over slightly so that his body was pinning her to the damp grass, his legs and arms tangled in a big mess with hers.

Jake moved his hands slowly up from where they had clasped her waist and lower back and brought them up to rest in her soft blonde curls, his fingers threading her damp hair. He delved his tongue deeper into her mouth, exploring all of her most intimate contours as he did so. Emma hadn't expected to feel such raw desire, feeling it shoot straight through her almost as if a chill on a cool evening…the shiver was working it's way down her spine. Emma was more than successful in igniting his need for her. As their mouths clashed against one another, over and over again, Emma felt a heat begin to build in the pit of her stomach as she moved against him again, hearing him give a needy groan in the depths of his throat. Her tongue continued to duel with his, exploring the textures of his warm, hot mouth.

She felt like she was catching on fire, a heat began to spread from her core to her extremities, warming everything along the way even in the cold rain. The slow crackle of a fire became so much more…now a raging inferno, a burning only barely tolerable to both of them. When Emma moaned again, and began to go for Jake's belt, he realized that he was only a few seconds from losing all control, and he regretfully yanked his lips from hers. He pulled his warm body away from hers and shot up into a sitting position as Emma propped herself up on her elbows. Wiping away at the droplets trailing down her face, Jake watched in absolute amazement as her chest bobbed up and down in a desperate attempt to return the oxygen to her lungs that he had stolen from her.

"Sorry…" Jake breathed in spurts himself, "I got a little carried away…" Emma reached up in a daze to touch her swollen lips. What the hell had just happened?

"Don't be," Emma returned, "Sorry- I mean. It was good - a good kiss."

"Only good?" Jake's eyebrows shot up in a smug look, "Cause I might go for something along the lines of earth shattering, painfully good, or amazing."

"Okay, it was a great kiss," Emma giggled as she began to push her way off of the now damp blanket.

"Oh crap," Jake said as he took notice of the fact she was soaking wet. "You're soaking wet!"

"So are you," Emma pointed out with a laugh, as she helped him up.

"I swear!" he exclaimed, "Where did all of this rain come from? The weather forecast said it was supposed to be sunny!"

"Uh huh," Emma mocked, "Sure it did!"

Emma and Jake feverishly packed up their things, loading them into the picnic basket. They practically ran for the cover of the trees, and walked at a brisk pace, back towards where they left the ATV. By the time they made it back to the car, the sun was setting, and they were both thoroughly soaked. Thankfully, Jake had remembered to put the top back up, and the car was dry.

Jake cranked the heat up as they drove back to Emma's apartment.

When they reached Emma's apartment building, Jake hopped out of the car, and rushed around the front of the car to open the door for Emma. Emma slid out and into the rain; feeling drops of water trickle from her damp hair down her forehead, where it eventually dripped from her eyelashes, and rolled down her cheeks.

"I had a great time," Emma said honestly as Jake paused outside of her building.

"Me too," Jake said with a wide smile. "I'm really sorry about the rain."

"Don't worry about it," Emma said with a smile. "Tonight was perfect," Emma, said adamantly, "I wouldn't change a thing."

"So what do you think?" Jake asked softly, "Do I get a second date?"

"I'd really like that," Emma said enthusiastically. Jake leaned forwards, pressing a lingering, and searing kiss to Emma's lips. Emma felt his hands weave into her tangled strands. Emma moaned softly against his lips, humming in pleasure.

The thought occurred to him that she was currently standing in a downpour, and she didn't seem to mind it at all.

"I'll call you," Jake promised as he pulled away.

"Okay," Emma nodded.

"Make sure to change out of those clothes when you get inside," Jake told her, "I wouldn't want you to catch a cold."

Emma joked, "It's the first date and already you're trying to get me out of my clothes…?"

"Can you blame me?" Jake replied cheekily. "Ouch…" Jake chuckled as he felt Emma's fist collide with the fatty part of his upper arm. "I was only joking!"

"Uh huh, sure," Emma replied with a teasing twinkle of her eyes. "Thanks for tonight. I needed this."

"You're welcome, Emma," Jake spoke, "I'm glad you had a good time." Jake didn't resist as Emma grabbed the lapels of his shirt and pulled him into a final, lingering kiss, that had them both moaning. There was no tongue this time, but it wasn't needed. It was still altogether wet, and messy, given that they were kissing in the rain.

"Goodnight," Jake bid her with a smile as he ran back towards his car. Emma gave him a wave, and pushed her way inside of the building, knowing that her parents were likely waiting for her.

* * *

 _ **A/N: And that's it for now! Please review and let me know your thoughts! Some angst will be coming up in the next chapter, as Regina confronts Emma about her date, and Emma confronts Regina about her relationship with Robin. (And just a warning... It's likely not going to be pretty!)**_

 _ **The song featured in this chapter is absolutely incredible, and I dearly hope that I can persuade some of you to check it out. I promise you that you won't regret it! The song is called "Safe Inside," by James Arthur. He can emote so strongly with his voice that it just tears me up inside.**_


	5. The Mess We Made

Title: Make it Without You  
Category: TV Shows » Once Upon A Time  
Author: Alwaysbringback-up  
Language: English, Rating: Rated: M (for language and sexual themes)  
Genre: Angst/General

 **Chapter 5: The Mess We Made**

 **Pairing: SwanQueen**

 _ **Disclaimer: I don't own any part of the OUAT universe. All characters belong to Adam and Eddie, the show's creators. I promise that my writing is done purely for recreational purposes only. No ill harm is intended.**_

 _ **A/N: Okay, guys, so please don't be mad, but I decided that the major confrontations will come in the chapter after this one. I mainly decided to do this because this chapter would be insanely long otherwise. Instead, this chapter is more of a flashback, with some current events tacked on to the end. It sets the stage for the next chapter pretty well. It's also super hot, so there's that! I hope you guys enjoy it!**_

* * *

 _(Friday, April 17th, 2015)_

 _108 Mifflin Street, Storybrooke, Maine_

 _"What?" Regina snapped impatiently, as she turned around to face a very adorable Emma. The blonde was currently trying to swallow down her laughter, and doing a horrible job of it. She'd been annoyed with the blonde, but the second she turned and saw the way that the blonde's deep green eyes shown in the dim light of her kitchen, all impatience and anger she'd felt had suddenly dissipated. After all, the blonde was impossible to stay mad at. The blonde looked adorable, and breathtaking- God, how could she have ever forgotten just how breathtaking Emma was? "What is it?" the brunette asked again, her expression tinged with her own amusement. Regina arched a brow in curiosity as she asked, "Did I say something funny, Emma?" Emma took a sip from her drink and hiccuped softly before finally managing to stop the laugh reverberating deep in her abdomen. Emma, too, found Regina to be undeniably adorable; especially when she'd been caught at something so childish, as stealing a taste of the batter from the bowl of brownies that they were making. Emma swallowed, and then pulled the glass away from her lips before setting it down on the counter, where it sat forgotten._

 _The very first time_  
 _That I saw your brown eyes_  
 _Your lips said hello_  
 _And I said hi_

 _"Uhm, No," Emma shook her head. She smiled as if she were privy to some private joke, as she sauntered forwards, her hips tantalizingly swinging from side to side as she walked towards Regina. "It's just that you umm-," Emma swallowed over the sudden dryness in her throat as she took in the location of the batter, and had to resist the impulse to just kiss it away from the brunette's lips and chin. Still, she was only human. Emma momentarily imagined what it would feel like to kiss it away- to pull Regina into a kiss so long and so deep that the brunette would lose herself in the feel of it. Emma, realizing that the brunette was still waiting for her to finish her thought,_ _shook herself out of it. "_ _You have some batter on your chin."_

 _Regina felt the heat begin to creep slowly up her neck and shoulders, and into her face, causing her olive-toned skin to appear slightly flushed with red. Emma reckoned that she never looked so beautiful._

 _Regina subconsciously licked her lips, trying to lick away the offending batter from her chin, but it didn't work. "Did I get it?" Regina asked the blonde softly, to which the blonde merely shook her head._

" _Come 'ere" Emma's low voice filled the kitchen as the blonde crossed the rest of the distance between them._

 _Regina felt her heart begin to thud almost recklessly in her chest, as Emma slowly reached up with her thumb and swiped the chocolate in question away with her finger._

 _Emma's light tinted lips parted slightly, as she stuck the finger into her mouth, in order to lick away the chocolate. Regina felt a flush of heat course through her own body, as she saw a glimpse of Emma's tongue, coming out to meet the digit. The brunette would never admit it out loud, but as she watched the silken muscle lithely twisting and contorting to wrap around the digit, Regina felt the distinct burn of arousal deep within her gut._ _Her mind was already dangerously wandering to something that she knew for a fact she should avoid at all cost._ _And as if to make it all worse, the blonde's own enjoyment of the chocolate brownie batter made itself known in a quiet moan of satisfaction. This only stoked Regina's arousal more, turning it into an almost desperate raging heat. Regina suddenly realized that she didn't have a chance in hell of avoiding those thoughts. The sheer slowness and thoroughness of Emma's ministrations was richly erotic. Regina wanted Emma. She wanted the blonde's tongue in her mouth, on her body- everywhere. For a long time, she had shoved those feelings away, had denied wanting the blonde at all. But there was no denying it any more._

 _I knew right then you were the one_  
 _But I was caught up_  
 _In physical attraction_  
 _But to my satisfaction_  
 _Baby you were more than just a phase_

 _Emma seemed to know the exact effect her actions were having on the brunette, but did her best to appear innocent and oblivious._

 _"You okay there?" Emma asked with a teasing smile. "You look a little flushed."_

 _"Y-Yeah," Regina lied, as she let out a shaky breath, "I-It just got really warm in here all of a sudden."_

 _"It did get a little warmer in here, didn't it?" Emma laughed. "Maybe we should turn the heat down," Emma suggested, pseudo-helpfully. "I don't want you to be uncomfortable all evening."_

 _"Are you making fun of me?" Regina's deep brown eyes flashed in warning._

 _"No- Nope," Emma said as she met Regina's heated gaze. She noted how Regina's eyes were darker than they'd been only a minute ago. "I'm just a little drunk. And I'm a bit of flirty drunk, so- it would probably be better if you didn't put any stock in what I'm saying or doing."_

 _"Is that so?" Regina challenged._

 _"Yeah," Emma responded._

 _"Ah..." Regina replied as if a lot of things suddenly made a lot of sense. "So, all of those times you touched me when we were drinking, you were actually coming onto me?"_

 _" - Fuck," Emma swore aloud, earning a deep and throaty chuckle from Regina._ _She liked getting a rise out of Emma. Whether it was through words, or her own hands, Regina loved making Emma lose herself. However, her favorite thing had to be when she made Emma come undone with only her hands and her slender, elegant fingers. It was hot._

 _And if I ever (ever fall) in love again (again)_  
 _I will be sure that the lady is a friend_  
 _And if I ever (ever fall) in love so true (true)_  
 _I will be sure that the lady's just like you_

 _Emma, feeling the intensity and the heat of Regina's stare, turned back around, attempting to guard herself against the woman that she wanted so desperately. She had to keep reminding herself that their plans tonight were completely innocent. Their plans involved some baking, drinking, and perhaps some movie watching, but that was it._

 _The blonde momentarily busied herself with the task of acquiring something else to drink- something other than booze. After all, she needed to pace herself with something other than alcohol if she was going to have a chance of controlling her impulses this evening. Because right now, all she wanted was to wipe that smug look off of Regina's face. And that involved some very rough and passionate love-making._

 _Regina felt her breath start to come hot and fast in her lungs as she watched Emma closely. The blonde didn't even seem to be aware of the consequences that her actions were having, as leant up on her tippy toes in order to retrieve a glass from the cupboard. This effort to reach the glass on the top shelf, caused the blonde's tank to ride up her stomach, and exposed the blonde's toned stomach to Regina's starving gaze._

 _And, she'd be damned, if the thought of feeling Emma's toned abs rippling under her fingertips didn't turn her on even more._

 _"I'm so screwed," Regina breathed aloud, as she forced herself to swallow hard._

 _"Hmm?" Emma asked as she turned to look over her shoulder at Regina._

 _"No-Nothing, dear," Regina sputtered, kicking herself for being caught at it._

 _Regina decided that she needed to focus her attention elsewhere. She had to make it through the evening somehow. But right now, the only way she could see that happening was if she ignored the blonde's presence completely. So Regina attempted to do just that. She settled for resuming the brownie mix, which still needed to be stirred._

 _Music played softly in the background, wafting softly into the kitchen. It was just loud enough to be heard over their breathing. Regina hummed along to the song softly. It was one of her favorites._

 _Once the glass was finally in her grasp, Emma walked over to retrieve ice from the freezer. With a whine, the freezer dispensed the cubes into the glass. Emma hastily filled it with the filtered water from same place. Emma took a sip of the ice cold water and sighed. It tasted heavenly._

 _Emma could only stare at Regina's back for a long moment, wanting more than anything to reach out and touch the older woman, who so perfectly stood before her._

 _Once upon a time they would have been able to stand in close proximity, perhaps even touch, without noticing any discomfort or tension between them whatsoever. But those days were long gone. Now, Emma could scarcely breathe when Regina was in the same room with her. And whenever Regina brushed her arm, or stood too close to her, Emma's entire body began to thrum and tingle in eager anticipation. She would close her eyes and savor the proximity of the woman when they stood near one another._

 _It was hard to fathom. Emma felt as if she couldn't possibly have wanted Regina any more. And yet somehow, the word didn't even begin to convey the depth of feelings that Emma felt for the brunette._

 _Emma took a deep breath and slowly pushed herself up onto the counter next to Regina, much like she did when she sat on Regina's desk in the Mayor's office. Emma perched herself next to the bowl and looked down. She tried to keep her heart from thundering wildly as she realized for the first time she had an advantage. She could see the older woman's cleavage peaking out from beneath the tight fabric of Regina's dress._

 _Emma gulped, fighting the flush overtaking her cheeks. In an effort to distract herself, Emma dipped a finger into the bowl without the least bit of hesitation, and pulled it out with a healthy helping of the same batter she had taken a taste of earlier. Emma was lifting it to her mouth, when a hand lashed out and wrapped around her wrist. Fingers slid over the skin of Emma's wrist, and the blonde couldn't stop the sharp intake of breath that Regina's touch caused. Emma could feel the skin ignite, under where Regina's strong but elegant fingers slid over her skin._

" _What did I say about eating the batter, Emma?" Regina said, her voice low and dangerous._

" _Says the woman who I caught stealing a taste a mere two minutes ago," Emma said with a mirth dancing behind her eyes._

" _I told you!_ _I don't know how that batter got there!" Regina denied, even though she knew her argument was thin. "It must have splattered on me when I was stirring the batter earlier."_

" _Uh huh," Emma chuckled. "Sure," Emma said with an arch of her brow._

" _Close your eyes," Regina ordered softly._

" _Regina," Emma whined._

" _Close your eyes, Emma," Regina said softly, her voice low and raspy._

 _Emma let out a quavering breath and did as she was told. Emma's heart picked up a staccato rhythm in her chest as she felt Regina's fingers exert a pressure on her hand, lifting it. Emma tried to keep her breathing even, but quickly realized that she had no chance in hell of doing so when Regina's tongue darted out, to wrap around her forefinger. Emma gasped loudly, as Regina sucked the entire digit into her own mouth, lavishing it with attention._

 _Regina's eyes fluttered closed as the taste of the batter exploded on her tongue. She kept her eyes closed and savored the taste, slowly massaging Emma's forefinger with her tongue. She traced every line, and cleaned off every morsel, moaning softly in ecstasy as she committed the taste of Emma's skin to memory. Slowly, she withdrew Emma's finger from her mouth. And when her eyes opened, she found herself the object of Emma's undivided attention. There was only one thing she could imagine tasted better. To accentuate this further she said aloud._

 _"My god. That was orgasmic," Regina, moaned, "I haven't had anything that good in a long time." Regina watched the blonde closely, her eyebrows hiking up her forehead. "Wouldn't you say so, Em-ma?"_

 _"That good, huh?" Emma teased as she dropped down from the counter, "Or has it just been a while since you've had-" Regina took a deep gulp of air, as her palms began to sweat and her heart beat erratically. "Chocolate brownies." Emma took pleasure in watching how Regina's eyes instantly darkened. The brunette was clearly showing signs of arousal. She knew that they were playing a dangerous game tonight, but they couldn't seem to help themselves._

 _"Wouldn't you like to know?" Regina husked, as her body leant over, brushing ever so slightly against Emma's as she did so. Regina got as close as she possibly could, as she spoke into Emma's ear. For a moment, Emma wondered how she was going to resist shoving Regina against the counter and taking her right there in the middle of her kitchen. But luckily, Emma was good at repressing such impulses. She had had a lot of practice with restraint over the course of the last few years._

 _"Actually, I would," Emma replied tensely, "But that's none of my business."_

" _Well," Regina spoke, her voice quavering, "As I recall, you were the only one that got off that night. But it was oh so good, wasn't it? That is- if the noises you were making was anything to go by."_

" _You sound just a little bitter," Emma said softly, placing her hand on Regina's shoulder. The older woman was easily manipulated as the blonde spun her around. "You're right, though. You were neglected through it all, and I feel somewhat terrible about that. You see? I'm usually all about putting my lover's needs first. How about you let me rectify that? Come on, what do you say?" Emma's eyes twinkled, as her words had the desired effect on Regina. Emma, with some sense of pride realized that she held some sort of power over the gorgeous brunette. What she wasn't prepared for, however, was for Regina to bite back._

 _"I don't know," Regina replied with a shrug, "I'm honestly not sure that you would even be any good at it." Emma tried to ignore the smug grin that spread over Regina's face as she took a defiant step towards the blonde. Regina's eyes darkened as she stared into Emma's twinkling green eyes, "But what do you say? Do you think you could prove me wrong, Emma?" Emma's breath hitched in her throat, and she stuffed her hands into the front pockets of her jeans, while she struggled to come up with some sort of a reply that wasn't simply to start proving just how good she was. On second thought, that seemed to be exactly what Regina wanted the blonde to do. Emma shook her head slightly, in a vain attempt to clear it of all of the rather sensual and passionate thoughts she was having about the woman only a couple of feet from her._

 _Regina felt the lust coming off of the blonde's body as Emma's eyes flickered to parts of Regina's own body that were suddenly begging to be touched._

" _Oh my god," Emma groaned as she lifted her hands up to her face, which was now heavily flushed with pink and red. "Are you trying to kill me?" Slowly Emma's hands fell away from her face. "I thought you said that tonight would be purely innocent." Emma lifted up her hands, gesturing in order to put air quotes around the word innocent._

" _It's your fault, you know!" Regina exclaimed, clearly flustered, "You're the one that had to go and…make those moaning sounds."_

" _Well, I can't help it, if your mind is in the gutter," Emma said through fluttering eyelashes. "Maybe it's **you** that has the problem."_

" _That's a load of bullshit, Emma," Regina laughed suddenly, "And you know it!"_

 _Emma's eyes glinted mischievously, "You know, you're not without fault either. Gluttony is a pretty serious crime. If I had my way, you'd be looking at some serious punishment."_

" _Oh yeah?" Regina challenged, "And what's that?"_

"Well, y _ou'd have to be on probation which requires a certain amount of supervision. And then, you know, there's the civil service requirement."_

" _Just how much supervision are we talking about here?" Regina asked as her tongue darted out to moisten her lips. "Because, I have to say that I like certain parts of my life- to remain private. But you should know, I'm **all** for civil service." Emma opened her mouth to speak, but found herself speechless as she realized the implications of that reply. Emma swore audibly as she struggled to grapple with the extent of the emotions she found herself buried under._

 _Regina took a deep breath, before she brushed slowly past the tall, blonde, beautiful woman, and closed her eyes as their hands brushed._

 _"Also, do tell me, Em-ma, is gluttony anything like lust?" Regina whispered quietly, "Because if I'm correct in my assumption, you've been lusting **after** **me** all night long." It took all of Regina's own willpower to keep walking the small distance to the cupboard, in order to grab a pan. What Regina didn't anticipate, however, was Emma's reaction to the contact._

 _Emma felt the jolt of electricity travel up her arm as Regina's soft fingers brushed hers. It was over in a second, but the sensation of their touch lingered much longer. Emma was finally able to regain coherent thought. She slowly walked up behind Regina, who was bent over, looking amongst the assortment of old cookware she had in the kitchen. When Regina finally found was she was looking for, she straightened up, only for the pan to fall from her fingers to the floor with a loud clatter, as she felt Emma's proximity. Emma's fingertips brushed against the newly freed hand, her fingers twining with Regina's as she gently pulled._

 _Regina turned around slowly, Emma stepped closer whispering in Regina's ear, "Dance with me." Regina's heart began to pound, as Emma's breath traveled down the column of her neck. She closed her eyes and relished the close proximity of their bodies. This is what she had been craving ever since they parted ways that night in her office._

 _I know you've got something burning up inside,  
It's so unhealthy but so good for me.  
If I said I didn't know, and if I didn't know,_

 _Well if I didn't know that you loved me would you tell me?  
Well God only knows our contradictions to quitting,  
is a hate to love relationship thing._

 _"Am I sensing an underlying theme to this song?" Emma asked softly a minute later when the chorus came on. Regina's breaths quickened as the words played, knowing that something so blatantly forward could not be withdrawn even if the song had come on only by chance. It was killing her though, not knowing if she had completely fabricated the whole thing. Did Emma feel anything for her at all?_

 _With a sigh, Regina closed her eyes and began singing softly. She needed a way to cope with the nervousness that arose due to the extent of her feelings for the blonde. She knew this song well. To Emma, Regina's singing was a turn on._

 _By this point, they had had a healthy amount of scotch before they had commenced with the brownie making, and so both had a pretty good buzz going at this point. However, Emma knew that what she was feeling for Regina had absolutely nothing to do with any of the alcohol in her system._

 _Regina's deep sultry voice sang the words perfectly, making Emma feel as if Regina was speaking to her personally. Some romantics put a lot of stock into singing, claiming that it's the perfect way to show affection. Emma was surprised to find that she felt no differently. Her urge to kiss Regina was only getting stronger and stronger by the second. She felt like she might die if she didn't act on it soon._

 _Ugggh you, you're so bold,  
My wanting to kiss you still is not enough.  
I'm getting over, all the comments._

 _I'm feeling statements made by people are nonsense.  
I'm getting stronger, by the minute.  
And once I slip into position I'll swing you and turn you all around._

 _Emma listened carefully to the words, analyzing each one as it passed through Regina's barely parted lips in a whisper. The words themselves seemed to speak for themselves. And the sentiment, seemed to earn the song a special place Emma's heart. It was quickly becoming one of her new favorites. It didn't hurt that the blonde would always remember this moment- and these feelings- when she heard the song in the future._

 _The lyrics were that of a suggestive love song. And Emma desperately wanted them to be true._

 _You are the sweetest thing I've found since whenever,  
You're the only way my time is measured.  
You might be the silent type,  
But you're advertising louder now.  
It's crazy how you're killing me._

" _You're killing me," Emma whispered, as her hands migrated slowly up Regina's back. Regina shivered, as Emma's nails raked over otherwise flawless skin, applying pressure to the area of skin directly between her bare shoulder blades. Regina moaned, loudly and without restraint, her body lost in the moment._

" _Emma," Regina sighed, her whole body crying out for more. "Darling, please."_

 _With a gasp, Emma felt sure hands wrap around her hips tightly, possessively, pulling her closer. She found it hard to breathe when she felt her hips collide with Regina's. And just like that, no space was left between them._

 _Without warning, Regina opened her eyes. The breath left her lungs as her eyes confirmed what her body had already discerned. Emma was inches from her now._

 _"We're never going to be able to fight this, are we?" Emma asked huskily, her right hand slipping behind Regina's neck, pulling Regina even closer to her, as if that were even possible. Regina's body responded to the contact as Emma's thigh slipped between hers to press against her. Regina couldn't help but let out a long deep moan, as she slowly ground down onto Emma's thigh, her hips moving in slow, soft circles. The pressure was so delicious against her center it was driving her mad._

" _Oh god, Emma," Regina breathed into Emma's ear, her moans growing louder as Emma's lips pressed to the hollow beneath her ear, and trailed wet kisses down her neck. Regina instantly reached up to thread fingers through Emma's soft curls, tugging relentlessly as she tried to get the blonde's mouth where she really wanted it. She wanted to kiss the blonde, now more than ever._

 _Initially, Emma's lips brushed against Regina's lightly as if it were a breath of air, but then the kiss turned hungry and desperate. Regina let out another long moan, the music and their surroundings lost on them now._

 _"Emma," Regina whispered as Emma backed them up against the fridge. "Fuck. Oh, fuck..." Regina moaned as_ _Emma kissed her harder, and more urgently. She was desperate to touch and be touched. Regina slid her hands down and grabbed Emma's hips, manipulating the blonde so that Emma's thigh, which was still between Regina's thighs pressed harder into her center. Emma gasped as Regina's roaming hands slipped under the hem of her shirt, to burn patterns into the soft skin of her stomach. Regina could feel the muscles ripple under her touch as Emma's body responded to the sensation of Regina's warm hands._

 _"Is that a request, or a demand?" Emma teased._

 _"Please, Em-ma, just- touch me,"_ _Regina let out another moan, as Emma relocated her attention to the crook of Regina's neck, biting and sucking at the muscular column. "Emma," Regina breathed, her voice pleading, "Emma? Oh god." Emma let out a noise, a growl that made her intentions clear. She didn't plan on stopping anytime soon. Regina's body was using Emma's in every way it could to reach gratification. It had been so long for Regina. She hadn't realized until Emma really touched her just how much she needed to be completely and thoroughly fucked._

 _"This is wrong on so many levels," Emma breathed aloud, as the humor of this all dawned on her. Fucking Regina in her kitchen seemed like less than the brunette really deserved._

 _She wasn't sure how, but Regina tried to push the sensations away one by one until they merely droned in the background. Slowly, she became capable of coherent thought._

 _Suddenly, everything changed._

 _"Emma, wait! S-Stop! We- we can't," Regina repeated, sliding her hands up Emma's chest, and pushing ever so gently in order to put space between them. Emma reluctantly allowed the space. It seemed like ages before Regina was able to hold Emma's steely green gaze. Regina's chest heaved up and down, not sure what to say or do. One moment she'd been begging to be taken, and the next she'd been pushing away the blonde. One time was bad enough, but doing it again? The boundaries they had put up for the evening had definitely been crossed. And she wasn't sure how damaging it would be._

" _Sorry," Emma's voice sounded sad, as she peered into the depths of Regina's eyes, wondering if she'd made an awful mistake. "That was wrong. I- was wrong. I'm so sorry, Regina."_

 _Regina watched as a look of panic flashed across Emma's perfect features. Then, the blonde's jaw was clenching. She could see the blonde quickly erecting walls around herself, and Regina hated feeling like she was the reason for those walls, when in reality, she knew that the blonde was just doing what she had to do in order to keep from getting hurt. Regina watched as the blonde practically whirled on her feet and walked back over to the bowl, trying to busy herself and pretend that nothing out of the ordinary had just happened. "I think that the batter should be good to go," Emma commented lamely, "We just need to get this stuff into the pan, and then slip it into the oven. The oven is already preheated so it shouldn't take long."_

 _"Emma," Regina walked over brusquely and grabbed Emma's wrist tightly to make sure the blonde made no attempts at escape. She tugged, turning the blonde back around in order to face her. "Wait- Just a minute. Is this really how you want to handle this situation? By pretending as if it didn't happen?"_

 _"I don't know, Regina," Emma sighed, as she reached up with her free hand to paw at the back of her neck. She reminded Regina so much of Charming in that moment. "How do **you** think that we should handle what happened?" Emma asked, her tone sounding suddenly bitter and cold. "Because I honestly have no fucking clue what to do anymore. I mean- this is crazy! I- I've hardly seen you since that night in your office. Hell, this is the first time we've done anything together in the last month. I- The last time we were together made me hope, only to have that hope come crashing down when you went back to ignoring my calls and pretending that I didn't exist again." Regina let out a deep breath, letting her hand fall away from Emma's wrist. She felt guilty for hurting Emma, or for making the blonde feel even the slightest hint of rejection. But Regina could see the hurt in Emma's eyes. And the rejection. "And of course, now I've gone and made a fool of myself."_

" _No," Regina shook her head. "No- I was the one who came on to you, remember?"_

 _"This- this is such a mess," Emma laughed, "Look, why don't we just forget it happened, okay?" Emma swallowed, "We'll just call it a moment of weakness, or whatever. But we should just move on."_

 _"Emma," Regina breathed heavily, her voice broken, "Are you- honestly okay with that?"_

 _"Does it really matter? I mean- It's not like I have a choice here, do I?" Emma replied cynically. "You're the one who is involved with someone else. Not me."_

 _Regina opened her mouth to speak, but found that she didn't have the words._

" _I should go," Emma said, as she started moving for the door._ _Had she been prepared, Regina would have tried to stop the blonde sooner, but her feet were seemingly glued to the floor. She came to herself, as she heard the locks on the front door disengage. Emma was leaving. And she had a feeling that if she let the blonde leave, she wouldn't be seeing Emma for a really really long time._

 _Regina started running, panic overwhelming her._

 _Emma flung the door open, clumsily pulling on her jacket as she rushed out. She was halfway down the walk, when Regina caught up to her._

 _"Wait! Please! Emma, wait!" Regina's tone was somewhat hysterical, her fear of losing the blonde was real. Regina felt herself pulled forwards as her hand closed around Emma's upper arm. The blonde was still so determined to get away from her that she didn't even seem to notice that she was dragging a dead weight after her. "Emma, please. Don't leave like this." Emma whirled around to face her, her eyes full of determination._

" _Listen, Regina, I had a great time tonight. I really did," Emma said as she met Regina's eyes, "But I- I don't think you and I can do this anymore. Because the fact of the matter is, that you're with someone else. And this? This was a mistake." Emma let out a ragged breath, her hands clenching into fists as she tried to keep her emotions under control. She was angry with herself for putting herself in this situation. "I-I thought that I could pretend- that maybe I could go back to the time we were just friends, and be fine with that. But I can't. I can't do this, Regina."_

 _"Wait," Regina's voice was pleading. "Please."_

 _"Regina, I know that you don't really want me to stay," Emma said emphatically. "So…just let me go. It's okay. You don't have to feel guilty about it."_

 _"No. Not- Not yet," Regina said softly, "Please. Why do you think this was a mistake?" Regina brushed Emma's cheek softly with her hand. "Don't you feel something for me, Emma?" Emma grabbed her hand softly lowered it back to Regina's side before letting go._

" _Do you?" Emma questioned._

" _Yes," Regina answered honestly. "Of course I do. But I'm afraid that I can't really give you what you deserve."_

" _Because you're with Robin," Emma exhaled, her eyes shimmering with tears._

" _Yes," Regina nodded in confirmation._

" _And he makes you happy," Emma continued, silently begging the brunette to discount her feelings for Robin._

" _S-Sometimes," Regina hesitated. "Look, It's- It's complicated. Okay?"_

" _You do realize that you're going to have to sound a little more enthusiastic, if you want me to actually believe you," Emma said finally. Regina watched as Emma swallowed, seemingly choosing her words carefully. "God- Don't you want to be with someone who makes you happy? Even if it drives you mad?…even if it hurts?"_

" _Emma," Regina's voice is thick with emotion. "I don't want us to ruin each other."_

" _And you think that's what will happen?"_

" _Honestly?" Regina asked. "Yes. Yes I do. I meant what I said, Emma. I care about you. I-I don't want to hurt you."_

 _"O-Okay, then... I guess that settles it," Emma breathed sadly. "I'll uh- I'll see you around, Regina." Regina watched in anguish as Emma turned and started walking down the remainder of the walk towards her car. Regina couldn't help but think she was letting the best thing in her life walk away from her._

 _Her body acted before her mind did._

" _Wait!" Regina shouted as she chased after Emma and spun her around. Emma opened her mouth to protest, but never got the chance to give any voice to them as Regina's mouth swallowed them. One moment they were standing on the curb, and the next, they were in Regina's bedroom._

 _Emma moaned softly into Regina's mouth, as the brunette's hands started kneading at Emma's shoulders. Carefully, almost reverently, Regina started pushing Emma's red leather jacket off of her shoulders. The deep red leather garment, dropped to the floor, lying forgotten, as Regina's insistent mouth took possession of Emma's. Regina's tongue slid across Emma's bottom lip, begging entrance, and Emma's lips parted. The kiss grew in passion as Regina's tongue pressed forwards, then receded, applied pressure, then receded. It was like a little dance. Each moan from the depths of Emma's throat added fuel to the fire._

 _Emma felt herself pushed backwards towards the bed, as Regina's lips gravitated, ghosting over heated flesh as she kissed a line from Emma's jaw to her collarbone._

" _Regina, wait! What are you doing? I thought you said-" Emma moaned as the back of her legs met the edge of the mattress._

 _"I know what I said" Regina told her softly, her breath eliciting a shiver from Emma's body. "Look, I- I'm not ready to leave Robin yet, but maybe soon I will be."_

 _"Regina," Emma sighed._

 _"What if we made rules," Regina offered the blonde. She knew that it wasn't much, but at the very least it was something._

" _Like what?" Emma asked out of curiosity."Regina, what are you saying?"_

" _I don't know," Regina tried to think. "I guess I'm asking for a little time. For now, why don't we just see how the physical aspects of our relationship go?"_

" _You mean- you want it to be strictly sex," Emma echoed. "I assume that means no sleepovers."_

" _Yes," Regina confirmed. "And obviously our dalliances have to remain a secret."_

" _Dalliances?" Emma snorted. "Are you being serious right now?"_

" _Damn it, Emma," Regina growled, "This is important."_

" _Okay," Emma groaned, "Okay. Look, can we deal with making the rest of the rules later? Because right now, I kind of just want to make you scream my name."_

" _Fine," Regina said with a dangerous smile, "If you insist."_

* * *

 _(Sunday, September 27th, 2015; 5:22p.m.)_

 _108 Mifflin Street, Storybrooke, Maine_

Regina jumped as the pan she'd been clutching dropped to the floor with a loud clatter. Regina let out a hoarse scream, as the nerve endings in her body caught up to her brain, overwhelming it with pain. Instantly, a sharp breath slipped from her lungs, as she felt the sting of the burn on her hand.

What the hell had she been thinking, picking up the pan without an oven mitten? It was stupid, careless, and altogether not like her. And it was all Emma's fault! She'd let herself get lost in the memory, and now, of course, her dinner was likely ruined because of it. There were homemade potato wedges littered all over the kitchen floor.

"Regina!" Robin's concerned, loud masculine voice met her ears, as she rushed over to the sink to run her hand under some cold water. She flicked on the tap, turning it as cold as it would go, and thrust her hand under the flow of water. A moment later, Robin came rushing into the kitchen, looking frazzled. "Is everything okay? I heard a loud crash from the other room." He seemed to answer his own question as his eyes met the sight of the kitchen.

"Oh, no! What happened?" he asked worriedly.

"It's nothing," Regina told him calmly, reaching up to rub at her forehead with her good hand. She felt a headache coming on. "I simply grabbed the pan while it was still hot, and wound up burning my hand in the process."

"I'll get it," Robin offered as he grabbed the oven mitten from beside the stove and gingerly picked up the pan. He set it on the top of the oven, and then bent back down to pick up the loose food from the tiled flooring.

"Oh," Regina seemed to come to her senses, because she waved a hand, and the potato wedges vanished, reappearing an instant later in the trash bin. "Thank you, dear." Robin still wasn't done fussing, however, because he walked over to Regina, and carefully turned her hand so he could examine it.

"Does it hurt?" he asked with a furrowed brow. As he gently prodded around her palm with his fingers.

"It stings," Regina told him honestly. "But it'll be fine. I can heal it easily just as soon as the skin cools down a little bit."

"Can I do anything else to help?" Robin offered.

"Maybe you could set the table?" Regina said hopefully, in a small sigh.

"How many places should I set?" Robin asked as he opened the silverware drawer.

"Umm…seven, I think?" Regina said quietly, "One for Henry, Roland, the Charmings, Emma, as well as one for you and I."

It was at that moment that the doorbell chimed. Regina pulled her hand from under the flow of water, and turned off the sink. She grabbed a towel, and wrapped her hand in it as she walked briskly towards the front door. She swung it open, expecting to see the whole Charming clan, but instead, found herself face to face with Snow, Charming, and Henry. Emma, as it happened, was nowhere to be found.

"Hi, Regina," Snow offered a warm smile, and pulled Regina into an unexpected hug. "It's good to see you." Regina pulled away as fast as was humanly possible, but then immediately found herself in another embrace. This time it was Charming. Regina silently wondered when the hugging had began, but reckoned it had started after Emma had started embracing her at these sorts of functions, months ago.

Soon enough, it was Henry's turn, and Regina had to admit that his was a hug that would never be unwanted. Regina closed her eyes and leant into the embrace, giving Henry a slight squeeze, before letting him go.

"Please, come in," Regina bid them, quickly looking around for any sign of Emma's bug. However, she found none. Emma's bright yellow "deathtrap" as Regina liked to call it, was nowhere in sight. "So where is Emma? Is she coming tonight?"

"Oh!" Snow suddenly looked guilty. "She wanted me to apologize on her behalf, but she can't make it tonight." Regina did her best to keep her expression stoic, although inside she felt her stomach drop. Regina reluctantly tore her eyes away from the road, and stepped back inside, shutting the front door with a resounding thud.

"Oh, I see," Regina spoke softly, "Is… Is she working tonight?"

"Uh, no actually," Charming piped up, "She..uh... had other plans." Charming was as eloquent as always, Regina thought.

"Other plans?" Regina pressed, confusion still marring her features. She knew that it was dangerous expressing her interest in the blonde's whereabouts, but she couldn't keep herself from asking. She missed the blonde and had really been looking forward to seeing her. If only for the chance to steal some glances from the blonde.

"I think what Gram and Gramps are trying not to say," Henry interjected from the entryway, "Is that Emma had another date with Jake tonight."

Regina tried to ignore the sudden caustic heartache in her chest.

"Can I take your coats?" Regina offered as she held out her hands.

"Oh!" Snow burst out, "Of course! Th-Thank you."

With trembling hands, Regina took their coats. Wordlessly, she turned away from them and walked towards the coat closet. Regina used this as a chance to calm herself, as she hung up the garments in the coat closet. On the outside, she looked calm and composed. However, on the inside she was falling apart. Regina shut the closet door with a click, and leaned back against it, taking several deep breaths. She felt tears burn hotly in her eyes. What if she was too late, and she lost the blonde?

"You shouldn't be jealous," Regina whispered over and over again, as she reached up and pinched the bridge of her nose between her thumb and forefinger. "Emma can see whoever she wants to see. It's why we made rules."

"Mom?!" Henry's voice had Regina jumping. Regina's heart was suddenly in her throat as she opened her eyes to find Henry staring at her. "Mom, are you okay?"

"I...Of course," Regina replied, her voice cracking traitorously under her words. "I'm fine, Henry."

"Are you sure?" Henry's brow furrowed as he scrutinized her.

"Positive," Regina asserted. "Look, why don't you go get washed up? Dinner should be ready momentarily."

When Henry nodded, and departed, Regina took one final steadying breath and departed for the kitchen. She had to find a way to make it through dinner. Then, she decided, she could confront Emma about her latest conquest.

And you had better believe that she was going to do her research on this Jake fellow.

* * *

 _ **A/N: Reviews are never unwanted! You guys know what to do!**_


	6. Please have mercy on me

Title: Make it Without You  
Category: TV Shows » Once Upon A Time  
Author: Alwaysbringback-up  
Language: English, Rating: Rated: M (for language and sexual themes)  
Genre: Angst/General

 **Chapter 6: Please have mercy on me**

 **Pairing: SwanQueen**

 _ **Disclaimer: I don't own any part of the OUAT universe. All characters belong to Adam and Eddie, the show's creators. I promise that my writing is done purely for recreational purposes only. No ill harm is intended.**_

 _ **A/N: Hey, guys! So I'm sorry this update was a little while in coming, but this chapter was very very difficult to write. In fact, this chapter was easily the most gut wrenching thing I've written in a long time, and that's saying something.**_

 _ **Please keep in mind as you read this that their love for each other is genuine. They're just not great at showing it.**_

 _ **Without further ado, I'll let you get to it!**_

* * *

 _(Wednesday, September 30th, 2015; 1:30p.m.)_

 _Sheriff's Station,_ _Storybrooke Maine_

Emma let out a sigh as she read over the file in front of her for the fourth time, wanting to make sure that she hadn't missed anything. She'd already been at the precinct for nearly three hours, and so far, things had been pretty uneventful. She'd had to let Grumpy out of the drunk tank this morning, but that was an almost daily occurrence. No cases had broken over the course of the morning, and so she and David decided to catch up on paperwork. Emma jotted down a couple of notes in the file. She wanted to make sure that her notes were specific enough for Regina's nearly impossible standards.

If at all possible, Emma would rather avoid calls from the annoyed mayor, in which the brunette made suggestions and pointed out discrepancies. Often times, Regina had special ways of suggesting Emma should get it right the first time. In fact, Regina frequently made Emma feel inadequate at her job. In order to keep that from happening, Emma had to make sure that there weren't any inconsistencies. Finally, after finding that she had included everything that was needed, she closed the file and set it on the pile of finished reports neatly stacked on the edge of her desk. She stretched trying to alleviate some of the aches and pains in her back and shoulders. Her eyes met David's inquisitive ones from across her desk.

"What?" Emma asked defensively.

"Nothing," David cleared his throat, shifting his attention back to what he was working on.

"Uh huh," Emma said, rolling her eyes. "Sure." Emma sighed, raking a hand over her exhausted features, "Why don't you just say what you're really thinking, and spare me any future scrutinizing looks."

"Fine," David said, as he set the file down on the desk in front of him and leant forwards. He folded his arms on the desk, as he captured her gaze. Emma sighed. She'd really hoped that he would back down. But clearly, he was more than willing to answer the challenge. He also wasn't above admitting he was concerned. "I'm just worried about you, especially after what happened the other day. Look, I just want to make sure you are doing okay." Emma groaned, dropping her head into her hands.

"Dad," Emma sighed. "I'm fine. I told you. I…I just wasn't feeling well."

"You collapsed," David said, stubbornly, his cerulean gaze flashing. "You full on collapsed, and instead of getting checked out at the hospital like you should have, you covered it up. Hell, if I would let you get away with it, you wouldn't acknowledge that it even happened at all!"

"Look, Dad. I'm not a freaking invalid," Emma argued, "I don't need you looking at me like I'm going to collapse at any moment."

"Don't get defensive," her father replied, "You asked me, and I told you the truth. The fact is, I worry because I care. When this all started I pretended that it wasn't happening. But I…I just can't ignore it any more."

"Would you stop?" Emma's eyes flashed. "It was one time! I skipped lunch, and felt a little faint, okay? I promise I that I won't make a habit of it."

"No," David shook his head. "Something is wrong, Emma. You're just not telling me what it is. You hardly ever eat. You don't sleep." Emma sighed. "If you aren't fit for duty, I'm going to have to bring my concerns to Regina."

"Look," Emma said, "I…I can't… I can't talk about it, okay? And please, please don't go to Regina. That would only make things about a thousand times worse. She's…She's part of the problem."

"What does that mean?" David asked. "Emma, did something happen between you two that I don't know about? Did you have some sort of a fight?" Emma closed her eyes as she suddenly found herself struggling to breathe. Emma slowly reached up, rubbing at her forehead with her fingers. She had said too much.

"I wouldn't exactly call it a fight," Emma groaned, as she tried to de-escalate the stress quickly building up in her body. She could feel the migraine quickly building. Her hands trembled a bit, and Emma willed the shaking to stop. It failed. Emma pulled her fingers away from her temples, and let them drop. "Things have been…tenuous…between us," Emma admitted as she opened her eyes. "The truth is, I don't even know how to be around her anymore." Emma's right hand latched tightly onto her left as a fresh series of tremors took hold of the limb. She desperately tried to stop the shaking.

"Speaking of which," David said, looking pointedly at the clock. "You have a meeting scheduled with her in fifteen."

"What?!" Emma asked in alarm as her eyes darted to the clock. Fuck. Her father was right. Her meeting with Regina was about to start, and the blonde couldn't face her.

"Normally I would never ask this of you, but… could you go for me?" Emma asked timidly.

"Emma, you can't avoid her forever," David pointed out, "You have responsibilities as Sheriff. These weekly meetings are a part of that."

"I know," Emma resigned with a sigh, "I know that, but i'm not exactly in the best mindset to deal with her right now."

"Please," Emma wasn't above begging, "Just this once." Emma let out a shuddering breath. "I forgot that I have an appointment with the Doctor in a half of an hour, and I really don't want to have to reschedule."

"You do?" David looked genuinely surprised.

"Yeah," Emma nodded, "I…I wasn't going to tell you until I knew anything, but I figured…it's time to see the Doc again."

"Then go to the appointment," David said with a gentle smile, "I'll take care of Regina."

"Th-Thank you," Emma sighed, pushing back her chair. "I owe you one, Dad. I really and truly do."

"Don't worry about it," he told her.

 _Come on skinny love just last the year_  
 _Pour a little salt we were never here_  
 _My, my, my, my, my, my, my, my_  
 _Staring at the sink of blood and crushed veneer_

* * *

~SQ~

 _(Wednesday, September 30th, 2015; 1:55p.m.)_

Storybrooke General Hospital

 _Storybrooke Maine_

Rain pelted down in sheets on the windshield as Emma drove slowly and cautiously to the hospital. Every once and a while a flash of lightning and a loud crack of thunder would adorn the city sky. A big storm had rolled in over the course of the morning. There was something right about the fact that it was raining; it seemed to fit their mood quite exceptionally. She paused for a minute outside, feeling the rain pour down on her, cleansing her. As she entered, Emma allowed her senses to reunite with the familiar scent of disinfectant and the usual surroundings as she made her way to the elevator. Emma entered the elevator and pressed the button to the designated floor of her consult and rode it up with a small sigh. Emma pulled the hood of her sweatshirt over her head, as if that would help her hide from the world.

Without breathing, Emma wandered up to the outpatient registration desk. A nice receptionist looked up from her paperwork.

"Good Afternoon," she smiled. "How can I help you?"

"Hi," Emma smiled back, "I'm here for an appointment with Dr. Hubbard. My name is Emma Swan."

"Ah yes," she smiled. Emma answered all of the necessary questions regarding insurance and such. A few minutes went by. Emma held out her wrist as the woman slipped a bracelet around Emma's wrist. "A nurse will be out in a couple of minutes to take you to your room. Feel free to have a seat in the waiting room across the hall."

Emma did so. She headed over to the waiting room and took a seat. With a sigh, Emma let her head drop back against the wall behind her, and closed her eyes.

"Emma?" a woman's voice whispered softly, "We're ready for you." Emma opened her eyes, groggily waiting for everything to return to her. She was surprised when the nurse gently helped her stand up. Together they walked for the door.

"Okay," the nurse nodded, "If you would please follow me this way…" Emma followed her through the winding halls of the hospital. The bright white floors and yellow walls hurt Emma's eyes. Finally, they reached a small exam room. The nurse led her inside.

"The gown is on the bed there," she indicated the hospital garb. "If you could just change out of your clothes and into the gown, then the doctor should be in only a couple of minutes." Emma nodded.

"Thanks," Emma said as she gave them a nod. The nurse quickly departed and shut the door softly behind them with a click. Emma took a look around the small exam room and let out a deep breath in a rush of air. Once again, she was back in the last place she wanted to be. She was used to helping people herself, and not used to needing help. Months had gone by, and still, she had yet to get used to this feeling.

Emma slipped off her top gently, and let out a violent shiver as the cool air of the hospital met her bare torso. She then immediately proceeded to kick off her shoes underneath the chair where she had set her coat and pulled off her loose jeans that once hugged her pretty tightly, picking up the gown as she put the jeans in its place and slipped it on. With only a little bit of trouble, Emma wrestled with the back of the gown and tied the small strings that would hold it in place. It was then that a light rap on the door startled her.

"May I come in?" Dr. Hubbard requested calmly from the other side of the door.

"Yeah," Emma replied in a rather breathy tone that sounded much unlike her own as she picked up the jeans and other clothes and tossed them into a small bag that had been left for her. "Come in," she commanded.

Emma sat down on the edge of the exam table as the door was pushed open, and an older woman entered. Her hair was graying in some places, and was wrapped in a neat bun.

"Emma," she smiled gently. "It's good to see you. Although I wish I could say it was under better circumstances."

"Me too," Emma said weakly.

"Can you do me a favor and hop onto the scale for me?" Emma nodded and slid off the edge of the table, dropping onto her feet. She walked slowly over to the scale in the corner of the room, and stepped up onto it. The scale portion of the contraption instantly tipped to one side. The doctor slid the number from 150 to 100, which still wasn't enough to balance the scale. Then, with a cluck of her tongue, the doctor slid the square over to the fifty, and moved the smaller readout up top over towards the right. Emma watched as the woman stopped the readout at 98. The scale finally balanced. Emma exhaled shakily. 98 lbs. God, if this wasn't a huge red flag, Emma didn't know what was.

"You haven't been eating," Dr. Hubbard murmured; Emma was all too aware it was a statement, and not a question.

"I…I haven't had much of an appetite," Emma replied softly as she stepped off of the scale, and moved back towards the exam table.

"Emma, you're too thin," Dr. Hubbard told her. "We're into dangerous territory here. You're almost 5'6". You should weigh way more than ninety-eight pounds."

"I…I know," Emma spoke in agreement.

"Have you… Has your mood been any different lately? Have you been sleeping?" Lyla asked, poised as if to make notes in Emma's chart.

"No," Emma said shakily, "I…I haven't been able to sleep. It's…It's been bad." Emma reached up to scrub at her face with her hand. "I…I did things," Emma spoke aloud, tears brimming in her eyes. "When I was the Dark One I…I did some things. I see them in my nightmares, and I just… sometimes it is just easier not to sleep."

"Your body needs sleep to function properly, Emma," Lyla told her.

"I...I know that..." Emma groans as she starts to fidget. "And I'm trying to get enough...it's just...the nightmares."

"Would you say you are depressed?" Lyla asked.

"What?" Emma looked up in alarm.

"It's hard to say…" Emma shook her head, sighing "I don't know. My mood has been all over the place, but that doesn't necessarily mean that I'm depressed."

"Look," Dr. Hubbard spoke calmly, "I'm going to order some blood work to make sure that there isn't something more at play, here, but I also think that it's time to order some other medications in order to see if we can get your mood stabilized a bit."

"I don't…"

"Listen, Emma," Dr. Hubbard stopped Emma's protests before they could begin, "I know that you said you wanted to avoid medication as much as possible. I even understand your reasons for wanting to do so. I am well aware that many kids in the foster system are over medicated for mood disorders. But we can't afford to hold off any longer. You've lost twenty pounds, and can't afford to lose any more."

"I'll try to eat more, I promise," Emma tried to reassure her. "I will."

"Okay," Dr. Hubbard nodded, while at the same time tearing off a prescription from her pad. "Look, just give this one medication a try. If you still don't feel like it's helping in two weeks time, then we'll give some other things a try. Maybe some therapy would be good for you."

 _I tell my love to wreck it all_  
 _Cut out all the ropes and let me fall_  
 _My, my, my, my, my, my, my, my_  
 _Right in the moment this order's tall_

For months, Emma had been waiting for the day when Regina announced that she had officially broken it off with Robin. Through every sleepless night that the blonde suffered through, Emma would tell herself to just hang on a little longer. If she could just bear the crushing weight in her chest for a little longer, Regina would realize how much she loved her, and would leave Robin. But that day never came.

Emma kept waiting. She waited for some sort of a hint as to Regina's own feelings. Apart from that initial confession from the brunette, which had set everything into motion all of those months ago, Regina hadn't ever professed her love for the blonde. It occurred to the blonde that the word was never even said as being in the present tense. Emma felt bitter resignation as she realized that it was just never going to happen. Emma had given the brunette everything that she had to give, had stuck by her side through the thick of it. And still, Emma wasn't good enough for her. She was angry with herself for disillusioning herself, for hoping that despite all of the evidence that indicated otherwise, that Regina Mills harbored deep feelings for her. Somehow, being around the older woman always left Emma feeling incredibly vulnerable and inadequate.

 _And I told you to be patient_  
 _And told you to be fine_  
 _And I told you to be balanced_  
 _And I told you to be kind_  
 _In the morning I'll be with you_  
 _But it will be a different "kind"_  
 _I'll be holding all the tickets_  
 _And you'll be owning all the fines_

* * *

 _(Wednesday, September 30th, 2015; 3:27p.m.)_

 _The Loft; Emma's room_

 _Storybrooke Maine_

Emma spent much more of the afternoon sulking in her bedroom by herself, wanting more than anything to just be able to get rid of all the feelings of anguish and sadness housed deep in her chest. With a sigh she flipped open her phone. It was early in the week, but Emma could only hope that her personal trainer, Patrick, had some time to kill today because Emma needed an outlet, and a way to release all of the tension in her body. She felt like she had the weight of the world on her shoulders. Frankly, she felt just downright angry with herself.

"Hey, It's Emma Swan," Emma spoke into the phone, as the person on the other end picked up. "Yeah, I was wondering if you were up for some sparring today."

"Okay. Perfect," Emma replied, "Thanks Patrick. I'll see you in about a half an hour. Bye." And with that Emma grabbed her gym bag and left the quiet apartment.

* * *

 _(Wednesday, September 30th, 2015; 5:00p.m.)_

"Again," the thundering voice, and the clap accompanying it, had Emma jumping. Slowly she rolled over onto her hands and knees, pushing herself up into a standing position. By this point in time, her legs felt like jelly. Every muscle in her whole body strained with the continuous exertion. Her shirt had become soaked through minutes ago. Emma slowly lifted her fists to guard her face, preparing for another assault. Sure enough, within a beat the man was lunging forwards, and Emma was rolling to the side. She was back on her feet in a flash. Emma grunted as two fresh punches found purchase on her rigid stomach, but she fought back. What had started out as an exchange of punches, quickly turned into a take down, and a wrestling match blossomed. Emma was showing improvement, allowing instinct to take over all of her other senses. Within minutes, Emma, had the man pinned, with no chance of pulling out of the vice grip. Emma slowly stood, wiping away the excess sweat away with a towel.

"Again," Emma breathed as dropped the towel on the bench, and turned around.

"Emma," he sighed, "I think you've had enough today. Hell, I've had enough."

"Oh come on," Emma stepped forwards. "Don't be a baby…I'm not done."

"You think pissing me off is going to make me want to hit you?" he scoffed.

"It's working," Emma had a glint in her sea green eyes. "Come on, just one more round."

"Emma, you idiot," Patrick admonished, "I'm not going to hit you like you want me to."

"Come on," Emma hissed, her eyes flashing, "What are you afraid of?" Emma swallowed. "Hit me hard. Make it hurt."

"You're crazy," Patrick shook his head.

"You're right," Emma swallowed, "I'm probably insane. But I need this. Please. Everything hurts so much that I feel numb. I just want to feel something…anything. And I sure as hell would rather feel the physical aspect of it than the emotional."

"Me screwing up that pretty little face of yours is not going to make anything better, Emma," Patrick replied, "Trust me." He took a good look at Emma and the haunted expression in Emma's eyes. The woman was a mess, probably in worse shape than Patrick had ever seen her. He sighed as he relented. "Fine. We'll go one more round."

Emma squared her shoulders as she prepared for another assault. Minutes later, Patrick stopped as Emma dropped to the mat, blood pouring from her nose and mouth. Patrick took a step back. Emma sat up slowly and she took Patrick's proffered hand. She stood up, her head swimming a little in the clouds. Emma quickly grabbed a towel as she tried to stem the blood flow.

* * *

 _(Wednesday, September 30th, 2015; 5:27p.m.)_

 _The Charming's Apartment_

Emma climbed up the last flight of stairs, her breathing a little more ragged than she was used to. She was exhausted. Large purple bags adorned the space under her eyes, and a large purple bruise complete with a swollen jaw was there to mark where Patrick had struck her when she spaced out in the middle of their sparring session.

Emma wrapped her zip-up sweatshirt a little more tightly around her self. The thin sheen of sweat on her body was making her cold. Checking her watch again, she let out another sigh. Finally, she reached the landing. She walked slowly down the hall as she tried to pull the keys from her pocket. She was looking at the floor, and so she didn't see Regina right away.

 _You've got a hold of me_  
 _Don't even know your power_  
 _I stand a hundred feet_  
 _But I fall when I'm around ya_

Emma let out a groan as her eyes fell on the brunette. Emma felt her breath stick somewhere in her throat as her eyes raked over the black satin dress that Regina was still wearing. Emma let out a sigh of relief, as she realized that Regina had dozed off. Maybe if she were quiet enough she would be able to make it inside without waking her. As quietly as possible, Emma slipped her key into the lock and turned it. For a long heart stopping moment, Regina readjusted, mumbling in her sleep. Emma's hand froze on the knob, waiting to see if the older woman would wake up. Finally, as she settled back into sleep, Emma turned the knob and pushed open the door.

' _squeak_.'

"Damn it," Emma whispered, as Regina jumped awake, her face and warm brown eyes full of panic. Emma kicked herself. She should have oiled the hinges weeks ago. And now she was going to pay for her procrastination, to the tune of having to deal with the very last person she wanted to see at the moment. The blonde watched as it took a moment for Regina to realize where she was and why she was there. When Regina turned and captured Emma's eyes, she instantly straightened up.

"Emma," Regina breathed, pushing herself up off the floor. Once she was finally standing, Regina tugged her tight black dress down over her thighs, trying to preserve some shred of dignity.

"Go home, Regina. You're _clearly_ tired," Emma spoke softly, stepping into her apartment. Unfortunately, Regina followed her right on in without any sort of an invitation, before Emma could shut the door.

"Not until we talk," Regina said adamantly. "Where have you been?" Emma turned around, and Regina gasped. "And what in the hell happened to your face?" Without thinking, Regina reached out and ran her fingers softly along the bruise that covered most of Emma's left jaw. Emma's breath instantly hitched in her throat, not prepared for the heat of Regina's touch. Emma was quick to pull away, not wanting to be touched by the brunette because she knew she was within breaths of coming undone completely.

"It's nothing," Emma mumbled, as she dropped her bag to the floor with a dull thud, and started walking for the kitchen. "Don't worry about it."

"You're avoiding me," Regina spoke as she followed close on Emma's heels.

"No, I'm not," Emma sighed as she pulled out a glass from the cupboard. Emma involuntarily shuddered as she felt Regina's hand on her back. Emma dropped the glass, and watched helplessly as it promptly shattered on the counter.

Regina waved a hand, and all of the little shards of glass on the counter instantly vanished. Emma looked up to see the glass reassembled and sitting neatly on the first shelf. Emma scoffed, as she realized that now the brunette was just showing off. She felt her left hand begin to shake. Emma lifted it to cradle her face, as she closed her eyes and took another steadying breath. Regina was driving her mad.

 _Show me an open door_  
 _Then you go and slam it on me_  
 _I can't take anymore_  
 _I'm saying, baby_

"Yes, you are," Regina persisted, not willing to give up the argument, "You sent your father to our meeting this afternoon. You're avoiding me."

"I'm not avoiding you," Emma said sharply, as she let her hand fall away from her face and opened her eyes once more. Brown eyes bore into green. Both women were challenging the other to look away first. "I was busy, okay?" Emma her voice a mixture of anger and frustration. "So I sent my father to one of our meetings. It's not a big deal, Regina."

"It is," Regina rasped, "It is a big deal, Emma!" Emma groaned, as Regina reached up to her face again, "It's a _problem_ that you're not communicating with me."

" _Stop_ ," Emma flinched, pulling away from Regina's touch. The blonde quickly stepped sideways out of Regina's grasp. "Stop touching me."

"Since when am I not allowed to touch you?" Regina's face scrunched up in hurt. Emma had never pulled away like this before.

"Just _stop_ ," Emma breathed. "I don't want to be touched. _Not_ right now. We're not at my place, okay? We're in my _parent's_ apartment. Did you even think about that? They could come home at any moment and find us like this."

"I don't care!" Regina exclaimed, "Let them find out."

"You don't _mean_ that," Emma challenged.

"Yes," Regina said adamantly, "Yes, I do." Emma shook her head, her hands clenching into fists as she struggled to contain her emotions.

"What did I do?" Regina asked softly. Then, with exasperation in her voice Regina demanded. "Emma, would you please just _talk_ to me?!"

 _Please have mercy on me_  
 _Take it easy on my heart_  
 _Even though you don't mean to hurt me_  
 _You keep tearing me apart_  
 _Would you please have mercy, mercy on my heart?_

"I don't know what you want me to say!" Emma shot back, her voice quickly swelling in volume. "What do you _want_?"

"Where were you Sunday night?" Regina asked, meeting Emma's eyes, "You haven't missed a family dinner in months, but Sunday night you never showed."

"I was _busy_ ," Emma replied.

"So you say," Regina said calmly, but inside she felt like screaming. Her heart was pumping much too fast, and Regina's breaths quickened in her lungs.

"Look," Emma sighed, "My mom was supposed to tell you. I couldn't make it. I had plans."

"With _him_ ," Regina said slowly, silently begging Emma to deny it.

"Yes," Emma nodded.

"What- Emma, what are you doing?" Regina couldn't help but ask.

"What?" Emma asked shortly.

"What are you doing with him, Emma?" Regina questioned. "What are you trying to do? Are you _trying_ to hurt me?"

"Regina," Emma sighed, as she met the brunette's gaze, "I know you probably won't believe me when I say this, but no, I'm not doing it to hurt you. I'm seeing him, because I've decided that I owe it to myself to try and be happy for once."

"I…" Regina opened her mouth to protest, but wasn't sure she had any right. Still, she couldn't bear the thought of Emma with anyone else.

"You what?" Emma asked, her expression faltering.

"Nothing..." Regina swallowed back her words.

"Hah," Emma scoffed, her eyes flashing in victory. "Now who's failing to communicate?"

"Fine!" Regina's expression hardened. "You want to know how I really feel about all of this?"

"Sure," Emma said with an impatient sweep of her arm. "Tell me exactly how you feel, Mills."

"Don't you _dare_ call me that," Regina's temper flared, nearly exploded actually. It was all she could do in order to keep from shoving Emma against the counter.

"I'm _waiting_ ," Emma bit out impatiently.

 _I'm not asking for a lot_  
 _Just that you're honest with me_  
 _My pride is all I got_  
 _I'm saying baby_

"It kills me to think of you with someone else," Regina confessed, and Emma had to suck back a gasp. Whatever she had been expecting for Regina to say, it most certainly had not been that. "I don't want you to be with anyone else."

"And why not?" Emma asked, her arms crossing protectively over her chest, in a combative gesture.

"Because…" Regina huffs. "Because I…"

"Wait a minute. Are you _actually_ jealous?" Emma asked in amusement. For a fraction of a moment, a smile tugged at the corners of Emma's lips, but the blonde swallowed the emotions back down. She remembered why she was upset with the brunette in the first place.

"Yes!" Regina shouted, "Yes, okay? The truth is, I…I can't stand the thought of his hands on you. When I saw you kissing him, I wanted to… I wanted to incinerate him with a fireball! So, if that means I'm jealous, then yeah, I guess that I am…" Emma's jaw was suddenly wide open. She wasn't entirely sure she believed it. Because in order for Regina to be jealous, it would have to mean that the brunette did feel _something_ for her after all. Then anger replaced incredulousness as she realized the other implications of Regina's words. There was only one way that the brunette could know about the kiss. She had been spying on them.

"You- You were spying on us?" Emma asked, her voice tinged in disbelief.

"Emma," Regina choked out the word, her voice weighted in sudden exhaustion. But most of all, the word was a plea.

" _Don't_ ," Emma bit out, her voice taught with anger. How dare she? How dare Regina spy on her like she was doing something wrong?

"Please, Emma," Regina said, stepping forwards, "Please just tell him that you can't see him anymore…"

"Regina," Emma groaned in frustration, her throat suddenly dry. "Don't ask this of me…"

"Are you really saying no?" Regina asked quietly, her heart feeling like it is about to collapse in on itself. "Please, Emma, I'm asking you not to see him anymore."

"And I'm telling you that you have no _right_ to ask this of me," Emma said honestly, "I don't belong to you any more than you belong to me, Regina. We made rules! You made the very rule that you are breaking, or don't you remember? No jealousy. Period."

"Emma," Regina spoke thickly, tears building in her eyes.

"Look, I'm sorry it's been so _difficult_ for you," Emma said, her voice tinged with barely concealed anger and sarcasm. "But do you _honestly_ think it's been easy for me, with you and Robin traipsing about the town as if you can't possibly get enough of each other?" Emma asked, with a fury Regina hasn't seen before. "I've...I've had to stomach it for months, Regina. Months! Hell, it didn't even seem to _matter_ if I tried to avoid seeing you, because you were fucking _everywhere_ ," Emma muttered angrily, "And now you have the _gall_ to ask me not to see Jake? Who has been nothing but a perfect gentleman, by the way..."

"Emma, I understand you're upset," Regina breathed. "And maybe I didn't word my request in the best way, but..."

"Upset?" Emma laughed hollowly. "I'm not _upset!_ I'm _angry_ , Regina. You've turned me into a god forsaken fool, and I'm sick of feeling like it."

"Emma, if you're going to ask me to leave him again, I…" Regina began, but Emma didn't let her get that far.

"No!" Emma interrupted angrily. "I'm past that." Emma started pacing. "Because I think that if you truly loved me, you would have left him months ago. But you _didn't_. I waited patiently for months, just hoping that you would realize that I was enough to make you happy. But I'm not enough, am I?"

"Emma…" Regina gasped.

"I love you, Regina," Emma cried out, tears burning hotly in her eyes. Her voice cracked and Emma hated herself for letting her emotions show. "There, I said it! I love you, and I'm not enough. I'm _never_ going to be enough for you."

"No," Regina shook her head, "That's not- You can't possibly believe that."

"No?" Emma said, her voice cracking harshly. Emma's cheeks flushed as the first tears escaped. Emma wiped at them furiously. She hated herself for crying in front of the brunette. "Because that's _exactly_ what I believe."

Regina opened her mouth to speak, but found her throat closing up on her. She was overwhelmed by the feeling of panic overtaking her. In fact, she was a hair's breadth away from hyperventilating.

"You're never going to be able to leave him, are you?" Emma whispered. Regina swallowed hard, struggling to swallow over the sudden obstruction in her throat. "I need to know, Regina. Do you love me enough to leave Robin, or not?"

"Emma, I can't answer that," Regina breathed.

"Yes, you can!" Emma shouted hotly, "It's an easy enough question, Regina. Either you love me, or you don't."

"You don't understand. It's _not_ an easy answer," Regina replied, "I…It's complicated. The pixie dust said that he's my soul mate. In fairy tale land we were fated to be together."

"But that's the thing," Emma retorted, "We're not in fairy tale land anymore, Regina. We live in this world, where you can make your own choices…your own destiny." Emma continued, finding her courage. "You can make your own happiness. We _could_ be happy, you and I, you know we _could_. All you have to do is take this one leap of faith."

"I don't know if I can, Emma," Regina confessed.

"Then you're a fucking coward!" Emma shouted suddenly, her words biting. Regina flinched, knowing just how true those words were. "I love you so much that it's _literally_ killing me, and you aren't brave enough to let me." Emma exhaled and closed her eyes, silently counting to ten. The silence is so deafening, it's almost hard to take. Then, Emma seems to realized she stepped over the line. Slowly Emma's eyes fluttered back open.

"I…I'm sorry," Emma apologized softly, so softly in fact that Regina almost didn't catch it.

"No," Regina shook her head, as she accepted the blonde's apology, "I-I deserved that."

"Look, Regina," Emma said honestly, finally letting her gaze meet Regina's red-rimmed one. "I… I really just want you to be happy."

"Emma," Regina sighed warily, "if this is some sort of trick…."

"It's not a trick," Emma promised her. "Just-"

"Just what?" Regina questioned.

"Do you love him?" Emma asked softly.

"Emma," Regina breathed, the name heavy on her lips.

"Please! Just be honest with me, for once! You _owe_ me that much," Emma told her, "Please."

Regina opened her mouth to speak, but then hesitated. Still the words escaped her somehow, as if to betray all of the feelings that she had for the blonde in front of her. "Yes, I-I love him," Regina told her, her voice a mixture of emotions that Emma couldn't quite place.

 _Please have mercy on me_  
 _Take it easy on my heart_  
 _Even though you don't mean to hurt me_  
 _You keep tearing me apart_  
 _Would you please have mercy on me_  
 _I'm a puppet on your strings_  
 _And even though you've got good intentions_  
 _I need you to set me free_  
 _Would you please have mercy, mercy on my heart?_

"Okay," Emma exhaled, as she struggled to accept the sudden hurt such an admission caused. She felt defeated. "Okay…" she breathed again. "That's good. I'm glad I know."

"Emma-" Regina spoke the word in a sort of plea.

"I think you should go," Emma told her.

"Not yet. Don't- Don't you want to know if I love you?" Regina asked as she walked over to Emma, grabbing the blonde's hands in hers.

"No." The answer is resolute. It hits Regina like a punch to the gut. She needs for Emma to know that she loves her too.

"Because I do," Regina told her, her voice thick with emotion, "Emma, I love you."

" _Stop_ it," Emma flinched, "Just fucking stop it, Regina." Emma felt her chest tighten as she saw the pain in Regina's expression.

"Emma," Regina's face is scrunched up as she struggles not to let more tears break free.

"Don't!" Emma hissed, "Don't tell me you love me. At this point it only makes me feel angry."

"What is your problem?" Regina asked her, feeling anger bubble to the surface.

"My problem is you," Emma spoke, pulling away. "You claim that you love me, but you're unwilling to prove it. You're too much of a fucking coward to do anything, and I'm sick of feeling used. I deserve better."

"Emma."

"If you care about me at all, just look me in the eyes and tell me you don't love me. Tell me that you'll never love me as much as you love Robin Hood," Emma pleaded, "Tell me that what we have together isn't worth fighting for."

"Emma! Don't be ridiculous," Regina hissed, "You know I can't do that!

"Just do it."

"No!" Regina spoke obdurately, as she surged forwards, attempting to grab Emma's hands.

"God, Regina! Just how goddamn selfish are you?" Emma shouted, as she batted away Regina's hands.

"I can't do what you're asking!" Regina objected, "I'd be lying…"

"Then fucking lie if you have to!" Emma snapped, her fist suddenly slamming into the nearby cupboard between the two of them. Regina jumped in alarm, scared by the outburst. She'd never seen the blonde this unhinged before. Sure, she'd been in fistfights with her before, but she'd never seen the almost crazed look in Emma's sea green eyes before. "Just do it, Regina. Just fucking do it! At the very least you _owe_ me this!" Emma ordered as she immediately winced, and tried shaking out her hand. Almost instinctively Emma cradled her hand in her other, and pulled it towards her body to shield to injured limb. Regina noticed with a pang, that Emma had split open her knuckles.

"I…I can't," Regina sobbed, nearly breaking down. "God, Emma, I can't do it."

Regina continued to sob, as Emma grabbed onto the counter, trying desperately to steady her breathing. The blonde's hand was throbbing in time to her pounding heart. Silence built between them for several long minutes, before Emma could muster up the strength to speak the words she should have started with.

"I don't think we should see each other any more," Emma spoke quietly.

 _Consuming all the air inside my lungs_  
 _Ripping all the skin from off my bones_  
 _I'm prepared to sacrifice my life_  
 _I would gladly do it twice_

"What?!" Regina's eyes flashed immediately in alarm.

"It's too painful," Emma shook her head, taking a step sideways as Regina took an involuntary step forwards. "I'm tired, Regina. I'm so fucking tired. We've been doing this dance for months, and I…I can't do it anymore. God, I was so in love with you that I was willing to do almost anything in order to be with you. I thought my love for you would be enough, but I was wrong. I…I can't _eat_. I can't _sleep_. The guilt is eating me alive, and I just- I can't do it anymore. I swore to myself that I would never be the other woman, but I… I sacrificed a part of myself in order to be with you."

"Emma," Regina's voice broke.

"You told me when this started that you thought we would ruin each other," Emma reminded her, letting out a hollow laugh. "I didn't believe you then, but I do now."

"Emma, please," Regina begged.

"You've ruined me, Regina," Emma said emotionally. "I…I despise myself," Emma confessed. "The truth is, I can't even look in the fucking mirror without wanting to gouge my own eyes out. I don't know how you can even bear to look at me. I-I just can't do this anymore."

"I'm so sorry," Regina said stepping forward. "Please, Emma. I love you. I love you so much. I…I can't lose you. I just need a little more time."

"That's just it," Emma said honestly, as tears seeped from her eyes, cascading down her cheeks. It shattered Regina's heart. Emma reached up to brush them away. "I want to give you more time, but I…I just don't have anything more to give."

"Emma," Regina said as she surged forwards.

Emma couldn't resist any longer, as Regina's hands suddenly turned her.

"You should go," Emma whispered quietly.

"No," Regina refused. "I'm not leaving. Not until we talk this out."

"I'm tired, Regina," Emma told her. And Regina knew that Emma meant it. The blonde was barely holding herself up.

Chocolate brown eyes took in the exhaustion on Emma's face, and Regina was instantly heartbroken. The older woman couldn't help but want to offer comfort to her lover. Even if she was the very reason the blonde needed comforting in the first place.

"Regina..."

"Shh," Regina soothed gently, her voice and touch so full of warmth that it drew Emma in like a warm blanket, "Just close your eyes, my love."

Emma's eyes closed in resignation, as she felt Regina's hand slide gently over her cheek. Emma moaned softly, as she felt Regina's lips on hers. Emma tried to pull away, but Regina stepped into the kiss, drawing it out. The brunette was kissing her like her life depended on it. But Emma slowly slid her hands up to Regina's shoulders, pushing the brunette away. Regina's lips left hers unwillingly, and the brunette gasped at the sheer amount of restraint that the blonde just demonstrated.

 _Oh, please have mercy on me_  
 _Take it easy on my heart_  
 _Even though you don't mean to hurt me_  
 _You keep tearing me apart_  
 _Would you please have mercy on me_  
 _I'm a puppet on your string_  
 _And even though you got good intentions_  
 _I need you to set me free_

"No," Emma denied the brunette as the older woman tried to surge forwards again, not wanting to stop. Emma was having nothing of it. "No. You can't kiss your way out of this one, Regina."

"That's not what I…"

"Yes," Emma spoke curtly, "Yes, you were."

"Emma, please," Regina begged, "Just tell me what I can do to fix this!"

"You can't!" Emma shouted angrily. "D-Don't you understand? It's done! We're over!"

"Emma," Regina gasped.

"I'm _done_ , Regina," Emma said as calmly as she could, but her breathing was heavy and erratic. "I'm not going to do this to myself anymore. I'm done pining over something that I can never have."

"Don't do this!" Regina pleaded. "Emma, please. Please don't do this."

"You and I, we'll... We'll just forget the last six months never happened and go back to being friends," Emma said as if that could just fix everything, "You can be happy with Robin, and I- I'll give Jake the good chance that he deserves. In time- in time we'll get over eachother. We might even be happy."

"You can't be serious," Regina said indignantly. "Emma you can't possibly think that this can work."

"And why not?" Emma challenged, "We're both adults, aren't we?"

"We can't just be friends, Emma," Regina argued passionately, "You and I can _never_ go back to being just friends."

"Regina."

"Emma, listen to me. I will leave Robin. I swear it," Regina begged, grabbing Emma's hand in a vice grip, "Just don't do this!"

"No," Emma shook her head, stubbornly, "This is what we have to do."

"I can't just pretend that I don't have feelings for you," Regina nearly shouted, "I… I _love_ you!"

"Then maybe we shouldn't see each other at all," The traitorous words are so shocking, Regina could never possibly prepare herself for the hurt they cause.

"No!" Regina said as forcefully as possible. "No, Emma! This is what will _destroy_ us. This is what will _ruin_ us! What about Henry?"

"None of the arrangements will change," Emma responded. "We'll alternate weeks with him. And of course, Henry can spend as much time with you and Robin as he wants."

"No," Regina suddenly sobbed. "That isn't what I want."

"Well, that's too fucking bad, because we don't always get what we _want_ ," Emma shot back, her voice barely containing her own hurt.

Emma quickly pulled her hand out of Regina's grasp. Regina watched as smoke suddenly billowed around the blonde. Regina reached out, trying to stop the blonde from leaving, but she was too late. The smoke slipped through her fingers, and Regina let out a low wail, as she dropped to her knees.

 _I'm begging you for mercy, mercy (on my heart)_  
 _I'm begging you, begging you please baby_  
 _I'm begging you for mercy, mercy (on my heart)_  
 _Oh, I'm begging you, I'm begging you, yeah_

* * *

 _ **A/N: Please don't hate me! Leave me a review to let me know what you think!**_

 _ **Thanks for reading!**_


	7. Hurt for Me

Title: Make it Without You  
Category: TV Shows » Once Upon A Time  
Author: Alwaysbringback-up  
Language: English, Rating: Rated: M (for language and sexual themes)  
Genre: Angst/General

 **Chapter 7: Hurt for Me**

 **Pairing: SwanQueen**

 _ **Disclaimer: I don't own any part of the OUAT universe. All characters belong to Adam and Eddie, the show's creators. I promise that my writing is done purely for recreational purposes only. No ill harm is intended.**_

 _ **A/N: Here's the next chapter! I'd like to think that this is the first of many steps to a resolution, but we are by no means there, yet. Please enjoy!**_

 _ **To my readers and reviewers! Thank you so much reading this story! All your reviews, follows and favorites, make me smile! There is so much joy that comes in sharing my writing with others. So thank you from the bottom of my heart! :)**_

 _ **RockofBroadway - I'm so sorry I made your heart hurt. I hope that I can make it better!**_

 _ **Juliette101 - There is some talking in this chapter! Unfortunately, the making up part might take a little longer though! Thanks for reading!**_

 _ **Guest (and everyone else): I'm sorry for making your heart hurt. Of course, after the fact, I realized that I should have tagged the chapter with a kleenex warning. I cried while writing it, but I get emotional while writing sometimes. I don't always know what how the readers will react! Please forgive me!**_

 _ **LyzzSQ: I understand that the last chapter was a little overwhelming emotionally. This one is a little better, but it still might tug at your heartstrings a bit!**_

 _ **Trilby456: Aww... Your poor cats! I'm sorry! I'm sorta curious about the cow noises, now.**_

 _ **Rondaday1: Thank you!**_

 _ **FreakyGirl86: Thank you so much! Here's more!**_

 _ **Jokulhaup: Please don't die! I'm sorry for hurting you.**_

 _ **Wazgood529: I'm glad Emma is giving herself a chance at happiness, too! Regina really needs to get her shit together.**_

 _ **JustLoveMeFor93: Damn, indeed! :)**_

* * *

 _(Wednesday, October 14th, 2015, 7:45a.m.)_

 _Granny's Diner_

 _Storybrooke, Maine_

Emma's breath misted in the early morning air, as she hurriedly jogged her way across the street, with her boots thudding heavily on the pavement. She glanced down at her watch and cursed. She was more than a little late for breakfast with Henry and it was all because she'd had to investigate a hit and run incident from the night before. The victim of the accident was a dog, now currently housed at the animal shelter with a broken leg. And Emma was torn about how to feel about this particular situation. She didn't know whether to be relieved that it was only an animal who'd gotten hurt, or aggravated that such a thing had happened at all. Who would do something so horrible anyway? Who could possibly leave an injured animal on the side of the road, to fend for itself? Emma couldn't understand it. She was determined to find the person involved. It's just that this particular case posed some unique challenges, the first of which being that the victim was unable to relay pertinent information. She felt horrible for the little fella, and had offered to foot his bill.

Emma yanked her phone from its holster, as it suddenly came to life. She spied David's name on the display and let out a grunt.

' _Not now_ ,' Emma thought as she shoved it back into her holster. She would have to deal with David later.

Emma looked up with a start as a car suddenly laid on its horn with three short bursts. Emma felt her heart leap to her throat, as she jumped back just in the nick of time. Even so, she just barely avoided taking a tumble over the hood of an old car, that had to both slam on its brakes _and_ swerve out of the way, in order to avoid hitting her. Emma let out a growl and glared at the person behind the wheel, as if it were their fault and not _hers_ for being out in the middle of the road. Emma swallowed back whatever words she had for them, as she took a step back. The car quickly sped down the street with an impatient squeal of tires. Emma let out a hiss of protest, as the driver stuck their hand out of the window and flicked her off as they departed. Emma made a mental note of the license plate, and decided to cite them for it later. Emma looked up to make sure no one else was about to run her over, and then jogged the rest of the way across the street.

Emma's mood was taking a rapid dive. It was grating on Emma that she was this late for her time with Henry, so much so that now all she could hope for was the chance for a quick hello and a hug, before she took it upon herself to walk Henry to school. It _also_ didn't help that Emma still wasn't sleeping at all. After all, seemingly every time that Emma closed her eyes, Emma found herself reliving that night from two weeks ago - when she'd ended her relationship with Regina and had crushed her own heart in the process. Emma let out a ragged breath as pushed open the door to Granny's Diner. The chimes above the door twinkled, announcing her presence to others inside of the diner. Emma's sea green eyes darted immediately towards her usual table as she walked inside, hoping to find Henry still sitting there. Emma felt her heart lurch in her chest as she laid eyes on someone else seated at the table with Henry - someone completely unexpected. Emma suddenly came to an abrupt halt just inside the door. She brusquely tugged off her hat in discontent, as she noted how Henry's eyes lit up at something Regina said. Emma struggled for breath, seemingly frozen, as Regina reached across the table to squeeze Henry's hand. Often times, Emma felt inadequate as a parent, when she witnessed the sort of connection that Regina and Henry shared. Sure, Henry went out of this way a lot of the time to make Emma feel loved, but Emma could tell that he still held some reservations. Emma swallowed out of nervousness, as Henry seemed to pick up on her presence, and turned towards her. He quickly turned, his eyes meeting Emma's as he offered her a lopsided smile. Emma took a step forwards, and then hesitated, as Regina also turned to see what had stolen Henry's attention.

"Mom!" Henry called, waving his hand as if beckoning her over to the table.

Emma mentally kicked herself, forcing herself forward. She fought to put a smile onto her face as she walked over. Anxiously, Emma started running her hands through tangled strands, trying to get her hair back into some semblance of order before she reached the two of them.

"Sorry, I'm late, kid," Emma said as she pulled up a chair and turned it. She plopped down in the chair with a soft huff, straddling its sides. She folded her arms on the back of the chair, and leaned forwards. Of course, she tried to make her posture look the very picture of nonchalant, but her whole body was extremely tense. She felt as if every muscle in her body was on edge. She had to consciously avoid grinding her teeth. She'd been doing it a lot lately, and needed to stop. "There was a hit and run last night, and I had to investigate."

"It's okay," Henry shrugged. "Mom was free for breakfast this morning, so fortunately she was able to fill your shoes."

"Ah. It's good to know I'm so easily replaced," Emma joked, meeting Henry's eyes with a teasing smile.

"You know that's not what I meant," Henry told her with a scoff. "I was just trying to make you feel better about missing breakfast."

"Uh huh," Emma nodded, and turned to meet Regina's welcoming gaze, "Hey, Regina. Thank you for stepping up in my place. I felt really bad about not being able to make it. It's good to know that he didn't miss out."

"Don't worry about it, Emma. It was my pleasure," Regina replied, as her eyes met and locked onto Emma's. "Plus, I'd never dream of passing up a chance for some time with our son."

 _Oh no, today I find it hard to swallow_  
 _The bed is made and I feel hollow_  
 _My friends suggest that I should take it slow_  
 _I took it slow_

Emma hadn't realized how much she missed the brunette's gaze, until just now. Gazing into Regina's chocolate brown eyes felt like taking her very first breath after being starved for oxygen for an extended period. Emma's throat felt like it was closing up on her. Her eyes burned as the emotional pain and anguish she thought she had overcome came back with a vengeance. Still, through the pain, Emma's eyes never left Regina's.

A throat clearing behind her mercifully saved Emma from having to do or say anything else. Emma turned to find Ruby standing there with her note pad casually flipped open. Emma adjusted her haphazard posture so that she could properly face and address the redhead.

"Morning," Ruby greeted.

"Morning, Rubes," Emma greeted with a smile. "How are you?"

"Uh, I'm good. Life is good. How about you? Would you like me to get you your usual this morning?" Ruby offered.

"Uh," Emma cleared her throat, reaching up to paw at the back of her neck uneasily. "Actually, I uh- I think I'm good for now. Thanks."

"You sure?" Ruby's brow furrowed ever so slightly, a poorly concealed frown instantly took up residence on her face, as if Emma's polite refusal had offended her in some way.

"Yeah," Emma responded. "I'm sure. I- I'm just not really hungry right now, but thanks."

"Mom," Henry said, reaching out to place his hand on Emma's left shoulder. "You need to eat something. You skipped dinner last night, remember?"

"I'll have to get something to eat, later," Emma told him, as she pushed her way to her feet. "Right now, we've got to get you to school. It's fifteen to eight already. And you're going to be late, if we stay much longer."

"Mom," Henry frowned.

"I'll get something to eat later, Henry," Emma assured him, "I promise." "I'll go and pay the bill while you two finish up." Emma informed Regina as she pulled out her wallet.

"Miss Swan," Regina protested. Emma hated how much Regina's title of formality hurt her. "Surely you don't think I'm going to let you pay the bill. You didn't even get anything to eat!"

"Naw, I've got it," Emma said stubbornly, "Just think of it as a thank you for being there for Henry when I couldn't be." Emma followed Ruby up to the counter, pulling out her wallet as she did so..

Regina let out a huff, and turned back to face Henry, in order to see a frown prominent on his face. Her eyebrows furrowed as she struggled to decipher the look on his face. He looked as if he were about to cry. It was a stark contrast to how he had been acting before Emma first made an appearance. And it struck a chord within her. She worried about what it meant.

"Henry?" Regina asked concernedly, "Hey, what's wrong?"

"It's nothing," Henry shook his head.

"Clearly something is wrong," Regina challenged him. "You were all smiles earlier, but now you look as if you're about to cry. It's okay, Dear. You can tell me whatever it is."

"It's mom," he said quietly, as he looked after Emma. "She- She hasn't been eating," Henry almost whispered.

 _I sweat it out, I'm not okay, and I'm shaking on the floor_  
 _I lay awake and I count the days, and I wait beside the door_  
 _For love, I only want you next to me_  
 _Sweet love, how long before you hurt for me?_  
 _Hurt for me, do you hurt for me?_

"What?" Regina frowned. She couldn't keep her eyes from darting over to where Emma was standing at the register. The blonde handed some cash to Ruby. Regina quickly scrutinized the blonde's body. Seemingly for the first time, Regina noticed how Emma's clothes were much looser on the blonde's lithe frame. In fact, they were hanging off of the blonde's frame in several obvious places. The dramatic contrast was jarring. Emma was extremely thin, more so than Regina could ever remember; she was all bone and no muscle. "Are- are you sure?" Henry nodded resolutely.

"You see it, don't you?" Henry asked as he analyzed Regina's expression. "I know you do." Regina swallowed, wincing as she felt her throat constrict almost painfully.

"H-How long?" Regina's voice cracked, her tone betraying the depth of her concern.

"Mom," Henry sighed. "I shouldn't have even said anything."

"How long has it been going on, Henry?" Regina questioned, pressing him for more information. Her eyes never left Emma. And before long, Emma caught her at it. The blonde gave her a small wave, when she caught the brunette's eyes on her. "When is it that you first noticed?"

"I...I started noticing it a while ago. At first it was just a skipped meal here and there, but now- Now she's hardly had anything to eat in weeks," Henry finally revealed. "I can tell that Grandpa and Grandma are really worried. I umm... heard them talking about it a few nights ago. I don't think I was supposed to hear, but I did. I guess Mom collapsed a few weeks ago, but when Dad tried to take her to the hospital to get checked out, she refused to go." Regina suddenly couldn't breathe. How in the hell had she missed something so important? Had she really been so self involved that she didn't notice Emma self-destructing in front of her?

 _Blackout, the night before inside of my mouth_  
 _Too much, it's what I like to do now_  
 _My mind explodes and I can't make it out_  
 _I'm falling down_

Regina couldn't help but think back to that night two weeks ago. It had been the last time Regina had been in the same room as the blonde. Suddenly everything that was said took on a new depth - a new meaning.

Regina remembered the blonde's words well.

 _'_ I can't _eat_. I can't _sleep_ ,' She also remembered Emma's exhausted and weary voice well. It haunted her dreams. Hell, it followed and haunted her _wherever_ she went.

"You're scared," Regina stated.

"You are too," Henry pointed out. Regina looked back at Henry, in order to find two bright green pools staring at her. The moroseness that she saw in his gaze hurt her in ways she hadn't been hurt before.

"Yeah," Regina nodded nodded, tears building in her eyes.

"I-" Henry's face scrunched up as he struggled not to cry, "I only just got her back, mom. I-I don't want to lose her again."

"Henry," Regina said softly. "I'm not going to let that happen. I would never let anything happen to Emma, I promise." Regina swallowed thickly, as she tried to gather her courage. Then, she hesitantly spoke. "The truth is, I care about your mother very -" Regina abruptly stopped talking as Emma approached the table.

"Hey, are you ready to go, kid?" Emma asked him. Henry nodded, and slid out of the booth, grabbing his backpack from the seat.

"Would you - mind if I tag along?" Regina asked, her tone and expression pleading.

"Sure," Emma shrugged, "I mean- why not? He's your son, too." Regina nodded gratefully.

Henry rushed out the door to the diner and Emma followed, holding open the door for the beautiful brunette.

Henry served as a sort of buffer for them as they walked. Emma made a point of avoiding looking in Regina's direction. She was all too aware she was the sole object of Regina's undivided attention. She could feel the brunette's eyes on her as they walked and made idle chit chat.

When they arrived at the school, Emma gave Henry a quick hug.

"Have a good day at school, kid," Emma told him as she gave him a squeeze, "Either I, or your mom, will pick you up after."

"Okay," he nodded. He repeated the gesture with Regina. Henry pulled away from the embrace and scrubbed at the place where Regina's lips had pressed to his cheek as he pulled away. He pretended to be affronted, but they both knew that he secretly loved it. Emma was surprised when he turned towards her. "This was nice," Henry smiled, "We should do this more often!" Emma felt her breath hitch in her throat as Regina's eyes met hers knowingly.

"We should," Regina agreed. Emma just nodded, watching as Henry ran for the main doors just as the bell rang.

"Well, I should really get going, I've got a lot of work to do," Emma told her, "Have a nice day, Re-" Emma bit down hard on her tongue, catching her near slip. "Have a good day, Mayor Mills," Emma said as calmly as she could manage. Emma shoved her hands deep into the pockets of her jacket, and started briskly walking away, without waiting for any sort of response from the brunette.

"Emma- Emma, wait!" Regina pleaded breathlessly, as she started chasing after the blonde, following her down the walk at a near run.

Emma closed her eyes, as she steeled herself against the older woman. She felt her feet falter on the walk, as she took in the sound of Regina's quickened steps chasing after her. She tried desperately not to flinch as she felt a hand close around her arm.

 _I see your face in blurry shades, and I reach out for your hand_  
 _All your ways, I can't explain, but I want to understand_

Emma's eyes blinked open, in order to see Regina's doe like brown eyes searching her face. There was an undeniable pain behind the brunette's gaze, that Emma wished she could un-see. She hated knowing every emotion behind Regina's open and vulnerable expression. Regina's eyes were misting over slightly, as if brimming with tears.

"I…" Emma opened her mouth to say something, but found herself unable to do so.

"Wait," Regina shook her head. "Please, just let me get this out before you try to say anything." Emma nodded, silently resigning herself to listen.

"I…I had no idea the sort of toll that this affair had taken on you," Regina spoke. "I honestly don't know if I just didn't _want_ to see it, or if I was so wrapped up in my own needs that I completely missed it, but- I am so _so_ sorry, Emma." Emma felt her chest squeeze in pain, as she realized Regina was hurting too. " _Please_ … Please forgive me."

"I need time," Emma's first words squeaked, her voice cracking with vulnerability. "Look, it's not just your fault, Regina, it's- it's mine, too. Somehow, i think we both lost sight of why this whole thing started." Emma expelled a shuddering breath. "I want to be clear about one thing. I- I'm not sorry for loving you. I'm not. You know that I-I could _never_ regret that. I just- I couldn't do it anymore."

"I know," Regina nodded. "I understand that, and I'll respect it. Just-" Regina reached up to wipe several tears away. "I hope that eventually I will be able to repair the damage that I've done, and show you how much you mean to me. I- I want you to be able to forgive me. Emma, I need to be able to earn back your trust."

"I'd like that," Emma said honestly. "Because - I don't think that I can handle not seeing you. I- I need you in my life, Regina. The truth is, I care about you too damned much to let you go."

"Oh, Emma," Regina sniffled, "You never have to worry about that. I promise that I give you as much space as you need, but I can't handle not having you in my life, either. You're my best friend, Emma. God, this hurts so much."

"Friends?" Emma questioned as she tentatively held out a hand to the brunette, as if to make some sort of truce. Emma let out a shuddering gasp, as she suddenly felt herself pulled into a crushing embrace. Emma closed her eyes, her arms holding Regina as tightly against her as possible. Regina took in a deep breath, relishing in a scent she's desperately missed since Emma had left her in the Charming's kitchen two weeks ago. With a spike of pain, however, Regina realized how thin Emma really was with her arms wrapped around the blonde's middle like this.

 _My love, I only want you next to me_  
 _Sweet love, how long before you hurt for me?_  
 _Hurt for me, do you hurt for me?_

"Emma," Regina exhaled as she suddenly pulled away. Emma's eyes opened to find herself the sole object of Regina's scrutiny. "I need to- Can I... ask you something?"

"I guess it depends," Emma's brow furrowed, "What is it?"

"Are you taking care of yourself?" Regina had to ask.

Emma let out a hollow laugh, the sound was eerily haunting. "Where on earth is this coming from?" Emma asked, taken slightly aback, as she ran a hand through tangled strands.

"Emma, please, just be frank with me, okay?" Regina begged, "Are- Are you eating? Because Henry seems to think you haven't been."

"Are you kidding me right now?" Emma's eyes flashed, her jaw tightening. She knew that she couldn't really reassure Regina in the way that the woman was hoping, but she supposed that she could always just stretch the truth a little bit. Regina would never even have to know the truth.

"In answer to your question, yes, I'm taking care of myself. Look, I- I've been struggling with some stuff lately, but I'm well aware of the problem and I'm addressing it."

"Emma," Regina began, her tone soft. "God you're really thin. Are you- Are you getting help?" This was the last straw for Emma. All pleasantries aside, Regina was about to get what she had coming to her.

"You know what?! I was trying to humor you, but now I'm done!" Emma hissed angrily, her tone hostile. She could barely contain her anger. "I don't have to take this from you anymore." Emma shoved her way past Regina. Regina visibly flinched. She refused to let the blonde get far from her, however. She trailed after the blonde, latching onto one of the blonde's wrists, with her long, slender fingers.

"Emma," Regina beseeched her. "Emma, please. Please don't push me away. Look, I brought it up because I care. You should know that don't have to go through this on your own."

"Regina, what I'm going through right now is _none_ of your fucking business," Emma snapped angrily, "It's _my_ body, and I'm fully capable of taking care of myself."

"You collapsed," Regina told her, and then turned it into a question. "You collapsed a little while ago, right?"

"Regina..." Emma muttered warningly, her hand trembling suddenly under Regina's touch.

"Please, Emma!" Regina cried out, her tone exasperated, "I'm just trying to understand what is happening. I just want to make sure that you're okay."

"Of course I'm not okay!" Emma shouted, her words slamming into Regina. They hit her with enough force that it about bowled Regina over. She hadn't heard so much anger and passion in Emma's voice, in a long time, "But that's not exactly your concern anymore, is it?"

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" Regina retorted. "I care about you, Emma! Have you really forgotten about everything we've been through together? We're family, you and I."

"Careful, Regina. It would be unwise for you to try and use that against me," Emma bit out. "Especially after you saw to it that we'll never be family."

"And what the hell is that supposed to mean?" Regina challenged, fighting back.

"Exactly what it sounds like," Emma shot back. "We're not family, Regina. You may be Henry's other mother. But you and I? We're nothing."

"You don't mean that," Regina tried to ignore the sting, and the bite behind Emma's words, but the punches landed. Emma had gone right for the jugular. And Regina hated that Emma could be so callous.

"Do you know what your son said to me this morning?" Regina questioned. "Do you?"

"No," Emma bit out sarcastically, "But I have a feeling you're about to tell me."

"He said that he was afraid of losing you," Regina said passionately. "And god help me, Emma, if I'm not scared as hell of losing you too. So please, let those of us that care about you, help you."

"You can't help me!" Emma said angrily, with tears burning hotly in her eyes. "You don't get it, do you? You're part of the reason I got this way!"

"What?" Regina's voice broke. "Are you saying I…"

"No!" Emma burst out, "Of course I'm not saying it's your fault. Obviously, it's mine. But- I was self destructing for months, and you never fucking _noticed_. All of those hours you spent making love to me, and you never really _looked_ at me, did you? You were so consumed by everything else that you overlooked the most important thing of all."

"Emma," Regina felt a sob break free.

 _I sedate my mind with hope of your return_  
 _Just enough to weigh me down_  
 _I can fake my heart and I love to watch it burn_  
 _But it knows you aren't around_

"You don't get it!" Emma said frankly, "My life is _shit_ , Regina. It's always _been_ shit. The truth is, it started a long time before you, and it will probably be that way for a long time to come. So try not to concern yourself with it too much."

"That's utter and complete bullshit!" Regina said angrily. "How can you possibly say that?"

"Because it's true," Emma shot back.

"No!" Regina hissed. "You know better than anyone that have to fight for your happiness." Regina took a deep breath. "You know how I know that? It's because you told me. _You_ made me believe that there was something better in store for me. So to hear you say that, just pisses me off. Emma, if you resign yourself to a crappy life, then it's never going to get any better." Emma shook her head. "You have to _fight_ for your happiness."

"Yeah?" Emma scoffed. "Well, I'm tired of fighting, Regina. Fighting has gotten me nowhere."

"No," Regina refused to accept it.

"Everyone I've ever loved has betrayed me in one horrible way or another. Hook is dead," Emma shouted, "Neal is dead! I'm not going to do this anymore, Regina. Cause it's bullshit. I'm done. I'm just _done_."

"I love you!" Regina shouted. "I love you, and so I refuse to just sit idly by and let you give up on your happiness. I refuse to give up, because you deserve to be happy."

"You _broke_ me, Regina," Emma said honestly. "You broke me, and you didn't even care!" Emma let out a shuddering breath. "You didn't _want_ to see it."

"I do care!" Regina said, reaching up to grasp Emma's face in her hands. "I do care," Regina repeated, her voice cracking. "Please let me atone for the hurt I caused. Let me help put you back together. I promise that I can make you believe in happiness again."

"No," Emma shook her head. "You don't understand. _I'm_ the one that has to put me back together. Not you. Not anyone else. _Me_."

"Emma," Regina let the tears fall as she leaned forwards, her forehead brushing against Emma's. "Emma, please." Regina felt Emma's hot tears fall and mix with her own, as the blonde let forth a sob. Emma just stood there for several long minutes, letting the tears fall. Finally, as she felt the tears beginning to wane, the blonde took a deep breath and spoke.

"It'll be okay," Emma whispered. "I just- I need time. I know you want more from me- I know you want some sort of promise, but I can't give you anything else. I need some time to put myself back together first! Until then, you just have to let me live my life, in the way and manner that I see fit." Emma said as she pulled away. Regina's hands slid over Emma's damp cheeks as the blonde retreated.

"Emma," Regina's voice quavered. "Please."

"I'll call you," Emma said as she started walking away. Regina watched her go.

 _My love, I only want you next to me_  
 _Sweet love, how long before you hurt for me?_  
 _Hurt for me_

 _Will you hurt for me?_

* * *

When Emma walked into the Sheriff's station, to find David patiently waiting for her, Emma sighed. She noted how his eyes followed her as she walked to, and plopped down at her desk. Emma started pushing papers a little too vigorously around her desk, all the while, breathing heavily. She felt so many emotions welling up in her chest. She didn't know how to be around Regina. Part of her desperately wanted to take Regina up on her offer. But in order to do that, the brunette had to be able to offer more than she was capable of.

"Emma?" David's brow furrowed. "Is everything all right?"

"I don't want to talk about it," Emma said simply. "Let's just work, okay?"

Fifteen minutes later, after enduring several long sighs directed her way, and feeling David's eyes on her the entire time, Emma quickly pushed her chair back and stood up.

"You know what?" Emma huffed. "I'm taking the rest of the day off."

"What?" David said as he stood up. "Emma, what's wrong?"

"You," Emma said angrily. "You are all what's wrong! I'm sick of you guys looking at me like there's something _wrong_ with me." Emma took a deep breath. "I just don't have the patience to deal with this right now. I'm taking a vacation day."

"At least tell me where you're going!" David said as she put her coat on.

"Running," Emma said shortly. "I have my cell if you need me."

"Just be careful," David implored her. "There's a storm front coming in this afternoon." Emma didn't give any indication as to whether or not she heard him as she rushed out of the station.

* * *

Emma's running shoe encased foot hit the cool, darkened mud of the trail deep in the woods, indenting it slightly, before the motion of her other foot lifting ahead carried it forward. Until it too is indenting the pathway in front of it and the other leg is the one left behind. Step; indent; step; indent. Emma's feet made their way across the mud as Emma's mind followed the repeating undulations of her steps. Her heavy footfalls and breathing called out a cadence to anyone that could listen; that is, if anyone was around. But Emma is alone, and quite probably nearing the town line.

Emma could hear the occasional birdcall, or snapping twig, but her eyes could never seek out the source of the sound fast enough to uncover it. Every so often, the wind picked up and Emma could hear the rustling of the leaves around her. Sometimes, she could even see a leaf fluttering towards the forest floor, as it was momentarily suspended in the gusting wind.

Emma's heavy breaths filled the air as she thundered to a stop at a bend in the woods. She was momentarily faced with a choice, but hesitated. The left pathway would lead her back toward the road and her waiting car, the right, deeper into the woods. She could feel a storm coming; the temperature had dropped a good ten degrees since she set out an hour ago. But Emma wasn't nearly finished running. She was willing to force her body into submission if she had to. The only peace that she ever felt was when she did so. Emma took one last fleeting glance to the left, and set off to the right.

She'd run a good six miles already. At least, that was what her pedometer told her anyways. But it wasn't enough.

Emma set her feet into motion again. As she pressed further and further into the woods, Emma realized how much she liked this particular trail. The terrain was challenging and downright rocky in some places, but the view was spectacular. There were many places to either side of the trail where the ground seemingly fell away into nothing.

Emma ran until her legs hurt, and her body cried out for her to stop. Emma began to feel it in her legs the most, as large amounts of lactic acid built up in the muscles. Still, she didn't stop. Emma breathed heavily as she continued running, concentrating on the sound of her rasping breaths and footfalls on the trail. The cadence, however, wasn't as even as when she started out. She could hear the almost staggering, and staccato beat, as she continued pushing forwards.

At a curve in the trail, Emma glanced off to her right, and gasped as she noticed how the steep incline fell away almost immediately. A brief image of Cruella flying through the air abruptly surged through Emma's mind, seemingly catching her off guard. Emma didn't even have time to react, as her foot clipped a branch in the middle of the trail and Emma was sent tumbling forwards. She was thrown over the edge of the trail, and was sent hurtling down the incline. She rolled head over heels down the stiff incline, unable to even cry out as she tumbled over the rocky terrain. Emma braced herself as she prepared to hit the bottom, but it did little good. Near the bottom of the incline, Emma's head struck a rock with a sickening thud, and Emma was instantly plunged into blackness. Her body continued to tumble a good twenty or so feet further before it finally skidded to a stop, near a stream-bed at the bottom of the ravine.

Hours passed, morning turned into afternoon, and afternoon turned into night. Emma remained suspended in a restless and uneasy sleep, covered under a thin blanket of dirt and leaves. The sudden cold wracked her body with violent shivers as she was seemingly catapulted from one nightmare to the next. They were all horribly vivid and even though Emma tried to wake, she was forced to go through them all, never able to fully grasp onto consciousness. Finally, when the cold became too much, Emma jolted awake, her teeth chattering uncontrollably.

"Emma!" a disembodied voice spoke with some urgency. "Wake up! It's time to get up, love," Emma coughed, as she opened her eyes for the first time, her ribs throbbing at her side with every breath, every movement. But nothing was quite as awful as the pounding in her head. It felt like someone was drumming on the inside of her skull. Emma let out a groan, and screwed her eyes shut, willing herself to drift back into sleep, where it didn't hurt as much. "No," the accented voice said determinedly. "Come on, love. You can't go back to sleep. You'll freeze to death if you do."

"K-Killian?" Emma breathed, her stomach lurching.

"Yeah, love," he said gently in his irish accent, "It's me... Come on, you've gotta get up."

"Don't wanna," Emma breathed.

"No...No, don't do this, Emma," he pleaded.

"Why do you care?" Emma rasped.

"Because I love you," Killian said softly. "And I can't keep watching you do this to yourself anymore. I might be dead, but that doesn't mean that you have to be. You have to start _living_ again. Please. Please don't give up."

"Ugh," Emma moaned, as she felt around at her side with her hands, "everything hurts so much." The ground was warm compared to the icy air that had suddenly moved down into Storybrooke without hardly any warning.

Slowly, Emma reached up to where the pain was the worst. The splitting headache was centered on the right side of her head. Emma's shaking hand instantly encountered warm moisture, and Emma realized that she had, in fact, split her head open. In fact, it was still bleeding rather profusely. Emma listened carefully to the silence around her, trying to make sense of her surroundings. The sun was already dipping low in the sky, causing Emma to curse under her breath. She was badly hurt, and miles away from where she left her car. She also had no chance of navigating her way through the dark.

Emma let out another groan and rolled onto her side. She was so tired. It practically consumed her every thought. This need for sleep dwarfed almost everything else. Still, she fought.

"That's it, love," Killian said gently. "Keep moving." Slowly, Emma pulled her phone from her pocket. She hated the idea of calling for help, but she had no choice. She couldn't very well help herself in this state.

Emma gasped, as she looked around through blurred vision. "How in the hell am I going to ask for help? I don't even know where I am!"

"Just call someone," Killian told her. "Call them and they'll be able to trace your phone."

Emma cried out in exasperation, as she lifted her phone in front of her face, to find the screen shattered into many pieces. Her phone was essentially useless, and Emma realized that she couldn't call for help. She tossed it away from her and let out a gruff sigh.

Her brain was still sluggish, and Emma knew that she likely had a concussion. Her body didn't want to seem to follow her mind's commands, but she knew she needed to get moving.

She was going to freeze, if she was out in the cold air all night long. But she had no idea how she was supposed to make it to her car. Emma slowly tried to roll the rest of the way over, so that she could get to her hands and knees. But as she transferred her weight onto to her knees, a blinding pain surged up her left leg, and made Emma scream out as she instantly dropped back to the ground with a thud.

"No," Killian cried out again. "I know what you're thinking. Don't do it, Emma. Don't give up." But Killian's pleas went unheard.

Emma let out a deep breath and closed her eyes, feeling completely helpless. Maybe it wouldn't hurt to just sleep a little longer, she thought, as her breathing evened out once more, and Emma surrendered to the darkness.

* * *

As dusk fell, Regina settled in front of the back window to watch the first flakes of snow fall onto the grass in her backyard. It was still quite early in the fall for such weather, but a system had moved down from Northern Canada, causing the temperatures to plummet quickly. Regina let out a sigh and remembered what it had been like to watch Emma play in the snow with Henry last year. It pained her heart to think that she might never get to see anything like that again. Regina lifted her glass to her lips and took another sip, relishing the taste of the warm cider as it slipped over the back of her tongue and throat. Regina hummed softly in appreciation, closing her eyes.

Her reverie was broken, however, as a distant buzzing sound met her ears. Instantly, Regina turned away from the window and huffed, setting her glass on the table as she walked. She pushed into the kitchen, and plucked the phone up from its previous position on the island, instantly frowning when she saw Snow's picture on the display.

"Hello," Regina said impatiently.

"Regina?" Snow's distressed voice instantly sent a chill down Regina's spine. "I'm sorry to bother you, but I…I didn't know who else to call."

"What's wrong, Snow?" Regina asked, softening her tone somewhat.

"I…It's Emma," Snow told her, the woman's voice shaking. "David said she left work early to go running, but she never came home. We've called her several times, but her phone must be off because it keeps going straight to voicemail." Regina closed her eyes, lifting a hand to kneed at the muscles in her forehead.

"Do you know where she is?" Regina asked. "Have you found her car?"

"David just called me," Snow informed her. "He found her car at a trailhead near the edge of town, but it's so dark out there already. She'll never be able to navigate her way in the dark. I- I'm afraid something has happened. She might be hurt." Regina let out a shaking breath.

"I'm afraid of that, too," Regina admitted. "And we can't just risk her being out there all night. It… It's already below freezing."

"What do we do?" Snow said, between her tears.

"I'm going to call Miss Lucas," Regina said calmly. "She's good at tracking people. Hopefully, Ruby will be able to lead us right to her."

"David has already called some people in order to form a search party," Snow informed her, "But I think that bringing Ruby in on the operation is a good idea."

* * *

In less than an hour, Regina was rushing through the woods, with Ruby, David, Jake, Robin, and several others, with nothing to guide their way but the beam of a flashlight. Regina found herself getting impatient as the icy wind whipped around her face. If Emma were out here with no coat, the blonde would likely be hypothermic.

Ruby staggered to a stop at a fork in the path, her eyes searching the mud. "She went this way," Ruby said confidently as she rushed towards the right. Regina followed closely, shrugging out of Robin's grasp when he tried to put an arm around her to warm her. She was shivering, but his touch was unwanted. Right now, all she could think about was Emma. The blonde was possibly hurt and all alone. Time seemed to drag on and on as they hustled on.

Regina, with her mind momentarily drifting, slammed into the back of Ruby as the redhead skidded to a stop.

It was eerie being out in the woods like this. The leaves were rustling loudly, almost as if the trees were whispering.

"What?" Regina hissed, as she rubbed at her breastbone, with a sore expression on her face. "What is it, Ms. Lucas?"

"Something is wrong," Ruby spoke aloud to the small group. "The trail just stops here." Regina grabbed Robin's flashlight from his hand and stepped around Ruby, pointing the beam at the ground. Then, she saw something that made her heart slam to a halt in her chest.

"Oh no," David gasped, "She went over the side."

Regina didn't know what possessed her to do something so reckless, but she instantly rushed forwards, vaulting off of the trail as she followed the skid marks down the steep slope. She heard Robin call out for her from behind, but paid him no mind. As she slid, she made sure to keep her weight on her backside and upper thighs, just coasting down the incline. She could feel the cool dirt and mud through the denim of her jeans as she slid down, the flashlight barely lighting her pathway down. Regina let out a grunt as she skidded to a stop at the bottom. The flashlight tumbled from her grasp at the jarring motion. Slowly, Regina let out the breath she'd been holding.

"Emma?!" Regina cried out, her voice the only thing piercing the sudden silence. "Emma?! Love, are you down here?" Regina carefully climbed to her feet. She could hear water moving somewhere off to her right. Her feet crunched through a small sheen of frozen leaves as she moved to retrieve her flashlight. With a trembling hand, Regina picked up the flashlight, and turned towards the sound of the water. She promptly dropped it again in alarm, however, when the beam fell onto Emma's motionless form.

"Emma!" Regina let out an involuntary cry, as she rushed towards the blonde. Regina dropped to her knees on the icy ground, and gently turned Emma onto her back. Regina felt all of the air instantly sucked out of her lungs, as she saw the extent of the swelling the and the deep laceration on the side of the blonde's head. The right side of the blonde's face, and much of her shirt was covered in a thick crust of blood.

"Emma?" Regina's voice broke as she reached down to the blonde's neck. She silently prayed that she would feel a pulse. Thankfully, when her fingers pressed against the skin of the blonde's neck, she felt a push-back against her fingertips. Emma's heart was beating steadily. Regina's hand darted to Emma's cheek. There, she cradled the blonde's face, while she willed the blonde to open her eyes. The younger woman didn't open her eyes.

"Wake up, Emma," Regina implored her, her words heavy in emotion. "Oh god. You have to wake up, Darling," Regina said forcefully as she shook the body held in her arms. "I need you to wake up now." The blonde remained motionless, and Regina felt panic swell up inside of her. With her other hand, she could feel Emma's ribs protruding sharply from her side. "Please- Please don't do this to me."

Regina heard two distinct thuds behind her, and heard a voice behind her call out.

"Regina?!"

"Over here!" Regina called out as loudly as she could manage.

Jake and David quickly appeared at her side. "Damn," Jake breathed, "She must be absolutely freezing."

Jake quickly took off his own jacket and wrapped it around Emma, zipping up the thick coat. With a grunt he carefully lifted the blonde into his arms, and Regina silently envied him as she took in the way Emma's head lolled against his shoulder, as if the blonde were merely resting.

"Just a moment," Regina ordered him, as she rushed to close the distance between them. "It's all going to be okay, Emma," Regina reassured the blonde gently. With a trembling limb, Regina lifted her hand to Emma's head, and quickly cast a healing spell. The large bump on the side of Emma's head instantly shrunk. Emma murmured in her sleep, but didn't wake. Jake looked at Regina, then, and offered a grateful nod.

Regina let out a shuddering breath, and followed after them, though she wasn't sure how they were going to make it up the steep incline.

* * *

 _ **A/N: That's it for now! Please hit the review button on your way out!**_


	8. Aftermath

Title: Make it Without You  
Category: TV Shows » Once Upon A Time  
Author: Alwaysbringback-up  
Language: English, Rating: Rated: M (for language and sexual themes)  
Genre: Angst/General

 **Chapter 8: Aftermath**

 **Pairing: SwanQueen**

 _ **Disclaimer: I don't own any part of the OUAT universe. All characters belong to Adam and Eddie, the show's creators. I promise that my writing is done purely for recreational purposes only. No ill harm is intended.**_

 _ **A/N: Wow... Okay, so... It became very clear to me after reading the reviews of the last chapter that some of you guys vehemently detest Regina (i.e. that you think she's a b****) which gives me the sense that maybe I did too good of a job making her character fallible. This story really was supposed to have a SwanQueen endgame, but now I'm not so sure.**_

 _ **It was really hard to write this chapter, as I struggled to take in all of your feedback. I really do appreciate how vocal you guys were, as it helped me understand how you feel about this story as a whole. I guess, what I would like to know now, is whether you want this story to go the way I intended it to in the beginning (SQ), or if you would truly like Emma to wind up with Jake.**_

* * *

 ** _(Tuesday, June 18, 2015, 5:30p.m.)_**

 ** _(Flashback...)_**

 _"I think that that'll do it for me," Regina said with everyone's eyes on her, as she straightened the papers in front of her on the podium. "Would you like to add any further comments, Sheriff Swan?"_

 _During her many statements, when she'd addressed some of the more important issues facing Storybrooke and its citizens, Regina had purposely kept her eyes away from the blonde. After all, the blonde was extremely distracting. But now that the mayor was finished with all of her major talking points, she allowed her eyes to be drawn towards where she knew the blonde was standing. Regina felt a slight spike of alarm as she laid eyes on the blonde for the first time since the start of the council meeting. Emma was a ghostly pale._

 _"Sheriff Swan?" Regina softened her voice, while silently begging Emma to meet her gaze._

 _"Hmm?" Emma hummed, with a far off look in her eyes, as her eyes darted up from the floor. Every eye in the room was suddenly on the blonde. Emma began to feel even more overwhelmed, as she tried to anticipate the needs and expectations of everyone in attendance. She felt as if she were letting them all down, somehow. Emma visibly gulped, raking in a deep breath._

 _"Would you like to add anything further?" Regina questioned softly, as she gestured to the podium. Regina tried to soften her expression as she spoke slowly and clearly. For a fraction of a second, Emma feared Regina was singling her out, because she was displeased with the blonde in some way. The truth is, Emma had hardly listened to a word the brunette had said. No matter how hard she tried to focus, she found herself unable to do so. She'd been far too preoccupied with her own thoughts._

 _"Emma?" Regina looked genuinely concerned._

 _'Oh god,' Emma thought in a panic, as she pressed a hand to her middle. 'Breathe. Just breathe.' Emma felt her stomach traitorously lurch._

 _"I'm sorry. P-Please e-excuse me," Emma gasped as she abruptly took off down the aisle at a breakneck speed._

 _She could feel everyone's eyes on her as she practically sprinted for the exit. She felt like she was going to pass out. And she was sure that she would never live it down if that happened. She tried to ignore the way that Regina had looked at her - her eyes all full of genuine concern. She had imagined it, right? Regina couldn't possibly care. Emma pushed open the door leading out of the building and stumbled outside, with sweat pouring down her face._

 _After making it out the door, Emma veered immediately to the right. She thrust her arm out. Her hand slammed against the wall in an effort to steady her as she staggered down the walk. She could feel the brick scrape against the meaty flesh of her palm, chewing up the skin as she walked. Yet, she couldn't allow herself to be bothered by it. Her legs felt like they were about to give out on her at any moment, and, after a short distance, that is exactly what happened. Emma's knees gave out and she dropped down onto the concrete. She winced momentarily in pain, as her knees struck the concrete and the shock traveled up her legs. But one sensation was quickly abandoned for another. Emma began to crawl on all fours, but soon enough abandoned the effort altogether._

 _Emma gasped for breath, as her chest heaved up and down. Emma couldn't seem to catch her breath. She could feel the intense palpitations of her heart in her chest. It had all started with a flashback during the meeting. Emma just couldn't seem to calm her racing heart. Emma turned her back to the wall and pressed up against it, as if having her back against something solid could protect her from the feelings she was currently experiencing._

 _Emma lifted her palms to her eyes and pressed down as hard as she could, focusing on the resultant pain. She welcomed it. After all, the pain was the only thing that was constant. It had a definitive cause. Emma felt tears burn hotly in her eyes, as she struggled to merely breathe. Emma let her hands fall away. With a small thud, she let her head fall back against the cool brick of the wall behind her and closed her eyes._

 _She silently begged for mercy, even though she knew that it was still a long time coming. But the pain in her body, and in her mind, still made her wish for it. The pain she carried with her every day was becoming too much. After several long minutes, Emma still wasn't any better. In fact, she felt that much worse. Emma tried to push herself up from the ground, but failed. She hated feeling weak, and therefore, didn't want anyone to find her in her current state._

 _Emma closed her eyes and groaned as the door flew open, and Regina came rushing out. The brunette's head_ frantically _turned side to side, her eyes searching for Emma. Her gaze fell onto Emma with a small gasp of recognition. She looked genuinely concerned for Emma's wellbeing._

 _"Emma?" Regina breathed as she quickly rushed over. "Emma, hey, what's wrong?"_

 _'No' Emma gasped, letting out a near sob, as pain surged up in her chest. She didn't want Regina to see her like this. She would rather that Regina never saw her. She was a mess- past the point of breaking- and Emma didn't know how to fix it._

 _"I-I'm sorry," Emma said breathlessly, with sweat pouring down her face and tears building in her eyes. Emma's chest heaved up and down, but the blonde still felt as if she were starved for oxygen. It didn't seem to matter how many breaths the blonde took, she was constantly out of breath. Her lungs desperately raked for oxygen, but they couldn't seem to pull enough oxygen from the air._

 _Regina instantly dropped down onto her knees in front of the blonde - not caring that she would likely ruin her stockings in doing so. Reflexively, she reached out for Emma's wrist. Her fingers expertly found the pulse point. It was almost as if she'd done it many times before, but Emma knew that she hadn't. "I'm s-so s-sorry," Emma said while breathing heavily. She was hyperventilating, and was feeling even more faint because of it._

 _"Shh," Regina quieted her. "Shh… It's okay, Emma."_

 _"My heart is… racing," Emma gasped. "I-I can't- can't stop it." Regina nodded, her eyes darting down to her watch, in order to count the frantic beats of Emma's heart. Regina frowned, as she realized that she could barely keep up with the beats of Emma's heart. She couldn't seem to count quickly enough. Emma's heart was beating so fast, Regina couldn't help but think that the blonde might as well be running a wind-sprint._

 _"God," Emma groaned, "It feels like I'm dying. Am I- am I dying?"_

 _"No," Regina shook her head. "You're not dying. Everything is going to be okay, Emma. I promise."_

 _"Everything just feels like its racing out of control," Emma whimpered._

 _"I know," Regina said as she looked up to see the panic in Emma's eyes. "I know it does. In fact, it probably feels like you're going to pass out," Regina told her. "But I promise you, that you're not going to. It's going to be okay, Emma. You're just having a panic attack. Just know- that you're safe. I promise. I'm here with you, and you're perfectly safe."_

 _"Why are you doing this?" Emma asked in-between gasping breaths. "Why are you helping me? It's dangerous for you to be seen with me like this. Someone might think something is going on."_

 _"You think I care about that?" Regina answered her. "I care about you, Emma. I care about you more than you will ever know. I can't bear to see you suffer like this."_

 _"Regina," Emma said in a sob, as the first tears escaped._

 _"Shh," Regina said as she reached up to Emma's face, her hands sliding over Emma's cheeks. "Shh," Regina spoke calmly. "I know," Regina said as she leant forwards, her lips meeting Emma's softly in a searing kiss. Emma's eyes fluttered closed, her breathing evening out gradually, as she focused of the sensation of Regina's lips on hers. Regina was her anchor, and Emma was suddenly incredibly grateful for the brunette's presence._

 _As the kiss broke, Emma followed after her, desperate to keep a hold on her. Emma took in a hungry breath, and kissed Regina again. Regina moaned softly into the kiss. She would never be able to tell Emma just how much the blonde's touch meant to her. Emma was just as equally her lifeline, as Regina was hers. Emma breathed heavily through her nose as she kissed Regina. Slowly, Emma's breaths began to even out._

 _"That's it," Regina whispered, "That's it, dear. Just breathe with me. Match your breathing to mine. It's all going to be okay. I promise."_

 _"I'm sorry," Emma apologized. "I'm really sorry if I ruined the meeting."_

 _"It's okay," Regina said with an understanding look in her deep brown eyes. "You didn't ruin anything, Emma. I promise."_

 _"I..." Emma spoke between ragged breaths._

 _"Emma, you don't have to be sorry. Believe me! I know what it's like, to feel like your world is about to implode." Regina took a breath. "Do- Do you want to talk about what caused it?"_

 _"I…" Emma swallowed, not sure if she could talk about it. "I had a flashback to...to when I…"_

 _"When you were the Dark One?" Regina finished for her. Emma nodded. Emma's breaths continued to sound heavily in the air between them._

 _"Yeah," Emma shuddered, "And I couldn't…" Another sob broke its way free. "I mean… I tortured people. I **hurt** people I cared about, and I don't know how I'm ever supposed to be able to forgive myself for that. God how can- how can you even look at me?"_

 _"Emma," Regina said as she grabbed hold of Emma's face once more, coaxing the blonde to look into her deep chocolate eyes. Gently, Regina began stroking the side of Emma's face in a comforting gesture. "The person that did those things was **not** you. Yes, the darkness took your face for a time, but it was **not** you. It's why I fought so hard to get you back." Regina told her before capturing Emma's lips in an almost hungry, urgent kiss. "This," Regina punctuated with another kiss, "This is you. This is the Emma I fell in love with- the one that feels such love for other people that she is willing to do anything and everything in order to protect them." Regina's eyes shimmered, as the brunette let herself get worked up by the emotions behind her words. Emma let out another shaking breath._

 _"For a while I thought that you honestly gave up on me," Emma confessed, "But you never did give up on me, did you? You were there the whole time. You fought against me, and stood against me when no one else could. You were the only one strong enough to stop me."_

 _"How could I?" Regina asked honestly, her voice breaking, "How could I give up on you, when you never… **not** **once** … gave up on me? I loved you, Emma. And although I may have been fighting against you for a time," Regina said passionately, "I assure you that I was fighting **for** **you** the whole time."_

 _"I know," Emma's voice cracked. "You became the Savior in my place, Regina. Hell, you… You became my Savior." Regina shook her head. Emma would never know how much Emma's words meant to her._

 _"I'm just sorry about everything. I tried **so** **hard** to fight the darkness," Emma whispered, "but I wasn't strong enough."_

 _"But **we** were, Emma," Regina told her. " **Together** **we're** **always** **strong** **enough**."_

 _"How can you be so cool about this whole thing? I- I destroyed half of the freaking town," Emma said between quavering breaths._

 _"Nothing was damaged that cannot be easily repaired or replaced," Regina argued. "I promise it's going to be okay. It'll get better, Emma." Emma nodded._

 _"Come on," Regina said as she retreated, dropping Emma's hand briefly, as she pushed herself to her feet. She quickly offered Emma her hand. Tentatively, the blonde accepted, sliding her hand into Regina's. Regina threaded their fingers together and carefully tugged Emma to her feet. Emma let out a gasp as she immediately felt Regina's arms wrap around her. Emma let out a quavering breath as she returned the fierce embrace. As Emma pulled back, Regina reached out, her hand lifting Emma's gaze towards her own. She grasped Emma's chin between her thumb and forefinger, guiding Emma's lips towards her own with a gentle pressure. The sharp intake of breath that left them both as their lips collided, should have been telling._

 _The kiss was extremely gentle, languid and fluid. Regina moaned softly against Emma's lips. Eventually, the kiss came to an end, although they both attempted to prolong it. However, they needed to be careful as to who saw them._

 _"Come on," Regina ordered._

 _"Where are we going?" Emma asked softly._

 _"You're sick," Regina said softly, "I'm taking you home to get some rest."_

 _The drive home to Emma's house seemed to take an eternity. Neither one of them was willing to break the silence. It was growing dark outside, and the lights of the town were coming on one by one. Emma reclined the front seat slightly and turn her head to look out of the passenger side window. She leant forward, pressing her warm skin to the cool glass. She let out a sigh at the relief that the cool glass gave her as it alleviated some of the heat of her forehead. Emma closed her eyes. She felt so vulnerable under Regina's inspection. She could feel Regina's eyes on her periodically and it threatened to steal the breath from her lungs. The air between the two of them was thick, and part of Emma wanted to just tell Regina the truth. But then, the part of Emma that was afraid kept her from doing so. Admitting it to Regina, saying the words out loud made it all more real._

 _I_ _f she would have been thinking logically, she would have remembered that admitting something had happened, was the only true way to move on and to accept it. But so many things were holding her back. Somehow, over the last month, Emma had managed to convince herself that Regina couldn't possibly care about her as deeply as she cared about the brunette._

 _And so there she was in Regina's passenger seat, trying to feign sleep in order to avoid the truth. She breathed in and out, fogging up the glass on the window. Regina meanwhile, had no idea of the internal struggle going on in Emma's mind. She had no clue as to the true agony that Emma was putting herself through each and every day. And if she had, Regina's heart would have been ripped out long ago with the pain of it all. Instead, she remained wonderfully ignorant. She gripped the wheel tightly, stealing worried glances of the Sheriff, her heart pounding in her chest. Emma looked pale, and it was hard for Regina to see her this way. Emma typically looked so strong, so untouchable, but clearly, whatever was plaguing Emma was winning at the moment._

 _"Emma?" Regina asked calmly._

 _"Mmm?" Emma moaned sleepily._

 _"We're here, love," Regina said softly as she turned off the engine. Emma didn't move. She was too damned tired. Regina gave the blonde's hand a squeeze and got out of the driver's side. She walked around to the other side and pulled the door open. Emma's head jerked back, and her eyes abruptly blinked open. With a frown Regina bent down and unbuckled Emma. She began to breathe a little shallower, as she smelled the Sheriff's intoxicating scent. "Come on," Regina whispered as she helped Emma out of the car. Emma's arm curled loosely around Regina's waist as the brunette walked her up to the front door. Emma leant against the wall, barely holding herself up._

 _"Emma," Regina said with flushed cheeks, "Where's your key?"_

 _"Front left side pocket," Regina practically gulped as she realized what she was going to have to do. With trembling fingers, Regina stuck her fingertips into Emma's pocket, trying to ignore the moan that escaped unconsciously from the blonde's lips. For a heart stopping moment Regina froze. After she regained her calmness, Regina trapped the key between her index and middle finger and pulled it out. Slowly, she put the key in the lock and opened the door, helping Emma inside._ _By the time Regina hung the coats on the hook by the door, Emma had fled for the bathroom. Regina cringed as she heard Emma retching violently. Her heart broke just a little bit as she heard the broken moans coming in-between. Regina rushed for the bathroom, dropping to her knees beside the broken looking woman. With gentle, soothing motions, Regina gathered up Emma's hair and held it away from her face. She could see the sweat and tears seeping from Emma's eyes as wave after wave of nausea hit her. Regina rubbed her back, trying to coax everything out so that they wouldn't have to do this again. She tried to relax the aching muscles in Emma's arched back._

 _"Shh," Regina breathing in Emma's ear, "It's okay, love. Just get it all out. It's going to be okay." The words themselves made Emma want to cry all over again. Regina was being so kind, so gentle, and so loving that Emma felt like an awful person for not telling her the truth. But how could she? Finally, the vomiting stopped, as there was nothing left to come up. Emma scooted away from the toilet bowl, unknowingly pressing back against Regina. This time, it was Regina who moaned, unable to stop the noise from escaping. Emma sighed._

 _"Emma," Regina whispered softly. Regina closed her eyes as Emma's head dropped back on her shoulder. Regina wrapped her arms around the burning, exhausted, woman that she loved and just held her. Emma snuggled into Regina's arms, wanting to stay there forever. She'd never felt so comforted in all of the months she'd been going through this. It was almost enough to take the pain away, although however temporary. "Come on," Regina said after they stayed like that for about 20 minutes, which was a long time, but it felt like nothing. "Let's get you to bed." Regina stood up, before bending back down. She slipped one arm under Emma's back and another under Emma's legs and with a strained effort picked her up from the floor. Emma was silently impressed as Regina walked her to the bedroom and set her down on the bed. Emma watched in fascination as the mother in Regina took over and she walked over to the dresser, pulling out a t-shirt and boy shorts, as well as pajama bottoms. Regina walked back over and set them on the bed next to Emma._

 _"Arms up," Regina ordered finally. For a long moment, Emma just stared into Regina's stunning, chocolate brown eyes, as if she hadn't understood the request. "Emma, I need you to lift up your arms."_

 _"You do know that I'm not a five year old, don't you?" Emma asked with raised brows, "I mean- I can dress myself."_

 _"Humor me," Regina said she stared Emma down. Emma looked reluctant for a long moment, then the fatigue returned and she realized that she might, in fact, need Regina's help. Ever so slowly, Emma complied and lifted up her arms. Regina, using all of her self-control, reached for the hem of Emma's shirt and pulled it over the blonde's head. She made sure to look anywhere but forwards as she replaced the shirt with the fresh one from Emma's dresser. As soon as she tugged the shirt into place, Emma's upper body dropped backwards onto the mattress. Regina's heart was pounding so loudly by this point that she was afraid that Emma could hear it. Luckily, Emma's eyes were closed. Without hesitation, Regina reached for the button of Emma's jeans. Carefully, inch-by-inch she tugged them off before discarding them on the floor. Regina's stomach felt like it was stuck in her throat as her eyes raked in all of the flawless muscular skin that made up Emma's toned thighs. She nearly choked on her own air. Regina squeezed her eyes shut, deciding that she deserved an award for this. She wanted so desperately to touch Emma, but resisted. For a long moment, Regina stared into the carpet at her feet as she contemplated what she had to do next. Nope. She couldn't go there. It was only asking for trouble. Besides, Emma could deal with wearing the same underwear for one night. With another deep breath Regina grabbed Emma's pajama pants and slipped her feet through each side. She started to pull them on Emma until she reached her hips._

 _"Emma," Regina tried to keep her voice, as even as she could, "I need you to lift up for me."_

 _"Mmm?" Emma whined._

 _"Lift your hips up for me," Regina requested again. This time Emma complied and Regina was able to secure the pajama bottoms around Emma's hips with a tug. Regina helped Emma under the covers. Emma tried to burrow underneath all of them, but Regina kept her from doing so._

 _"I'm cold," Emma complained as a violent shiver caused her body to shake._

 _"I know," Regina nodded brushing the hair out of Emma's face. "You have a fever, Emma. And so burrowing under all of those blankets is only going to make it go higher." Regina looked around. "Do you have a thermometer in the house somewhere?"_

 _"Somewhere," Emma muttered sleepily. "But I don't know where."_

 _"What about some Tylenol?" Regina asked._

 _"Maybe in the cabinet, in my bathroom," Emma answered._

 _"Okay," Regina nodded, "You rest for a while. I'll be right back." Emma murmured some sort of sleepy response and Regina watched as Emma's breathing evened out. Regina walked into the bathroom and looked in the cupboard. She rummaged around, unable to find a thermometer or regular Tylenol. Her brow furrowed as her eyes raked over several pill bottles. She picked one up and locked at it. Promethezine? Regina set it back down. And closed the cupboard. It looked like she was going to have to run down to the corner grocery store, although she really didn't want to leave Emma in her current state. Regina moved quickly as she scribbled a note, and grabbed Emma's key from the counter._

 _It took her about 20 minutes to get everything she needed. She got some ginger ale, Tylenol, chicken noodle soup, some crackers, and a thermometer. She walked back into a silent house. She slipped off her coat and hung it up before kicking off her shoes. She poured out some ginger ale and a couple Tylenol and made her way to Emma's bedroom. Emma was thrashing in the sheets, whimpers coming from her lips. Regina quickly set down the glass on the bedside table and sat down on the bed next to Emma. Her hands shook the blonde gently._

 _"Emma," Regina spoke softly, trying to wake her "Wake up, dear. It's just a dream." Emma, however, wasn't waking up. She continued to mutter things under her breath that Regina couldn't quite make out. Regina quickly brushed her hand across Emma's cheek. Regina thought it impossible but Emma had gotten even warmer. Quickly she rushed for what she could only guess was the linen closet, and pulled a washcloth from it. Her heart wouldn't stop pounding as she drenched it in cool water and rung it out. Without breathing, Regina sat down next to Emma, one hand framing the blonde's face while the other dabbed away at what could only be described as flaming skin. After a few minutes, of trying to rouse her, Emma's eyes blinked open and her body relaxed. Regina could tell that Emma was lethargic. Emma let out another groan before closing her eyes. Regina's heart melted a little. Regina reached out, brushing Emma's sopping bangs from her eyes._

 _"You think you can keep some Tylenol down?" Regina asked, "Emma, we have to try something." Picking up the glass from the bedside table, Regina looked deep into Emma's eyes, sizing the woman up for the challenge. Emma finally nodded, and Regina helped the blonde into a seated position, before handing her the glass and Tylenol. Emma put the tablets in her mouth and took a sip to force them down. She took a few more small sips and handed Regina the glass._

 _"Thank you," Emma said finally, grabbing the hand in Regina's lap and giving it a squeeze._

 _"Anything for you," Regina replied honestly. "Now go back to bed. I'll be on the couch if you need me." Regina stood up and switched off the lamp. She was almost to the door when Emma's voice had her freezing in her tracks._

 _"Stay." Regina turned around. Emma's green eyes found Regina's dark chocolate ones. "Please." Regina's heart started beating faster. How could Emma know? Regina took a step closer._

 _"You sure?" Regina asked, trying to keep her voice even. Emma nodded._

 _"The bed is big enough for both of us," Emma answered, "And frankly, I don't feel like being alone tonight." Regina didn't need to hear anything more. Within seconds she was climbing into the empty side of Emma's bed, breathing in the blonde's scent as she settled into the pillow. They were asleep almost instantly._

 _Emma woke up only a few minutes before her alarm started going off. She froze as she realized how close she was to Regina. Her fever had broken over the course of the night, and so now she could feel the heat coming from the body next to her. Slowly, without breathing Emma detangled her limbs from the blankets she had kicked off over the course of the night, and rolled over to turn the alarm clock off before it went off. Regina felt the shift of the mattress and her eyes opened. Slowly she rolled onto her side, just in time to come face to face with the blonde._

 _"Hey," Regina gasped, her hand reaching up to press against Emma's cheek._

 _"Hey," Emma whispered._ _"You stayed," Emma spoke with a tinge of amazement in her voice._

 _"Of course," Regina nodded. "But I should get back. Robin is probably wondering where I am."_

 _"Oh," suddenly that vacant look was back in Emma's eyes again. "Right. Of course."_

 _"Emma," Regina's voice was apologetic._

 _"It's…It's okay," Emma swallowed. "Thank you for taking care of me."_

 _Regina reached out to pull Emma in for a kiss, but felt herself unexpectedly wrenched backwards and away from the blonde._

* * *

 _(Thursday, October 15th, 2015, 4:43a.m.)_

 _Storybrooke General Hospital Waiting Room_

 _Storybrooke, Maine_

"Mom," Henry's voice, pulled her from the memory. "Mom, wake up!"

Regina's eyes flickered open, in alarm. A gasp fell from her lips, as her eyes were suddenly met with the intrusive, bright, blinding lights of the waiting room. For a moment she was disoriented. One moment she had been in Emma's bed with the blonde, and the next? Clearly Regina was not with Emma. Everything quickly came back to her. Regina let out a shuddering breath as she remembered. She was at the hospital. Emma was in bad shape. Regina tried desperately not to the feel the pain that was threatening to swallow her whole. Regina reached up to her eyes, rubbing at the tears that were suddenly threatening to escape.

"Mom," Henry said softly, persistently.

"I'm awake, dear," Regina murmured in a deep voice.

"I know, but…" Henry persisted, with another squeeze of her hand, "Are you okay?"

Regina shook her head, and blinked a few times, silently wondering how much time had passed. As her mind sought an answer to that question, her eyes darted to the clock. A spurt of breath escaped her lips, as she realized the amount of time that had actually passed. She'd been sleeping for quite some time. Regina turned her head towards the doorway, groaning as the muscles in her neck protested at the motion. Regina's hand darted up to the back of her neck, where her fingers immediately began a careful and meticulous massage of the muscles there. When she was finished soothing the sore muscles, Regina let out a sigh and leant forwards, placing her hands on her knees.

"I think Doctor Whale is coming over here," Henry said finally, drawing her attention.

Reflexively, Regina's head turned and she saw Dr. Whale walking towards them, looking tired. He was, in fact, coming over to talk to them. Regina stood up quickly, walking towards the man. Henry was right behind her.

"How is she?" Regina couldn't keep her voice from quavering.

"Well," he said quietly. "She's doing about as well as can be expected." Regina took a step forwards.

"What does that mean?" Jake asked, as he instantly appeared beside her.

"Well," Dr. Whale began uneasily, "We had to give Emma a transfusion in order to combat her blood loss. We also noticed that the levels of calcium and potassium in Emma's blood were alarmingly low. Emma is lucky to be alive. Extreme hypokalemia can result in cardiac arrest, if it goes unchecked." Regina let out a shuddering breath. "But luckily we caught it before it became life threatening."

"What about her injuries?" Jake questioned.

"Emma's CT indicates that she suffered a moderate concussion," Dr. Whale spoke. "Regina was able to heal the more substantial injury to the cranium, but unfortunately, Emma's still got to work her way out of the traumatic brain injury."

"What does that mean?" Henry asked.

"Well," Dr. Whale cleared his throat. "Okay…uh- How do I explain this?"

"You're the doctor for god's sake," Regina huffed, "You figure it out!"

"Okay," Whale sighed. "Well, the body has a sort of an off switch in times of extreme duress. Emma suffered severe trauma in several ways. She was exposed to cold for an extended period, she suffered significant blood loss, and she sustained actual physical trauma. In order to protect and preserve the rest of her body, other parts of her body had to shut down. And now that Emma has finally stabilized, Emma's body has to work itself out of that state. It has to… wake itself up again." Dr. Whale glanced down at her chart.

"Besides the head injury, what other injuries were there?" David asked.

"Oh," Whale cleared his throat, "She also suffered a compound fracture of the lower limb below the knee, and some deep tissue bruising around the ribs. She should be fine once she comes out of the coma. But I want to keep her under for the time being, in order to give her body some time to heal."

"Will she need surgery?" Jake asked worriedly.

"That depends," Dr. Whale hedged, "I set her leg for the time being, but Emma will likely need surgery in order to install stabilizing hardware."

"I can help with that," Regina shook her head, "I mean... I can heal Emma's leg, and any other injuries that she might have. I just need some time to rest, before attempting to do so. Healing her head injury really took it out of me, but I'm better now."

"Are you sure?" Dr. Whale asked as he looked to her. Regina nodded.

"Then she should make a full recovery," Dr. Whale spoke, "and be out of here in no time."

"Can I see her?" Regina asked. Whale met her eyes and nodded.

* * *

As Regina stepped into the darkness of Emma's room, she used the beeping to steady her footsteps. At the first sight of Emma, her breath caught in her throat, and she was sure that in that moment her heart stopped beating as well. Emma lay tangled in a sea of wires, looking so fragile and small. It was hard to process what she was looking at. She was so used to seeing Emma so strong and full of life. Not like this. The hospital bed seemed to threaten to swallow her whole. Regina tried to keep her eyes from searching for what she knew they would. There was a bag of blood, as well as a bag of saline hanging from the I.V. pole, and snaking down into Emma's arm.

Regina's eyes fell onto Emma's face. Large purple bags adorned the space beneath the blonde's eyes. Regina slowly walked towards the bed, and sat down, her hand immediately seeking out Emma's. A substantial amount of bruising covered Emma's arms, and Regina suspected, the rest of her body. She still felt Emma was beautiful, and knew every feature that lay underneath the vast amount of swelling and deep purple bruises, but it was hard to look at. She had driven Emma further and further away, and she knew that she was partially responsible for what happened. She loved Emma so much, but all she ever seemed to do was cause the blonde unbearable pain. Regina felt a sob break its way free from the back of her throat.

"I'm so sorry," Regina said as she leaned forwards, burrowing her face in the juncture between Emma's neck and shoulder. "I love you. I love you so much, Emma," Regina hiccuped. "You really scared the hell out of me this time."

"Mom?" Henry's voice forced her to pull away. "Mom, are you okay?" Regina pulled back, wiping at the tears on her cheeks.

"No," Regina admitted. "Not by a long shot."

"She'll be okay, right?" Henry said calmly.

"I…I don't know," Regina said with a shake of her head.

"Can I ask you something?" Henry spoke up after a minute's silence.

"Of course, dear," Regina said softly. "What is it?"

"Please don't be mad at me, okay? But… is there something going on between the two of you?" Henry asked as he stepped further into the room. Regina couldn't stop the look of panic that took over her usually stoic expression. "There is, isn't there?"

"Henry…" Regina hated how her voice cracked. "I…"

"You love her?" Henry asked, his eyes meeting Regina's. Regina opened her mouth to reply, but couldn't. However, Regina managed a single, resolute nod.

"And all this time I thought it was just wishful thinking…. I was afraid I was imagining it, because I wanted for it to be true so badly." Henry said, as he took in the way Regina's hand still held Emma's in hers.

"You do?" Regina asked, her eyes widening it in alarm.

"Of course I do," Henry said as if it were obvious. "I mean, my two moms together? Well, it's kind of perfect. And I've never cared much for Robin, if I'm being honest." Henry spoke honestly. "I just wanted you to be happy, so I- I acted like I did." Henry shrugged.

"Henry," Regina exhaled, clearly stunned by his honesty. Henry looked forlorn, as a sob tore it's way past Regina's throat.

"What's wrong?" Henry asked. "Why are you still so sad? I thought you'd be happy."

"Because- I ruined the best thing in my life - the only thing, apart from you, that truly mattered," Regina said with another sob. "I've lost her."

"Oh, mom," Henry said as he rushed forwards and wrapped his arms around her. "I'm sure that's not true."

"It is," Regina cries against him. "I hurt her, Henry. I _really_ really hurt her."

"It's gonna be okay," Henry reassured her. "Because I'm going to help you win her back. But you need to end things with Robin, first." Regina nodded, and pulled Henry even closer, threatening to crush him with the ferocity of the embrace.

* * *

 _ **A/N: Okay. So that's it for now! Please review or PM me! I really would like to know what direction you'd like me to go from here. It would be a lot easier to keep this a SQ story, as that was what was initially written. But I'm willing to change it, if all of you feel strongly about it.**_


	9. Hold the Line

Title: Make it Without You  
Category: TV Shows » Once Upon A Time  
Author: Alwaysbringback-up  
Language: English, Rating: Rated: M (for language and sexual themes)  
Genre: Angst/General

 **Chapter 9: Hold the Line**

 **Pairing: SwanQueen**

 _ **Disclaimer: I don't own any part of the OUAT universe. All characters belong to Adam and Eddie, the show's creators. I promise that my writing is done purely for recreational purposes only. No ill harm is intended.**_

 _ **A/N: I was quite overwhelmed at how many people gave me feedback after the last chapter. I seriously didn't know that there were that many of you reading this story, so thank you! I feel much better now!**_

* * *

 _(Sunday, October 18th, 2015; 9:15p.m.)_

 _Storybrooke General Hospital_

 _Storybrooke, Maine_

"And so you see, Ma," Henry's voice filled the dimly lit room, as he lifted his quill to the pages of his blank storybook. "Love is the most powerful force of all. It can overcome any obstacle." Henry paused, lifting his head, giving Regina a pointed look. "Sometimes, life tears us down and rips us apart. But love can _always_ put us back together again."

They were over fifty-six hours in and Emma was still as lifeless as when she'd been brought in. It was driving Regina almost sick with guilt and worry.

"I'm making you this promise. We're going to make you whole again," Henry promised. "I know that your time as the Dark One was hard on your spirit. But if anyone can pull through, it's you. I love you, Ma."

Regina met Henry's eyes, a grateful smile on her lips. She felt so unbelievably proud of the man her son had become. He still had the heart of the truest believer. Regina was glad to have finally told him how she felt. At first, she was afraid that he would be disappointed in her. She was afraid that he wouldn't understand. But Henry seemed to understand that love was much more complicated than fairytales often made it seem. Hell, it still amazed Regina whenever she thought about it.

Somehow, two people who once were sworn enemies had become lovers. She credited Emma with doing much of the initial work. After all, the blonde had broken down many of her barriers. She had taken away the thing that meant the most to her, and then had willingly given him back to her. She'd made Regina believe that there was good inside of her. She'd believed in Regina when no one else would. And when Regina let herself be vulnerable around the blonde, the woman didn't try to discount her feelings. She simply offered Regina a shoulder to lean on. Over the last several years, the blonde had saved her in every way imaginable. And, as if that wasn't enough, she'd promised Regina she would help get her her happy ending. Then, she actually followed through on that promise, sacrificing herself for the brunette.

Regina looked towards the door as a knock sounded and the door was pushed open. Regina abruptly got to her feet as Robin hovered in the doorway, looking hesitant.

"Henry?" Regina whispered as she met her son's eyes. "I'm just going to run out to get some coffee. Is that all right?"

"It's okay, mom," Henry replied. "Go ahead." Regina took a long look at Emma's still form and let out a shaky breath, before walking towards the door. She gave Robin a weak smile as she slipped past him in the doorway. She took extra care not to brush against him, but couldn't escape it completely. Silently, he led the way down the hall to the visitor's lounge.

"Hey," he greeted as he stepped inside. Regina stiffened as she found herself enveloped in a hug. She weakly returned it and quickly pulled away.

"Hi," Regina replied as she fleetingly met his blue eyes. He let out a sigh of defeat, as she turned away from him and walked over to the coffee pot in order to get some fresh coffee.

"I just wanted to stop by and see how you were," Robin spoke.

"We're doing okay," Regina lied. "Things have been a little tense. It's been hard waiting for her to wake up. But we've just been keeping Emma company."

"I was just wondering if you were coming home tonight," Robin asked her. He watched her clumsily tear open a sugar packet and dump it into her coffee. She picked up a coffee stirrer and placed it in the dark brown liquid before quickly moving it in clockwise circles around her coffee cup.

"I...I don't think so," Regina said as she looked up to meet his eyes.

"Oh," Robin sighed. "It's just that you've practically been living here for the last few days. Don't you want to sleep in your own bed?"

"I'm sorry," Regina, murmured quietly, her expression tinged with guilt, "I just want to stay close in case they need me. Emma still hasn't woken and I… I worry about what that means."

"It's okay," Robin replied. Although, it was obvious that they both knew that things weren't really okay. Something was clearly different between them. A chasm had opened up between the two of them these last few months. "I understand," he said, playing the part of the supportive boyfriend. "Is there anything I can do? Do you need me to bring anything from home for you?"

"Robin," Regina began, her voice tired and weary. "I really appreciate the offer, but I'm okay. If there's anything I need, I can just transport it from home."

"Right. I forgot that you have magic. Okay," Robin muttered. "Well I'll see you at home then."

"Please don't be angry with me," Regina murmured softly.

"I'm not," Robin spoke reassuringly, as he walked over and sat down on the couch. "I guess I just can't help but feel as if there is something you're not telling me."

"I…" Regina hesitated as she lowered herself onto the couch next to him. "I think that maybe we need to have a serious talk, but this hardly seems like the time or place."

Robin nodded, and stood up. "Okay. Maybe we can have that talk when you come back home."

"Of course," Regina agreed. "Could you do me a favor and take Henry home for me?" Regina asked. "It's past his bedtime and he has school in the morning."

"Sure," Robin nodded. "Please give my best to Emma when she wakes up." Regina let out a sigh as she watched him walk away.

As she was left alone, Regina looked down into her cup, letting herself get lost in the dark brown liquid. She let out a sigh. Then, she took a tentative sip of her steaming cup of coffee, and slowly got to her feet. She walked down the hallway just in time to press a kiss to Henry's forehead as he scurried out the door of Emma's room, with his bag slung over his shoulder.

"I'll see you in the morning, dear," Regina said as she gave him a hug. "Be good for Robin. Sleep well."

"I will. Take care of Ma for me," Henry implored her. Regina didn't trust herself to speak as tears built in her eyes, and so she just nodded.

Regina walked back to Emma's room and let herself inside, cracking the door shut behind her. She was starting to feel quite tired and wanted the privacy. Slowly she crossed the room, and sat down in the chair that Henry had vacated upon his departure. It was still warm. Regina kicked off her heels, bringing her legs up on to the chair with a gentle sigh. Slowly, she kneaded her fingers over the sore muscles in her calf. Regina hummed gently into the silence. After working all of the knots out of her muscles, Regina let her feet fall back to the floor. Regina grabbed a spare blanket and wrapped it around her shoulders snuggly. She hated feeling cold, and the hospital clearly kept its thermostat too low.

Regina hesitated for a moment, but ultimately gave into her desire and reached for Emma's hand. All was quiet in the room, apart from the steady beat of the heart monitor. The silence was broken, however, as the door was pushed open with a soft creak. Regina flinched and instantly pulled her hand away, as the door suddenly swung open, briefly illuminating the room in grays and oranges. Before long, however, the door was shut and the room was plunged into relative darkness again. Regina looked towards the door to see Jake walking in with a bouquet of flowers clutched in his hand. He set them on the sill by the window, and Regina let out a sigh. She had really hoped for some time alone with the blonde, but couldn't fault Jake for wanting to spend time with her as well.

"Hi," he smiled sheepishly. "Sorry. I meant to come by sooner, but work was crazy."

As he walked over towards the bed, Regina gave him an almost pathetic attempt at a smile, but he didn't seem to notice. He walked quietly across the room sat down in a chair across the bed from her.

"Hi," Regina greeted. "I'm surprised you came. It's past visiting hours."

"I called in a favor with hospital security," Jake said with genuine warmth. "They owed me one from a case I worked last year." Regina just nodded.

"How is she?" he asked in a whisper. "I tried checking in with the hospital staff during the day, but they wouldn't tell me anything over the phone."

"Still no change," Regina replied softly. "She hasn't woken up yet. Dr. Whale doesn't seem worried though. He just says that it might take some time. The good news is that they did an EEG and her brain waves are normal."

"That's good," Jake said with genuine relief.

"Mmhmm," Regina hummed.

"Have you been with her all day?" Jake asked curiously.

"I left to run a few errands and get some food," Regina replied, "But I've been here most of the day. Yes."

"Listen, Regina… You and I haven't really gotten a chance to talk, but I just wanted to say thank you for everything you've done. You staying here with her, it means a lot to me, and I'm sure Emma would feel the same way."

"You're welcome," Regina replied, "But I should tell you that I have my own selfish reasons for wanting to be here. I care about Emma a lot."

"I can sort of tell," Jake smiled. "I mean, you two are good friends, right? I…I know that we haven't been dating for long, but I can tell that Emma thinks highly of you." Regina let out a long sigh.

"I don't know why," Regina replied honestly. Regina fought back a yawn, but Jake seemed to notice.

"Hey, are you tired?" Jake asked. "Because the couch in the visitors lounge is surprisingly comfortable if you want to go in there and lay down for a while."

"Will you stay with her?" Regina asked. "I…I just don't want her to be alone, in case she wakes up."

"I'll stay with her," Jake promised. "Then, we can trade off in a few hours, if you'd like."

"Thank you," Regina said gratefully. She was exhausted.

* * *

 _(Sunday, October 18th, 2015; 11:38p.m.)_

The first awareness Emma had of consciousness was less than pleasant. Her mind was still not working the way she was used to, and her head pounded uncomfortably. It was like waking up the day after a night of heavy drinking. Her throat was dry and sore. It felt like a piece of sandpaper was lodged in it, and it hurt every time she swallowed. She could smell the plastic of the tubing beneath her nose every time that she took a deep wheezing breath. She winced, feeling the painful stretch of her lungs against her ribcage. She felt dizzy as she opened her eyes, and even more disoriented as her eyes opened to the dim ceiling. Her vision was still blurry and her stomach clenched painfully as she realized the extent of her nausea. She tried to move, but the second she engaged the muscles in her lower body, the pain made her regret it immediately. She couldn't suppress the moan that squeezed past her lips. Emma tried to move her arm, but froze as she realized that it was trapped beneath something heavy.

"Ugh," Emma groaned, the sound choking in her dry throat. She realized she couldn't speak. Emma fought the pain, but she cried out as the throbbing in her body won out.

"Emma," Jake jumped up from his chair on the other side of the bed. Emma's eyes flickered open again, disoriented by the new sound. Jake grasped immediately for Emma's hand, and the blonde turned towards him. Her mouth tried to form the words, tried to say his name, but nothing came out.

"Welcome back," he whispered, and Emma made a noncommittal sound in her throat. "How are you feeling?"

"Water," Emma choked out, her voice rough and pleading.

"I'll be right back," he declared as he nearly bolted from the room at a sprint. Tears began to slip down Emma's cheeks in a silent stream as she was left alone. Her body started to shake gently with the tears, but she fought that too.

He was back a minute later with a glass. He helped her sit up slightly and lifted the straw to her lips. Emma moaned softly as the cool, crisp water slipped past her lips, and over her tongue. She swallowed, greedily, wincing at the pain in her throat. She drank as much as she could, before Jake pulled the cup away and set it down on the tray next to the bed. Gently, he perched on the edge of the bed and reached over to brush the hair from her eyes.

"Is this the hospital?" Emma asked groggily, reaching up to the wires currently snaking out of her hospital gown. "What...What happened?"

"You mean you don't remember?" Jake asked with a furrowed brow.

"I..." Emma's brow wrinkled in concentration as she fought to remember. "I think I fell?" Emma murmured softly.

"Yeah," he nodded. "You fell."

Emma groaned and tried to pull away the oxygen tubing from beneath her nose as she pushed herself into a seated position.

"Easy, Em," Jake said as he intercepted her hand, and gently eased her back in bed. "There's no need to panic."

"But I...I feel weird," Emma groaned. "Everything just feels... I want to go home."

"You just woke up," Jake told her. "You need to slow down just a little bit. You...You hit your head pretty hard when you fell. You've been out of it for a while."

"H-How long?" Emma breathed.

"Almost three days," Jake frowned. "Everybody's been worried."

"Shit... Three days? Who found me?" Emma questioned.

"Umm," Jake cleared his throat. "Regina technically found you."

"She...did?" Emma asked in disbelief. "H-How?"

"Well," Jake said slowly, "When you didn't come back from running, your parents got worried and people formed a search party. Regina found you at the bottom of a ravine. Apparently, you'd gone off of the trail."

"Oh."

"I can go get her if you'd like," Jake offered. "She's still here. She's just in the visitor's lounge getting some rest."

"Regina is here?" Emma inhaled sharply.

"Yeah," Jake chuckled. Jake looked up as Dr. Whale rushed in.

"Emma!" Dr. Whale greeted. "Elisa said you'd woken up. I'm sorry to interrupt, but I need to do a quick exam."

"I'll step out," Jake said as he stood. "I'll be right back."

* * *

 _(October 18th, 2015; 11:38p.m.)_

 _Visitor's lounge; Storybrooke General Hospital_

( _Flashback to September 4th, 2015_ )

 _"Mmm," Regina couldn't help but moan softly as Emma shifted, rolling onto her side. Without any pause, the blonde closed the space between them. Regina closed her eyes as warm fingers gently meandered over soft, warm, and slightly flushed skin. Slowly, the touch crept up Regina's side, sliding inward over her shoulder. She felt the blonde's fingers skate over the muscular column of her neck, as they approached their final destination. Finally, fingers gently grazed Regina's cheek, taking with it some strands of fine brown hair. Regina's eyes opened in anticipation of what came next, causing Emma to drown in pools of dark brown. Emma carefully swept the silky strands behind Regina's ear. The touch was so gentle that it could have gone unnoticed save for the faintest friction of Emma's body rubbing ever so slightly against Regina's as the blonde completed the gesture. Sleepily, Regina's eyes blinked, closing for a long moment as she relished the contact._

 _"You're not about to fall asleep on me, are you?" Emma's breath ghosted over her ear, causing a shiver to creep up her spine. Slowly, Regina's eyes opened. She couldn't stop a smile from pulling at her lips as she stared into soft, comforting, and expressive green eyes._

 _"There's not a chance in hell of that happening," Regina chuckled. She mirrored Emma's actions, slowly lifting a hand to reciprocate the caress. Another deep sated sigh escaped parted lips as Emma kissed her way slowly across Regina's jaw line, trailing kisses towards the sensitive spot just behind her ear. Emma could hardly breath as Regina's body arched forwards on its own, seeking to close the minute distance between them. Regina wanted the contact. She needed Emma to touch her, to quell the undeniable burning in her body._

 _"What would you like me to do to you?" Emma's breath hummed melodically in Regina's ear, causing the brunette's body to convulse in a fresh shiver of desire and anticipation. Regina moaned as Emma started running her palm slowly down the tanned expanse of skin towards the swells of Regina's breasts. She could feel the heat, and the faintest pressure of fingers moving over goose-pimples flesh. At the same moment, before the brunette could possibly answer, Emma was pushing her tongue deep into Regina's mouth, caressing the oh so skillful silken muscle with her own. Regina shuddered again as Emma's hand moved from over her sternum to her right breast. She hefted it the swollen peak with a hungry desperate touch. This time the touch was not as gentle. It was full of passion and a degree of wanting that was hard to describe. Regina couldn't hold back a moan as Emma's hand squeezed, kneading the flesh in her hand with exactly the right amount of pressure. It was nearly enough to drive Regina out of her mind. She felt the stirrings of even more arousal in her abdomen. Emma's hand gently twisted, using her palm to rub against the older woman's already sensitive nipple. Then she pulled back. Regina nearly mourned the loss of contact, but Emma quickly cut off those sounds, as her fingers expertly took over, rolling the dusky pebbled nipple between them. This caused Regina's nipples to become even harder and hypersensitive to every sensation._

 _Emma slowly retracted her tongue, pulling it from Regina's mouth. The brunette fought to hold her, her desire torturously strong, but Emma had something else in mind. Regina's head dropped back into the pillow, exposing a long column of perfect unmarked flesh. Emma's lips migrated over sensitized, heated flesh in a way that had Regina going slowly insane. It was so good...too good for words._

 _"Emma," Regina panted, her chest rising and falling rapidly as the blonde ran her tongue over flushed skin, nipping and sucking at it randomly. "Oh god," Regina's breath hitched as she tried a second time, "Emma, Please." Emma nipped at Regina's soft skin again, however, before the sting from the bite came, the blonde was already soothing it away with her swirling tongue. Emma couldn't help herself. She just had to taste Regina. She had to mark the beautiful woman for her own. The brunette's flushed skin was a perfect mixture of sweet and salty, and Emma was in love with the taste. Sweat still glistened on Regina's skin, and Emma watched in rapture as fresh beads of sweat trailed down Regina's chest. The brunette was writhing on the bed in a way that had Emma giving herself a pat on the back. She loved when she could elicit such a reaction from the brunette. It made her feel powerful, but most of all, it made her feel wanted. Regina gasped as, without any warning, a warm, muscular thigh pushed forcefully up into her core. A moan was falling from Emma's lips as well, when Regina ground herself down on the taut muscle, using the friction to help satiate her own need. Emma couldn't believe how wet Regina was for her already. Emma's hands moved quickly to Regina's hips. Without thought her fingers curled around bony flesh, as the blonde sought to help Regina by making it easier for the brunette to rock against her._

 _"How do you want it, your majesty?" Emma murmured in Regina's ear, as the brunette rocked forwards. Regina moaned louder as Emma pushed harder against her. The older woman opened her mouth to speak, but seemed immersed in her own little world. Emma tried to goad Regina into answering. "Fast and hard, slow and sensual, or a mixture of both?"_

 _"I…I don't care, Emma," Regina groaned as the blonde relaxed her toned quadriceps, leaving Regina without the firmness she needed to achieve her orgasm. The action seemed to leave Regina desperate and wanting, because a mournful sound escaped the older woman's throat. Emma knew Regina wouldn't be pleased with her, but she also wanted to give her lover everything she wanted. She wanted to make Regina come harder than she ever had before. Emma slowly lowered herself. This time, she sucked a nipple into her mouth, and swirled her tongue around it, knowing that it would drive Regina wild. The brunette moaned loudly, louder than any other sound she'd made thus far, and it made Emma proud. She knew how sensitive the brunette's breasts could be. It was a surefire way to ratchet up the brunette's desire even more._

 _"Yes you do," Emma whispered huskily as she switched sides, repeating the same ministrations on Regina's other breast. "Come on, baby. I want to give you what you want. I want you to feel what you make me feel every time you touch me."_

 _"Emma," Regina pleaded loudly, still trying to coax Emma back into what they were doing. Regina could feel the almost maddening and painful throbbing between her legs. She could feel her abdomen tighten inevitably. "Please," this time Regina was a little more forceful. And Emma, finally seeing the look in Regina's eyes, knew how desperate the brunette felt. The Queen had waited so long already, putting Emma's need first. Regina moaned as Emma replaced the contact, and the opposing force she needed to achieve orgasm, causing Regina to come to life all over again. Hungry kisses, and roaming hands came together in an effort to fulfill their deepest desires. Regina's breathing grew more ragged as they both put significant energy into their love making, yielding powerful results._

 _Emma was taken aback by the look in Regina's eyes as the brunette pushed and pulled, clinging tightly to her body. Friction created between two moving bodies, left them both craving more._

 _"Fuck," Regina gasped as the delicious pressure steadily ratcheted up her desire. Emma took a lot of pride in making the brunette lose herself, even if it was only for a few minutes. Emma carefully adjusted, pulling her thigh back as she crawled down Regina's body. Emma felt herself shiver, as the slick trail on her thigh, tingled in the cool air of Regina's bedroom. Regina cried out loudly as Emma trailed her mouth down her body, kissing more warm, salty skin. It was a promise of what was to come, and it drove the brunette crazy with anticipation. When Emma reached her goal, she continued without pause, starting with a broad lick of her tongue that left Regina crying out hoarsely into the bedroom. Instantly, she felt Regina's hands tangle in the air, trying to hold Emma where she needed the blonde most. Emma slid her hands to Regina's hips, pushing the brunette's hips down onto the bed, as she prepared to take her lover over the edge. She knew how the brunette got during their lovemaking sometimes. Often, Regina tried to take over. In fact, Emma wasn't sure if the Queen knew the definition of patience when it came to their lovemaking. Sure enough, after the first several swipes of Emma's tongue, Regina's back was already arching off of the bed as the older woman sought more contact._

 _"Oh," Regina gasped as Emma's mouth found a particularly sensitive piece of flesh. "Right there. Right there, Emma. Oh god. That feels so good."_

 _Emma took Regina's lead, paying careful attention to what made her lover moan the loudest. She loved how unhinged the brunette was during their lovemaking and decided that she could survive on the brunette's sounds alone, if she had to. After few more kisses to Regina's outer lips, Emma thrust her tongue between Regina's slick, swollen folds. Regina cried out even louder. Emma honestly hadn't thought it could be possible for the brunette to get any louder, but she clearly had. "Emma, oh god," Regina breathed, as her thighs began to tremble against her. "That feels so good. Just like that. I'm so fucking close."_

 _Emma pulled back. Or should I say tried to pull back? Emma felt Regina's hands tighten around tangled strands. She hissed gently as she felt Regina's nails rake across her scalp in a way that made her sure she'd have scratches later. But Emma relished every sensation. She loved it. She needed it._

 _Emma took a deep breath and exhaled, blowing on Regina's prominent swollen bundle of nerves. Emma stopped, barely long enough to take another full breath before she pulled Regina's sensitive bundle of nerves into her mouth without warning. Emma aggressively lavished Regina's clit with attention, sucking on it and flicking it with her tongue. Regina cried out, in loud deafening cries. And for once, Emma had no intention of trying to silence the brunette. Emma released one side of Regina's hips in favor of penetrating the brunette in a way that would only compound her already monumental desire. She pushed into Regina in a way that left Regina suddenly incoherent._

 _Emma eased her ministrations as Regina came. Hard. Walls clenched around Emma's fingers, as if the brunette never wanted to let go of them._

 _Carefully, Emma tried to bring Regina down, while allowing the woman to get every bit of pleasure out of her climax that she could. In seconds, it was over._

 _Emma eagerly lapped up residual juices, wanting to taste the brunette. Regina moaned, flinching as her body continued to respond vigorously to the stimuli. Regina tried to pull away, feeling as if it were too much, and Emma let her. Slowly, Emma crawled up the bed. With a hitch of her own breathing, Emma dropped back down onto the mattress next to Regina. Softly, Emma nuzzled her cheek against Regina's neck. She swore that she could hear the blood pulsing through the other woman's veins. Emma closed her eyes, and let out a relaxed breath, relishing in the feeling of the brunette at her side. Regina moaned softly, shifting on the mattress. Soft kisses to her neck had her closing her eyes, wanting to savor the moment. Never had she felt so loved, so appreciated. Emma made her feel as if she were something to be cherished. Something no man had ever been able to do._

 _"God, I've missed this," Regina breathed huskily, her voice quavering._

 _"Mmm," Emma hummed._

 _"I'm serious," Regina persisted. "It's been too long, darling. I…I've missed you."_

 _"It's the mayor's fault," Emma says with a teasing smile, "It's like she actually expects me to do my job or something. I tell you. The nerve that woman has."_

 _"Emma," Regina chuckled, trying to gaze into Emma's blue-green eyes. "Look at me. I'm being completely serious right now."_

 _"Mmm?" Emma hummed tiredly, breathing in Regina's distinctive and wonderful scent. It was the aroma of arousal, mixed with perfume and Emma couldn't get enough of it. "Who says I was kidding?"_

 _"Love," Regina sighed, slowly turning her head._

 _She moaned, as she took in a deep breath of her own, appreciating Emma in every respect. Reaching up to Emma's temple, she manipulated Emma enough to kiss the top of the blonde's forehead. Emma finally got the message, pulling back slightly the meet the brunette's gaze. "Hey," Regina breathed her heart swelling in her chest._

 _"Hey you," Emma replied, kissing the brunette softly._

 _"That was-" Regina suddenly realized that there were no words to describe how wonderful what just happened between them was. Regina moaned as Emma's hand ventured back down her body._

 _"I know," Emma replied, breathing deeply. "I'm glad you enjoyed yourself. After all, I'm here to please."_

 _"In that case," Regina moaned as her eyes lit up. Emma, it seemed, had inadvertently placed a fresh array of dirty thoughts into the brunette's mind._

 _"So… Tell me, Emma," Regina ordered, as she trailed a finger lazily across Emma's flushed shoulder. She swore she could feel the pounding of the woman's heart underneath. "There has to be a fantasy you've thought about…. something you want to try."_

 _"Regina," Emma's breath hitched as a series of images flooded her mind, catapulting her into a fresh state of arousal. "You don't have to," Emma told her. "I'm good tonight. Really."_

 _"Come on," Regina persisted._

 _"It's getting late," Emma sighed, running a hand up and down Regina's arm. "I should actually get going. I've got to be to work early tomorrow."_

 _"Fine," Regina pouted, "But before you go, there has to be one fantasy you've had about me, just one…"_

 _"Just one? You're kidding me right? I've had dreams about you for years," Emma suddenly lifted her hand to her mouth and bit down as a blush of scarlet painted across her beautiful features. "Crap! I-I didn't intend to actually say that out loud."_

 _"So you've had dreams about me too then," Regina purred softly. "Hmm… Are you sure I can't get you to tell me what they are?"_

 _"No," Emma replied breathlessly, "You'll think they're stupid. I-I can't," Emma stuttered as she tore her eyes away._

 _"Don't you trust me?" Regina spoke sadly, brushing some of the blonde's silky strands out of her eyes. She took the liberty of pulling back slightly so that she could look in Emma's eyes._

 _"Of course I trust you," Emma answered barely a heartbeat later, "It has nothing to do with that."_

 _"Then what is it?" Regina asked. Emma just shook her head, avoiding Regina's chocolate brown eyes, which could almost always melt her inside._

 _Suddenly Regina remembered. "Hey," the brunette whispered, brushing Emma's cheek, "Come on. You can talk to me. Look, I know that this is all very new, but I don't want you to feel like you have to keep anything from me." Regina sighed._

 _"Look Regina," Emma smiled. "What we have going is good. We don't have to make it any more complicated than it already is." Emma started pulling backwards, and extricating herself from Regina's side. The brunette tried to ignore the hurt she felt._

 _"Emma," Regina sighed, as she pushed herself to her elbows, watching as Emma swung her legs over the side of the bed. "Did I scare you by getting too personal?"_

 _"You did no such thing," Emma protested._

 _"Then what's the problem?" Regina asked as she watched Emma pluck her pair of underwear from the floor._

 _"Doesn't this feel a bit strange to you?" Emma asked as she stood, giving Regina a perfect view of her muscular backside. "Talking about fantasies? We're screwing, Regina, but you've made it clear that that's all it is. So why do you suddenly feel the need to make it any more confusing than it already is?" Emma let out a shuddering breath._

 _"Because I want to please you," Regina said with a furrowed brow._

 _"It's just…" Emma hesitated, "When we start talking about each other's fantasies it starts to feel like we're something more, you know?"_

 _"It doesn't have to be like that," Regina argued. "We can want to have a little fun together without making it complicated."_

 _"Yeah? Well, I'm not sure I can," Emma huffed, as she sat back down on the edge of the bed. "So maybe it's just better if we stick to what we've been doing."_

 _"Emma, have you ever done this before?" Regina finally asked, pushing herself up into a seated position. She slowly crawled over to where Emma was seated. Slowly, Regina ran her hand over Emma's back, slowly rubbing circles between the blonde's shoulder blades._

 _"Done what before?" Emma replied as a considerable amount of heat worked its way over her chest and up her neck. Her body began to tremble slightly under Regina's touch._

 _"Have an affair," Regina exhaled. "Because I don't know about you, but I've never done this before."_

 _"Y-You haven't?" Emma said as she turned her head to look at Regina, a look of surprise on her features._

 _"No, dear," Regina smiled. "You're my first girl on the side. So… forgive me, but this is uncharted territory for me as well." Regina hardly dared to breath, while placing kisses on Emma's shoulders. "I don't think you realize… this whole situation is complicated. And it's likely all downhill from here."_

 _"I…I'm suddenly rethinking this whole thing," Emma spoke honestly._

 _Regina wasn't prepared to see the degree of hurt on Emma's features, the flushed embarrassment, and more than anything, the hurt. Regina immediately realized she had said the completely wrong thing._

 _Emma swallowed, gulped, and looked away, no doubt feeling extremely uncomfortable. Before Emma knew it, her body was struggling between fight or fight mode. Regina hardly had any time to react before Emma was pushing herself off of bed and was stumbling around the room, searching frantically for her clothes. Regina reacted a split second later, jumping out of bed. Quickly she latched onto Emma's arm._

 _"Wait. Don't," Regina begged, "Please don't run, Emma. I just meant…"_

 _"No…you're right," Emma bit out as she fished for her shirt, hooking a finger beneath the collar. "I mean… how could I have been so stupid? I can't do this."_

 _Regina squeezed her eyes shut. These were the moments that she wished she could take things back._

 _"I'm an idiot."_

 _"Yes, but you're my idiot," Regina said sadly._

 _Emma's hollow laugh had Regina wincing. The blonde suddenly had the urge to smack herself._

 _"Emma," Regina breathed, trying to slow her lover. "Wait. Please. Just- Slow down for a minute. That isn't how I meant for you to take it."_

 _"No? But isn't it?" Emma replied. "I mean, seriously, Regina." Emma tried to hold back the tears from her eyes as she struggled to loosen Regina's grip. "Obviously I knew what we were doing, but I…I don't think it really sank in until just now." Emma pulled her shirt over her head._

 _"Emma," Regina pleaded._

 _"Look," Emma groaned. "I've never been a huge fan of Robin, but he doesn't deserve this. Nobody does. We have to stop this. We have to stop this right now."_

 _"Emma," Regina was becoming increasingly desperate. She spun Emma around, framing her hands around Emma's face, as she forced the younger woman to look her in the eye. "Wait. Stop. Just listen to me for a second. You're blowing everything out of proportion. You- you are everything to me. I've never felt so much as I do when I'm with you. So please don't walk away like this."_

 _"I should go," Emma sighed. Emma rubbed at her eyes, "Gosh, I can't even remember the last time I got any sleep."_

 _"Emma," Regina husked finally, "Wait. Don't- Please don't walk out that door." Emma turned around, her hair ruffled, and shirt wrinkled. She looked exactly as if she had been engaged in sexual activities, and it made Regina's heart pound desperately in her chest. Regina quickly took a step forwards and then another, blocking Emma's exit. She couldn't let the blonde go without a fight._

* * *

(October 18th, 2015; 11:38p.m.)

"Regina," a masculine voice broke into the memory. Regina groaned, trying to hang onto the dream. But whoever it was that was shaking her awake was persistent enough to say the least. "Regina!" Regina's eyes shot open to near darkness, and she instantly pushed herself into a seated position. Jake jumped backwards.

"Jake?" Regina asked in confusion. "What's going on? Is- Is something wrong?"

"Emma's awake!" Jake told her, "I just thought you'd want to know. Dr. Whale is in with her now." Jake briskly started walking from the room.

Regina threw the blanket off of her legs, and quickly got to her feet. She rushed towards the door, and out into the hall, but by the time she reached Emma's room, Dr. Whale was almost finished examining her. The blonde was fighting consciousness again.

"It's okay, Emma," Jake said while stroking her hair, "You just get some more rest." Regina watched as the blonde's eyes fluttered closed, and sighed. She'd missed her chance. Again.

* * *

 _(October 19th, 2015; 5:48a.m.)_

 _Storybrooke General Hospital_

Emma let a sleepy groan, shifting on the uncomfortable hospital bed. Groggily, her eyes blinked open. She laid still for a minute, just staring at the ceiling. She was waiting for it all to come back. She remembered waking the last time, and feeling disoriented. Apparently she'd fallen running and had hit her head? Emma lifted up a bony arm, using her hand to wipe the sleep from her eyes. She let out a deep sigh. That had been real, hadn't it? She had collapsed during the middle of her run, and had injured herself. With another defeated sigh, Emma squeezed her eyes shut more tightly, willing to go back to the peaceful dreamless sleep she had been in minutes before. Unfortunately, things just weren't that simple. She had to face what she'd been avoiding. Emma rolled over, and she let out a gasp as her hand encountered something solid and warm. Emma's eyes flashed open and her stomach dropped. Regina was lifting her head from where it had been resting on the mattress. For one heart stopping moment, Emma watched Regina's eyes blink open slowly, as the brunette was reacquainted with reality. Regina looked up, her mouth falling open in surprise. Apparently she hadn't expected Emma to wake up anytime soon.

Green met dark brown. Regina stared back, not daring to breathe. Silence passed for a long uncomfortable moment. Emma's heart seemed to be trying to make up for its brief pause and now was threatening to break its way out of her own rib cage. It was racing out of control and Emma couldn't make it stop. Jake had been telling the truth. Regina was there at her bedside.

"Hey," Emma breathed weakly. She watched as Regina's strained expression faltered for a moment, only to return to the look of agony on her features. Regina looked like she was in pain.

"Hey," Regina managed to choke out, though barely so. Emma swallowed again as Regina brushed a short string of hair from her forehead. "How are you feeling?"

"Tired," Emma muttered, "And a little bit loopy, but otherwise okay." Regina nodded.

"You had us all worried," Regina nearly whispered.

"I know," Emma murmured, "I was so stupid. I'm sorry."

"The doctor said that you were severely dehydrated," Regina revealed. "You also had low levels of calcium and potassium in your blood, which affected your body's ability to function. He thinks that it played a part in you falling." Emma looked down to her arm. She could see the I.V. tubing snaking out from her forearm. "They gave you an infusion to help." Regina let out a deep breath. "I know that you don't want to hear this...at least not from me. But you've got to eat, Emma. Your body needs nutrients to survive."

"Regina-," Emma sighed. "About what I said to you…"

"Hey," Regina said with a squeeze of Emma's hand. "You were right to be upset with me. But there is one thing you were wrong about." Regina took a deep breath as she gathered her courage. "Your family and I love you, and we will fight for you no matter what. That includes when you're not strong enough to do it on your own. So you can yell at me. You can try to chase me away if you want. But I will be here for you whenever you need me."

"Okay," Emma nodded. "Thank you."

"Also, I umm- I healed some of your injuries, so you might feel a little strange for a while," Regina told her. "Your leg in particular might feel a little tingly."

"It does feel a little strange," Emma admitted. "You fixed a break?"

"Two actually," Regina replied. "It seemed that you had a rather nasty compound fracture below the knee."

"Th-Thank you," Emma smiled as she gave Regina's hand another squeeze.

"Anything for you, my love," Regina replied, before lifting Emma's hand to her lips and kissing it. "Please just promise me you'll take better care of yourself from now on."

"I will," Emma promised.

* * *

 _ **A/N: So that's it for now. I'll update again soon. Jake will be sticking around for a little while longer, but I intend for it to have a SQ ending. Robin and Regina will be having a pivotal conversation in the next couple of chapters. I'm sure you guys are ready for that.**_

 ** _Thanks for reading! Please review!_**


	10. What I know

Title: Make it Without You  
Category: TV Shows » Once Upon A Time  
Author: Alwaysbringback-up  
Language: English, Rating: Rated: M (for language and sexual themes)  
Genre: Angst/General

 **Chapter 10: What I know**

 **Pairing: SwanQueen**

 _ **Disclaimer: I don't own any part of the OUAT universe. All characters belong to Adam and Eddie, the show's creators. I promise that my writing is done purely for recreational purposes only. No ill harm is intended.**_

 _ **A/N: Let me just say that this chapter was EXTREMELY difficult to write. None of what I wrote seemed to be good enough, but hopefully it is up to par with the rest of the story. After much debate, I've decided to split Robin and Regina's pivotal conversation into two bits, because I felt that it works out better that way. Plus, I could totally see it happening the way I wrote it. So, I'll let you get to it.**_

 _ **There's also a bit of a time jump between the last chapter and this one.**_

* * *

 _(Wednesday, October 21st, 2015; 1:17 p.m.)_

 _Sheriff's Station_

 _Storybrooke, Maine_

The sun was warm on her face as Regina stepped out of her Mercedes and onto the bleached concrete in front of the Sheriff's station on October 21st. The snow that had fallen only several days earlier had long since melted, and the leaves were changing rapidly. Shades of bright reds, oranges, and yellows were enchanting Storybrooke's forests as one season gave over to another. It was beautiful, but cold. A shiver overtook Regina's body, and Regina let out a deep breath before taking in another. Her lungs burned pleasantly as the icy and almost refined air met her passageways. Regina wrapped her coat tightly around her and buttoned it. As gracefully as was possible, Regina leant low on her front seat and retrieved the small paper bag and paper cup from the front seat. She carefully righted herself. With her hip, Regina shut the door to her car, and turned towards the nearby building.

Regina walked into the Sheriff's station and headed towards the bullpen.

She found Emma right where she expected the blonde to be. The blonde was hunched over her desk, twirling a pen between the fingers of her right hand, as she talked on the phone in an exasperated but slightly hushed tone. The phone was cradled rather awkwardly between her left shoulder and her ear, as Emma typed something into the search engine on the computer. The sight was almost comical, and as a consequence Regina nearly laughed. She wasn't used to seeing Emma multitasking in such a masterful manner. If anything, she had grown accustomed to walking in on Emma in order to find the blonde shirking her work. In fact, on slow days, Emma frequently played paper basketball with David, using crumpled papers and the Department's small trash bin as a basket. Regina would always know when one of them was having an off day, because balls of paper would be littering the office floor from their many misses.

Emma tapped her pen on the edge of the desk and nodded, as if the person on the phone would be able to see her.

"No, I hear you," Emma told them. "I really do."

David was looking on the scene with a frown on his face. It was almost as if it pained him to see Emma stressed out about anything. Regina came to a sudden stop, just watching the blonde and observing her posture.

"I just don't understand why I'm only hearing about this now," Emma said with a sigh, as she set the pen down on the surface of her desk and reached up to her forehead, kneading at the muscles there with her fingers. "No. No. I completely understand why it's important. Please believe me when I say that under no circumstances do I want this guy to walk. You don't have to explain it to me. I…I guess I'm just feeling a little blindsided, that's all. I mean…the trial is this week, and it's not like I've been completely unreachable where I am." Emma let out another strained breath. "Yeah, okay. Well, I can try to be there first thing in the morning. Where would you like me to meet you?" Emma picked up the pen and began feverishly jotting down information on the piece of paper, before repeating an address back to them. Regina's brow furrowed as she realized she didn't recognize it. "The good news is, I remember the case well. We can do whatever prep we need to this weekend, and I should be ready to go, on Monday. Okay. I'll see you tomorrow morning at 8a.m. sharp. Thanks, Spencer." Emma dropped the pen onto her desk and let the phone fall into her hand. She caught it and moved it to the cradle, where she let it fall into place with a click.

Regina stood tense for a moment, as uncomfortable silence built in the room. It wasn't long, however, before it became too much and Emma laughed it off with a roll of her shoulders.

"Well," Emma remarked, as she turned to address her father. " _That_ just happened."

"I'm so sorry, honey," David apologized, reaching up to paw at the back of his neck. "It's just that they said it was important. And when I offered to take a message they very adamantly told me that they needed to talk to you directly."

"No," Emma shook her head vigorously, "You did the right thing. It _was_ important. I mean... I'd hate for _him_ to walk just because they couldn't find the arresting officer."

"Is something wrong?" Regina asked, as she set down the Granny's take out bag on Emma's desk, and rather gracefully lowered herself down into the seat next to Emma's desk. Emma, who clearly hadn't realized they had company, visibly jumped at the sudden intrusion.

"Jesus!" Emma said breathlessly, as she struggled to calm her suddenly racing heart. "Are you trying to give me a heart attack?" Her eyes jumped to Regina's face, searching the brunette's expression for any hint of an explanation to explain the brunette's sudden presence.

"Believe me," Regina joked, "If I were trying to give you a heart attack, you would know it." Emma felt her heart rate pick up exponentially as Regina playfully winked at her.

"I...I'm sorry," Emma exhaled shakily, as she turned to the brunette. "I didn't mean to be rude or anything. I just... didn't realize you were here. How long have you been standing there, anyway?"

"Not long," Regina said honestly, "I'm sorry, if I scared you. It's just that I didn't want to interrupt. It seemed like you were in the middle of something important, when I came in." Emma let out a huff as she turned back to her monitor, and feverishly began pulling up pages in her Internet browser.

"So..." Regina dragged out the vowel in a dramatic fashion, "You never answered my question. Is everything okay?" Regina repeated again, her brow furrowing.

"Define okay," Emma joked, as she scrutinized the information she'd jotted down on her notepad. Regina frowned, not liking the set of Emma's shoulders, nor the distinct edge of Emma's voice. They'd agreed that the blonde could go back to work, but only if Emma had promised to take it easy. And this included not stressing out about anything. For some reason, it seemed like Emma was not quite upholding that promise. The blonde was clearly stressed out and anxious about whatever had just happened.

"Emma," Regina breathed warningly.

"Easy, Regina," Emma said as she looked over her shoulder at the brunette, "Everything is fine, I promise. It's nothing to be worried about."

"Who was that on the phone?" Regina asked.

"The District Attorney's Office," Emma replied, answering her question. Although, the blonde did not look in her direction. Her attention was solely focused on the computer monitor before her. "I'm afraid something has come up. I have to go to New York this weekend."

"What?" Regina asked sharply, as she took an involuntary step towards the blonde, her voice laced with disbelief.

"I have to go to New York," Emma repeated slowly, as she pulled out her wallet and prized out her credit card. Regina watched as the blonde started entering in her billing information, in order to make a reservation at a hotel located in New York City.

"Wait just a minute!" Regina exclaimed, snatching the card from Emma's hand. "Emma, you just got out of the hospital two days ago for crying out loud! You can't seriously be considering going to New York right now!" Regina looked to David. "David, what are you waiting for? Back me up on this!"

"Madam Mayor," Emma sighed. "I understand you're concerned. And I appreciate that you care. Truly, I do. But I don't have much of a choice, in this situation.I have to go to New York. Tonight."

"It's your birthday tomorrow!" Regina said, as Emma took back her credit card, snatching it from the brunette's hand. Emma, please, at the very least tell me _why_ you have to leave."

"I've been summoned to appear by the court," Emma, said, as she set her card down on her desk and turned to meet Regina's gaze. "It's called a subpoena. I need to testify for the prosecution regarding a case I worked while I was a police officer in New York. Apparently, they tried to subpoena me weeks ago, but since Storybrooke technically doesn't exist, they couldn't find me. If I _don't_ do this, I could be held in contempt of court. You do know what that means, don't you?"

"Emma..." Regina began uncertainly.

"It means that I could be arrested," Emma told her, as Emma turned and met Regina's gaze, with her unwavering one.

"They would honestly arrest a cop for refusing to testify?" Regina questioned.

"It's not commonly done, but it's not unheard of either," Emma told her.

"Emma, forgive me for my ignorance, but since when were you a cop in New York City?" And Emma actually laughed.

"Umm...during the missing year? After you sent Henry and I away during pan's curse?" Emma reminded her, with amusement evident in her twinkling green eyes. "You know, I guess I probably have you to thank for that. You gave me the qualifications I needed when you gave me my memories, and I actually loved that job an awful lot."

"Emma," Regina spoke softly.

"Look, I promise that I wouldn't be doing it, if it wasn't important. The defendant they need me to testify against is a scum of the earth type that did a lot of awful things. And the last thing I want is for him to get off on a technicality, simply because I wasn't there to back up my partner, who is also testifying."

"At the very least you should take someone with you," Regina argued.

"To what?" Emma asked. "To keep an eye on me? I'll remind you that I'm thirty-one years old. I'll be fine."

"She's right, Emma," David finally piped up. "Someone should go with you."

"Are you two seriously ganging up on me right now?" Emma asked with a laugh. She stared down the both of them. First, attempting to make David break with a rather heated glare, and then looking at Regina with an almost comical puppy dog expression. Both her attempts failed miserably.

"Fine," Emma huffed. "I'll call Jake and see if he'll go with me." Emma met Regina's eyes. "I trust that will be satisfactory?"

Regina bit down hard on her tongue. She would rather go with Emma herself, but she wasn't going to force herself on the blonde. Emma clearly needed more time to forgive Regina. "Of course," Regina bit out a moment later. "I'm just curious. How long will you be gone?"

"If everything goes well," Emma said tentatively, "About six days. If it doesn't go well, probably longer."

"I see…" Regina sighed. It seemed that she was going to have to reschedule Emma's surprise birthday party.

Emma seemed to read her mind, because she said, "I'm sorry I'm ruining your plans for my birthday party."

"Who - Who in the hell told you?" Regina asked with a sharp intake of oxygen, "You're not supposed to know about that!"

"Henry might have given it away," Emma laughed.

"Why that little…"

"Don't be too hard on him," Emma interjected. "I'm a human lie detector. Remember?" Emma paused, a smile slipping onto her lips. "Plus, he didn't really tell me about it," Emma spoke, "I just sort of figured it out after his latest operation," Regina merely growled. "You might want to tell him he should use a little more subtlety when doing any future recon." Regina remained oddly silent, after Emma's comments. And Emma figured, that she was silently fuming.

"You know, I'm actually quite impressed that you remembered when my birthday was," Emma said honestly. "I'm pretty sure that I only told you about my birthday once, and you were my mortal enemy at the time."

"Of course I remember," Regina said. "Sure, I may have been about as vengeful as they come, at the time, but I still remember just about everything you've ever told me."

"I don't know whether to be flattered by that or terrified," Emma joked. "Still, it's a shame I won't be here. I guess you'll just have to cancel or have the party without me."

"I will do no such thing!" Regina exclaimed. "Make no mistake, Miss Swan," Regina said sternly, "You may be in New York on your birthday, but we _will_ be having your birthday dinner when you get back. I put a lot of work into planning this engagement, and I will not have it go to waste."

"You did?" Emma asked as she met Regina's eyes.

"Of course I did," Regina replied. "You should know by now, I don't do things halfway."

"Aww, Regina," Emma teased as she knocked shoulders with the brunette, "That's so very sweet of you."

"Oh, stop it," Regina hissed, swatting at Emma's shoulder. The blonde merely laughed. David looked on warily. It was clear that he wasn't sure what to make of their interaction. It was almost as if they were genuinely fond of one another. David just observed them with a baffled expression on his face, and scratched his head.

"Well, I should go," Regina exhaled, "I have to get back. I just wanted to make sure you had lunch."

She turned to David. "Make sure she eats, Charming," Regina ordered.

"Thank you," Emma said as she met Regina's eyes. She made a point of reaching for the bag. Regina watched as Emma unrolled the top, and pulled out the foil wrapped sandwich from inside.

"You're welcome," Regina said with a nod. "Do me a favor and keep me apprised of the whole situation? If Jake can't go with you, I'd like to know."

"I will," Emma, promised, as she unwrapped the sandwich and took a healthy bite.

As she watched Emma munching contentedly, Regina couldn't help but want to jump up and do a little happy dance. It was a small victory just getting Emma to eat. The blonde was finally eating again, although not as much as Regina was used to seeing. "Thanks again," Emma said as she met Regina's eyes knowingly. "This is delicious."

"I'm just happy you're happy," Regina said honestly.

Emma watched as Regina slowly got to her feet and headed out of the Sheriff's station. Emma could hear the brunette's footfalls dissipate slowly, Regina's heels clicking against the stone flooring as she walked farther and farther away from her. Emma let out a sigh. She'd been tempted to ask the brunette to go to New York with her, but had decided that it would be crossing their boundaries.

* * *

 _(October 21st, 2015; 4:00p.m.)_

 _Sheriff's Station_

 _Storybrooke, Maine_

At the end of the day, Emma let out a tired groan as her phone started going off on her desk. She plucked it up and glanced at the display. A smile slipped onto her face as she saw that it was Jake calling. She quickly moved her thumb to the green button and accepted the call.

"Hey you," Emma said with an undeniable warmth and fondness in her voice.

"Hey," Jake replied happily. "I'm just calling to let you know that I took work off for tonight, and for the rest of the week."

"You did," Emma said with a relieved sigh.

"Yeah," Jake replied. "I've been working my ass off for the last twenty eight years, so I figured that it was about time that I took a damned vacation." Emma laughed loudly.

"I'd say you've earned it," Emma said supportively.

"So…" Jake began hopefully, "New York?"

"New York," Emma confirmed. "Are you sure you don't mind?" she asked.

"Not at all. I couldn't stand the thought of being away from you for a week," he confessed, "So I'm all packed and ready to go. I'm on my way to you now."

"Seriously?…" Emma replied, "How did you manage that?"

"Well," he joked, "the boss is a very nice guy. If you give him a good enough reason, he's usually understanding. So I asked him and he said..."

"Jake," Emma laughed harder now, "You are the boss!"

"Like I said," Jake chuckled back, "He's a very nice guy."

* * *

In minutes, Jake was lifting Emma's suitcase into his trunk. He shut it with a loud and resounding thud. Emma turned from her position behind him, as she heard her name called.

"Emma!" Regina shouted as she jogged down the sidewalk, a small scroll clutched in her hand. Emma started walking briskly towards the brunette. She didn't want to make Regina run the entire distance between them. Regina let out a sigh of relief as the distance between them was quickly diminished. Running in heels was not an easy feat. "Hey," Regina murmured breathlessly, as she held the scroll out for Emma to take. "I wanted to make sure that you didn't forget to take this. You won't be able to get back into Storybrooke, otherwise."

"Oh," Emma smacked her forehead. "Shit, it never even crossed my mind. Thank you, Regina. I guess it's a good thing I have you looking out for me." Emma exhaled shakily.

"You're welcome, Emma," Regina said as she stepped forwards and pulled Emma into a hug. "Be careful," the brunette implored her. "And keep your phone on. If I can't get a hold of you, I'm automatically going to assume the worst. Plus, I want to be able to wish you a happy birthday."

"I promise I'll be careful," Emma breathed in her ear, her warm breath ghosting over the shell of Regina's ear. "Everything is going to be fine. I'll see you soon." Regina shivered. They both stayed in the embrace for longer than they would have normally, but it was hard for them to separate. Finally, Emma pulled away. She gave Regina a smile, and tucked a wayward strand behind Regina's ear. Regina exhaled shakily. "I'll text you when we get there," Emma told her, "But it'll be late." Regina nodded, not trusting her voice.

Emma gave her one last smile and walked towards Jake, who was waiting.

"You mind if I drive?" Emma asked.

"That depends," he smiled, as he dangled the keys in front of her. "Do you know how to drive stick?"

"Do I ever," Emma said, as she snatched the keys from his hand. "Watch and learn pretty boy," Emma taunted, as she pulled her sunglasses over her eyes and opened the driver side door. Emma looked back at Regina one last time, before lowering herself into the driver's seat and shutting the door behind her. Jake happily walked around the back of the car, giving Regina a quick wave as he climbed into the passenger seat. He slammed the door shut behind him.

Regina held her breath, and watched through the back window as Emma and Jake locked lips over the center console. Thankfully, the kiss was short and chaste. In seconds, Emma turned back to the dash, and turned over the key. The engine roared to life, purring deliciously as Emma shifted into gear, and before Regina knew it, they were speeding away.

Regina couldn't help but fear that it might be the beginning of the end.

* * *

 _(October 21st, 2015 6:30p.m.)_

 _108 Mifflin Street_

 _Storybrooke, Maine_

Regina instantly stiffened as she felt Robin's arms wrap around her midsection from behind. He gave her a little squeeze as he leant into her, and set his chin on her shoulder. He looked down at the space where she was chopping fresh vegetables for the salad.

"Looks delicious," he spoke as she chopped the cucumber into thin slices and picked up the cutting board, using the knife to slide the cucumber into the large salad bowl. "What are you making?"

"This is just the salad. The Chicken Parmigiana is already in the oven," Regina commented.

"Oh," Robin said. "So we have some time to kill then," he said as he wiggled his eyebrows suggestively.

Regina couldn't keep herself from flinching as she felt his lips graze her neck. Regina inhaled sharply, as his stubble grazed her soft skin, scraping against it, almost like sandpaper. Robin didn't seem to pick up on her stiffened posture, because he continued to trail kisses towards the space underneath her ear, a place especially reserved for Emma. It was a place Regina had come to associate with Emma these last few months.

No, there was something very wrong about all of this. It didn't help that Robin's touches were uncommonly rough and demanding, as opposed to the soft yet passionate touches Regina had become accustomed to during the course of their relationship.

Regina dropped the knife down on the cutting board. It made a clattering sound, as she dropped the sharp instrument with a little too much vigor, her whole body suddenly becoming rigid and tense, under her fiance's touch. Regina quickly braced her hands against the counter, as if preparing for an encounter that she in no way wanted. Because the truth was, Regina no longer wanted anyone but Emma.

She couldn't help but think that it should be Emma touching her like this, and not Robin.

"You smell so good," Robin exhaled against her neck as he continued to press hot kisses to her skin. "You taste good, too." Robin hummed. "God, I love the way you taste."

"Stop," Regina gasped, as he tugged her blouse up from where it had been tucked into her skirt, exposing part of her midriff. She felt his hands slide underneath the thin layer of silk and over the warm flawless expanse of her stomach.

"Robin, stop!" Regina hissed urgently, as she felt her body respond to his touch in ways she didn't want it to. She knew if she had sex with him now, that things between her and Emma were really and truly over. She couldn't let herself give up on the blonde just yet...no matter how contentious things had become. "Please, not tonight," Regina begged, trying to shrug off his advances "I'm not in the mood."

"You're never in the mood, anymore," Robin whined, as his hands dipped dangerously lower. Regina let out a shuddering breath. "Don't you miss the days when we used to just…let ourselves get lost in the moment?" He breathed heavily in her ear. "I just want to make you feel good."

' _Oh my god_ ,' Regina thought for a moment in panic, as she squeezed her eyes shut. ' _What if he suddenly doesn't take no for an answer? What if he is no longer the man I used to know, and instead has become another man who just takes what he wants?_ '

Regina forced herself to let go of the counter, even though the granite countertop was starting to feel like more of a lifeline to her than a counter. She quickly reached for Robin's hands and forcibly pried them away from her flesh, hoping that he would take the hint. Thankfully, when she let go of his hands after rather vigorously pulling them away from her body, he let them fall back to his sides.

"Regina," Robin sighed. "What is going on? Now I can't even touch you?" Regina's hands reflexively clenched into fists in anger. He seemed to pick on that anger almost immediately, because he asked. "What have I done to upset you?"

"You mean you don't know?" Regina asked, as she whirled around to face him, with tears filling her eyes. "I said to stop," Regina informed him, her eyes flashing warningly at him. "Or have you forgotten what the word no means?"

"I'm really sorry. It would seem that I misread the situation," Robin breathed wearily, while raking a hand roughly through his hair. "I thought that maybe you were just playing hard to get, or that you were hesitant to start something because Henry is in the house," Robin said honestly. "But I guess I was wrong." He took a deep breath. "I…I'm truly sorry if I've made you uncomfortable."

Regina let out a sigh of her own, reaching up to pinch her nose between her thumb and forefinger. This was not how she had planned for this to go. But she figured that she could not put it off any longer.

"It's not completely your fault," Regina confessed as she let her hand fall away. "But when I say no, it means no. Okay?"

"I just…" Robin groaned, his hands curling and uncurling as he started pacing the kitchen. "I really don't know what to do anymore."

"Robin," Regina said as she leant back against the counter, watching him wear holes in the tiled flooring, "I had planned on waiting to have this conversation until we had the house to ourselves. Are you really telling me that you want to do this now?"

"The truth is, I don't think it can wait any longer," Robin said as he looked at her. His expression and eyes held a sadness that she hadn't seen in a long time. "This is just not working. I…I've tried to respect your wishes, and give you the time you needed, but all you've done is push me farther and farther away." Robin momentarily stilled. "It hurts me, Regina. You've done nothing but reject me over and over again."

"I'm sorry," Regina breathed as she stepped forwards, almost reaching for his hand. But she caught herself at the last minute and retracted her hand. "It's not something I've done intentionally, Robin."

"I know," he nodded and swallowed, his Adam's apple bobbing in his throat. "Sometimes I think you don't even realize that you're doing it. But it begs the question. What's going on in your head? Your heart? Do…Do you even want to be with me anymore?"

"Please don't be angry," Regina begged.

"I'm not angry," Robin, disputed, "It's just… Regina, you haven't let me touch you in _months_. Hell, you've barely even looked at me since you found out about the baby. We agreed that we would get through this together, and then somewhere along the way that changed. We sleep in separate bedrooms. I'm starting to feel like a complete stranger in my own house, and I don't know what to do to change that."

"Robin, I'm sorry," Regina said. This time she gave into her desire to touch him. She grabbed his hand. "But…you're right. My heart isn't in this anymore. It doesn't belong to you anymore."

"Just tell me," he begged her as he met her glistening chocolate eyes, "is it me that is the problem? I mean… is there anything that I could have done to save our relationship?"

"No," Regina said while shaking her head vigorously, "It's… It's not you."

"Is it because of the baby, then?" Robin asked.

"I…I think I'd be lying to you if I said that it didn't have anything to do with the baby," Regina spoke honestly, "Because the fact of the matter is that Zelena is due in less than two weeks, and you're going to have a baby to take care of in one capacity or another." Regina let out a deep breath, deciding that she owed it to him to tell him the truth. "I want kids. I want to have a family," Regina said as the first tears escaped, "and it's for that reason that I'm always going to resent the fact that she's having your baby."

"We could have a baby," Robin said as he met her eyes. "Regina, we can have as many kids as we want!"

"No!" Regina shouted harshly, a sob escaping, "We can't. Because I can't have children, Robin. And as far as I know, I will never be able to have children."

"What?" Robin's voice cracked harshly.

"There's something I never told you. I...I can't have children," Regina told him.

"Regina," Robin said sadly. "If that's the only thing keeping us apart, then we can find a way to make this work. There are other options. We could adopt. We could use a surrogate."

"It's not," Regina blurted suddenly. "It's not the only reason."

"But…"

"No. Wait. Just let me get this out. I need to get this out," Regina said, as she let out a quavering breath. She lifted her hands to scrub at her cheeks. "I need to tell you something, and I'm afraid you're going to hate me when I do." With another breath, Regina let her hands fall away. She was desperately trying to gather the courage she needed to say what needed to be said.

 _Time to tell the truth_  
 _To burden your mouth for what you say_  
 _No pieces of paper in the way_  
 _Cause I can't continue pretending to choose_  
 _These opposite sides on which we fall_  
 _The loving you laters if at all_  
 _No right minds could wrong be, this many times_

"That will never happen," he spoke reassuringly. But she knew that no matter what he tried to promise her, he was likely going to hate her at the end of what she had to say.

"You can't promise me that," Regina said as she turned away from him. She couldn't bear to look him in the eye as she shattered his world. Regina leant heavily against the counter, clutching it so tightly that it turned her her knuckles white. "What I'm about to tell you is going to hurt you. Please just know that I…I never meant to hurt you." Regina suddenly let out a humorless laugh. "God, it sounds…it sounds so ridiculous when I say it that way, as if whether or not I meant to hurt you even matters at this point. But I _am_ sorry."

"Regina," Robin was suddenly finding it hard to breathe, because he had a feeling that he knew what was coming.

"I didn't love you in the way I should, and because of that, I did something horrible. There's no way that I can ever justify what I've done. But if I'm being honest… I think I was starting to feel a bit trapped." Regina spoke honestly, her voice shaking more and more as she continued on.

"Stop, Regina," Robin begged, "Just stop. I don't need to know."

"Yes," Regina said as her shoulders started shaking harder. "Yes, you do. Because it's part of the reason that things fell apart between us, and you deserve to know why. I cheated on you," Regina stuttered between her cries. "No," Regina shook her head, "That's not the right choice of words. I…I had an affair, Robin. And the truth is, I'd still be having an affair if they hadn't ended it."

Regina flinched as Robin punched the cupboard, as he let out a roar of anger. He seemed so entirely like Emma in that moment that it was almost laughable. Only it wasn't funny. Not the least bit. In that same moment, Robin let out a hiss as the pain caught up with the action. Regina turned to see him cradling his hand. She rushed forwards to tend to it, but he stepped back.

"Why?" was all he could ask, with hurt prominent in his baby blues.

"Because I let my feelings get the best of me," Regina said, as she reached up to wipe away tears, "I held back my feelings for them for years. I don't know why, but I thought that it would go away. It didn't. Instead, it only got worse. I finally just reached a point where I couldn't hold it in anymore. It just sort of happened. We kissed and things just progressed from there. We slept together."

"It just happened?!" Robin repeated incredulously. "God, do you even hear yourself?" Regina flinched. "Let me make a very clear distinction for you, Regina. Cheating, is something that happens once. A _mistake_ is something that happens once. Having an ongoing emotional affair with someone is something that doesn't just happen! At a certain point, it becomes _more_ than a mistake. It becomes a choice!"

"I don't know what to say," Regina murmured weakly.

"Who was it?" Robin questioned. "Who have you been screwing on the side?"

"Robin…"

"Who?" Robin shouted angrily.

"It wasn't just sex!" Regina shouted back. "I was in love with her!"

"Damnit, Regina," Robin's voice boomed through the kitchen. "No more evading responses. I have a right to know who!"

"I…I think you already know," Regina hesitated.

"E-Emma?" Robin breathed, hesitating at the last moment. The instant guilt in Regina's eyes told him all he needed to know. "God damn it!" Robin growled. "How could I have been so blind? I…I knew it! I just knew something wasn't right. I should have trusted my gut!"

"Robin," Regina said sadly. "Please, I…"

"Things between us changed after she sacrificed herself for your happiness," he continued, "You closed yourself off afterwards, and I think I always sort of knew why."

"Robin," Regina's voice broke. "When I lost her, it consumed my every thought. It's like I couldn't…function without her."

"Then why the hell didn't you say something?!" Robin said almost angrily, "All those times I gave you the chance to admit it, and you still denied it! And now I find out that you've been… " Robin let out another scream of pure anger and frustration.

"It didn't happen until after the Dark One's curse was broken," Regina informed him loudly.

"Oh!" Robin said as he threw up his hands, his voice tinged with sarcasm, "Well, I'm sorry then. Clearly that makes all the difference!"

"Robin…"

"God, Regina!" Robin shouted. "Why- Why didn't you say something?! You should have told me that you were in love with her! Instead you let me hang around you like some fool! How could you lie to me like that? How could you lie to yourself?"

"I did it because I resigned myself to the happy ending that she wanted for me," Regina shouted before she could stop herself. "She…She didn't know that I was in love with her when she made the sacrifice. And I…I honestly don't think that it would have mattered. I love her, Robin. I love her so much, and I destroyed our relationship because I was too much of a fucking coward to tell you. With this affair, I've destroyed the two people that I care about most." Regina fought back another sob. "I'm…so…sorry," she managed to choke out between hiccoughing sobs. "But that's why I can't be with you. It's because I could never love anyone the same way that I love her; Everything else would just feel empty by comparison. You don't deserve that, and neither does Roland."

"Damn it," Robin growled, reaching up to pull at his hair suddenly, "I… I can't even look at you right now."

"I'd understand if you hate me," Regina said as she sank to the floor, her body wracking with sobs. "Please just..."

"Stop, Regina. I…I can't do this right now," Robin hissed. "I need some air, some time to think, and a really stiff drink. If I stay right now, I'm afraid that I'm going to say something that I can't take back." Robin said as he stopped pacing the floor of the kitchen, and stormed towards the front door. Regina let out a loud sob as she heard the door slam shut behind him, from her position on the kitchen floor.

 _He takes the car and drives the night_  
 _The white stripes blur and ease his mind_  
 _When all that's left is a single line_  
 _Instead of this confusion_

 _And he's not certain of the way it was_  
 _And he's not sure of what he could have done_  
 _Oh, but he wonders if it had been enough_  
 _To stop her from leaving_  
 _And he realizes the only thing he knows is_

 _She's in love with someone else._  
 _She fell in love with someone else._  
 _She's in love with someone, and that's all that he knows for sure_

"Mom?! Hey, are you okay?" Henry's worried voice had her trying to repress her sobs. But her attempts at suppressing them backfired and made her cry that much harder. Regina heard his hurried footsteps. In seconds, he was jogging into the kitchen and dropping down in front of her. She let him wrap his arms around her. "It's okay. It's going to be okay."

"He hates me," Regina whispered. "He hates me."

"Shh," he soothed as he rubbed her back in soft circles. "It's going to be okay," he told her. "I know that it might not mean much right now, but I'm proud of you, Mom. I'm proud of you for finally admitting the truth."

"You shouldn't be," Regina, cried into his shoulder, "I destroy everyone's happiness."

* * *

 _ **A/N: Yep. So that happened... Please don't hate me. Please review and let me know what you think! I'm probably more insecure about this chapter than any other one, so far.**_


	11. Not Over You

Title: Make it Without You  
Category: TV Shows » Once Upon A Time  
Author: Alwaysbringback-up  
Language: English, Rating: Rated: M (for language and sexual themes)  
Genre: Angst/General

 **Chapter 11: Not Over You**

 **Pairing: SwanQueen**

 _ **Disclaimer: I don't own any part of the OUAT universe. All characters belong to Adam and Eddie, the show's creators. I promise that my writing is done purely for recreational purposes only. No ill harm is intended.**_

 _ **A/N: I ran into a little writer's block on this one, but by some miracle managed to push through it. Just as a fair warning, there's a bit of a time and location jump in this one.**_

 _ **Because of length issues, I couldn't include everything I wanted to in this chapter. But I promise that there will be a resolution to Regina and Robin's argument in the next one. (I usually try to keep the chapters around 5,000 words. This chapter wound up being closer to 7,000)**_

 _ **To my readers and reviewers! Thank you so much reading this story! All your reviews, follows and favorites, make me smile! There is so much joy that comes in sharing my writing with others. So thank you from the bottom of my heart! :)**_

* * *

 _New York City; NYPD's 54th Precinct_

 _(October 22nd 7:30p.m.)_

"Hey!" Logan Krieger greeted in a sort of catcall, as Emma sauntered into the squad room, with a carrier full of coffees clutched in her hands. "Hot damn! Look who it is!" A smile tugged at the corner of Logan's lips as he swiveled around in his chair, and jumped to his feet. He briskly walked towards the blonde, and pulled the blonde into his arms. Emma laughed at his overt friendliness. Logan Krieger was one of the friendliest people she'd ever met, and she cared about him greatly.

Logan was tall and handsome, with dark hair and bright, vibrant eyes. He also had a bit of a five O'clock shadow on his face, and Emma suspected that he hadn't had time to shave this morning, because he was usually pretty clean-shaven.

"Hey," Emma greeted as she placed a kiss to his roughened cheek. "It's good to see you."

"You too, Swan," Logan, reciprocated as he pulled away. "How are you?"

"I'm good," Emma lied, just praying that she wasn't called out on it. "How's Loraine?" Emma asked quickly, inquiring about his wife.

"Great! She's doing great!" he smiled, his blue eyes twinkling brightly. "She's still on maternity leave, so she's at home."

"Maternity leave?" Emma's eyes twinkled. "Oh my gosh, Logan! Congratulations!"

"Thanks," he beamed. "Her name is Charlotte. And she's perfect, Emma. Just perfect. I feel so lucky." He paused, "I should've asked. How's the little man? How's Henry?"

"Great," Emma replied. "Though he's not so little anymore. He's growing up so fast that I can't believe it."

"Is he here?" Logan asked hopefully.

"No," Emma spoke with a shake of her head, "Unfortunately, he couldn't come, because it was on such short notice and he has school. He's staying with my parents in Storybrooke."

"Aww…that's too bad," Logan said with genuine disappointment, "I was really hoping I would get to see him." Logan finally seemed to notice the man standing at Emma's side, and turned to greet him. "Who's this?"

"Oh…sorry," Emma laughed, as she indicated the man next to her, "I should've introduced you. This is my boyfriend, Jake." Then she turned to Jake, "Jake, this is one of my old squadmates, Detective Logan Krieger."

"Jake?" Logan repeated for clarification. Jake nodded and held out his hand "It's nice to meet you." Logan quickly took his hand and shook it. "You're a very lucky man, Jake. I hope you know that. Emma is a very special lady. She saved my life on more than one occasion."

"I am lucky," Jake confirmed with a smile.

"Oh my god, Ems!?" Emma turned to see Chloe streaking across the squadroom towards them. Emma nearly dropped the cup holder in her hand as Chloe barreled into her. "I can't believe it's you!" Chloe squeaked as their bodies collided, nearly knocking Emma to the floor. Emma laughed at the brunette's enthusiasm.

Chloe Stultz, who was Emma's former partner, could only be described as a sprite. She was very petite, and thin, but packed a hell of a punch when she wanted to. Emma would know. She'd spared with the brunette on numerous occasions before. Chloe's wavy brown locks were short, ending just above her jawline. She also had vibrant hazel eyes, and a gorgeous smile.

"Hey, partner," Emma said as she gave Chloe's arm a squeeze. "It's good to see you!"

"You too," Chloe beamed, "I mean I heard that you were coming…but I didn't want to get my hopes up!"

"Jake," Emma said as she turned to him, "This is my partner, Chloe! Well, she…she was my partner while I was here. Chloe, this is my boyfriend, Jake."

"Pleased to meet you," Chloe said as she held out a hand. Jake eagerly took it and started to shake the brunette's hand. Emma nearly laughed as she noticed Jake wince. Chloe had a hell of a grip, as well. After the handshake, Jake made a show of shaking out his hand.

"She's got a hell of a grip, doesn't she?" Emma asked. "First time Chloe shook my hand, she almost took it clean off."

"Oh, here! I brought some coffees for you guys from the café," Emma said as she handed the designated coffees to their owners.

"You're the best," Chloe spoke. "Thanks for this, Em."

"Are Maya and Trip around?" Emma asked. "Or did they get transferred to another precinct?"

"No, they still work here. They just got pulled to a crime scene," Chloe told her. "They should be back soon, though."

"What about Coop, you see him yet?" Logan asked.

"Not yet," Emma said with a laugh. "We're working our way there."

Emma took a deep breath, as she looked around at all the desks littering the large room. It was a place she'd practically lived for a whole year. "God, it feels so weird to be back here."

"Do you miss it?" Logan asked as he took a sip of his coffee. "I mean…It's gotta be different working for a small town, right?"

"It is," Emma admitted. "And just in case you're wondering, being a Sheriff isn't as nearly as exciting as you might think. In fact, sometimes I'm so bored that I don't know what to do with myself. I think I'd be lying if I said that I didn't miss working here." Emma noticed how Jake fixed her with a look of genuine surprise. Perhaps she was speaking with a little too much candor. "It's nice being close to my family, though."

"Well," Chloe said honestly, "We miss you here. You were a great partner, Em."

"Really?! As I recall, it took you quite a while to warm up to me," Emma laughed.

"Yeah, but you eventually won me over," Chloe said with a lopsided smile. "It makes for quite a nice story, actually."

"Hey, we should go out for drinks tonight," Logan said in a chipper voice. "I think you being here is cause for celebration. I'll text Trip and Brewer, and see if they're in."

"Well," Emma said hesitantly, "I'm actually kind of wiped out. We didn't get in until 3:00 this morning." Emma looked to Jake who gave her a smile and a little encouraging nod, "But I guess it couldn't hurt to catch up a little with you guys." Emma glanced down to her watch. "Well, we've got to get back to the ADA's office. But we'll see you at 7:00p.m?"

"Sure thing, Swan," Logan replied. "You remember where the bar is, right?"

"Yep," Emma nodded. "How could I forget?"

* * *

 _New York City (October 22nd 7:30p.m.)_

"I wasn't sure what to make of Emma, at first, because she was a little intimidating," Chloe informed Jake. "She was just kind of intense, you know? And not super talkative."

"Who, me?" Emma said with a laugh. Chloe just met Emma's eyes and smiled.

"I should really tell you about the day that she finally won me over," Chloe said with twinkling eyes.

"Oh, god," Emma groaned, "Chloe, please don't."

"Come on… It's a good story," Chloe argued as she met Jake's eyes, "It's quite hilarious actually."

"Okay…I know that it's kind of sad, but I'm seriously hoping that the ground is going to open up and swallow me right now," Emma said as she took a long draw from her beer bottle and set it down on the table. "Chloe, at least let me get some more liquor in me before you tell this story."

"Why, Swan, I thought you'd never ask!" Chloe said as she flagged down the bartender, "Two rounds of tequila shots for the table please."

"Tequila?" Emma made a face. "Going right for the good stuff, huh?"

"Oh come on, Ems," Logan laughed, "We all know you secretly love the stuff. In fact, you like it so much you might as well be a fish."

"Since when do fish like tequila?" Emma asked. "Worms I might believe…but fish?"

This earned a snort of laughter from Chloe, and a raucous laugh from the rest of the table.

"Just drink the booze, Swan," Logan told her.

"You're making me look bad in front of my boyfriend," Emma said, swatting Logan on the shoulder.

"Hey, look what the cat dragged in!" Michael "Coop" Cooper called out from the other side of the table as he stood up. Emma jumped up as Trevor "Trip" Triplett and Maya Brewer finally walked in. Emma gave them both a quick hug.

Trevor Triplett, known by Trip to his friends, was a very imposing, but quite huggable teddy bear. He was daunting; tall and muscular, with wide shoulders. He was an African American former marine, and instantly commanded your respect. But once you got to know him, he was super friendly. In fact, there wasn't a lot that he wouldn't do for a friend, and Emma admired him a hell of a lot.

"Ugh, Trip, it's so good to see you," Emma said with a squeeze.

"Hey, Swan," Trip smiled. He noticed Jake immediately and held out his hand. "Hi, I'm Trevor, but everyone calls me Trip."

"Trip?" Jake questioned.

"Yeah," Trip nodded, "I'm Trevor Triplett III, so the nickname sort of stuck."

"Oh!" Jake laughed, "Yeah! I get it now."

"Hey, Maya," Emma greeted the blonde. She was taller than Emma, but just by a smidge. Emma had a lot of respect for the woman, because she'd grown up without a father, and could relate to a lot of the same struggles that Emma went through.

"Hey," Chloe said excitedly, "You guys are just in time for the story."

"Oh, god," Emma groaned as she walked over and plopped back down into her seat, "You're still stuck on that, huh?"

"Come on," Chloe said good naturedly, "It's a good story!"

"So Emma and I are out on lunch break, and we've just walked out of Mancino's Pizzeria after eating a whole pie," Chloe began, "We're walking back to the cruiser, when this guy slams into us from behind. Of course, because neither of us were prepared for the assault, both of us instantly got knocked off of our feet, and this guy just went blowing by us with a bag. We're both a little shaken up, but we can hear this woman screaming bloody murder about how the guy stole her purse." Chloe spoke, setting the scene of the story. "Mind you. We've both just stuffed our faces, and I feel like all I want to do is fucking curl up and take a nap. I mean we're on our lunch break for Christsakes. But no… Before I can even call her off, Emma gets to her feet and starts sprinting off after the guy, leaving me no choice but to follow."

"That's me," Emma laughed. She was grateful when the guy arrives with a tray full of shots for the group. Emma plucks one off the tray and downs it, knowing what part of the story is coming next.

"Emma, being the little energizer bunny that she is, chases the guy for five whole blocks," Chloe informed them. "Five fucking blocks without ever slowing down. By the time we catch up to the guy, I've got like this terrible stitch in my side. Emma's gaining on the guy, though, so she just keeps after him. After chasing him another block, she winds up chasing him down an alley, towards 5th avenue, and the guy jumps this super high fence." Chloe paused to down a shot of her own. "I couldn't believe it. I mean it was like comically huge. I'm just thinking that there's no fucking way that Emma's going to jump it. But I'll be damned, because Emma just vaults over the thing without hesitation."

Emma let out a groan and buried her face in her hands.

"And just as she goes over the top I hear this huge rip," Chloe said to a full table, laughter playing out across her face. "Seriously I mean…it was so fucking loud that you could probably hear it for blocks."

"Oh god," Emma groaned into her hands. "Just let me die. Please let me die."

"And so I look up, and Emma's pants are totally hanging in tatters on the fence," Chloe spoke, and laughter bursts out all around the table. "I'm just thinking. That's it. It's over, because there's no fucking way that Emma's going to go chasing after this guy in just her underwear…but do you know what she does?" All eyes around the table are riveted to the petite brunette, as she tells the story.

Emma could only focus on her breathing, well aware that Jake has been listening to the whole story.

"She goes tearing off after the guy without missing a single beat," Chloe told them, earning another laugh with her terrible pun. "I mean that's some serious fucking dedication right there. If it had been me, I would have just tried to preserve whatever dignity I had left. But Emma didn't fucking care."

Logan was laughing so hard that his face was turning red. Emma had to admit that the imagery was pretty special. She grudgingly admitted that it was a great story. After all, it was not everyday that you could expect to see a Detective of the NYPD chasing a perp down 5th Avenue in their underwear. But a part of Emma would just like to pretend that it never fucking happened.

"Did you get the guy?" Jake asked Emma as she pulled her hands away from her face.

"Oh yeah," Emma smiled. "I got him. He acted like it was all a sham…as if I wasn't a real police officer or something, because I was arresting him in boyshorts. But I arrested his ass, and he went to jail. He's still doing a bid, if I'm remembering correctly."

"Didn't he propose marriage to you on the way to booking?" Chloe said with twinkling hazel eyes.

"Oh yeah," Emma laughed. "He did. That's what made the whole thing so fucking hilarious. He was such a nutcase that I don't think he had ever seen a girl in just her underwear before. I was his first."

Logan and Trip laughed extra hard at that.

"Now if you'll excuse me for a minute," Emma said, "I'm going to use the lady's room."

Emma got up from the table, and walked towards the front of the bar, but didn't slip into the lady's room like she'd mentioned. She couldn't help but feel as if she needed some fresh air. Emma pushed her way out of the main door, and walked the designated distance away from the building before reaching into her pocket. She pulled out her pack of cigarettes, and lifted the lid before shaking one out. She placed the filtered end to her lips, and held it there as she dug around in the other pocket of her jacket for her lighter. Finally, her fingers closed around the metal and she pulled it out, and flipped it open, using the flint to spark a flame. She lifted it to the cigarette and inhaled sharply, lighting the cigarette. Emma let out a moan of contentment as she sucked the smoke deep into her lungs. She could taste the smoke on her tongue as she blew it out. God, she'd seriously missed the dizzying rush she got from smoking. Emma took another puff of her cigarette and looked up to find that she wasn't alone.

"Hey," Maya greeted. Emma gave Maya a smile and pulled out the pack of cigarettes, wordlessly offering the blonde one. She took one and lifted it to her lips. She pulled out her own lighter, and lit it, letting out a similar sigh of contentment, as she exhaled. "God, I've missed this."

"Mmm," Emma hummed, "Me too. I quit after Henry caught me smoking, but I still sneak one from time to time, when I feel like the stress is getting to me."

"So… How have you been doing, Emma?" Maya asked as she met Emma's eyes.

"Truthfully?" Emma asked. "Life has been…difficult lately. Sometimes I regret leaving. I…I miss it here, you know? At one point, I almost came back, but then life sorta got in the way."

"We've missed you around here," Maya confessed. "I…uh…I actually came out here to give you a head's up."

"Oh?" Emma asked. Her curiosity was piqued. "Am I in trouble."

"On the contrary, it's actually quite the opposite," Maya said as she took another deep drag off her cigarette. "The truth is, I'm not supposed to say anything, but I…I didn't want you to be blindsided. The brass wants Jaffrey to put together a task force, with jurisdictional priorities."

"I'm confused," Emma spoke up. "How… How does this affect me exactly?"

"He wants you, Emma," Maya told her. "He plans to offer you a position in the task force. It's practically unheard of… a Third-grade Detective getting a nod like this from the Brass. But Jaffrey is serious about it. He's insisting on you and no one else."

"Shit," Emma murmured as she took a drag from her cigarette. Her hands were shaking almost violently. "Are you serious?"

"Damn, Emma. Why aren't you elated about this!?" Maya said in confusion. "It's a huge fucking deal. This is the sort of job that everyone in the NYPD dreams of. It's a fast track to making First grade detective or even Sergeant."

"I know…but it's just…" Emma let out a shuddering breath. "How is this even possible? I haven't worked for the NYPD in almost two years."

"But you have an exceptional record of service," Maya informed her, "Jaffrey said you were the best detective to ever work under him. And you're crazy good at tracking down suspects. Just… promise me that you'll think about it, okay? Because he's going to ask you, and he'll probably expect some sort of answer before you leave."

"This isn't just a decision I can make in a week, Brewer," Emma told her, "I have a son and family to think about. I mean… Hell, I can't move Henry away from his other family, just because this job is a dream of a lifetime."

"Maybe you wouldn't have to," Maya spoke. "I mean… you could visit them on weekends and stuff."

"I'll umm…" Emma swallowed thickly, as she took one last puff of her cigarette and squashed it out, before tossing it into the special receptacle. "I'll think about it."

"Emma…" Maya sighed.

"I will," Emma told her. "I swear." Maya just nodded.

Emma cleared her throat. "So…how is Jaffrey?" Emma asked. "Are you guys still…dating?"

"Yeah," Maya nodded. "You know, I never thanked you for keeping that secret. You're a good friend, Emma."

"Eh… It was the right thing to do," Emma shrugged. "What my superior does in his private life, is none of my fucking business. Besides, you guys really seemed to love each other. I'm glad you guys are still happy. It gives me hope of finding something similar someday."

"Jake seems like a good guy," Maya said pointedly.

"He really is," Emma said in agreement.

"I guess the question is, can you see a future with him?"

"I…" Emma found herself hesitating, because she still had doubts. Their relationship was still in its infancy, and it was hard to know if there was a future for them. Emma just didn't see flashes of their life together the way she did with Regina. "I don't really know," Emma admitted. "God, is that terrible of me to say?"

"No, Em," Maya said as she extinguished her cigarette. "It just means you still need to get to know him better."

"We should get back," Emma said as she pushed off of the walk and headed for the doors. She paused however as she felt a buzzing in her back pocket.

Maya looked at her in question, and Emma pulled out her phone, glancing at the display. "I...I've gotta take this real quick," Emma sighed. "I'll be right in," she told her. The blonde nodded and left Emma alone. Emma hit the green button and lifted the phone to her ear.

"Hello?" Emma said as she lifted a finger to her left ear, to block out the loud music spilling out the doors.

"Emma?" Regina asked, as if she couldn't hear the blonde well.

"Oh, hey, Regina," Emma said loudly.

"Hi," Regina said tentatively, "I...I hope it's okay that I'm calling you like this." Emma wasn't using to the brunette sounding quite so unsure of herself.

"Of course it is," Emma replied as she walked away from the doors. "Is...there a reason why you're calling?" Emma asked awkwardly.

"Yeah," Regina replied, quickly gaining confidence. However, Emma was still able to pick up on a sadness in the brunette's voice. "I've been trying to get a hold of you all day." A beat. "I just wanted to wish you a Happy Birthday," Regina told her. "So...Happy Birthday, Emma."

"Oh," Emma sputtered, "Well, thank you. I...I'm sorry I didn't call you. I've just been kind of busy."

"That's okay," Regina replied. "It's understandable. I...I won't keep you. I just wanted..." Regina trailed off unexpectedly.

"Wanted what?" Emma asked. "Regina?"

"Nothing," Regina breathed, "Nevermind."

"What's going on?" Emma asked. "Are you okay?"

"Everything is fine," Regina lied. Even over the phone, Emma's super power was going crazy. But there wasn't a whole lot Emma could do about it. "I'm going to go. I just wanted to wish you a happy birthday. I'll...see you when you get back."

"Okay," Emma sighed. "Goodnight, Regina." Emma heard a click, and let out a groan, as she shoved her phone into her pocket. She reached up to her hair, tugging at it in frustration. Was this what it was going to be like between them now? Barely able to carry a conversation for fear of saying too much about their feelings. It was driving Emma crazy. She wanted their old relationship back. The one where they could argue and banter, and laugh.

Emma walked back to the table to find everyone taking more shots. Emma plucked one off of the table and downed it. She would do almost anything to get rid of the sinking feeling in her stomach.

* * *

Two hours and eight shots later, Emma was drunk. She blamed it on the rest of the squad being a bad influence, but knew it was because she needed a way to unwind. She'd been so tense for so long. She'd almost forgotten how to have a good time. But as she looked at those around the table, she found that she was genuinely happy. She didn't have to fake a smile. And there were several times that laughter bubbled up inside of her and spilled out.

"I think we should go," Jake breathed into her ear, and she leant into his side, snuggling against him. "You're clearly drunk, and we have another meeting with the prosecutor tomorrow morning."

Emma just nodded. Jake helped her stand up, and wrapped his arm around her waist to steady her.

"I think Emma and I will take our leave," Jake told them, "But thank you all for a great time. It's been great meeting all of you!"

"You're welcome," Logan said with a nod. "We enjoyed meeting you, too."

"Mmm," Emma hummed contentedly as Jake slowly led them out of the bar, stabilizing Emma as they walked. Jake's breathing hitched as Emma husked into his ear, "You're so warm."

"Emma," Jake laughed, "Is that supposed to be a come on?"

"Why," Emma asked innocently, through fluttering eyelashes as he led them to the curb in order to flag down a cab, "Is it working?"

"You're drunk," Jake said with a laugh, as he smelled the alcohol on her breath. "And by that I mean that you're well on your way to being trashed."

"I didn't even drink that much," Emma said thoughtfully, as her brows furrowed.

"Then clearly you're a lightweight," Jake said as he lifted his free hand high into the air, in the way that Emma showed him earlier. Thankfully, a cab appeared right away. He carefully eased her into the backseat and followed, scooting in. He shut the door and called out the address of their hotel to the cabbie.

"You're so sexy," Emma breathed with a predatory look in her eyes, "Do you know that?"

"Oh god," Jake audibly groaned as he felt Emma's hand on his thigh, rubbing circles over the fabric. It took all his restraint not to respond to her touches. Finally, when he couldn't stand it any longer, he grabbed her hand and lifted it away. He met Emma's bright green eyes "Please believe me when I say that I want you," Jake said honestly, "But not in this way. I believe that you need to be sober to properly consent."

"You're such a gentleman," Emma said in a low voice. "You do realize that makes you even more sexy, don't you?"

"Em…" Jake let out an audible groan at the feeling of Emma's lips against his. They cut off his protests. He inhaled sharply, as he turned into the kiss, deepening it. It felt so damned good to feel her against him as she climbed onto his lap. His tongue pushed into her mouth, tasting the sharp tang of alcohol on Emma's tongue. It was yet another reminder that Emma was drunk and could not consent. Jake pulled back, and the kiss broke. "Emma, you're beautiful and wonderful. Hearing all of those stories about how brave and selfless you are has only made me fall for you that much more. I care about you very much," Jake said stubbornly, "But I don't think that you really want to do this tonight."

"But I do," Emma told him. "You… You could make me so happy."

"I want nothing more than to make you happy," Jake replied, "But I have to think that you'd want to remember our first time together."

"We're here," the cabbie informed them as they came to a stop in front of the hotel. Jake moved Emma off of his lap, and pulled out his wallet, handing the cab driver their fare, along with a rather hefty tip. Jake opened the door and climbed out, helping Emma out of the cab. As he steadied Emma against him, Jake shut the door behind him and the cab driver took off in search of his next customer. They were about halfway to the main door of the hotel when Emma came to a sudden stop, lifting her hand up to her mouth.

"Oh god," Emma moaned. "I think I'm going to be sick."

"Trash can," Jake said as he quickly led her over to the trash can and pulled back her hair from her face. He rubbed her back as she retched violently, expelling the alcohol from her body. It went on like this for several minutes before she stopped. Jake offered her his handkerchief, and she wiped away the saliva from around her mouth.

"Why the hell did I drink so much?" Emma moaned.

"Because you were having a good time," Jake said softly. "But maybe you should pay closer attention to how much alcohol you're consuming the next time that you do this." He brushed a strand of hair out of her eyes and placed a kiss to her forehead. "Come on," Jake said as he took her hand, "Let's get you up to the room, and get you into bed." He helped her up to their room and led her inside. He undressed her and dressed her in her pajamas, careful to be respectful of her privacy and her body.

He gently helped her into bed and covered her in a blanket before bending down to give her a soft kiss on her forehead. A sigh of utter contentment escaped him as he left her bedroom and made his way to the bathroom to get washed up for bed.

* * *

 _Hotel Suite_

 _(October 23, 2015 6:30a.m.)_

When Emma's eyes peeled open just after sunrise, she was slightly disoriented to find herself in bed. She didn't remember how she'd got there. A small smile graced her lips as she took note of the warm, soft, puffy comforter that was covering her. With a weak groan she swung her feet out over the edge of the bed and pushed herself up from the comfortable mattress. She padded slowly towards where a light leaked out from under the door. Emma pushed it open. As it swung open, a heavenly aroma seeped into her nostrils. She had to bite back a laugh at the sight of Jake. He had stripped off his dress shirt so that he stood over the stove in a thin white undershirt. She nearly salivated at the sight of him. He looked positively delicious. He was humming for a minute as he stirred something she couldn't see. It was then that he turned around.

"Oh!" he exclaimed in surprise, "Hey, sleepyhead!"

"Hey," Emma gave a soft smile as she wandered over to where he stood. "What's cooking?" she asked as she tried to peer into the pan on the stove.

"Just some eggs and some bacon," Jake told her.

"How very domestic of you," Emma joked.

"God," Emma groaned as she reached up to her pounding head. "How much did I drink last night?"

To which Jake only chuckled, and replied. "A lot."

"There's coffee," he said as he handed her a mug. Emma walked over to the pot, and poured herself some of the liquid. She took a sip, wincing as it scalded her tongue. But it tasted good.

"Did you sleep well?" Jake asked as he brushed at his cheek with the back of his hand. Emma immediately burst into laughter. "What?" he inquired as he tried to figure out what was so funny.

"Nothing…" Emma chortled as she looked away.

"No seriously," Jake said as he wiped at his other cheek, "tell me…"

"Umm…" Emma spoke after she calmed down a bit. "You have a bit of flour," She reached up to wipe his cheek, "Right here…"

"Oh I had flour on my hands," Jake laughed as he walked over to wipe them in the towel. "Must be from making the pancake batter."

"So you're making pancakes from scratch?" Emma asked in astonishment.

"Yeah," Jake replied as if it were no big deal. "Don't you ever cook?"

"Oh gosh," Emma looked away, "I don't think I can tell you that yet…I mean I need to at least know that you'll stick around…" Jake let out a laugh.

"Aww, come on," he pouted, "It can't be that bad."

"You have no idea," Emma said with twinkling eyes.

"Emma," Jake said with a warm tone in his voice, "I promise I'm not going anywhere. In fact, I'm pretty sure that you had me hooked that first night in the bar."

"Really?" Emma asked as she raised her brow. "Okay…" Emma stepped closer to Jake, "Well, let's put it this way… One of my foster families actually banned me from the kitchen after I almost burnt the house down while making baked potatoes." Jake laughed so hard his face turned a bit red.

"Oh, that's nothing," Jake said as Emma shot him a glare. "Everyone has some mishaps when they first start out cooking. I almost blew up the microwave once while reheating a piece of pizza. Given, this was right after coming from the enchanted forest where there was no such thing as a microwave. I'm confident that I can teach you."

"Be careful about that," Emma teased, "I'd hate to burn off your pretty little eyelashes."

"You think they're pretty do you?" Jake asked with a devilish look on his face.

"Mmm," Emma replied.

"So…" Jake cleared his throat, denying himself the desire to reach out and kiss her. "Can I ask you something? What happened while you were in the bathroom last night?"

"Nothing," Emma sighed, "Maya just told me something that unsettled me, is all."

"Do you want to talk about it?" Jake questioned.

"She told me that my old Captain wants to offer me a job," Emma said nonchalantly. "Here in New York."

"And is that something that you really want?" Jake asked, looking uneasy. He wasn't sure what to say.

"I don't know…," Emma brought her fingers up to knead at her temples, "I've thought about getting out of Storybrooke for a while. It… It might be good for me."

"Why?" Jake asked with great concern set on his features, "Have things been rough for you lately? Is someone upsetting you?"

"Ugh," Emma let out a groan as she thought of Regina. "I don't know how I'm supposed to tell you without upsetting you, or making you worry." Emma took a deep breath. "Look, there are some things I haven't told you," Emma sighed as she pulled herself up onto the counter and sat. "I just really didn't want to scare you off, but…I think that now maybe you deserve to know."

 _All those words came undone and now I'm not the only one_  
 _Facing the ghosts, that decide if the fire inside still burns_

"Know what?" Jake asked, before clenching his jaw. He could see the emotions play across Emma's face in rapid succession. She cycled through them so fast, it was almost impossible to pick them all out.

"So... you know that I was the Savior," Emma swallowed, while staring at the floor. "But what you may not know, is that I was also the Dark One for a time." Emma shuddered. "You…uh… know the big fire last year?" Emma asked.

"Y-Yeah," Jake stuttered.

"That was me," Emma said as she looked up to meet his eyes. "I…I nearly destroyed the town."

"Is that all?" Jake asked.

"No," Emma shook her head, "It gets worse...a lot worse."

"You..." Jake stuttered. "You don't have to tell me, if you don't want to."

"You deserve to know about the kind of person you're with, Jake," Emma told him. "Especially, if you can see things getting serious."

"They already are," Jake said. "Emma..."

"My last relationship ended in the death of my boyfriend," Emma interrupted. Emma watched as Jake's expression tightened. "He took the darkness into himself, in order to save me. But in order for me to save my family, I...I had to kill him."

"Emma," Jake breathed, his expression instantly softening. "I...I can't imagine how hard that must have been for you."

"You don't know the half of it," Emma said hollowly, her throat tightening on her as she tried to speak. "His death haunts me the most of all. I used to think that it was because I loved him, or at least I...I _thought_ I did." Emma took a deep breath. "But now I think it haunts me so much, because he loved me and was willing to die for me...and I _still_ don't know if I ever really _loved_ _him_ _back_." Jake opened his mouth to speak, but Emma doesn't let him. "You have to believe me when I say that I wanted to so badly, though."

"Emma," Jake said, his voice full of understanding. "It's okay."

"It's not," Emma says adamantly, her voice raw and passion filled. "It's _not_ okay."

"I just mean...that you have to let yourself off of the hook at some point," Jake argued. Emma couldn't keep herself from visibly wincing at the word. If only he knew how hard it was to get past.

"There's a lot more blood on my hands, than you might think," Emma told him, "I just...think you should know that."

"More than just him?" he asked.

"Yes," Emma responded. "When I first became the Dark One, I was in Camelot for a while. Eventually, I found a way to get us back to Storybrooke. But before we left, I...I had a hand in the death of another. I could have stopped his death, but I didn't."

"Who?" Jake inquired. "Who was it?"

Tears built in Emma's eyes as she held Jake's gaze. "Merlin," Emma answered, as tears built in her eyes. "It haunts me I…I fought the darkness the best that I could, but I wasn't strong enough." Jake opened his mouth to speak, but found himself utterly unable to do so.

"Those things haunt me, Jake," Emma told him. "Every night I see them in my dreams." Emma rubbed her sweating palms on her pajama bottoms, and took a quavering breath. "I'm starting to think that maybe it might be better if I left Storybrooke for a while," Emma told him. "I talked to Archie about it, and he says that it's really hard to constantly be reminded of a trauma. I'm supposed to be the Savior, but these last two years all I've done is put Storybrooke in more danger."

"Emma," Jake breathed, "I highly doubt that's true. And I doubt that the citizens of Storybrooke feel that way either."

"It is true!" Emma shouted. "When I became the Dark One, things changed. I'm not the Savior anymore. Regina is…not me."

"Can I help?" Jake said finally. "I mean…is there anything I can do?"

"No.…not really anyways," Emma responded. "Look, I'd understand if you don't want to see me anymore. I know that you're probably getting a lot more than you bargained for."

"Listen," Jake told her. "I always sort of knew that something had broken you, but not what it was. This doesn't change anything."

"You mean you aren't disgusted?" Emma asked weakly.

"Emma," Jake reached out and delicately nudged her chin, while bringing her eyes up to meet his own. "We both have our own pasts… I know that I may seem noble, but I've also done things I'm not proud of. I've killed people, too. And who is to say that I was fully justified in doing so."

"But it's different," Emma said. "I don't know if I deserve someone like you. Maybe…maybe my punishment for my crimes is being forever miserable."

"No," Jake denied that statement outright.

"I just don't know what I should do," Emma admitted finally. "What should I do?"

"I'm afraid I can't tell you that," Jake said honestly. "I think that in this case, you have to do what is right for you."

"And you would support me?"

"Of course, I…I care about you," Jake said sincerely.

Jake leant forwards just as Emma did the same, before either of them knew it, their lips had connected in a searing kiss…one that chiseled away at the pain deep in Emma's chest. She couldn't help but smile as a wave of pleasure shot through her body. It was a familiar warmth that she hungered for, and one that she once thought was exclusive to Regina.

 _All I have, all I need, he's the air I would kill to breathe_  
 _Holds my love in his hands, still I'm searching for something_  
 _Out of breath, I am left hoping someday I'll breathe again_  
 _I'll breathe again_

Emma felt all of her worries easing away as Jake's tongue ran along her bottom lip. His hands were suddenly in her hair, playing with the loose strands as they fell on her shoulders. Emma's hands ran down his muscular arms and grabbed hold of his lean waist. He let out a moan as her warm hands contacted his flesh where it was exposed by a gap in his clothing. He kissed her harder and more urgently.

Emma pulled away from him as the timer started going off.

"It would seem that breakfast is ready," She whispered breathlessly as Jake's hands continued to roam over her body.

"We can always reheat," Jake responded as he plunged for her neck. His mouth nibbled and sucked at the flesh there as Emma's head fell back. The blonde let out a deep moan, as heat roiled in her stomach, and shivers raced down her spine.

"Oh…" Emma's mind struggled to reply, "Jake." She felt him pull back.

"Are you…" His voice was soft and tentative, "Do you want to do this?" He cleared his throat as he struggled to maintain his composure. "I can stop right now if you…" Jake lost his words as Emma crashed her lips back onto his, roughly.

 _All I have, all I need, he's the air I would kill to breathe_  
 _Holds my love in his hands, still I'm searching for something_  
 _Out of breath, I am left hoping someday I'll breathe again_  
 _I'll breathe again_

Jake felt his breath hitch in his throat as she began to run her hands up his torso, along with the thin fabric of his undershirt. In seconds, the item of clothing was tossed aside. She smiled as a large cross was exposed on a chain draped across his chest. Emma looked at him curiously.

"It was my mother's," He explained as they continued to duel with their deepest desires, "She gave it to me the last time I saw her. I never take it off."

"That's very sweet," Emma replied as she softly ran her hands across his muscular chest. Everything about him seemed perfect to her. His body had just the right amount of muscle on it. He was lean, but he wasn't abnormally thin. And his touch…his touch was the perfect mixture of passion, of softness, and desire. It made her weak in the knees. Another large tattoo of a cross was painted across his left shoulder. She found it sexy.

Jake kissed her softly along her collarbone. He pulled her forwards on the counter as he scrambled to pull down her pajama bottoms, and free her of her clothing.

Emma moaned as she felt his fingers play along the top of her underwear, dancing across the skin there.

"You're so beautiful," he breathed, as he placed open-mouthed kisses on her neck. Emma reached up her fingers tangling into strands that were far too short. A brief image of Regina flickered behind closed eyelids and Emma stiffened.

She knew that if she slept with Jake, then it was truly over between her and Regina. And she wasn't sure if she was ready for that, to be honest.

 _It hurts to be here_  
 _I only wanted love from you_  
 _It hurts to be here_  
 _What am I gonna do?_

 _All I have, all I need, she's the air I would kill to breathe_  
 _Holds my love in her hands, still I'm searching for something_  
 _Out of breath, I am left hoping someday I'll breathe again_

Emma's shot open as she felt Jake's fingers slip underneath the cotton. Her breath hitched loudly and she instinctively reached down, grabbing his wrist.

"Wait…" Emma gasped, breathlessly, her whole body flushed with heat. "Stop!"

"Emma?" Jake met her eyes; she saw uncertainty reflected back at her.

"I…I'm so sorry," Emma told him sincerely, "But I'm not ready. I'm not ready for this. I…I can't." Jake took a step backwards as Emma pushed him away. She launched herself off of the counter and rushed from the bedroom, leaving Jake standing there with a bewildered look on his face.

She ran. Hell, she probably would have ran straight out of the hotel room and kept running, had she not been nearly naked. Frantically, Emma pushed her way into her bathroom and shut the door, locking it behind her. Emma let out a heavy breath as she leant back against the hardwood, and a thump sounded as she let her head fall back against it. Emma let out a sigh as tears sprang to her eyes. Slowly, Emma slid down to the floor, wrapping her arms around her bare legs. It was there that she stayed, unable to move. Emma closed her eyes, and let out a groan. In that moment she hated herself.

She just couldn't understand why it wasn't enough. Here she was dating the perfect guy, and she couldn't let herself be with him, because she was still hopelessly in love with Regina Mills.

She was really starting to feel like a basket case.

 _Open up next to you and my secrets become your truth_  
 _And the distance between that was sheltering me comes in full view_  
 _Hang my head, break my heart, built from all I have torn apart_  
 _And my burden to bear is a love I can't carry anymore._

* * *

 _ **A/N: So that's the chapter.**_

 _ **Just in case there is any confusion, I want to clear it up now. Yes, Emma and Jake are sharing a hotel suite, but they are sleeping in SEPARATE bedrooms.**_

 _ **As you well know, I came pretty close to having them sleep together, but I could not bring myself to do it. I apologize to those that wanted it, but...ugh...I just couldn't.**_

 _ **Please review and let me know what you think! I always love feedback! :D**_


	12. Unpack Your Heart

Title: Make it Without You  
Category: TV Shows » Once Upon A Time  
Author: Alwaysbringback-up  
Language: English, Rating: Rated: M (for language and sexual themes)  
Genre: Angst/General

 **Chapter 12: Unpack Your Heart**

 **Pairing: SwanQueen**

 _ **Disclaimer: I don't own any part of the OUAT universe. All characters belong to Adam and Eddie, the show's creators. I promise that my writing is done purely for recreational purposes only. No ill harm is intended.**_

 _ **A/N: Sorry it took me so long to update! I've been battling a kidney infection, and I've been sleeping A LOT. Still I was able to hash this out.  
**_

* * *

 _Monday, October 26th, 2015_

 _New York City 54th District Courthouse_

 _8:01 a.m._

Emma's stomach was seemingly in knots as she pushed through the main doors of the New York District Court Office. Another buzz at her hip had her letting out another internal groan, as she lifted her phone and activated its display so that she could see the time. She was late, and could only imagine the ADA's impatience as he waited for the lead detective of his case to show. Emma felt dizzy as she made her way through the metal detectors and into the heart of the building. She walked slowly down the hall, her hands stuffed into the pockets of her pea coat.

Emma's jaw tightened as she approached her brown haired, hardheaded, ADA Spencer Porter. He was dressed to kill this morning. He was dressed in a suit that she suspected cost more than her monthly salary. Spencer looked incredibly tense, and his shiny, buffed black dress shoes shuffled back and forth on the marble flooring, as he paced relentlessly in front of the courtroom. He was checking his watch for what Emma could only guess was the hundredth time before he finally looked up to meet Emma's green eyes. A deep sigh of relief fell from Spencer's parted lips, who up until that moment, feared that the detective wasn't going to show. His ice blue cerulean gaze struck Emma and for a moment she feared that he could sense her distress. Things between her and Jake had self destructed, and Emma felt horrible. She didn't see their relationship coming back from it. It seemed that this trip had been like the kiss of death for them. They hadn't broken up yet, but Emma could feel it coming.

"I'm here," Emma announced as she turned her gaze downward and her eyes flicked over flecks of gold and silver in the marble floor, "I'm so sorry that I'm late."

"Don't worry about it," Spencer spoke. His tone was meant to be reassuring, however, as soon as it met his own ears, he realized that it was anything but. His shoulders tightened painfully at his own coldness. "You're here now. That's all that matters," Spencer tried again. Thankfully, this time his tone was much more affable. Spencer let out a relieved breath.

The ADA felt a soft pang of remorse as Emma pulled her hands out of her pockets and he noticed the way Emma's hands were shaking almost violently. "Hey," he said softly as he stepped forwards. "You okay?" He set his attaché case down on the floor, glancing up to meet Emma's gaze.

"Y-Yeah," Emma exhaled. Spencer gave her a skeptical look. "O-Okay so…I probably should have told you this before, but I-I get panic attacks on occasion. And this is sort of a high stress situation."

"Emma," Spencer urged as he stepped forwards, closing the distance between them. "Look at me." He gently reached towards Emma and gently took her by the shoulders. "We've spent the last three days preparing for every possible contingency. I wouldn't put you on the stand unless I was completely sure you were ready."

"But….what if I screw this up?" Emma asked. "I don't want to be the reason this guy walks."

"You won't," Spencer spoke adamantly. "Emma, you're a freaking rockstar," Spencer assured her. "It's going to be fine. I promise. And it'll be over before you know it. Just tell the truth, and everything will be fine."

Emma nodded. "O-Okay."

"Just take a nice deep breath for me," Spencer coached her. "And think of something that relaxes you." Emma took in a deep quavering breath. "Good," he smiled. "Now close your eyes and think of something that relaxes you."

Emma squeezed her eyes shut and focused on a memory. For a fraction of a moment, she could swear that she felt Regina's soft pliant lips against her own, and feel the warm, soft puffs of air on her face. She could even smell a hint of Regina's perfume in the air. Emma felt a smile tug at her lips as her eyes flickered open to meet the eyes of the prosecutor.

"You good?" ADA Porter asked. Emma nodded.

He picked up and tightened his grip on his attaché case and looked Emma up and down. It wasn't difficult to see that Emma, who was usually so composed, was quite unlike her usually guarded self. Spencer tried not to notice too much because he felt very much like he was intruding on her mindset already. The first case they'd worked together had brought a lot of tension with it, but in the end they'd both got what they wanted. Spencer had gotten another tick in his win column and Emma had gotten justice. The more they got to know each other the easier it seemed for them to get along. And, well, once he realized the reason that Emma was so effective he appreciated her even more. Of course, Emma had made it very clear she wasn't interested in anything other than a professional working relationship. It was a mystery to him as to why such a beautiful, passionate, and altogether likable NYPD Detective would have no interest in men or a family. There were rumors of course, which passed through the ADA's office from time to time. Emma had grown up in the system, being bounced around from home to home. It wasn't until recently that she had reconnected with her family, and she still had quite a few commitment issues.

"You ready to go?" Spencer asked, looking at his watch again. He looked at Emma for a long moment. The blonde suddenly had a far off look in her eyes. She looked as if she was a million miles away. Spencer had tried to give her the benefit of the doubt, but now he was becoming concerned.

Emma knew that Spencer had a lot riding on this case. He had a lot to prove. After all, he'd recently been thrust into the position of ADA quite unexpectedly after their ADA retired.

If she was being honest, Emma admired ADA Porter a lot. During her time as a Detective for the NYPD, she had been called upon to testify on several of his cases. And it seemed like the more cases they worked, the more Spencer tried to get her to open up to him. Of course, Emma hadn't understood why at the time, but she did now. He was persistent in his efforts. It's just that Emma feared letting anyone else inside.

Emma could tell that Spencer's intentions were admirable. After all, he was a genuinely likable guy who had been affected by disappointment as much as she had. Only, in his case, he had lost his father, and had been forced to grow up quickly, as he became the man of the family. He had helped raise three of his younger siblings, and had taken care of his mother, who had started to hit the bottle heavily after losing his father, the love of her life.

Spencer took another moment to look after Emma, who was dangerously close to sinking to the ground. On instinct he reached out for the woman, his hand gently grasping her arm just above the elbow. Emma shook her head and quickly looked towards the man that was now touching her so gently.

"Hmm?" Emma muttered, her expression blank.

"Emma," Spencer's voice was suddenly soft and full of concern, "Are you sure you're okay to do this? I can ask for a recess if you're not."

"No... Uh…I mean yeah," Emma said, standing up a little straighter, "I'm ready. Let's do this."

"That's what I like to hear," Spencer nodded, leading her inside the courtroom. Spencer led her to a seat, and sat her down. She sat there numbly, hardly registering what was going on around her.

It was only when she heard her name that she looked up to find the judge's eyes on her. Spencer was looking at her questioningly, almost as if this wasn't the first time her name had been mentioned. Emma hastily stood up, swallowing over the dryness of her throat as she slid towards the aisle. She walked up to the stand, her hands balled into tiny fists. She could hardly remember why she was here, but as she saw the piercing blue gaze of her ADA she suddenly remembered. She was here to put one of the bad guys away. She was there to make sure that Mr. Mendes could never hurt anyone again.

Emma walked up the center aisle and towards the witness stand.

Emma felt herself tremble, and was unsurprised to find that her hands were shaking. She felt dizzy and lightheaded, and clung to reality as tightly as possible for fear that it might slip away. Her heart was pounding in her ears as she was sworn in.

A bible was held in front of her, and she placed her hand atop its cover.

"Please repeat after me," a voice echoed throughout the chamber. "I swear to tell the whole truth and nothing but the truth, so help me god.

"I swear to tell the whole truth and nothing but the truth, so help me god," Emma's heavy voice echoed throughout the courtroom. Sweat began to pool on her forehead as she watched Spencer stand up, preparing to interrogate her. She relaxed her shoulders much as possible. Her head was swimming as she tried to give clear concise responses to his incessant questioning.

"Please state your name for the record," Emma was implored.

"Emma Elizabeth Swan," Emma recited, "Formerly Detective Swan of the NYPD."

"And how long were you with the NYPD?" Spencer asked gently as he gazed down at his notes.

"A full year," Emma replied. "I was stationed at the 54th precinct."

"Why only a year?" Spencer asked. "Surely someone with your exemplary service record would have no reason to leave after only a year."

"Uh…" Emma clasped her hands together in her lap. She was well aware of the true reason she left, but she couldn't tell the whole truth or they would put her in the loony bin. "Uh… Well, it turns out that I had family that I was unaware of," Emma answered, "They needed my help, and I moved to Maine in order to be close to them."

"I see…" Spencer replied, "And you're now the Sheriff of a small town there?"

"Yes," Emma nodded. "I'm Sheriff and still in law enforcement. I daresay it's a little less exciting than working in a large city, but it's still extremely gratifying."

"Mr. Spencer," the Judge Hapley spoke up. "Is there a point to this line of questioning?"

"I'm just establishing the credibility of the witness, your honor," Spencer said. The Judge gave a shake of their head. "Very well. Detective Swan. Could you please tell me about the evening of June 21st, 2013."

"My partner and I, Detective Chloe Stultz, were called to a domestic disturbance call at Aubrey Harris's apartment at 7:47p.m. A neighbor called the police when she heard screaming, and crashes from Aubrey's apartment."

"I see. And do detectives normally respond to domestic disturbance calls?" Spencer asked.

"Actually, no," Emma responded. "But my partner and I were quite familiar with the victim. Chloe and I knew Aubrey personally, and she texted me, pleading for help."

"And how did you know the victim exactly?" Spencer questioned.

"Well," Emma cleared her throat, "We had recently worked a rape case, in which Aubrey was a victim of sexual assault." Emma paused to meet Aubrey's gaze. The brunette was staring at Emma intently. "At the time, my partner and I thought the case was closed, because we arrested her rapist, Duke Posien. He was a student with her at NYU and assaulted her as she was walking home after her evening class. I hope that it's okay of me to say. He…He was convicted of the crime, and he's now serving 15 years in Sing Sing.

"But Aubrey's ordeal wasn't over," Spencer remarked.

"Objection," the opposing counsel shouted, "Leading the witness."

"Apologies," Spencer muttered, "Withdrawn, your honor." Spencer cleared his throat.

"What happened when you arrived to Aubrey Harris's apartment building?"

"My partner and I got out of our unmarked cruiser and headed into the building," Emma recalled. "We had barely made it through the doors when we heard screaming. Someone came running down the stairs, screaming…" Emma took a quavering breath.

"What were they saying?"

"They said… He's got a knife. Please! Help! He's going to kill her." Emma lifted a hand to her face and wiped away the sweat from her forehead. "Sorry," Emma apologized. "Chloe and I looked at eachother and started running up the stairs. I…I think we just sorta knew. Aubrey was in trouble."

"What happened next?"

"We got to Aubrey's floor, and there was…" Emma gagged, as she recalled the horrible memory. "Aubrey was on the floor near the stairwell, and there was…blood everywhere."

"Emma?" Spencer asked gently.

"I-I'm sorry," Emma murmured as she lifted a hand to her mouth, "I need a minute." She took in a deep breath in through her mouth and exhaled. The memory was so strong that she could swear that she smelled the acrid smell of blood in the air around her. She took in another breath, and slowly exhaled.

"Take your time," the Judge said gently.

"What sort of state was Aubrey in?" Spencer asked.

"Bad shape. She'd been stabbed multiple times. She was crying, and was struggling to breathe. There was a trail of blood leading from her apartment, to where Aubrey had fallen near the stairs. She had apparently tried to get away from him, but she was too badly hurt to get far."

"Was anyone else present?" Spencer pressed.

"Yes. Aubrey's boyfriend, Paul, was standing over her and shouting," Emma recalled.

"Is that man in the courtroom today?" Spencer asked.

"Yes," Emma nodded, "He's sitting right there." Emma pointed to Paul.

"Please let the record reflect that the witness has identified the Defendant, Paul Mendes as the perpetrator," Spencer said.

"What was he saying?" Spencer asked.

"He said he wasn't raising a rapist's baby and that he was doing her, Aubrey, a service," Emma answered. Emma let out a shuddering breath. "He actually told her to stop struggling," Emma said shakily, as tears built in her eyes. She couldn't imagine the sort of pain Aubrey must have felt. "Because she was making it difficult for him to abort the baby."

"So he knew about the rape, then?" Spencer inquired.

"Yes," Emma confirmed, "He knew about the rape. Aubrey…uh… didn't want to tell him at first, but Chloe and I managed to convince her to tell him. To this day, I wish I could take it back. I…I'm so sorry, Aubrey. I was wrong to try and convince you otherwise." First, Emma looked at Aubrey, who had tears streaming down her face. Then she glared at Paul, where he was seated at the Defense's table. Unsurprisingly, he refused to meet Emma's eyes. "Paul seemed to take it well at the time. He seemed understanding…even supportive of Aubrey. But it was all a lie."

"Why do you say that?" Spencer asked.

"Aubrey told me that at one point he implied she made it up," Emma voiced. "He called her a whore, and said that she had cried rape to save her reputation."

"Objection, your honor! Hearsay!" the opposing counsel shouted.

"Sustained," the Judge voiced, "The witness's statement will be struck from the record."

"Did Paul know about the baby?" Spencer asked her.

"No," Emma shook her head. "Aubrey refused to tell him about the baby because she knew he wouldn't want her to have the child." Emma paused, and met the gaze of the juror's. "Still, neither Chloe or I could have ever imagined something like this happening. I…It was horrible." Emma's voice broke on the last word. She couldn't imagine the sort of the pain that Aubrey carried with her. "Aubrey has had to deal with too much heartache in her life. And Paul's actions only caused her more pain and trauma."

"Who was holding the knife when you arrived?" Spencer questioned.

"Paul was," Emma replied. "And as soon as I took in Paul's position and the knife, I tried to get in-between him and Aubrey in order to prevent him from hurting her further."

"What did you do next?" Spencer queried.

"I ordered him to get away from Aubrey and drop the knife," Emma continued.

"And was he compliant?" Spencer asked.

"No," Emma replied. "More like defiant. He umm…charged me."

"I just want to be clear and concise with my questioning. Are you saying that Paul assaulted you?" Spencer clarified.

"Yes," Emma nodded. "That's exactly what I'm saying. He attacked me. I…I tried to dodge his attack, but the knife caught me in the side. Here." Emma took another breath, pointing to her side where the hunting knife had torn through her flesh. It was little more than a thin white scar now, almost two years later, but it served as a reminder. "Afterwards, I managed to wrestle the knife away from him and get him down on the floor, while my partner called for an ambulance and tended to Aubrey. She…She was in bad shape."

"Were you badly injured?" Spencer questioned.

"Yes," Emma nodded, "But I didn't think it was that bad at the time. I didn't realize until the paramedics arrived, just how bad it really was."

"What happened next?" Spencer asked.

"Well…I… managed to get the cuffs on him and read him his Miranda rights," Emma swallowed. "I told him I was arresting him for attempted murder. Then the paramedics got there, and managed to stabilize Aubrey. But they told us that Aubrey was bleeding from over half a dozen stab wounds," Emma informed the jury. "Most of them were to the lower half of the body."

"Chloe and I told them about the baby," Emma sniffled, "But there was little that they could do at that point. She umm…she had already likely lost the child at that point. They rushed her to the hospital." Emma paused.

"And what about you?" Spencer inquired.

"Umm…well, when the paramedics got there, my partner noticed I was bleeding rather profusely," Emma cleared her throat. "She pulled my shirt up, and it was then that I saw the wound for the first time. Chloe had me sit down because I was feeling faint. She called another ambulance, because I was losing a lot of blood. She took off her jacket and pressed it to the wound to stop the bleeding."

"I would like to add two more exhibits into evidence," Spencer said as he approached the bench. According to Spencer, they had compiled almost overwhelming evidence against the defendant. They had DNA, fingerprints, medical records, crime scene photos, witnesses, and the hunting knife that was used in the attack.

"Is this you in this picture?" Spencer asked as he pointed to a poster board with a large picture of Emma's torso on it. Emma's fingertips ghosted over her shirt where she knew the thin white line that traced the bottom of her right ribcage was located.

"Y-Yes," Emma answered in affirmation. "That's a picture of me."

"And is this the injury you sustained from Paul's attack?" Spencer pressed.

"Yes," Emma answered again.

"What were your injuries?" Spencer said while looking down at his notes.

"Just extensive blood loss," Emma responded, "Fortunately, he missed all of my vital organs and I didn't need surgery. But I did need stitches. I was also placed on leave for a time because they were concerned I might have contracted HIV. The knife he used in the attack was unclean."

"But you were eventually cleared?" Spencer asked gently.

"Yes," Emma breathed heavily, "Thank god."

"That concludes my line of questioning," Spencer finally announced, "The witness may step down."

"Of course," the Judge affirms, "Just as long as the witness knows to make herself available to the defense for questioning." Emma nodded and gratefully stood up. She retook her seat in the back of the courtroom and let out a deep breath.

* * *

If Emma thought that Spencer's questioning was difficult, the Defense's lines of questioning were ten times harder.

Sweat began to pool on her forehead as she watched the Defense Attorney stand up, preparing to interrogate her. Emma steeled her body against him, her shoulders tight and intimidating. Though her eyes and expression were anything but.

Her head was swimming as she tried to give clear concise responses to his incessant questioning. It seemed like it would never end. It felt like she was being punished. She knew the Defense's game. They were trying to find every possible way to undermine her testimony. They were trying almost desperately to discredit her.

After an hour, Spencer cringed inwardly at how exhausted Emma looked, and he could tell Emma desperately wanted to be done. After a while, even the Defense attorney tried to soften their expression as he spoke clearly, asking Emma to recall every detail of the night she had arrived at the crime scene. For a long time, Emma wondered if she was prepared enough. To her, it looked like Spencer was disappointed in her. She was starting to fear that she was ruining their chances of securing a guilty verdict. She watched as Spencer began to fidget more and more, his eyes catching Emma's and vainly trying to hold them. Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, the Defense attorney revealed that he had no further questions, and Emma was released from the stand.

Emma had never felt so relieved in her entire life. She practically launched herself off of the stand and walked briskly from the courtroom.

Daniel Howlett, ADA Spencer Porter's second chair caught up to her at the drinking fountain.

"Emma?" Daniel said as he leant against the wall.

"Geez," Emma jumped, spraying out a bunch of water as she took a sputtering breath. "You scared me, Daniel."

"Sorry," he said with a sheepish grin. "Spencer sent me. He says that he knows what you're thinking, but you haven't ruined anything. In fact, he's proud of you. The Defense went at you much harder than he ever thought that they would, and you held your own."

"No shit!" Emma retorted. "I mean...what that _hell_ was that?!"

"Let's just say that I've spent lots of time in a courtroom, and I've never seen anything like that before," Daniel laughed. "Seriously, though, Emma, you were great."

"It didn't feel like it," Emma sighed.

"No. I'm telling you," Daniel said in a hushed whisper, "If opposing counsel ever came after me like that I would fricken break under the pressure. But you told the truth and got through it. That makes you a hero in my book."

"Thanks," Emma gave him a megawatt smile.

"Right," Daniel blushed. And by that I mean that he actually blushed, "Well, I've got to get back in there."

"Of course," Emma nodded, wiping at her chin with the back of her hand.

"Spencer wanted me to tell you that lunch tomorrow is on him, if you're interested," Daniel said as he backpedaled towards the courtroom. "So think about it."

"I will," Emma called after him. "Don't run anyone over!" Daniel whirled around just in time to avoid a collision with a nice looking lady, and Emma chortled as he lathered the woman in apologies for almost running her over.

"Swan!" Emma turned to see her old boss, Jaffrey Sinclair rushing towards her.

"Hey, Boss!" Emma said as she met his gaze. "You coming to check up on one of your old Detectives?"

"Well someone had to make sure you don't destroy half of the city while you're here," Jaffrey joked.

"Who ratted me out?" Emma pretended to be affronted. "Was it Krieger?"

"It's good to see you!" Her old Sergeant told her as he gave her a hug.

"You too," Emma said. "So…what brings you to the Courthouse?"

"I actually came to see if you'd take a meeting with me," Jaffrey said honestly, "I figured you couldn't turn me down if I came here in person."

"Sir," Emma sighed, "I'm honored, but…I really should get back home to Storybrooke. I've been here long enough."

"Hear me out, Emma," he pleaded quietly. "Please." Emma met Jaffrey's puppy dog expression and let out a long exaggerated sigh.

"Damn you for pulling out the puppy dog expression, Jaffrey," Emma said with a laugh, "You know that it's my ultimate weakness."

"Come on," Jaffrey laughed, "You want lunch? I'm buying."

"More ulterior motives…" Emma made a poor attempt at keeping a straight face. "Fine. But it better be good."

"I was thinking we could head to Bennigan's," Jaffrey postured. "They have a great menu."

"Sounds good," Emma nodded.

* * *

 _Bennigan's Irish Pub_

 _New York City, New York_

 _1:30 p.m._

It was almost an hour later that Jaffrey was still trying to convince her to take a position in his unit.

"The Police Commissioner met with me personally to let me know just how serious he is about this task force," he told her, "He wants a unit to respond to the most pressing and time sensitive cases. We'll be taking precedent over all other departments."

"I just don't understand why you want me, personally," Emma said honestly. "You basically have your pick of the entire NYPD, and you want me? I was only a Third-grade Detective. And I wasn't even that good at my job!"

"That's bull and you know it! You were more intuitive and worked harder than anyone else at the 54th Precinct," Jaffrey reminded her. "You could find people who had gone completely underground. You solved a cold case no one else could."

"I was just lucky," Emma shrugged.

"Luck had nothing to do with it," he told her. "You're my first and only choice, Emma," he said honestly. "You have an innate gift at finding people and you would be a huge asset to my unit. Hell, I plan on building my unit around you. And I won't take no for an answer."

"Damn! I'm incredibly flattered, Boss," Emma said genuinely, "I really am. But my family is in Storybrooke, and I can't ask them to move away just because I have a shot at my dream job."

"Maybe you wouldn't have to. I'm willing to compromise," Jaffrey said, "I can give you every other weekend."

"What?" Emma's jaw fell open.

"I'm serious about this Emma," the Sergeant said, "You know what a great deal that is. It's practically unheard of. Of course, you'd have to be on call all other weekends. But I can give you two full weekends a month, as well as any vacation days that you rack up. All you have to do is tell me you need them, and I'll consider them sacred. I know how important this is to you."

"What about holidays?" Emma questioned. "Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years."

"I can give you Thanksgiving. But you'll have to pick between working Christmas or New Year's," Sinclair informed her "I can give you one, but not both."

"Okay," Emma nodded, letting out a deep breath. "God damn it, Jaffrey, but you've got me. I've run out of arguments. And I can't say no."

"Are you serious?" he asked happily.

"Yeah," Emma nodded. "With the salary you're offering me, and the flexibility you're offering, I'd have to be an unprecedented fool to pass it up."

"You really would!" Jaffrey laughed. "Okay… So because you haven't been with the NYPD for the last two years, you'll have to submit to a psych test, a marksmanship test, and a physical fitness test. But once you're cleared, all you have to do is come meet with me to fill out the paperwork, and then we can get your gold shield back."

"Great!" Emma breathed. "Can you do me a favor and give me a few weeks to get my affairs in order? I'll need to give notice, and train my deputy to take over the Sheriff's office."

"Sure," Jaffrey nodded. "Let me know if there's anything you need. I'll set up your physical fitness test and your psych eval., and pass along the information to you forthwith."

"Sounds good," Emma nodded. "I'm looking forward to working with you again, sir." Emma stood up and offered Jaffrey her hand. He shook it eagerly, as if it were a legally binding agreement.

Emma's heart was racing and she suddenly felt like she was on cloud nine. At the same time, she was dreading having to tell her parents and Henry about her new job. She knew that they would fight her on it. They'd probably say that she was running from her problems, instead of seeing it for what it really was. It was a chance for her to be happy.

* * *

 _Monday, October 26th, 2015_

 _Storybrooke Main, 118 Mifflin St._

 _9:45 p.m._

Regina was sipping on her signature fermented-cider in her office when the doorbell chimed unexpectedly. Regina had spent much of the last few days hiding out in her office. She had found herself on the brink of tears more often than not, and found it easier to be alone. Slowly Regina pushed her chair back from her desk and stood, walking slowly to the front door. She threw open the heavy door and felt her breath cease as she laid eyes on her unexpected guest. Robin's face was flushed from the cold, as he stood on her porch. His hands were stuffed deep into his pockets.

"Robin," Regina exhaled in surprise. She found herself completely at a loss of what to say.

"Hi… Uh, can I come in?" he asked softly.

"O-Of course," Regina nodded, as she opened the door wide, and stepped back. Robin walked in, and Regina divested him of his coat, hanging on the coat rack just inside the door.

"I…I wasn't expecting you," Regina told him softly.

"I know," Robin nodded, "But I have some things to say to you. Can we talk privately?"

"Sure," Regina nodded uneasily, "We can talk in my office." She led him to her sanctuary, all the while bracing for whatever might come. She could only imagine the sort of things that Robin might have to say to her. After all, she had betrayed him in the worst way. She'd broken his heart and his trust.

Regina shut the door to her office with a click.

"Can I get you some Apple Cider?" Regina asked, trying to be a good hostess.

"No, thank you," Robin said as he sat down on her leather couch. Regina sat down in the chair across the table from him, struggling to meet his eyes. Instead, she settled for staring down at the perfectly manicured hands folded neatly in her lap. "Damn…" he laughed uneasily, "There were so many things that I wanted to say to you, but I...I suddenly find myself unable to recall many of them."

Regina nodded silently, as shifted uneasily under his gaze.

"Robin," Regina said heavily, as she swallowed thickly. "I…I just wanted to say again how sorry I am. You didn't deserve what I did to you, and I would understand completely if you hated me."

"That's just it. I…I don't hate you," Robin voiced after a long moment's silence. Regina's eyes flew to Robin's in alarm. She would be lying if she said she wasn't completely stunned. She expected Robin would hate her forevermore.

"Well, you should," Regina murmured. "After what I did to you, you should loathe me."

"Yeah?" he laughed, as he reached up to wipe a hand roughly over his jaw, "Well that's too bad, because I don't." Regina opened her mouth to reply, but she couldn't manage a single word. Her jaw moved up and down like a fish as she struggled for a reply.

"I…I don't understand," Regina finally managed to mutter. She really couldn't understand it, because if someone had done something similar to her, she could only imagine that hatred would have burned in her heart forevermore.

"I don't hate you, Regina," Rebin repeated. "Don't get me wrong. I was, and am still very hurt. And truth be told, when I left you that night I was absolutely furious with you. I spent hours upon hours hitting the bottle, just fuming. But…eventually I realized how big of a hypocrite that it would make me to hold your actions against you. Especially when I was guilty of the same indiscretions in the past." Regina nodded silently, sensing that he had more to say.

"I committed adultery with you, while my wife was frozen…or at least who I thought was my wife," Robin sighed. "My point is. There was a point when my heart led me to be unfaithful, and break my promise to someone else."

"Still, what I did to you…" Regina began.

"Was wrong… It was so very wrong," Robin finished for her. "I'm not going to lie. It's going to be very hard for me to ever trust you again. But I hope that someday we can be good friends again. I want you to know that I will always be your friend, Regina. You're my soulmate. In some ways, I think that I understand you better than anyone else. For that reason, I will always be here for you." Regina felt tears build in her eyes, and she hastily reached up to wipe them away.

"Sometimes, I think that maybe we rushed into things," Robin replied as he clasped his hands together in his lap, "Because fate told us that we were supposed to be together. I also think that we started a relationship because we needed eachother. We'd both had a lot of heartache in our lives, and needed to heal. But now...now we're both whole again. You mentioned that you were starting to feel trapped, and that is the last thing I want. I certainly don't want you to come to resent me because you feel like I've kept you from your true love. Yes, we're soul-mates, but that doesn't necessarily mean that we were meant to be together forever." Regina found herself speechless.

"Over the last few days, I took the liberty of talking to the fairies, and they made one thing abundantly clear. It's possible to have more than one true love. And after listening to what they had to say, I couldn't help but think that maybe I missed my chance, and Emma became your true love," Robin said with a knowing look in his baby blues. "True love is magic, Regina."

"She is," Regina said sincerely. "She has to be. I love her so much. I think I've known it from the first time we did magic together."

"Then I hope that you two will be very happy," Robin told her. "I'll…I'll have my stuff out of the guest room by the end of the week." Robin said as he stood up.

"Robin, you don't have to…" Regina protested, feeling horrible about making Robin essentially homeless.

"Yes," he said forcefully, cutting her off, "Yes, I really do. The truth is, Zelena could go into labor any minute, and it's time that I be a man and own up to my responsibilities. I've made arrangements for some housing, so you don't have to worry about us living in the forest or anything."

"What about Roland?" Regina asked tearfully, "Will I still be able to see him?"

"Of course, Regina," Robin said gently, "I would never keep you from seeing him. You can see him anytime you wish. He loves you like a mother. Just call me and we can set something up."

"T-Thank you," Regina's voice broke, "That's more than I deserve."

"I should go," Robin said finally as he walked to the door. She followed him to the door. She let out a staggering breath as he did the unexpected and gave her a hug before departing. From the second the door shut behind him, Regina suddenly felt at a loss for what to do. This whole night seemed so surreal. Regina found herself rooted to the floor, as she struggled to process everything that had just happened. So she did the only thing she could, staring absently into the door as if it held all of the answers in the world.

It was Henry that found her there, staring at the door a good fifteen minutes after Robin left.

"Mom?" Henry's concerned voice filled the foyer as he quickly trundled down the stairs. His touch on her arm, had her jumping. "Who was at the door?"

"Robin," Regina said as she turned to meet Henry's striking green eyes. "He wanted to talk."

"And did you?" Henry pressed. "Talk?"

"Yeah," Regina nodded. "We talked. He seemed to have cooled down a bit since our last confrontation. I mean…he was surprisingly understanding about the whole thing."

"That's good, right?" Henry asked.

Regina nodded. "I'm free to do what I want," Regina told him, suddenly feeling incredible relief. She was suddenly in awe. "I can finally be with Emma in the light of day," Regina let out a relieved breath. "I'm...I'm going to go call, Emma." Regina rushed for her office, all the while her heartbeat thundered in her chest. This was the moment, the moment she'd been waiting a lifetime for. Now, if only she could remember where she'd left her phone. Regina's hands were shaking with nerves and impatience as she frantically started moving things around her desk. Finally, as she moved a folder to the side, she found it. She plucked it up and dialed Emma's number. As she waited for the blonde to answer, Regina picked up her drink and downed the rest of it in one go. She was beyond nervous.

She waited anxiously, counting the rings as they came.

Regina felt tears sting her eyes as the phone rang, once, twice, three times, then four times. She heard a click as her call was sent to Emma's voicemail.

'No,' Regina thought. This wasn't how it was supposed to go. Emma was supposed to answer, and then Regina would tell her everything without taking so much as a single breath. Of course then the blonde would tell her to slow down and start over. Afterwards, Regina would repeat everything and tell Emma that she loved her.

"This is Sheriff Swan. I'm sorry but I can't come to the phone right now. Please leave a message after the beep. Beep."

Regina took a deep breath, and spoke from the heart. "I... I was really praying you would answer… God, I miss you so much right now, it's starting to drive me a little crazy." Regina squeezed her eyes shut and reached up to knead at her forehead with her fingers. "I know it's late, but I wanted to call and see how your trip is going. I haven't heard from you since we last talked, so I'm assuming that you've been keeping busy."

Regina paused, taking a moment to gather her thoughts. ' _Say what you mean for once, Regina_ ,' the brunette told herself.

"Listen, I…I was hoping that when you get back that we could have dinner. There's just so much I have to tell you and it's really important. So please give me a call when you get this. Oh, this is Regina, by the way. I...I think I forgot to mention that earlier, but you probably knew that anyway." Regina let out sigh and reached up to pinch her nose with her thumb and forefinger, afraid she was coming across like an idiot. "Okay, bye, Emma." Regina ended the call and dropped the phone onto her desk with an exasperated sigh. "Way to sound like an incompetent fool, Regina," she said to herself.

"I thought it was good," Henry voiced his opinion from the doorway, "It sounded earnest."

"How long have you been standing there?" Regina said as she gave him a look of disproval. "You know that it's not polite to eavesdrop."

"I was just coming to ask you if I can have some ice cream before bed," Henry said calmly.

"I'm afraid not. Your bedtime is in fifteen minutes," Regina replied as she checked the time. "The sugar will keep you up."

"What about if I have one of the sugar free fudge popsicles?" Henry asked, hoping to compromise.

"Very well," Regina relented, "I suppose that is acceptable. So long as you only have one and make sure to take extra care while brushing your teeth tonight."

"Deal," Henry smiled wide, "Thanks, mom!" Regina let out a laugh as he rushed for the kitchen, not wanting to risk her changing her mind. Thank god for Henry. He brought so much joy into her life. She would be forever grateful to Emma for "her little prince" as she called him.

 _Meet me where the truth never bends_  
 _Bring all that you're scared to defend_

 _And lay it down when you walk through my door_  
 _Throw all of it out on the floor_  
 _Your sorrow, your beauty, your war_  
 _I want it all, I want it all_

 _Bring your secrets, bring your scars_  
 _Bring your glory, all you are_  
 _Bring your daylight, bring your dark_  
 _Share your silence_  
 _And unpack your heart_

 _Oh, I'm on your side_  
 _So shed your shadow_  
 _And watch it rise_  
 _Into your darkness_  
 _I'll shine a light_

 _Lyrics are from "Unpack Your Heart," by Philip Phillips_

* * *

 _A/N: So that's it for now! In the next chapter, Emma goes home! Please leave me some feedback!_

 _Only time will tell what happens next! :D Thanks as always for the ongoing love and support! You guys are truly the best!_


	13. Standing By

Title: Make it Without You

Category: TV Shows » Once Upon A Time  
Author: Alwaysbringback-up  
Language: English, Rating: Rated: M (for language and sexual themes)  
Genre: Angst/General

 **Chapter 13: Standing By**

 **Pairing: SwanQueen**

 _ **Disclaimer: I don't own any part of the OUAT universe. All characters belong to Adam and Eddie, the show's creators. I promise that my writing is done purely for recreational purposes only. No ill harm is intended.**_

 _ **A/N: Sorry about the delay in updating. I had to take an unexpected trip because of a family emergency, and it has affected my ability to update. Hopefully, this chapter will more than make up for it. Emma and Regina's long awaited reunion is finally here. Some of you have asked how many chapters are left in the story. To this, I can only say that it's hard for me to say exactly, but I would estimate there are between 7 to 10 chapters left depending on where I divide the remainder of the story.**_

 _ **I also want to thank you guys for all of the support you guys have given me. Every follow, favorite, and review that I've gotten for this story has meant so much to me. It also makes all of the work I've put into this that much more worth it, and I cannot thank you guys enough. So thank you! You guys are truly the best, and I appreciate every one of you! :)**_

* * *

 _October 31st, 2015_

 _Just Northeast of New York City, New York_

The rain poured down over the road in sheets during the cold night of all Hallows Eve as Jake's BMW drove through the ghostlike streets of the Northeast. It was surprisingly quiet, as most people had long since gone to sleep in their own beds. It was chilly for the time of year, and it had been raining heavily for several hours without any pause whatsoever, making the roads particularly slick and fierce for even the most experienced drivers. Emma's hands gripped the steering wheel of the car tightly as she blinked repeatedly. She was exhausted. If she'd done the math correctly, she'd been up nearly 36 hours. She'd been thoroughly tested by the NYPD, before being inducted back into its ranks. She'd been driven to the breaking point, and then back again. Of course, Jaffrey had neglected to tell her that the standards for being inducted into the task force were higher than for the rest of the Department. Members of the task force needed to be able to work two days straight with little to no rest, and hardly any breaks, because they were a rapid response team. They were the first line of defense for all matters of national security, and missing persons cases. Emma was starting to think that their responsibilities were endless. It seemed like every time that she turned around, there was another thing being added to the pile.

"Emma," Jake's voice was soft, but insistent from the passenger seat as the right tire hit the rumble strip on the edge of the road, jarring Emma from her thoughts. She quickly corrected, but Jake's confidence in her was shaken. "Emma, pull over."

"I'm fine," Emma assured him.

"Emma," Jake said as he reached over and placed his hand over hers on the gearshift. "You've been up for the better part of two days. Right now you need to get some rest."

"I'm okay to drive," Emma declared. "Really."

"I know…Look, I know that you're probably fine," Jake agreed. "But just for the sake of it, let me relieve you for a bit."

Emma reluctantly nodded and pulled over, shifting down as she braked and eventually came to a complete stop on the side of the road. Emma shifted into park and unbuckled her seatbelt, before throwing open the driver's side door. Jake watched as she climbed out with a sigh, stepping into the downpour. Jake followed suit, opening the passenger door. When he stepped into the cold rain, a chill traveled briskly down his spine. He looked on worriedly, as Emma started pacing on the shoulder, her hands raking furiously through her hair.

"Emma," Jake sighed, as he walked over to her. "Emma, hey! What's wrong?" She jumped as he reached out for her, his hand closing around her upper arm, momentarily stilling her. "Talk to me," he pleaded. Emma shook her head, her breathing growing heavy as she shook out of his grasp. "Would you please just tell me what's going on?"

"Nothing," Emma huffed, "Nothing's wrong. I just need a moment."

"You're a terrible liar," Jake laughed, earning a glare from the blonde.

"What do you want me to say?!" Emma bristled, as her hands clenched into fists.

"I don't know," Jake snapped. Silence built between them as the rain continued to pour down on them. "How about the truth?" Emma just continued to pace back and forth in front of the car's headlights.

"Are we ever going to talk about what happened in New York?" Jake questioned finally.

"You mean that you need me to define it for you?" Emma laughed. "Things collapsed between us. It felt like one of those awful car wrecks that you just can't look away from. This whole trip…was a…a fucking disaster for us."

"Emma," Jake sighed.

"I'm sorry okay?" Emma snapped, as she slammed her hands on the hood of the car.

"What are you sorry for?" Jake asked. "For telling me you weren't ready?" Jake turned in so that he could observe every expression that passed across Emma's face. "Do you seriously think I fault you for that?"

"It sure as hell seems like it," Emma said. "You've barely talked to me in days. Hell, you've hardly even looked at me since!"

"Because I thought you wanted me to give you some space!" Jake exclaimed.

"And here I thought that you were mad because I rejected you," Emma retorted.

"For the last time," Jake repeated, "I wasn't mad. I'm not mad."

"You're not," Emma repeated slowly.

"No, Emma. I meant it when I said I really like you. That hasn't changed. I respect you, and so if you say that you aren't ready, then I know you're not ready. There are no rules here. Nothing says we have to…to go any further right now. We've only been on a handful of dates."

"God! Could you just stop being so god damned perfect for like five seconds!" Emma hissed, her breathing heavy. "Would it kill you to be a normal human being?"

"I'm sorry?" Jake said, clearly unsure of what to say. The tightness in Emma's shoulders, along with the way she had her hands planted on the front fender told him all he needed to know.

"I can't do this," Emma breathed as she straightened, turned, and started walking away.

"Can't do what?" Jake asked as he started chasing after her. "Would you please just talk to me, Emma? Why are you angry with me?"

"I'm not angry at you!" Emma shouted, as she whirled around to face him. "I'm angry at everyone and everything! _I'm_ the one that ruins everything I touch. God, Jake! Can't you see that you're a million times better off without me?"

"No!" he said adamantly, "I reject that out of hand. That's bullshit, Emma."

"Then you're naïve," Emma snapped as she encroached on his personal space and let out a low growl, pressing her hands to his chest. "Or stupid… Or both!"

"Emma, please," Jake said as he tried to catch her gaze.

"Look," Emma sighed, "The fact of the matter is, I'm not ready for whatever this is."

"What?" Jake asked, his expression suddenly hurt. "Hey, if you need more time, then…"

"No," Emma shook her head.

"No?" Jake voiced, his tone laced with incredulity.

"You could give me all the time in the world, and it still wouldn't be enough," Emma finally admitted.

"What the hell does that even mean?" Jake asked her. He sounded so hurt that it made her feel heartless for hurting him. "I thought we were worth it," he told her quietly.

"I'm sorry," Emma said sincerely, as she met his gaze through the darkness. "But I'm taking the job in New York," Emma told him.

"Are you being serious?" Jake asked her. "You're taking the job? Just like that?!"

"Yes," Emma confirmed. "You told me that I would know what was right for me. This is it."

"Then we have a problem," he murmured gently. "I can't just move to New York, Em. My job and my life are in Storybrooke."

"I _know_ ," Emma nodded.

"So…is this the end for us?" Jake questioned. "I mean…do I even get a say?"

"Well," Emma sighed, "We could try the long distance thing, but that rarely works."

"I…I don't know what to say," Jake admitted. "Look, I like you, but I need time to think about some things."

"Okay," Emma swallowed. "You think about it, and then you get back to me."

"We should get back on the road," Jake said calmly, as he tugged her in the direction of the car. Emma slid into the passenger seat and let out a deep breath as she closed her eyes. Jake shut the door after her. Moments later, she heard Jake slide into the driver's side seat, shut the door, and shift into drive.

"I don't want you to think that I don't care about you," he said into the silence, "Because I do, Emma. It's just...this is hard." Emma nodded wordlessly.

Her eyes fluttered open as she felt his hand squeeze her knee. "You okay?" he asked worriedly.

"Fine," Emma lied.

"Em," Jake pressed.

"I…I don't know," Emma breathed, "I'm having a hard time winding down after what happened this week."

"We'll be home soon," Jake promised. "Just close your eyes and get some rest."

Emma nodded, too tired to fight him on it. She closed her eyes and let her thoughts drift. Somehow, she had to find a way to tell her parents, Henry, and Regina about her new job, without eliciting criticism and hurt feelings. She knew it would not be an easy task. And timing, in this case, would truly mean everything. She quickly drifted off into easy sleep, the sound of the road against the tires, lulling her into a relaxed state.

* * *

 _August 1st, 2015; 1:15p.m._

 _Sheriff's Station; Storybrooke, Maine_

Emma let out a deep breath, trying to alleviate some of her own stress. In an effort to get herself to relax, her good hand massaged the back of her neck absentmindedly as she stared down at the paperwork in front of her. She was tired, and her shoulders ached as she leant over her desk, completing more paperwork. She wrote and tidied most of the information inside. Her left arm was finally out of its sling, and even though she wasn't at a hundred percent, things felt good. Dislocated limbs hurt like the dickens. But at the very least she was on the mend. She could swear that she hadn't worked harder than she had in the past few weeks, but she refused to give up. After all, she'd promised to help Charlie, one of the lost boys, and she fully intended to keep that promise.

"Hey, Emma?" David's soft voice had her looking up to meet her father's sparkling blue eyes.

"Yeah?" Emma replied softly, a yawn traitorously slipping from her lips.

"Have you seen the Gerrard case file?" David asked softly.

Emma let out an audible groan. "Seriously, Dad? I wish you had told me that you still needed it. I put it back in the file room like two days ago," Emma sighed, as she looked up and into her father's eyes.

"Shoot," David looked sheepish. "Sorry."

"No," Emma replied. "It's my bad. I should have asked you if you needed it." She held his gentle greenish blue eyes. They looked to her as if they could easily be part of the ocean. "You need it?" Emma asked, trying not to sound too annoyed.

"Yeah," he replied. "But I can get it." Emma shook her head.

"No. I've got it," Emma said as she pushed back her chair, "You've got actual work to do. I'm just pushing paper around. The fact is, I'm not even sure if I remember where I put it. I'll be right back," David nodded.

Ten minutes later he straightened up as he heard the distinct sound of Regina's heels clicking against the flooring. Sure enough, moments later she appeared looking as perfectly put together as ever. He tried not to pay her too much attention.

"Good day, Regina," David greeted with a friendly smile and a glance in her direction.

"Hey, Deputy," Regina smiled in return. "How's it going?"

"Slow," David replied as he stretched out the sore muscles in his back. "So what can I do for you this fine Saturday?"

"Uh…" Regina swallowed, trying not to seem too nervous. "I'm actually looking for your daughter. I need to talk to her about some paperwork. Is she around?"

"Yeah," David Nolan replied, "She's actually in the file room if you need her. I'm sure she wouldn't mind the company."

"Oh," Regina replied. "Okay. I'll catch her there then. I only need a couple of minutes." David nodded, watching as Regina quickly headed in the direction of the file room. He couldn't help but stare after her as the brunette walked out the door on the other side of the station. He also couldn't help but wonder if he was missing something important. Emma had seemed out of sorts lately. And after everything they'd been through it was hard not to feel protective of his little girl. He was determined to find out what had been making his daughter so distracted the last month.

There was something about the way Regina's lips had twitched when she'd heard Emma was around. The sparkling look in those usually dimmed, typically reserved browns, was so unlike what he was used to. David finally shook his head and went back to working on his case.

Emma was searching through the tenth box along the far wall when Regina found her. She grumbled and cursed as she checked another box. "I could have sworn that I put it back in the right place," Emma muttered. She finally came to the name alphabetically. "Ah ha," she breathed victoriously as she pulled out the folder replaced the lid and lifted the box, setting it atop another.

"I see you've got most of your strength and range of motion back in your shoulder," Regina breathed, causing Emma to whirl around. "I guess that's what happens with time. Things heal."

"Hey, you," Emma's beaming smile had Regina nearly melting in a pool at the blonde's feat. Emma's breathing became unsteady out of nervousness, as she found herself the sole subject of Regina's interest. She felt Regina's hungry and predatory gaze linger over every inch of her, taking in every curve, every dip. Then, Regina encroached on her space quickly. Emma barely had time to react as she was shoved backwards against a couple rows of boxes, toppling one to the floor, with a loud thump. Emma nearly followed it, but Regina caught her by the shirt, saving her.

"Regina," Emma gasped, "What are you doing? If I've upset you in some way just tell me. There's no need to..."

"Stop talking," Regina remarked breathlessly as she took Emma's lips in a bruising kiss. Emma's left hand relaxed as the brunette, with two very skilled hands, took her mind from her, and the folder dropped to the ground. The brunette's lips twitched in a smug grin as she knew exactly what she was doing to Emma's state of mind. Emma moaned into a second passionate kiss, during which Regina assertively pushed her tongue into Emma's mouth. The blonde could scarcely choke out a single word. Her conscience protested, however, when the sound of a zipper coming down on her jeans reawakened her to the situation at hand.

"Re-Regina?" Emma managed to choke out between moans, as Regina pulled back for a brief respite. After all, even she needed to breathe on occasion.

"What, Baby?" Regina whispered into Emma's ear as she trailed soft, warm kisses along the Sheriff's strong jaw, on the way to the hollow behind Emma's ear.

"Wha…What are you doing?" Emma managed to get out. Her hips bucked slightly forwards against a hand that slipped inside the denim. Emma moaned again as Regina pushed her against the nearby wall, holding her there with her body.

"Well, let's see, I guess it would appear that I'm taking my _girlfriend_ in the file room since I haven't been able to steal so much as a single peak of her for the last week," Regina answered somewhat acerbically, her voice laced with anger and frustration, although Emma could tell it was more out of bitterness than anything else. "Why?" she asked innocently, "Is that a crime?"

"N-No," Emma moaned again as skilled, nimble fingers slipped beneath cotton boyshorts, and found the spot they sought without delay. "B-But you want to take this somewhere a…a little more," Emma's breath hitched as Regina's mouth nipped at the pulse point on the blonde's neck, "M-more private. W-We're kind of in the middle of the station. I mean… anyone could walk in at any moment…"

"I know," Regina smiled, with mischief swirling in her deep brown eyes, "But isn't the possibility of getting caught kind of exciting?" Emma's breathing labored as her body reacted to roaming, hungry hands; fingers slipped past soaked folds and Emma's knees nearly buckled. "Just think," Regina husked in her ear, "Your father could walk through that door at any minute… He could see me buried knuckle deep in you. Fucking you." Emma moaned, as she felt way more turned on by that thought than she expected she would be. She tried to speak, to offer some sort of rebuttal, but Regina swallowed them as her mouth took Emma's possessively. Labored breaths filled the room as Emma started hiking up Regina's pencil skirt. As Emma's fingers danced against the bare skin of Regina's thighs, Regina's eyes slammed shut.

"Oh, Fuck," Regina groaned, as she relinquished temporary control.

"That can be arranged," Emma husked mischievously, as she pressed her lips to Regina's vocal cords, feeling the rumble of the brunette's voice as she responded..

"Please," Regina's throat opened in a sudden cry of desperation.

Temporarily taking control, Emma spun Regina and pushed her up so she was sitting on a box a few rows up from the floor. Regina clung to Emma's shoulders as blonde's fingers found purchase, repaying the brunette for her own touches. Together they stole moments of sterling passion. Regina found herself flying faster than she would have ever imagined. The sheer effect of the blonde's presence was everything. As Regina regained her wits about her she set about giving Emma the pleasure she deserved. "Emma," Regina's moans echoed off the walls of the small room, as Emma brought her to the edge.

"Now look who is buried knuckle deep," Emma lowly mumbled.

Regina was clenching hard around her fingers, and biting hard into Emma's shoulder, when Emma heard David's approach from behind her. Her hand flew back, retreating from deep inside the brunette without warning, and Regina's eyes, which had been rolled back in her head during orgasm, quickly opened once more. The ghost of a question hung in her molten chocolate eyes, but the look on Emma's face said it all, just before David's voice echoed through the room around them.

"E-Emma?" David called as he stepped around the corner of the poorly designed L-shaped room. "You find the case file yet?" Emma stepped back, and Regina's fingers slid from their position inside the blonde. Quickly, Emma zipped up her pants as she dropped to the floor to straighten the file she had so recklessly abandoned there on the floor. Finally, after a heart-stopping moment, she straightened up with it in her hand. And did so not a moment too soon.

The sight David's eyes met as he rounded the corner left him feeling confused.

He could do little but let his eyes dart back and forth between the two women. They were standing feet away from one another, their chests heaving wildly. Emma's eyes never left Regina's deep chocolate orbs, as she walked past David, shoving the folder into his hands as she went. He spun around, watching her retreat. Then he slowly turned around to give Regina a questioning look, and the look he saw in Regina's eyes said it all. He'd just interrupted something, and Emma was pissed off about whatever had been interrupted. Perhaps they had had some sort of a fight. After all, that was the most likely explanation, wasn't it?

He suddenly felt very out of place. His jaw slackened a little as his mind struggled to work overtime on this particular situation.

"Close your mouth, Charming," Regina muttered bitterly as she passed him, "The flies will get in."

Regina briskly strode out of the room, anger bubbling up in her veins at the way that Emma left her, without a word. Emma was already back at her desk, pushing paper around its surface. Regina latched onto the blonde's wrist and wrenched her up from her chair. Emma fought against her, as the brunette dragged her in the direction of the hallway. Emma winced at the slight pain in her shoulder, as she let herself get pulled along. Regina pulled her the entire distance to the bathroom and then shoved her inside. Emma cowered against the wall of the bathroom as Regina pushed her in to the small room and then locked the door behind them.

"What in the hell was that?" Regina asked, sounding hurt as she spun around to lock eyes with Emma.

"What do you mean?" Emma bit out.

"Don't act ignorant," Regina hissed. "You know exactly what I'm referring to."

"I'm sorry," Emma said sarcastically, "Am I supposed to be elated that we were a mere few seconds away from getting caught by my Dad, Regina?"

"Emma," Regina breathed out, her voice a low alto, "I-I'm sorry, okay? I just…missed you. Can't you understand that?"

"Of course I understand," Emma shot back. "You don't think it's been hard for me, too? Because I'll have you know that watching Robin put his hands all over you has been torture, Regina. But that doesn't fucking mean that we should get so reckless as this! We could have been caught! And then what?"

Emma groaned as a phone started ringing, interrupting the moment. She looked to Regina expectantly, but the brunette only looked back at her and said. "It's not mine," Regina said as she offered up Emma her phone as proof.

"Regina," Emma began, but the scene in front of her started to flicker as her mind lost its grip on it, and she felt it slip away.

* * *

 _November 1st, 2015; 12:50a.m._

 _Just West of Boston, Massachusetts_

"Damnit!" Emma growled as she roughly scrubbed a hand over her face. She was suddenly feeling quite agitated.

"What?" Jake's eyes darted to her face worriedly.

"I was having such a good dream," Emma murmured, "Well, more like reliving a memory really... And now it's ruined." Emma noted how the car was suddenly silent. "And to top it all off, I missed the damned phone call anyways."

"Maybe they'll call back," Jake offered hopefully.

Sure enough, Emma's phone started ringing again.

Emma quickly opened her eyes, and reached up to scrub the sleep from them. Her eyes darted to where the phone was lying next to Jake's right hip on the driver's seat. In a fit of pure exhaustion, she'd tossed her phone onto the driver's seat when she'd first climbed in. She flinched slightly as Henry's ringtone filled the space around her. Because of her exhaustion, it sounded more like nails on a chalkboard than a ringtone.

It rang once, twice, as Emma's hand searched for it. Finally after making several passes, her hand closed around the device. She accepted the call and lifted the phone to her ear.

"Hey, kid?" Emma's grated and exhausted voice filled the receiver, "What are you doing calling me at this hour? And what on earth are you still doing up? It's way past your bedtime." Emma pulled the phone away to see exactly how late it was. Then she audibly groaned. Regina was going to be furious with her. "God, your mom is going to kill me, then you, and then me again. It's 12:50 in the morning!"

"I know, Mom," Henry replied. "I'm sorry. I was just getting worried about you. You guys were supposed to be back hours ago. You missed Trick or Treating."

"I know. I'm sorry I missed it, Henry," Emma sighed, "But I promise I'll make it up to you. Maybe… Maybe we can go together next year." Emma paused and raked a hand over her face.

"It's fine," Henry said softly. "Are you okay? You sound tired."

"Of course I'm tired," Emma, laughed, her voice slurring slightly with fatigue. "It's one in the morning. Look, I'll call you in the morning, okay? I don't want you to get in trouble."

"No! Wait!" Henry said excitedly. "Please?"

"What is it, Hen?" Emma groaned.

"You're still coming home, right?" Henry asked.

"Of course, kid," Emma, replied. "We're on the road right now. Why would you ever think otherwise?"

"You told Mom you would be gone a week," Henry reminded her, "But it's been longer than that."

"I know," Emma admitted, "Look, some stuff came up, but we're on our way back now. I promise. I'll…I'll be back tomorrow." Emma let out a tired sigh as she was met with silence.

"So tell me about Trick or Treating," Emma encouraged him. "Did you at least have a good time with the other kids?"

"Yeah," Henry gushed, "And I got tons of candy. I wish you had been there, though. Mom confiscated a lot of it when I got home," Henry told her. "She said that it wouldn't be healthy for me to eat it all."

"It's only because she cares," Emma defended, "Eating too much candy will give you're a stomach ache, you know?"

"Ugh," Henry bemoaned, "You sound so much like Mom, right now."

"That cannot be true!" Emma whined, "You take that back. You take it back right now!"

"Nope!" Henry argued. "I won't take it back. Especially because it's the truth. Like it or not, I'm starting to realize you and Mom are a lot alike. You try and act like the cool parent, but I know better."

"Hey!" Emma protested, earning a chuckle from Jake. "I'll have you know I am _very_ cool."

Emma heard a rustling noise, and some faint arguing. "Henry, what are you doing up? It's one in the morning!" Regina said angrily.

"Busted!" Emma taunted, "I told you, Buddy. Nothing gets by your Mom."

"What was that?" Regina said, as she heard Emma's voice. It was loud enough to be detected, but unfortunately it was not clear enough for her to discern who it was. "Are you seriously on the phone right now?!

Henry whined, "I just wanted to… I didn't mean to…"

"I don't care what you intended. You're in trouble, mister, and I mean big time!" Regina hissed. "Unless you're calling the police, you don't need to be calling _anyone_ at one in the morning."

"I know," Henry said, "But technically…"

"But what?" Regina snapped impatiently, "Who is it that you are talking to?"

"I was just calling to check up on Ma," Henry said as he tried to keep the receiver out of Regina's grasp. "She should have been back hours ago. I just wanted to make sure she was okay, and not dead in a ditch somewhere." Regina would never admit it, but the imagery Henry painted for her sent a shiver rocketing down her spine. She felt a surge of panic.

"Give me the phone," Regina ordered.

"No!" he whined, "I'm not finished talking to her yet."

"Henry Daniel Mills!" Regina ordered, her voice even more stern than before. "Give me the phone right now, or you're grounded for a month!" Emma heard more rustling as Henry relinquished the phone, and it changed hands.

"Emma?" Regina greeted. Emma felt her stomach lurch as the brunette's voice finally came through the line clearly. "Emma Swan, tell me that you haven't crashed and aren't in a ditch somewhere!" Regina demanded. Emma let out a little groan, and lifted a hand to her head. She suddenly had a raging headache that pounded with every beat of her heart.

"Uh… hey, Regina," Emma said tentatively. "Look, please don't be angry…"

"Did you not hear me?" Regina said worriedly. " _Tell_ _me_ you haven't crashed your car, or I'm seriously going to flip out!"

"Regina, calm down," Emma laughed. "God, I don't ever remember you being this melodramatic, and you're practically the queen of drama!"

"Careful, Miss Swan," Regina teased, "Those sound an awful lot like fighting words to me." Then. "If you haven't crashed your car in a ditch somewhere, then why would I be mad at you?"

"Because of Henry," Emma began softly, "I tried to tell the kid he should be asleep, but he wouldn't listen."

"Did you, now?" Regina's lips twitched up into a smile. "It sounds like I'll make a parent out of you yet."

Emma let out an exasperated sigh. She knew that Regina was teasing, but for some reason it struck a bit of a nerve. Instead, Emma said, "I hear that I missed trick or treating."

"Yes, you did," Regina told her. "But consider yourself lucky. The weather was abysmal."

"You're telling me," Emma said sympathetically. "It's been raining since we left the city."

"When will you be home?" Regina asked curiously.

"Uh… Probably not until tomorrow morning. I guess it sorta depends on whether we stop or not. But as it stands now, we plan on driving through the night," Emma told her.

"Oh…" Regina hummed softly. "Well in that case, please be careful."

"Damn," Emma joked, "Well, I guess that means that I won't be doing any more drag racing… It's such a shame, because I'm really good at it, too."

"Emma," Regina said warningly, her voice betraying her own feelings.

"Kidding," Emma laughed, "I'm kidding, Regina."

"You'd better be, or I will wring your neck," Regina threatened.

"So bossy," Emma laughed.

"I'm being serious, Emma," Regina said thickly, "If anything were to happen to you…"

"Relax, Regina," Emma cut her off. "Nothing is going to happen to us," Emma reassured her gently. "We're being careful. Jake is driving right now, and I'm going to relieve him in a few hours."

"Okay," Regina replied. "Hey," Regina's voice softened, "I...I know that it might be out of bounds for me to tell you this, but I've missed you."

"Me too," Emma admitted. "I'm sorry that the trip went longer than usual," Emma apologized, "it's just that…."

"Something came up," Regina said good-naturedly, "I know."

"Still," Emma sighed. "I'm sorry. I know you tried calling me a few times, but the timing was never right, and I didn't have a chance to call you back."

"It's okay," Regina replied. "I understand you were busy. It's just that I'm worried that with all of your running around that you neglected to take proper care of yourself." Emma swallowed thickly as she realized just how true that statement was.

"Heh," Emma replied finally. "You got me there." She took a deep breath. "But I promise that I'll remedy that once I'm back."

"Emma," Regina sighed, "How about we talk about this more later?"

"That... That sounds good," Emma replied. "I should really get some sleep," Emma couldn't fight the loud yawn that escaped her. "Okay," Emma exhaled. "I'll try and text you and Henry, when we get there."

"That would be much appreciated," Regina said gratefully.

"Is Henry still there?" Emma asked hopefully.

"Yeah," Regina replied tentatively, "But he's fallen fast asleep, and I'm not entirely sure it would be a good idea to wake him."

"Oh," Emma exhaled, "Yeah. That's okay. I'll talk to him tomorrow." Emma paused to glance at Jake. He seemed to be focused on the road. "Night, Regina," Emma said softly.

"Good night, Emma," Regina reciprocated.

* * *

 _November 1st, 2015; 9:27a.m._

 _Sheriff's Station; Storybrooke, Maine_

Emma yawned as she skimmed over the black and white text neatly written in the case file that she currently holding tightly in her hands. David had gone to get more coffee, and so she was left alone temporarily. Emma picked up one of the photos from a recent string of break-ins in the town and studied it. Emma shook her head, and sighed out of sheer frustration. She was missing something, and she knew it. Only, she couldn't figure out what it was. Emma looked up as David neared her desk, with two coffees clutched in his hands. Emma tossed the file back onto her desk, and reached out to take the coffee from her father, when it was offered. The exchange was quick, and precise.

"Thanks," she smiled gently, although it didn't quite reach her eyes.

"You're welcome," David smiled. "I just figured you could use it. You look like hell today." He studied her for a long moment, trying to discern what it was about Emma's demeanor and expression that seemed off. To him, it looked as if Emma hadn't slept in days. He watched as Emma took a tentative sip of the Coffee he'd made, before she ultimately set it down on the desk.

"You look exhausted," David said finally. "Is everything okay?"

"It's fine," Emma replied as he rubbed her eyes with her thumb and forefinger, trying to remove some of the sting in them. They were sore, and slightly bloodshot. For a moment, Emma saw stars, then, as she eased up on the pressure, and removed her fingers, she saw orange. Emma kept her eyes closed for a long moment, wishing she could take a nap. Finally, she opened them, and squinted as they became used to the lights in the Sheriff's station once more. "I just didn't get a chance to sleep much last night," Emma replied honestly. "Apparently the cat naps I took in the car counted for very little."

"Then you should go home and get some sleep," David told her. Emma looked at him questioningly.

"I'm okay," Emma protested.

"Emma," he said sternly. "It's okay. I can hold things down for a few hours. Go home. Get some sleep. Come back in the afternoon."

"Okay," Emma smiled. "Thanks! I owe you one," she said gratefully as she stood. She plucked up her jacket from the back of her chair and walked briskly for the doors. As she pushed open the door that lead onto Main Street, Emma looked up to find herself face to face with the woman who had captured her heart a long time ago.

"Emma," Regina breathed, while greedily drinking in the sight of the blonde, "I was just looking for you."

"Hey," Emma smiled. "I…." Emma froze, as the thought seemingly occurred to her for the first time. She had never texted Regina to let her know she was home. "Oh shit," Emma groaned as she reached up to smack her own forehead in frustration. "I'm so sorry. I…I forgot to text you."

"Hey, don't worry about it," Regina said softly as she reached up to Emma's face, gently peering into dark green eyes she'd missed so very much. "I figured as much. It's okay." Emma just nodded. Regina noted how the blonde suddenly was somewhere quite far away. She had an almost glassy look in her eyes. "Emma?" Regina stepped closer, "Emma, Dear, are you all right?" Regina questioned worriedly.

"What?" Emma's voice cracked.

"I said are you okay?" Regina said as she forced Emma's eyes to meet her own.

"Oh…uh…yeah," Emma nodded enthusiastically, as if to compensate for her tiredness. "Fine. Just a little tired." Emma suddenly noticed how close Regina's face was to her own. Emma swallowed hard. It would be so easy to just close the distance between them, and to take the woman to be her own. In her mind's eye, she actually envisioned it happening. She allowed herself to imagine how good it would feel. It had been so long. After a struggle, Emma managed to shake herself out of it, stepping back. "I should…I should go. It was good to see you."

"Emma," Regina said worried as she started chasing after the blonde. "Emma wait!" Emma, however, didn't seem to hear her as she opened the door to her Volkswagen Beetle. Emma felt a spike of alarm, as an arm suddenly blocked her from getting in.

"Regina, what are you doing?" Emma questioned.

"You're not driving," Regina told her. "You're practically dead on your feet, and I'm not letting you get behind the wheel right now."

"Regina," Emma protested in a huff, "I'm…"

"Don't you dare say you're fine," Regina yelled. "I don't know what you are exactly, but fine is not it."

"Look, it's just been a long week, and I," Emma stopped talking, her breathing heavy as she met Regina's chocolate brown eyes.

"And you what?" Regina questioned.

"I really want to fucking kiss you right now," Emma said as she leant towards the older woman, clutching her by the shirt. Regina felt the breath hitch in her lungs, at the mere mention of it. The anticipation was enough to drive her insane. Thankfully, only several heartbeats passed before Emma followed up on her promise.

Emma tugged the brunette closer at the very same moment that Regina lunged for her. Regina felt her world wobble on its axis, as Emma's lips collided hungrily against her own. Regina wasted no time before threading her fingers in Emma's hair, and pulling the blonde closer still. Her tongue skimmed across Emma's bottom lip, begging entrance. After a heartbeat, Emma granted her access and Regina's tongue pushed inside, eliciting a moan. She'd never tasted anything quite so sweet, as Emma's mouth. She was in love with the way that blonde tasted. The truth was that she could easily spend the rest of her life, reveling in the blonde's kiss. Still, Regina knew they needed to talk about a lot of things. Reluctantly, almost mournfully, Regina relinquished her hold, and retreated, wrenching her mouth from the blonde's.

"Emma, I'm…" Regina started apologizing.

"Forget about it," Emma shook her head, "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that. It was stupid. I'm so tired that I wasn't really thinking about the consequences. I'm…I'm just going to…"

"No!" Regina said as she seized Emma's face once more. "No, Emma, that's not what I meant. What I meant to say is that we really need to talk. I just...don't want to repeat past mistakes. You deserve more than that." Regina paused, desperately trying to reach the blonde with her words, "Are you available to do lunch tomorrow?"

"I don't know…" Emma sighed.

"Please?" Regina said softly, "There's something I really need to tell you. It's important."

"Okay," Emma agreed. "Yeah, I guess I can do that."

"Good," Regina breathed, clearly relieved. "Now, let's get you home," Regina said as she poofed Emma into her bedroom. Emma felt two strong hands steady her, as she was momentarily left reeling. The fact that she was thoroughly exhausted, did not help matters. Regina, seemed to pick up on Emma's unsteadiness, and held the blonde close to her, as the blonde stumbled.

"Damnit, woman!" Emma hissed, "Can't you at least warn me before you do that?!"

"Sorry," Regina laughed. "I always forget to warn people."

"You're not really sorry, are you?" Emma said, as she pulled her shirt over her head. She was past caring if Regina saw her in a state of undress. Regina who caught the movement out of the corner of her eye, gasped quietly.

She was so tempted to walk over and divest the blonde of the rest of her clothes. She wanted to take Emma so badly on her bed, but knew that she needed to do things right by the blonde. She'd already taken enough, and Emma deserved better. That included exercising control in situations such as this. Still, Regina couldn't bring herself to turn away. Her eyes eagerly drank in the bare expanse of Emma's back and shoulders. She swallowed hard as she noticed the muscles ripple in the blonde's back and shoulders. The blonde pulled the shirt free of her arms, tossing it to the bed. It took all of Regina's self control not to touch the blonde. Thankfully, Emma made the task easier. She walked quickly over to her chest of drawers, and opened the middle drawer, pulling out a fresh shirt. She slipped it over her torso and walked back towards the bed, surprised to see that Regina was still there, though the brunette hadn't spoken in nearly a minute.

"Regina?" Emma asked as she met Regina's gaze. "You okay?"

"I'm fine, dear," Regina assured her. "Now get some sleep," Regina said as she led the blonde to the bed and pushed her back onto it. "I'll see you tomorrow." She placed a quick peck on Emma's lips, and then disappeared from sight.

* * *

 _ **A/N: I thought that this would be a good place to leave it for now. Please leave me some feedback and let me know what you think! I don't know about you, but I'm kind of proud of Regina for making the difficult choice. (Though at this point, you guys probably just want some more SwanQueen!)**_

 _ **There's a big chapter coming up next chapter. Emma and Regina are supposed to have lunch, but something just might throw a wrench into Regina's plans. Stick around to find out what I mean.**_

 _ **Thanks for reading! :)**_


	14. Addicted to You

Title: Make it Without You

Category: TV Shows » Once Upon A Time  
Author: Alwaysbringback-up  
Language: English, Rating: Rated: M (for language and sexual themes)  
Genre: Angst/General

 **Chapter 14: Addicted to You.**

 **Pairing: SwanQueen**

 _ **Disclaimer: I don't own any part of the OUAT universe. All characters belong to Adam and Eddie, the show's creators. I promise that my writing is done purely for recreational purposes only. No ill harm is intended.**_

 _ **A/N: Hey, guys! You probably didn't expect to see anything more from me quite so soon, but I've been sitting in my Mom's hospital room for the last few days, and writing is one of the ways I've managed to keep my mind off of the stress of what is going on. Things have been pretty rough for me and my family, but hopefully will be better soon.**_

 ** _Some of you wondered if the flashback in the last chapter actually happened, and the answer to this question is yes._** _ **Emma was dreaming, but was dreaming of something that actually happened.**_ **_I tried to transition into the flashback, and_** _ **it totally backfired. Lol.**_ ** _I think it only wound up confusing people. I will try to tweak it and make it better._**

 ** _This entire chapter is a flashback as well. And, well, I'm kind of nervous about it, to be honest. I think it's one of those chapters that you will either love or absolutely hate. Personally, I hope it's the former, but I guess I'll just have to wait and see what you guys think. I will warn you though, it's pretty hot and heavy. This chapter just sorta wrote itself quite honestly. I just wanted to give you guys some hot and heavy SwanQueen before things blow up in the next chapter! Please forgive me if you hate it. I'm not excellent at writing sex scenes, but I certainly tried._**

 ** _If I could rate this chapter, it would be sort of M+._**

* * *

 _September 11t_ _h_ _, 2015_

 _108 Mifflin Street_

 _Storybrooke, Maine_

 _I don't know just how it happened;_ _  
_ _I let down my guard..._ _  
_ _Swore I'd never fall in love again_ _  
_ _But this time I fell hard._

Emma couldn't help the sound that escaped her throat, as she was slammed rather hard against the wall outside of Regina's bedroom, knocking the air from her lungs. Regina let out a sharp hiss, as Emma's body rebounded and Emma stumbled against her, pushing Regina backwards. Thankfully, Emma's reflexes were superb. She managed to grab Regina by the shirt, and pull the brunette back into her before the brunette fell to the floor. Teeth collided unexpectedly as Regina careened into the blonde, and Emma and Regina's lips became locked in a heated battle. Regina moaned loudly into Emma's mouth as they continued to weave down the hallway, paying no attention to their surroundings as they moved.

Their two bodies melded together, so desperately and tightly pressed together that it was as if they were yearning to be one. The truth was, they couldn't bear to be separated another minute. Hands roamed and explored anywhere and everywhere they could reach over their clothes. Loud moans escaped as hands skated over planes and curves, dipping and delving as they moved. There was certain urgency to both of their explorations. They'd been starved of each other for so long, too long. As their kisses deepened, each perusal of the other's mouth grew in length and in depth. Tongues tangled, receded, delved, and explored.

Regina gradually grew more audacious. Emma felt Regina nip at her bottom lip, perhaps a little too enthusiastically, tearing open the plush surface with her teeth. Emma subsequently wrenched her mouth away from the brunette's with a soft hiss, as she felt the sting of Regina's bite. Her chest heaved up and down, her breathing heavy and erratic, as she fought to replace the air in her lungs. Slowly, the blonde's tongue darted out to investigate the site of the trauma, and Emma moaned as she tasted blood. She swiped it away with her thumb as she met Regina's almost sheepish expression. The brunette, no doubt, felt a little remorseful to have caused the blonde any discomfort. But Emma would by lying if she said that she wasn't just a little heartened by the brunette's enthusiasm.

Emma chuckled, as Regina mumbled a quick, "Sorry, darling."

"That's okay. I think I always knew you were sort of a biter," Emma mocked, with a genuine smile full of fondness. Regina laughed loudly, and Emma's thumb slid over Regina's swollen bottom lip, in a gentle caress as she gazed deep into dark chocolate eyes. They were so expressive and gorgeous; they drew Emma in, and drowned her in warmth.

 _Guess I should have seen it coming,_ _  
_ _Caught me by surprise..._ _  
_ _I wasn't looking where I was going,_ _  
_ _I fell into your eyes._

"Hi," Emma smiled, her words still breathy, as she attempted to catch her breath. She was sure that she hadn't taken a real breath of oxygen, since crossing the threshold of Regina's front door.

"Hi," Regina chuckled.

"Here," Regina said with a twinkling in her eyes, as she noticed the faint swelling in Emma's lip. "Let me kiss it better." And then she pulled Emma into a softer, but altogether ravenous kiss, as if she were starved for a taste of the blonde.

 _You came into my crazy world like a cool and cleansing wave._ _  
_ _Before I knew what hit me baby you were flowing through my veins..._

When Emma had appeared at her door, Regina hadn't even let her inside before she started attacking the blonde with almost desperate fervency. It had been too long since she had even gotten a moment alone with the blonde. It had been three weeks of torture, of having to admire the blonde from afar. Three weeks of longing and heated daydreams full of imagining what it would feel like to have the blonde again. But nothing…absolutely nothing could compare to the real thing. If they were lucky, they got to exchange glances from across the diner at Granny's, but only when people they were in the company of weren't looking.

"We're never going to make it to the bedroom at this rate," Emma laughed as the kiss broke. Regina laughed too, and by that I mean she _really_ laughed. Her low throaty laugh was almost melodic as it echoed loudly through the hallway. Mirth danced in Regina's eyes, and it warmed Emma's heart, her soul.

"No, I suppose not," Regina agreed, but then she just laughed again and hungrily claimed Emma's lips with her own.

Emma's hands tangled in Regina's hair as the blonde moaned into another heated kiss. God, she was in love with the way that the brunette tasted. It was so addicting.

 _I'm addicted to you,_ _  
_ _Hooked on your love,_ _  
_ _Like a powerful drug_ _  
_ _I can't get enough of,_ _  
_

 _Lost in your eyes,_ _  
_ _Drowning in green_ _  
_ _Out of control,_ _  
_ _What can I do?_ _  
_ _I'm addicted to you!_

Emma kicked off her boots, and Regina her heels, as they set into motion once more, clumsily maneuvering together, as they sought their destination. Emma laughed into the kiss as a picture on the wall was jostled, and dropped to the floor with a clunk. However, Regina didn't seem to care, and it was quickly forgotten about. Regina let out a chuckle of her own as Emma stumbled into a small table halfway down the hall.

"Oww! That's going to bruise," Emma groaned into the kiss. But it was clear that she wasn't really bothered by it. Their fervent kisses continued as if they both needed the other to breathe. It was almost as if their mouths were fused together, as they stumbled down the long hallway. Emma inhaled sharply as she felt Regina's fingers dig into her hips as the blonde stumbled. The blonde was suddenly grateful to Regina for saving her from falling. Finally, they made it to Regina's door, and Emma groped blindly behind her for the handle, as Regina pressed her against the door.

Emma moaned loudly as Regina's lips found the exposed skin of her neck, and attacked it vigorously with her mouth. It felt so damned good it was driving Emma wild with desire. Emma's hand kept slipping from the handle, as her concentration was broken and she was momentarily pulled elsewhere. God, Regina Mills was going to be the death of her. Emma just knew it. After what seemed like an eternity, Regina took pity on Emma, and reached for the knob herself and pushed it down. She surged forwards, her body colliding with Emma's.

"Fuck," Emma exhaled sharply as the door-crashed open. And Regina impatiently pulled Emma over the threshold, taking control of the blonde's mouth once more. She couldn't bear to wait any longer to take the blonde.

"The things I can't wait to do to you," Regina husked in her ear, as she reached for the hem of Emma's sweater, and yanked it upwards. Emma lifted her arms and helped Regina rid her of the garment. Regina claimed Emma's lips once more, with a degree of passion that was almost alarming.

"Regina," Emma breathed as she hesitated and pulled out of the kiss. Regina's perusal was insistent, however, because the brunette's mouth was back on hers instantly. Emma moaned loudly as Regina's tongue pushed into Emma's mouth, chasing the blonde's tongue around the expanse of the blonde's mouth with a certain deftness that was unparalleled. Nobody she'd ever been with could even come close to Regina Mills, in skill or passion. The brunette's kisses and touches never failed to send chills down her spine, or shots of heat to Emma's core. Emma didn't know if it was because of the intensity and depth of her feelings for the woman, or if it was just because Regina was just that good, but Emma was addicted to the way that her lover made her feel. "Damn, you taste so fucking good," Emma rasped, as Regina pulled away for much needed oxygen.

"Oh, Emma," Regina gasped, as her fingers danced across Emma's stomach. "God, I haven't been able to stop thinking about you all week."

"Regina," Emma's brow furrowed in confusion. For some reason the brunette's admission made everything seem that much more real. She was suddenly very afraid they were both crossing a very important line that they'd drawn in the sand. They were becoming hopelessly attached to one another. In fact, it seemed like Emma couldn't be happy without the older woman to brighten her days. She was in love with Regina, and she found herself wanting more and more from their encounters.

 _Midnight blows in through the window,_ _  
_ _Dances round the room..._ _  
_ _Got me hypnotized,_ _  
_ _I'm getting high on the perfume._

"Thank god for an empty house. The good news is that can be as loud as we want." Regina caught sight of the button up shirt, currently forming a barrier between Regina and her goal. "Ugh. Did you have to wear that shirt? Now I know you're trying to test my patience." Regina's fingers deftly started undoing the buttons of Emma's shirt as she explored Emma's mouth, jaw and neckline with her lips, teeth, and tongue.

"Oh god," Emma moaned as Regina found the spot on Emma's neck that drove her crazy. "Regina," Emma gasped between hitching breaths, as the brunette's mouth threatened to steal all coherent thought from her, "I…I know that I'm not supposed to f-feel this way, but I…I feel like I n-need to be honest with you. I… This isn't… just sex… to me anymore." Emma's hands latched onto the brunette's narrow hips and squeezed.

"I know," Regina murmured between kisses, as she gravitated back up to Emma's lips, kissing her almost lazily. "I know, Emma. It's more to me, too."

"It is?" Emma questioned. "Wait," Emma said as she struggled to pull away. Regina seemed to hear her this time, because she instantly stopped her motions, and met Emma's green eyes. "You mean to tell me that I've been feeling guilty this whole time, and you've been feeling the exact same way?"

"Yes," Regina nodded, her eyes shimmering. "Yes, Emma," Regina confirmed as she reached up to frame Emma's face with her hands. "Now please…just touch me, or I think I might honestly die." Emma smiled, as Regina stepped into the kiss, and their lips collided almost hungrily. Emma gasped sharply as Regina's hands darted to the front of Emma's jeans, unbuttoning the single button. She slid the zipper down, and reached back up to Emma's hips, preparing to tug down the tight fabric.

 _I couldn't live without you now,_ _  
_ _Oh, I know I'd go insane,_ _  
_ _I wouldn't last one night alone baby,_ _  
_ _I couldn't stand the pain!_

"Baby, I…I've changed my mind," Emma murmured between kisses as Regina continued divesting Emma of her clothes. Regina's hands suddenly came to stop and stilled on Emma's hips. The brunette ceased to breathe completely as panic flitted across her features. She didn't know if she could stop. She hadn't even let herself think about the possibility that Emma might just walk away at some point. The truth was, she wasn't sure she could bear it, and there wasn't a way she could ever be prepared for it. She needed Emma like she needed air or water. The blonde had become a part of her, had wheedled her way into her heart, her soul.

 _Oh god_ , Regina thought. _Please._

"W-What?" Regina squeaked. "You mean you don't …"

"Oh! No… That's not what I…" Emma began shakily. "Shit," Emma said as she grabbed Regina by the cheeks, and met the brunette's quickly misting eyes. "Hey…I'm sorry. I-I misspoke," Emma said softly. "Please don't be upset. What I meant to say is that I want to…to give you the thing you want most. Your fantasy, what was it?"

"Are you being serious right now?" Regina asked softly as she blinked and tears leaked from her eyes.

"Yes," Emma nodded, adamantly. "I'm completely serious. I…I might not be ready to talk about my fantasies yet, but I…I'm ready to try something new with you if you want."

"Emma…" Regina sniffled.

"I'm sorry," Emma apologized as she wiped away Regina's tears and kissed the woman on the nose. "I ruined a perfectly good moment, didn't I?" Emma sighed. "Maybe I should just go." Emma let out a shaky breath. "Do you want me to just…?"

 _Stay tonight_  
 _Don't come morning, don't come light_  
 _They may be lies, but say that we'll be alright_  
 _If we stay tonight_

"Emma," now it was Regina's turn to calm the blonde. "Stop. You didn't ruin anything, okay? You just took me aback. I want you to be sure."

"I am sure," Emma said honestly, with a shrug. "I want to please you."

"Enough to want to fulfill one of my fantasies?" Regina questioned, with a knowing look in her eyes.

"Enough to want to fulfill them _all_ ," Emma answered confidently. "Why, are you scared?" Regina nodded softly, and she knew it was okay to be scared. Emma would never think less of her for feeling that way. After all, sometimes it was the people you trust the most that you're the most frightened of telling, for fear that it will change their perception of you.

"A little. I just don't want to make you do something that you don't feel comfortable in doing."

"And yet you won't even give me the chance to decide whether it is something I want to do or not," Emma teased.

"You really want to know?" Regina spoke timidly.

"Yes," Emma replied.

"I uh…" Regina's heart swelled as she saw Emma trying to grapple with her own shyness. A flush appeared on her chest, neck and cheeks. Emma brushed her hand softly along Regina's cheek. The touch was meant to be reassuring. "I...It's in my dresser drawer." Regina purposely omitted the fact that she had had Emma in mind when she purchased the item. She had never felt quite so embarrassed as she had leaving that store. Her cheeks had flushed a deep crimson and she had purposely tried to avoid the gaze of the checkout clerk that obviously found her attractive.

Emma's heart started to beat faster and faster in her chest. Her palms started to sweat profusely. "Is it a…."

"Strap on," Regina finished breathlessly. "Yes."

"And who did you imagine would partake in that particular activity with you," Emma asked nervously. "When you bought it?"

"God, Emma," Regina said, walking closer to Emma's heated body. "Do you really have to ask that question?" the brunette asked incredulously. "Because all of my fantasies only involve one person." Emma swallowed, feeling her heart begin to race as she waited on baited breath. Slowly, Regina moved closer, capturing Emma's lips passionately with hers. Emma moaned into the kiss.

"Do you miss the feel of a man?" Emma asked softly, as the kiss broke.

"No," Regina replied.

"Liar," Emma teased while waggling her finger at the brunette, "You're forgetting. I can always tell when you're lying."

"Maybe," Regina breathed shakily. "I…I miss it sometimes. Don't you?" Regina panted as she tried to take control, pressing her lips to Emma's. And just like that, they were back to letting their desire consume them. As the kiss broke, Emma let out a tremulous breath, her hands shaking as her fingers tangled in Regina's hair.

"Do I have competition?" Emma asked, feeling jealousy burn hotly in her stomach. "Are you and Robin…?"

"No," Regina hissed suddenly, as she met and held Emma's gaze. "No," Regina repeated adamantly, this time a little gentler. She just couldn't bear the thought that Emma thought such a thing.

"It's okay if you are," Emma whispered. "God, I shouldn't have even asked… Just forget that I…" Regina stopped Emma's rambling with a kiss. Her tongue pushed into Emma's mouth, eliciting a moan as she ran it over the roof of the blonde's mouth. Emma's hold on her tightened as she kissed the brunette back with everything she had, drawing out the kiss until her need for oxygen won out over her desire.

"No one has touched me except for you," Regina told her in a rasped voice as she pulled away, "Only you." Emma closed her eyes as Regina slid her hand up to the space above Emma's collarbone, leaning over to whisper in the blonde's ear. "So what do you think? Are you feeling adventurous?"

"Oh, fear not," Emma said as her eyes met Regina's. "I'm going to satisfy you in ways you can't even imagine," Emma promised, feeling rather excited at the idea of pushing their boundaries. "Let's try it," Emma breathed.

Regina felt her body start to throb all over as images of what they were about to do flashed behind her eyes.

"Emma," Regina breathed shakily. She was still hesitant, "Are you sure?"

"Yeah," Emma smiled, kissing Regina softly. Together they paused at the dresser, mere steps away from where Regina held the object. Emma's mouth grew dry as Regina pulled out the drawer and reached inside, pushing around several items before she finally pulled out the leather harness. Emma took it from the brunette, running her fingers over the smooth, well-crafted leather. Emma quickly pushed down the fabric her jeans, and underwear, before ultimately trying to kick her way out of them. Emma exhaled sharply, as the denim fabric didn't want to let go of her and she nearly fell over, but she was fortunately able to catch herself. The last thing she wanted was to make a complete fool of herself in front of the brunette. After kicking the fabric away, Emma slipped into the leather harness, not sure how to work the straps. Her fingers fumbled with it clumsily. She felt out of her element.

 _My hands are shaking_  
 _This is a complicated love with me_  
 _Keep your eyes closed, I've seen it baby_  
 _I've seen where this goes_

"Regina?" Emma's breath was hardly audible, but Regina had no problem hearing it in the silence of her bedroom. She whipped around.

When Regina turned around, with the silicone phallus in hand, her jaw dropped slightly, as she took in the sight before her. The throbbing between her legs only seemed to grow with each passing breath as she thought about what they were about to do. Emma was clumsily trying to tighten the straps with one hand, while the shirt still adorning her upper body hung lazily from her shoulders. Emma looked so incredibly beautiful that it honestly took Regina's breath away. The blonde's flushed skin and fumbling hands told her that Emma really wanted this too.

It was comforting to know that the younger woman was that deeply invested already. The thought made Regina's heart pound hard in her chest. She couldn't help but think about all of the things she wanted to try with Emma (not all of them sexual). Regina set down the phallus on the top of the dresser.

"Here," Regina hardly breathed as she stepped forwards, eager to help. Emma's eyes closed as Regina's body encroached on the small space between them, eliminating it almost instantly. She could feel the heat diffuse between their bodies. Regina bit down on her lower lip softly as she tried to suppress a moan. She carefully removed Emma's shirt, throwing it back to the floor where she felt it belonged. For a brief moment Regina couldn't help herself and she ran her hands softly over all of Emma's soft, warm skin. Emma opened her eyes as Regina ran her hands slowly over her shoulders, then inwards and down.

"You are…," Regina breathed in amazement, " _Everything_."

Both hands and fingers raked slowly down over Emma's chest, pausing briefly at two swollen peaks. Emma moaned as Regina hefted her breasts and squeezed them, spurring more sensations. Emma looked fleetingly into Regina's eyes. Her breathing quickened again as Regina moved even closer, devouring the sight of her naked body. She pressed her lips to Emma's throat and let out a throaty moan, kissing her way downwards to the blonde's collarbone. Slowly Regina lowered herself to her knees, kissing the blonde's chest and stomach as she went down.

"Emma," Regina's voice was a low, husky alto. Emma's eyes opened as Regina continued to slide her hands downward. Her thumbs ran briefly down Emma's midline before she slid them outward again to slide down Emma's sides. Finally, she gripped Emma's hips firmly. "God, you're so beautiful," With several adjustments, and tugs on the leather, Regina was able to secure the leather in place. A kiss later and Regina was attaching the silicon phallus to the harness.

"I've always wondered…," Emma tried to speak but found her throat unbearably dry as she looked down to see the new appendage. Emma swallowed, and licked her lips. "Just how much will I be able to feel?" Emma asked.

"There's a spell we could try," Regina said softly. "if you're comfortable. It would make the strap on a sort of extension of you, and you would be able to feel pretty much everything that a man would." Emma met Regina's gaze and held it. "I guess the question is, do you trust me, Emma?" Regina asked. Emma didn't really trust her voice, and so she just nodded. Regina stood up.

Emma placed a series of butterfly kisses on Regina's lips as the brunette leant forwards. Emma couldn't help but smile against Regina's mouth. There were no words to express how she was feeling. Regina was everything she could ever want and more.

When they were finally ready, Regina backed Emma up slowly. When they reached the bed, she pushed Emma gently backwards. Emma quickly wriggled her way back to the pillows, where she finally allowed herself to sink into the soft mattress.

In the blink of an eye, Regina ridded herself of all of her clothes. Emma supposed that sometimes having magic came in handy.

"Feel free to take this slow," Regina told her. "I want to make sure that you're completely comfortable before we do anything too daring."

Slowly, Regina crawled up from the foot of the bed.

"This is your last chance to back out. Are you sure about this?" Regina asked as she trailed one finger up the inside of Emma's thigh.

"Regina," Emma breathed, "I think I want this just as much as you do." Emma swallowed, "I'm just a little nervous… I've umm…never really used a strap on before."

"I'm sure we'll figure it out soon enough," Regina spoke reassuringly, as she hovered closely over her lover. Emma, feeling impatient, reached up for Regina's right hip at the same time Regina lowered her lips to Emma's own. The kiss was slow, a long drawn out perusal of Emma's mouth. It was exploratory and expressive all at the same time. Regina moaned as her body sank a little ways over Emma's middle, causing the appendage to brush against Regina. Regina slowly pulled back, looking into Emma's sea green eyes.

Emma watched as Regina scooted off to the side slightly.

"What are you doing?" Emma asked shakily.

Regina met her eyes, and held them as she slowly leant down over the appendage. Emma's hips jerked off of the bed, as Regina took her mouth the toy, licking a small circle around its tip. Emma squeezed her eyes shut and fireworks exploded behind her closed eyelids. Regina was right. She could seemingly feel everything.

"Regina," Emma moaned without restraint, feeling unbearably turned on all of the sudden. It was an almost painful throbbing and yearning for the feel of Regina.

"Can you feel that?" Regina asked with a wicked smile, as she lowered her mouth to the toy once more. Emma groaned as she felt Regina's hand curl around the base of the shaft and her mouth wrapped around its tip. Slowly, Regina took the length of her into her mouth.

"Fuck," Emma hissed, as her hips jerked again. Emma had never felt pleasure quite like it before. She could finally understand why men found it so enjoyable. "Regina ahhhhh," Emma moaned loudly as she reached for the brunette's head, weaving her fingers into shoulder length dark brown strands. "I…I'm never going to," Emma paused to let out another deep moan as Regina's tongue swirled around the tip. "To be able to last… if you keep doing that."

Regina slowly released the toy with an audible pop and looked up to meet Emma's eyes. The blonde noticed that Regina's pupils were darkened in arousal.

Regina made to straddle the blonde, but Emma intercepted her movements, and flipped her onto her back, following the brunette closely.

"I think this will work better if I'm on top," Emma said as she claimed Regina's lips. She grabbed the shaft with her hand, in order to guide it to Regina's opening. Regina moaned as Emma directed her body so that the phallus brushed her inner thigh, and then her opening. Emma wanted to know how it would feel.

"Wait," Emma breathed, as she reached down to tease Regina's thighs. "Are you wet? Or do we need lube?"

"See for yourself," Regina spoke with a devilish smirk. Emma's fingers danced to the juncture of Regina's legs. Her thumb slid over Regina's bundle of nerves effortlessly, and dipped into wetness. Regina's slit was practically dripping with juices, and Emma suddenly had the desire to use her mouth.

"Christ," Emma gasped, as her fingers encountered slick molten heat. Regina was positively drenched. "You're soaked."

"You make me so fucking wet, Emma," Regina husked into the blonde's ear as the blonde leant low over Regina. Emma moaned loudly as she felt Regina's chest brush against her own. And when Emma pulled back to look into Regina's eyes, the brunette claimed Emma's lips with hers. The kiss was thorough and deliberate.

"I'm going to fuck you now," Emma told her between kisses. "Tell me if I'm hurting you."

"Fuck," was all Regina could manage.

Emma positioned herself, and took the length of the shaft into her hand. She guided it the rest of the way to the brunette's opening. Emma wasn't sure how comfortable it would be, but figured this was the best position for them to try first, since Emma wasn't accustomed to using a strap on. Very slowly, Emma moved her hips, pushing into the brunette. Slowly Regina took an inch, and then another and another. She could tell that Emma was trying to be considerate of her and ensure her comfort, but it was driving her wild. Finally, her impatience got the best of her and her hips jerked off of the bed, taking the phallus deeper into her body. Regina moaned loudly in ecstasy, as Emma suddenly filled her to the hilt. Emma, in turn, let out a low, deep moan as she felt Regina's wet heat truly surround her and encompass her. She could tell that it had been a while for the brunette, because it was deliciously tight. Slowly Emma withdrew, moving her hips so that the toy slid out almost all of the way, before she pushed back into Regina, filling her again. The sensation had her moaning. Regina's legs wrapped around Emma's lower back as she sought to keep the blonde closer, and pull the blonde's length deeper inside of her.

Hips collided frantically, as they sought to find a rhythm, and finally, with a long deep moan from both of them they both found it. Regina's hand reached up to the back of Emma's neck, pulling the blonde's mouth roughly against hers as she moaned desperately into the blonde's mouth. She'd never felt desire and passion quite like this before, not even with Robin. There was something about the way their bodies could move together so intrinsically, so effortlessly, and Regina knew that it had more to do with their love for one another than it had to do with the act itself. Emma and Regina had to have been made for eachother, and this wasn't the first time that she felt that way.

"Fuck," Regina panted as all of the sensations left her starting to feel like it might be too much, "You feel so good." Sweat steadily built on Emma's body, as they moved together on the bed. Regina's hold on Emma's body tightened as their sweat slicked bodies started to slide against eachother. As the fatigue started catching up with her, Emma struggled to hold herself up over Regina's body. Regina sensed this. "I'm so close," Regina moaned, as she felt her abdominal muscles coil up tighter and tighter. She knew that an explosion was inevitable.

"That's it," Emma said, feeling the telltale flutter of Regina's inner muscles. "That's it, Baby. Just let go."

"What about you?" Regina asked breathlessly.

"Don't worry about me, love," Emma told her with a smile, and a deep lingering kiss. "This is about you."

"No."

"No?" Emma laughed. Emma's hips moved with renewed vigor, picking up the pace slightly as Regina's body hungrily responded to her every movement. Regina's hips began moving in soft circles, using the motion to stretch her inner walls deliciously. Regina was getting close. The blonde gasped as Regina's hips continued pushing off of the bed, meeting her every thrust.

"God, Emma," Regina groaned loudly, and the sound was almost guttural.

Regina pushed her upper body slightly off the bed in order to steal a kiss from Emma. The kiss deepened, as Emma thrust harder and harder. Regina wasn't prepared for Emma's hand to lift from the mattress, in an astonishing feat of strength. Without warning, Emma reached down between them and her thumb pressed hard over the bundle of sensitive nerves, rubbing small circles over it. That was Regina's undoing. Within seconds, the pleasure skyrocketed out of control. The sensations were lifting her up and higher and higher off of the ground without any promise of ever coming back down. Emma swallowed the sounds of Regina's loud cry as the brunette climaxed. As soon as she could manage it, Emma planted her hand back on the mattress, her hips jerking as she tried to prolong Regina's orgasm. She could feel the brunette's inner walls clench around her, as the brunette road out the waves. "Emma," Regina gasped in the Emma's ear, the blonde's name like a spoken prayer. "Oh, Emma. I'm so…" Regina's voice cracked as tears abruptly sprang to the brunette's eyes. She couldn't have told the blonde why she was so emotional.

Emma lost her momentum, her hips stilling.

"Regina?" Emma's eyes met the older woman's worriedly. "What is it? Oh, god. Did I…Did I hurt you?"

"No," Regina shook her head, "On the contrary, you're amazing. You're so amazing, and perfect. I just…."

Regina laughed, feeling embarrassed at having a sudden breakdown.

"Shh," Emma whispered as she pressed a kiss to the brunette's temple, "Shh…I know. Me too."

"I'm sorry. I really wanted to make you feel as amazing as you've made me feel," Regina told her.

"Hey," Emma breathed softly, her green eyes twinkling as she looked down from above, "You have. That felt…so fucking good that I can't even put it into words."

"But you didn't…" Regina let her voice trail off as she met Emma's eyes, "Did you?"

"No," Emma told her honestly, "But it's okay. I'm so spent right now that I honestly don't think I can go another round. Emma gently pulled out of Regina, and squeaked as Regina flipped her onto her back.

"Scoot back against the pillows," Regina told her.

"Regina, you don't have to…"

"I want to," Regina told her.

"God," Emma groaned.

"Regina will do just fine, dear," Regina responded.

"I'm going to ride you now," Regina told her with a wicked glint in her eyes, as she guided herself onto the phallus.

She rocked backwards and forwards, undulating her hips as she did so. It felt so incredibly good. Moans slipped from her lips with each time she slid back onto the toy.

"Regina," Emma moaned as she rocked backwards pretty aggressively, ratcheting up Emma's desire even more. "Baby, you have to let me touch you," Emma pleaded, her hand grasping Regina's hip tightly. Finally, Regina gave in, letting Emma hold her there.

Emma moaned as a small rush of moisture leaked from the brunette and trickled down onto her own body. Regina was trying to ride the waves of pleasure as best as she could, although it was very hard to do because her mind was overwhelmed with the amount of sensations that wracked through her body. Luckily, Emma helped her through it, directing the woman's hips. Emma squeezed her eyes shut as she too was brought to the edge. It surprised the blonde how much she could feel. Emma could even feel Regina's walls clench around the toy.

Every so often when the woman above her clenched on the toy, Emma would feel a powerful tug. It told her that the brunette was truly milking every rock of her hips for pleasure.

A couple of more minutes ticked by, and Emma found herself focusing on all of the positive ways her body responded to each of Regina's touches. It was at moments like this where she could feel absolutely everything that Emma was in awe of the human body. Regina tried to stay as focused as possible. Sure, she wanted to find release, but to her, pleasing Emma was more important. She was determined to give the blonde the orgasm of a lifetime.

Emma seemed mesmerized by how unbelievably gorgeous Regina was as she rocked back and forth on top of her. Even after having taken Regina many times, the whole thing felt extremely surreal. Part of her was extremely optimistic, while the other was sure that it couldn't last very long. It was only a matter of time until the brunette came to her senses and realized this was all a mistake. Emma wasn't sure if she'd be able to handle it if that happened. There simply was no going back after Regina Mills. Emma knew she would never find someone who was half the person Regina was. Emma was brought out of her own thoughts as Regina let out a particularly loud moan.

Finally, it was too much. Regina cried out, shuddering as her body plummeted into another mind numbing release. Hearing Regina chanting her name over and over was unbelievably amazing. "Emma," Regina moaned, "Emma. Oh fuck. I'm cumming… Emma, cum with me. Emma….ahhh." Regina's brain couldn't process any more information, and all at once her nerve endings seemed to be on fire. Emma followed soon after, her whole abdomen clenching as her orgasm hit her hard.

"ReginaAAAAAHHHHH," Emma screamed, her whole body seizing up as wave after wave of pleasure hit her. Aftershocks of her orgasm slammed into her in rapid succession, causing her to nearly black out.

The brunette moaned, her body slumping forwards slightly. For a long moment, Emma held her still. Regina's jaw set against itself as she reluctantly started to move once more. The inward shift had Regina letting out another moan. The brunette's inner walls clung to the toy, not wanting the separation, the dissociation from her lover. Slowly, carefully, Regina began to lift herself off of the now glistening toy, leaving the phallus left exposed to the cool air of her bedroom. Breathlessly, Regina dropped next to Emma's side. The blonde, sensing Regina was still in another place, simply wrapped her arms around the woman and held her against her body. Regina shifted, her head lying on the warm pulsating skin of Emma's chest. Regina let out another sigh as she listened to Emma's thundering heartbeat.

"That was amazing," Emma breathed.

"Mmm," was the only intelligible sound Regina could make in the back of her throat as her exhausted body drifted off into a peaceful, comfortable sleep. A smiled graced her lips as she dreamed of Emma.

 _Gonna feel it baby_  
 _Oh I don't wanna cry_  
 _I know we'll get to tomorrow and say goodbye_  
 _That's what I'm asking for_  
 _Tonight..._

It was an hour or so later that Emma slid out of bed, in order to pick up her ringing cell phone from the floor. She winced as the tight leather straps started to chafe and dig into her skin, but decided to suck it up and ignore them for the time being. Regina had drifted off to sleep on top of her and Emma hadn't had the heart to wake her simply so that she could remove the contraption. Emma slipped out from underneath Regina, and quickly pounced off of the bed, rushing for where her jeans lay discarded on the floor. Frantically, she searched the pockets and pulled her phone from the back pocket. Quietly, she headed for the bathroom. Once she was inside she shut the door, and flipped it open.

"This is Emma," Emma spoke tiredly.

"Hey, Emma, it's David," the man sounded equally exhausted. "Look, I know that you were supposed to have the night off, but we really need you here. There's been a small fire at Jefferson's place."

"Is everyone okay?" Emma questioned.

"Yeah. Yeah," David replied. "The fire department treated Jefferson and Grace for smoke inhalation, but they are fine."

"Yet you still need me there?" Emma inquired in a whisper.

"I tried to tell him that you were off tonight, but Jefferson asked for you by name," David breathed as he ran a hand over the back of his neck. "He insisted that he must have you. He's worried that it might be arson, and he seems to trust you."

"Don't know why," Emma laughed, "I hit him over the head with a telescope once."

"That's because he drugged and kidnapped you," David reminded her. "And for whatever reason, he likes you."

Emma let out a sigh. It hurt to keep her eyes open.

"Okay…. Yeah. I'll uh…I'll be right there," Emma groaned. "Tell him I'll be there as soon as I can."

"How long do you think it'll take you to get here?" he asked.

"Not long," Emma said quietly. "I've just got to take a quick shower and get dressed. Give me fifteen minutes."

"Okay," David replied. "Thanks."

Emma flipped her phone shut and set it on the bathroom counter, before going to work on loosening the straps. When she was finally free, she stepped out of it and set it on the counter. She turned on the water, taking a quick shower to work out the stiffness in her muscles, as well as clean the sweat off of her body. Within a few minutes she was slipping into a change of clothes. Emma's eyes fell on Regina as the brunette rolled over, mumbling something in her sleep. As quietly as possible, Emma sidled over towards Regina, planting a feather light kiss on the woman's forehead. She had been looking forward to actually staying a little while, and perhaps even stealing a few moments, but it seemed like it was just not meant to be. It seemed that life always had other plans.

Without making a noise, Emma slipped from the room, shutting the door behind her with a soft click. She padded silently down the hallway, plucking up her boots from the floor as she went. She walked noiselessly down the stairs and out the front door, locking it behind her. For some reason, she knew that Regina would be disappointed when she woke to find herself alone. Emma could only hope that her quick note and apology would lessen the disappointment.

Regina stirred just before the sunrise, to a soft, almost gray light. Regina rolled over, and let out a soft moan, feeling a twinge of pain in her muscles from the night before. Slowly, the memory returned, flushing her body with heat all over again. Emma. Regina let out a sigh, as she groped blindly over tangled bed-sheets, searching Emma's side of the bed. Regina finally turned her head to confirm what she already knew. The sheets were cold, and Emma was gone. Regina let out a low groan of disappointment. She should have asked the blonde to stay. She'd wanted the blonde to stay. Slowly, Regina pushed herself up in bed, and turned so that she could lower her feet to the floor. Regina picked up her phone from the nightstand, and turned on the screen.

 _Sorry I couldn't stay, but there was an emergency last night and they needed me. Call or txt if you need me. ~E_

Regina let out a sigh, and set her phone back on the nightstand. She missed Emma so much already it was negatively affecting her mood. She didn't know how she was going to make it though another three weeks of pining after Emma from afar. She couldn't keep doing this much longer. At some point, something had to give.

* * *

 _ **A/N: Please...Please...Please be kind. If you hate it, let me down easy. If you love it, then that's great. Just let me know what you think! I'll try to get another update in before tomorrow if I can, but I can't make any promises. Thanks for reading!**_


	15. Monkey Wrench

Title: Make it Without You

Category: TV Shows » Once Upon A Time  
Author: Alwaysbringback-up  
Language: English, Rating: Rated: M (for language and sexual themes)  
Genre: Angst/General

 **Chapter 15: Monkey Wrench**

 **Pairing: SwanQueen**

 _ **Disclaimer: I don't own any part of the OUAT universe. All characters belong to Adam and Eddie, the show's creators. I promise that my writing is done purely for recreational purposes only. No ill harm is intended.**_

 _ **A/N: Hey, readers! I apologize that it's been a while since I've updated. I'm officially back in school, so I don't have as much time to update as I might like. Still, I will try and get updates up on the weekends. With this being a holiday weekend and all, I'm hoping to get another update up before Tuesday. We'll have to see what happens!**_

 _ **Things get a bit interesting in this chapter. A bit of a wrench gets thrown into Regina's plans, as you might guess from the title of this one.**_

* * *

 _Monday, November 2, 2015; 6:00 a.m._

 _Sheriff's Station, Storybrooke, Maine_

"Good morning," David greeted in a cheerful tone, one much too bright for the early hour, as Emma strode into the squad room.

"Ugh," Emma groaned, "How are you always so high spirited? It's…" Emma paused to glance at her watch, "Only six in the morning. It's not natural to be this upbeat at six in the morning."

"You're forgetting that I was a shepherd, remember?" David said warmly. "I was always up before the sun. Compared to that, this is nothing."

"Still," Emma grumbled, as she slowly walked over, balancing the items clutched in her left hand. She had two coffee cups clutched in one hand, and a paper bag clutched in another. "I need gigantic amounts of coffee before I can even be remotely civil to someone this early in the morning."

"It's lucky for you, then," David joked, "that you're my daughter, and I love you anyways."

"Well, I hope that I can at least make it worthwhile from time to time," Emma joked back. David looked up from his desk, and a smile instantaneously spread across his face, splitting it in a goofy grin.

"Look at you! You do know I love you regardless, don't you? You don't necessarily need to try and win me over with coffee and breakfast."

Emma let out a laugh, her voice teasing as she said, "Who says that any of this is for you? I was just extra thirsty this morning." Emma laughed again, as David's lip jutted out in an exaggerated pout. He was such a five year old sometimes. Emma's eyes twinkled brightly in mirth, as she met his twinkling baby blues. "Kidding. I'm just kidding," Emma told him as she walked over to him and handed him one of the coffees. "I got you a cheese danish, too. I know they're your favorite." Emma tossed the bag onto his desk, "But you'll have to dig it out of the bag yourself. I've gotta get to work. Due to my impromptu trip last week, I'm behind on almost all of my paperwork."

"You're a woman after my own heart," David told her as he pulled the Danish out of the bag and took a bite out of his danish that was so large it was almost daring. He certainly ran the risk of choking on it.

"Don't tell mom that," Emma teased, "She might not appreciate that you're so easily won over."

"Only because she won my heart the hard way," Charming told Emma honestly. "Besides, it's just an expression. She knows that I could never love anyone else as much as I love your mother."

Emma responded to this by making a profuse amount of kissing noises, and laughing brightly at the way that Charming suddenly turned a deep shade of scarlet. As payback for this, David said, "Did I ever tell you about the time your mother and I…" Emma made gagging noises as she clamped her hands over her ears. Emma could just hear Charming's raucous laughter over the sounds of her own.

A smile tugged at the corner of David's lips as he looked up to see, Emma dropping down into the chair at her desk. "I think I'm gonna head out to do a quick patrol," David offered. "That way you can have some peace and quiet while you work on that paperwork." Emma met his eyes with a grateful smile.

"That would be awesome," Emma said sincerely, "Thanks."

"You're welcome," David told her. "Have fun. Call me if you need anything."

"I will," Emma promised.

* * *

 _Monday, November 2, 2015; 10:30 a.m._

 _Sheriff's Station, Storybrooke, Maine_

Emma is still sitting at her desk, sorting through several seemingly bottomless piles of paperwork, when Charming returns. It's getting closer to lunch, and Emma's lunch date with Regina.

"I'm back," Charming announced as he waltzed into the station.

"Anything to report?" Emma asked absentmindedly, as she made several notes in the paperwork.

"Not a thing," Charming replied, "But no news is good news, right?"

"Right," Emma nodded.

"So… How's it going?" Charming asked as he plopped down into the chair behind his desk.

"Torturously slow," Emma answered, with a sigh. Silence built between the two of them for several minutes.

"While I was out on patrol, I talked to Snow, and she wanted me to ask you if you'd gotten a dress for the charity ball next week," Charming murmured softly. "She said that if you hadn't, that she can take you dress shopping this weekend." Emma's eyes shot up from the paper in front of her.

"No," Emma shook her head, "I don't have a dress… The truth is, I wasn't planning on going." Emma took a quavering breath. "I thought you knew that."

"Ah, but it seems that our attendance is required," David reminded her. "To be honest, I thought you would be excited about it."

"Oh, yeah," Emma muttered sarcastically, "I'm practically bursting with anticipation."

"Oh, come on," David said softly, "Just what is it that's got you so sore?" David inquired.

"Nothing…" Emma sighed. David gave her a pointed look that spoke to his disbelief. "Okay," Emma conceded. "It's just that I…I don't exactly have a date."

"There's still time," David said hopefully, "Who knows. Maybe Jake is planning on asking you."

"I highly doubt that," Emma laughed. "Things didn't exactly go well in New York."

 _They say don't let them in._  
 _Close your eyes and clear your thoughts again._  
 _When I'm all alone, they show up on their own._

Moreover, Emma didn't want to go to the ball with Jake. But it's not as if she can really say that to her father without it bringing up a whole slew of other topics she's not exactly keen on talking about. The truth is, that Emma had been avoiding thinking about the dance, because she didn't want to have to think about how awful it was that she couldn't invite the one person that she really wanted. Running a hand through her hair, Emma let out another sigh.

"I don't understand why we have to have a dance, anyways" Emma said pointedly, "If people want to donate money to charity, then they should just donate money to charity. Why throw a big expensive ball? It kind of defeats the purpose, if you ask me."

"Oh, come on," David spoke with a smile, "It can't be that bad. In fact, it'll probably be fun." But fun wasn't the word that Emma would use to describe this particular event.

"Aren't you at least a little curious?" David asked, "You've never been to a fancy ball before."

"Actually," Emma cleared her throat; "Hook and I went to a ball in the Enchanted Forest once, back when we were trying to put you and Mom back together. It was fun…until Regina caught us and… " Emma paused and looked at David, "You know what? You don't need to hear about that."

"Emma," David sighed, "Normally, I would tell you that you're old enough to make your own choices. But I'm asking you. Please humor your mother just this once. I can tell that she's really excited about picking out a dress with you. She feels like she missed out on so much, and this is her chance to spend some quality time with you. As far as the dance goes, you don't have to go for long…just long enough to put in an appearance. And hey, if you want to duck out after a few minutes, then I won't stop you."

"Promise?" Emma asked.

"Promise." David said as he held out a pinky for her to take. Emma laughed and grasped his pinky dramatically with hers, as if it were the most sacred of oaths. "I'm going to go get the mail," David said, before briefly disappearing.

Several minutes later, Emma looked up as something dropped onto her desk. She glanced up to see her fellow Deputy and father looking at her expectantly. His eyes were twinkling.

"What?" Emma snapped rather irritably.

"Open it," Charming commanded her impatiently. Emma's hands were suddenly shaking. She didn't have a good feeling about this at all. Emma's eyes glanced at the envelope, and then back at Charming, who was holding an identical envelope. It seemed that he'd already opened it.

"Well, aren't you going to open it?" David asked with a smile. Emma picked up the envelope in her hand, and flipped it over, examining it in the light of the squad room. The letter was addressed to her in an elegant script that could only have been made by Regina's hand. Emma's stomach dropped, as she had a foreboding sense of what was contained inside. It didn't help that David continued to look at her almost expectantly.

 _Cause inner demons fight their battles with fire._  
 _Inner demons don't play by the rules._  
 _They say just push them down, just fight them harder._  
 _Why would you give up on it so soon?_

There was no point in dragging it out any longer. After taking a deep steeling breath, Emma gritted her teeth together and dove in, ripping the seal of the envelope. She tore it open and pulled out its contents, dropping them onto the desk in front of her. Just as she feared, it was a wedding invitation… an invitation to Robin and Regina's wedding to be exact. The cardstock Regina picked out was tasteful and extravagant, and probably more expensive than Emma ever cared to think about. It was dyed a deep forest green, and Emma knew that it was intentionally chosen. The color instantly made her think of Robin.

Slowly, Emma ran her fingers over the embossed paper, the pads of her fingers tracing over the silver cursive lettering, as her eyes raced over the paper. The first thing Emma noticed was that the date of the wedding had been bumped up to only a month's time. Apparently, Regina had decided a December wedding.

Emma was suddenly grateful that she was about to be long gone.

"Hey, aren't you proud?! She's getting married to her true love!" David said with a mixture of pride and awe, "And just think, it wouldn't be happening if it weren't for you! She's finally getting her happy ending, Emma!" Emma felt a humorless laugh bubble its way past her lips, the sound sounding almost hollow. The next sounds to leave her were altogether wet, as tears sprang to her eyes. She felt sick. She felt physically sick.

"Emma?" David seemed to pick up on something being wrong, because he said, "Emma, hey! What's...What's wrong? I honestly thought you would be happy."

Emma felt her stomach traitorously lurch, and shoved back her chair. "Oh god," Emma muttered, "I think I'm gonna be sick." She reached for the waste-basket and yanked it towards her, as the nausea suddenly hit her full force. She did so not a moment too soon.

Emma retched violently; throwing up the coffee she'd had that morning.

"Emma?" David said worriedly, as he rushed over and started rubbing her back. Emma moaned between her retching as wave after wave of nausea turned her stomach. After several minutes, Emma's body finally started to calm down. She slowly set down the wastebasket, and slowly straightened. Emma pulled several Kleenex from the box on her desk and wiped her mouth. She grabbed the water bottle from her desk and untwisted the cap, taking several large sips. Then she took another sip and swished it around her mouth before spitting into the waste bin in an attempt to get the bad taste out of her mouth. Finally, she replaced the cap on the water bottle and set it back on her desk, closing her eyes. She reached up to pinch the bridge of her nose, and took several quavering breaths.

 _So angels, angels please just keep on fighting._  
 _Angels, don't give up on me today._  
 _The demons they are there; they keep on fighting._  
 _Cause inner demons just wont go away._

Emma's throat started to burn, as she realized true defeat for the first time.

"Emma, honey, are you okay?" David asked gently.

Emma just shook her head. "I'm sorry," David murmured softly. "Did I… do something to upset you? I thought…"

"No," she murmured softly, her shoulders slumping, "It's not you." Emma's eyes burned hotly with tears, but she just couldn't bring herself to cry over Regina because in some twisted way it means that the brunette had won.

Emma doesn't know how, but all she knows is that all this time she really thought that she still might have a chance. And now she realized just how much of an idiot she really was.

"Emma?" David suddenly looked concerned, his voice pleading, "Talk to me. Tell me what's wrong."

"I can't," Emma muttered, her voice sounding empty, "You'll hate me if I do."

 _So angels please, hear my prayer._  
 _Life is pain, life's not fair._  
 _So angels please; please stay here._  
 _Take the pain; take the fear._

"That'll never happen," David said steadfastly, "You're my daughter and I'll love you no matter what. All I know is that I can't fix it, if you don't tell me what is wrong."

"I…" Emma reached up to wipe furiously at her eyes.

"Emma…" It was time to drop the act. If she didn't tell anyone it would surely eat her alive.

"I…I really screwed up," Emma admitted finally.

"Do you want to talk about it?" David questioned.

"We… We've been sleeping together," Emma said, as she looked up at David, her partner, her parent, and her protector. He was seemingly speechless, though his jaw was working furiously.

"You… You've been sleeping with Robin?" David squeaked, "Do you have any idea what Regina will do if she finds out? Emma, she'll kill you."

"No," Emma sighed, "Not Robin, Dad. Regina. Regina and I have been sleeping together… for months."

She can see the surprise and devastation in Charming's eyes as he realizes the truth for the first time. And Emma instantly feels sorry, because she knows that the affair was damaging him just as much as it was ruining her. Only, up until now, David had no idea what it was that destroyed the person he loved, the one person he wanted to protect the most. Emma held his gaze, silently begging him to do something…say something…anything for god's sakes! She watched as her dad stumbled backwards, accidentally knocking the mug off of his desk along with some sort of expletive muttered under his breath. Finally his eyes met hers again. He was trying very hard not to betray the amount of shock he felt at her confession, but he was doing it poorly.

"You're serious?" David asked simply, his eyes still wide.

"Does it look like I'm joking?" Emma asked stoically, her expression telling him all he needed to know.

"Jesus," the word was out of David's mouth before he could stop it. Great. It was just one more thing for her to take penance for later. Emma let her head drop to her desk with a loud thud.

"God," Emma moaned, "I'm such an idiot." Emma closed her eyes, her breathing growing soft, as her whole body slackened in defeat. "She asked me to have lunch with her today because she had something important to tell me, and like an idiot…I thought that it might be to tell me that she broke it off with Robin. But in reality, she probably just wanted to tell me that they've pushed up the wedding." Emma let out another loud groan, lifting up her head just to drop it back down onto the desk with a loud thud, only to repeat the motion again and again as she muttered, "Stupid…Stupid…Stupid."

 _They say it wont be hard; they cant see the battles in my heart_  
 _But when I turn away_  
 _The demons seem to stay_

"Hey!" David said as he intercepted her shoulders and pushed her up and away from the desk. "Stop that!"

"What the hell have I done?" Emma murmured.

"That bad?"

Charming suddenly felt a searing pain tear through his chest. It hurt to see his daughter like this.

"Yeah," Emma said as she looked up. "God I'm so sorry. I can only imagine what you must think of me."

"Do you love her?" Charming asked. It was a question that had to be asked before he or anyone else tried to pass judgment. Sometimes people do wrong things for the right reasons. Besides, he wasn't one to talk. He and Snow once had an affair, albeit, they were each other's true loves and it was during the curse, but still. Their love had led them to be unfaithful, and Charming still felt guilt over what he'd done to Kathryn.

"Yes," Emma said sincerely. "I love her."

"Listen," David said as he plopped down in the seat next to hers. "I'm not going to condone what you've done, but I'm not about to condemn it either… I've always believed that love is complicated. Emma, if you love her then…then you should tell her."

"She already knows," Emma sighed. "That's why we broke it off weeks ago. She… She chose Robin."

"Ah, so _that's_ why you've made me go to those meetings alone? And why you were in such a hurry to go to New York..."

"Yeah."

"Oh. Well, I suppose I should be relieved then. I was starting to worry that maybe you were getting sick of me," David replied.

Emma fought back a smile. Only Charming would be able to put a smile on her face at a time like this. In some ways, Emma realizes that he's the one thing…the only thing that kept her alive these past few months, and she'll be forever grateful for that. Maybe…just maybe they can get through this together.

"And this whole time it's because Regina has probably taken you over her desk and you didn't want to have to remember." The joke was out before David could stop it.

Just as suddenly the smile was gone from her face, replaced by every emotion she has been trying to hold back for so long. Emma couldn't take it any more.

"For god's sake, Dad," Emma snapped, "Could you maybe try and enjoy this just a little less? Please?"

"Sorry, honey," David replied honestly. Then he stood up, rubbing his hands together as he tried to think of their next course of action. "Okay. We're going to go fix this."

"How?" Emma asked, not moving in the slightest.

"I don't know yet. I'm still thinking," Charming said as he rubbed his chin with his fingers.

"First of all," David paused, "Let me just say that I'm not one to keep secrets from your mother, but for the time being, I think it would be a good idea to just keep this between us. Especially because…"

"Because she'll probably have a heart attack if she finds out," Emma finished for him. "Or kill Regina. Or both…."

"Exactly," David nodded assuredly. "Second of all, you said that Regina was coming to meet you for lunch?"

"Yeah," Emma nodded, glancing at her watch, "She's probably on her way here right now. Oh god, I don't think I can face her right now."

"Then maybe it would be a good idea for you to get out of here," David ordered.

"What?" Emma was genuinely surprised.

"You should get out of here before she shows up! You're right. You're not exactly in a good position to see her right now," David said honestly. "You were having a meltdown less than a minute ago. So go! I can hold things down here for a little while on my own. I'll take care of Regina and cover for you."

"How?" Emma asked as she met his eyes.

"Easy," David said, "I'll tell her that something came up that needed your immediate attention. It's as simple as that."

"Okay," Emma said gratefully as she stood up and grabbed her coat from the back of the chair. "Thanks for this," Emma said as she started walking briskly for the door.

"Hey," Charming called after her, "When we get off work tonight, we're going to go out and get shit faced drunk."

Emma rushed briskly for the door, moving at a near jog as she pushed open the door to Main Street. She pushed outside, and moved towards her car at a steady clip. Emma felt the air knocked from her lungs, as she collided with another solid body. Emma stumbled, barely managing to keep herself upright. Unfortunately, the person she'd run into wasn't as lucky. Emma watched as Regina fell backwards onto the concrete.

"Shit!" Emma swore as she glanced down to see Regina, sitting on the concrete just in front of her. "Sorry, Regina!" Emma gasped as she quickly hunched down to help the brunette to her feet. "I'm so sorry. I...I wasn't looking where I was going!" Emma expelled a shaky breath. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," Regina responded, as she reached down to brush herself off.

She noticed the way Emma's touch didn't linger. The blonde had released her hold on the brunette's arm as soon as the older woman was righted.

"Good, that's good," Emma muttered absently. "I'll uh... just get out of your way then. Sorry about that."

"Emma, wait!" Regina ordered as she reached out for the blonde's arm, to keep the blonde from leaving. "What's going on?" Emma avoided eye contact for several seconds, but the battle was lost as Regina stepped closer, moving into Emma's personal space.

"You're acting a bit strange," the brunette noted aloud. "Is everything okay?"

"Of course," Emma replied a little too enthusiastically. "In fact, it's… more than fine." Regina's brow furrowed as she noticed that the blonde's morose expression seemed to contradict the blonde's words. Regina's breathing halted as she noticed how Emma's bright green eyes were uncharacteristically rimmed with red. The blonde was being distant with her, and Regina suddenly wondered why. "I'm sorry for bowling you over."

"It's okay," Regina told her. "I was actually hoping to run into you... Well, not run into you exactly, but...I think you know what I mean."

"Oh, well, I umm… I was just about to head out. What can I do for you?" Emma queried, deciding to play dumb. She really hoped that she would be able to make a clean getaway, but clearly she just wasn't that lucky.

"You mean you don't know?" Regina asked with a trace of amusement. "I came to find you. We were supposed to meet today for lunch, remember?"

"OH!" Emma exclaimed. "Oh! Shit! That's right! I…I'm sorry, but I'm afraid that I'm going to have to take a rain check. Something has come up that requires my immediate attention. In fact, I was just on my way out to go and take care of it."

"Oh, well in that case, I can wait for you if you'd like," Regina offered.

"No, I…I couldn't ask you to do that," Emma said, "I might be a while. Look, I'll uh…I'll call you later, and we can reschedule."

"Emma…"

"I've really got to go," Emma cut her off, not wanting to prolong her suffering any longer. "I'm sorry, Regina. I'll make it up to you later, I swear."

"Emma, wait," Regina pleaded as she tried to get the blonde to listen to her. "Would you please just slow down for a minute? I really need to…"

"I'm sorry, but I can't. I really can't afford to lose any more time than I already have. I'm sorry. I promise that I'll be in touch," Emma said as she shoved her hands into her pockets, and quickly moved out of Regina's reach, rushing for the Sheriff's cruiser. Regina let out a huff of frustration, as the blonde practically threw herself inside and turned over the ignition, before speeding away from the curb as if the blonde couldn't possibly get away from her fast enough. Emma turned on the lights and siren as if to lend credence to her assertions that time was of the essence.

 _Cause inner demons don't play well with angels._  
 _They cheat and lie and steal and break and bruise._  
 _Angels please protect me from these rebels._  
 _This is a battle I don't want to lose._

"What in the hell just happened?" Regina asked to no one in particular as she stared after the cruiser's retreating taillights.

Regina decided to head inside and find out.

She found Charming working diligently at his desk. He looked up at her with feigned surprise.

"Regina!" he greeted as he made a show of setting down his pen, "Hello! What can I do for you?"

"Well," Regina told him angrily, "For one, you can tell me what the hell is going on with Emma."

"I…I don't know what you mean," Charming said calmly, meeting her eyes daringly. "She was fine just a minute ago when she left. Granted, she was in a bit of a hurry, but she was fine."

"So it's just me then," Regina muttered. "She's avoiding me, and I don't know why."

"Mmm," Charming hummed softly, refusing to commit to a full reply.

"You're sure that everything is all right," Regina repeated.

"Positive," Charming replied.

"Okay then," Regina replied, letting her feelings rest. "Look, I wanted to talk to you about Emma's surprise party. I trust that Snow told you I have rescheduled it for tomorrow evening." David inwardly cringed. Emma was not going to be happy about that at all. Although it was nice of Regina to do such a thing, Charming could only imagine that Emma having to be around Regina at all would feel like salt in a gaping wound. It would just remind Emma of what she couldn't have.

"Actually, no," David said quietly, "I'm sure she meant to, but we were both sort running late this morning, and it must have slipped her mind."

"I see," Regina responded. "Well, don't worry. It's all taken care of."

"Is there anything you need me to do?" Charming offered.

"As a matter of fact, yes," Regina replied, "I'm leaving you in charge of getting Emma to my residence around 5:30 tomorrow evening."

"And just how might I do that without arousing suspicion?" David inquired.

"Well," Regina sighed, "I might just happen to call about a suspected break-in at my house tomorrow evening at about…say…5:15p.m., if that helps."

"That actually sounds like a decent plan," Charming responded. "Okay…I think I can manage that."

"Good," Regina smiled. "I suppose that I shall see you tomorrow evening then."

"I suppose you shall," Charming confirmed. "You have a good day, Madame Mayor."

"You too, Charming," Regina said before exiting the way she came.

* * *

 _November 2nd, 2015; 9:17 p.m._

 _The Rabbit Hole, Storybrooke, Maine_

"Emma!" a voice called out to the blonde from across the bar. "Hey! Over here!" Emma quickly stepped aside, only just managing to avoid getting railroaded by a rather large looking fellow. Emma grunted loudly in discontent, as she wasn't able to completely evade being accosted, and got a sharp elbow to the ribs, knocking the air unceremoniously from her lungs. It was for this very reason that she tried to avoid places like this, unless she was expressly called out to the Rabbit Hole in order to break up some sort of scuffle. It just so happened that she had been called out in order to break up a fistfight this evening. She'd broken up the fight, and had ejected the participants from the bar with a warning for them not to let her see their faces again. She could have arrested someone for the impressive shiner she was currently sporting. But truth be told, she couldn't be sure who had thrown the punch and she didn't feel like arresting a handful of people tonight. All she wanted now was to go home and go to sleep. "Emma!"

 _When, when we came home_  
 _Worn to the bones_  
 _I told myself, "this could get rough"_  
 _And when, when I was off, which happened a lot_  
 _You came to me and said, "that's enough"_

Emma continued dodging bodies, as she struggled to find the owner of the voice. Despite the almost hypnotic flashing of lights, it was dim inside the bar, and Emma had to squint to make anything out. Emma let out a frustrated groan as she raked a hand through her hair. Her eyes continued searching furiously. She was just about to give up, when she felt a touch on her arm. "Sheriff Swan!" Kathryn smiled in greeting, as she tugged Emma in the direction of the bar, "Come have a drink with us!" Emma didn't fight as the blonde dragged her through the sea of bodies, and towards an unoccupied stool at the bar.

"Look who I found!" Kathryn announced happily. Emma felt her heart skip a beat as the brunette at the bar chanced a glance up at the mystery guest, and Emma suddenly found herself the subject of Regina's rapt attention. Two deep brown orbs bore into Emma's own for a fraction of a second, before Emma shyly averted her gaze. Emma felt butterflies flutter to life in her stomach. It amazed her how even after all this time, Regina Mills still managed to make her feel like a hot mess.

 _Oh I know that this love is pain_  
 _But we can't cut it from out these veins, no_

"Emma?" Regina swallowed, unprepared to see the blonde, "What are you doing here?"

"It's a long story," Emma said with a crooked smile.

"Let me get you a drink," Kathryn commanded, "What'll you have?"

"Oh," Emma gasped audibly, "Nothing… I should have told you sooner. I'm on duty, so I can't have anything… In fact, I was just about to head back to the station when you called me over."

"Nonsense," Kathryn blathered as she raised a hand up to signal the bartender, "I won't take no for an answer." A beat. "How about a Cosmopolitan?"

"Thanks for your kindness, Kathryn," Emma said as she pulled down Kathryn's arm, "But I really can't. I…I have to get back." Emma cleared her throat, squinting at the blonde. Her eye was swelling rapidly, she could just tell. It was also throbbing pretty badly. "I'm really sorry," Emma blushed furiously, as she looked at Regina. "I didn't mean to interrupt your girl's night. You two have fun."

"Emma," Regina instantly leapt up from her seat. "Oh my goodness!" Before Emma could even react, the brunette had Emma's chin between her thumb and forefinger and was turning Emma's face towards her own, under her inspection. "What the hell happened to your eye?"

"It's nothing," Emma said as she tried to pull away. But Regina would have nothing of it. "I broke up a fight earlier and someone got in a mean hook before I could stop it."

"You need to get some ice on it," Regina said, as Kathryn signaled the bartender, calling for some ice.

"Sit," the brunette ordered, as she pointed to her seat.

"I'm fine…" Emma groused, "I'll ice it when I get home."

"By then it'll be swollen shut!" Regina lectured, as she pressed her thumb around Emma's eye socket. Emma hissed sharply and wrenched away from Regina's touch. "I wouldn't be surprised if you'd sustained some sort of a break."

"Regina," Emma huffed as she crossed her arms over her chest, like a petulant child.

"Sit," Regina ordered again. Emma gave over and plopped down on the stool. She reached into her pocket and set her wallet on the bar, just as the bartender appeared with some ice. Emma placed the ice on her eye for several minutes to appease both of the other women, before getting up.

"Are you sure I can't convince you to stay?" Regina asked softly, turning to face her.

"Yes," Emma swallowed, "It's been a long day, and I already promised my parents I would go home early tonight." She ran a hand over her jaw.

"Okay," Regina managed to get out, "Well, I'll uh… see you tomorrow then?"

"Yeah. Sure," Emma nodded as she slid off of the stool. Regina watched her go with a sad frown. All of the distinctive chatter around her faded into the background as she watched Emma's retreating form. She watched the blonde slip into her jacket, before stepping into the cool air outside.

"Girl," Kathryn's chastising voice rose above the dim chatter of others in the bar, "You really need to say something to that woman while you're still young."

"Uh huh," Regina sighed, "How about you let me figure things out for myself, hmm?"

"Fine," Kathryn replied swirling her straw around her own drink. "But you'd better figure stuff out soon. That girl isn't going to wait around for you forever." Regina swallowed as she realized her best friend was right. She could already feel Emma pulling away from her emotionally. It probably had a lot to do with stress, but Regina was afraid that irreparable damage had already been done to their relationship. She reached down to wipe her sweaty hands on her skirt.

"Oh no," Kathryn muttered.

"What is it?" Regina asked, as she glanced at her friend. Regina followed Kathryn's gaze to the bar. She looked down and exhaled shakily as she discovered Emma's wallet lying on the bar next to her. Unconsciously, she swore under her breath.

Regina shook her head, "I swear! That woman would forget her head if it wasn't attached." Regina started to slide off of the stool and plucked up the leather object in her hand. "I'll be right back."

"How about you make yourself useful and give her a goodnight kiss while you're at it, won't you?" Kathryn called after Regina's retreating form. The brunette heard raucous laughter, as she gave her friend the finger without looking back over her shoulder.

She looked up as she reached the main door of the Rabbit Hole, and pushed her way into the cool night outside. She could already see Emma making her way across the street.

 _So I'll hit the lights and you lock the doors_  
 _We ain't leaving this room 'til we bust the mold_  
 _Don't walk away, don't roll your eyes_  
 _They say love is pain, well darling, let's hurt tonight_

"Swan!" She shouted loudly, turning the heads of others nearby. Emma didn't seem to hear her so she called her name again, this time using the blonde's first name. "Emma!" Emma's hand tightened around her keys, hitting the unlock button as she turned around, responding to the call. Emma briefly wondered what on earth Regina wanted with her now, as her bright green eyes found Regina. She squinted as she struggled to see the object she was currently holding up for her to see. Luckily Regina answered the question for her. "Hey! You forgot your wallet!" Emma let out a sigh, patting her jacket to confirm that fact. Yep. Her wallet was gone. With another sigh, she took a step towards her, quickly looking both ways before she darted back across the street. As she approached, she wore a goofy smile on her face.

"Sorry," Emma apologized, "I guess I'm a little distracted tonight." She took a deep breath, and Regina watched as something changed in her body language. "Thanks," Emma smiled widely. Regina's heart started to thunder away in her chest as she handed over the fine leather wallet, and for the briefest of moments, their fingers brushed together and Regina felt a spark of electricity flow between them. "What would I do without you?" Emma joked as she slipped it into her jacket pocket.

Regina felt a pang of sadness. Emma was smiling at her, but it didn't quite reach her eyes.

Before she could analyze the blonde's expression further, the blonde dipped down to press the softest of kisses to her cheek. Regina raked in a sharp breath as she relished the burn that the blonde's lips left in their wake. "You have a good night." As she turned to go back across the street, Regina reached out for Emma's hand.

 _Oh, I know you're feeling insane_  
 _Tell me something that I can explain, oh_

"Wait," the brunette pleaded. Emma whirled around again, this time with a questioning expression on her face. "Emma, are you…. are you sure you're okay?"

"Y-Yeah," Emma lied. "Why wouldn't I be?"

"No reason," Regina swallowed, "It just feels like you're being distant. Have I done something to upset you?"

"No. Everything is fine," Emma bit out, shortly.

"Hey," Regina shook her head. "Don't look me in the eye and lie to me. _Please_. I deserve more than that!" Regina hissed with conviction.

"I can't help it if you're imagining something that isn't there," Emma argued tiredly. "Everything is fine between us."

"Everything is not fine," Regina argued back, "You bailed on me today. With little to no explanation as to why."

"I told you," Emma said stubbornly, "Something came up that I had to take care of."

"Really?" Regina's eyes flashed. "You're standing by that story?" Regina said angrily. "Because I asked around., and absolutely nothing happened today that warranted an emergency."

"Regina..." Emma tried to stall.

"Look," Regina spoke, with an edge to her voice, "I...I don't know what happened, but something… _something_ is different between us."

"Regina," Emma sighed dejectedly, "What is it you want from me?"

"The truth!" Regina shouted. "I want the truth from you, Emma."

"I gave you the truth," Emma shot back. "Just because you don't like what I have to say, doesn't mean it's not the truth. How about you tell me what you want me to say? Because I'm not sure what to say anymore, and I could really use some help here." Regina watched her shoulders grow tight. "What the hell are we?"

"I… I don't know," Regina admitted. She saw a look a pain sweep over Emma's features. "All I know is that we're... good together. We make a really good team, and I… I don't want to lose you."

"That's not exactly what I was hoping for." Emma couldn't help the small laugh of self-depreciation that escaped to cover up her own pain and vulnerability. "But uh… I'm glad to know where we stand."

"Please," Regina pleaded, watching as Emma stuffed her hands into her pockets and looked away, clearly uncomfortable. "Emma, Darling," the very personal name seemed to resonate within her because she finally met Regina's dark eyes. "Look, I'm sorry."

"No… Don't be," Emma sighed. "I'm glad I know."

"No," Regina swallowed. "Don't do that. Don't take my words and twist them around."

"I'm going to stop you there," Emma held up a hand. Her gaze was sad and discouraged. "Look, I get it. You don't have to rub salt in the wounds, Regina." She swallowed.

"Emma, please," Regina felt her palms begin to sweat. This wasn't exactly how she pictured the conversation would go. She could only suppose it was what she deserved for putting it off for so long.

Emma cleared her throat, looking longingly towards her car. "We can talk later. But now? I… I've really got to go." She tried to pull away again, but Regina wasn't ready. She grabbed the blonde again, pinning her against a nearby car.

"No. Stop trying to run," Regina ordered sternly. "Stop making excuses. I'm not done. We're not done."

"But we are," Emma said in a whisper that could be heard. Regina felt her heart stop.

"I made the wrong choice, Emma," Regina admitted, "And I've been trying really hard to make amends for that. It is precisely why I'm standing out here with you in the cold. We're not over. I don't want us to be over. You're my love. Always."

"What are you trying to say?" Emma asked, barely breathing. Regina expelled a shaky breath, struggling to come up with a fitting reply. "Regina, what is it that you want?" Emma was starting to sound really frustrated, "Because I really can't fix this if you can't even tell me what you want."

"Can't we just talk…?" Regina asked, wrapping her arms around herself.

"About what?" Emma asked sadly. "I told you I love you, Regina. I can't be much more direct than that."

"I know," she admitted into the cool air. The small cloud of moisture dissipated into the air and was carried away.

"And you didn't reciprocate," Emma pointed out.

"I did too," Regina argued. "I do love you. I love you so much."

"And yet you still chose him," Emma reminded her.

"I know," Regina gasped out again, staring into Emma's green eyes.

Emma let out a deep pained sigh, and met Regina's eyes briefly. She was still so torn up inside. The last couple months had been extremely hard on the both of them. She could see that Regina still had so many demons left to battle. Regina's deep brown eyes looked haunted and Emma could only assume that she was still carrying a lot of them around with her. Now wasn't the time.

 _I'll hit the lights and you lock the doors_  
 _Tell me all of the things that you couldn't before_  
 _Don't walk away, don't roll your eyes_  
 _They say love is pain, well darling, let's hurt tonight_  
 _If this love is pain, well darling, let's hurt, oh tonight_

"I think we should stick to our original plan and take some time apart," Emma finally dared to suggest. "What we've been through in the last couple months, it's going to take some time for those wounds to heal."

"I'm fine," Regina argued quickly.

"That's bullshit," Emma called her out on it. "You're not fine, and I sure as hell am not fine." Emma took a deep breath. "It might do us some good to take some extra space. You should go your own way, and I'll go mine." Emma was surprised to see the look of abject horror take over Regina's expression as the words sank in.

"No," she shook her head. "I just...want things to go back to the way they used to be, where we could talk to each other about everything and…" Emma silenced her with a finger to the lips.

"I can't," Emma shook her head. "That's what I'm trying to say, Regina. It's what I've been trying to say for weeks." Regina choked on the air in her lungs and stopped breathing altogether.

"Look, Regina…I," Regina swallowed her next words, as she slipped her hand around Emma's neck and pulled. Emma moaned into her mouth, as Regina abandoned all self-restraint and pushed her tongue into Emma's mouth. Emma too, let her thoughts go for just one moment. She moaned at the rich taste of scotch on the brunette's tongue. Emma felt Regina's nails rake through her hair, as her body pressed into hers. Emma closed her eyes, her breathing labored as her hands slid over Regina's body. She kissed the older woman until her mind and body screamed out, needing oxygen, and only then did she rip her mouth away from Regina's. She was gasping, her breathing heavy. Emma's eyes sprang open and met the rich chocolate eyes staring back up at her.

"Emma, I…" The rest of the words didn't make it past her lips before Emma was diving in again, and was swallowing them. Regina couldn't help the moan that slipped from her lips as she hungrily pushed her tongue into Emma's mouth a second time. She moaned again as Emma reversed their positions and pushed her up against the nearest car and kissed her back with everything she had. Regina could feel her nails scrape along Emma's scalp as she clung to the blonde. When they finally broke apart, they couldn't look away. Regina started to feel like she was drowning in Emma's emerald green eyes.

"I'm sorry," the words were out of Emma's mouth before she could stop them. She wasn't sorry. Not really.

"Don't be," Regina breathed.

"No… I… I should go," Emma's heart was beating erratically. "I'm sorry. I…I'll see you tomorrow." Regina, stunned by Emma's reaction, watched as the blonde rushed around the front of the car and across the street.

 _So you hit the lights and I'll lock the doors_  
 _Let's say all of the things that we couldn't before_  
 _Won't walk away, won't roll my eyes_  
 _They say love is pain, well darling, let's hurt tonight_  
 _If this love is pain, then honey let's love tonight_

For the second time that day, Regina was left wondering what the hell had just happened.

* * *

 _ **A/N: So that's it for now! I'll try to update soon.**_

 _ **Please leave me some feedback if you have a minute! :D**_

 _ **For those of you that are wondering, Robin sent the wedding invitations out without Regina's knowledge. It was something that was done before the break-up, and was forgotten about. And I promise you, we haven't seen the last of the resulting fallout from this. Please don't hate me!**_


	16. Liquid State

Title: Make it Without You

Category: TV Shows » Once Upon A Time  
Author: Alwaysbringback-up  
Language: English, Rating: Rated: M (for language and sexual themes)  
Genre: Angst/General

 **Chapter 16: Liquid State (Based on the song by Muse)**

 **Pairing: SwanQueen**

 _ **Disclaimer: I don't own any part of the OUAT universe. All characters belong to Adam and Eddie, the show's creators. I promise that my writing is done purely for recreational purposes only. No ill harm is intended.**_

 _ **A/N: So it's a little bit later on Tuesday, but it's still Tuesday, so I was still able to uphold my goal of updating before school tomorrow. Unfortunately, this chapter turned out be a bit heavier than even I imagined it being in the outlining stages, so I apologize. I wish that I could say that at the very least I would pay for any therapy that you might need after reading this story, but alas, I am dirt poor. I guess that you can take comfort in knowing that it is in the "angst" genre for a reason. It's going to hurt. Also, I've gotten some complaints about the slow burn quality of this story, and I can't even say that this is something that was done intentionally. It's just sort of how it turned out. So I apologize if it's not what you guys wanted. Hopefully, the people reading this, still like the story anyways.**_

 _ **Thank you to all those of you who are still reading this story! The follows, favorites, and reviews, make all of the hard work worthwhile.**_

 _ **Also, I don't currently have a beta, so all mistakes and typos are mine!**_

* * *

 _Tuesday, November 3rd, 2015; 4:30p.m._

 _Sheriff's Station, Storybrooke, Maine_

It was 4:30p.m. the following day, when David stood up from his desk at the station and quickly wound up Emma's coat into a tight ball, tossing it at her from across her desk. The ball of leather fabric struck her in the face, and closely followed the contours of her head, forming a variable mask. The ball of fabric then lost all of its momentum as it became entangled around her head, neck, and shoulders, and came to a stop atop the crown of her head.

Emma felt blinded for a few moments, as the fabric abruptly and temporarily obstructed her view of the world around her.

"Oww!" Emma groaned, while reaching up to pull away the lining from her face so that she could breathe, "What in the hell was that for?!"

"Come on," David goaded his daughter, as he wrestled his way into his own jacket, "It's officially 4:30. We're getting out of here."

"Oh?" Emma asked, as she peaked out from underneath the heavy red leather, "And where might I ask, are we going?

"I didn't get a chance to follow up on my promise to you yesterday," David told her, "So I'm doing so now. We're going to the bar."

Emma couldn't seem to scramble out of her seat fast enough. She wrestled her arms into the sleeves of her leather jacket and pulled it on. Then she quickly reached over her desk to flip off the lamp on her desk. She practically followed David out of the room at a run. She laughed as David bumped shoulders with her as they walked across the street, and then ambled a little ways down Main Street to a place Emma had never actually been inside before.

"Have you been holding out on me, Pop?" Emma asked as she plopped down onto a stool at the bar, in the dimly lit pub. David chuckled low under his breath, as he lowered himself onto the stool next to hers a little more gracefully.

"Occasionally, I'll come here for a quick beer, before heading home," David told her with a shrug. "But I don't come here very often."

"Hey, David!" a scruffy looking man greeted as he walked over, "How are you?"

"I'm doing well, Jamie," David replied, "How are you?"

"I'm good! Life is good! I truthfully can't complain about anything," He replied with a friendly smile, "What can I do for you?"

"Well, I could use a few rounds of shots for me and my dearest daughter, here," David said as he reached over clapped Emma on the back.

"What kind of alcohol would you like?" Jamie asked.

"Go ahead and surprise me!" David told him. "I trust your judgement!" Emma turned to meet David's lopsided grin, and arched a skeptical brow as if to say that she didn't quite buy into what her dad was selling.

"Okay, what is _really_ going on?" Emma asked him, as she leant against the bar. "Why are you acting like this?"

"What?" David asked innocently, his eyelashes fluttering rapidly, as the grin instantly fell from his face, "Nothing is going on. Why - Why does something have to be going on? Why can't a father just want to share a drink with his daughter?"

"Uh huh," Emma said with a laugh, "Sure. You go ahead and stick by that story, if you want to, but you're acting strangely."

"Look," David said quietly. "I just wanted you to know that I haven't forgotten about your plight. And I want you to know that - you know, I'm here for you."

"So this is your brilliant solution to my current predicament?" Emma asked him. "To get me drunk?"

"Well, no," David admitted, "Let's just call it a brainstorming seminar." He laughed, "Perhaps the booze will spark some sort of idea."

"Sure it will," Emma laughed, "But I can guarantee you, none of those aforementioned ideas will be viable. Well, not unless jumping out of a second story window into a pool counts as one, or free-climbing a rock face counts as another."

"Please tell me that you are not speaking from experience," David said, his expression suddenly serious.

"Of course not," Emma scoffed, while purposely avoiding his gaze; "I've also never thought walking out onto a pier with twenty feet waves crashing over the side was a good idea either."

"Oh dear god," Charming groaned dramatically as his head dropped onto the bar with a loud clank. "It's a miracle you lived long enough to break the curse, isn't it?"

"Please do me a favor and don't tell mom," Emma said quietly. "Because we both know that she would never let me out of her sight again, if she knew." She gingerly reached out to rub her father's shoulder. "Hey," she said softly, "I was young, okay? Young and stupid. And it's not like I had the best example around to teach me those sorts things. I just - sort of had to learn by experience. And yes, by some miracle I'm still alive. I've also learned some very important lessons along the way."

Charming slowly straightened up, and looked at his daughter.

"I'll never be able to say this enough," Charming said sincerely, his voice cracking as tears built in his eyes in a traitorous display of emotion, "But I'm sorry your mother and I weren't around to teach you those lessons."

"Hey, it's okay. I know," Emma nodded. "I know you are, Dad. It's okay."

"So," David cleared his throat, reaching up to scrub at his face, "Drinks?"

"I suppose it couldn't hurt. Just as long as you're the one paying for the drinks," Emma said slowly. "I'm a little short of cash at the moment. New York is an expensive place to vacation."

"Sure," David shrugged, "I've got the drinks covered."

Of course, Emma realized that drinking herself into oblivion was not going to fix any of her problems, and that it wasn't by any means helping her take responsibility for her actions - hell, it was downright stupid - but at this point she's too overwhelmed, too empty, and definitely too broken to care.

"Drinks for the lady," Jamie announced happily, as he set a tray down in front of her, in order to reveal a large number of shot glasses all filled with an amber colored liquid. "Now please remember to pace yourself, yes? I don't want you two to give yourselves alcohol poisoning."

"Mmm," Emma nodded slowly as she reached for the first shot glass, "Of course." David swallowed hard as Emma looked up and met his eyes. "Would you do me the honor of sharing a drink?"

"Why it would be my honor, madam," David said as he picked up a glass of his own, and met her eyes. "We'll go on three. One. Two. Three." They both lifted the glass to their lips and threw it back, groaning as it burned ferociously on the way down. Emma coughed and winced at the taste of the alcohol. She hacked and coughed furiously as the aftertaste caught up with her. "Dear God! What is that!? That's awful!"

Charming just laughed and clapped her on the back. Emma quickly joined in on the laughter. "I'm not entirely sure this stuff is legal," he said after he could breathe again. "The alcohol content is so high, we'll have to be very careful not to drink too much. Just don't tell your mother."

Emma felt laughter suddenly bubble up in her throat. "What would I do without you?"

"Lucky for you," David replied slipping her coat around her shoulders, "You'll never have to find out."

"Can I ask you something?" Emma asked, after they lapsed into a comfortable silence.

"Sure," David nodded.

"Why are you really doing this?" Emma questioned.

"Emma," David sighed.

"Come on, Dad," Emma exclaimed, "We both know that there's way more to this than you're admitting. Hell, my superpower has been going haywire ever since we got here. So please, just level with me, okay? Just tell me the truth. Speak to me like I'm an adult. Just this once?"

"You really want to know?" he asked as he met her green eyes.

"Yeah," Emma nodded resolutely. "Just lay it on me. I promise that I can handle it!"

"Okay," David groaned, "I'll tell you why I'm doing this, but - please try to remember that I'm just the messenger. I have no control over any of this."

"You're scaring me, Dad," Emma told him.

"I know. I know I am, and I'm sorry," David sighed, dragging the sound out for a long time before he continued. "Regina is throwing you a birthday party tonight," David said, while glancing at his watch, "in… 35 minutes no less, so, I figured that I'd try and dull the pain a little bit beforehand."

"Please tell me you're joking," Emma groaned, daring Charming to tell her he was messing with her. But he just shook his head. Emma lifted a hand up to her face and just scrubbed. She was faced with the sudden urge to scream - to scream as loud and as hard as she could, and never stop. But she fought it.

"I'm sorry, sweetie," David said honestly, "I knew you wouldn't be happy about it, and it's why…why I wanted to do this for you. I figured that if you were drunk, that at least it wouldn't hurt as much, but I guess - I guess that's just wishful thinking. Because it's gonna hurt like hell, no matter which way we play it. The truth is, there's no way to make a broken heart hurt less." David was met with silence as Emma struggled to process all of it. "There's also a large potential that this backfires," David told her humorlessly, "I was always a bit of a miserable drunk myself." David let out a deep breath. "Maybe we should just get out of here, and save the drinking for later." Still, he was met with no response.

"Emma?" he asked her gently as he reached out to give her shoulder a comforting squeeze. "Would you please just say something, so I know you're still here?"

"I don't - I don't understand!" Emma breathed.

"Do you need me to explain it all again?" David asked her.

"No," Emma shook her head. "It wouldn't make a difference if you explained it a hundred times. Because none of this makes any sense." Emma sniffled as she choked back tears. "Why? Why does she feel the need to constantly mess with my feelings like this?" Emma fought the urge to slam her hand down on the table, and instead just curled it into a fist. "Why would she even bother sending me an invitation to her wedding? She knows, Dad! She knows that I would never go to the wedding. As if I could _ever_ watch her marry another man! So why?!" Emma paused in order to wipe angry tears from her eyes. "Could she really be that cruel? Would she really want to rub it my face like that?"

"Emma -"

"Which brings me to my second question," Emma said gently. "Why a party? Why does she insist on throwing me a stupid party? Doesn't… Doesn't she understand that I would be just fine with no party at all. Hell, I've done just fine spending birthdays on my own."

"Emma," David sighed. "I wish that I could answer all of your questions for you. I wish that I understood why she keeps hurting you like this, but I just don't know. I don't know the answer to your questions."

"I don't want to go," Emma confessed. "God, Dad, I'm not even sure I _can."_

 _"_ You can," David told her. "It won't be easy, believe me, but you're going to go. Because you can't bear to let her win. Don't let her win, Emma."

"Fine. But if I'm going to do this, then I'll need way more liquor than this, to tolerate this crap," Emma suddenly muttered under her breath, as she lifted fingers up to rub at her temples.

"Emma," David said quietly. "I'm sorry. I'm sure she's not doing it to intentionally hurt you. There's probably more to all of this than meets the eye."

 _Take me for a ride_  
 _Break me up and steal what's left inside_  
 _And hope and pray iniquity_  
 _Has died inside and left a scar_

And just like that Emma found herself tossing back shot after shot, while David stayed loyally at her side. He ordered her shot after shot of liquor and Emma pounded them down until she couldn't taste the strong liquor anymore. The only thing that told her it was still going down was the burning in her throat. David matched her shot for shot. Finally, with enough liquid courage, David was able to ask the question he had so desperately wanted to at the precinct.

"So how did it happen?" He asked, slurring his words a little bit.

"You mean the first time?" Emma asked, also slurring her words.

"Yeah."

"Are you really sure you want to know?" Emma asked.

"Actually, not really. No."

Her heart started to beat a little faster in her chest, and that was just at the memory. Emma doesn't know why, but she's just as desperate to get it off of her chest, as he is to accept her mistake.

"Well," Emma muttered, "We were - uh - arguing in her office, over the Lambert case of all things. And I was still so angry with her for never coming round when I was - well, you know. I was trying to storm out and she - she grabbed me. I tried to umm - to fight her off, but she kissed me and then I don't know. It was like there was this overwhelming fire taking over everything, and I couldn't seem to stop it. I didn't want to. She pinned me against the door, and the next moment she was kissing me. And suddenly it was like - it was like I had lived my entire life building up to that moment. I actually saw flashes of my whole, miserable life playing out as she kissed me. And I knew that I never wanted to feel anyone's else's lips on mine. I kissed her back, and - and I guess you could say that the rest is history."

"Did you know?" David asked, taking a sip of water, trying to sober up a little. "How you felt about her? I mean, how long have you known?"

"Pretty much since we came back from Neverland," Emma swallowed, "I know what you're thinking. I was supposed to be in love with Hook. But - Something changed, Dad. While we were in Neverland Regina and I forgot how to hate eachother, and everything changed. We became teammates with a common goal of saving Henry - and then, friends. When we came back, that progress was ripped away from us again. It was like this hole had been ripped through my chest. Sometimes, I laid in bed thinking - just wishing that I had been brave enough to say something to her about how I felt. But I never could bring myself to tell her. Eventually, she found Robin, and I told myself that I could deal with the pain of never having her - so long as she was happy. It's why I took on the darkness for her. I'm still convinced it hurt a lot less that way. I just couldn't bear the thought of anything happening to her." Emma sighed. "I didn't realize it until much later, but she was so angry with me for doing it," Emma groans.

"Because we were so powerless to do anything?"

"Because I suffered," Emma breathed. "And - because she loved me too, I guess, " Emma shrugged.

"I think it must have been harder on her than you realize. Because she couldn't be there to comfort you." David added. "She probably felt like she lost a lot more than a friend that night."

"Yeah." Emma nodded. He could see the sincerity in her eyes, the pain. "Man, fate is such a bitch sometimes," Emma whined.

That was an understatement. There were days even now that she wished it had all ended long ago. Perhaps, she could have died in peace, without feeling the enormous weight of the sins on her shoulders.

"It is," David added offhandedly. Emma shot a look at him. "What? It's true. Why should you get to say that, and I don't?"

"The one thing I don't understand is, if she truly loves you, why does she stay with Robin Hood," David questioned. "Is it because fate says that is what is supposed to happen? Or is it because she's afraid?"

"It takes a lot of courage to follow one's heart," Emma answered calmly. "She's a coward. She all but admitted it to me herself."

"I know that it doesn't make any of this better, but maybe you're better off just being alone," Charming commented. "At least for now. You've been hurt, Emma. You need time to put yourself back together again. You need to stop letting her actions dictate your emotions and your own actions."

"I'll drink to that," Emma replied. "The problem is. I still love her."

That was also an understatement. It's too bad there were no words for something more than love, or was there? She wished that Regina had been honest with her from the get go. But more than anything, Emma wished that the brunette had been brave enough to tell her of her true feelings. It seemed unfair that it was always so damned difficult to pry emotion from Regina. Why was the brunette always so scared and reluctant to admit how she felt? Hadn't they already laid it all on the line? What else could there possibly be for them to lose?

But no - contrary to Emma's deepest wishes, their relationship was always limited to sex. It was like an unspoken rule. It was the very thing that kept Emma in limbo so long. She could practically see the love in Regina's eyes as the brunette screwed her into oblivion, but never - not once did she hear those three words out loud. It was always, I want you, or I need you, but never the alternative. And then, when Emma finally forced the issue, Regina admitted love, but it still wasn't enough. It couldn't ever be enough, because the brunette still didn't chose Emma.

"It'll get better," David promised. "I just wish you could find someone that made you happy - that would never hurt you."

"Well," Emma smiled, "I'm not too optimistic about that one. The truth is, I've been waiting for _that_ for the last thirty-one years, and I'm afraid I still haven't found a single person who has ever put me first. I'm starting to realize something. I'm unlovable. The truth is, that I can't be loved." Emma laughed rather cynically. "My job is to get everyone else their happy endings, but I think it's fairly obvious that it just isn't in the cards for me. Maybe I'm cursed to be alone - to be miserable."

"Emma," David shook his head, "There is someone out there for you. I know it. There is someone out there who thinks - who _knows_ that you are their whole world. And they would do anything - _anything_ to earn your love."

"But not the one person who is my whole world," Emma spoke shakily. "She's my whole world, Dad. I'm so… It's like I need her to breathe." Emma's jaw clenched as she forced herself to stop talking. "I don't know how I'm supposed to be okay with that. I don't know what to do."

"You do the only thing that you can," David told her wisely. "You move on, to the best of your ability. You acknowledge that it didn't work out, and you continue on with your life. You just have to hope that you'll find someone better for you - someone who will take good care of you and your heart."

 _I'm on red alert_  
 _Bring me peace and wash away my dirt_  
 _Spin me round and help_  
 _Me to divert and walk into the light_

"You know, the only way I let myself get away with what I've done is because I convinced myself that they don't love each other," Emma breathed. "But it stops now."

"Are you sure that you can?" David asked. "Emma?"

"I…" Emma's heart felt like it was being wrenched out of her chest. "I have to try." David nodded, willing to give her the benefit of the doubt. "I have to stop doing this to myself. I can't keep destroying myself like this anymore." David gave his daughter a proud look and a resolute nod.

Emma doesn't have an idea if this is possible, because up until this point she'd never been able to stop herself. She knew that there was only one way to do it, and that was to just rip Regina out of her life completely. The problem was that she always felt pulled back to the brunette. Thoughts started racing in Emma's head and suddenly Emma thought that she knew exactly what she had to do.

"Come on," David said climbing off of his stool, "It's time. We've got to get to that party."

"Fine," Emma grumbled, "But don't you dare let her get me alone, do you understand?"

"Of course," David remarked, "I've got your back, Emma."

Emma nodded, muttering a farewell to the bartender. "Then let's get this over with."

Together, they headed towards 108 Mifflin Street, sobering up a little as they walked. The cold was just enough to cut through Emma's jacket like a knife, and Emma was shivering violently by the time they made it to the darkened mansion. Emma hesitated at the end of the walk, wrapping her arms around herself.

"I don't want to do this," Emma whispered, her words slurring slightly.

"I know," David said as he reached up to squeeze her shoulder. "But I admire you for doing this. And hey, if it makes you feel any better, I'm sure lots of other people are going to be here. Knowing Regina, she probably invited a LOT of people. She never does things on a small scale. Just do it for _them_. And remember to act surprised!" Emma nodded silently, and started clomping up the walk, her boots thudding heavily against the walk. Her movements were slightly clumsy and uncoordinated, due to her inebriation, as she headed up the steps to the porch. Of course, due to her clumsy movements, Emma's foot clipped the top step as she walked, sending Emma sprawling to the floor. She hit the deck with a loud thud, and a pronounced grunt.

 _Kick me when I'm down_  
 _Feed me poison, fill me till I drown_  
 _Wake me up before I get_  
 _Pushed out and fall into the night_

"Emma!" David exclaimed as he rushed over to where she lay sprawled out on the porch, "Are you okay?" To which Emma's only answer was chortling laughter.

* * *

Inside, Regina's brow furrowed as she struggled to figure out what the hell was going on. She'd heard what sounded like a bulldozer crashing onto the porch, and then loud laughter. Snow looked equally as perplexed as they stood hidden behind the banister of the stairwell, in near darkness.

"What on earth is going on out there?" Snow asked.

"You're asking me?" Regina asked. "I think it's safe to say that if they were investigating a break-in, the burglars would have heard them coming about a block away."

"Something isn't right," Snow whispered, "Maybe someone should go out there and look."

"NO!" Regina hissed. "Stay right where you are! It's supposed to be a surprise."

"It looks like Ma has just fallen down," Henry said, as he discreetly peaked out from behind a curtain. "But Dad is helping her up. They're walking to the door now. Get ready!"

The door opened with a loud bang, and Emma stumbled inside, with David immediately at her back, steadying her. Ruby flipped the light switch. And Emma instantly reached up to shield her eyes, as everyone shouted simultaneously.

"Surprise!"

 _Warm my heart tonight_  
 _(force me to lose control)_  
 _And hold my head up high_  
 _(watch as I lose my soul)_  
 _And help me to survive_  
 _(push me until I fall)_

"Oh!" Emma exclaimed, feigning surprise. "Oh shit! That's really bright!" Emma squinted against the light and the sudden pounding of her head. David winced. One thing was for sure; David clearly needed to invest in some acting classes for Emma, because she wasn't the least bit believable. "Uh - Hey! Hi, everybody!" Emma greeted as she lifted a hand to her chest. "Wow. This is - Wow. What a surprise!" Emma's words slurred together slightly. The whole thing was a bit painful to watch - to be honest. "I can't believe that this is all for me! It's so…" It was obvious, just from this little show, that Emma was more than a little drunk.

"Charming!" Regina boomed, as she surged forward with a fire in her dark chocolate eyes. "I gave you one job! ONE!" Regina shouted.

"Oww!" Emma groaned as she lifted a hand to her head. "Damn, Regina! Not so loud!"

Regina seized Charming by the arm and yanked him out of the room with Snow hot on their heels. "What in the hell! I gave you one job! You were supposed to get her to the party!"

"And I did that!" David protested. "You didn't specify anything else. Just that I had to get her to the party at 5:30! I did that!"

"Is she seriously drunk right now?" Regina growled angrily.

"Un poco?" David said as he put his fingers a short distance apart and lifted them up to show Regina.

"I cannot believe this!" Regina shouted. "How in the hell did you manage that, huh?" David winced.

"Charming!" Snow hissed, as she noticed the glassy look in his eyes. "Are _you_ drunk right now!?"

"No!...Well, umm - okay - maybe just a little," Charming hedged.

"Unbelievable!" Regina said while throwing up her hands.

"I'm going to help Ruby get Emma situated," Snow said with a glare at her husband that spoke of a promise to talk about this little situation later. He knew that he would most likely be sleeping on the couch tonight.

"Give me one reason I shouldn't kill you right now," Regina growled as she glared daggers into Charming.

"Oh, I can do you one better," Charming said as he tugged Regina towards him, speaking into Regina's ear in a hushed voice, "I know about you and Emma." Charming heard Regina gasp audibly, and quickly released his hold on her. Regina quickly pulled back, her chocolate brown eyes widening in shock, as she met his daring baby blues.

"If you will please excuse me, I - I think I need some air," Regina said breathlessly, as she quickly turned and rushed away. But David wasn't going to let her off of the hook that easily. He followed closely after her, weaving through the other partygoers as continued hot on her trail. She rushed into the kitchen and started busying herself with cleaning. She looked up from the countertop, as she heard his heavy footfalls. She grasped the countertop tightly, bracing herself, as she prepared for him to verbally assault her. But he didn't speak. Instead, he observed her defeated posture. She seemed just as heartbroken as Emma.

 _Things we lost to the flame_  
 _Things we'll never see again_  
 _All that we've amassed_  
 _Sits before us, shattered into ash_

"So," Regina breathed, "You know…"

"I know," Charming confirmed.

"H-How?" Regina gasped, her hold on the countertop tightening. It tightened so much in fact, that it turned her knuckles white and drained the blood from her hands.

"Does it really matter?" Charming asked quietly.

"No," Regina conceded, while shaking her head, "I - I suppose not."

David decided to throw the brunette a bone. "Emma…" David told her, pausing as to prop himself against the counter across from Regina, "Emma told me pretty much everything." David took a tremulous breath, amending his words, "Well, not everything. But she told me enough."

"David," Regina's whole body was shaking as she met his eyes, "I know what you must think of me. And - I'm surprised that given what you know, that you haven't tried to strangle me with your bare hands. But - I'm hoping that maybe you might give me the chance to tell the other side of the story before you unceremoniously end my existence."

"Regina," David said lightly, "You should know by know that that isn't how I do things. Oh, believe me, when my little girl first told me what you'd done, I was tempted. But then I could see how much she loves you - how much she _still_ cares about you, and I knew that I could never do that. I figured I would give you a chance to explain." His hands clenched into fists. "You - You probably know this already, but you broke her heart, Regina."

"I…I know," Regina whispered. "And it kills me. It feels like it's killing me, Charming. To know that I'm the cause of all of this pain. I hate myself for it."

"I just want to know. What is the point of all of this?" David asked. "Why throw this party, when you know that all it's going to do is open old wounds?"

"Because this is all I get now," Regina said hollowly. "This is the best I can hope for - a glance of the woman that I…" Regina trailed off as she realized how dangerous those words truly were. "Charming, there's something you need to know." Regina paused, taking a pointed look around the kitchen, to make sure that there was no danger of them being overheard. "It wasn't just an affair. I - I love your daughter very much. You _know_ I wouldn't have risked it all, if I didn't care about her very much. She's _everything_ to me."

 _We sat and made a list_  
 _Of all the things that we have_  
 _Down the backs of table tops_  
 _Ticket stubs and your diaries_

 _I read them all one day_

 _When loneliness came and you were away_  
 _Oh they told me nothing new,_  
 _But I love to read the words you used_

"You see," David, laughed. "I suspected as much." But then all humor was suddenly all gone from his tone and his expression. Instead it was replaced by anger, "But there's one thing I don't understand. If you really love my daughter as you claim to, then why in the hell are you still with Robin. Why would you choose _him_ over my daughter?"

"Because I - I was scared," Regina confessed.

"That's a lame excuse, and you know it," David said loudly, as he pointed at her accusingly. "You ruled over an entire kingdom, Regina. You've risked everything and then some. So how in the hell could you pos -"

"But never my heart, Charming!" Regina exclaimed, interrupting him. " _Never_ my happiness."

"That's ridiculous," David said softly, "It's worth the risk. You have to know that my daughter is more than worth risking your heart, Regina. And if you don't believe that then you had no right to start something with her in the first place."

"I - I know that," Regina swallowed, "And that's why - It's why I left him."

Now it was David's turn to be surprised. "You what?" David asked as he reached up to run his hand through his hair roughly.

"I left Robin," Regina repeated in a hushed tone, but one that was still loud enough to be heard where Charming was standing. "I told him everything. I told him that I couldn't marry him, because I had fallen in love with someone else. And when he asked - very persistently, I might add - who I had been sleeping with, I told him that I was in love with Emma. I also told him that I couldn't be with anyone else, because being with them would feel empty by comparison. I couldn't go back to being okay with mediocrity. Not after Emma made me feel things that I'd never felt before."

"I don't understand!" David said, his jaw working furiously. "If this is all true, and you _really_ broke it off with Robin, then why did you send out the-".

"Regina!" Ruby's voice had David swallowing the rest of his words. He did so just in time too, because Ruby came rushing into the kitchen without any idea of what she'd just interrupted. "Hey! There you are! I've been looking all over for you." Ruby said with a relieved sigh. "Look, I'm sorry to interrupt, but I was hoping to get a glass of water for Emma."

"Oh! Of course," Regina said as she released her hold on the counter and rushed over to the cupboard, pulling out a glass. She rushed over to the fridge and got some ice in the glass. Then, she filled it quickly with water and handed it to the brunette. At that point, the timer just happened to go off on the oven.

As soon as they were left alone once more, Regina's eyes found Charming, who was currently pawing the back of his neck.

"I'm sorry, Charming," Regina said softly, "What is it that you were saying?"

"I just don't understand," Charming sighed.

"What is there not to understand?" Regina said. "Do I need to explain it all again?"

"No. It's just... Why haven't you told Emma about you and Robin?" David questioned. "Surely she deserves to know."

"Believe me!" Regina huffed, as she let go of the counter, "I've tried to talk to her about it, but every time I've tried to get in a word edgewise, she's been too busy running away from me to let me. Hell, she can't seem to get away from me fast enough. I don't know what happened in New York, but everything feels different. It's like she hasn't really come back - like all of her focus is still in New York somehow. I don't understand it. And I don't know what to do."

"This is just a hell of a mess, isn't it?" Charming laughed finally, his eyes twinkling. He was beginning to see the humor in the situation. But doubted that Emma or Regina would ever be able to.

"You have no idea," Regina told him. "But thank you for listening. Just to be able to talk about it, helps more than you could ever know."

"If it's any consolation," David said quietly, from behind her, as Regina pulled dinner from the oven, "I'm rooting for you and Emma. I hope that you two can figure out a way to make things work. You both deserve to be happy, Regina. More than anyone else that I know."

"Thank you, Charming," Regina said as she offered him a smile, "You have no idea how much that truly means to me." She paused to take a breath. "Now let's get this dinner on the table, shall we?" David nodded, helping Regina carry the roast and vegetable dishes to the table.

 _These are the things, the things we lost_  
 _The things we lost in the fire, fire, fire_  
 _These are the things, the things we lost_  
 _The things we lost in the fire, fire, fire_

Regina set her dish down in the middle of the table, between Snow and Granny. David sat down on Snow's left, whereas, Regina took a seat on Snow's other side. With a pang, Regina noted that Emma had sat herself down next to Jake. Henry was sitting next to his other mother, chattering about a new comic book that had recently come out. Emma nodded absently, as dishes were passed around the table. Regina noticed how Emma took very little food, and spent a lot of her time eating pushing her food around her plate.

Jake leant into Emma's side, his arm wrapped around of the back of her chair. She laughed at something he said in her ear, but the laughter quickly disintegrated as Emma sensed Regina's gaze. For a heartbeat, green and brown collided, before Emma tore her gaze away, leaving Regina starved of Emma's much needed attention. Regina swallowed hard, as she bumped feet with Emma under the table. Regina held her breath, waiting for Emma to shy away from the contact. But Emma didn't move her foot away. Regina kicked off her heel. And in feeling a bit empowered by Emma's reaction, started running her foot up Emma's leg. Regina's raked in a sharp breath as Emma's eyes flew back to her own, as if she were shocked by it all. Regina arched a brow as if to say, "So?" Emma bit her lip shyly as she held Regina's gaze. Neither woman dared to look away as the rest of the table took up conversations. The trance was broken, however when Jake bumped shoulders with Emma and asked her a direct question. Emma tore her eyes away to make eye contact with him, and the spell was broken.

"So," Ruby asked, trying to make conversation, "You never did tell me, Em. How was New York?"

"Oh, it uh… It was good," Emma responded, trying to sound upbeat as she took a sip of water. "I certainly kept busy. Between the trial and catching up with old friends, it seemed like I hardly had a minute to myself."

"How was the trial?" Lily asked.

"Oh," Emma chuckled, "Well, you know how it is… It's basically just lawyers asking you bunches of unpleasant questions. It could have been a lot worse, though."

"Still, it must not have gone as well as you'd hoped, right?" Ruby asked in a follow up question. "Henry said that the trip took longer than intended."

"Actually," Jake cut in, after taking a sip of his wine, "The trial itself went quite well. The prosecution said that Emma was a star. Her testimony, alone, played a huge part in putting the guy away."

"I'm afraid I'm not following," Snow cut in, between bites of her food, "If the trial went so well, then why did it take so long for Emma to make it back home?"

"Oh!" Jake said, his eyes lighting up, "Wait! You mean Em didn't tell you?"

"Tell us what?" Snow asked, her voice hesitating as she set her silverware down next to her plate. "Emma?"

"Shit," Jake swore, his cheeks flushing with red as he realized he'd just gotten Emma into hot water. "Hey, I'm sorry. I didn't realize - I thought - I guess I just thought that she'd have told you by now."

"Emma," Snow said impatiently, as she met Emma's sheepish expression. "What is it that you ought to have told us?"

"Okay - uh, well - The NYPD brass was so pleased about how I handled the case and the trial that they - uh… They offered me a job, Mom," Emma said quietly. Emma's eyes were all too aware of how every pair of eyes in the room was on her. Emma's eyes flew over toward where Regina was seated, as the brunette unceremoniously knocked over her wine glass, spilling its contents onto the table. The brunette appeared to be quite rattled by this newfound revelation. Regina swore, as she snatched the glass off of the table, but not fast enough to avoid staining her tablecloth. Emma swallowed hard as she instantly noted how Regina was suddenly very pale. Robin grabbed a napkin and instantly set about blotting up the mess.

"I can't believe that I just did that," Regina said with a sharp breath. "It's altogether not like me."

 _I was the match and you were the rock_  
 _Maybe we started this fire_  
 _We sat apart and watched_  
 _All we had burned on the pyre_

"Easy," he said softly, "It's alright, Regina."

"I'm so sorry," Regina muttered. "Please excuse me," Regina murmured politely as she pushed back her chair and walked quickly from the room.

"So what did you say?" Snow asked. Her line of questioning seemed unaffected by what just happened. "Surely you told them that you already have a job, and a _family_ here in Storybrooke."

"Of course I did," Emma responded coolly and calmly. "But they were very persistent, and seemed very willing to make accommodations for me, if I were willing to consider it."

"But you can't _actually_ be thinking about taking the job," Snow said from across the table. "Emma?"

"Actually, I was thinking about it," Emma replied. "The job they offered me. Well, It's a huge honor for someone of my experience. It's practically my dream job, Mom. And the potential for advancement? Well, let's just say that it's very good. I could make Sergeant, or become the Captain of my own unit someday."

"But what about your family?" Snow asked. "Your father and I can't just -"

"I'd come back to visit," Emma said calmly. "Just calm down for a second, okay?"

"You want me to be calm? After you just dropped this bomb shell on us all? I can't help but wonder, Emma. Would you have even told us, if Jake hadn't forced your hand?"

"Of course I would have told you," Emma shouted, as she slammed her hand down on the table. "How could you possibly think otherwise? What?! The only reason I haven't said anything, is because we haven't had the time to discuss it! I just got back yesterday, for crying out loud!" Emma let out a deep breath. "And maybe, just maybe, if you didn't make it so damned difficult for me to talk to you, then I would have already told you. But instead I decided to wait for the perfect possible moment."

"Emma!" Snow blurted out as the blonde's swear words.

"And everything still went to shit," Emma huffed.

"Hey!" Charming burst out this time. "Language!"

"Look," Emma continued. "I know that you disagree with all of my choices, but whether or not you choose to admit it, I am an adult. And I am capable of making my own choices, tough as that may be."

"You just can't wait to get away from us can you?" Snow said as the waterworks started.

"That is not what I'm saying!" Emma groaned, becoming more and more frustrated with each passing beat of her heart. She was starting to believe that there just wasn't anything that she could say. Everything she tried to say or do seemed to make things worse. So Emma did the only thing that she could think of, she had to walk away.

"Look, I'm sorry, Mom. I cannot deal with this right now," Emma sighed, "But I have one question for you. Would it - Would it honestly be too much to ask for you guys to just be happy for me, for once?" "I just wish that I could make you understand what this means to me. I've worked _so_ hard to get to a place where I might finally be able to live out my dreams. _This_ is that chance. And I just know that if I turn it down without even _thinking_ about it, then I'm going to regret that for the rest of my life. I apologize if you feel that this is some sort of _slight_ to you, or if you feel that it somehow _minimizes_ your importance in my life. But I assure you, that I love you all very much. Thank you for listening." With that being said, Emma shoved back her chair and stood, deciding to check on Regina against her better judgement.

* * *

 _We were born with nothing_  
 _And we sure as hell have nothing now_  
 _(You said) we were born with nothing_  
 _And we sure as hell have nothing now_

Emma hovered in the entryway of the kitchen, hesitating as she watched Regina pace furiously back and forth in front of the sink. Emma felt her heart constrict painfully, as she heard a sob break its way past Regina's throat. The brunette reached up to her mouth with one hand to try and push back the sob, while holding tightly onto the wine glass with her right. It pained Emma to see the brunette so distraught, and after some internal debate, Emma decided to put aside whatever feelings she might have. It was obvious that Regina needed her. Emma took a daring step just inside the doorway, watching in distress as Regina suddenly threw her wine glass into the sink, shattering it into dozens of jagged pieces.

"Regina," Emma spoke up from the doorway, alerting the brunette to her presence for the first time. Emma felt a pang of regret as Regina stiffened at the sound of her voice.

"Not now," Regina huffed. Her hands were shaking, as she latched onto the edge of the sink. Regina felt like her world was collapsing around her, and it was all of her own fault.

"Look," Emma breathed, "I - I was going to tell you everything, I swear. I was just trying to find the right time to say something."

"I said not now, Emma!" Regina snapped harshly, releasing the counter to reach up and pinch the bridge of her nose.

"Are you - Are you seriously mad at me right now?" Emma said as she was faced with an almost inexplicable urge to laugh. Emma was left trying to understand her own feelings, as she was suddenly fighting back laughter at this situation's irony. Regina almost couldn't believe what she was hearing, until she looked up to see the blonde's shoulders shaking with suppressed laughter. "I-I'm sorry," Emma apologized as she reached up to wipe away tears from her eyes, "It's just- this is almost too funny. Or sad. Or both. I honestly have no fucking clue anymore."

"God damn it, Emma," Regina shouted, "What the fuck is wrong with you?"

"What the fuck is wrong with _me_?!" Emma yelled incredulously. "What the fuck is wrong with _me_?" she repeated the question. "I believe the question is, what the fuck is wrong with _you,_ Regina?" Emma said as all traces of laughter were suddenly gone from Emma's dark green eyes. "You seriously want to be mad at me right now? Damn it! You brought this on yourself!"

"Emma, what the hell are you talking about?!" Regina snapped. "How can you possibly stand there and blame me for this?"

"I came in here to help you!" Emma hissed. "I was worried about you, and how you would take all of this, and I wanted to make sure you were okay. But this is what I get! It's a wonder as to why I can't bear to be in the same fucking room as you."

"Emma," Regina felt the anger coming off of Emma in waves. She didn't know how they could both be so angry and hurt at the same time. Things seemed to be getting worse and worse between them with each encounter. "I'm just trying to understand! I'm trying to figure out what your problem is with me. What - What have I done this time?"

"You mean you don't know?" Emma practically growled. "God, this is just so typical of you, Regina!"

"For fuck's sake, would you please just tell me!" Regina spat back, "I'm sick of playing guessing games, Emma. What? What in the hell could I have possibly done to earn this degree of anger and indifference from you. I...I thought we were making progress."

"We were," Emma confirmed, "But you just couldn't help yourself, could you? You had to shatter my world just to prove your control over me. But, you see, I've decided not to take it anymore." Emma choked back tears as she let herself feel the pain of the last couple of days. "How could you do this to me? Haven't - Haven't you hurt me enough already?"

"Emma," Regina sighed as she took a step towards the blonde. "I'm sorry, okay? I don't...I still don't understand what it is that I've done, but I'm sorry. I never meant to hurt you."

Emma shook her head.

"Emma, please" Regina breathed in exasperation. "Just talk to me."

"I just need to know the answer to something," Emma said calmly.

"Of course," Regina told her. "Go ahead."

"What was the point of the invitation, huh? What is the point of sending me an invitation to a ceremony that you know that I will never - in a million years - go to! As if I could ever watch you get married to another man!"

Regina felt a bit of shock at Emma's words, "What in the hell are you going on about?"

"I'm talking about the wedding invitation, Regina!" Emma said, as she gesticulated wildly. "I'm talking about the wedding invitation that you sent me yesterday! At least I'm fairly sure it was meant for me. It had my name on it in your fucking handwriting."

"What?" Regina was suddenly at a loss for words. "What in the hell are you talking about? I - I didn't send you a wedding invitation, Emma. In fact, I never sent them out. Robin and I end-" She was trying to tell Emma that they'd ended things weeks ago. But the blonde, of course, didn't let her get that far.

"You know what? Fuck you," Emma hissed. "I'm done with this, Regina. I'm done with your fucking mind games. I refuse to play anymore. I'm out of here."

 _These are the things, the things we lost_  
 _The things we lost in the fire, fire, fire_  
 _These are the things, the things we lost_  
 _The things we lost in the fire, fire, fire_

Regina took a step forwards. "Emma, wait! Just listen to me!" Regina said urgently, "I didn't send out any invitations. I had no reason to! Robin and I ended things weeks ago. The wedding is off."

"More lies," Emma hissed. "You know, I'm starting to think you're incapable of telling the truth, Regina."

It was at that moment that Robin strode into the kitchen, looking worried. "Hey, is everything okay?" he asked. "I heard shouting."

"Y-Yeah," Emma nodded, taking a deep tremulous breath as she struggled to calm the shaking in her own hands, "I was...umm - actually just leaving."

"Are you sure everything is okay?" he asked. "You seem upset."

"Yeah," Emma nodded, "Look, I was just telling Regina that while I appreciated the wedding invitation, that I'm afraid that I won't be able to attend the ceremony. I- I'm afraid that I'm going to be out of town at the time. And even if I were here, I doubt that I'd want to attend." Emma reached into her pocket and pulled out the cardstock, tossing it onto the island for Regina to see. Regina gasped in horror, as she laid eyes on the cardstock she'd picked out. Emma's name was written on the invitation, confirming that the invitations had been sent out somehow. She also noted that Emma had checked the box, confirming that she would not be attending.

' _No_.' she thought in abject horror, ' _It can't be_.'

"I think I'll be going now," Emma said as gently as she could manage, "Thanks for the party."

"Emma," Regina said as she pleaded with the blonde. "Emma, wait!"

 _Do you understand that we will never be the same again?_  
 _Do you understand that we will never be the same again?_  
 _The future's in our hands, and we will never be the same again_  
 _The future's in our hands, and we will never be the same again_

The look in Emma's sea green eyes as the blonde turned back, to look at her one final time, was chilling. "Leave me alone. And stay the fuck away from me, Regina," Emma said coolly before exiting the room. Regina suddenly felt the world as she knew it, cease to exist. She exhaled sharply as she hunched over. She tried to take a breath but failed. She literally couldn't breathe. She couldn't breathe, and it was scaring the crap out of her.

"Regina?" Robin asked tentatively.

"What did you do?" Regina struggled to get out, as she looked up into his concerned gaze.

"What?" Robin asked.

"The invitations, Robin!" Regina shouted, as she slammed a hand down on the island hard enough to cause a sharp pain to shoot up her arm. "You sent out the invitations!"

"Shit! I-I forgot," Robin said. "You have to believe me! I sent them out before the break-up, and I just forgot to tell you!"

"Oh my god! How - How is this happening right now?" Regina asked. "Stuff like this isn't supposed to fucking happen!" Regina took in a wheezing breath, as tears sprang to her eyes.

"Look, I'm sure that if you just explained what happened, she'd-"

"Are you even hearing yourself right now?" Regina snapped, "Were you not just here?" Regina's jaw was tensed in anger as she fought against every emotion threatening to escape. "She's never going to listen to a single thing I have to say, again! I might as well give up right now! She - She hates me!"

"Regina-" Robin said as he reached out a comforting hand.

"Leave," Regina ordered him, through gritted teeth.

"Regina, please," Robin said as he took a step closer. "I'm sorry okay? If you want me to talk to her, I will. I'm sure she'd listen to what I have to say, if-"

"Damn it," Regina hissed, "Can't you just do what you're asked? For once? Get out of my sight!"

"I'm so sorry," Robin said quietly, as he left Regina alone. Her sobs chased him out of the room.

 _These are the things, the things we lost_  
 _These are the things we lost in the fire fire fire_

 _Flames they licked the walls_  
 _Tenderly they turned to dust all that I adore_

* * *

Emma was nearly to the front door, when a hand caught her by the arm. She quickly wrestled out of their grasp, before turning to find out who it was that had halted her escape. She was met by two soft baby blue orbs.

"Hey," Jake said quietly, "Where are you going?"

"I just - need some fresh air," Emma said as she met his worried expression, "I was just going to take a walk. I need to cool down a little bit."

"Emma," Jake said apologetically, "I'm so sorry. I didn't realize that you hadn't told them yet. I didn't mean to get you in trouble."

"Hey, it's okay," Emma said flatly, shoving her hands into her pockets, "It's not your fault. You couldn't have known. The truth is, I should've told my parents as soon as I got back. I guess I was just waiting for the right time." She paused. "But there was never going to be a right time," she admitted.

"Are you sure you're okay?" Jake asked.

"Yeah," Emma nodded. "At least I think that I will be. I- I just need a few minutes to clear my head."

"Do you want me to come with?" he asked, reaching for his coat. But Emma stopped him.

"No!" Emma said all too quickly, "No. Look, I appreciate that you want to be there for me, but I…I really need to be alone right now. I'll be in touch soon, okay?" Jake just nodded, watching as Emma stepped out and into the night, before she shut the door behind her with a resounding thud. Emma jogged down the walk at a brisk pace, without looking back. She had no plans of returning to the white mansion. She was done with 108 Mifflin Street, and its sole occupant.

* * *

 ** _A/N: Please don't hate me! I'm sorry to those of you who feel like this story has ruined their lives! Believe it or not, I do have a SwanQueen ending planned for this story. That hasn't changed._** ** _Perhaps, Charming and Henry can help achieve that?_**

 ** _Please hit the review button if you're feeling so inclined! After this doozy of a chapter I would even understand if you wanted to yell at me, or even just in my general direction! (And maybe I deserve it...idk.)_**


	17. Giving Up the Fight

Title: Make it Without You

Category: TV Shows » Once Upon A Time  
Author: Alwaysbringback-up  
Language: English, Rating: Rated: M (for language and sexual themes)  
Genre: Angst/General

 **Chapter 17: Giving Up the Fight.**

 **Pairing: SwanQueen**

 _ **Disclaimer: I don't own any part of the OUAT universe. All characters belong to Adam and Eddie, the show's creators. I promise that my writing is done purely for recreational purposes only. No ill harm is intended.**_

* * *

 _Tuesday, November 3rd, 2015; 10:14 p.m._

 _The Docks, Storybrooke, Maine_

 _Do you know what's worth fighting for?_  
 _When it's not worth dying for?_  
 _Does it take your breath away?_  
 _And you feel yourself suffocating?_  
 _Does the pain weight out the pride?_  
 _And you look for a place to hide?_  
 _Did someone break your heart inside?_  
 _You're in ruins_

Emma walked aimlessly as the sun plummeted in the November sky, causing the light to quickly dwindle away and plunge Storybrooke into darkness. Stars began to appear in the sky as Emma walked. Pretty much everyone was already inside, so the streets were empty. Emma walked down the middle of the otherwise silent streets, her boots scuffing against the pavement. The blonde suppressed a shiver as a gust of icy air cut right through her thin frame, and she quickly reached down to zip up her jacket. With a loud zip, she sealed away what little warmth remained inside. Emma let out a shuddering breath, lifting her hands up to her mouth. She cupped them against her mouth and blew on them, desperately trying to breathe warmth back into the already icy flesh. At some point near the docks, Emma gave up all of her efforts. Emma let her hands fall away, giving up all hope of staying warm. It was simply too cold. To be honest, she wasn't sure she even cared about the possibility of freezing anymore. She was beyond caring. She felt completely bereft. Emma simply stuffed her hands deep into the pockets of her jacket and continued walking.

As she approached the dock, Emma veered right along the shore, and continued on her way in near-darkness.

 _Buzz…Buzz…Buzz…_

Emma cursed, and kept walking. She ignored the buzzing of her phone. She was more determined than ever to spurn the world around her. But most importantly, she had no desire to talk to who it was that was calling. There were two likely candidates, her mother and Regina, and she had no desire to speak to either of them. She just wanted to be left alone. Emma came to a sudden stop as she looked out along the shore. She could see the lighthouse, in the distance, providing a beacon for the ships of the bay. Even from this distance, the light was remarkable, contrasting against the darkness threatening to swallow the world around her and the sea beyond. Emma looked at it wistfully, and decided to head down the shore towards the lighthouse.

The breeze coming off of the water was remarkably warmer than it had been in downtown Storybrooke, and Emma was suddenly grateful. She was beginning to lose all feeling in her limbs and the warmth from the breeze at least provided a brief respite. Emma breathed heavily as she headed onto the beach. Her breath misted in the moist air, and quickly dissipated. Emma inhaled deeply, relishing the scent of the sea. She loved everything about the sea; she loved feeling the moisture of the water blowing in her face. She loved smelling the salt in the air. For whatever reason, she found it comforting. She didn't completely understand feeling that way, but suspected that it had to do with her first memories of spending time with Henry at his safe haven, the castle.

 _When you're at the end of the road_ _  
_ _And you've lost all sense of control_ _  
_ _And your thoughts have taken their toll_ _  
_ _When your mind breaks the spirit of your soul_ _  
_

 _Your faith walks on broken glass_ _  
_ _And the hangover doesn't pass_ _  
_ _Nothing's ever built to last_ _  
_ _You're in ruins_

Emma walked a long way down the beach, happily vanishing in obscurity. She almost dared someone to find her all of the way out here. Emma came to a stop on the beach just south of the rocks not far from the lighthouse, and plopped down onto the cool sand. Emma sprawled out, leaning back on her elbows as she stared up into the sky. Every so often the lighthouse's beam would flash into her eyes, temporarily blinding her. But she really liked it here. Hell, it might even be her new favorite safe haven.

Emma lifted her hands to her stomach, and let out a deep, calming breath. She closed her eyes, and lifted her knees up and out of the sand. For a long time, she let her thoughts drift. She couldn't wait to head to New York and start a new chapter of her life. Maybe she could truly put all of this behind her, and have a happy, normal life. Before Emma knew it, Emma dozed off. She woke up much the same way she drifted off, slowly, peacefully. Emma took in another deep breath, listening the to the monotonous, calming sound of waves crashing on the beach. Emma moaned softly, and let her hands fall away, silently wondering what had woken her. Then she felt it. Her stupid phone was going off for the countless time. She could feel it vibrating in her back pocket. Emma let out a growl as she pulled it out with numb fingers, unsurprised to see that it was Regina calling.

She also saw, via the display that Regina had called her close to a dozen times. Letting her anger get the better of her, Emma hit the answer button, and practically barked into the phone, "Take a hint, Regina, I don't want to talk to you." Emma bit down hard on her tongue. "I told you to leave me alone."

"Emma," Regina implored her. "Please just hear me out. Robin sent out the invitations without telling me, okay? I wasn't playing mind games. I…I would never intentionally hurt you like that."

"Yeah?" Emma bit out, "Well you did. In fact, that's all you seem to keep doing. You keep hurting me, Regina. So if you really care about me at all, you'll respect my wishes and leave me alone. Goodbye."

"Emma, I..." Emma ended the call before Regina had the time to say anything else. Emma let out a scream and chucked her phone into the surf. It splashed into the water.

 _And in one little moment_ _  
_ _It all implodes_ _  
_ _But this isn't everything you are_

 _Breathe deeply in the silence_ _  
_ _No sudden moves_ _  
_ _This isn't everything you are_

"You're probably going to regret doing that later," Ruby's voice had Emma jumping a mile high. Emma turned and met Ruby's concerned gaze, where the brunette with a red streak in her hair was standing about five feet away.

"You know, I have a lot of respect for you, girl. Let me just say… You sure know how to crash a party. First off you show up all drunk, which was totally badass and something I'd totally do by the way. But then, as if that wasn't badass enough, you walked out before we even got to the gifts. Oh, and Regina completely lost it! In fact, I've never seen her freak out like that before."

"Yeah? Well I couldn't care less about what Regina Mills thought of my exit," Emma gritted out. "Seriously, Red, I have zero fucks to give."

"Haha," Ruby said as she sauntered forwards. "You two have been screwing, haven't you?"

"You're full of it, Rubes," Emma told her. "Are you sure that you haven't lost your shit? Because I'm telling you that you're well on your way to insanity."

"Uh huh," Ruby laughed. "Sure." Then, "You're going to have to do a hell of a lot better of a job convincing me, because you're not doing a very good job right now. I saw the eyes you guys were making at eachother from across the table. I have a hunch that her foot was running up your leg, too." Emma's response to this was merely to reach up to her hair and pull as hard as she could to inflict pain as she screamed into the darkness.

"So," Ruby said knowingly, "You want to talk about it?"

"Are you fucking kidding me right now?" Emma said angrily. "I came all the way out here to get away from all of this shit, and now you think I want to talk about it? How in the hell did you even find me, anyways?"

"Easy," Ruby said. "I'm a wolf, remember? I have an impeccable sense of smell. It sort of led me straight to you."

"Yeah, well I'd appreciate it if you turned right around and went back the way you came," Emma said while sounding sore, "Because I'd rather just be left alone right now."

"You say that, but the fact that you're talking me seems to indicate otherwise," Ruby said as she walked the five or so feet to the blonde and plopped down in the sand next to Emma, defying the blonde's wishes.

"At least tell me you're alone and weren't followed," Emma begged of her.

"I'm alone," Ruby confirmed. "And I would know if I had been followed." Emma sighed, and let things lapse into silence. After several minutes, Emma reached into her pocket, and pulled out her pack of cigarettes and a lighter. She silently offered one to Ruby, who gratefully accepted, sticking the filter between her lips. Emma sparked the lighter and lifted it to the brunette's cigarette, before lighting her own. Then, Emma took in a voracious breath, and closed her eyes in ecstasy. Slowly, she exhaled, blowing smoke into the frigid night air.

 _When it's time to live and let die_ _  
_ _And you can't get another try_ _  
_ _Something inside this heart has died_ _  
_ _You're in ruins_

"I took it, you know," Emma said finally, as she looked at Ruby out of the corner of her eye. "The job."

"What?" Ruby's surprise was genuine. Ruby looked straight into Emma's green eyes, which she could just make out through the darkness. "You made it sound like you were still mulling things over."

"Yeah," Emma shrugged, taking another puff from her cigarette, "Well I lied about it. I…I just didn't want to upset my parents, or Henry." Emma suddenly laughed humorlessly, "A lot of good that it did me, too. It still ended in waterworks. My mom is never going to forgive me for leaving, but I can't… There's no way that I can possibly stay. Not now."

"Geez, Em," Ruby said sadly. "I…I wish I could say that I was surprised, but I think I've always sort of known that Storybrooke was never going to be big enough to hold you. You were born with a restless soul."

"Yeah? Well the truth is that I was never cut out for this," Emma shook her head. "Prior to this, the longest I'd been in any one place was one or two years. No place ever felt like home."

"But I always hoped that Storybrooke was different," Ruby said. "I mean…Emma, you honestly seemed happy here."

"I was," Emma confirmed. "But things change. Look, the fact that I've been here for almost three years says a lot about how much you all mean to me. But even so, it is still too much. Rubes, I…I can't stay here."

"I'm really going to miss you," Ruby said honestly, as she bumped shoulders with the blonde in a display of affection. "You're one of the coolest people I know, Ems. I…I don't want you to leave."

"I…I'll come back to visit," Emma promised, and Ruby nodded. "My parents and Henry will still be here. You _know_ that I can't go long without seeing them." Again they lapsed into comfortable silence.

Emma looked over the water and off into the distance. She could see red and green lights flickering atop buoys in the bay, lighting the way for any ships caught out in the darkness. Emma let out another shuddering breath. She could see part of Storybrooke out of the corner of her eye. Many of its lights were reflected onto the churning water of the sea, acting as a sort of light show for Emma's weary eyes. It served as a sort of amazing one-time picture for Emma's gaze.

"It's beautiful out here," Ruby said finally. "I can see why you like it."

"Yeah," Emma nodded, pushing herself up onto her feet. "I…I should get back. I've got to get to work on typing up my resignation letter."

Emma offered Ruby her hand, pulling the brunette to her feet. Emma let out a gasp of surprise as the brunette wrapped her arms around Emma in a crushing embrace. Emma slowly breathed in, accepting the other woman's offer of comfort. "Listen, Em," Ruby said as she released the blonde and stepped back, "I want you to know that you can _always_ talk to me."

"I know that, Rubes," Emma replied with a gentle smile. "You're my best friend. If there's ever anything I need to talk about, you'll be the first person I talk to."

"You promise?" Ruby said almost shyly.

"Yeah," Emma nodded. "Of course. Thanks for being there for me. I've felt so alone lately… It's nice to know that I'm not all alone in this." Ruby nodded.

"Despite what you think," Ruby said gently, "You'll never be alone, Emma. This town is full of people who love you. Just try to remember that whenever you're feeling down."

"I will," Emma said as she turned away from her friend and started walking down the shoreline. The only sound to be heard was the gentle crashing of waves against the beach. Emma let out a tense breath as dawdled, heading back towards civilization at a lazy pace.

* * *

 _Wednesday, November 4th, 2015; 6:23 a.m._

 _Main Street, Storybrooke, Maine_

It was in the early hours of the morning when, Emma passed under the clock tower, and walked down Main St. towards the Sheriff's station. She pulled out her keys and pushed them into the lock. With another deep breath, she twisted the key and heard the locks turn over. She pushed her way inside and pulled the door shut behind her, sealing herself inside. She walked briskly over the laminate, checkered flooring and into the bullpen. Her footfalls echoed through the silence. Emma walked through the darkness to her desk and flipped on the lamp.

She leant over towards her computer and reached around the back, switching it on. It came to life with a dull whine. While she waited for the computer to power on, Emma adjusted the keyboard at her desk. Emma let out a steadying breath as she tried to come up with the best way to do this. She yanked over several drawers in her desk, searching for a blank sheet of paper. On the third try, she found what she was looking for. She quickly pulled out a piece of paper and plucked a pen out of the empty mug next to the lamp and scribbled down a rough outline, attempting to categorize and condense the thoughts swirling around her head into a concise, sensible argument.

There was no point in putting it off any longer. It was time to turn in her formal resignation, and start preparing David to take care of business at the station. Emma scrubbed at her eyelids with her thumb and forefinger, attempting to scrub away her tiredness. Emma reached to her pocket and pulled out a small leather bi-fold wallet. She slowly flipped it open and stared at the gold shield. With tears in her eyes, Emma traced the letters etched into the metal. She set it down next to her keyboard, and got to work.

Nearly two hours of corrections later, Emma finished the letter and printed it off. She plucked it out of the printer with a feeling of trepidation. Was she truly doing the right thing by leaving? Emma let out a groan and let her head fall against the wall in front of her.

She couldn't afford to start second guessing herself now. Emma walked back over to her desk; she placed the letter on its surface and grabbed her pen. She swallowed thickly as she lifted her pen to it and signed, sealing her fate. Emma folded it and placed it in an envelope. She plucked her keys and badge from its surface, and left. She walked the short distance to Town Hall, and let herself inside.

 _Don't keel over now_ _  
_ _Don't keel over_ _  
_ _Don't keel over now_ _  
_ _Don't keel over_

As she approached Regina's office, Emma felt her heart pick up its pace dramatically in her chest. She unlocked the door with her master key and stepped inside. Her eyes raked slowly over the empty room. The place held so many memories for Emma that it was hard for her to be there, even for a brief moment in time. On shaking limbs, Emma walked forwards to the brunette's desk, and set the envelope down in front of the Mayor's empty chair.

"I'm sorry," Emma whispered into the darkness. "I don't want to hurt you like this, but I have to go." Emma plucked her badge from her hip and set it down on the desk's mahogany surface, next to the envelope. Emma silently let herself out, with tears silently streaming down her face. Emma wiped them away. She walked back down Main St., just as the sun began to rise in the East, bathing the world in light once more. Emma reached up to her cheeks and scrubbed.

She pushed into the Sheriff's station, not paying any attention to the world around her.

"Mom! Where have you been all night?" Emma jumped as she looked up to find Henry sitting at her desk. He was sitting comfortably, as if he was prepared to sit there for a while. His feet were propped on the desk's surface. "We've all been worried sick!"

"I'm fine, Hen," Emma said as she pulled off her jacket.

"Why didn't you answer any of our calls?" Henry asked.

"I just needed to be alone for a while, kid," Emma told him. "I needed time to think."

"Can we get something to eat?" Henry asked, as Emma walked over and knocked his feet off of her desk.

"Does your other Mom know where you are?" Emma asked him. Henry gave her one of his innocent looks. But she knew that he was likely hiding something from her.

"Does she?" Emma asked again. This time, he at least had the decency to look guilty. "Henry, we've talked about this! You can't just go running off without telling your mother where you are."

"I had to get out of the house," Henry whined, "You don't understand! Robin and Mom had a colossal fight after you left last night," Henry told her. "When she found out he sent out the wedding invitations without telling her, she freaked. I swear…I've never seen her so livid before. She…She threw all of his stuff out on the front lawn this morning."

"Look, kid," Emma said as she let out a tired sigh and plopped down in the chair next to Henry's, reaching out to squeeze his shoulder. "I'm sure they'll sort it out. People…people fight sometimes, Hen, but your mom and Robin love eachother very much. They'll figure it out."

"No," he shook his head, "They won't." Emma crossed her arms protectively over her chest, as if to protect herself from what he might say next. "She's doesn't love him."

"Why do you say that?" Emma asked.

"Because she loves you," Henry answered, his voice so earnest that it was almost sad.

"With all due respect, kid," Emma laughed as she retreated further into herself for protection. "You don't know what you're talking about."

"I might be only fifteen years old," Henry burst out, "But I'm not _stupid_. I know about the affair, Emma."

"W-Wait," Emma gasped, finding herself suddenly unable to breathe. "Y-You know?"

Henry nodded.

"H-How?" Emma managed after struggling for air. Her face was heavily flushed with color.

"Mom told me," Henry said as he held Emma's gaze.

"She…She told you?" Emma was stunned. She stumbled over her words as she tried to work through her confusion. "I don't understand. Why… Why would she do that? We spent months going out of our way to keep it a secret from you and everyone else. And then she just goes and tells you?"

"Don't you get it?" Henry said as he leant forwards, "It's because she loves you. She told me so herself. She wants to be with you."

"No," Emma hissed, as she sprang to her feet, "No." Emma's boots clicked against the tiled flooring as she began briskly pacing back and forth, raking a hand roughly through her hair as she struggled to breathe.

"Mom?" Henry asked worriedly as he stood up, "What's wrong?" Emma just shook her head.

"Why aren't you happy?" Henry asked as he met her eyes. "You should be happy."

"Yeah?" Emma laughed humorlessly, "And why is that?"

"Because Mom ended it with Robin," Henry told her.

"W-What?" Emma squeaked, her voice cracking roughly on the word.

"She broke up with him," Henry told her, "She told him everything, and broke it off while you were in New York. She left him so that you could be together."

"What?" Emma breathed, completely flabbergasted. "I don't...I don't understand."

"What don't you understand?" Henry asked her.

"She didn't want me," Emma breathed.

"That's a load of crap and you know it," Henry said audaciously, "She's always wanted you. My Mom wanted you from the moment she first saw you. She's been in love with you for years."

"Henry," Emma sighed, hating the way his eyes lit up at the notion of her and Regina. She didn't want to be the one to break his heart. She'd already caused him too much pain.

"She told him she couldn't marry him because she was in love with you." He smiled widely. "Isn't that great? Now you two can finally be together!"

"Henry," Emma said forcefully. "Listen to me," Emma said as she grabbed him gently by the shoulders. "We're not going to get together," Emma said sadly. "I'm sorry if that's what you were expecting, but it's…it's not going to happen."

"Why not?" Henry questioned.

"Look, Henry," Emma sighed loudly, raking a hand over her face. "I think we need to talk about some things." Emma walked him slowly backwards and sat him down, before kneeling down herself. She wiped away several tears from her eyes, as she met his beautiful green ones. "Your Mom and I… we broke up over a month ago, and we're not…we're not getting back together."

"But…"

"She chose him, Hen," Emma informed him. "I asked her to make her choice and she did. Just because she changed her mind, doesn't mean that I have. It's…It's over."

"She just needs another chance!" Henry blurted loudly. "Can't you find it in your heart to forgive her?"

"You don't understand," Emma said, shaking her head, "I spent my entire life being told I wasn't good enough. All I wanted was to be someone's first choice, and she…she chose _him_."

"And there's not a day that has gone by that she hasn't regretted that choice," Henry told her. "I know it!"

"It's not enough," Emma said calmly.

"Please just…" Henry continued to beg.

"I'm sorry," Emma murmured sincerely. "I know you think I am, but I'm not your mom's happy ending, kid. She'll find someone else."

"No!" Henry protested. "No! She won't! It's you! You know it's you!"

"Listen, I'm...I'm leaving," Emma said with a sad smile, as she pulled out her NYPD badge and handed it to him. "I...I took the job in New York."

"What?" Henry's voice cracked, as he examined the badge. "What?! No! You can't!"

"Henry," Emma sighed, "You don't understand. It's already done. I took the job before I came back. I start there in two weeks."

"Then I'm coming with!" Henry said determinedly.

"No," Emma shook her head, "No, Henry. You… You have to stay here, okay? Your other Mom needs you here. But I promise I'll come back to visit every chance that I get."

"Grandma was right!" Henry said, "You can't wait to get away from us all, can you?" Emma flinched as his words struck her with a force she wouldn't have thought possible.

"Henry," Emma said as he grabbed him by the shoulder, "Listen, I get two weekends off a month. I swear that I'll come back and spend as much time with you as is humanly possible. You know I love you more than anything! I promise I'll come back to see you."

"That's just it," Henry said through his own hurt. "You don't love anyone but yourself." Emma tried to hide the hurt his words caused, but she couldn't. They just hurt too much.

"Henry!"

"You want to leave so badly, then leave!" Henry shouted. "But if you go, know this. You might as well never come back, because I'll never want to see you again!" Emma felt as if he had punched her. In fact, she was still reeling as he pushed his way past her and exited the room at a run. As the shock of what just happened set in, Emma lowered herself to the floor, exhaling a shaky breath as she lifted her hands to her face.

She didn't expect him to understand, but his words still hurt.

"Maybe I deserve to be miserable," Emma whispered.

 _And in one little moment_ _  
_ _It all implodes_ _  
_ _But this isn't everything you are_

 _Breathe deeply in the silence_ _  
_ _No sudden moves_ _  
_ _This isn't everything you are_

* * *

 _ **A/N: That's it for now! I'll try to update soon, but school has been absolutely insane. Please review!**_

 _ **What do you think Regina's reaction to Emma's letter of resignation will be? I'm just curious to see what you guys think!**_


	18. You Think You Know Somebody

Title: Make it Without You  
Category: TV Shows » Once Upon A Time  
Author: Alwaysbringback-up  
Language: English, Rating: Rated: M (for language and sexual themes)  
Genre: Angst/General

 **Chapter 18: You Think You Know Somebody**

 **Pairing: SwanQueen**

 _ **Disclaimer: I don't own any part of the OUAT universe. All characters belong to Adam and Eddie, the show's creators. I promise that my writing is done purely for recreational purposes only. No ill harm is intended.**_

 _ **A/N: Sorry that it took me a while to write this update. But for whatever reason, none of what I wrote seemed to be good enough, but I'm hoping that it is up to par with everything else I've written.**_

 _ **Just a fair warning, there's some serious angst in this chapter. (What else is new, right?!)**_

* * *

 _Wednesday, November 4th, 2015; 8:15 a.m._

 _Sheriff's Station, Storybrooke, Maine_

Emma was in pain. She sat huddled in a slightly fetal position on the floor in the Sheriff's station with her back pressed against her desk. Her eyes were red and bloodshot with the tears she had reluctantly shed. Her vision still blurred at the edges with the tears that she was now holding back. She'd never felt such excruciating pain before. Surely if she pulled out her heart, she would find it in several pieces. After all, something had to explain the god-awful and altogether physical pain taking up residence in her chest. There was only one way that Emma could think of to make it stop. With trembling fingers, Emma reached up to her sternum, and prodded at the bone. She wondered how something like this worked. Surely a bit of force was needed in order to get past all of bones and sinew. The blonde ceased breathing completely, as her hand pushed forcefully inside. For a fraction of an instant, the pain worsened exponentially, as hand sank deep into her chest with a terrible squelching sound. Emma couldn't stop the hoarse scream from escaping as her fingers closed around the pulsing muscle, before she ultimately wrenched it from her chest altogether. Emma gasped at the instant relief she felt, as she freed herself from the pain.

She swallowed as she hefted the heart in her hand. Her heart weighed more than she would have ever expected. But what shocked her most was that it was no longer the pristine white that it used to be, all full of purity and innocence and all around goodness, but instead it was tainted and tarnished. It was now charred with black, and dark red.

It was further proof that there was no going back to the person she was before she became the Dark One. For a long time, Emma stared at the pulsating muscle, turning it over and over in her hands. Emma let her head fall back against the desk, her head throbbing with the pressure behind her eyes. With one hand, Emma reached up in an attempt to alleviate it, applying pressure to her eyelids. Slowly she exhaled, blowing air between her lips. After a while, everything lapsed into silence and the only sounds that could be heard were Emma's measured breaths.

"Emma?" David's voice was the first thing to pervade the silence. "Emma, honey, are you in here?" Emma stiffened, all too aware that she couldn't let her father find her in this disheveled state. Emma quickly pushed herself away from the desk, scrambling on her knees. She had to hide her heart away, where it couldn't be seen. Frantically, Emma tugged at drawers of her desk, just praying that in her haste to leave earlier that she had left one unlocked. Thankfully, one of them yielded, and opened. She tossed her heart inside and slammed it shut just as her father walked into the room.

"There you are," David said in relief, as he laid eyes on his daughter for the first time since the night before. "Your mother and I have been worried sick." Emma's breathing was rapid as she struggled to calm herself. "Where did you disappear to last night? You just left the party without so much as a word…"

"Yeah," Emma nodded, "Well, I needed some time alone."

"You never came home last night," David said as he stepped into the room. Emma bit down hard on her tongue, as she struggled to come up with a reply. She placed herself between her father and the offending drawer, subconsciously placing her hand over the wood.

"Emma?" David asked as he walked forwards. "What are you doing?"

"I…" Emma felt a spike of horror as her Dad pulled open the drawer she was guarding. She reacted quickly, slamming the drawer shut. But the damage was already done. Her father had already seen what was inside.

"Is… Is that what I think it is?" David questioned. "Emma, please tell me that you didn't!"

"I couldn't," Emma, said, her voice fracturing as she tried to speak. "I couldn't handle the pain anymore. Dad…everything hurts so much, I just…I couldn't take it any more."

"Emma," David sighed, raking a hand roughly over his jaw. "Believe me, I know it hurts, but you can't just take out your heart in order to avoid feeling that way."

"I just needed a break after last night," Emma confessed.

Emma sank back to the floor, her head sinking into her hands. David carefully dropped down beside her, apprehensively reaching out to rub soothing circles on her back. He wanted to offer whatever comfort to her that he possibly could. "You're not alone, honey. Please believe me when I say that there are times in all of our lives that we wish we could just due away with the emotional pain and anguish that comes along with a broken heart. But in the end, those times are what strengthen us, and give us compassion." Emma let out a large breath, leaning over to put her head on her father's shoulder.

"Oh, please," Emma scoffed, "As if you've ever experienced a broken heart. You and Mom are so utterly in love that sometimes it's sickening."

"But believe it or not," David told her, "We had to endure a lot of turmoil in order to make it this far." He let out a deep breath. "There were countless times that your mother and I nearly didn't make it." Emma's jaw clenched as she struggled with an array of internal emotions.

"Did I ever tell you about the time your mother took a forgetting potion?" David said softly. Emma turned her head, quickly meeting her father's sparkling blue eyes.

"A forgetting potion?" Emma repeated softly, as her curiosity was instantly piqued.

"Don't you dare even think about it!" David lectured, as if he could read her mind perfectly. "Emma, taking something like that is dangerous. Your mother didn't even know who I was!"

"She took it to forget you?" Emma questioned. "But why?"

"Because she was in love with me, and I was promised to another," David told her.

"Kathryn?" Emma asked. David shook his head.

"She was Abigail in the Enchanted Forest, but yes," David nodded. "She was Midas' daughter."

"And you were going to marry her?" Emma questioned. "Even though you fell in love with mom?"

"I didn't have a choice," David argued. "I had my mother to think about."

"Your mother," David breathed softly. "She was broken hearted. She was in love with someone who she thought that she could never have, and so she went to Rumplestiltskin. He gave her the potion and told her that it would cure what ailed her, a broken heart."

"And she forgot you?" Emma questioned. "She honestly had no idea who you were, or what you meant to her?"

"Yes," David admitted, "And she became an altogether horrible person for it. Magic always comes with a price, Emma. Promise me that you won't make your mother's mistake."

"But it would be so much easier to move on, if I could just…"

"I know you love Regina, Emma," David interrupted. "Would you really do something like that to her? The thing about taking a forgetting potion is that you don't get to choose what you remember. You don't get to just take the good and forget the bad. You'd forget _everything_. Every moment that you've ever spent with her…all of the love you shared with one another, would just be gone."

"If that's the case then how did you get Mom to remember who you were?" Emma questioned. "True Love's kiss?"

"Believe me," David chuckled, "I wish it had been that easy. We were fortunate though, and eventually all of your mother's memories were returned to her."

"I don't know if I can do this," Emma confessed. "It hurts so much. God, it would be so much easier if I could just live without it for a while."

"I know," he said in understanding. "But experiencing such emotions is what makes us human. Somehow, living life without it, makes you less of a person, and more of a monster. Just… think of what it did to Cora. Is that what you want? Do you want to become like her?"

"N-No," Emma exhaled shakily.

"I…I hate to say this," Emma laughed hollowly, as she wiped away tears, "But you're right. I…I don't know what I was thinking."

"Let me help," David offered. Emma wiped at her cheeks, watching David as he pulled open the drawer and lifted Emma's heart out of it with a certain care and gentleness that made her sure he would always love her. Somehow, she knew that he would always be there for her, even when she was broken and ashamed. Emma swallowed thickly as he knelt down in front of her.

"Just a fair warning, it often hurts worse going back in," David warned her. "Mainly because all the feelings you were trying to be rid of will come back with a vengeance. Just know that it's going to be okay. I'm right here, and I promise you won't be alone."

Emma nodded and closed her eyes. She felt his other hand pressed to her chest. He gently eased her heart back into her body. But the truth was, there was just no possible way to ease into it. He was right, all the pain she had sought to be rid of came back with a vengeance. A sob ripped through her throat, as it slammed into her full force. Her whole body shook violently as tears rolled furiously down her cheeks. Her breaths came heavy and fast. She found herself gasping for air as she combated the emotional and physical pain. Emma felt two arms wrap tightly around her, holding onto her. She buried her face into her father's neck, her sobs quickly growing loud and uncontrolled. Gently, he rocked her back and forth, whispering soft words of comfort into her ear.

"Shh," David breathed, "It's okay, Emma. I've got you." They stayed like this for a long time, bonding in ways that she wouldn't have thought possible. "It's going to be okay. I promise."

It seemed to take forever for her cries to wane and her breaths to return to normal, but eventually they did. She felt David's tight hold on her loosen as he picked up on her overall sense of calm. Eventually, even her heart rate slowed to its normal beat.

"You okay?" David asked gently, giving her a little squeeze.

"Y-Yeah," Emma breathing hitched. "Yeah, I…I think so." Slowly, David's touch retreated. He stood up, and reached out for her hand, delicately pulling Emma to her feet. He walked her over and gently eased her down in the chair, and then went to fetch a bottle of water. He quickly returned and offered it to her.

"Here," he said gently as he set it down on the desk. "Drink this."

Emma nodded her compliance and reached out to grab the water from the edge of the desk. As her hand closed around the bottle and she pulled it towards her, she miscalculated, knocking an item from the edge of her desk.

"Shit. Sorry," Emma apologized.

"Here," David said as he bent down, "I've got it." Emma felt her heart lurch in her chest as she realized what had fallen.

"No! I've got it," Emma shouted loudly, lunging for the fallen object. But she was too late. David was already straightening with the object clutched in his hand.

"Emma," David muttered softly, his brow creasing in confusion, "What is this?" Emma held her breath as he flipped open the leather, to reveal what was inside. The badge inside was not her Sheriff's badge, but rather a Detective's shield for an officer of the NYPD. His throat was suddenly very dry, as he struggled to come up with the means to respond. But he was so shocked that he couldn't put anything he was feeling into words. His baby girl was leaving him and his wife behind. He just knew it.

"Dad," Emma murmured softly.

"What… What is this?"

"It's my badge," Emma replied softly.

"I…I don't understand," he said as he met her eyes. "You took the job?!"

"Look, I…I'm sorry, okay?" Emma said softly as she stood and walked several steps towards him. She flinched as he took a step back, his eyes trained on hers. She could see the hurt in his expression. "I've been trying to think of a way to tell you, but I couldn't. I…I really didn't want to hurt you, or mom. I just…" Emma's voice turned to pleading. "Please…" Emma implored him. "Please don't hate me."

"I could never hate you," David said emotionally, "You're my _daughter_. I love you, and I will always support you no matter what. But this _hurts_ , Emma. It really does."

"I know," Emma said softly. "I'm sorry." Emma pressed two hands to her middle, as if to contain the pain. "I…I just can't stay."

"What am I supposed to tell your mother?" he asked expressively.

"You don't have to tell her," Emma said gently. "Look, it… It was my decision. I should be the one to break it to her."

"This… It's going to destroy her," David told her, "You know that, don't you?

"Yeah," Emma nodded, her voice tightening, "I do."

"She's not going to be able to understand why you would want to leave us," David murmured softly, "No matter how circumstances led you to believe otherwise, you're our little girl, and you always will be." His voice cracked. "Just promise me, when you tell her, you can't tell her the real reason you're leaving."

"I will try and find a way to explain my motives," Emma told him.

"It's just for a while," Emma promised, "Please." Emma held his gaze, swallowing over the lump in her throat. "You were right. I can't stop. I'll never stop wanting her. This…is the only way for me to get over it. I have to do this…."

Emma closed her eyes as she felt her self-enveloped in two strong arms, they held her to his chest, tightly.

"I know," he told her. "Does Regina know about the job? Does Henry?"

"Henry knows," Emma told him, as tears built in her eyes. "And Regina should soon. I…I uh typed up my resignation last night, and left it on her desk this morning."

"Wait," David said as he pulled back to meet her eyes, "You're not going to tell her in person?"

"Are you kidding me?" Emma asked. "I…I can't tell her in person. She'll kill me, Dad."

"Emma," David protested.

"Hell," Emma groaned, "If I had my way, I would be a thousand miles away before she even knew I was gone. I'm pretty sure that's the only way that I make it out of this alive."

"Emma," David sighed, "You can't do it this way."

"And why not?" Emma asked.

"Because it's cruel!" David blurted. "Despite what you've convinced yourself to be true, she loves you too. And at the very least she deserves to hear it from you, and not from a piece of paper and a badge left on her desk."

"It'll be better if she hates me," Emma told him. "Hell, maybe her and Henry can form a club."

"What are you talking about?" David questioned.

"My son," Emma said tremulously. "and his reaction when I told him. He…He hates me, Dad. He said that if I leave that he never wants to see me again."

"You know that he doesn't really mean that," David argued. "Look, honey. Everybody lashes out when they get hurt. The fact that you're leaving, hurts. He just doesn't want to lose his mother."

"I told him that I would come back to visit as much as possible," Emma recalled.

"Which might not seem like a whole lot at this point," David pointed out, "Not when he's gotten used to having you here these last few years. But eventually he'll get over it. He might even come to understand it in time."

"I hope so," Emma breathed. "Because I couldn't bear it if he cut me out of his life. I…I love him more than anything."

* * *

 _Wednesday, November 4th, 2015; 6:47 a.m._

 _108 Mifflin Street, Storybrooke, Maine_

Regina slept fitfully throughout the night, tossing and turning, and barely ever falling asleep. However, nor did she ever open her eyes. As hours of the night slowly ticked by, the sheets and comforter became an increasingly tangled mess at her feet. She dreamt of Emma, always of Emma, but rather than being comforting, her dreams were all quite the opposite. They taunted her. She endured nightmare after nightmare, all with one common theme throughout. Emma was always leaving her.

Regina awoke with a start, her breathing labored and heavy. Gasps fell from Regina's lips as her latest dream permeated her consciousness. Once again, Emma had left her, but this time, the blonde had done so unwillingly. In her dream, the blonde had been shot responding to a call. Regina had arrived just in time to pull the blonde in her arms. It had felt so much like losing Daniel, watching the love of her life slip away. She could still feel the warmth and the slickness of the blonde's blood on her hand. She had begged the blonde over and over not to leave, much as she had that night in the loft. And yet, Emma had stil let out one final exhale. Regina had practically watched the light leave the blonde's vibrant green eyes, leaving them empty of her soul. Regina struggled to catch her breath, even now, minutes after she'd awoken. Her chest heaved up and down, as she attempted to calm herself. Tears pricked hotly at the back of her eyes, and Regina let out a sob. The dream had felt so real, and Regina knew that it would never leave her. She would carry this pain with her for the rest of her life. Sweat began to trickle down her temple and disappeared somewhere around her hairline.

Regina opened her eyes to a small stream of light pouring through her window. Regina reached out, pulling the pillow on the opposite side of the bed towards her. She brought it to her chest, hugging it tightly. For a fraction of a moment she imagined that it was Emma lying there in her arms. If she had had her way, the blonde would be there, offering gentle reassurances that she was okay... Regina squeezed her eyes shut, burying her nostrils in the cool fabric of the pillowcase and gently inhaled. By some miracle, Emma's scent still lingered on the pillowcase, and it comforted her. Regina took a deep breath, closing her eyes. It all still felt so raw. The notion that she might never know Emma's touch again, was too painful to bear.

 _It's all just a blur, the nights are the worst,_  
 _This bed still smells like you_  
 _Wake up from the dreams, catch my breath,_  
 _It takes everything I've got to move_

Her body let out an almost violent shiver as it responded to the now cold sweat, lingering on her body. Regina sat up slowly in the bed, as she fought her exhaustion with a yawn. She strained an ear towards the stairs and hallway, surprised to hear no sounds drifting from Henry's room. Henry, like her, was usually an early riser. Carefully, Regina plucked her phone from the nightstand just praying that she had some sort of message from Emma. But her hopes were crushed, when she found none. Slowly, Regina climbed out of bed and padded towards the bathroom. She needed to take a shower to wash off the sweat from her body, and prepare herself for a new day.

She had an odd sense of foreboding that it was only going to go downhill from here.

* * *

In less than an hour, Regina was pulling into her spot outside of Town Hall and walking through the main doors. She walked right past her secretary, refusing to heed her secretary's words of warning, as she pushed into her office and stalked towards her desk.

"Madame Mayor, wait! There's something that you should kn-" her assistant called out as she pushed into the office, just as Regina reached her desk in order to find a coffee waiting for her, and something else. Regina froze, the shock hitting her full force. The handles of her clutch slipped unceremoniously from between her fingers, and her bag hit the floor with a deafening thud.

 _Set me up for the falling, gave me no warning you were gone_  
 _Let me down I was reeling, I can't believe what you have done_  
 _Go do what you've gotta do, damn words will follow you_  
 _Everywhere you go_

Her secretary trailed off, as she realized she was already too late.

"What- What in the hell is this?" Regina questioned as she met her secretary's skittish gaze.

"I didn't open it," her skittish secretary intoned, "It was waiting on your desk when I came in this morning. I figured it was something personal."

Regina opened her mouth to reply, but found herself at a sudden loss for words, as her eyes crossed over the badge and envelope sitting on the edge of desk, and darted back. She suddenly couldn't breathe. She knew what it was, without even having to open it. Her premonitions were correct. The blonde was leaving her, and likely Storybrooke behind. There was no saving what they had. All last vestiges she had of hope were gone. She couldn't help but feel as if her life was very well over.

"Madam mayor," her secretary asked quietly, "is there anything I can do?" Her secretary asked, picking up on the woman's despair. "Is there anything you need?"

"Yeah," Regina gasped, as she struggled to hold it together. "You can get out of my office. I- I need to be alone just now."

"Ma'am?"

"I said get the hell out!" Regina ordered, as she reached towards her desk, planting a hand palm down onto it's surface.

"Yes, Ma'am," her secretary said meekly, as she rushed out of the room, shutting the door behind her. Regina tried to take a breath, and failed miserably.

She felt several choking sobs escape as she struggled to make out the letters etched into the golden badge. But somehow she already knew what it was and who it belonged to. Without thinking, Regina reached out for it, plucking it from the surface. A violent shiver shot up her spine as her thumb slowly traced the letters and numbers. The metal felt cold and heavy in her hand. She'd never realized just how much the badge weighed until now. It seemed appropriate, as it signified the weight of the responsibility associated with the position. Regina stared at the metal piece, completely transfixed. A whisper slipped from between her lips. "No," Regina cried, dropping the badge as if burned. "No…" Regina reached out for the edge of her desk, attempting to hold herself up on suddenly shaking limbs.

 _Yeah it could've been a long long talk to fix this,_  
 _The seas were getting rough, but I thought we were worth it,_  
 _Worth the try, worth the fight, shows you what I know, yeah_

Regina suddenly realized that she needed to see what was on that piece of paper. Most importantly, she needed to know what reasons Emma gave for leaving. Regina reached out for the letter. She lifted it from the desk's surface, her thumb ghosting over her name written in Emma's handwriting on its outer surface. Her hands started to quaver even more as she pulled out and unfolded the piece of paper. Her eyes met an endless string of black and white. Regina's eyes raked furiously over the piece of paper, her heart breaking with each consecutive word. Emma had taken special care not to mention Regina specifically, but much of what was said hinted at the true reason for such a resignation. Regina swallowed, her throat closing up on her. Tears slipped from her eyes and trailed down her cheeks. The brunette remained completely oblivious to the fact that she was crying, until a bead of water struck the paper below, blurring the ink. Regina couldn't breathe. In place of her heart, the older woman felt a searing heat work its way through her chest. She was left gasping for air.

 _Every late night call,_  
 _Every morning kiss, all the "I can't live without you's"_  
 _And you say goodbye like this_  
 _Don't you understand, do you even care?_  
 _If you love me like you said you did, you'd still be standing here_  
 _You think you know somebody…._

Just as suddenly, however, the grief was replaced by something much more volatile. Anger. It burned white hot in her chest and stomach, causing the blood to boil in her veins. Regina picked up item after item from her desk, sending them hurtling towards the wall with a scream of fury. The tinkling of breaking glass could scarcely be heard over her own screams. Regina raged, her screams growing increasingly hoarse, as she let emotion take over. Regina picked up the box from the corner of her desk, only managing to stop herself in the nick of time. Her father's box. She could not imagine destroying something so precious. She wasn't sure if she could bear the notion of losing yet another thing that could not be replaced. Regina set the box back on her desk with a tremulous breath and sank down to the floor. Regina's breaths came fast and furious, as she struggled to deal with the unfathomable depths of her grief for a woman that she loved, and can't help but feel she has irrevocably lost.

 _Tell me where did you go when the lights came up?_  
 _I don't even know you anymore_

"No," Regina growled, still fuming. "She doesn't get to leave. Not like this. Not if I've got a damned thing to say about it."

Regina plucked up her the letter from her desk and stormed out of her office. She rushed down Main Street at a near run, her eyes full of newfound determination. She tore down the street in her heels, ignoring and weaving her way around passersby. Finally she spotted the blonde walking to her car outside of the Sheriff's station.

"Emma!" Regina shouted, her tone hostile. "Swan!"

She reached Emma just as the blonde was climbing into her bright yellow VW bug. Without thinking, Regina reached into the interior of the blonde's car, seizing the fabric of Emma's jacket in her fists. She violently wrenched the blonde sideways, dragging the blonde from the vehicle. And Emma - Emma was so shocked by all of this that she didn't even attempt to fight back.

"What the…!" Emma said as she came back to herself for the first time, and struggled against the assault. Regina was still positively incensed as she threw the blonde to the ground.

"Fuck!" Emma groaned from the impact, feeling the air unceremoniously knocked from her lungs. "Regina! What in the hell is your problem?!" Emma bit out, as she hit the ground with a thud and rolled. Emma struggled to push herself up, but failed. Regina didn't give her the chance. The blonde felt the air knocked from her lungs, again, as Regina kicked her hard in the side before pouncing on her, pressing the blonde face first into the concrete. Emma's body wracked with coughs as she struggled to breathe. The pain that the woman's boot left in her side, was very real.

"What in the hell is this?" Regina growled. Emma tried pushing herself up and off of the concrete, but the brunette didn't let her get far before she shoved her former lover down again. The blonde let out another groan as she was shoved back down onto the sidewalk.

"Son of a…" Emma groused.

"Finish that thought," Regina dared her, her voice holding a dangerous lilt to it. "I dare you."

"Regina," Emma groaned, her body stiffening from the pain she was in.

"Answer me!" Regina demanded, her voice full of fury. "What is this!?"

"I…I don't know!" Emma shouted, clearly frustrated, "I can't very well answer that, if you don't let me look, now can I?"

Emma let out another groan as Regina rolled her over, pining Emma to the concrete. Emma felt her muscles protest with each movement. She gulped as she saw the storm raging in Regina's deep brown eyes. She'd never seen Regina so incensed in the several years that she'd known her, and that was saying something.

"What. Is. This?" Regina repeated, her tone clipped and hostile.

"I still can't see it very well, but judging by how pissed off you are right now, I would have to guess that it's my resignation letter."

"Yeah?" Regina challenged, her eyes flashing in warning. "Well, I've come to tell you that it's been denied."

"Look…" Emma muttered through gritted teeth, "I know that I don't have a whole lot of experience with stuff like this, but I'm pretty sure that's not how this works," Emma breathed, as she held Regina's hostile gaze. "Whether you choose to accept it or not, I'm leaving. The resignation letter was just a common courtesy."

"You call me a coward… but, you're the fucking coward," Regina spat, causing Emma to flinch. "You're leaving and you didn't even have the guts to tell me to my face."

"Regina," Emma sighed, as she met and held the brunette's gaze. Gently, she said, "Look, I'm sorry, okay? I- I'm leaving. I took the job in New York. But you don't have to worry. I promise that I'll make sure that my father is ready to take over my position before I go."

"You're not leaving," Regina, snarled, "You- You can't leave."

"Regina," Emma shook her head. "Don't fight me on this."

"You can't leave," Regina said desperately. "I won't _let_ you."

"And just what are you going to do, huh?" Emma asked, "Keep me here against my will?"

"If I have to," Regina threatened.

"Yeah? Well, I'd like to see you try," Emma challenged, forgetting Regina's capabilities.

"Clearly, you've forgotten who you're speaking to," Regina said dangerously. All humor was suddenly gone however as Emma suddenly felt something slither around her right wrist. Emma's head jerked to the right as she watched several roots writhe out of the ground, and seize control of her wrist, tightening its hold on her limb. It pulled her arm down against the concrete, where Emma could scarcely budge it an inch. Emma wrestled with the magical binds, struggling to free her wrists.

"Jesus!" Emma exhaled, "I was only kidding, Regina."

"And I'm not," Regina told her. "If you think that I'm just going to let you go like this, then you're clearly..."

"Release me," Emma ordered, her eyes flashing. "I'm being serious, Regina."

"No!" Regina hissed, as she grabbed Emma roughly by the chin, causing the blonde to flinch. "How can you do this to us?" Regina felt her voice crack as she spoke. She hated letting her emotions show like this, but it couldn't be helped. "I _left_ him for _you_! I chose you. And now you're just going to leave? Just like that?!"

"Regina," Emma exhaled, as tears built in her eyes. "I…I'm sorry, okay? But I can't…I can't…" Emma fought against Regina's hold, turning her head away from the brunette in an effort to hide her tears.

"What about Henry?" Regina asked, causing Emma to look back into the older woman's anguished expression. "Have you thought about how this will affect him at all?"

"Of course I have! Look, I promise that I'll come back to visit as much as I can," Emma said, as she turned back to face the brunette hovering just above her. "You- You don't have to worry, okay? I won't take your son from you. I would never do that."

"You think that's what I care about?" Regina hissed. "Do you honestly think that's the only reason I'm so upset about this?"

"Of course not," Emma replied honestly, "But I know that it's your worst fear." Emma paused to take a breath. "I just want you to know… I would never do that to you."

"Emma," Regina breathed, with her voice so full of sadness that it broke Emma's heart.

"He wants to stay here with you," Emma told her.

"Wait a minute... He knows?" Regina asked, her eyes widening in surprise. "You told _him_ before you told _me_?"

"Regina…"

"God, I hate you right now," Regina rasped. "I hate you so much for making me feel this way!"

"I know."

Emma groaned, as Regina's mouth suddenly crashed against her own in desperation. It was the only play that the brunette had left. It had never worked for her before, but she had to try. The brunette's fingers wove themselves into fine strands of hair, as the brunette plundered her mouth with her tongue. Emma's eyes closed as she focused on the heady sensation of the brunette's lips on her own. Emma's back arched off of the concrete as she focused on the feeling of Regina's chest brushing against her own. Finally, the brunette pulled away, her eyes desperately searching Emma's.

"Regina…"

"Shut up, Emma," Regina barked, as she latched onto Emma's jaw, effectively shutting the blonde up. "Look, I know…I know you're angry with me. But you're going to listen to me and what I have to say." Emma's jaw clenched as she fought to hold her tongue. "After everything that we've been through, you owe it to me to listen."

"Damn it, Regina," Emma pleaded, "Don't- Please don't do this. Don't make this hurt any worse than it already is."

"Emma, please, I know you still love me," Regina said exasperatedly.

"Of course I still love you," Emma admitted, "And I will _always_ love you. _Always_. But just because you want something to work doesn't mean it necessarily will."

"I love you," Regina breathed, attempting to calm her racing heart. "Please, I love you more than you could ever know. I…I know I hurt you. You were right, okay? I…I was a coward. I chose what was easy instead of following my heart. I made the wrong choice. and not a day has gone by that I don't regret it." Regina felt tears prick at her eyes as she said earnestly. "But it's a mistake that I'll only make once. I spent my entire life desperate to experience what I feel when I'm with you, and I…I'm begging you not to do this."

"That's just it," Emma let out a hollow laugh. "You claim that it's a mistake that you'll only make once. But you've already made the same mistake twice."

"What?" Regina questioned. "What are you talking about?"

"I'm talking about what happened in Camelot," Emma told her. "When we first arrived, you made it sound like preserving my soul was the most important thing in the world. But when Robin's life was in peril, you begged me to save him knowing full well that it meant giving myself to the darkness. You chose him over me."

"Emma," Regina gasped, "I- I didn't mean… I would never…"

"Stop," Emma hissed angrily. "Please just stop!"

"Emma…"

"You know, if you think about it, it's kind of funny," Emma said finally. But there was no hint of humor in her expression, "Three years ago you would have given anything to be rid of me. In fact, you would have done just about anything to get me out of your town. And now? Now you're finally getting what you wanted."

"Don't," Regina begged. "Please…"

"This job is a really great opportunity for me, Regina, and I have to do this. I owe it to myself to put my wants and needs first for once. During my time as the Dark One, I felt so much anger and hatred towards everyone." Emma told her, "I was so resentful of my parents, of Henry, of you, because I felt like all I ever did was put you guys first. I spent my entire life being told I wasn't good enough, watching as kid after kid was adopted, while I waited in the wings…just hoping and praying that someday someone would want me for me. Do you have any idea what that does to one's psyche?"

"Emma…"

"All of my life, all I ever wanted was to be somebody's first choice…" Emma whispered. "And you picked _him_. You picked him, Regina, not _once_ , but _twice_."

"I've been miserable, Regina," Emma nearly whispered, "I've spent the last three years, going out of my way to get everybody their happy endings, and no one even cared that it was often done at my own expense."

Regina opened her mouth to protest, but Emma didn't let her.

"Of course, I didn't do the things I did, because I was expecting any sort of a thank you. But…I just wish that you would acknowledge the sacrifices I've made for your happiness, and that maybe…just maybe I have a right to try and find happiness myself."

"You do deserve to find happiness, Emma," Regina said tearfully. "You deserve it more than anyone else I know." Regina reached out to caress Emma's cheek. "I could be your happy ending, if you would only just let me," Regina pleaded. "Emma, please. I'm sorry, okay? I should've realized how choosing someone else would make you feel, but I love you."

"No," Emma shook her head. "Robin is your true love. I was stupid to think that it could ever be me. You were right to pick him, all along." Regina opened her mouth to speak, only to find she was utterly speechless. Soon enough, however, she found her voice again.

"You don't mean that," Regina accused.

"Yes I do," Emma argued. "Look, I- I'm leaving, Regina. This job is everything I have ever wanted and more, and will put me on the fast track to something even better. I have to do this. I don't expect you to understand, but I have to. I'm sorry."

"Emma," Regina breathed brokenly. With a snap the roots around Emma's wrists came free. The blonde rolled them, pushing Regina down against the concrete. Regina felt the air forced from her lungs as the blonde's lips pressed against her own. Regina kissed back with everything she had, savoring every moment of it, until the blonde's mouth was wrenched away.

"I'm sorry," Emma apologized as tears streaked down her face, and fell from her chin. Then before Regina could reach out for her, the blonde was gone.

* * *

 _ **A/N: I'm really sorry for leaving it like this! Writing this chapter hurt, so I can only imagine what it must have felt like for all of you. But at the same time, I could totally see everything happening like this. If you have a moment, please leave me some feedback.**_


	19. Time is Running Out

Title: Make it Without You  
Category: TV Shows » Once Upon A Time  
Author: Alwaysbringback-up  
Language: English, Rating: Rated: M (for language and sexual themes)  
Genre: Angst/General

Make it Without You

 **Pairing:** SwanQueen

 _ **Disclaimer: I don't own any part of the OUAT universe. All characters belong to Adam and Eddie, the show's creators. I promise that my writing is done purely for recreational purposes only. No ill harm is intended.**_

 _ **A/N: Hey, guys! I'm sorry that it's been so long since I've updated, but life just sort of got in the way. I lost my inspiration somewhere along the way, but finally got it back again. I also have the next chapter of this written, but still have to edit it, so I will probably not be able to post it till tomorrow night. Hopefully, this will get you by until then!**_

* * *

 _I think I'm drowning_ _  
_ _Asphyxiated_ _  
_ _I want to break the spell_ _  
_ _That you've created_

 _You're something beautiful_ _  
_ _A contradiction_ _  
_ _I wanted to play the game_ _  
_ _I wanted the friction_

 _Wednesday, November 4th, 3:27p.m._

 _Julianne's Dress Shoppe_

 _23 Main Street, Storybrooke, Maine_

Emma exhaled shakily, as she stared at herself long and hard in the mirror. She'd spent so many months intentionally avoiding her reflection, but now, here in the small dressing room, where there were mirrors on nearly every surface, it could no longer be avoided. After all this time of avoiding the truth, Emma finally had to face what she'd become. The blonde slowly lifted a hand to the glass pressing her fingertips against the cool surface. She watched the almost foreign reflection repeat the gesture in perfect time. If she hadn't seen this, she never would have believed that the woman staring back at her was, in fact, her. But there was no denying it now. This is who she was now, a shadow of the woman who came to Storybrooke all of those years ago. Her cheeks were sunken, her eyes dark. Bones jutted out of her skin in far too many places. It both disgusted and repulsed her.

 _Hope the wound heals but it never does_ _  
_ _That's cause you're at war with love_ _  
_ _You're at war with love, yeah_

 _These battle scars don't look like they're fading_ _  
_ _Don't look like they're ever going away_ _  
_ _They ain't never gonna change_ _  
_ _These battle..._

She'd been in dark places many times before, especially after giving Henry up for adoption. But by some miracle she'd always managed to pull herself out of the spiral. This time, however, she didn't seem to be so fortunate. There was no denying it. She was struggling, flailing in the water, but sinking deeper and deeper into the darkest depths of depression. God, she just wanted to give up so fucking badly. At least then, perhaps the pain would be over.

 _I wish I never looked, I wish I never touched_ _  
_ _I wish that I could stop loving you so much_ _  
_ _I wish you weren't the best, the best I ever had_ _  
_ _I wish that the good outweighed the bad_ _  
_ _Cause it'll never be over (never be over) until you tell me it's over_

Emma knew that the pain would follow her until the end of this life, and then even likely into the next. She could say this with confidence, because on some deeper karmic level, Emma's soul would always be a magnet for such pain and darkness. It was fated to be so, and she knew that she sure as hell never stood any chance against kismet.

 _I wanted freedom_ _  
_ _But I'm restricted_ _  
_ _I tried to give you up_ _  
_ _But I'm addicted_

 _You will be_ _  
_ _The death of me_ _  
_ _Yeah, you will be_ _  
_ _The death of me_

 _I'm at the point of breaking_ _  
_ _And it's impossible to shake it (yeah)_

"How's it coming in there?" Snow's voice seemingly seeped through the door.

Emma startled in response, not prepared for the silence to be so suddenly broken. Emma leapt, lifting a hand to her chest as she attempted to catch her breath. It was now coming much too fast. Emma swallowed hard, and wrestled with the garment currently draped over her arm.

"F-Fine," Emma stammered, aware that now her voice didn't sound like it used to either. "I'm just getting into it now."

Emma closed her eyes and let out a long breath, letting her head drop forward against the mirror with a dull _thunk_. She kicked herself. She couldn't keep dawdling as she was. After all, her mother only had so much patience, and she was afraid that if she took too much longer that her mother would come barging in to find her like this.

Emma quickly held the dress out in front of herself, and stepped in to it, slowly pulling it up her body. As the long emerald green dress was lifted higher and higher, her sickly looking body mercifully disappeared from sight.

Emma let out a tremulous breath. She was almost relieved that she no longer had to see the destruction she had inflicted on her own body for so long, because the truth was she couldn't bear to look at herself any longer. For so many reasons, she felt an intense ache inside when she looked at herself. She no longer knew if it was because her stomach genuinely ached from its chronically hollowed out state, or if it was all in her head. Emma closed her eyes. It would be so easy to give in to her every muscle's plea, and just collapse onto the floor. That way she could just be done with it.

 _These battle scars don't look like they're fading_ _  
_ _Don't look like they're ever going away_ _  
_ _They ain't never gonna change_

 _Our time is running out_ _  
_ _Our time is running out_ _  
_ _You can't push it underground_ _  
_ _We can't stop it from screaming out_ _  
_ _How did it come to this?_

She didn't know how much longer she could fight for every breath. Before she could stop them, the endless torrent of questions she had been desperately trying to push back slammed into her full force. All it took was one moment of weakness, one moment where she let her guard down. And now all of her feelings were threatening to rip her to shreds.

Would she even be here a month from now? A year from now? She honestly didn't know. She'd been working so hard on overcoming her problems, but it seemed like she wasn't strong enough. Too much damage had been done. There was so much to overcome. Every two steps forwards, seemed to be followed with one step back. She was making progress, but she was fighting tooth and nail for it. It was taking everything in her just to keep going.

 _Now that you know I'm trapped_ _  
_ _Sense of elation_ _  
_ _You'll never dream of breaking this fixation_ _  
_ _You will squeeze the life out of me._

 _Our time is running out…_

 _Bury it_ _  
_ _I won't let you bury it_ _  
_ _I won't let you smother it_ _  
_ _I won't let you murder it_

Emma was shaking violently now, struggling to tamp down whatever emotions that were currently threatening to rip her apart. She had been trying desperately all afternoon to be strong. She just didn't want her mother to see her in pain, or anyone else for that matter. She just had to get through these last two weeks, and then she would finally be set free from all of her pain, and not forced to reckon with it every minute of every day. At least, that's what she told herself. But yet, at the same time, she knew that this notion was not exactly true. After all, the phrase "out of sight, out of mind," was more wishful thinking than anything. The phrase, "out of sight, out of mind," could not be any more of a bold faced lie, that desperate people such as she, used to tell themselves in order to get through the worst times in their lives. Emma needed to believe it now more than anything. Because she could not accept that she might always carry this excruciating pain with her everywhere. She could not bear to be without hope.

"Emma?" Snow's voice broke the silence once more. "You okay in there? Do you need help with any of the zippers or anything?"

Emma's eyes snapped open. She pulled the single strap over her left shoulder, wrestling with the fabric, that was now constricting her breathing in the worst way. She felt like she was suffocating.

"Y-Yeah," Emma squeaked, unsure of whether she was even capable of pulling up the zipper. But then she caught herself. She couldn't let her mother see her body, and all of the places that her ribs and vertebrae were poking out of her spine.

"Do you want me to come in?" Snow asked as the doorknob started turning.

"Actually, you know what? I've got it!" Emma lied. "Just give me a minute. I'll be right out." Emma strained the already sore muscles in her back, cursing under her breath as every action caused her more pain. But she had to do this. She had to grit her teeth and bear it. Emma finally trapped the zipper between her thumb and forefinger, pulling the zipper upwards with her last ounce of strength. She only prayed that this dress was the one, because she honestly didn't have the strength to pull on another. Emma used the back of her hand to wipe away the beads of sweat from her forehead and turned to the door. She twisted the door knob slowly, and inched the door open, building the anticipation of those outside.

As Emma finally came into view of her mother, she heard an audible gasp. Emma gritted her teeth together, praying that it was a good reaction, and not the alternative. Emma forced a smile onto her lips and looked hopefully at her mother, who was visibly tearing up. For someone who didn't know the brunette, they might easily mistake the tears for what they were. But thankfully Emma knew better. Her mom was an emotional crier. She cried just as many tears for joy as she did for sorrow. The fact that Snow was crying right now was actually a good sign.

"So?" Emma asked hopefully, as she made a show of twirling around. "Will you guys please say something? You're sort of leaving me in the dark here. Is this the dress or not?"

"That's the dress," Red was the first to find her voice. Emma watched her friend's smile widen brightly. If Emma didn't know any better she would almost say the woman was beaming at her.

"Yeah?" Emma said with a sigh of relief.

"Yeah," Red said resolutely. "Take it from me. You're going to break _so_ _many_ hearts in that dress, Em. I mean seriously, I can't imagine you in anything more perfect."

"You look so beautiful," Snow said as she rushed forwards, and wrapped Emma in a crushing embrace. Emma suddenly felt warmth spread out from her insides. The almost crushing weight that had been present in her chest only a minute ago, no longer seemed all that terrible.

"Mom," Emma breathed. "Mom!" Emma exclaimed as she struggled to extricate herself from her blubbering mother. "You're going to get mascara all over my dress."

"I know, I'm sorry," Snow said as she pulled back and wiped her eyes. "It's just that I've missed out on so many of these moments. I'm just so grateful to be able to share this moment with you. I love you so much."

"I love you, too," Emma said as tears built in her own eyes. She gave her mom another squeeze, before she stepped back.

Emma avoided Red's gaze for as long as she could. But when she did finally meet her friend's gaze, she found it to be full of something Emma knew all too well. She wasn't entirely surprised. After all, Emma knew that Red and her mother were extremely close and had been for a really long time. It wasn't fair of her to ask Red to keep the secret any longer.

Thankfully, her mother seemed oblivious to what was going on between the two of them.

Snow smiled, "I'm just going to let Julianne know that we've finally found the one. I'll be right back!"

"Yeah," Emma laughed, "Finally! It only took…what? Like thirty dresses?"

"Hey!" Snow said defensively. "These sort of decisions are important. You should know that by now."

"Uh huh," Emma rolled her eyes. "Whatever you say, Mom," Emma called out, letting her words follow the short brunette as she walked away. Then, she made the mistake of meeting Red's eyes again.

"Em," Red sighed, as she raked a hand over her face. "I…I can't do this anymore. You need to tell her about the job soon, because I honestly don't know how much longer I can keep the secret. It's… freaking killing me."

"I know," Emma replied guiltily. "It's ripping me apart too. I…I just don't know how to talk to her. I'm afraid she's going to take it personally. It's not going to be easy for her to understand why I need to leave." Emma let out a sharp breath. "I mean, god, she's probably going to hate me for it."

"No she isn't," Red argued. "You need to give her more credit. Sure, it's going to be hard for her, but she could never hate you, Em. It just might take some time for her to understand."

"Do you?" Emma asked, freezing a beat as she met Ruby's gaze. "Understand?"

"Of course," Ruby said. "But that doesn't make this situation any easier. We're stuck here, Em. We're all just stuck. So it's hard knowing that you're just about to leave us all behind. I mean…are you ever even coming back?"

"Of course I am," Emma assured her. But it doesn't seem like enough of a reassurance. Emma seemed to pick up on Ruby's thoughts, because she spoke. "You… You don't believe me."

"I just don't think you're being straight with me," Ruby challenged her. "I'm not sure if you're just telling me what you think I want to hear, or what…but it just doesn't feel like you're being entirely genuine."

"Rubes," Emma breathed. For some reason, seeing pain and vulnerability in her old friend did something to her insides. Emma felt horrible.

"Fuck," Emma exhaled, as she struggled to hold herself together in front of her friend. "Just…Fuck!"

"Emma," Red found herself saying as she took a step forwards.

"Please don't," Emma said forcefully as she lifted a hand. Emma's face scrunched up in anguish as tears traitorously slipped from her eyes. Emma quickly reached up to frantically wipe them away.

"I'm just trying to get to the truth," Ruby told her.

"I know that," Emma breathed, "But do you really want it? Because I'm telling you right now that you should be careful what you wish for." Emma let out a hollow laugh. "God, do you even realize what I'm going through? Can you even fathom it?"

"What are you talking about?" Ruby said as she met Emma's shimmering green eyes, "A broken heart? Because if you are, then…"

"No…" Emma shook her head, "No, Rubes, I'm not talking about just a broken heart. I'm talking about a broken spirit. I'm talking about what the darkness took from me, what it did to me. I mean, god, maybe if both things hadn't hit me at once I might have stood a fucking chance. But this? This is fucking torture, Ruby. I keep losing everybody in my life that matters, and it's taking everything in me to just keep breathing. So no, I can't promise you I'm coming back. Because I don't even know if I'll still be alive two months from now. Do you have an idea of how many times I've almost taken my utility knife and just…?"

"Fuck!" Ruby cried out. She just couldn't handle what she was hearing her best friend confess to her. "Stop, Em," Ruby breathed desperately, "Please just stop, okay?"

"See, I knew…" Emma laughed hollowly, as she shook her head, "I knew you'd never…"

"No," Ruby burst out as soon as she realized what her outburst might be construed as. "Oh, god, no. Please don't think that I don't care about you. Fuck!" Emma felt the air stolen from her lungs as Ruby quickly pulled Emma into her arms, as if she were desperate to hold onto the blonde forever. "It's just…you're scaring the shit out of me. I don't know what I'd do if you... Please…Please don't give up. You _can't_ … You can't give up. You can't let the darkness inside of you win."

"I'm…I'm trying," Emma said between her tears. "I've been trying so fucking hard. It's just not enough."

"I know, hon," Ruby murmured in her ear. "I know you are. You just…you need to keep faith that it's going to get better."

"It just feels so hopeless," Emma whispers, "I keep telling myself that I just have to hang on a little longer. That things will get better, but I just can't _see_ it."

Emma opened her mouth to add something, but clamped her mouth shut at the last minute, wincing as her teeth came down hard on her tongue. Instead, Emma just closed her eyes and focused on the feeling of Ruby's arms around her.

"I love you," Ruby said with utmost conviction. "I want you to know that I will always be here for you. I…I don't fucking care if it's three and the morning and you're thinking of hurting yourself. I need you to promise that you'll call me first. At least then I can try to help…I couldn't live with myself if something happened to you… You're my best friend, Em."

"You're mine too," Emma said thickly, as she squeezed her eyes shut and focused on her breathing.

"Promise me," Ruby said desperately. "Promise me, Emma!"

"I _promise_ to call you," Emma said. For a long moment, there was just silence as they focused on each other, trying to be strong for the other.

"Rubes, I know that this conversation is probably more than you ever bargained for, but I can't tell you how much it means to me to have someone that's here for me. It's just…I haven't had a lot of people like that in my life until recently."

"I know," Red spoke, her voice full of understanding. "I get it, I do."

"For so much of my life, I felt like I was alone. Growing up, I was the only one that was ever gonna fight for myself. I mean, getting bounced around the foster system, I never felt like I had anyone or anything. Hell, I carried all of my possessions around in a trash bag… It made _me_ feel like _trash_." Emma exhaled shakily, "To this day, I've avoided thinking about it, because it's too hard. It just…made me feel worthless. And I've never been able to shake that feeling. It… still feels like I'm still not good enough. It's like I'm always going to fall short of everybody's expectations."

"Emma," Ruby couldn't listen to the blonde's words anymore. She pulled back and grabbed Emma by the cheeks, directing the blonde's gaze to her own. "You listen to me, Emma Swan. You are _not_ trash. You are _everything_. You are seriously the most compassionate, altruistic, and forgiving person that I've ever known." The intimacy of those words almost made Emma uncomfortable, but there was something just so sincere about the redhead's words. "There is no one else in this world that could even come close to the kind-hearted and generous person you are. You are your mother's daughter, and _then_ some. It's why I can't imagine the world without you. You're the reason there's so much good in this town. We never would have survived this long without you. Hell, I'm telling you, we would have ripped eachother to shreds years ago without your preaching of redemption and forgiveness. You made us believe that we can all make this world a better place if we just all work together."

"I…I love you," Emma said as she pulled herself into her friend's arms once more, burying her heated face in her neck.

"And I love you," Red said sincerely. "You have no idea just how much." Emma returned the brunette's sentiment in full.

"Are we having a moment that might be misconstrued as something else?" Ruby asked. "I mean…Regina's not going to magically appear and incinerate me for hugging you, is she?"

"Shut up," Emma said as she pulled back and swatted at the brunette's shoulder.

"I'm just saying… She's a little territorial when it comes to you," Ruby laughed. "I've seen the way she looks at Jake when he's not looking. If she hadn't turned over a new leaf, I'd be seriously worried that…"

"Ruby," Emma sighed. "I'm being serious right now, okay? Cut it out. I don't want to talk about Regina right now."

"You're no fun," Red pouted. This earned her a glare. "Fine," Ruby murmured rather morosely. It was then that Emma remembered how much Ruby liked to gossip.

"Are we good?" Ruby asked.

"Yeah, we're good," Emma nodded.

"Alright then, how about you go and get the hell out of that dress so we can finally get out of here," Red playfully prodded.

"Is someone in a hurry to get out of here?" Emma teased.

"Just a little," Red replied honestly. Emma pretended to look affronted. And Ruby stammered. "N-No offense."

"Oh," Emma teased, putting on her best pouty face, "I'm offended, Rubes. I am _seriously_ offended."

"Damn," Ruby cussed, not quite picking up on Emma's playfullness, "Okay…Look, when your Mom asked me if I wanted to come out with you guys to help pick out a dress, I didn't exactly think that it meant I'd be in a tiny little shop for six hours looking at dresses."

"Geez, Rubes," Emma laughed, "I'm only kidding."

"You are?" Ruby asked.

"Yeah," Emma said. "Do you seriously think that _I_ wanted to spend six hours looking at dresses? Because, I assure you, if I hadn't promised my father I would humor her, there's no way in hell I would've tried on half of the freaking store waiting for her approval. In fact, I probably would've tried on five dresses, picked the best one of the five, and then walked out of here in fifteen minutes flat."

"Damn," Ruby laughed, "You and I are so alike."

"You know…you should've known better," Emma teased. "I thought you knew my mother better than that."

"Yeah," Ruby laughs. "I _should_ have. But at least now I know that when she says that she wants to find you the perfect dress for the ball, it means that she's going watch you try on every freaking dress in the entire realm, if that's what it takes. You know… you should consider yourself lucky, Em. Your mom is the kind of Mom most anyone would kill for."

"I know," Emma replies, her voice faltering slightly. "I uh…I should probably get out of this dress before I collapse."

"Good idea," Ruby said with a smile. "Let me know if you need any help."

Emma quickly made her way back to the fitting room and quickly stripped out of the dress. She clumsily dressed in her own clothes, hissing in displeasure as she realized they were hanging off her, even though all of the sizes were extra small.

When Emma pushed open the door to exit, the owner of the shop, Julianne, quickly took the dress from her care.

"I knew that you'd find the right dress, I just knew it," Julianne gushed as she gave Emma a hug and a grateful smile. "It's easily one of my best pieces of work since moving here from the Enchanted Forest. I'm really not surprised that it looked phenomenal on you. I'm just so glad you found it!"

"I guess that I have you to thank for that, so thank you," Emma said as she returned the kind woman's smile. Apparently, Julianne had been the best seamstress that the Enchanted Forest had to offer.

Emma was just grateful to the woman for her patience. It couldn't be easy watching someone try on all of your most precious creations. And Emma knew them for what they were, pieces of art. The truth was, Emma couldn't fathom how difficult it would be to watch a near stranger try on your life's masterpieces.

Emma followed Julianne to the front of the store, where the woman placed it into a garment bag.

"Your mother and I took the liberty of picking out a pair of shoes that will go with the dress," Julianne told her. "We sensed you and your friend were in the middle of something important, so we thought we'd give you space."

"I appreciate that very much," Emma said with a gracious smile.

"These are the shoes that were picked out," Julianne said as she set the box on the counter in front of Emma. "But if you don't like them, we can find something else I'm sure."

Emma looked down at the sparkling silver pumps that matched the embroidery on her dress, and smiled. "No. These should do perfectly," Emma told her. "I love them. Thank you."

"Anytime, dear," Julianne said as she handed the bag to Emma. "I've even thrown in some gel inserts. They're a lifesaver! Trust me." Emma laughed.

"You're a godsend, Julianne," Emma told her. "I hope you know that."

Julianne couldn't help the beaming smile that spread on her face. "You are so much like your mother," Julianne said. "So gracious and wonderful."

"Where is my mother?" Emma asked while looking around the shop, as she suddenly realized the brunette was noticeably absent.

"She stepped out for a moment," Julianne told her. "She said she'd wait for you."

"Oh…well, then I suppose that I should…" Emma said hesitantly, not wanting to be rude.

"You go on right ahead," Julianne told her gently. "I'll see you at the ball."

"Thank you," Emma said earnestly. "Truly, thank you."

"You are most welcome," Julianne told her as she watched the blonde head for the door.

Emma took a deep breath as she pushed open the door and stepped outside, to find her mother waiting for her on the bench. Snow quickly wiped at her face, as if anxious to hide her tears, and Emma just knew… she'd blown it.

"Hey," Emma said as she dropped down onto the bench next to her mother.

"Hi," Snow tried to offer her a smile and failed.

"So, how much did you hear?" Emma asked as she reached out and placed her hand on her mother's knee. She gave it a gentle squeeze of affection, praying that for once her mother was completely honest with her.

"Enough," Snow told her as she met Emma's earthy green eyes.

"Mom, I…I'm so sorry," Emma breathed. "I should have told you sooner. I…I just didn't know what to say."

"Emma," Snow said as she turned so that she was completely facing the blonde. She gently took Emma's face between her hands and kissed the blonde's forehead, "I want you to know, there isn't anything you could ever say or do that would make me hate you."

"I want to believe that," Emma shuddered, as tears sprang to her eyes. "I want to believe that so badly."

"I love you so much, honey," Snow said emotionally. "Having you pulled out of my arms after giving birth to you was easily the hardest moment of my entire life."

"I don't want you to think that I'm leaving, because I don't love you and Dad," Emma said as her whole body wracked with suppressed cries. "It's just that it hurts too much to be here right now after losing Hook…after losing myself." Emma closed her eyes as her mother leant forwards, resting her forehead against Emma's own. "My heart aches, Mom. It hurts so badly, and I just…need to take some time away. I promise I'll come back as much as I can."

"I know," Snow exhaled, "And I want you to know that you can _always_ come back home. I will be at the town line, waiting to welcome you home with open arms."

"You have no idea how much of a weight has been lifted off of my shoulders, hearing you say that," Emma told her.

"Good, cause I meant it," Snow told her. "I'm sorry that I wasn't more open to the idea before. But your father and I had a discussion and I think I understand things a little better now. I don't want you to stay here, if it means you're suffering. I want you to be happy, Emma. I want to see you flourish. I just can't stand seeing the pain in your eyes any more."

"I love you," Emma's voice cracked, as she folded in her mother's arms. She closed her eyes, focusing on the feeling of her mother's hand at her back, rubbing gentle circles.

* * *

 _ **A/N: I know it's been a while, but hopefully you guys still know what to do! Please hit the review button and leave me a few words on your way out!**_


	20. Ships in the Night

Title: Make it Without You  
Category: TV Shows » Once Upon A Time  
Author: Alwaysbringback-up  
Language: English, Rating: Rated: M (for language and sexual themes)  
Genre: Angst/General

Make it Without You

 **Pairing:** SwanQueen

 _ **Disclaimer: I don't own any part of the OUAT universe. All characters belong to Adam and Eddie, the show's creators. I promise that my writing is done purely for recreational purposes only. No ill harm is intended.**_

 _ **A/N: Hey, guys! Here's the next update as promised!**_

 _ **To those of you that were asking, I wound up changing the timeline up a bit since the last time I updated. So the author's note that I tacked to the bottom of Chapter 18 no longer applies. The pivotal scene to which I had referred has not yet transpired, and probably won't be in the next couple of chapters. I'll be sure to let you know when to expect it! If you could just be patient with me, I promise that I'll get there! :)**_

 ** _I just wanted to let you guys know that I've also designed a Spotify playlist to go with this story. It's actually something I've wanted to do for a while now, but only just got around to. I thought it would be cool for you guys to be able to listen to some of the songs that I have gotten inspiration from. If you want to check it out, I've posted it to my tumblr page. My username is /synchronousheartbeats._**

 _ **Also... I love you guys! Truly! Your support means so much to me!**_

* * *

 _Thursday, November 5th, 2015; 8:15 a.m._

 _Sheriff's Station, Storybrooke, Maine_

A very wet, and exhausted Emma was just turning the key in the lock, in order to let herself into the Sheriff's station early in the morning on November 5th, when her phone started buzzing in her pocket. She let out an exhausted sigh and quickly pulled her phone from her pocket in order to answer it.

"Yo, this is Emma," Emma answered as she cradled her phone awkwardly between her shoulder and her ear. "What up?"

"Emma?" Mary Margaret's voice filled her ear.

"Oh! Uh…Hey, mom," Emma replied, "What can I do for you?"

"Well, I just wanted to call and make sure everything was all right. Your father and I missed you this morning," Mary Margaret.

"Yeah," Emma admitted, "I…I sort of had some stuff to take care of this morning. Is there something that you needed me for?"

"I was just hoping to spend some time with you this afternoon," Mary Margaret replied. "You know…just the two of us. I'd like to spend as much time with you as possible before you leave."

"Oh," Emma mumbled lowly. She was tempted to tell her mother she was just too busy, but then she remembered the promise she'd made to her father. "Well," Emma cleared her throat. "I…I don't suppose that you would be free after you get out of work this afternoon, would you?"

"Oh!" Mary Margaret exclaimed excitedly. "I was hoping you'd say that! I'll call Eugenia and see if she'd be willing to watch Neal for a couple of hours, so that I can spend some quality mother daughter time with my favorite girl."

"Okay, Ma," Emma said as a smile slipped onto her face. Sometimes Snow's exuberance grated on Emma's laid-back persona, but other times it lifted her up. She supposed that today was one of those days. "If the town isn't under water by then, I'll…meet you at Granny's as soon as I get out of work."

"Okay," Mary Margaret said, trying to sound cool. "I'll see you then, honey. I love you!"

"Love you, too. Bye, Mom," Emma said as she let her phone drop into her hand, and ended the call, letting out a deep breath.

Emma strode into the station, and gingerly slipped out of her jacket. She was still scuffed up and sore from her encounter with Regina the morning before. As she tugged her arms out of the sleeves, she felt her sore muscles protest, and winced. Emma hung up the leather jacket on the hook by the door, and let out a sigh as the phone on her desk immediately started ringing.

 _It never stops_ , Emma thought as she trudged over to her desk in order to pick it up. Over the course of the night, the city had been inundated with extreme amounts of rain. They had to have picked up inches upon inches of rain, and there were concerns about flooding.

"Sheriff Swan," Emma answered, as she lifted the phone to her ear.

Emma's brow furrowed as she heard crackling on the other end of the phone. She placed a hand on the surface of her desk and leant forwards, trying to retrieve a pen in case she had to take any information. Emma let out another tense breath as she waited for the person on the other end of the phone to say something. "Uhh… H-Hello?" Emma hesitated, "This is Sheriff Swan speaking. Is… Is anyone there?" Emma waited patiently, hearing a soft whooshing sound coming through the receiver. It sounded much like someone's heavy breathing. Thinking that it was a prank call, Emma pulled the receiver away from her ear in order to drop the phone back in her cradle. It was just about to leave her fingers, when she heard a sound make it through the white noise. Emma shivered as she realized that someone was in deep trouble. They sounded badly hurt. Emma's fingers instantly tightened around the receiver and pulled it back to her ear. "Hello?" Emma said urgently, as her shoulder's tensed. "Do you need help? Listen, I need you to tell me if you need help."

"P-Please," she heard a young man's voice whisper, then an audible groan. "Yeah, I…I need help."

"Okay," Emma said as calmly as she can manage. "Can you tell me where you are?"

"I…I don't know exactly. I'm h-hurt pretty badly, and I think my leg is pinned. I-I can't move," he breathed quickly, his words rushing out one after the other. They preceded one another so quickly in fact, that it was hard for Emma to discern one word from another."

"Whoa…slow down, kid," Emma said. "Can you tell me what happened?"

"I…I was driving, I… think I was in an accident?… The road… The road got washed out. I…I don't know what happened." Emma felt her heart begin to race. "I wish I could tell you, but I don't know where I am exactly." Emma felt a spike of empathy as his voice broke, and he choked back a sob.

"Okay," Emma breathed, "That's good. You're doing good. What's your name, kid?"

"L-Lucas," he answered. She could tell from the sound of his voice that he was in a lot of pain. "I…I'm scared. I'm all alone, and I'm worried no one will be able to find me."

"Alright, Lucas," Emma said softly. "Look, I know you're probably scared right now. Hell, I would be too, but I'm making you a promise. I'm going to come get you, okay? I'm going to… I'm going to run a trace on your phone, so that I know where you are, and as soon as I do, I'm going to come and get you, okay? I promise I'll bring help."

"Th-Thank you," he breathed. "Thank you, Sheriff."

"Emma," Emma corrected him, "Call me Emma, Lucas."

"O-Okay, Emma," Lucas exhaled.

"I…I need you to stay on the line with me, okay?" Emma said as she started punching in the necessary code for tracing the phone call. "Keep talking to me." There was only silence, and more garbled background noise. "Lucas? You still with me?"

"I…I'm sorry," he apologized. "I'm so tired…ev-everything hurts right now."

"That's okay, Lucas," Emma felt her heart sink. "You don't have to apologize for that. Can… Can you tell me anything more about where you are? Or what happened? You said you were driving?"

"Yeah," he swallowed, "I was taking the road I usually take into town, to get to school and…and the road…the road was just _gone_. I…I think I hit my head, and blacked out. When I came to, everything was just sort of a blur. I…I think I'm in the creek. There's… There's water pouring into my car, and it's not stopping." Emma instantly straightened, her stomach plummeting. If the kid was in the river or the creek, he was in some serious trouble. She had to get to him, and fast.

"H-How much?" Emma asked, as she pulled her phone from her back pocket and hit speed-dial 1. "How much water, Lucas?"

Emma listened to her cell with one ear, while listening to Lucas with the other.

"Hello?" Regina answered on the second ring, "Emma?"

"Lucas?" Emma pressed. "Don't give up on me now, kid."

"I…I don't know," Lucas mumbled, "it's up past my knees."

"Shit!" Emma swore aloud. "Okay… Look, I need you to stay calm. I'm coming for you kid, just like I promised. I'm going to forward this call to my phone so that I can keep you on the line."

"Emma!" Regina snapped, "What is going on? Did you seriously call me just to…"

"Just a second, Regina!" Emma interrupted the brunette before Regina could say anything further.

Emma couldn't keep the panic from her voice. "Regina, look, I know you're probably pissed at me right now, but we've got a full fledged emergency in progress right now, and I need your help!"

"Then how about you enlighten me, Miss Swan," Regina said impatiently.

"So…we're back to Miss Swan, huh?" Emma questioned.

"Emma, focus!" Regina said pointedly, knowing how easily the blonde got distracted.

"Right," Emma cleared her throat. "So we've got a high-school kid, who has been in a car accident. He sounds hurt, but that's not the only problem. He said that the road was washed out. His car is in the river."

"Where?!" the mother in Regina was suddenly in as much of a panic as Emma.

"I…I'm trying to find out," Emma breathed. "I think I know where, but the trace is still running."

"Forget the trace. Go, Emma!" Regina ordered her. "If you think you know where he is now, then go! I just got a call from the operator who runs the dam. There's a problem, and the river is rising quickly."

"But if I'm wrong about where he is…the kid could _die_ ," Emma felt her hands begin to shake. "I…I don't know if that's a risk I can afford to take."

"Emma," Regina said as forcefully as she could manage. "Listen to me! I need you to listen to what I'm about to say, and I need you to believe me when I say it."

"Okay," Emma swallowed thickly, gulping over the sudden obstruction in her throat.

"I _trust_ you," Regina said earnestly, putting all of her emotions into what she was saying. "I believe in you. Graham was right to believe in you when you first came to town three years ago. You have a gift for finding people, so if you think you know where the boy is, then just go!" Emma nodded. " _Go_ , Emma!"

"Okay," Emma breathed. "I need you to call the other authorities for me. Have them meet me on East M-22. Out by the River."

"I'll get everyone I can and meet you there," Regina assured her. "Be careful, Emma." Emma ended the call, and forwarded Lucas to her cell phone.

"Hey, kid," Emma said as she rushed out of the station at a run. "You still with me?"

"Y-Yeah," he rasped, "I'm here."

"Just hang in there a little longer, okay?" Emma pleaded. "I'm on my way." Emma reached her cruiser just as Regina puffed into existence beside her. Emma let out an exclamation of surprise at the brunette's sudden appearance.

"I thought you said you trusted me!" Emma said with a laugh of deprecation, as she threw open the door to her cruiser.

"I do!" Regina said as she climbed into the passenger seat. "But I figured you could use some help. And having someone along to help might make all of the difference."

"Okay," Emma nodded, as she held out the phone for Regina "Here, take this!"

"What?!" Regina's brow furrowed.

"The kid is on the line," Emma told her. "Do what you do best. _Talk_ to him. Keep him calm. I shouldn't be driving while talking on the phone anyways. So this works out for the best."

"H-Hello?" Regina breathed uneasily into the line. "T-This is Mayor Mills speaking."

"His name is Lucas," Emma informed her. "He's been fading in and out so he might not respond right away. Just…Just keep talking."

"Lucas?" Regina's timid voice spoke into the phone, "Lucas, can you hear me?"

"Regina, buckle up!" Emma said as she threw the cruiser into gear, switched on the lights and siren, and started speeding off in the direction of M-22.

Regina shifted uneasily in the passenger seat beside her as Emma accelerated rapidly. She kept trying to reach the boy on the other end of the phone, but he was even less talkative than he was before. Emma felt her heart swell in her chest as Regina started talking about Henry in order to make some sort of connection with the young boy. She talked about Henry's interests, asked about the kid's favorite super hero, and inquired as to whether or not he played any sports. Emma felt her heart swell with love for the woman beside her. Regina was truly amazing.

For the briefest moment, Emma found herself getting distracted. But Regina's frantic voice finally broke through the haze.

"Emma, look out!" Regina cried out as she lifted her hands to brace against the dash in alarm. Emma, finally seeing what had captured Regina's attention, slammed on the brakes of the cruiser. Time seemed to stop altogether as tires skidded over the pavement, and the brakes locked up on the film of water covering the road. Emma, knowing the brakes all too well, pumped the brake pedal as she held onto the steering wheel with a death grip, desperately trying to keep the car under control. After what seemed like an eternity, the tires finally caught on the pavement again the cruiser lurched to a stop. It was just in time, too, because the road in front of them just disintegrated into nothing.

"Shit!" Emma exclaimed as she threw the cruiser into park, and shoved open the door to the cruiser, jumping out.

"Oh my word," Regina gasped. "He wasn't kidding. There's no road here!"

"Wait here!" Emma said as she shut the door with a loud thud, yanking her radio from her hip. "Dispatch, this is Sheriff Swan. We have a car in the river. A good chunk of Northanger Road is just _gone_. Send an ambulance and backup to my location. I need everyone. This is an emergency. Over."

Regina heard Emma's radio crackle. "Understood. Ambulance and fire rescue is on its way. ETA Four minutes."

"Dispatch," Emma said as her eyes took in the scene. She searched desperately for the boy's car. It was down an embankment about fifty feet, wrapped around two trees another forty yards away. "I…I can't afford to wait four minutes. I'm proceeding with the rescue now."

"Understood," the radio crackled, confirming that her latest transmission had been received.

She glanced up as Regina threw her door open.

"Regina," Emma's eyes flashed in warning.

"Do you see it?" Regina asked as she climbed out. "I can't see it."

"Look to your right," Emma, said, as she planted both hands on the hood of the car, and leant forwards. Regina took a step away from the car and followed Emma's line of sight, gasping as her eyes took in the sight before her. There was a car in the river. It was hard to see it because the water was nearly up to the windows, but it was definitely there.

"Listen," Emma said after letting out a tremulous breath. "Dispatch won't be here for another four minutes," Emma told her, as water blinked down into her eyes. "But I can't afford to wait. The water in the river is rising. The influx of water from all of this rain, is working against us."

"What do you plan to do?" Regina asked.

"My job," Emma said. "I have to move the car closer, though."

"Emma," Regina stomach was twisted in knots; she had a really bad feeling about all of this. There were just too many things that could go wrong.

Emma, however, wasn't going to stick around to listen to her qualms. The blonde wrenched open the door, climbed back into the cruiser, and shifted it into reverse. Then, after she was satisfied she had room to maneuver, Emma shifted into drive and turned it towards the hill. Emma intentionally went off the road, driving down the steep embankment towards the river below. As two trees came up on her fast, Emma slammed on the breaks to slow down. But the soil under the cruiser was soft because of the rain, and the car slid in the mud.

"Shit!" Emma swore as she realized that she wasn't going to be able to stop.

Emma braced herself, just before the front end of the cruiser slammed rather hard against the two trees Emma had been angling for, and lurched to a sudden stop. Emma groaned as she felt the impact in her already sore body. Slowly, Emma released her seat belt and pushed open the door.

"Emma!" Regina called out as she rushed down the hillside towards the car. "Emma, are you okay?"

"Yeah, I…I'm okay," Emma groaned as she dropped out of the driver's side of the cruiser, and onto her knees. It took a minute for Emma to work through the pain, but eventually she managed to get back onto her feet.

"What do we do now?" Regina questioned as Emma sprang into motion.

Emma opened the back door to the cruiser and pulled out her emergency bag, and slung it over her shoulder.

"Well," Emma said as she rushed around the front of her cruiser, releasing the winch so that she could use the towing cable, " _I'm_ going for a little swim. _You_ , however, are going to stay here in order to flag down the emergency vehicles when they get here."

"Y-You can't be serious!" Regina shouted. "Emma, that water is freezing!"

"And just what else would you have me do?" Emma told her. "We can't use magic, can we?"

"I…" Regina hesitated. "No. Not unless we want to risk making things worse. Much worse."

"Look, Regina, I don't have time to stand here and argue with you. I need you to trust me!" Emma said evenly. "Please. I need you to believe that I can do this." Regina nodded. It was hard for the brunette to force herself to stand idly by as Emma started pulling at the metal cable. Regina watched as the blonde jogged briskly down the rest of the steep embankment towards the riverbank.

Regina could barely hear anything over the sound of the rushing water.

Her breaths became ragged, as she watched Emma reach the edge of the water, and step gingerly into it.

Meanwhile, down on the water's edge, Emma let out a sharp hiss, as the water from the shallows seeped into her boots, and quickly climbed up her leg as she pushed forwards. Even in the shallows, she could feel the large force behind the rushing, churning waters of the river. She knew that this was not going to be easy.

Emma took a shuddering breath, willing her body to acclimate to the icy chill of the water as she continued forwards. She struggled to keep her feet under her, as she stepped on uneven rocks concealed beneath the water's surface. Emma winced as she turned her ankle on one of the rocks, and nearly lost her balance. Emma gritted her teeth together, as she struggled to work though the sudden pain that shot up her calf, and into her thigh.

'Come on,' Emma muttered as she waded further and further into the rushing water. She let out a grunt as she lost her footing a second time and nearly tumbled into the deeper water. By some miracle she managed to catch herself just in the nick of time.

Emma sucked in a breath as she struggled the last fifteen feet or so. Just as she reached the point about five feet away, Emma dove for it, reaching out for the bumper of the car, just as the water threatened to pull her downstream into the torrent of rushing water. Emma scrapped with the thick metal cable. She held her breath she dropped to her knees in the water, reaching blindly beneath the car. By feel alone she was able to wrap the metal cable around the rear axis, and secure it.

This, she hoped would help serve as an important anchor and serve as a means of getting safely back across the rapidly rising river. With a gasp, Emma popped out of the water. She quickly raked in a hungry breath, struggling to replace the air in her lungs that she lost.

A violent shiver rocketed up Emma's spine as she climbed up onto the trunk of the car. She was suddenly freezing cold, as an icy gust of wind cut into her like a knife. Her teeth chattered together violently, as her body shuddered with the cold. During her trek across the river, the icy water had soaked her clothes all of the way through. Emma briefly contemplated jumping back into the river. After all, she seemed to be more affected by the cold now that she was exposed to the cooler air, than she had been when she was in the water.

Her body had no choice but to fight the cold in the only way it new how. It was just unfortunate, because it made her tasks even more difficult. Emma braced for impact as her hands and knees slipped on the smooth metal, sending her sprawling. She let out a groan of agony as she belly flopped right onto the back of the car, and as a direct result got the wind knocked out of her. Emma curled into the fetal position, as was left gasping for air for a long moment.

It took everything in her to get back up again, but after some gathering some strength, she managed to get back onto her hands and knees. Slowly, Emma crawled towards the rear window of the car. This was her only access to the inside of the mangled wreck.

Emma closed her eyes for a long moment. She desperately needed her magic to work for her, just this once. Emma's eyes sprang open as she felt a heavy weight drop into her hand.

"Holy shit," Emma whispered in amazement, "It worked." Emma smiled, bringing the point of the axe down on the edge of the back window. Quickly and efficiently, Emma peeled back the glass, systematically opening the back of the car up to her. Even so, the space Emma had to maneuver was very small. She had to contort and twist her body in order to slip through the small space.

"Did anyone call for a rescue?" Emma joked as she eased herself into the backseat. She crouched awkwardly on her heels. "Lucas?" Emma called out gently, "It's… Sheriff Swan!" Emma felt her heart begin to race, out of fear that she was too late.

The boy remained motionless in the driver's seat. Emma noted how the left side of his head rested awkwardly on the window beside him. Emma felt her stomach clench in worry, as she feared that he was badly injured. Emma tensed and held her breath as she carefully climbed into the passenger seat. It was especially cramped because the metal frame on the right side was bent inwards.

Emma let out a sigh of relief as her eyes raked over the boy again, this time from a new perspective. The boy was awake, but was moaning and blinking rapidly. There was no doubt…he had hit his head hard on the steering wheel during the impact.

"Lucas?" Emma whispered as she reached out for him, to assess his injuries. "Hey, can you hear me?" Emma spoke, as she tried to get him to respond. For a while there was silence as Emma continued to try and figure a way to get him out of the car without killing him. She studied and analyzed the position of the car, and struggled to come up with some sort of plan to get him out. It was a matter of calculating risk.

Suddenly a shiver shot up her spine as she listened to him speak for the first time in her presence, "Emma? You… You actually came?" he spoke in amazement.

"Of course I did," Emma said with a smile. "You should know, I keep my promises, kid."

"I didn't think you could find me, even if you tried," he said with a laugh, and subsequent groan.

"Hey, lucky for you," Emma said with a smile, "I have a knack for finding people that are lost."

"Can you get me out of here?" the teenager gritted out as he tried to move. "Cause I think that I'm ready to get out of here now."

"Easy, there. D-Don't move, okay?" Emma ordered as she held her hands up in a cautionary motion. "I'm still trying to figure out the best way to go about this." The boy immediately listened to her and stopped all movement.

Now came the first order of business. Emma needed to know if he was stable enough for her to move him

"Okay…" Emma sighed, "Listen, Lucas, do you think you can do me a favor?"

"I can try," he responded as he grounded himself in her green eyes.

"Good," Emma smiled. "I…I need to take your vitals, okay?" Emma requested, "And for that I'm going to need to stay really still… If I'm hurting you, you tell me, all right?"

"Yeah, okay," Lucas agreed. Emma slid herself as closely to him as she could and reached out to take his pulse. He groaned in pain, but did as he was asked and remained completely still. His pulse was elevated but strong and steady. "Good. That's very good. Thank you," Emma whispered. She moved herself closer to the passenger side window as she assessed his brain function. He had a concussion. That much she could be sure of, but she was encouraged by his responsiveness.

Emma pressed a hand to either side of his ribs, "Can you take a deep breath for me?" Emma held her own breath as she felt him rake in a deep breath of air. He managed to suck in quite a bit of air before he had to stop because of the pain. He quickly let it out again, and groaned. Emma reached down lower, and felt every one of Lucas's abdominal muscles seize up in response. Lucas let out a scream as her hand encountered a jagged piece of metal protruding from his left side.

"Oh shit!" Emma exclaimed. She hadn't seen it, because it was concealed just below the water line.

"Argh!" Lucas screamed loudly as she gently pushed him back against the seat.

"Easy!" Emma coached him. "Breathe, kid. Just take a deep breath. Breathe through the pain for me." Emma felt the mother in her war with her rational side. It killed her to see him in pain.

"Get it out," he begged through clenched teeth. "Please! Just pull it out!"

"I'm afraid I can't do that. If I pull it out, and it has pierced a major artery, you will bleed out before I ever get you out of the car," Emma told him, "The best I can do right now is wrap it, and secure it so that it won't move any. But I'm going to have to get that seatbelt out of the way before I can do that."

"It's jammed," Lucas swallowed, "I tried to get it to release, but it wouldn't work."

"That's okay," Emma nodded. This was not the kind of news she had been hoping for, due to the fact that it complicated things a bit, but fortunately she'd come prepared. "I'm just going to have to cut through it." Emma reached down to the sheath wrapped around her lower calf and pulled out a sharp utility knife. "Hold very still for me, kid."

"Okay," Lucas nodded, his voice sounding dry and hoarse.

Emma flipped open the knife, lifting it to the fabric. Lucas squeezed his eyes shut as she started sawing back and forth, cutting away at the thick fabric slowly. It took a good minute or so before the fabric tore. Emma quickly pressed the release, and flipped the blade closed. She shoved it back into her sheath, and reached up to push him gently backwards as Lucas began falling forward.

"Easy," Emma coached him as she pushed him back against the seat. While securing him with one hand, Emma reached into the back of the car with the other, plucking her first aid bag from the back seat. She lifted it over the console and deposited it next to her. She quickly unzipped the bag, and tore open a large gauze roll. She started winding it around the boy's midsection, securing and immobilizing the piece of metal in his side. When she was finished, she leant back to inspect her work. She gave a satisfied nod.

"Alright," Emma said, "Now comes the last order of business. You said that your leg is pinned?"

"Yeah," Lucas said through gritted teeth. "It got wedged between the door and the dash during the crash." Emma swallowed nervously over the sudden lump in her throat.

"Do you have a plan for getting me out of here?" he asked.

"Yeah," Emma nodded, "But you're not going to like it." Emma let out a sigh. "I'm going to have to free your leg, in order to get you out of here. Unfortunately, in order to do that, I'm going to have to pop open this door from the outside," Emma said as she reached over to knock her hand on the window, "And the second I do, a whole lot of water is going to come rushing in."

"Am I going to drown?" Lucas asked with concern, as he closed his eyes tightly shut. "Because I should probably mention that I've always been afraid of drowning."

"I know," Emma, replied softly, "But contrary to popular belief, it's okay to be scared. Because being scared means you still have something to lose. A very wise man once told me that." Emma swallowed hard as she thought of Regina and the feelings that she had for her. "Look… You have my word," Emma promised, "I'm going to pull you out, okay? I'm not going to let you drown. You just have to trust me on this one, kid. Do…Do you think you can do that?"

"Y-Yeah," he said bravely. "Yeah, I can do that."

"All right, then," Emma said with a nod, encouraged by his strength and courage.

"I'm going to have to leave you alone in here for a second," Emma said as she climbed into the back seat, "But I'll be back for you in no time at all. I'm getting you out of here, kid."

Emma clamored out of the back of the car. She picked up the axe as she did so, and fastened a harness around her middle before jumping back into the frigid waters. She struggled through the waist deep water as she worked her way to the driver's side door. With desperate movements, she wedged the axe into the frame of the door and started working it open.

It was nearly impossible work. Her hands were well beyond numb at this point, as was the rest of her body. But slowly, the door was prized open. Emma finally managed to get it open enough the wedge the handle of the axe into. Emma struggled with it for another long moment, the muscles in her arms straining as she struggled against the mangled metal frame. Finally, with a large groan of protest, the metal gave over and the door popped open. Emma launched her whole body at the door, forcing it open wider, and gallons and gallons of water started gushing inside. Lucas was pushed further into the car by the force of the water, but Emma managed to grab him under the arms and tug him back out. Emma let out a grunt as all of his weight was put on her.

Then, he screamed. "My leg! It's still stuck." He breathed sharply as he tried to overcome the pain. Time for Emma froze as she saw the water around them rise dramatically. She knew that she had less than a minute to get the boy from the car.

Emma let him drop back down a few inches.

"Okay," Emma spoke assertively, "I know your leg hurts like hell, and believe me. I don't want to cause you any more pain. But I have to get you out of this car. Will you bear with me for one second?" The boy nodded through his clenched teeth.

"Grab onto the top of the car for me," Emma directed him. He did as he was told.

Emma dunked her head under the water, reaching down. She followed his leg down. Emma started manipulating the boy's limb, twisting it and wriggling it as she tried to get it to slip out of the narrow space. Finally, something gave, and Emma was able to tug his foot out of its narrow confines. He was finally freed.

Emma straightened, wrapping her arms around his middle. Emma began to pull him backwards from the car, and out the driver's side door.

Emma let out a hoarse cry as her side got caught on a protruding piece of metal. The pain was sharp and intense, as the jagged metal slid deep into her right side, and she desperately wanted to scream out in agony…. but she refrained from doing so.

All that mattered to her, in that moment was that she get the boy to safety.

"You okay?" the boy grunted as he realized they had stopped moving.

"Yeah," Emma closed her eyes and tried to focus through the pain, "Just give me a sec…" Emma opened her eyes and pulled back, feeling the metal slide out from her side. She carefully pulled Lucas out the rest of the way. They were free. Carefully, Emma worked them around the side of the car, reaching out for the cable. She clipped herself to it.

"I'm going to get us to shore," Emma said through gritted teeth, as she picked him up in a fireman's carry. "Wrap your arms around me tightly, okay? And no matter what happens, don't let go."

With staggering steps, Emma carried Lucas away from the car, as the water threatened to carry them both downstream. Muscles all over Emma's body strained with the effort as she carried Lucas along in her arms.

Emma let out a harsh breath as her ankle turned on a rock. Lucas tightened his grip around her shoulders, as Emma staggered to a sudden stop. She latched onto the cable as she struggled to get her feet under her once more.

"You good?" Emma said through gritted teeth.

"Yeah," he exhaled.

They were about half of the way back to the embankment, when loud sirens started blaring in the distance. Emma immediately felt panic surge up inside her, because she knew what it meant. The dam upstream had failed, and there were currently thousands of gallons of water charging down the river towards them.

"Emma!" Regina screamed from where she and David waited at the embankment. "Emma, hurry!" Emma rushed forwards as fast as she dare. Every step was a struggle, but failure was not an option. Finally, Emma managed to get within a stone's throw away from the shore.

"Take him!" Emma said as she pried Lucas's hands from her shoulder, and lifted him as high as she could in her father's direction.

"Lucas," Emma shouted over the sound of rushing water, "Grab his hand!"

"Come on!" Emma shouted as she tried to lift him up in the water so he could get a proper hold on Charming. Finally, Lucas managed to get a grip, and with a little help from Leroy he managed to pull him inch by inch from the frigid waters.

"Emma!" Regina's voice was filled with a certain terror, as the brunette saw something that Emma hadn't quite seen yet. Emma followed the brunette's gaze, and her stomach immediately sank to her feet.

"Fuck!" Emma swore.

Emma could feel the metal cable tighten exponentially, as the car played tug of war with it. She looked back at Regina, her expression full of helplessness, just as the cable snapped completely in half. Emma's feet immediately shot out from under her, as she was violently wrenched sideways by the snapping cable. Emma splashed into the water, flailing as she struggled against the sudden weight of the cable.

"Emma!" Regina screamed. Emma's hands groped blindly for the cable, as she thrashed in the churning waters. She had to unclip herself from the tether, or she was going to drown. Emma let out a scream of frustration as she fumbled with the carabineer. Finally, Emma managed to free herself.

Unfortunately, she lost her footing again, and the water nearly swept her away.

At the last moment, Emma managed to latch onto a fallen log. Emma's muscles protested as she wrestled with the fallen log, struggling to pull herself up onto it. She hardly had any strength left after this lengthily endeavor.

"Emma, quickly! Grab my hand!" Regina cried out desperately as she reached out for the blonde. Emma fought for every inch that she could as she reached out for Regina's outstretched hand. Finally, with a surge of triumph, Emma felt her wrist slide into Regina's grasp. Then, just as suddenly, however, she was wrenched back out of it.

"Regina!" Emma let out a hoarse scream, as the log she was on rolled, and she was sent flying backwards into the icy waters, just as the swell of water hit where she'd been standing a moment before.

Regina couldn't believe it. She felt frozen in terror as she watched the woman she loved disappear into the murky, churning waters. "EMMA!" Regina's whole throat opened in an anguished cry. "EMMA!" She made to jump in after the blonde, but felt herself wrenched back at the last moment. She fought hard against the arms pulling her back.

"No!" Regina cried in disbelief as her whole body trembled in shock. "No," Regina gasped, breathlessly. She couldn't bear to lose the blonde. Not like this. "No!" Regina screamed. "No! I need to help her! You have to let me!"

"Regina," David's voice argued with her. "You can't! You can't help her."

"Please," Regina's whole body started to rend itself in gut-wrenching sobs. "Please! I…I love her!"

"I know," he said emotionally, as he wrapped his arms around her from behind. "I know you do, Regina." He took a deep breath. "Believe me, if it were Snow, I would do just about anything to get her back, but jumping in after her is not going to help anyone."

"I…I had her," Regina said as she sank to her knees, "I had her, and then I lost her. She slipped right through my fingers!" David knelt down beside her, drawing her shaking body into his arms.

"Shh…" he soothed her. "Shh… It's okay. It's okay, Regina."

"No," Regina breathed. "No. It's not! I should've done more, I could have…"

"Despite what you think, it was not your fault," David told her, "Emma knew the risks, and despite all of that, she was still willing to do whatever it took to save the boy." Regina squeezed her eyes shut. She felt her heart implode in her chest.

"You saved a boy's life today, Regina," Charming told her gently, "D-Don't…Don't forget that."

"She's your daughter," Regina said brokenly.

"And I'm going to do everything in my power to find her," he told her. "This isn't over, Regina. My daughter is a hell of a fighter. You know that better than anyone. If anyone can pull themselves out of a situation like this, it's her."

 _Like ships in the night_  
 _You keep passing me by_  
 _We're just wasting time_  
 _Trying to prove who's right_  
 _And if it all goes crashing into the sea_  
 _If it's just you and me_  
 _Trying to find the light_

* * *

 _ **A/N: Please hit the review button on your way out! Reviews make me write faster!**_


	21. After the Storm

Title: Make it Without You  
Category: TV Shows » Once Upon A Time  
Author: Alwaysbringback-up  
Language: English, Rating: Rated: M (for language and sexual themes)  
Genre: Angst/General

Make it Without You

 **Pairing:** SwanQueen

 _ **Disclaimer: I don't own any part of the OUAT universe. All characters belong to Adam and Eddie, the show's creators. I promise that my writing is done purely for recreational purposes only. No ill harm is intended.**_

 _ **A/N: Hey, guys! Here's the next update! I'm sorry it took me a while to get it up, but today is really the first day that I had any time to write. There might be some mistakes, as I hashed this entire chapter out in one sitting and only read it through once when editing. I just thought I would post it sooner rather than later!**_

 _ **As always, thanks for reading!**_

* * *

 _And after the storm,_  
 _I run and run as the rains come_  
 _And I look up, I look up,_  
 _On my knees and out of luck,_  
 _I look up._

"Regina," David breathed, as he watched her frantically wipe away tears, her entire being overwrought with anguish and sorrow. Even in hushed tones, his voice was full of a gentleness and understanding that made Regina's stomach turn unpleasantly. As she met his baby blue eyes, she felt the stirrings of affection in her heart. She realized that she no longer felt the repugnance that she once felt for this man and his wife. But instead, she felt a genuine fondness for him. She supposed that it stemmed from the knowledge that the woman she loved more than anything had come from him. After all, how could she detest the two people who had made the blonde everything that she had become?

Still, Regina shifted uncomfortably in his arms. She wasn't used to anyone looking at her like that. All she had to do is gaze into his eyes, and she knew, he completely understood the depths of her agony.

He knew about her love for Emma, and he was determined to take care of her in the blonde's absence. He and Henry were one of the only ones that about the affair. Suddenly, Regina was undeniably grateful, because she couldn't imagine going through this ruinous grief alone. And for once, she didn't have to. Charming completely understood every emotion she was experiencing.

She'd only felt grief like this once before, when she lost Daniel, and she had hoped and prayed that she would never feel grief like it again.

 _Night has always pushed up day_  
 _You must know life to see decay_  
 _But I won't rot, I won't rot_  
 _Not this mind and not this heart,_  
 _I won't rot._

"I…" Regina's voice cracked inharmoniously, jarring the both of them. Regina swallowed and attempted to speak again. "I- I'm okay," Regina said as she pushed Charming away, rejecting his attempts at comforting her. It was dangerous, allowing herself to be comforted in such a way. She feared that she might become accustomed to the feeling, and she knew how dangerous that could be.

"Regina," Charming sighed, "I hope that you know that don't have to lie to me. It's _okay_ if you're _not_ okay."

Regina perfunctorily forced herself onto her feet, desperately trying to forget the unparalleled suffering she was currently going through. "We just have to find her," Regina told him, her voice dangerously controlled as she expelled all emotion from her heart.

 _And I took you by the hand_  
 _And we stood tall,_  
 _And remembered our own land,_  
 _What we lived for._

Charming nodded, watching wordlessly as she impetuously rushed off towards where the young boy was being loaded into the back of the ambulance.

Regina shouldered her way past several onlookers, and felt her heart slam to a stop in her chest as she truly laid eyes on the boy for the first time. She felt a compulsion to speak with the young man, as if that were the only thing that would make this situation any better. She just needed to understand why the blonde would sacrifice herself for the boy.

Regina opened her mouth to speak, her jaw working furiously as her mind rallied behind it. The brunette was stunned by how difficult it suddenly was to form words.

Lucas seemed to detect her presence, because he struggled to turn his head and look at her. His battle was hopeless, however, because of the C-collar that was fastened in place around his neck, immobilizing it. Still, for a heartrending moment he met her piercing gaze. Regina swallowed hard as she felt him stare back at her, as if he could see every emotion locked inside of her very soul. Regina let out a quavering breath as she squirmed under his studious gaze. She wasn't used to feeling so vulnerable. She was usually the one that made others bend before her, and now…now she couldn't stop herself but shrink under his gaze.

Regina took a daring step forwards, scarcely daring to breathe as she approached him. She shouldn't have considered him an adversary. After all, she knew from talking to him earlier that he was a wonderful young man. But on a certain level she wanted to despise him, because he was the reason that the love of her life was gone.

As she reached the gurney, Regina watched as Lucas lifted the oxygen mask away from his face. A paramedic tried to stop him, but Lucas pushed his hand away, determined to speak with the dark-haired beauty before him.

Regina leant forwards as she struggled to hear him over the sound of the rushing waters. She could tell that he was weak, as his voice was scarcely above a whisper and the boy was clearly exerting himself.

"You're her, aren't you?" he asked with a hint of amazement. "You're the woman I spoke with on the phone."

"Y-Yes," Regina exhaled shakily. Regina jumped in alarm as he feebly reached for her hand, as if desperate for the contact and the comfort that it offered. Regina struggled to find the compassion she once felt for this boy in her heart. The boy was clearly frightened right now, and in need of a friend. She wanted to be the sort of good person that Emma saw in her.

For a fraction of a moment, Regina envisioned the look of admiration that Emma often had in her eyes as the blonde looked at her. It was almost impossible to think she could ever be that kind of woman, in a world without the blonde. But here, now, in a world where she wasn't sure the blonde still existed, she _vowed_ to be that woman. She had to be, if only to honor the blonde's memory. She reached out for his hand, giving it a gentle squeeze. "Hi, I-I'm Regina." Regina felt her throat constrict painfully as she spoke. "I spoke with you about my son, Henry."

"I-I remember," his voice was extremely kind, his eyes meeting hers. It looked as if the boy was suddenly awestruck, "I don't know how I can ever thank you," he said softly. "I was so scared," he admitted. "To be honest, I don't think I've ever been so scared in all of my life. But you made me feel less alone. You made things seem less hopeless somehow. And for that, I don't know how I will ever be able to thank you enough." Regina felt tears spring to her eyes. She let out a hollow and pain-filled laugh.

"I didn't really do anything," Regina said, her voice practically bleeding sorrow. "Emma's the one that..." Regina let her voice trail off. It hurt too much to speak the blonde's name.

"I'm sorry," he said, picking up on her distress. "I can see how much she means to you. You should know that - she was so brave and selfless, and she risked everything to save me knowing full well that she might not make it. She's an angel."

"She is," Regina agreed weakly, her voice breaking as the tears overflowed and streaked down her cheeks.

"Mayor Mills," one of the paramedics interrupted. "I'm sorry, but we really need to get him to the hospital he needs surgery."

"O-Of course," Regina breathed as she met the man's sympathetic gaze. "Be brave, Lucas," Regina implored the boy. "I promise that I'll come see you at the hospital as soon as I can."

Lucas reluctantly let go of the brunette's hand as the paramedics began to lift him into the back of the ambulance. Regina stood, watching numbly as the one of the firemen shut the ambulance doors, banging on it twice in order to tell the ambulance driver that he was good to go. The ambulance sped off without delay; it's sirens roaring it disappeared into the distance.

 _But there will come a time, you'll see, with no more tears._  
 _And love will not break your heart, but dismiss your fears._  
 _Get over your hill and see what you find there,_  
 _With grace in your heart and flowers in your hair._

Regina turned back in order to search for David. She found him standing near his truck bed.

In the few minutes since she had left him, he had already amassed a small crowd of rescue personal. She approached from behind, watching as he unrolled a large map of the area. She felt a trace of amusement as she watched him wrestle with the paper for a few moments, as it sought to return to its dormant and curled up state. After struggling with the fabric for several moments, David finally wised up and set tools down on its corners to keep it in place. Then, the blonde ran his hands gently over its middle, smoothing over the paper. Finally, David let out a satisfied nod, and bent down to examine the map closely.

"Alright, everyone," David shouted loudly, pausing and glancing up as a car sped to a stop on the road.

Regina glanced to her left in order to see Mary Margaret hop out of the vehicle. The pixie-haired brunette rushed over in a panic, with Ruby and Henry hot on her heels.

David met Snow's eyes and spoke calmly. "Gather round," he shouted, and the small crowd pressed closer to the back of David's truck. "We're all here in order to help with a massive rescue operation. As most of you probably know by now, my daughter," Regina flinched as his voice cracked on the last word. She felt his pain as equally as he did. David swallowed thickly and attempted to speak again, "My daughter was swept away by the floodwaters a mere few minutes ago during a rescue operation." Regina watched as David met Snow's misting gaze. "She saved a young boy's life, and now? Emma needs our help." David's met those of those in the crowd. "This… is a volunteer only operation. I want to be perfectly clear when I say that this operation will be difficult and dangerous. The water in the river is still rising, and I don't want any of you participating in it unless you are absolutely _sure_ about it."

"I think you can all agree with me when I say that time is the enemy," David said as he grabbed a sharpie and started dividing the map up into quadrants. "The water in the river is freezing cold, and Emma won't be able to survive exposure to it for long," David paused briefly, in order to look up, "That's why I think the best thing to do, in this case, is utilize a divide and conquer strategy." David was thankfully met with a consensus of nodding heads.

"Unfortunately, we have no way of knowing how far down the river Emma has been swept," David breathed as he resumed breaking the map on either side of the river into quadrants. "The water is moving pretty fast, though, so we need a way of getting farther down the river. What I'm going to do is, break all of you up into groups of four. Each group will take these designated GPS coordinates and begin your search of the area as fast as humanly possible." David started labeling each quadrant of the map, and writing out the necessary coordinates. "I'll give each of the group leaders a walkie-talkie, so that if you do find her, you'll be able to alert me and the paramedics."

"We would like to participate in the search, as well," a team of paramedics spoke up. David nodded his assent.

"I have a hound that can help," a man spoke up from the crowd. Regina turned to find the man holding onto the leash of a tracking hound. "His name is Copper, and he's good at tracking _anything_."

"The water will likely have washed away any trace of her," Ruby spoke up, "But it's worth a shot. I can help track her, too. All I'll need is something that has Emma's scent."

"I can get you something of hers. Just give me a moment," Regina spoke up, before closing her eyes. In a fraction of a heartbeat, Regina had disappeared in a cloud of smoke, and reappeared in her bedroom.

With her breath coming fast in her lungs, Regina rushed over to her bureau, and started rooting frantically through its drawers. She knew that she had something of Emma's somewhere in its confines. The truth is, she'd kept it on purpose, for the nights in which things got particularly hard, and she needed Emma's comforting scent. Regina's hands shook as she tossed aside other items of clothing carelessly. Finally, near the bottom of the drawer she found it. Regina snatched it up in her hand, and stared at it.

It was going to be nearly impossible for her to give it away, but she would if she must. And if it wound up saving Emma's life, she could think of no better reason to give up something so precious..

Regina vanished in a cloud of smoke and reappeared at the front of the crowd. She held out the article of clothing for Charming.

"Here," Regina said with a croak, "It should still smell like her."

"Where- Where did you get that?" Snow asked curiously, as she met Regina's eyes. She sensed that there was something not quite right about the look in Regina's eyes, as she handed over the sweatshirt to Charming. Regina's eyes held far too much emotion, for the brunette's typically reserved browns. Snow didn't want to admit what she saw. After all, there was no possible that Regina was in love with her daughter, was there?

"I…" Regina knew that she couldn't exactly tell the truth, and so she silently decided it would be okay to lie. Just this once. "I let myself into her room. I figured that if anything constituted an emergency that it was this. If she wants to yell at me later for raiding her home, she can. I just - wanted to help."

"Thank you," Snow said as she hugged Regina, wanting to comfort the woman who was currently in so much pain.

 _And now I cling to what I knew_  
 _I saw exactly what was true_  
 _But oh no more._  
 _That's why I hold,_  
 _That's why I hold with all I have._  
 _That's why I hold._

Regina pulled away as quickly as she could manage, but not soon enough. Regina felt a pang of affliction for the woman, as she watched David hand over Emma's shirt to the dog's owner. It was unbearable, having to give away something so precious to her. The man seemed completely unaware of the item's value as he placed it in front of his hound's noise and issued the dog a command. The man handed it off to Archie, who let Pongo sniff it, before it was finally handed to Ruby. The red-head took a sniff of the item, and closed her eyes as she focused all of her attention on the blonde's scent. As she opened her eyes once more, it was to meet Regina's studious gaze.

Regina swallowed hard over the lump in her throat as she recognized the look in the woman's gaze. Regina had no idea how, but the redhead _knew_. Ruby knew about her and Emma.

Ruby seemed to read the look of excruciating distress on Regina's face, because the woman's gaze seemed to soften. The redhead slowly walked over to Regina and carefully handed over Emma's sweatshirt, returning it to its owner.

"Th-Thank you," Regina whispered. Despite her best efforts to cover it up, she couldn't keep the redhead from hearing the way her voice cracked under her words. The item vanished from her hand as she sent it back to where she had gotten it from.

"I wouldn't want you to lose something so important," Ruby spoke earnestly.

"It's not really mine," Regina attempted to discount the red-head's words, but she knew it was in vein.

"I- I can see how much you care about her," Ruby said so quietly that Regina almost couldn't hear her. Regina felt her head bob rigidly, almost as if it could not be denied no matter how much she tried to fight it.

"Mary Margaret, Regina, Henry, Ruby," David's voice seemed to jar Regina out of the moment. "Do you all wish to volunteer?"

"Do you really have to ask?" Ruby asked smartly as she placed her hands on her hips and gave David and impetuous look. David laughed at this.

"I guess not," David returned, as he held out a wireless walkie for his wife. "You guys will take this quadrant two miles downstream," David told them as he pointed out the appropriate area on the map. "You should be able to take the cruiser to M-20 East, and go from there. Be careful, though. Other roads might be washed out because of all of this rain."

"What about you?" Snow asked.

"I'm going to go with Archie, Grumpy, and Will," David replied. "I trust you guys to take care of eachother."

* * *

A half an hour later, Regina, Snow, Ruby, and Henry were in place along the river, making their way South. Regina had pulled on a pair of waders and boots, so that she could trudge through the deep mud on the river's west bank without ruining her clothes. She was barely aware of her surroundings as she continued to stumble her way through the edge of the woods. Her arms and legs were unbearably stiff with the cold, and it took everything in her to ignore the icy and wet breeze that cut her with each gust.

Her thoughts seemed to come too quickly to make sense of them, and Regina pleaded for a respite. It felt like every detail was being engrained into her mind, overloading her with sensation. The sights and sounds, the emotions she was experiencing, it was all too much. She tried to shut it out, in favor of retaining her ability to reason or think critically, but it was a constant battle.

She was just desperate to avoid thinking about what would happen if they couldn't find Emma.

Regina let out a cry as she suddenly felt her magic ripped away from her. Instantaneously, the brunette tumbled forwards, dropping to her knees as she felt an unexpected pain lance through her entire being. Regina reached up to her chest, squeezing her eyes shut, as she let out another hoarse cry. This time the sound was loud enough to reach Snow's ears.

 _I won't die alone and be left there._  
 _Well I guess I'll just go home,_  
 _Oh God knows where._  
 _Because death is just so full and man so small._  
 _Well I'm scared of what's behind and what's before._

"Regina?" Snow shouted in concern, as she rushed towards Regina's fallen form. Regina could faintly hear the snapping of branches as Snow carelessly stepped on them in her hurry to get to the brunette.

"Mom?" Henry's worried voice seemed to break through Regina's panic. Regina frantically searched for her magic, desperate to prove to herself that it was still there. Then, finally with a breath of relief Regina felt it spark to life inside of her.

"Mom, what's wrong?" Regina's eyes snapped open to meet Snow's and Henry's concerned gaze.

"I…" Regina whispered as she struggled for breath, a harsh discordant sob escaped as she let fear seize control of her heart, "I can't feel her magic." Regina thrashed on the ground as Snow tried to help her to her feet.

"Whose?" Ruby asked.

"Emma's," Regina said as she met the redhead's gaze. "At first I thought that I had lost my magic, but now I think I merely detected the loss of hers."

"Regina," Snow said softly as she reached out for the brunette once more. "It's going to be okay. I'm sure Emma is…"

"No!" Regina screamed, her pain and temper flaring almost violently, "Don't tell me that it's okay, because it's not! I have _always_ been able to feel her magic, from the very first moment we touched. _Always_!" Regina hated herself for crying like this. She felt so weak, crying over Emma like this, but she couldn't help it. She was so afraid of what it meant. The fact that she couldn't feel the blonde's magic anymore, lead her to believe that the blonde was no longer alive.

"Regina," Snow would not let herself be deterred by the brunette's coldness, "My daughter is strong. She's a fighter. So whatever you think has happened, I'm here to tell you that it's going to be all right."

"Damn it, Snow," Regina hissed, rebuking the woman who only wanted to help her, "How can you possibly be optimistic at a time like this?"

"Because… someone has to," Snow said as if it were the most obvious answer in the whole wide world.

"Mom," Henry said as he knelt down in front of her, taking Regina's hands in his own as he tried to comfort her. He knew how scared she was, because he was too. "Grandma is right. I know it's hard, but you have to believe. You just have to _believe_ that she's going to be okay."

"But…I'm so scared," Regina finally allowed herself to confess for the first time. She could barely make out the sight of him, through her tears. And yet, she could see him with undeniable clarity. His bright green eyes reminded her so much of Emma, and it was like she can see the blonde staring back at her through Henry's eyes. "I told her I hated her," Regina told him. "And I just…what if it's one of the last things I ever said to her. What if she's gone forever and I don't get to tell her how much I love her? What if - she never knows any differently?"

"She knows. I'm sure Mom knows how much you love her, but I understand exactly how you're feeling right now," Henry said softly, his gaze suddenly full of pain and sadness. "The last time I saw Mom, I said a lot of things I didn't really mean. I- I said them because I was hurt, and because I wanted her to hurt too, but they couldn't have been further from the truth."

"If that's true, then how are _you_ okay right now?" Regina asked.

"Because I have to believe that I'm going to get a chance to tell Mom how much I love her," Henry slowly reached out to wrap his arms around her in a fierce embrace. Regina returned the sentiment wholeheartedly, before she felt him draw back. "Now come on," he implored her, as he offered her a hand, "Mom needs us."

The timing couldn't have been any better, for it was then that their walkie-talkie crackled to life with interference. Regina nearly jumped out of her own skin, as her heart pounded uncomfortably in her own chest. This seemed to enliven and embolden her. She quickly pushed herself to her feet, before assailing the blonde's mother and snatching the walkie-talkie out of Snow's hand. She struggled to make out anything through the sudden static, but she could not. Still, she had a feeling that something important was happening. With deft fingers, Regina started fidgeting with the dial, rapidly scanning the frequencies for any trace of news.

"I've…." Regina's heard Charming's voice cut through the waves of static.

* * *

It was nearing dark outside when Pongo pulled himself out of Archie's grasp and started streaking away from them. Charming let out a sharp breath and took off after the black and white Dalmatian, jumping and weaving around logs. His breath came ragged in his lungs as he refused to slow down, struggling to keep the dog in his sights. He continued on like this for a hundred or so yards, before he came to a bend in the river. And there in the shallows, facedown in the water, was his little girl. David skidded to a sudden stop. His breaths seemingly wouldn't come any longer. No words could describe the amount of pain he felt as his eyes took in the scene. He didn't know what he'd expected to find, but this certainly was not it. With a feeble puff of air, Charming forced himself into motion once more, snatching the walkie from his hip as he rushed towards the waters edge. Without care, he stumbled over countless fallen limbs and turned his ankles in shallow depressions in the mud.

"I've got her," David spoke into the walkie as he pressed down the button at his side. By the time he reached the water's edge, he'd found his stride once more. He tore into the shallows, his feet kicking up water as he rushed towards his little girl. By the time he reached her, his entire body was wracking with tremors, as if he couldn't bear the fear any longer and it was boiling over.

With certain gentleness, Charming grabbed Emma under the arms and turned her over. The blonde's lips were tinted blue from the frigid waters. Then, as gently as he dared, Charming started pulling her backwards to the edge of the water.

"I need the paramedics!" Charming shouted into the walkie, just praying that someone was near enough to help him.

"Emma," he almost whimpered the blonde's name as he lovingly stroked the side of her face.

He gently pulled her up onto the shoreline, so that her upper body was out of the water, and leant down low over her chest, pressing a hand to her breastbone. He silently hoped that it would lift in breath, but it did not. Then, Charming leant down over Emma's nose and mouth, praying to feel the wisp of a warm breath on his face, but again he felt nothing. With a sense of dread building, Charming's finger pressed against Emma's pulse point. Emma's heart was not beating.

"No," Charming couldn't keep the sob from escaping. "No, Emma," he begged his daughter, "Please." But he knew that she could not hear him.

 _And there will come a time, you'll see, with no more tears._  
 _And love will not break your heart, but dismiss your fears._  
 _Get over your hill and see what you find there,_  
 _With grace in your heart and flowers in your hair._

"She's not breathing," Charming spoke into his walkie, his voice broken, "I'm starting CPR now."

Charming reached down to his ankle, pulling the flare gun from his holster. He placed a flare into it, lifted the gun, and pulled the trigger. The flare soared into the air and exploded, streaking the sky with red. This was a signal to anyone else nearby that Emma had been found. He only hoped that the paramedics would find him.

Charming discarded the flare gun and reached for Emma, tilting her head back. Gently he prized open her mouth and dug into it with his fingers. He scooped the mud and silt from her mouth, attempting to clear her airway. It took several tries to get all of the debris out, but eventually he could see the back of her throat. Finally, when he was satisfied that he'd gotten it all, he began his rescue breaths. He breathed into her mouth, pinching her nose with his fingers, as he attempted to breath life back into her.

As soon as he expelled all of the air from his own lungs into hers, he started compressions.

"Come on," David urged breathlessly, "Come on, Emma." He started counting as he brought all of the weight down on his hands. "One, two, three, four, five," David breathed in spurts. He couldn't help but flinch as he felt the cartilage crack under his hands. It hurt him to know that he was likely hurting her, but he also knew that he had to do it. He had to try, even only if for the sake of trying. He had no idea how long she'd been without oxygen, without life, but he had to try to save her. He knew that he would never be able to look Snow or Regina in the eyes again, if he couldn't save her.

He was well into the third round of compressions, when he heard a sound from off to his left. Charming's head turned to the North as he saw paramedics rushing towards him. When they reached him, he forced himself to relinquish his hold on his daughter. It was harder to do than he ever thought it would be. Still, he knew it was for the best.

"Her heart is not beating, I started CPR, but she hasn't responded so far," David told them.

"That's probably a result of Respiratory failure," the paramedic told him. "Given the circumstances, that's not abnormal. We might still be able to get her back," he explained as he started the compressions, once more, while his partner opened the AED.

"We've got to move her completely out of the water," he told his partner, as his eyes found Emma's legs. "We can't shock her like this."

"Alright," we'll move her at the next break. The paramedic continued to count aloud, the number encroaching quickly on thirty. When he finally hit the number, he gave his partner a nod. His partner grabbed a hold of Emma under the arms and pulled her completely onto the river's banks. He dropped her onto the mud, so that his partner could continue compressions while he readied the AED.

After the next round of compressions, the first paramedic placed his fingers on Emma's neck, repeating the gesture David had done earlier. He gave a shake of his head, alerting his partner that there was no change. Emma's heart still wasn't beating. His partner quickly cut open Emma's shirt, and Charming gasped as he saw Emma's bare torso for the first time. He let out an involuntary sound, as his eyes took in the ribs that were seemingly threatening to poke through Emma's skin.

The paramedic grabbed a towel, and with sure movements, dried Emma's chest so that the pads would adhere to her skin. Without delay, he pressed the oval pads onto Emma's chest; one over her breast on the right side, and another on her left, below her arm. Charming flinched as he heard a voice come from the small machine. It said something about analyzing heart rhythms.

"Clear the patient," the first paramedic called out, as he suddenly stopped compressions.

"It'll tell us if there are any shockable heart rhythms," he explained to Charming. "If it wants us to deliver a shock, that's actually good. Because tt means that there's still electrical activity in her heart."

"And if it doesn't?" Charming couldn't help but ask.

"Then we keep doing compressions, and hope that changes," the other paramedic answered as he met Charming's gaze. He waited with baited breath, as they waited for the AED to finish its analysis.

"Why aren't you doing compressions?" he asked finally.

"Because that interferes with the AED's analysis," he told him. "It sort of fools the machine into thinking that her heart is beating, even when it isn't." Charming nodded. He thought that he finally understood.

Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, he heard the AED speak again. It was good news.

"Shock is advised," the machine spoke in a monotone voice, "Charging..." The paramedic resumed compressions as he waited for the machine to charge. He was only to about 16, when an alarm started going off on the devise. It said something about being ready to deliver a shock.

"Clear!" the paramedic called out, as he wrenched his hands from Emma's body, and held them straight up. The other paramedic repeated the command, signifying that he was also clear. He pressed his finger over a flashing button on the device, and Emma's chest shot off the ground as the shock was delivered. The other man didn't miss a beat, as he resumed compressions, delivering two rescue breaths when he got to thirty.

This time, when he went back to compressions something changed. Emma's chest shot off of the ground. Water sprayed from Emma's nose and mouth without warning, as the blonde coughed violently. The blonde's chest heaved up and down, as it raked for much needed oxygen after the blonde's lengthy deprivation. Almost reflexively, one of the paramedics helped Emma sit up so that the blonde could spit up the rest of the water. Seemingly, for the first time in minutes, Charming relaxed. He couldn't help himself as he rushed forwards, pulling the blonde into his arms. He closed his eyes and kissed the top of the blonde's damp head.

"It's okay," he told her as she continued to rake in avaricious breaths. She continued to spit up frothy, almost brown liquid that made Charming's stomach turn unpleasantly. But he tried to tell himself that it was good she was getting it all out. "You're okay," he soothed her as she finally collapsed into him with an exhausted moan. Emma closed her eyes again, too weak to keep them open.

"Thank you," Charming's voice cracked, as he let himself get emotional. Tears escaped from his eyes as he held her tightly in his arms. "Both of you! Thank you so much!"

"Sir," one of the paramedics spoke up. "Look, I know that you don't want to let go of her, but she's still in need of our help." He nodded, and let go of his little girl.

"David?" David's head jerked towards the sound of Snow's voice. His jaw fell open in surprise as he found the brunette. She let out an involuntary wail as her eyes took in the sight of it all.

Snow tried to push forwards, to take Emma's hand, but David rushed to intercept her and pulled her back at the last moment. The paramedics were right. Emma was still in need of their help, and he couldn't let his wife interfere.

They both watched as one of the paramedics unzipped his bag, and started placing leads all over Emma's chest, trying to get a read on just how badly off Emma really was. One thing was clear now, as the first sounds of Emma's heartbeat filled their surrounding. Emma's heart was beating erratically, almost faltering as it tried to beat.

"No," Snow said as she struggled against him. "Please! I have to- I can't just watch. Please, you have to let me hold her hand."

"Shh," Charming started to croon in her ear as Snow fell apart, her heart shattering into thousands of pieces on the ground as she watched. "You have let them work. I know how hard this is. Believe me, I _know_. But you have to trust them to help her."

Snow continued to let the tears fall as a paramedic started an I.V. line and started running fluids into the blonde at full speed.

"Come on," Snow heard one of the paramedics mutter as he felt at Emma's pulse point again. "Come on." Emma didn't stir.

"Her oxygen stats are dropping," the other paramedic called out, "We've got to get her on oxygen. Now!"

In another few seconds they had a BVM on her, and started delivering a breath every six seconds, helping Emma to breathe.

"Alright, let's get her onto the backboard in - one, two, three," they lifted in complete sync and strapped Emma's lifeless body onto the narrow board so that they could carry her. Snow rushed forwards, straining to grasp Emma's hand. Tears fell from her eyes in a steady stream as she ran alongside the two paramedics.

As they arrived at the ambulance, Charming looked up and his gaze unexpectedly slammed into Regina's dark brown eyes. He stopped breathing as he saw her facade crumble before him. The mayor looked on from where she'd parked the car, and felt her entire world lurch to a sudden stop as she took in the whole scene, with a look of complete helplessness on her features. She could see one of the paramedics breathing for Emma, as he squeezed some sort of bag. She couldn't bring herself to breathe, or to move, as she took in Emma's lifeless body, watching dazedly as the blonde was lifted onto a gurney at the back of the ambulance.

Regina's worst fears took a hold of her. What did all of this mean? Was the blonde even alive?

No, it couldn't be happening. Emma was supposed to be stronger than this.

"Wait," Regina gasped as she rushed forwards, sprinting towards them. She took in Snow's bereavement and feared the worst. "Is… Is she…?"

Snow remained hopelessly mute, her cries coming much to hard and fast to even manage a single word.

"Damn it," Regina cried out in agony. "Would someone please just tell me?!"

"She's alive," Charming told her. "She heart wasn't beating when I found her, but it- it is now…"

"Is she going to be okay?" Regina questioned him, her tone desperate and fearful. "Please, I…I need to know."

"I…I don't know…," Charming whispered with a haunted look in his eyes, "She's still having a problem breathing on her own… That's why they're using the BVM."

 _And there will come a time, you'll see, with no more tears._  
 _And love will not break your heart, but dismiss your fears._  
 _Get over your hill and see what you find there,_  
 _With grace in your heart and flowers in your hair._

At hearing him say this, another sob tore it's way past Snow's lips. This cry increased in volume, as Emma's grip was torn from her own and Emma was quickly lifted the rest of the way into the back of the ambulance. Before any one of them could even react, the doors were quickly slammed shut, sealing Emma away inside. Regina felt herself held back, as the ambulance suddenly jolted to life, lurching away from them with its sirens blaring at full blast.

"Come on," Charming spoke calmly as he reached out for their hands. "We should get to the hospital, so that we're there if they need us. Just in case."

* * *

 _Thursday, November 5th, 2:27 p.m._

 _Storybrooke Hospital_

Two hours later, Regina stood immobile outside of Emma's room, her gaze on the glass door unwavering. Henry tugged at her hand, attempting to set her into motion, but her feet seemed to be affixed to the floor. After feeling his persistent tugs, Regina tore her eyes away from the glass, glancing in his direction. Henry looked back at her, searching her eyes for a trace of courage.

"Aren't you going to come in?" he asked hopefully. "Come on, Mom. You know she'll want to see you."

"I- I can't," Regina shook her head, hesitating for the briefest moment.

She couldn't help but feel saddened as Henry's hopeful gaze faltered, and was instead replaced with disappointment.

"Why not?" Henry asked her.

"You know why," She told him. "Look, I…I think that it'll be easier for everybody involved, if I just stay out here," Regina told him. "But you should go ahead. I'm sure she'll want to see you." Henry nodded, placed a gentle kiss to her cheek, and then disappeared inside. Regina stared after him longingly, covetously. Oh how she wished she were brave enough to go inside.

Emma looked up from where she was perched on the edge of the bed as the door opened, and Henry came bursting inside. Emma let out a small breath, the moisture from her mouth fogging the mask still secured over her airways. Emma's eyes were still heavy, and she observed the world around her through an almost hooded gaze. Still, Emma's heart leapt as the tall, sinewy, boy ran to her like he hadn't seen her in years. And Emma supposed that maybe it felt like years since the last time they'd seen eachother. After all, their last conversation hadn't gone well.

"Henry," Emma rasped, as he slammed into her with the force of a bulldozer. Emma shut her eyes and wrapped her arms around the boy, holding him as close as she possibly dared. And for a fraction of a moment, Henry rapturously hugged her back.

"Ma," Henry whispered as he held her just as tightly. "I'm so glad you're okay. I was so worried."

"I know," Emma wheezed. "I was, too, kiddo."

"I- I'm so sorry," Henry said tearfully, as he pulled away to meet her eyes. Emma felt his hands on her cheeks, and she smiled back at him, her eyes filling with tears as she saw just how heartbroken the boy truly was. "About what I said to you, Ma, I-I want you to know that I didn't mean it. I was just _so_ hurt and I let my feelings get the best of me."

"It's okay, Hen," Emma said as she lifted a hand to the boy's face affectionately, "I know. I know you didn't mean it." Emma felt the crushing weight in her chest lessen. "And hey- I want you to know that I'm okay. We're okay."

"She is. She's going to be fine," Whale injected himself into the conversation, as he stood up from his doctor's stool. "We've got her on oxygen and fluids. We're going to give her lots of Intravenous antibiotics in order to prevent any infection from developing." He looked between two sets of bright green eyes, "I'm just going to get the suturing supplies. I'll give you two a minute."

"I love you," Henry said tearfully.

"I love you, too," Emma told him. "Henry, listen, I want you to know that you _always_ come first." Emma hesitated briefly. She was apprehensive about what she had to say. "And so, if- if you don't want me to take the job, I won't."

"That's just it," Henry told her, his eyes holding a wisdom that was beyond his years, "I've been doing a lot of thinking, too, and I think you _should_ take the job, Ma. I was just afraid, because I thought that if you took the job, that it somehow meant that I would never see you. But I _know_ that you would never let that happen."

"I wouldn't," Emma confirmed, "I would _never_ let that happen. Nothing in this earth could possibly keep from you. I love you Henry."

Emma glanced up and over Henry's towering shoulders as she heard the door open once more.

She was surprised when Whale stepped into the room, followed by Charming, and lastly Regina. Emma suddenly felt the air robbed from her lungs, as two chocolate brown pools met her own. Emma suddenly choked over her own saliva as she swallowed, her whole body wracking with coughs, as she struggled to take in oxygen. Emma finally seemed to catch her breath, and with trembling hands pulled the oxygen mask away from her face. Sweat pooled on her forehead in the humid hospital room, as she watched the brunette's uncertain approach.

"Regina," Emma breathed, her voice rough and gritty, "I'm so sorry. I never should have put you in that position. I..." What happened next occurred so fast that Emma's mind couldn't even keep up with it. In fact, it took a moment for the sensation of Regina's assertive lips on hers to really sink in. Emma's eyes fluttered closed out of something close to ecstasy, as Regina's lips crashed against her own. Regina's warm hands, elicited a shiver from her body, as the woman coaxed every bit of feeling out of Emma that she could manage.

Finally, Regina's lips left her own, wanting...needing more. Emma's eyes widened in surprise, as she slowly reached up with the pads of her fingertips to investigate her kiss swollen lips. There, Emma's skin tingled furiously.

"Regina," Emma breathed, as she reached out towards the woman, gently taking her by the hand.

"You scared me," Regina said as tears built steadily in her eyes. Emma watched as emotions rapidly played across the brunette's face. For a fraction of a second, Emma saw something akin to affection in the brunette's eyes, but then, those emotions gave way to something darker...something that scared Emma just a little bit.

"Don't you ever do that to me again," Regina said with a trembling voice. "I swear to God, Emma..."

"I know," Emma interrupted. "I know! I'm so sorry."

"You have no idea, the sort of thing that you just put me through," Regina repeated, unable to hold back the torrent of emotions that was traitorously bringing tears to the brunette's eyes. Emma's features softened as the blonde finally felt like she understood where a lot of the brunette's feelings had come from.

"Regina," Emma said with a softness that she hadn't used towards the brunette in a long time, "I can only imagine what it must have been like for you. And I really am sorry. I swear that I never meant for it to happen this way. _Please_..." Emma tugged on the brunette's hand, gently trying to get the brunette to come back to her. "Come here," Emma pleaded with the brunette.

"No," Regina said stubbornly as she wrenched her hand from Emma's grasp, much like the way the blonde's had been wrenched from hers only hours before. "I'm sorry. I never should have come in here. This was a mistake. That kiss was a mistake."

"Regina," Emma tried to stand, but her legs failed her and she sank back onto the mattress.

"Don't!" Regina snapped, "Please don't say what I think that you're about to say. I don't want your fucking pity." With that Regina turned away from Emma and stormed towards the door. "It's clear that whatever we used to have is over," Regina told Emma, just before she threw open the door, "I'm done prolonging the inevitable." Regina barreled through the doorway like an unstoppable force and Emma felt all of the air in the room instantly get sucked out after her. Emma took in the whole scene with a look of bewilderment on her features. She had no idea what had just happened, or how the brunette could have gone from kissing her senseless, to cold and detached in less than a few moments.

There could never be a sound quite so loud as when the door slammed shut behind her.

Emma instantly felt Charming's sympathetic gaze directed towards her. Emma met his eyes. "Dad, do you think you could..."

"I'm on it," David promised her before rushing for the door.

Charming practically raced down the hallway after Regina. She just barely managed to avoid flattening a nurse that had unwittingly gotten in her way.

"Regina!" Charming called out after her, as he tried grabbing her from behind. She would have nothing of it. Still, Charming was persistent to say the least. He tried wrapping his arms around her in an attempt slow her down and offer some measure of comfort. However, Regina fought. And she continued to fight against Charming until they were halfway down the hall. Regina couldn't stop the sob from escaping.

"Easy," he said calmly, "Easy, Regina." But the brunette would not stop struggling against him. "I think it would be a good idea for us to get a little air, don't you?"

"Let me go," Regina hissed as she tried to shake off Charming's hands.

"Regina," Charming groaned in her ear as she elbowed him sharply in the ribs, attempting to get him to just let go. "Easy, Regina! Calm down… You really need to calm down."

Regina felt tears fill her eyes and spill over. Regina stopped fighting him, as her body suddenly wracked itself with violent sobs. Regina felt helpless, as all of her emotions suddenly spilled over. Everything that she'd tried to internalize since Emma had slipped from her grasp, suddenly hit her full force. And it was devastating.

"I- I love her," Regina sobbed, as she nearly sank to her knees, "I thought that I lost her… I honestly thought that she was dead. I couldn't feel her magic, and it- it scared the hell out of me Charming. I can't even put into words how scared and devastated I was."

"I know," Charming, said, his voice incredibly soft, as he held her up.

"And she's completely fine," Regina said as she reached up to wipe away her tears, "When I walked into that room, I was so relieved that she was okay that I...I couldn't stop myself!" Regina reached up to press her thumbs to her eyes, in an effort to somehow hold back the tears. But it wasn't working. "God, David. That kiss... was everything that we used to be - before it all imploded. It felt so damned good that I never wanted to stop."

"What's the problem with that?" Charming asked.

"I don't get to feel that anymore," Regina said. "I ruined it. I ruined us." Charming did the only thing that he could and hugged Regina from behind.

"I have a feeling that Emma feels much the same way as you do. Maybe if you tried talking to her about it, she would tell you as much," David suggested.

"No."

"No?"

"I- I'm so angry!" Regina burst out. "God...what is...what is wrong with me?"

"Nothing," David told her. "Regina, absolutely nothing is wrong with you. It's a normal reaction to an extremely stressful situation."

"But it's wrong!" Regina argued. "I...I don't get to feel like this. She's the one who nearly died. I don't get to be mad at her for that!"

"Regina, look at me!" David told her gently. "No...I mean it. Really, _look_ at me."

"No one should ever try to tell you how you should feel," David told her. "If you feel angry, then that's okay. But - maybe taking that anger out on Emma right now would be a little unfair. I understand that you're hurt. You were scared that you'd lost her, and I was too. But, you also need to understand that Emma - she's sorry, Regina. And a lot of this was just as out of her control, as it was yours. She was just doing her job. She saved that boy."

"I know!" Regina cried out in exasperation, "I- I'm sorry," Regina squeezed her eyes shut.

"It's okay, Regina," Charming said as she slackened in his hold. "Well, it's _not_ okay, but it's okay," Charming let out his own huff of exasperation. "Ugh, I think you know what I mean. Look, I'm sure she knows that you didn't mean to hurt her."

"What am I going to do?" Regina asked him.

"Just be yourself, Regina," Charming told her. "Go in there and talk to her. There's no reason to hide anymore. She already _knows_ the real you. I'm sure she'll understand where you were coming from. She can't blame you for being hurt. You nearly lost her."

"I don't think I can face her," Regina said as she shook her head.

"Yes, you can," Charming argued. "You love her, Regina. And, I think you need to be with her right now. You need to see that she's okay with your own eyes."

* * *

 ** _A/N: So this was a bit dark in places, and a bit lighter in others. Hopefully, it moved back and forth between them in a realistic way. I do like Regina and Charming's interactions, and hope that you did too._**

 ** _Please let me know what your thoughts are. Reviews always help me determine areas where I need more clarity and concision in my writing!_**


	22. Knocking On Heaven's Door

Title: Make it Without You  
Category: TV Shows » Once Upon A Time  
Author: Alwaysbringback-up  
Language: English, Rating: Rated: M (for language and sexual themes)  
Genre: Angst/General

Make it Without You

 **Pairing:** SwanQueen

 _ **Disclaimer: I don't own any part of the OUAT universe. All characters belong to Adam and Eddie, the show's creators. I promise that my writing is done purely for recreational purposes only. No ill harm is intended.**_

 _ **A/N: Here's one more chapter for you guys!  
**_

* * *

 _Thursday, November 5th, 2:29 p.m._

 _Room 18, Storybrooke Hospital_

The sound of the slamming door reverberated off of the walls of Emma's hospital room. The sound was loud enough that it sounded like a boom of thunder. It rattled some of the medical equipment that was mounted on the walls. Emma reflexively flinched away from the sound, her muscles tightening almost involuntarily.

"Wow," Henry whispered uncomfortably, attempting to laugh off the impactful tension left behind in Regina's wake. "I don't think I've ever seen Mom that mad," Henry said after the door slammed shut behind her, leaving an almost deafening silence in its place. "And that's _really_ saying something."

"You're telling me," Emma groused, "Kid, remind me not to piss off your mom anytime in the near future. She put a hell of a lot of bite into those words." Emma groaned audibly, as she lifted two fingers to press against her eyelids. She felt a hell of a headache coming on.

"Hey," Henry asked uneasily, as he seemingly noticed the almost unusual pallor of Emma's skin. "Ma, are you okay?"

"Y-Yeah," Emma responded, in an almost weak attempt at reassurance. Despite her best efforts, her voice leaked of sheer disheartenment and fatigue. "I'm just really tired, kiddo. I don't think I even have to tell you that it's…been a long day."

"I can only imagine," Henry said as he sat down, his eyes anxiously following Dr. Whale as the man moved about the room, preparing the suturing supplies.

"Were you scared?" Henry asked her, "You know…when you were in the churning waters like that…all by yourself."

"I was petrified," Emma countered, honestly. "That's what bravery is though. It's about acting even though it might easier or safer not to do _anything_." Emma swallowed thickly.

"Did I even cross your mind at all?" Henry asked her. Emma's eyes suddenly met his. She couldn't help but appear surprised. She'd never expected a question like the one he was asking. But at the same time, she knew that it was a completely fair question for him to ask. After all, she'd nearly left him without another parent today. Emma opened her mouth to reply, but found herself unable to do so. She had to work moisture furiously throughout her mouth.

"Of course you did," Emma exhaled, her voice holding an edge to it. She was surprised at how vulnerable it sounded. "But in the moment, it wasn't about you, or your mom…or even myself. All I knew was that that kid was going to die if I didn't do anything, and I couldn't just stand by and let it happen." Emma's hand fell weakly to her side, playing with the fabric of the blanket she was sitting on. "I know you probably think me selfish, or thoughtless, but I assure you…what I did today was for _you_. I did what I did, because I wanted to be the hero you saw in me… I wanted to be someone worthy of your _love_."

Henry nodded, wordlessly accepting her explanation. She knew that he understood.

Emma let out a deep sigh, as a long-awaited and welcome silence built in the room.

Emma abandoned her effort to memorize the feel of the blanket she was currently sitting on, and reached up. Sluggishly, the blonde pulled the mask away from her face and let it drop so that the ties hung loosely about her neck. Almost gingerly, Emma reached up and pinched the bridge of her nose between her thumb and forefinger in an attempt to ease the tension that was building behind her eyes. She knew she'd probably get a migraine later. She could already feel the beginnings of it in her neck and shoulders.

For some reason, Emma always felt headaches there first. Gradually, her posture began to wilt, until it finally reflected just how exhausted she felt. Emma leant forwards, her shoulders bowing inwards, as she struggled to ease the soreness in her body. A couple of minutes later, and her elbows had come to rest on the fleshy and muscular part of her thighs just above her knee. She became detached from her surroundings, nigh despondent, as she started down into the bleached white surface of the floor between her feet.

Emma closed her eyes, relishing the welcome and almost comfortable silence that fell between them. Henry seemed to sense her need for some much needed peace.

Emma slowly glanced up as the door opened with a soft creak.

Regina stepped slowly, almost hesitantly, into the room. Emma felt her heart rate instantly quicken. She heard it, too, as her loud heartbeats echoed loudly around the room. Emma swallowed roughly as her eyes hungrily took in Regina. The brunette was just so beautiful, that even after all of this time, the woman could still take her breath away from her.

 _I loved you dangerously_  
 _More than the air that I breathe_  
 _Knew we would crash at the speed that we were going_  
 _Didn't care if the explosion ruined me_  
 _Baby I loved you dangerously_  
 _I loved you dangerously_

The soft and almost forgiving expression on the brunette's face contrasted dramatically with the one that she'd been wearing only a couple of minutes ago, when she had stormed from the room in such a vexed state. Emma imagined that her father probably had a lot to do with that. The man had a very diplomatic approach when it came to settling arguments. He was very good at making people see reason. Still, it was almost hard for Emma to believe. The Regina that was standing before her now, and the one that had lashed out at her only minutes ago, hardly seemed like the same person. Emma observed the brunette's calm and remorseful disposition with a hint of skepticism.

"Hey," Regina murmured softly, as she shut the door behind her with a soft click.

"H-Hey," Emma returned sheepishly.

"Mind if I come in?" Regina asked gently.

"That depends," Emma breathed weakly. "Are you going to yell at me some more?" Emma asked as she met Regina's eyes.

"No," Regina replied, her voice a near whisper. "No," Regina shook her head. "I…I actually came in here to apologize."

"Regina Mills?" Emma joked. "Apologize? Hold on a minute, I'm pretty sure this moment should go down in history." Emma turned to Henry. "You got your Storybook with you, kid? Because I'm pretty sure you're going to want to get all of this."

"Emma," Regina let out a brusque huff of annoyance. "Can you please be serious, for once? I'm _trying_ to apologize to you. And like always, you're brushing it off like it's all just a fucking joke."

"Sorry," Emma muttered as she realized that the brunette was right.

Emma remained frozen, as Regina walked slowly forwards to bed. Emma felt her breath stall in her lungs as Regina reached out for her. She guided her lips to the blonde's forehead and pressed her lips there, closing her eyes as she attempted to draw peace from the action.

"I'm so sorry," Regina spoke aloud as her eyes flickered open and she pulled back, "I…I shouldn't have gone off on you like that. I was just so on edge all day long... From the moment you slipped out of my grasp to the moment I first laid eyes on you again, I was doing all I could just to hold myself together. Then I _still_ fell apart. I was just… so afraid that I'd lost you for good, and I couldn't handle it. When I saw you for the first time, all of those emotions I had been holding back came rushing forwards. So I did what I always do when I feel things I might not want to. I gave into my feelings, and then I lashed out to cover up my own embarrasement." Emma's soft yet stormy blue-green eyes tentatively opened to meet Regina's swirling chocolate eyes.

 _Usually I hold the power with both my hands tied behind my back_  
 _Look at how things change, cause now you're the train, and I'm tied to the track_  
 _Gave you all of me, and now honestly I've got nothing left_

Regina was surprised to see the degree of understanding in Emma's gaze. The blonde seemed to understand Regina's pain and frustration all too well.

Emma let out a deep hollowed breath as Regina gently brushed a hand over Emma's cheek. "I'm really sorry," Regina whispered.

"I am too," Emma said as she held Regina's passionate gaze. The brunette's affection for Emma was shining in the brunette's eyes as the older woman gazed at her. It had been a lot time since the brunette had looked at her like that…too long.

Regina opened her mouth to say something else, but was interrupted when the door opened and another person stepped into the room.

A nurse came rushing in, with a large envelope clutched in her hands.

"Doctor," she spoke urgently, "You need to see this."

Regina turned from where she stood to examine the interloper. She watched as Dr. Whale quickly strode over to the middle-aged nurse with shoulder length brown hair. Regina supposed that she was in her early to mid-fifties based on subtle markers. The unnamed woman had distinct crow's feet located at the periphery of her sparkling blue eyes, and even more obvious wrinkles around her mouth.

Regina swallowed uncomfortably over the sudden lump in her throat as she watched the envelope hurriedly change hands. Dr. Whale unwound the string fastening the envelope shut, and opened the flap of the envelope. He quickly reached inside and slid out the films held inside. Regina's brow furrowed as she watched him lift one of the films to the light. His eyes squinted at the films, as he struggled to make out the images on the translucent material. Then, she felt nerves begin to take control of her hands as his expression instantly hardened. He quickly handed the films back to the nurse, and looked at Emma with worry painting his features. Regina didn't need anyone to tell her…something was wrong.

"Emma," Dr. Whale spoke calmly, as he quickly closed the distance between himself and the blonde.

"What's going on?" Regina asked as she met his gaze.

"I'm sorry, but I'm going to need you to step out of the way," Dr. Whale said as he gently grasped Regina by the arm, and quickly induced her into stepping aside. Regina instantly stiffened, her whole body bristling as he handled her.

"Damn it, Whale," Regina huffed. "What the hell is going on?" She felt anger ignite white-hot inside of her, as he completely ignored her concerns. Her questions went unanswered as he focused, instead, on the blonde sitting on the bed.

"Emma," Dr. Whale's voice was gentle as he reached out for her. "I need you to lay back on the bed for me." Emma began to breathe heavily as the same feeling that struck Regina a moment ago, was now jarring Emma's own nerves. She began complying with Dr. Whale's wishes, weakly turning herself and reclining backwards against the pillows.

"Gently," he implored her, as he placed a hand on Emma's back between Emma's shoulder blades and began easing her backwards. "Gently," he breathed, "That's it."

"What's going on?" Henry voiced as he stood up and rushed forward, taking Emma's hand in his own, as if to ease her nerves.

"Emma," Dr. Whale said while meeting the blonde's eyes, "I need you to lay very still for me."

"For the love of god!" Regina burst out, "Will you please just tell us what is going on?"

"During the rescue," Dr. Whale began while finally meeting Regina's igneous gaze, "Emma snagged herself on a jagged piece of metal. She told me that it happened when she was pulling Lucas out of the car. I wasn't worried about it initially, but…perhaps I should have been." Whale let out a quavering breath as sweat built on his forehead. "What she didn't know… What _I_ didn't know until this very minute, is that a piece of that metal snapped off inside of her and is now lodged in her abdominal cavity, right next to a rather large hepatic artery," Dr. Whale finished.

"How bad are we talking here?" Emma asked. The sound was distorted and muffled by the oxygen mask, but was still clear enough for everyone nearby to decipher it. "I mean, what sort of distance are we talking about?"

"We're talking millimeters," Dr. Whale answered, "three…maybe four millimeters. Any sudden movement could result in the metal shifting, which could potentially result in a severing of the artery. If that happens…well, let's just say that it would be very bad."

"So…would now be a bad time to tell you that I'm feeling… a bit… strange?" Emma gasped, as she met Regina's gaze. Regina gulped then, the sound was so loud that she could swear it was audible.

Emma felt her vision swim momentarily, and glanced down at the large hole in the fabric of her undershirt, where the jagged metal of the car wreck had punched a hole through her jacket and undershirt, in order to see red...lots and lots of red. It was clear now that the wound was leaking blood.

Another groan escaped her lips as she reached down to the hole in her shirt, prodding and covering it with her bare fingers. She hissed in pain as the felt the sharp burning of a white-hot iron in her side. She gingerly pulled her hand away with it coated in the thick crimson substance. She winced at its implications. It was blood, her blood. It was her source of life, seeping out of her. Her lungs seemed to be on fire and she couldn't breath. She gritted her jaw, her teeth grinding together almost violently as the pain flared.

"Dr. Whale," Emma groaned.

He lifted up Emma's shirt in order to confirm what he had previously feared.

"Shit," he swore aloud as he grabbed for the gauze. "It's already too late."

Her breaths suddenly came in labored rasps, as the sound of the heart monitor beeping faded into the background. Sound seemingly faded away altogether for a moment.

"Emma," Dr. Whale's eyes darted to the monitor, where red numbers screamed out at them from the black. "Emma, breathe. You have to breathe." Sweat built on her forehead, as it suddenly took an overwhelming effort to breathe. She focused on breathing in and out, as it quickly became apparent that was the one thing that really mattered.

Sound began to fade away completely, as Emma became attuned to herself. It was a strange feeling. The only sound she could hear was that of her own breathing. She could feel the pounding of her heart in her temples.

Alarms started going off left and right, and Henry's eyes widened in panic as he took it all in.

"What's happening!?" Henry asked as he saw blood gushing from Emma's side. "Is she dying?"

Regina's breaths came fast as she took in the scene. Dr. Whale was pressing gauze to the wound in an effort to staunch the bleeding, but it was doing little good.

 _You took me down, down, down, down_  
 _And kissed my lips quickly goodbye_  
 _I see you now, now, now, now_  
 _It was a matter of time_  
 _You know I know, there's only one place this could lead_

 _But you are the fire, I'm gasoline_

"Whale!" Regina shouted, as she watched Emma's back arched off of the bed. Dr. Whale lifted the gauze away to see if the wound was still bleeding, and got his answer. Regina felt bile rise in her throat as she saw blood spurt out of the wound and spray onto Whale's scrubs. He pressed the gauze back to the wound, holding it there for a handful of seconds before it quickly became saturated and was tossed away.

"I can't believe I'm saying this, but…I'm going to have to open her up," Dr. Whale spoke, as he visibly blanched. "I'm going to have to open her up, right here."

"What?" Regina asked almost reflexively, her voice tinged with disbelief. "She needs an O.R."

"She doesn't have the time," Whale told her. "She's already in respiratory distress and is losing blood fast. Trust me on this. She doesn't have enough time left to make it to an O.R."

"Damn it!" Regina swore, momentarily forgetting that Henry was in the room.

Regina grabbed Emma's other hand. The blonde's grip instantly tightened around hers, so much so, in fact, that Regina could swear the blonde was crushing the bones in her hand. "She's in pain! What's going to happen if you do this without sedation?"

"It's going to hurt like hell," he said calmly as he started gathering what he needed. "But she'll live."

"I've got Henry," David announced from where he stood just inside the door. Regina met his gaze, taking in the anguish displayed there as he took in the whole scene. She silently wondered how long he'd been standing there without detection, just watching everything unfold.

"No," Henry pulled out of Charming's grasp. "No, I'm not leaving!"

"Henry," Regina said as she met his eyes. "You don't want to be here for this. Trust me. Emma wouldn't want you to see her like this."

"She wouldn't leave, if it was me lying there," Henry tried to argue.

"Your mom is right, Henry," David told him as he walked up to the boy, placing his hands on the boy's shoulders. "Things could get really bad. You don't want to be in here for that."

"I love you, Ma," Henry told her as he gently lifted Emma's hand to his lips and kissed it. His lips lingered on her knuckles. He prayed that she could feel the love he was sending her way. Then, with a look of anguish on his features, Henry forced himself to let go of Emma's hand.

"Don't let anything happen to her," Henry begged Regina.

"You know that I would never let that happen," Regina promised, as David started leading the young boy from the room.

"Regina, I need you to restrain her," Dr. Whale said as he met her eyes. "I need you to use your magic to restrain her."

"I…I can't," Regina shook her head.

"Regina," Dr. Whale said warningly. "She's going to die if you don't."

Regina opened her mouth to protest, but no words escaped before Emma's hoarse voice filled the room. The agony in her words was evident just from the strain in her voice.

"Do it," Emma begged. "I...trust you."

"Emma," Regina felt tears leak from her eyes, as she met Emma's almost desperate gaze.

"Damn it, Regina," Emma croaked, " _Please_. _Do_ _it_."

Regina felt magic crackle to life in her hands as she met Emma's brilliant green eyes, and held her gaze. Regina forced herself to let go of the blonde's hand as linens twisted around the blonde's wrists, and ankles, strapping her to the bed. Dr. Whale quickly cut Emma's shirt off, moving it out of the way. Regina scrutinized the scene before her, as he quickly injected something into the skin around the wound. Regina could only surmise that it was a local anesthetic. But she knew it would probably help the blonde's pain very little.

Regina met Dr. Whale's gaze as he picked up the scalpel.

Needing to see what was happening, Emma's head craned towards where Dr. Whale was sitting. Without even realizing it, the blonde was struggling against her binds as she attempted to watch what he was doing.

"This is going to hurt," Dr. Whale told her, "I'm going to have to extend the wound in order to get inside and see the vessel. Emma, I need you to hold still for me."

"Emma," Regina said as she leant over the blonde. Instinctively her hands reached out for the blonde's face, grasping the blonde's cheeks, as she attempted to turn the blonde's gaze towards her own. "Emma," Regina begged, her voice sounding rougher than she was used to, "Darling, look at me."

Regina was finally rewarded as the blonde's gaze met her own. Beautiful green eyes met and locked onto Regina's own. Regina felt a spike of pain, as a tear fell from her own eyes and dripped down onto Emma's face, mixing with the blonde's own tears.

As Emma's eyes met Regina's, Emma suddenly stopped thinking, and miraculously, she didn't feel so afraid. In fact, Emma felt at peace. Regina was there with her. She was holding her, and Emma no longer felt the pain she had just a minute ago.

Regina looked to Whale briefly and nodded.

Emma closed her eyes for a long moment, moaning softly. When she opened them again, they were unfocused, and it took a long time for her to see again. But then, Regina's mocha eyes were there to welcome her back. Regina's eyes grounded her. They held Emma there with her, and they did it with a gentleness Emma had never seen before. "Emma, stay with me," Regina started to beg her, and Emma could see the panic and fear in Regina's shimmering chocolate eyes.

Regina had to tighten her hold on the blonde as the pain flared, and the woman started thrashing on the bed.

"Emma," Regina cried out hoarsely. "Emma, sweetheart, look at me!" Regina commanded, the lilt of her voice pleading with the blonde for her cooperation. "Keep your eyes on mine, and breathe. Just breathe. It's just you and me, my love. Forget about everything and anything else. Here in this room? It's just you and me."

Emma's chest began to rise and fall sporadically. But amazingly the blonde's gaze never left her own. Emma's eyes bore deeply into her, seemingly penetrating into her very soul.

Emma screamed, her throat opening up in an involuntary cry as she felt a fire explode to life inside of her. Emma's unintelligible screams filled the room as Dr. Whale dislodged the piece of metal and retracted it from Emma's abdomen. Dropping it into a dish on his tray.

"It's going to be okay. I love you," Regina breathed, not caring if Whale overheard.

"Don't think about the pain," Regina coached, "Instead, think about the last time we made love. Remember how it felt to have your lips on mine. Focus on my touch, my love. And remember…remember how you held me afterwards. You held onto me so tightly, and I…" Regina's voice cracked under the weight of her emotions. "You made me feel so safe," Regina whispered. "Emma, I spent my whole life being afraid… but somehow, when…when I'm in your arms, I forget everything and I feel so safe. It's like coming home. No one has _ever_ been able to make me feel that way. Not even…not even _Daniel_."

"Emma," Regina spoke over and over, "Stay with me. Don't go anywhere. Just stay with me." She leant down, and for a minute Emma thought that she was going to kiss her. Instead Regina stared deep into her eyes and whispered the most beautiful words Emma had ever heard, words that Emma had waited so very long to hear. "I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I want to be a family with you and Henry. Please, I love you."

"I love you. I love you, Emma." Regina repeated it more than once, her voice shaking badly. Emma knew what the older woman was doing. The brunette was attempting to give her what she needed to make it through this hellish experience, and it was working. It was beyond beautiful. Emma felt every word that the brunette was speaking to her.

"Almost there," Dr. Whale spoke up, "I've got the vessel. I just need to tie it off, and then we should be out of the woods." Whale started tying off the vessel using the suturing materials.

"Shit!" Whale exhaled sharply, as the string broke off in his hand, and the vessel was ripped open again. Blood sprayed everywhere, seemingly flying in all directions. Regina made the mistake of looking at Whale, who looked more like a deer in headlights, than a man who was confident and knew what to do.

Regina suddenly felt panic take over. She'd been trying to be strong for Emma, but the wall was cracking. Regina couldn't deny it any longer. Emma was dying.

As Regina's eyes fell on where the blood was gushing from the blonde's midsection, Regina felt a sob force its way past her throat. Blood was also pooling on the mattress and from there began spilling onto the floor underneath the blonde's body. Drop after drop rained down onto the floor...so many, so quickly that Regina could no longer count them. It was like a torrent of blood.

"Emma," Regina's voice cracked harshly. "Emma!"

"Emma," for the first time since the vessel practically exploded, Emma heard the word clear enough to know what it is. It was her name. Regina was speaking to her and she needed desperately to reply. Emma wanted to speak, but for some reason she seemed to be incapable of speaking. Emma could hardly think. She could hardly feel. But most of all, Emma couldn't breathe. Emma couldn't breathe and it was scaring the living hell out of her.

A fleeting thought ran through Emma's mind as her quivering body finally relaxed. Emma felt free and safe as she looked into the most beautiful brown eyes she had ever seen. Emma opened her mouth, trying to speak. She wanted desperately to reciprocate. Emma wanted her to know. God, she needed Regina to know.

Emma could see something change in Regina's eyes as the brunette saw something shift in her that Emma couldn't see or feel herself. Regina's expression instantly transformed. Regina was seeing Emma's life slip away before her very own eyes. And she was powerless to do anything. She didn't know what made her start confessing, but once the words started, she couldn't stop them. She needed Emma to know everything.

"I've lost too many people in my life – so many people that I've loved," Regina spoke, her deep chocolate eyes shimmering. "It's one of the reasons why I was so afraid to admit my love for you, Emma. It's because I knew that my love for you was that much more intense…and that much more powerful than anything that I'd ever felt before."

In a way, Regina thought that she was giving her what she needed to fight. And she was. It just seemed like Emma couldn't quite fight hard enough. No matter how hard she tried, Emma couldn't breathe. Her strength was fading fast. Emma could feel her remaining strength coursing out of her, and it was dissipating into the air around them faster than she could believe. Like a flame flickering in a stiff wind, Emma tried desperately to cling to life, but she knew instantly that she was outdone. Emma had always thought about death as a war of wills. In this case, it was her versus the universe. But everything had to be okay, because Emma had something to fight for. She had something more than worth living for.

"P-Please," Emma whispered, her hands clenching into fists so tight that a grain of sand couldn't fit inside. The pain was too much.

"I was so afraid of what that meant," Regina says with a sound too anguish filled to properly be described, "Because I knew that it meant you would suffer a fate worse than anyone else that I've ever loved, and I didn't want that for you. I wanted desperately to protect you, even if it meant protecting you from myself." Regina let out a hollow laugh. "And now I realize that my worst fears were not unfounded," Regina said, her voice breaking. "I was right. But something that I never realized until this very moment… is that what makes it so much worse… What makes it so _horrible_ is that I never got the chance to really be with you at _all_. I never got the chance to show you my love. I denied you the happiness that you so deserved." Regina sobbed brokenly, her whole body wracking in violent pain-filled sobs.

"Sorry," Emma gasped.

"No…Don't!" Regina said as she held Emma that much tighter, "Don't give up. Don't you dare give up on me, Emma! Please I love you so much."

But it was too late. Emma's head fell back as the blonde finally surrendered, and became still.

 _I love you, I love you, I love you, I loved you dangerously_  
 _More than the air that I breathe_  
 _Oh now, I knew we would crash at the speed that we were going_  
 _Didn't care if the explosion ruined me_  
 _Oh, oh baby I loved you dangerously_

 _Lyrics are from "Dangerously," by Charlie Puth. It's a great song if you want to check it out! I've also added it to the Make it Without You Playlist_

* * *

 _ **A/N: So I wonder how many people expected Emma's injury would come back to bite her in the ass. I finished this chapter and thought, "Damn! Why does everything I have written lately seem so depressing. But alas, this entire scene is something I have been envisioning in my mind for days.**_

 _ **I obviously wanted a moment of deep emotional connection between Regina and Emma. I wanted to write something so vitally important that it would help you guys see exactly why they are meant to be. Regina coaching Emma through the pain was**_ **that _moment_** _ **for me.**_

 _ **I would just like to apologize for any emotional duress that this chapter may have caused you. (And let's just be honest...this entire story is emotionally taxing!)** **At least I can promise you that the next chapter will be a hell of a lot more uplifting. There will be a bit of a time jump coming up. (Only a couple of days, but still...)**_

 _ **I wish I could offer to pay for any therapy that you might need after reading this story, but sadly I'm quite poor.**_

 _ **Please hit the review button and say a few words. (Even if it's just to yell at me...)**_


	23. Don't Let Me Go

Title: Make it Without You  
Category: TV Shows » Once Upon A Time  
Author: Alwaysbringback-up  
Language: English, Rating: Rated: M (for language and sexual themes)  
Genre: Angst/General

Make it Without You

 **Pairing:** SwanQueen

 _ **Disclaimer: I don't own any part of the OUAT universe. All characters belong to Adam and Eddie, the show's creators. I promise that my writing is done purely for recreational purposes only. No ill harm is intended.**_

 _ **A/N: So I finally have another chapter for you.**_ _ **I've been working on this all week, but it's taken me a while to iron all of the kinks out.**_ _ **(Note: this should not be confused with the other sort of kink that you're all probably wanting.)**_

 _ **Okay, so maybe the above note was completely unnecessary. (It's just that I would hate for you all to get your hopes up, only to have them dashed when you find no sexy times. However, I'm happy to announce that there's some good stuff coming up for our two beautiful ladies really soon. Probably in the next couple of chapters!) We've just got to build up to it first.**_

 _ **Okay, now that I've thoroughly embarrased myself by rambling nonsense, I'll let you get down to it!**_

* * *

 _Thursday, November 5th, 2:47 p.m._

 _Room 18, Storybrooke Hospital_

 _Ooh I'm a mess right now_ _  
_ _Inside out_ _  
_ _Searching for a sweet surrender_ _  
_ _But this is not the end_

Regina couldn't stop the inarticulate yet thoroughly grief-stricken sound that passed from her lips as Emma head lurched backwards towards the pillows; It was almost reflexive, as she felt the sudden weight of the blonde in her arms. Emma's life was slipping away. Regina fought to hold onto her for several long moments, not ready to let the blonde go. But a part of her knew that if she didn't do something that the blonde was going to die right in front of her, as she watched and did nothing. She couldn't bear to lose the blonde in this way. She had to act. That part of her eventually won out, and the brunette forced herself to relinquish her hold.

"Whale!" Regina shouted, her voice frantic. Whale turned towards her, his eyes alarmingly void of cognizance. "What are you doing?" Regina shouted angrily, as she watched more of Emma's vital blood spill onto the floor, splattering the formerly pristine white tiles. "She's bleeding out! It's your _job_ to do something! So do _something_!" Regina rushed over, deciding that she needed to shake him out of it somehow, even if it meant _literally_ shaking him.

"Come on!" Regina cried helplessly, her voice dissonant and inharmonious as it echoed about the walls of the small room. Her boomed like a crack of thunder, but it still wasn't enough to shake him out of the daze he was in. He was frozen. "What the hell is wrong with you?" Whale merely gaped at where Emma's abdomen was gaping open, as if he expected everything to magically right itself.

"If you're not going to help her, then at least tell me what to do!" Regina said as she elbowed him out of the way, preparing to help Emma herself. The doctor remained rooted in place, however, obstructing her efforts to help Emma. Before she could stop herself, she seized him by the shirt, tugging him further away from the blonde.

 _I'm watching myself_ _  
_ _Drifting away_ _  
_ _A vision so darkened_ _  
_ _I cannot stay_ _  
_ _I'm reaching out wide_ _  
_ _Trying to catch myself before I fall_ _  
_ _Too little too late_ _  
_ _Can you save me_ _?_

"Look at me," Regina ordered, as she lost all control of her temper and started shaking him like a rag doll in her hold. This seemed to reach him on some level, but things still looked extremely dire as she met his glassy gaze. She feared he wasn't going to be able to help her. "Listen to me, Victor. That is the love of my life lying there on that bed. And she is going _TO DIE_ unless you pull yourself together and do what you have been paid to do." Regina let out a snarl, her eyes full of a blazing fire as her fingers tangled in his shirt. "So get out of your own fucking head," Regina said, "And tell me what to do!"

"I…I'm not cut out for this," Whale whispered, more like breathed really. But it was still loud enough for her to decipher, even over all of the alarms going off in the room. "I'm not even a real doctor. You said it yourself. I got my medical degree from a freaking curse, Regina. I was never meant for _this_."

"But you're all I've got," Regina told him. "So _help_ me."

"I don't know… what to do," Whale admitted. "Before we were looking at a partial tear of the vessel. But now? The whole suture broke off in my hand. The vessel is in tatters. I… I could try and close off both ends of the artery, but then a large part of her liver will likely become hypoxic and die. She's going to die."

"You don't fucking know that!" Regina spat. "But she will if you give up now."

"Regina," Whale shook his head, "I can't…do it. My hands are shaking too badly."

"Ugh… You're _useless_ ," Regina bit out, unwilling to hide her contempt for the man. "You're right about one thing, Whale. You were never cut out for this. I'll expect your resignation on my desk first thing tomorrow morning. Now get out of my sight. It looks like _I'm_ going to fix what you broke on my own." Regina shoved him backwards towards the door, not sparing him another glance as he quickly pushed open the door and fled, like death itself was at his heels.

Regina grabbed surgical gloves and fumbled through pulling them on. Her hands were suddenly shaking so badly, and Regina struggled to calm her nerves. She rushed over to the blonde, taking Whale's place at the side of the bed. Hesitantly, she placed her hand over the wound.

"Please don't leave me like this," Regina begged her lover as Emma's blood pressure started crashing. "There's still so much I have left to say to you."

 _Where do we go when we walk on light?_ _  
_ _Who do we call at the edge of night?_ _  
_ _Carry me close like the tear drops in your eyes_ _  
_ _All I can give you is memories_ _  
_ _Carry them with you and I'll never leave_ _  
_ _I'll lay my head down_ _  
_ _But when I lay my head down_

Regina knew that her time was up. She reached inside of the blonde, searching for the shredded vessel with her fingers. She finally found it, and started weaving, attempting to fuse it back together using her magic. She felt completely out of her element, but it appeared to be working. The blood stopped spurting from it, as the vessel sealed itself. Regina was forced to retract her hand as the wound started closing around her wrist, nearly trapping her hand inside of the blonde's abdomen.

Regina looked up as Charming came barreling inside, looking thoroughly flustered.

Regina opened her mouth to tell him that everything was under control, but just then everything seemingly went to hell. Regina took an involuntary step back as a flat-line started reverberating against the walls. Regina's jaw slammed shut. The brunette winced as she clipped her tongue with her teeth hard enough to tear open the muscle. She suddenly tasted blood. The taste of iron in her mouth was nauseating. But she forced herself to focus on the monitor on the other side of the bed. She felt her entire being cry out for Emma, as she confirmed that Emma's heart was not beating.

"Regina," Charming cried out over the almost deafening sound. "What… What can I do?"

"You see that unit of blood?" Regina asked him. Charming eyes searched for the bag, and found it, lying on a tray. He rushed over to it.

"What does it say?" Regina asked.

"It's O-," Charming said as he looked up and met Regina's eyes.

"Good," Regina gulped, "Hang it, and run it into her I.V. at the highest rate. Make sure you open the clamp all of the way." He nodded, and began fumbling through the motions. He had little to no experience with medicine, so like Regina he felt completely out of his element. But, again, doing nothing was not an option.

They looked to the door as a nurse came rushing in. It was the nurse Regina remembered from earlier.

"What can I do?" the woman asked.

"Her…Her heart stopped!" Regina said breathlessly, "Tell me how to get it started again."

"You need to give her Epinephrine," the nurse replied as she rushed over to the medicine cabinet and pulled out a vial. She grabbed a syringe, and tore the packaging open with her teeth. She quickly inserted the needle into the vial and drew up the liquid. "I'm going to slam the epi into her line, and then you're going to shock her with the paddles."

"Charge them to 300," the nurse instructed her. Regina fumbled with the machine that the nurse indicated, and followed the instructions on the device, preparing it for use. She hit the red button on the device, and the machine slowly charged the paddles. The notion that she was about to shock Emma with a hell of lot of electricity was a difficult one. But she knew in her heart that it was what she had to do. And if this didn't work, she would go to the ends of the world to get Emma back, even if it meant making a deal with Hades himself.

"Okay," the nurse gasped, "I'm going to slam it in now. You be ready with the paddles." Regina nodded, picking up the paddles in her violently shaking hands. The nurse slammed the syringe into Emma's line and Regina placed the paddles onto Emma's chest and side. Then she squeezed the trigger. Regina jumped back as Emma's chest shot off of the bed, as high as the binds would allow. Regina looked to the machine across the bed from her, praying for some sort of change. Still, the flat-line echoed around the room in ominous evidence of her failure.

"It… It didn't work," she whispered, dropping the paddles back on the defibrillator. Regina rushed back over to Emma's lifeless body, letting instinct drive her actions. She plunged her hand inside of Emma's chest, ignoring the gasp of the nurse as she wrapped her hand around Emma's heart and started massaging the muscle.

"Come on, my love," Regina breathed, "Come back to me." Regina squeezed the muscle in a steady rhythm, attempting to coax the muscle back to life. Finally, after she was satisfied with her efforts she relinquished her hold on the precious muscle, and retreated. She waited what seemed like a lifetime, as he waited to see if it worked. She pulled her hand from Emma's chest, waiting without breathing.

 _Don't let me go_ _  
_ _Hold me in your beating heart_ _  
_ _I won't let go_ _  
_ _Forever is not enough_ _  
_ _Let me lay my head down on the shadow by your side_ _  
_ _Don't let me go_ _  
_ _Hold me in your beating heart_

Finally, she glanced to the monitor as she heard a telltale beep echo through the room, then another and another. Regina let out a breath of relief as she realized Emma was alive. She'd saved her.

Regina looked down to the bed, and choked on the air in her lungs as she found herself looking at Emma's motionless figure. The blonde's hair fell haphazardly on the pillow, tangling. Without thinking Regina reached out for her and brushed the hair away from Emma's face. The light blonde hair seemed to contrast wildly with the now faint tinge of Emma's skin. It took a long time for it to sink in. Under the oxygen mask, Emma's lips were blue. She'd come close to losing the blonde forever, too close. Regina took a step back, her whole body crying out. She had to flee.

"Regina," Charming called out to her, sensing the fight or flight instinct at work within her.

"I…I'm sorry," Regina murmured as she turned and fled from the room.

Charming let out a sigh, as he watched her go. He was the one who had convinced her to come back in the room. He planted his hands onto the mattress and leaned heavily forwards.

"I'm going to give her some morphine and Phenergan," the nurse told him. "So she probably won't wake for awhile. But at least she won't be in pain." Then. "I'll have to call in Dr. Hubbard, in order to have her finish closing Emma up."

"Th-Thank you," Charming spoke sincerely. "If you'll excuse me, I'm just going to check on Regina."

Regina rushed down the hall. When she reached the waiting room, the brunette allowed herself to collapse into a chair. Her head dropped into his hands and she let herself feel everything for the first time since Emma started fading right before her very eyes. Her shoulders started to shake, as she fought back tears of relief and despair while her breaths came in large rasps. She wasn't prepared to feel the gentle touch on her shoulder.

She felt her cheeks turn red, and took a deep calming breath as she finally lifted her face from her hands in order to meet the warm, sympathetic gaze of Granny staring back at her.

"Are you all right, child?" Granny asked with a knowingly look in her twinkling eyes.

"I…I just needed a moment to gather myself," Regina told her, as she ran her hands over her cheeks to wipe away the moisture. Regina expelled a quavering breath, struggling to regulate her breathing. She coaxed herself back into a normal rhythm. "I-I'll be fine."

"You love that girl a whole lot, don't you?" Granny asked softly. "Actually, don't bother answering that. I think I already know. I saw you kissing her the other day."

Regina silently kicked herself for being so careless.

"You know… just a bit of advice? In the future you might want to be a little more careful about where you make displays of affection," Granny told her, "Well, not unless you want the whole town to know."

"I…I'm sorry," Regina apologized. "I didn't realize that we were out in the open.… I'm sorry if it made you uncomfortable. It wasn't my intention to..."

"Honey," the older woman spoke with a gentle smile. "I…I've been around for a _very_ long time, and I've seen a _lot_ of things. I assure you, there is absolutely nothing off-putting about seeing two women express their love for one another. You don't need to apologize for anything." Regina let out a soft sob, hating herself for breaking in front of yet another person.

"I'm sorry," Regina faintly murmured, as she brushed away a tear that eluded her fingertips.

"I can tell that she means a lot to you," Granny spoke before pausing to take a deep breath. "And hell, I think that after what you've been through today, you have a right to be emotional. It's good to know that you are human, after all." Regina's lips twitched upwards into a reluctant and wan smile.

"Was there ever any doubt?" Regina asked, while meeting her eyes.

"Maybe just a little," Granny answered honestly. "But you've proven to be extremely loyal irregardless." She gave Regina's shoulder one last squeeze. "I should get back to the diner. Please keep me posted as to Emma's condition. She means a lot to us all."

"Of course," Regina replied. "Thank you, Eugenia."

"Anytime, dear," Eugenia replied. "And if you should ever need it, I want you to know that I'm in your corner." Regina nodded wordlessly, watching the other woman's unhurried retreat.

"Regina," Regina's head turned in order to see David jogging towards her. She let out a sigh, and reached up to wipe away the few tears that remained.

"If you've come to check on me," Regina said with a small huff. "I'm fine."

"I…I did come to check on you," David proclaimed as he came to a stop in front of her. "You just sort of ran off. I owed it to Emma, and to you, to make sure that you were all right."

Regina just shook her head.

"I… never should have let you talk me into going back in there," Regina sighed.

"What are you talking about?" David asked. "Regina, she's alive because of you."

"No!" Regina shouted, her jaw clenching angrily as she met his gaze. "She…She almost died because of me! I…I'm not stupid, Charming." Regina squeezed her eyes shut, as she struggled to contain the anger she felt towards herself. "I'm the reason she almost died. When I kissed…it must have caused the metal to shift inside of her." Regina felt a sob break forth. "I almost killed her."

"You don't know that it was you," David argued. "There are a lot of different things that could have caused it. Hell, from the sound of it, she could have caused the metal to shift just by _breathing_ the wrong way."

"Still," Regina exhaled. "I…I can't face her. I can't go back in there."

"Then you're not the woman I thought you were," Charming spoke. "She needs you right now."

"No," Regina denied him. "She needs her father, and her mother, and her son. She doesn't need me." Regina pushed herself to her feet. She started walking for the door, when she felt his hand close around her wrist, halting her.

"What do you want me to tell her?" Charming asked softly.

"Tell her that I…I meant every word I said, but that I wasn't strong enough to cope with what happened," Regina said honestly. "Tell her that I'm sorry I've failed her…yet again."

* * *

 _So let me freeze time_ _  
_ _Before it turns cold_ _  
_ _The moments go by_ _  
_ _And life goes on_ _  
_ _The torturous stars_ _  
_ _Are taking every breath I wish I held_ _  
_ _The love in my heart_ _  
_ _Is never ending_

Regina walked aimlessly through the town, letting her feet take her away from Emma, and away from all of the pain left behind in that small room. Before she knew it, she looked up to find herself at the docks, where she often went to think. She lowered herself onto one of the empty benches, wrapping her coat tightly around her, as stared into the water, watching the ripples and the wind billow over it. The waves were particularly enormous today, and it seemed as if the lake was stirring. She heard the rumble of thunder in the distance and Regina looked up to lay eyes upon a particularly menacing cloud bearing down on the town.

Regina's head started to pound, her temples throbbing as she was left fighting tears all over again. The idea of walking back into that room after everything that transpired was just too frightening. She'd done everything but lay her heart out in front of her. Now she feared what came next. What if Emma rejected her? Regina didn't think she would be able to handle it. Yet, here, sitting all by herself in the cold, Regina felt the pain of leaving the blonde in such a way.

Regina let out a soft whine of discontent as her phone started ringing in her pocket. She was tempted to just leave it, and let it be. But then she thought better of it, and started searching for it. She needed to make sure that something hadn't happened at the hospital.

With clumsy, fumbling fingers Regina groped in her jacket pocket for her phone. All the while, she continued to count the rings. Finally, with a small sense of victory, the brunette's lissome fingers closed around the device, trapping it between her thumb and forefinger. She tightened her hold on the device before pulling it out, and let out another disgruntled sound as she saw the display. As much as she knew that taking the call would be difficult, she also knew he had to face the music sooner or later. With a slide of her forefinger across the smooth glass surface, she accepted the call and lifted the phone to his ear.

"Hello," Regina breathed. She continued to stare off into space as she waited for her long-time friend to answer.

"Regina?" her friend Kathryn's exhausted voice answered. It was getting late now, yet Regina suspected that the blonde was likely still stuck at her desk.

"Hey," Regina replied. She hadn't talked to her friend for several days, and she wasn't really sure what to say, "What can I do for you, Kathryn?"

"Oh," she tried to sound friendly. "I just wanted to see how you're doing. I've been trying to get a hold of you all day."

"I know… I know," Regina expelled in a breath, rubbing furiously at her eyes with the pads of her fingertips. She wished that he could rub the soreness out of them. She wished there was some way she could ease her own pain. "My phone has been off most of the time," she explained, "The hospital doesn't allow cell phone usage."

"That's sorta the reason I'm calling," Kathryn sounded apologetic. "Regina, the rumor mill has been working overtime. I just wanted to make sure everything was all right."

"What do you mean," Regina's grated voice filled the receiver. "What are people saying?"

"That Emma... well, that she is in a coma, and that her chances of waking up are 5% to nil," Regina swore under her breath, cursing out the hospital staff. She could only assume that someone on the inside had been running their mouth. She made a mental note to tighten security at the hospital and do background checks on all of the staff.

"Kathryn," Regina muttered impatiently, "What have I told you? You _know_ better than to listen to that sort of crap!"

"So it's all false then," Kathryn said with a relieved breath. "That's good. I…I know how much Emma means to you."

"It's not entirely false," Regina hedged.

"What?" Kathryn said with an odd tinge to her voice. It sounded as if this piece of information hurt her as well.

"Emma nearly bled out," Regina breathed. "Whale almost killed her with his incompetence. It's a fucking miracle she's still alive. But she's going to be fine. She's just resting right now."

"You… You saved her?" Kathryn asked knowingly.

"Y-Yeah," Regina whispered, "It was easily the hardest thing I've ever had to do. For a moment, I thought that I wasn't going to be able to do enough. The truth is, I had no idea what I was doing, but by some miracle she's alive. I…I've never been one to believe in some higher power, but…I have to say, someone must have been looking out for me today," Regina let out a hollow, wet laugh, as tears streaked down her face. "Because she's still alive. I…I told her _everything_ though, Kat. It's like I couldn't stop myself. I just…thought she was going to die, and I needed her to know how I felt."

"Contrary to what you might think," Kathryn replied gently, "That's _actually_ a _good_ thing, Regina."

"But now she holds all of the cards," Regina can't help but ask, "What if she decides that it's still not enough?"

"She won't," Kathryn spoke reassuringly, "Look, I know she loves you, Regina. Anyone with two eyes and half a brain can see it. And I guarantee you that the _only_ reason that she walked away in the first place, was because you were holding her at a distance. She had to try and protect herself from getting hurt. You can go ahead and call it a sort of preservation instinct. So… don't try to take it all back now. It's a good thing. You'll see."

"I…don't know," Regina breathed in reply, "I just don't know." She took another deep breath, trying to calm her pounding heart. "Look, I really have to go."

"Regina," her friend tried one final time before the line suddenly clicked dead. Regina let out a breath as she removed her finger from the now faded red disconnect button. She silenced it, just as the device started ringing again.

With a gruff sigh, Regina turned off the phone and slipped back into her pocket without ever looking at the caller ID. Don't get me wrong, she appreciated her friend, but she just wasn't ready to talk about her feelings. She wasn't sure that she would ever be ready to talk about it. Right now, she just wanted to be alone, and to spend a moment in a place where she felt close to Emma. She didn't even flinch as a loud crack of thunder echoed around the air around her and the skies opened up. She looked up just as the water started to rain down upon her. She closed her eyes, focusing on the sensation as the cool water met warm skin and continued to trickle down.

* * *

 _Thursday, November 5th, 6:47 p.m._

 _Admission ward Room 37,_

 _Storybrooke Hospital_

 _Where do we go when we walk on light?_  
 _Who do we call at the edge of night?_  
 _Carry me close like the tear drops in your eyes_  
 _All I can give you is memories_  
 _Carry them with you and I'll never leave_  
 _I'll lay my head down_  
 _But when I lay my head down..._

Several hours later, Emma let out a soft moan as she started to come to life again. Her body ached everywhere: her back, her shoulders, her chest, her arms, and her legs. It was like her muscles ached from running a marathon, but she relished the feeling. She was alive. Her eyes flickered open slowly a few times before she could keep them open. The light in the room, though very dim, was obtrusive to her eyes, and it took her a long time for her eyes to tolerate it. Her eyes observed the shadows around the room as she allowed her eyes to adjust to the light. Little black and white pixels seemed to merge together in order to make up a complete picture of the things before her. She was in a cluttered dark room filled to the brim with many different monitors, all of which emitted noises and faint light. One of these monitors monitored her heart. She could hear the steady melodic beating of her heart echo through the room. She closed her eyes again, letting out a deep sigh.

She shifted, her breath hitching as she suddenly realized that any movement was a very bad idea. She groaned again, using her neck to try and make sense of where she was. She didn't even realize someone was holding her hand until she tried to move it and realized she couldn't. For some reason that notion was extremely comforting. Her eyes finally locked on the disheveled boy slumped over her bedside. Now she could begin to feel Henry there with her. She could feel the warmth of his breath against the hand he was holding gently in his.

After a couple of minutes of lying still, enjoying the feeling of being alive, and gazing at the young man at her side, Emma finally gathered up enough strength to turn herself a little more so she could see Henry's handsome face. The pain in her side was excruciating, but she loved her son so much that the comfort of having him there was all she needed.

Emma closed her eyes again willing to fall back asleep. She was still quite tired, but Henry had already been pulled from his own reverie at Emma's subtle movement and mumbled a bit in his sleep before opening his eyes to find his mother's eyes looking down upon him.

"Mom," his voice sounded full of disbelief as he quickly straightened up. He was afraid he was dreaming and that what he was seeing wasn't real. "Y-You're awake," he stated dumbly, while his mind started working overtime.

"H-Hey," her breath hitched as her voice came out in a near whisper.

"Grandma, Grandpa!" Henry said while turning to the two older Charming's in the room. David's eyes hastily flickered open, almost as if he had a higher awareness. The man quickly sprung to his feet.

"D-Dad?" Emma murmured groggily, as he strode over and reached out to touch his daughter's cheek, affectionately

"Hey, honey," David, said with a smile. "I'm so glad you're awake. I'm just going to go let Dr. Hubbard know that you're up."

"Wait," Emma pleaded, "Can…Can you ask her if I can have something to drink?"

"Sure thing, honey," he told her. With a sigh, Emma let her head fall back on the pillows.

On his way out of the room, David quickly bent down in front of his wife, and pressed a lazy kiss to her forehead. "Wake up, sweetheart," David spoke in a soft, almost droning voice. He watched as Snow's eyes fluttered open, quite lazily.

"Charming?" Snow asked, while already straightening.

"Emma's awake," David informed her. "I just thought you'd want to know. I…I'll be right back."

Snow jumped out of her chair, lowering herself onto the edge of the bed next to Emma. With a motherly tenderness, Snow reached out, rubbing gentle circles over Emma's knee.

"Emma," Snow let out a weak smile.

"H-Hey," Emma whispered weakly. She swallowed repeatedly, trying to get more moisture in her mouth. Her throat was dry, sore, and grated from a long period of non-usage.

"How are you feeling?" Snow asked attentively, her heart softening as she finally let herself believe that her daughter would be okay. She could scarcely believe that Emma was awake, let alone that she had managed to escape the ordeal without any sort brain damage. But Mary Margaret could be sure of it now. Emma was completely herself.

"O-Okay," Emma's lips twitched. She was so glad to be alive. "I…I'm okay, Mom."

"Are you in any pain?" Henry's brow furrowed as he sought to ensure Emma's own well being.

"A… A little," Emma admitted, wincing as she tried to move again. Yep, moving was definitely a bad idea. The fact is that the pain hurt like you wouldn't believe. Whenever she moved, it was like there was nothing else left in her body, only the place where she'd been cut open, and the flaring pain that was left in its wake. Emma struggled to breathe shallow enough so as to not cause the pain to rear its ugly head.

Henry started to retract his hand, and pull away, "I'm smart enough to know that the fact you've admitted to being in any pain at all must mean that you're in absolutely excruciating pain."

"Hen," Emma started to protest, not wanting him to leave. "I…I'm okay. Really. Where are you going?"

"To find the nurse," Henry spoke. "She mentioned that she could give you something else for pain once you were awake. So I'm going to go get her."

"Wait," Emma exhaled sharply. "Is… Is your mom here?" For a moment Henry looked torn about what to tell her, but ultimately wound up shaking his head.

"She left," Henry told her sadly, "But she wanted me to wish you her best."

"Oh," Emma exhaled. The brunette's absence hurt worse than Emma would have imagined. She didn't know why, but she'd honestly expected the brunette to be there when she woke. Emma closed her mouth and swallowed roughly. She couldn't afford to let herself think about Regina right now. Emma just needed to focus on doing what she needed to, in order to get out of the hospital.

"I talked to the nurse," David spoke as he entered the room with a cup clutched in his hand, "She said that Emma can only have a couple sips. She's actually not supposed to have anything by mouth yet because of the surgery she has had, but the nurse is taking pity on her." Snow felt a pang of guilt as a small stream of water made its way past Emma's dry chapped lips. Emma swallowed, wincing as the water made its way over the dryness in her throat. Emma's eyes seemed to widen a little bit as the water ran slowly over her tongue, gloriously coating it with moisture. Far too soon, however, that rapture was taken from her. The blonde made a sound of protest as Snow pulled the cup away from her lips.

"Please," Emma begged, her thirst far from quenched. Snow brushed her hand over Emma's cheek.

"I'm sorry, honey," Snow said softly, "But you can't have any more until the doctor says you can."

"I hear somebody's in a bit of pain," the nurse said as she wandered in.

"Henry," Emma groaned, "I tried to tell you. You didn't need to bother her."

"But you _are_ in pain," Henry said as he crossed his arms over her chest.

"Maybe that's the price I have to pay for being an _idiot_ ," Emma groused.

"From what I hear, you're a _hero_ ," the nurse told her as she wandered over.

"Semantics," Emma mumbled, pouting.

"Now, I can only give this to you if you want it," the nurse told her, "So…what'll it be. Look, I know that no one's asking my opinion right now, but I'm going to give you my unsolicited advice anyway. I think that the only _truly_ idiotic thing to do in this situation would be to refuse pain medicine, when you're _clearly_ in pain."

"Fine," Emma whined, letting her head drop back onto the pillows with a sigh.

"You've just had surgery, dear," the nurse told her, as she hooked the syringe up to the I.V. and incrementally injected the medicine inside into the tubing, "with no anesthesia nonetheless. Things will start to feel better soon. I promise."

"I…I hope so," Emma told her as she met the woman's sparkling blue eyes, "Thank you."

"You're welcome, dear," the nurse told her. "The doctor will be in shortly. In the mean time, you should get some more rest."

Emma felt herself grow fuzzy as the medicine hit her bloodstream. Emma took one last deep breath and closed her eyes, feeling her mind float away to some place that transcended the space her body was in.

 _Don't let me go_ _  
_ _Hold me in your beating heart_ _  
_ _I won't let go_ _  
_ _Forever is not enough_ _  
_ _Let me lay my head down on the shadow by your side_ _  
_ _Don't let me go_ _  
_ _Hold me in your beating heart_

 _Lyrics are from "Don't let me go," by Raign_

* * *

 ** _A/N: There you go, my lovelies! Leave me some text in the box below if you're feeling so inclined! Thanks for reading!_**


	24. Madness

Title: Make it Without You  
Category: TV Shows » Once Upon A Time  
Author: Alwaysbringback-up  
Language: English, Rating: Rated: M (for language and sexual themes)  
Genre: Angst/General

Make it Without You

 **Pairing:** SwanQueen

 _ **Disclaimer: I don't own any part of the OUAT universe. All characters belong to Adam and Eddie, the show's creators. I promise that my writing is done purely for recreational purposes only. No ill harm is intended.**_

 _ **A/N: Hey, guys! :) I hope you're looking forward to spring almost as much as I am! It was gorgeous out today, and I have to say that it put me in the best mood!** **As it happens, today is also my birthday. So yay!** **I also finally had a little time to write today so was able to hash this chapter out. It's a shorter update, but still important to the progression of the story. I know you guys want SWANQUEEN to just happen already, but I have it planned in a very specific way. If you can be patient with me for just a little while longer, I promise to make it spectacular.**_

* * *

 _Friday, November 6th, 1:43a.m._

 _Emma's Room, Storybrooke Hospital_

Emma was catapulted into consciousness with a jolt, shooting upwards in bed, as she won out against the very worst of her nightmare. Her back left the pillows that had been propping her up in sleep. The name that was so desperately pulled from her lips only moments ago in the heat of the dream, became lost somewhere in the wake of it, and died on them a moment later in a sort of whisper. However, the name still fell from her soft pink lips. Another gasp was pulled from Emma's lips, as another streak of pain wreaked havoc throughout her midsection, robbing the air from her lungs. Emma panted aloud as sweat dripped from her brow and down into her eyes, stinging them in the process. Emma's torso dropped back to the mattress, and she audibly groaned, as she struggled to catch her breaths. They came in ragged inconsistent gasps, and she had to mentally tell herself to breathe in and out. She did not wish to remember the dream, and waited for the moment that the details effectively slipped from her mind, and became just like every other dream. Intangible. Part of her prayed that she never dreamt again, due to the fact that all of her dreams these days seemed to turn into nightmares. Tonight was no different. It had been the very epitome of a nightmare.

 _First things first_ , Emma thought as she reached up to press the button in order to put her I.V. on hold, and then disconnected herself from the line. She knew what she was about to do was stupid. Hell it was probably idiocy at it's best…but she didn't care. After a minute of focusing her thoughts she continued in her efforts and slid off of the bed until she was standing. Emma took another deep breath before she pulled the cannula out from under her nose freed herself of the supplemental oxygen.

Emma took a shaking step forwards, just testing the waters. With the movement, another wave of pain rippled through her stomach and Emma winced. With the trembling fingertips of her right hand, she reached up to rub at the place where the sting lingered the most. Even through the fabric of her hospital gown, she could feel the gauze of the bandage covering where she had been stitched back together. Closing her eyes, Emma wobbled slowly towards the door, slipping out of her hospital room and into the space beyond. It was dark, but even so, Emma's eyes could see surprisingly well as her pupils dilated to adjust to the contrast.

Emma squeezed her eyes shut, and focused on her apartment, just praying that her magic cooperated and she didn't wind up in the woods somewhere. Mercifully, Emma reappeared in her empty bedroom, enshrouded in a cloud of white smoke. Emma teetered over to her dresser, and pulled out some clothes. She carefully dressed in them, careful not to make any sudden movements. It was an exhaustive effort. After all, everything felt like it took such an effort. Her muscles were straining under the most basic of tasks. Emma pulled on a tank, and a loose sweatshirt that hung off of one shoulder, as well as a pair of jeans. She used her magic in order to put her boots on, because she honestly didn't think that she could bend over at this point. Slowly, Emma slid out from under the thick blankets that had been draped over her body. She held her breath as she did so, afraid too much movement would rouse a nearby Snow. Finally, Emma made it to the edge.

"Stupid," Emma chided herself, as she stumbled clumsily towards her bathroom. This was going to be harder than she thought.

" _Ugh. I'm soooo fucking tired_ ," Emma's inner voice cried out, as she continued into the bathroom.

With a flick of the light switch, Emma stepped inside. With another gasp Emma caught sight of her reflection in the mirror. It was hard for her to look at herself sometimes. There were days that she would just stare into the mirror for hours with detached interest. It was hard to explain, but sometimes Emma felt like she was a sort of ghost about to fade away into nothingness. It was like a part of her was still missing and she needed to get it back. Tonight was no different. As she stared into the mirror, Emma hardly recognized herself. Her doe-like green eyes stared pensively into the mirror, devoid of their usual warmth and sparkle.

 _It's not simple to say_  
 _That most days I don't recognize me_  
 _That these shoes and this apron_  
 _That place and its patrons_  
 _Have taken more than I gave them_  
 _It's not easy to know_  
 _I'm not anything like I used be, although it's true_  
 _I was never attention's sweet center_  
 _I still remember that girl_

She wanted the old Emma back. She wanted to be the strong, fearless, and altogether dynamic woman she had been when she'd first come to Storybrooke all of those years ago. She wanted to go back to being the woman who never shied away from or backed down from a fight or a challenge, and yet, she didn't know if it was possible to get that person back. Emma very much feels like she'd lost that woman somewhere along the way. She honestly didn't know if it was all of her fault, or if it was someone else's. All that mattered is that it had happened. That fact was undeniable now...

Her desperation to deny her love for Regina had caused her to become a docile, weakened version of herself, who was willing to be defined solely by her role as Hook's girlfriend, and not as anything else. She did not expect anyone to understand how she could willingly let this happen. After all, she was really the only one that could possibly understand.

She had lived so much of her life without love. And after growing up in such an apathetic environment, which did not care for her welfare nor her feelings, Emma had very much become someone who was _afraid to love._

 _She's imperfect, but she tries_  
 _She is good, but she lies_  
 _She is hard on herself_  
 _She is broken and won't ask for help_  
 _She is messy, but she's kind_  
 _She is lonely most of the time_  
 _She is all of this mixed up and baked in a beautiful pie_  
 _She is gone, but she used to be mine_

So there it was. The big secret she'd been so desperate to never tell another living soul. She was scared to love... She was _petrified_ of it actually. Over the last few years, she'd discovered that loving someone was a death sentence for them. So for the longest time she was determined not to love _at all_. Loving Regina was no different. All she'd ever wanted was to protect those that she cared about.

She knew now, of course, that she'd never really loved Hook. Not really. In fact, it was the knowledge that she could never _really_ love him that drew Emma so close to him in the first place. It had taken her a long time after Hook's death to understand why she'd been so desperate to love a man that she never could. He'd been the safer option. He seemed genuinely fond of her, and his love for her almost seemed to be enough for the both of them. It almost made up for her inability to love him. After losing Neal, Emma had been hurt and afraid.

It was that fear that drove her to distance herself from the person she _truly_ loved, Regina, and that fear still lingered. It was still an integral part of her. She fought it seemingly every day.

 _It's not what I asked for_  
 _Sometimes life just slips in through a back door_  
 _And carves out a person and makes you believe it's all true_  
 _And now I've got you_  
 _And you're not what I asked for_  
 _If I'm honest, I know I would give it all back_  
 _For a chance to start over and rewrite an ending or two_  
 _For the girl that I knew_

Deep down, Emma feared that by loving them, that she was putting her family in mortal danger. It had been her main motivation for pushing them all away during her time as the Dark One; She was willing to sacrifice her happiness, and her sense of self, so long as it meant that her parents, Henry, and Regina would be safe. She hoped that by keeping Hook alive and saving him that she could prove to herself that she wasn't cursed. Then, imagine her surprise when everything went to hell and he had died a most gruesome death at her hands. Her fear, had since grown, and festered into a gaping wound.

 _Who'll be reckless, just enough_  
 _Who'll get hurt, but who learns how to toughen up_  
 _When she's bruised and gets used by a man who can't love_

After all, she'd hoped to prove that she could keep those that she cared about safe. She wanted to be able to protect those that loved her, and she had failed miserably. She was now more afraid to love, than she'd ever been before. It was almost easier for Emma to try and convince herself that Regina did not love her, but it wasn't exactly fair to either of them. Their love for eachother couldn't be denied.

The irony was that Regina was afraid of the very same things that she was. The way that she had voiced those fears had made Emma's soul cry out in empathy. After all, it seemed that Regina could relate to her in ways Emma wished that the brunette would not. Emma seemingly always lost the people that she cared about most, but Regina had too. It was further proof that they were better suited for eachother than most. They could relate to eachother in ways that no one else could even imagine. If that wasn't a sign that they were fated to be, then Emma didn't know what was. Still, Emma and Regina continued to fight their love for another in every way that they both knew how, letting their fears win.

 _And then she'll get stuck_  
 _And be scared of the life that's inside her_  
 _Growing stronger each day 'til it finally reminds her_  
 _To fight just a little, to bring back the fire in her eyes_  
 _That's been gone, but used to be mine_  
 _Used to be mine_

With a groan, Emma squeezed her eyes shut, reaching down to turn on the tap with her right hand. She reached out for the sink with her left, to support herself, wincing as fingers wrapped around cool porcelain. Opening her eyes, Emma cupped her hands under the cold water, letting it pool before she bent down to splash it onto her face. She let out a deep breath, repeating the action a second and then a third time. Finally she was satisfied. She plucked a clean hand towel from the bar next to the sink and patted her face dry.

She let out a tired sigh, as she closed her eyes again. It would be so easy to just give up, to go back to the hospital and let Regina continue her avoidance of Emma, as if the blonde was carrying the plague itself. At the same time, however, the blonde was determined not to let the brunette get away with it this time.

 _She is messy, but she's kind_  
 _She is lonely most of the time_  
 _She is all of this mixed up and baked in a beautiful pie_  
 _She is gone, but she used to be mine_

Emma pulled her hair into a ponytail, and disappeared in a wisp of smoke.

* * *

 _I, I can't get these memories out of my mind_  
 _And some kind of madness has started to evolve_  
 _I, I tried so hard to let you go_  
 _But some kind of madness is swallowing me whole, yeah_

 _But now, I have finally seen the light_  
 _And I have finally realized_  
 _What you mean_  
 _Oh oh oh_

When she appeared on the porch of 108 Mifflin Street, Emma felt its dizzying affects. She reckoned that maybe she wasn't quite healthy enough to be transporting herself around town just yet. Emma let out a groan, as her stomach traitorously lurched, and she staggered sideways into one of the pillars. She let out a louder cry as she felt the pain in her side rear its ugly head, as she knocked into the pillar with a bit too much force. Emma hissed sharply as she grabbed for her side, praying she hadn't torn any of her stitches.

Regina would surely kill her if she had hurt herself with this latest stunt. Emma took in another sharp breath, her lungs burning as the cool air tickled her nostrils, and then began to chill her from the inside out.

Emma's eyes reflexively slammed shut as the porch light suddenly came on. Even through her eyelids, Emma could see the bright orange light permeating her eyelids. Emma slowly cracked her eyes open, willing her eyes to adjust to the obtrusive bright orange lamps that lit the space to either side of the front door.

Emma was really starting to rethink this whole thing, just as the door was thrown open with a loud creak. Regina, from her position just inside the heavy, white, front door instantly looked to the intruder, who was making all sorts of racket on her porch in the middle of the night. The truth is, she'd been about to call the Sheriff, before she realized that David nor his daughter was in any position to be looking into domestic disturbances, at the moment.

"Emma?!" Regina's voice was tinged with disbelief, as she laid eyes on the blond, currently leaning heavily against one of the massive front pillars as if it were the only thing holding her up at the moment.

Emma looked up slowly from the wooden planks at her feet, slowly meeting Regina's widened gaze. The brunette's brown-eyes were wide as saucers, as she awaited some response that told her she wasn't imagining all of this, and that Emma was actually standing on her front porch.

Emma swallowed over the sudden obstruction in her throat, struggling to form words. She kicked herself as she realized that Regina didn't sound the least bit happy to see her.

"Hi," Emma whispered, more like grunted really, given the amount of pain that she was in.

"Oh my word," Regina exclaimed as she rushed over, to where the blonde was leaning. As gently as she could manage, Regina quickly wrapped one arm around Emma's middle, steadying the younger woman, while bearing most of the blonde's weight with the other. "What in the hell are you doing here? You should be at home resting, for crying out loud!" Emma opened her mouth to offer a retort, but Regina wasn't finished. "Only you would show up at my house in the middle of the night! Just what in the hell were you thinking?! It's freezing out here," Regina fumed, growing angrier with the blonde by the second. "You could catch pneumonia, Emma! Either that or you could seriously hurt yourself."

"Easy, Regina," Emma groused, "It's not like…" Emma cut herself off, letting out her own huff of frustration. "Ugh," Emma grunted, "You… You didn't exactly leave me with much of a choice!"

 _And now, I need to know is this real love_ _  
_ _Or is it just madness keeping us afloat?_ _  
_ _And when I look back at all the crazy fights we had_ _  
_ _It's like some kind of madness_ _  
_ _Was taking control_

"Emma," Regina sighed, as she led Emma into the sitting room and carefully lowered her down onto the couch. Emma let out a breath of relief as she relaxed against the comfortable pillows.

"Regina," Emma gave her the same pointed look, borne of frustration.

"I'm going to go get you some hot chocolate, so I can warm you up," Regina told her, "Don't go anywhere."

"I wouldn't dream of it," Emma called after her, as Regina departed from the room at a brisk walk. Emma knew exactly what the brunette was doing. The brunette was avoiding her once more, but at this point, the blonde was just too tired to follow Regina around the large mansion.

Regina appeared a few minutes later with two mugs clutched in her hands. She handed one off to Emma, not bothering to hide the way her breathing quickened as their fingertips brushed during the exchange. She lowered herself down onto the couch next to Emma, but deliberately left a fair amount of space between them.

"So…" Regina said after taking a ginger sip of the scalding liquid and clearing her throat, "Care to tell me what you were thinking, showing up here in the middle of the night?"

"I have to think that you already know the answer to that," Emma said simply. She'd been about to take a sip of the hot chocolate when she realized that she probably wasn't allowed. The doctor had only just cleared her to have clear liquids. Emma didn't want to push her luck and make herself sick.

"I'm afraid I don't know what you mean," Regina feigned ignorance.

"Damn it, Regina," Emma huffed, "Believe me when I say that I'm really fucking tired, okay? And so I hardly have the patience to sit here and play games with you right now!"

"I…"

"If you're about to tell me you don't know what I'm talking about, I swear to God I will fucking _strangle_ you right here on this ostentatious couch," Emma threatened, earning an arched eyebrow from Regina.

"And just what makes you think you could do anything of the sort," Regina sassed, "You can barely move, Emma. You wouldn't be able to do _anything_ without popping a stitch! In fact, it's a _miracle_ you haven't torn your stitches open, with your latest stunt."

"Argh," Emma let out a noise that could only be attributed to a growl. "You're such a… piece of work you know that?" Emma told her shortly, setting down her mug on the table with a dull clank. "You're so damned _infuriating_. It's a wonder as to why I _love_ you."

"You haven't answered my question, Emma," Regina reminded her, her heart pounding with the blonde's latest words. "What are you doing here? It's three in the morning!"

 _And now I have finally seen the light_  
 _And I have finally realized_  
 _What you need_

"I had to talk to you!" Emma exclaimed, throwing up her hands. "But of course you made it fucking impossible. Only _you_ would say all those things to me, and then cut and run _not_ _even_ five minutes later," Emma said to her in frustration. Regina met her eyes knowingly, finally having the decency to look guilty. "I called you like fifteen times, Regina, without any luck whatsoever," Emma said, sounding hurt for the first time since she'd arrived. "And so I could only come to one conclusion."

"Look," Regina said, "Emma, it's not what you think. I promise."

"Do you wish you could take back what you said?" Emma asked her. "It's...It's okay, Regina. You can tell me! If you do, just say it. You don't have to worry about sparing my feelings. If...If you want to just go back to how things were before, I promise that I'll leave you alone."

"What?" Regina asked, her voice cracking. "No…! Your father was supposed to tell you. I meant every word I said, but I just… wasn't strong enough to stick around. It's my fault you almost died in the first place."

"That's bullshit," Emma said simply. "I almost died, because I hurt myself during the rescue. You had absolutely _nothing_ to do with it."

"I just couldn't stay," Regina breathed. "I didn't mean to hurt you." Emma remained silent. Part of her knew that Regina didn't mean to hurt her, but as always, Emma had gotten her feelings hurt anyways.

"Emma," Regina sighed, her voice softening substantially, "I…I'm sorry."

"I know," Emma whispered, accepting her apology. Regina seemed genuinely surprised by this. "I know you might not believe me when I say this, but I understand why you ran."

"You do?" Regina asked her.

"I do," Emma, told her in affirmation, her voice lowering as her emotions started to get the best of her. "I get that you're afraid, Regina, I really do. And I…I'm about to tell you my biggest secret, okay, so do me a favor and just listen…" Emma took a deep breath, her hands tightening into tiny fists, as she tried to stop her hands from shaking. Her entire body was trembling, whether it was out of nervousness, or because she was feeling particularly weak and tired, she didn't know. All she knew is that her entire relationship with Regina was riding on this one moment.

Emma took a steadying breath, and spoke, her voice quavering at first, "You're talking to someone who, at their very core, has always been afraid to love. Growing up, loving someone meant automatically losing him or her. The first people I ever loved, the Swans, sent me back when they had a child of their own. The second person I loved, betrayed me and left me with a son I was in no way ready for. And the third? Well, you know how that ended. The fact is, I have _always_ been petrified of one particular emotion, and as a result I have become an expert in pushing people away." Regina felt her heart break for the woman in front of her, as tears built in Emma's eyes and spilled over. "I found my family in the last few years, but I still have a lot of work to do when it comes to opening up to those I care about. I…I've never been good at showing my love for the people I care about most. But, you have to understand, Regina, I spent my entire life alone. I spent most of my life being told I was worthless, so imagine how difficult it would be to have people in your life suddenly telling you that's not true. It just... sort of makes it hard to believe. I…I've never been in a relationship that lasted longer than a few months, for that very reason. It was always just easier for me to leave. I hated waiting for the other shoe to drop. It always _feels_ like I'm just _waiting_ for the other shoe to drop." Emma paused, pressing her hands together. Regina watched as Emma's fingers tangled together so that both of Emma's hands became completely entangled in a mess on her lap.

"Until about two years ago, I had never had a relationship in my life where I felt completely safe, or where I actually found myself depending on another person." Regina swallowed, somehow knowing what Emma was about to say. It made her heart ache in a way that was almost unimaginable. Her heart swelled with love for the woman in front of her. "Until _you_ … Somehow, against all odds, Regina, I came to feel that way with you. You were my safe place, my happy place. In a world filled with so much misery, you made it ache less."

"I…I don't know what to say," Regina said honestly.

 _And now I have finally seen the end (Finally seen the end)_ _  
_ _And I'm not expecting you to care (Expecting you to care)_ _  
_ _But I have finally seen the light (Finally seen the light)_ _  
_ _I have finally realized (Realized)_ _  
_ _I need to love_ _  
_

"You don't have to say anything," Emma said gently, her eyes full of nothing but warmth and affection. "I came here because I wanted to tell you that I know exactly how you feel," Emma told her, as the blonde reached out for her knee and gave it a comforting squeeze. "I know how hard it must have been for you to tell me those things, but I appreciate that you said them. Because I _know_ how you feel, just as surely as you've felt it. You're afraid of how you feel, Regina. You're afraid of the emotion as a whole. But most of all, you're afraid of something happening because of how _intensely_ you feel it." Emma's throat tightened as she spoke her next words, causing them to come out almost strangled. "And I came to tell you that that's okay…it's _okay_ to be afraid."

"Emma," Regina tried to interrupt, hating how accurate Emma's words were. The blonde was hitting the nail on the head.

"I… I think you're worth it, Regina," Emma whispered. "I came to tell you that I think we're worth facing our fears. Hell, I think you're worth the whole world, because I love you. I've spent so long denying that side of me, so desperate to pretend that you didn't bring something to life in me that no one else has been able to." Emma reached up to brush her hand along Regina's cheek. "But I'm done now." Regina's hold on the mug in her hand tightened exponentially.

"I'm done trying to make excuses. I'm done trying to push you away," Emma breathed. "Yes, you hurt me, but that's part of what it means to be in love."

Regina opened her mouth to speak, but suddenly found herself incapable of saying anything. She silently kicked herself. Of all the times for her to go speechless, now was not the time. Still, Emma didn't seem the least bit phased by it.

"So," Emma sighed, a weak smile on her face, "I…I guess what you need to decide now, is if you feel the same way." Emma sensed Regina's rigid posture, because she reached down in order to gently prize the mug from Regina's hands. Regina was surprised when Emma reached out, extracting the mug from between Regina's fingertips. With a quick and sure movement, Emma set the mug down on the table, turning back to Regina. With a soft touch, the blonde ran her hands up Regina's body to the brunette's strong shoulders.

"I…" Regina's voice cracked as she tried to speak. She was so determined to answer, but the fact that Emma was touching her right now, only made it that much harder.

"You don't have to say anything," Emma whispered, "Not now. I don't want you to make a decision now. Just…Just think about it."

 _Come to me,_ _  
_ _Trust in your dream_ _  
_ _Come on and rescue me_ _  
_ _Yes I have known, I can be wrong_ _  
_ _Maybe I'm too headstrong_ _  
_ _Our love is_ _  
_ _Madness_

"Emma," Regina whispered, her heart beating heavily in her chest at the touch. Emma closed her eyes as Regina's hands reached up to her sternum, pausing over where she knew the blonde's heart resided. Regina relished the sensations, feeling the contractions reverberate through skin and bone. Emma willed her heart to slow down a little bit, something that was impossible when Regina's hands touched her. Slowly, painfully, Regina wrapped her hands in the fabric of Emma's tank, pulling the woman forwards. With a soft moan, their lips connected. The kiss was hardly a brush, and then it grew in ferocity. Regina's mouth opened as a persistent tongue traced Regina's soft lips. With a gasp, Emma's tongue found its way inside, stroking the silken muscle before exploring the warm, wet cavern of the older woman's mouth. Emma moaned softly at the almost spicy taste lingering in Regina's mouth. She could have spent hours just relishing in the sensation, in the taste and the smell and the feel of Regina, but Emma needed Regina's mind to be clear when she made her choice. Reluctantly, Emma pulled away, feeling the thundering tempo of Regina's heart, against her own hand. Regina followed after her retreat, trying to prolong the kiss between them. She too, had missed the taste and feel of Emma's lips. It was divine. But Emma, asserted a gentle pressure on her shoulders telling her to yield.

"I should go," Emma told her, as she let out a soft exhale. "I need to get back to the hospital, before my mom notices I'm gone and alerts the authorities."

"What?" Regina's voice cracked. "I thought you'd been released!"

"Uh…not quite," Emma laughed softly, having the decency to look guilty.

"Emma!" Regina's eyes flashed in incredulity. "Are you insane?"

"Oh, yeah," Emma confirmed, "I'm crazy. I'm definitely crazy. But, I would argue, I'm crazy for _you_."

Without warning, Emma was gone in a puff of white smoke, leaving a sexually frustrated and slightly shocked Regina in her wake.

* * *

 _ **A/N: Please leave a quick comment for me in the box below! Reviews help me more than you know!**_


	25. Treat You Better

Title: Make it Without You  
Category: TV Shows » Once Upon A Time  
Author: Alwaysbringback-up  
Language: English, Rating: Rated: M (for language and sexual themes)  
Genre: Angst/General

Make it Without You

 **Pairing:** SwanQueen

 _ **Disclaimer: I don't own any part of the OUAT universe. All characters belong to Adam and Eddie, the show's creators. I promise that my writing is done purely for recreational purposes only. No ill harm is intended.**_

 _ **A/N: Hey, guys. I feel like I've let a lot of you down. I'm so sorry that it's taken me so long to continue this. I just sort of lost my inspiration somewhere along the way. I've been working a regular job now, so that kind of sucked all of my thoughts and energy away from my writing. However, a miracle happened about a week ago. I got my motivation back. I started dabbling and writing, and I'm happy to announce that .back! Woohoo! So enjoy this little gem, specially on me!**_

 _ **Happy reading!**_

 _ **And as always, thank you to all of you for your love and support!**_

* * *

 _Saturday, November 7, 2015, 10:16a.m._

 _The Charming's Loft, Storybrooke, Maine_

Emma who was dozing in the front seat, was jolted awake as Charming's pick-up came to a gentle stop outside of the Charming's loft. She'd been sleeping soundly, and having a very vivid dream, in fact, but was forced to let it go in exchange for something much less desirable. Cold, hard, reality. A gentle sigh escaped her lips as she straightened up in the front seat, but the sound quickly turned to a groan of pain as she engaged muscles that were better left alone at the moment. Never had she had a better incentive to keep better posture, than she had right now. Slouching was doing terrible things for the wound still taking up residence in her right side. Emma reached up to her face, as she tried to rub the sleep from her eyes. Slowly, incrementally, Emma moved back into the world of the living.

"We're here," Charming announced with a dapper smile. "You must be so relieved to be home. I, for one, have had enough experiences with hospitals to last a lifetime," Charming babbled, seemingly oblivious to the fact that Emma wasn't really listening. Sure, it was nice to be home, but Emma would have liked to be alone in the comfort of her own home just as much. Especially because Emma knew just how overbearing her mother could be. While caring for Emma, Snow was always far too concerned with Emma's comfort to be considered healthy. Emma just wanted rest. All she wanted was uninterrupted, rapturous sleep, the kind that she had too little of, nowadays.

Emma was jolted out of her muddled thoughts, when Charming opened the driver's side door and stepped out of the cruiser. She looked up into the rearview mirror just in time to catch his reflection jogging around the back of the pick up to her door. Before she had much time to situate herself, the passenger side door was opening. Charming started reaching inside to disengage the seatbelt, but Emma stopped him with a gentle touch and a sad smile.

"I've got it," Emma told him, as she reached over her own body to the release. She bit back a moan as the pain in her side momentarily flared. But she grit her teeth together and bore it well. Charming didn't seem to catch the noise and he was standing right there, at her side. She heard a click as the seatbelt disengaged and she was freed from the restraint. Slowly, she reached up to the handle above the door, and started pulling herself out of the car, using her right arm. She felt the muscles in her bicep twitch a little in resistance with the action, but the muscles in her upper limb, held. They bore the strain that the muscles in her middle couldn't possibly handle at the moment, and Emma was just relieved that she had any strength at all. The feat was impressive, to say the least. And Emma knew that if anyone apart from her father had seen it, they would have agreed it was...downright impressive.

Charming still didn't seem to be getting the hint that she wanted to do this as independently as possible, because she still felt his hands on her, trying to ease her from the vehicle.

Emma couldn't stop the gasp from escaping her lips, as his hand pressed just a little too firmly over the suture. "Really, Dad," Emma told her father sternly, while trying to be appreciative and gentle at the same time, "I've got it. You-You can let go."

"You're sure?" he asked her, as he incrementally pulled his hands away (giving her ample time to protest if she really needed help), and stepped back. Emma let out a sigh of relief when her first foot touched the pavement and she was able to transfer some of her weight onto her lower limb.

Emma took the first deep breath she had in what felt like minutes now. She met her father's sheepish expression as she straightened up into a standing position.

"I'll get your bag from the back," Charming announced as he rushed to the tailgate, and pulled the thing open. It let out a loud groan, as the rusty metal hinges protested slightly against the action. But soon enough, Charming was slamming it shut again. He threw her bag over his shoulder and walked the few steps back to where Emma was standing, with her hands pressed against the side of the car for support.

"You okay, honey?" he asked worriedly as he took in her stiffened posture. Emma shook her head gently, admitting for the first time that she didn't quite feel okay. She still felt a bit out of sorts. She was dizzy at times, and in pain at others. The truth was, she never really felt like her old, strong self.

"Come on," he told her as he took her left hand in his, "Let's get you inside. It's okay for you to lean on me if you have to, okay? I promise I can handle it."

"God, Dad," Emma laughed, "You make me sound so _weak_."

"Never," he retorted earnestly as he met her eyes. His expression was oddly serious, as he kept his eyes locked on hers. "Emma, you have never been weak. Hell, if I'd been through half of what you had, I would have given up a long time ago."

"It's what I get," Emma sighed, as she tore her gaze from his in determination, and continued towards the front of the loft. But Charming stalled, coming to a sudden stop as the words sank in.

"What does that mean?" he asked her. "Emma, be honest with me for a minute, okay? All kidding set aside, what does that mean?"

"I wasn't joking," Emma told him. "I was saying that this…" Emma gestured to herself in a way that indicated her current condition "Is sort of my fault…so I guess I just better suck it up and bear it."

"Emma…"

"Look, I took a stupid risk," Emma told him. "I took a risk, and nearly died because of it. So now what I get, is to be in pain. And of course, I also get to experience the joy of being alone or whatever, because I've gotten so fucking good at pushing everybody I really care about away."

"Emma," David sighed, "What is this really about? What are you more upset about; the fact that you almost died, or the fact that Regina…"

"She can't fucking look at me!" Emma felt the words burst from her throat at the same moment a sob did. She felt her legs give out on her at the same moment. And would've fallen, had it not been for David's quick reflexes and tight hold. Emma felt her cheeks flush in embarrassment as tears seeped from her eyes and slid slowly down her cheeks. She stared at the concrete between her feet, too mortified to look her father in the eye.

"Emma," David gently lowered Emma to the concrete and knelt down in front of her. "Emma, look at me." Emma's eyes lifted as she felt David's fingertips brush away her tears. "She just needs time, okay? She knows it's not your fault…not really, but she needs time to deal with what happened…just like we all do."

"I tried so hard to push her away," Emma told him. "Why didn't I realize how much she really cared, when she didn't let me?"

"Because," David said wisely, "Sometimes we only see what we want to see." David took a deep breath, then said, "Come on, let's get you up…" David tugged her to her feet, and wrapped his arms around her in a gentle hug. He was afraid to apply too much pressure, but knew she needed the comfort the gesture provided. Emma squeezed her eyes shut and focused on the feeling of Charming's warm arms wrapped around her, and the solid and very real shield that his body provided from the penetrating cold. Emma's eyes opened as she heard tires crunch to a stop on the road behind Charming's pick-up. For a fraction of a moment, Emma convinced herself it was Regina's Mercedes she would find when she turned towards the sound. But when her head swiveled towards the street, she was immediately let down, as she saw Jake's BMW instead. She forced herself to smile as the door opened and he jumped out of the car, with a bouquet of flowers clutched in his hands.

"Hey there," he greeted, with a disarming smile and twinkling blue eyes that were shining with a certain amount of confidence.

Damn, why didn't this guy seem to get it? Hadn't she let him down enough times already? What was it with her and clingy types, anyways?

She hated herself, when she forced a smile onto her lips, and faced him like an old friend.

"Hey," she breathed, while wrapping her arms protectively around herself. Jake reached out in order to shake her father's hand respectfully.

"Hello again, sir," he greeted.

"Hi, Jake," he said in a welcoming manner. "How are you doing?"

"Good," Jake nodded, "Running late as always, but what else is new?" Jake joked as he turned back to address Emma once more.

"I'm sorry I missed you at the hospital," Jake told her apologetically, "I went to visit this morning, but they told me that you'd already been discharged."

"Yeah," Emma laughed, "Thank god! I don't think I could have borne that place for another minute."

"Well, in that case," Jake told her as he handed her the flowers, "I'm glad I found you here instead." Emma's eyes were torn away from Jake's blue steely gaze, by the opening of the front door. Snow came quickly scurrying down the walk towards them. If Emma knew one thing about her mother, it was that the pixie-haired brunette hated missing out on pleasantries.

"Jake!" she exclaimed with a warm beaming smile. "Well, what a surprise! It's so nice of you to stop by." Emma immediately had an inkling that something greater was at play here. Her mother had always been a terrible actress.

"Well, of course, ma'am," Jake said with a chuckle, "Even though it didn't really work out, I still care for your daughter very much."

"Jake…" Emma began, feeling somewhat guilty about hurting him so much.

"Emma," Jake cleared his throat, "Look, I'm not trying to make you feel guilty about what happened in New York, but…I've been doing a lot of thinking over the last few days. The possibility of losing you, knowing that I didn't put up a fight for you in the way that I should have…well, I feel…" Jake surprised her by dropping to his knee. "Emma," Jake swallowed over the sudden lump in his throat, "Would you do me the honor of going to the ball with me?"

"What the actual f-," Emma caught herself at the absolute last moment. She looked into Jake's expectant gaze, trying to get a read on what the hell was going on. Hadn't her and Jake's last parting been absolutely final?

"A little birdy told me that you didn't have a date to the ball and were feeling quite down about it," Jake told her. Emma tore her eyes from his and looked up at her father accusatorily. Charming gave a subtle shake of his head, assuring her that it hadn't been him. Then he jerked his neck, subtly enough to not be detected, but deliberately enough to indicate another participant. Emma's gaze slowly migrated from her father's gaze, in order to meet that of her mother's. And she suddenly knew as she met Snow's expectant expression, that this was a deliberate and premeditated ambush. Emma swallowed back sudden nausea as she looked back down at Jake, who was still kneeling patiently on the concrete.

"Emma?" he looked confused, hurt almost, and it wore down her resolve.

"Jake, I don't- I don't know," Emma stuttered with a quickly faltering expression.

"It doesn't have to mean anything," Jake hedged, "We can plan on going as friends if you need time to think about what you want."

"Okay. I guess I can live with that," Emma acquiesced. She was acutely aware that she hadn't heard a word from Regina since her visit more than three days ago. She wasn't sure if the brunette even wanted to be with her anymore. What could it possibly hurt, if she took Jake to the dance?

Jake beamed as Emma pulled him up from his knee. He held her hands softly in his. "I'm so glad that you've agreed to give me a chance to atone for my wrongs, Emma. I promise that you won't regret it."

"I need to be clear about one thing," Emma told him gently but assertively. "I'm still planning on going to New York. That hasn't changed."

"I understand," Jake nodded. "I'll pick you up tomorrow at 6:30,"

"I should really get inside," Emma told him, as a shiver worked its way through her body. "I'm quite cold, and more than a little tired."

Jake nodded and released his hold on Emma's hands. "Get some rest, Emma. I'll see you tomorrow."

"Have a good night," Emma bid him.

"You too," he told her with a bow. "Have a good night, Snow, Charming," he bid her parents as he quickly retreated to his car, satisfied that he'd achieved the desired outcome. He gave one final wave as he slipped into his car, and quickly turned over the ignition. The engine roared to life, and in no time at all, he was speeding away.

"You just couldn't help yourself, could you?" Emma asked her mom, as she turned towards her, her eyes full of a certain fire. She felt like she'd been played, and it wasn't a good feeling. Not at all.

"What do you mean?!" Snow asked, her voice and expression all full of an innocence that Emma knew she lacked. Snow could be extremely cunning when she wanted to be. "Was anything I said to him untrue?"

"N-No," Emma stuttered, "But it..."

"Emma," Snow said the word condescendingly, as if she knew what was best for the blonde. "Look, you've got a date to the ball, honey. I just want you to be happy. So, why aren't you happier about this?"

"I _am_ ," Emma stressed the word, hoping desperately that she could fake that particular emotion well enough to convince her mom of it. "I am happy. It's just that all of that was more than a little humiliating, okay? I'm a grown woman. I can make my own decisions regarding my love life. I just don't want you to feel like you have to go out of your way to set me up with anyone."

"I don't feel obligated to do anything," Snow told her, reassuringly. "I _wanted_ to do it. Emma, you seem to like Jake an awful lot. And I think that sometimes, when you're on the brink of finally getting everything you want, you self-sabotage. I'm just trying to help you, honey."

"I appreciate that, Mom," Emma smiled, forcing herself to swallow down her pride. "Thank you."

* * *

 _Sunday, November 8_ _th_ _, 2015; 7:02p.m._

 _Town Hall_

 _Main St., Storybrooke, Maine_

 _Regina's POV_

"Regina," David spoke as he approached her cautiously, stepping slowly and gracefully towards the corner in which she now stood with a glass of champagne clutched in her elegantly gloved hand. She had a feeling that she would be hitting the drinking pretty hard this evening.

Regina paid Charming little mind, though it was hard for her to put him out of her mind completely, with his endless badgering. She had seen him making his way over towards her, ages ago. After all, his outfit was anything but subtle. He was in full Enchanted Forest costume, with a sword latched to his hip by a belt gilded in both gold and platinum. The only thing that seemed to be missing, was the crown he used to wear.

For once in her life, Regina had no idea what to do. She had idea how to approach the upsetting situation she currently found herself in. After all, there were no words to describe the pain she felt as she watched Emma stride up to the door arm in arm with a man she both respected and envied. It hadn't been an accident that she happened to be waiting by the doors when the blonde arrived. And so it was like a knife to her heart when she saw the way Jake lead Emma into the ballroom, with his face full of an affection and beaming confidence that Regina was sure she could never fully compete with.

As they walked in, Jake's hand had been gently pressed against the small of Emma's back, and it took everything in Regina to keep herself from forcefully wrenching his hand away.

And Emma. Oh god, Emma was a completely different matter.

To be honest, Regina was pretty sure that her heart had stopped briefly as she caught her first glimpse of Emma tonight. Her jaw had actually fallen open as her eyes took in the perfect off one shoulder emerald dress that left little to the imagination, while still appearing to be the very epitome of classiness. Regina had let her eyes hungrily rake over every place she knew she shouldn't be looking. In the back of her mind, she knew that Emma wanted her to look…to see. Emma had to want to drive Regina mad in some twisted way. And boy, did she.

Regina remembered feeling as if she might very well faint when her and Emma's eyes met for the first time this night. Regina could still feel the heat of wanting igniting in her very core, as Emma gave her a sultry, teasing smile. Regina can remember the sudden realization she'd come to, and the subsequent embarrassment flushing her face and body, as she realized that the blonde wasn't hers. Still, despite her best efforts to keep her feelings for the blonde, deep in the recesses of her mind, where it could not be touched, Regina still couldn't deny the fact that she wanted her. God, she wanted the blonde beauty so very badly.

Frankly, Regina was glad that someone else had distracted Jake, because otherwise the former Queen might have been sporting a black eye during the rest of the banquet. Emma's lean, muscular legs looked as if they went on forever in those shimmering silver high heels. The truth is, Regina had never seen anything so exquisite. Emma was positively radiant, her skin practically glowing, and Regina was not the only one who seemed to realize this. Countless others stared after the blonde wistfully. Regina still felt guilty for feeling like such an uncontrolled teenager driven by a pure, primal, unrestrained love and lust for the woman who had become her good friend.

 _Do ya?_ _  
_ _Do you think about me?_ _  
_ _And, do ya?_ _  
_ _Do you feel the same way, babe?_ _  
_ _And, do ya?_ _  
_ _Do you remember how we felt?_ _  
_ _'Cause I do_ _  
_ _So listen to me, baby_

Regina wondered how she'd come to be in this situation. For the past few days, Regina had gone out of her way to avoid her friend. The brunette wondered how she'd reached this own state of being. She just was. She existed, but she felt empty inside. Regina could only swallow over the painful lump in her throat as she thought about how much she wished she could be somewhere…anywhere else.

Regina felt the jealous burn in her heart, as her eyes darted back to the floor. She felt strange as she stared at the pale skinned beauty from across the room, watching as she twirled happily around the dance floor encircled tightly in Jake's arms. Emma looked positively stunning, and Regina had to remind herself to breathe as her eyes raked hungrily over every inch of her, as if she could survive solely on the sight of the blonde. Regina wondered if Emma could feel her eyes on her from across the room, because every so often she would look around searching the crowd for someone. Regina wasn't sure _who_ it was the blonde was looking for. The chances were that it was Henry, that the blonde was looking after. A part of Regina hoped that it might be her that the blonde was looking for, but she couldn't let herself admit that it might actually be true. After all, she couldn't bear to let herself get her hopes up. Not when possibility of being let down seemed like it might very well _kill_ Regina, and shatter her very soul.

A groan escaped from Regina's lips as she quickly gave up. She closed her eyes, allowing herself to slip into the fantasy.

She could practically hear Emma's moans and whimpers as she hiked up that hip hugging skirt of hers.

 _And I'm not trying to ruin your happiness,_

 _But darling don't you know that,_ _  
_ _I'm the only one for ya?_ _  
_ _And I'm not trying to ruin your happiness, baby_ _  
_ _But darling don't you know that,_ _  
_ _I'm the only one, yeah?_

Regina was torn from her fantasy by a touch that didn't belong. Her eyes opened slowly to find Charming standing close by.

"Regina," he sighed, "I've been looking for you all evening."

"Oh," Regina tried to sound cool and composed. But the truth was that she seemed to be running a thousand degrees at the moment. "And why would that be?"

"You mean you don't know?" he said uneasily. "Listen, Regina, I'm sorry to have to tell you this, but Emma came here with Jake this evening."

"Of course I know that, you _idiot_ ," Regina snapped. "I was waiting for her at the fucking doors!"

"Oh," Charming's mouth was working overtime as his mind struggled to catch up with this new information.

"Yeah," Regina chuckled, though the sound was full of nothing but pain, "Oh."

"Shit, Regina," Charming told her sincerely. "I-I'm so sorry. I should have tried to warn you. I can only imagine how it must've felt to…"

"You don't have to imagine," Regina told him seriously, as her voice became filled with a passion he hadn't heard in a long time, "Because I'll tell you exactly how it felt, David. I felt devastated… _devastated_ and _jealous_ as all hell. In fact, I _wanted_ to pull her into my arms and kiss her senseless just to make a fucking point! How dare he?! How dare he touch her like that?"

"Good," he said as he recognized the fight in her. He knew now that he was wrong to be afraid. Regina loved Emma, and she was willing to fight for her. He could see it now, clear as day. "You're angry. You should be angry. Use it!"

"You did this!" Regina said as she glared at him with a newfound, blazing hatred. He instantly took a step back as he saw the pain and hurt flare in Regina's eyes. It wasn't that he felt threatened. He knew that she would never hurt him. She loved him and appreciated how close they'd become too much for that. But it didn't stop him from being taken aback.

"No…No," Charming shook his head. "I swear on my life that I had nothing to do with it. You _know_ that I would _never_ intentionally hurt you like that, Regina. Look, Snow sort of went over my head. And by the time I realized what was happening, it was too late for me to do anything. Emma felt guilty about it all, and caved. She still very much _wants_ to be what her mom wants her to be."

 _And, do ya?_ _  
_ _Do you think about me at all?_ _  
_ _And, do you_ _  
_ _Do you feel the same way? Oh Tell me, babe_ _  
_ _And, do ya?_ _  
_ _Do you remember how we felt?_ _  
_ _'Cause I do_ _  
_ _So listen to me, now_ _  
_ _Woah oh oh oh_

"And so she would pretend? She would honestly pretend to want some guy just to please Snow?" Regina asked him. Then, Charming hit her with a reply so unexpected and shocking it felt like a punch to the gut.

"What do you think she was doing with Hook, Regina?" Charming asked, his eyes all full of knowledge. "Surely, you've realized by now that she didn't _love_ him. Not _really_ anyways. She just acted like she did, because I seemed to care about him like a son."

"W-What?!" the thought honestly had never occurred to Regina before.

"Emma told me not too long ago that she has been in love with you since Neverland," David revealed gently. Then he punctuated the importance of it by repeating the word, "Neverland, Regina! That fact leads me to only one conclusion. And that is that she didn't love Hook. Sure, she might have cared about him, but you already had possession of her heart."

"That- That _idiot_!" Regina hissed. "I could strangle her right now! Why would she tell you that, and not me? She- She never told _me_ that!"

"I figured as much," Charming said. "Why do you think that I'm telling you?" Then. "For the love of god, Regina, please don't let this newfound information go to waste. My point in telling you all of this, is that Emma has had to lie to everyone for so long already. She deserves to be true to herself, for once. That's all I want. Look, I- I know that Snow and I differ on the best methods to achieve it, but all we really _want_ is for our daughter to be happy. You make her happy, Regina. I know that might be a little hard to believe sometimes, but it's the truth."

Regina nodded, her mind silently starting to work overtime, as her eyes found the blonde in the crowd once again. Regina felt her heart stutter in her chest as Emma's bubbling laugh reverberated over the noise of the crowd.

 _Somebody said you got a new friend_ _  
_ _Does he love you better than I can?_ _  
_ _There's a big black sky over my town_ _  
_ _I know where you're at, I bet he's around_

"I'll leave you alone with your thoughts," he told her as he gave her hand a reassuring squeeze and then departed. "Good luck," she faintly heard his voice encourage her as he walked away.

 _And yeah, I know it's stupid_ _  
_ _But I just gotta see it for myself_

Regina swallowed, as she watched Jake pull Emma close in a daring gesture. Regina felt something unpleasant stir inside of her chest as Emma's eyes locked on his. The heat, and the excruciating pain of knowing that she was slowly losing the blonde to someone else, felt extremely raw, and it was hard to stomach. To be honest, it felt like she was being slowly gutted alive, and Regina could barely keep herself from taking action. As a consequence, her hand began squeezing so tightly around the flute of champagne that she was surprised the glass hadn't shattered yet. Slowly Jake pulled Emma closer, leaning down as if to take something that belonged to him. Regina was forced to tear her eyes away, as lips pressed together in a searing kiss. She couldn't… She just couldn't watch anymore. She was already fighting impulses of destruction. If she saw anymore, she might not be able to fight those impulses any longer. In the same moment, however, she hated tearing her eyes away from the beautiful woman that she loved.

 _I'm in the corner, watching you kiss him, oh oh oh_ _  
_ _I'm right over here, why can't you see me, oh oh oh_ _  
_ _And I'm giving it my all, but I'm not the one you're taking home, ooh_ _  
_ _I keep dancing on my own_

Regina let out a sigh full of pain, as she took another sip of champagne.

"They make a wonderful couple, don't they?" a warm voice had Regina jumping. Her eyes shot open widely, as Snow stepped closer.

"Yeah," Regina muttered bitterly, hoping that Snow didn't pick up on her true feelings.

"I think there might be some wedding bells in the near future," Snow told her. And Regina had to hold back a growl.

"You don't look like you're enjoying yourself very much," Snow spoke in a gentle voice. "Have you been lurking in the corner this whole time?"

"Mmm," Regina hummed as she took another sip of her champagne, opting not to comment.

 _I just wanna dance all night_ _  
_ _And I'm all messed up, I'm so out of line, yeah_ _  
_ _Stilettos and broken bottles_ _  
_ _I'm spinning around in circles_ _  
_ _And I'm in the corner, watching you kiss him, oh_ _  
_ _I'm right over here, why can't you see me, oh_ _  
_ _And I'm giving it my all, but I'm not the one you're taking home, ooh_ _  
_ _I keep dancing on my own_ _  
_ _And oh no_

"Mom!" Henry blurted as he suddenly appeared, running an amusing sort of interference. "I've been looking for you!"

"Henry!" Snow gasped as she took in the sight of him. "Wow! Look at you! You look wonderful. Who would have known that you'd make such a gallant knight? And how did I not realize how very much you'd grown up, until just now?"

"Thanks," Henry said with a subtle bow. Regina nearly laughed, as her son blushed a deep shade of scarlet. Then he seemed to remember why he was there.

"Listen, Grandma," he said as he addressed her, "I'm sorry to interrupt, as I know that you were hoping to talk to my mom, but- but I really need her advice. It's about Violet. Do you think my mom and I could have a moment alone?"

"Sure," Snow nodded, spurred on by the respect he addressed her with. After all, how could you not be willing to grant someone what they asked for, when they articulated themselves so very well? "Of course, Henry, take all of the time that you need." And just like that, Snow was gone.

Regina let out a sigh of relief as she met her son's knowing expression.

"How did you know I needed rescuing?" Regina asked him, to which Henry's answer was only to laugh.

"Geez, mom, I could see your deer in the headlights look from halfway across the room," Henry finally told her. "You know, someone might think that you were losing your touch." Regina couldn't stop the laugh from escaping as she bumped shoulders with her son. She was so unbelievably happy that they could still be so close, after such a turbulent last year.

"Hush, you," Regina told him, although the mirth and laughter in her eyes was enough to tell him that she was joking. "Didn't I ever teach you to respect your elders?"

"Yes, ma'am," Henry replied with a mocking bow, and a knowing twinkle in his beautiful green eyes.

"So did you actually need some advice, or was that just some sort of cover?" Regina asked him.

"Just a cover," Henry replied. "Though I do have some advice to give to _you_."

"Oh, you do, do you?" Regina asked out of surprise, as she met her young prince's eyes.

"Yeah," Henry said daringly, before clearing his throat. He gathered as much courage as he could, and then spoke again. "Go ask Ma for a dance," Henry told her.

"Hen…" Regina started protesting.

"No!" he burst out in a heated whisper, his expression suddenly serious and impatient. "Just what is it that you are waiting for? How can you possibly stand here and watch her slip away from you like this? But most importantly, how could you _possibly_ let her walk out of your life after everything she said."

"You heard?" Regina's eyes widened in horror.

"Yes," he told her. "And before you yell at me for eavesdropping, you should know that I wasn't trying to, okay? It was just sort of an accident." He swallowed. "And I have to say that I can't _believe_ you. If someone had said to me, a tenth of what Ma said to you, there's no way in hell that I would have let her walk away. Hell, there's just no way I'd let her leave. Ever. So what on earth is the _matter_ with you?"

"Have you forgotten who you're speaking to?" Regina asked him in surprise, as she struggled to take in what he was saying. He'd spoken a mile a minute, so she felt like she was still catching up with him. The truth is, she hadn't been prepared for his words at all. She knew that he was trying to help her, but his words hurt- they hurt in a way she couldn't possibly describe. And she reckoned that it hurt so damned much, because she _knew_ he was _right_.

"No, of course not," he replied honestly. "Look, you're my mother, okay? And it's _because_ of that, that I'm speaking to you like this. You forget. I- I know you, mom. And I know you _better_ than _anyone_ else, except for Emma. I know how afraid you are of putting yourself out there, but I'm here to tell you completely and unequivocally that you simply _cannot_ let the best thing in your life walk out of it. Not like this. You deserve better than that. You simply cannot squander your _true_ chance at happiness. I know that you're afraid, but you have to write your own story. You do want to, don't you?"

"Y-Yes," Regina exhaled, all too aware how the word quavered in her throat. "I do. I do want that. _So_ much."

"Then go get her," Henry told her. "Go get her, mom!"

"Take this," Regina ordered Henry as she handed him her champagne. She caught him as he lifted the glass incrementally towards his lips. "And don't you dare drink so much as a single sip of that or I _will_ eviscerate you. I don't care if you _are_ my son. You will not touch booze until you are of drinking age or so help-".

"Okay…okay," Henry said as he slowly backed away. Then, they both spontaneously burst out into laughter.

"Okay," Regina laughed, relenting, "Maybe you could have just one."

"Really?" Henry looked genuinely surprised.

"Yeah," she gave a resolute nod. "I think you've earned it."

"Thanks. I love you, mom."

"And I love you, Henry, so _so_ much," Regina told him with tears in her eyes. "Thank you for the pep talk." How had she not realized how much he'd grown up? She'd been so worried about raising him that she didn't realize that she already had. Her and Emma had raised a fine young man, and it made her heart feel like it was about to burst.

"Anytime," he said with a heart-warming smile. "Now go get your girl."

Regina straightened her dress, and took a shaking step towards the dance floor. For whatever reason, the first step is always the hardest. But once she was in motion, it was the easiest thing in the world. If anything, she had to keep herself from running towards her. She took one breath than another and another as she quickly closed the distance between them.

 _So far away, but still so near_  
 _The lights come up, the music dies_

Regina came to a sudden stop as the song finished, and the quartet started to take up another. Then she started into motion again, and sped up her pace. As she grew nearer, she could hear Jake's warm voice speaking over the music. Emma was held tightly against him, her arm around his back, while Jake hunched forwards in order to talk directly into Emma's ear.

"So I was thinking," Regina overheard him speak, "What if we tried the long distance thing, after all?"

Emma seemed oblivious to the fact that they had an interloper. Regina couldn't bear to listen to another word. She instantly cleared her throat as loudly as possible, hoping against hope that she would catch the blonde's attention before Emma gave her reply. Thankfully, it worked. Emma's eyes shot open, and instantly flew to Regina's, without any sort of thought. Regina watched Emma suck in a deep breath, before the blonde suddenly jerked away from Jake as if she were suddenly repelled by him.

"Regina," Emma muttered breathlessly, as Emma addressed her.

"I'm sorry for interrupting," Regina replied, her voice full of a civility that she didn't remotely feel. What the hell was she doing, anyway? The Regina Mills that Emma knew and loved, didn't apologize, did she? She stood up for herself. "I hope I didn't interrupt anything important."

"Not at all," Jake replied, with a curt nod. "What can we do for you, Regina?"

"Actually, I was kind of hoping for a dance," Regina told him.

"Oh, of course…of course," he replied in a gentlemanly manner, as he turned to Emma, "Would you mind, Emma?"

Regina met Emma's eyes knowingly, and the blonde swallowed thickly.

"Actually, I was hoping for a dance with Emma," Regina told him, as her eyes remained on her lover's.

"Oh."

Regina couldn't keep herself from smiling as she registered the sound of surprise in Jake's voice. Well, she decided, if the buffoon still had no earthly idea about the relationship and the bond she shared with Emma, he was about to.

"Sure," he stated evenly and calmly. "I was feeling a bit thirsty anyways." He addressed Emma with a warm smile. "Have fun."

As he walked away, Regina couldn't stop herself from muttering an insult under her breath.

 _The smug bastard._

"Hi," Emma breathed with a shy smile, as she regarded Regina with a knowing look.

"Hi," Regina returned with a graceful bow. Emma's heart fluttered nervously as she took Regina in. She was all too aware that it was a bow, and not a curtsy that Regina had given her. "Would you do me the honor of a dance, Miss Swan?"

"Oh, please," Emma told her, as she stared back with a teasing smile, "Do tell me that we haven't gone back to _those_ formalities. Or should I start calling you, your majesty?"

"For god's sakes, Emma," Regina shot back, her eyes and expression full of teasing affection, "We both _know_ that you secretly love calling me by my former title."

"If I tell you why, will you promise not to think less of me?" Emma said, as she daringly pulled the brunette into her arms, and spun them around, as if they'd been dancing together forever and it was the easiest and most natural thing in the world.

"I would never think less of you," Regina husked in Emma's ear, as the blonde spun them around and around. She was all too aware of the shiver that this earned her, as the two of them moved effortlessly around the dance floor, avoiding the other couples. Regina could feel countless eyes on them, but she didn't care. "Emma, tell me that you know that. Tell me you know that I would never think less of-".

"But you do, don't you?" Emma asked her, as she met Regina's eyes properly. " _Don't_ you think less of me for showing up here with _him_?"

"No," Regina answered honestly, her throat thick with emotions that she knew the blonde would understand. "Your father explained what happened. I understand that you felt _compelled_ to say yes."

"I'm sorry if it hurt you," Emma told her sincerely as she held Regina's suddenly warm expressive brown eyes. "The last thing I would ever want is to hurt you, Regina."

"I won't say that it didn't hurt," Regina told her. "But none of that matters right now; Not when I'm here, dancing in your arms."

"I thought that when I didn't hear anything from you-"

"No," Regina's voice quavered on the word. Then she tried again, this time with a stronger voice, "No, Emma. Wherever your thoughts went, I can promise you that it wasn't anywhere remotely close to the truth. I was- I was trying to give you space. You said to take as long as I wanted."

"I did," Emma confirmed. But Regina could tell by the blonde's expression that the blonde hadn't really expected Regina to delay.

"Emma, that's the thing. The truth is, that I - I could've answered you that very moment," Regina said honestly, her eyes shimmering with tears, "I could have responded the very moment that those words passed from your lips." Emma let out a sated sigh and let her head drop to Regina's shoulder. "I knew then exactly what I wanted. Because it never changed. For the longest time, I've only wanted one thing, and that thing is _you_."

"God," Regina breathed, her voice a breathy sigh, "You look so beautiful tonight that you make my heart feel like it's about to beat it's way out of my chest. Tonight, when I first saw you…"

"Yeah?" Emma said with a knowing smile as she lifted her head from Regina's shoulder.

"Fuck, Emma, I could've taken you then," Regina confessed. "I _wanted_ to...I still do."

"That good, huh?" Regina smacked Emma's shoulder.

"Since when have you gotten so smug?" Regina said. "Let me guess, it's because that bumbling oaf has been feeding your already massive ego."

"Shut up!" Emma said, as her throat opened in a laugh. "If anyone has a problem with ego, here, it's you."

"You take that back!" Regina threatened. "You take it back right now, Emma!" To which Emma's only response was boisterous laughter.

"Stop laughing," Regina ordered with another gentle smack to Emma's shoulder, "I'm _seriously_ mad at you right now." Emma's only response was that her laughter increased in volume.

"At least I know that you're not thoroughly pissed at me, yet," Emma told her, "Because if you were, you would've called me Miss Swan, and not _Emma_." Then thoughtfully, she added. "Who would've ever thought at our first meeting that we would end up here, dancing and laughing together?"

"That was a strange night," Regina commented, "I was so relieved that Henry was home again that I don't think I ever appreciated how extraordinary you were…especially in my capacity to feel things for you."

"I wasn't talking about that night," Emma told her. "I was…I was actually talking about the Ball."

"What ball? The one in Camelot?" Regina questioned again.

"No," Emma's good mood seemed to deflate rapidly. "No, It was- I'm talking about the one in the Enchanted Forest, when Killian and I were sucked into Zelena's time portal."

"Oh, then I'm afraid that I-"

"Don't remember," Emma said in a near whisper, "Yeah, of course you wouldn't. I think it would've been close to thirty-five years ago for you now."

"Emma," Regina sighed, "Listen, I wish I did remember. I really wish that I-," Regina's voice cut off as the music did. She wasn't sure how the dance and the song had passed so quickly, but it had. Slowly, Emma pulled back, attempting to mask her emotions in a way that made Regina wish that she didn't.

"It's okay," Emma told her. "I don't even know what made me think of it to be honest, but I think it's still so fresh in my mind, because-," Emma shook her head, cutting herself off. "Nevermind," Emma said as she saw Jake approaching. "Thanks for the dance, Regina."

"Hey," Jake greeted the two of them, but Regina was stuck in her own little world.

"Hi," Emma greeted him. "I'm sorry, but I need to step out for a moment. I'll be right back." Regina felt coldness seep into her, as Emma's hand slid from her's. Regina's hand fell back to her side, feeling empty and cold. Regina looked after the blonde as she started weaving her way through the crowd, heading her way towards the main doors.

She wanted so desperately to remember what Emma was talking about, their first meeting. But- But how? There were so many memories to sift through, so many thoughts, and it was driving her mad. Why couldn't she? Why couldn't she remember the thing that meant so much to Emma? Then it hit her, in a way and manner that had her sucking in a sharp breath. Oh my god. Emma!

Regina started running after the blonde as fast as she possibly could in her heels. She nearly tripped several times, but she couldn't let the blonde get away. Not now. Finally, Regina spotted her in the crowd.

"Emma!" Regina shouted over the music and chatter just as she reached the blonde. She reached for Emma's hand and tugged it as she repeated the blonde's name, the sound all full of desperation. "Emma, wait!" And Regina pulled as hard as she could. Emma spun around so quickly that Regina was sure that she would have fallen, had Regina not been there to direct her movements. The blonde gasped in surprise as lips collided, and Emma's eyes fluttered closed. She was all too aware of the feeling of Regina's lips on hers, and the warmth that spread through her very soul with the single touch. Regina released Emma's hand, in favor of threading her fingers through the blonde's hair. All she could hear was the sounds of their labored breaths as they moved together, against each other, and back. Eyes fluttered open and closed in what could only be described as ecstasy, as they drowned in feelings that had built over so long. Feelings that were overwhelming and mesmerizing, because of the sheer depth of them. And they finally let themselves feel it purely, unabashedly. They laid it out there for all to see. And boy, did they see!

"Emma!" A shout from the crowd broke them out of their reverie. Emma's eyes opened in a panic, as the sound of Snow's hysterical shout reached them for the first time. It was only when Regina opened her eyes for the first time that she realized why everything had seemed so silent. The music had stopped- everything had just stopped. It was why it had been so easy for them to get lost in their own world. Somehow, every eye in the ballroom was now on them.

"I remember," Regina told Emma, desperately, as tears seeped from her eyes. "Emma, I- I remember."

"Emma," Emma suddenly felt herself being pulled in two different directions, as Snow's accusatorial voice is hitting her in the same way that punches would, "What- What on earth is the meaning of this? What is going on between you and Regina?"

"Mom," Emma's voice is small, as she combats all of her worst fears.

"Tell _her_ ," Regina found herself pleading, as she reached for Emma's hand in a gesture of comfort. Emma's eyes met Regina's own, and a look of immense understanding passed between them. Then, Emma hesitated. Regina could see the fight or flight instinct at work in the blonde's eyes, and for a fraction of a moment, Regina thought for sure that Emma was about to turn her back on them, on what they had. But the blonde surprised her.

The truth was, Emma _always_ surprised her, from their very first meeting to now. Regina never quite knew what the blonde would do. And she loved that about Emma.

"I'm in _love_ with her, Mom," Emma said as she squeezed Regina's hand even more tightly in her own. "I'm in love with her. I-I'm sorry that this is how you had to find out. But I'm done denying how I feel about this woman. I'm done hiding in the light of day. It- It nearly killed me having to do that."

"Wh…what?" Snow stuttered, and in the same moment, Regina's heart was soaring. She felt elation- happiness in a way that she never quite had before. Sure, she'd come extremely close to feeling this way each time she was with Emma, but in a lot of ways that was different. It was different because it was _always_ concealed behind closed doors, with no other soul around to see. This- This _felt_ different.

"I promised Killian that I would start living again," Emma told her mother. "I promised him that I wouldn't be afraid to be who I truly was anymore."

"But this isn't the way for a Princess to act, Emma," Snow told her. "Princesses are supposed to love a Prince."

"I can't have this conversation with you right now, Mom," Emma told her. "Look, I could easily stand here for the rest of my days telling you all about my feelings, and you _still_ wouldn't understand. I was never a Princess. And I never _will_ be. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, but I refuse to be what you want. It would- It would kill me, Mom." Emma looked up and addressed all of the onlookers. "I'm sorry that I _can't_ _be_ what all of you _want_ me to be." Then, Emma was wrenching her hand from Regina's and was rushing out the doors.

Regina took in Snow's shocked expression for a fraction of a moment, before her body sprang into action. She gave chase almost immediately, streaking off after the blonde without thought. As she reached the doors, she paused just briefly in order to wrench the heels from her feet. After all, she had no hope of catching up to the blonde in her atrocious heels. She tossed them away and kept running. Her breaths came heavy and fast in her lungs as she started gaining on the blonde.

"Emma!" Regina shouted, her voice full but breathless. "Emma!"

Emma whirled around, her eyes taking in the sight of the brunette rushing to meet her. Emma started back towards her, and quickly the space between them diminished. The blonde reached out for her just as the two of them collided together again in the middle of the hallway, their mouths a tangle of lips, teeth, and tongue. The kiss was desperate and full of promise, a lifetime of promise.

Regina tugged Regina towards the nearest office, and opened the door, pulling the blonde inside with an insistent tug. Emma moaned into Regina's mouth as the door slammed shut behind them, and she felt Regina's hands on her face, drawing her into one deep kiss after another. Suddenly, Regina forced herself to wrench her mouth away, as her wide, expressive deep brown eyes bore into Emma's own.

"I'm so…fucking proud of you," Regina told her through tears as she wiped away Emma's own. "And I love you so much that I promise that I will try to give you enough love for everybody."

"You said that you remembered?" Emma breathed aloud, her chest heaving with feeling and adrenaline.

"I don't know why it took me so long," Regina said with a laugh, "I thought about the woman in the red dress for years. I dreamt about her. I don't know how I never put two and two together up until now, but I- I'm so _happy_ it was you." Emma's response was to pull her into another thorough kiss, which was both desperate and hungry. Regina moaned, and flicked her wrist in order to lock the door, sealing them away from the rest of the world. When their mouths separated, once more, Regina was forced to ask. "Do you intend to keep those promises that you're making with those kisses? Or should we stop?"

"Fuck, Regina," Emma laughed as she pulled the woman closer, "Do you really need to ask that?"

"I'm merely looking for some sort of consent in the form of some words, before we-" Regina was cut off as Emma's mouth took possession of her own. Regina moaned wantonly into Emma's mouth as she felt the blonde's tongue seek out her own. Emma turned them. Regina opened her eyes, in order to see Emma backing her towards the lone desk in the room. Regretfully, Regina ended the kiss.

"Hold on," Regina ordered, as she reached behind her and swept everything from the desk's surface without a single thought for its contents. Then she turned them, and reached behind Emma's thighs. In a feat of strength, Regina lifted the blonde up and deposited her on the smooth surface.

"Regina…" Emma gasped as she felt Regina's lips on her neck. The ministrations weren't as premeditated and deliberate as they once were when they first started this affair. If anything, the actions were chaotic. The brunette's lips and teeth were everywhere and anywhere that the brunette could reach. Emma let out a moan as Regina found that spot behind her ear in a way that made the blonde shiver, and started sucking there. "Oh god," Emma hissed as Regina squeezed the muscular flesh under the blonde's thighs. Emma reached up to the back of the brunette's neck and held her there; relishing the feeling of Regina's lips…everywhere.

"Regina will do just fine, dear," Regina husked against her, her voice thick and gritted with unhinged arousal.

"Fuck," Emma groaned. "H-How long has it been?"

"1 month, 17 days, 2 minutes, and 37 seconds," Regina told her breathlessly, "Correction. Make that 38 seconds."

Regina tugged, using her grip on the blonde's thighs in order to tug Emma back to the edge of the desk. There, her hands started tugging up the hem of Emma's dress. Emma's head fell back as she felt Regina's palm start gliding up her smooth, muscular, left thigh towards her swollen and aching center.

"You counted?" Emma asked in amazement.

"You're damn right, I counted," Regina told her. "I thought I'd never have you again. I had- I had to remember. For both of us."

"I love you," Emma said, her voice so full of sincerity that Regina decided that she could live off of that feeling, if she had to. Regina took Emma's mouth in another searing kiss, as her fingertips finally brushed damp silk.

"Somebody wants me just as badly," Regina said with her voice full of a certain kind of smugness that came with being wanted and needed in such a way.

"You owe me a new pair of underwear," Emma told her.

"Fine," Regina acquiesced. "Then I'm keeping _these_ ," she told Emma as she started tugging the thong down Emma's long legs. Her actions hit a momentary roadblock, when the fabric got hooked on one of Emma's heels, but Regina gave another tug and then they were free.

"Kinky," Emma joked as she met Regina's gaze.

"You have no idea what sort of kink I'm into, my dear," Regina laughed. "Oh, wait…" Regina said thoughtfully a mere moment later, "I think you actually kind of do."

"Are you gonna stand there and feed me lines, or are you gonna do someth…" Emma let out a long distracted moan as Regina pushed into her for the first time in what felt like ages.

"Don't ever say that I don't follow through on my promises, Em-ma," Regina husked into her ear, as she sucked the lobe of her right ear into her mouth. Emma let out another moan as Regina, started to move inside of her. First, pulling out ever so slightly, before burying herself all the way back in, with a curl of her fingertips.

This earned a punctuated, "Fuck," from the blonde. The blonde's hands were suddenly at the brunette's shoulders, scrabbling for some sort of hold on the invaluable woman, as the brunette started to passionately take her. Regina pulled back for a ravenous breath, before diving in once more. Mouths collided in a hungry kiss that mimicked Regina's ministrations in a way that quickly and effectively ratcheted up Emma's desire. Muscles inside of Emma started to quiver as they became desperate to cling to Regina's slender and masterful fingers. Regina could feel each feeble contraction as the blonde's cries grew louder and less restrained.

"That's it, dear," Regina told her, as the blonde's eyes fluttered shut in a state of sudden euphoria. The sounds coming from Emma's throat were inarticulate, but meaningful all at once. Regina didn't know how that could be possible, but it was.

They were both jolted from what they were doing, as the sound of the doorknob jiggling echoed deafeningly through the room that they were in.

"Emma," a voice seeped through the door, as Jake pounded on it with a closed fist. "Emma, are you in there!?" Regina felt her hand still inside of her lover.

Emma's throat let out a low keening wail at the loss of what she needed and wanted.

"No," Emma nearly sobbed.

Regina pressed her lips to Emma's mouth and swallowed the sound, afraid that they would be found out.

"Shh," she cooed as her hand picked up its motion again. "I've got you. I've got you, Emma, I promise." She started thrusting harder and harder into her lover, as she pressed her other hand over Emma's mouth in order to stifle the sound of the blonde's cries. Even so, the sounds seemed to pass through her flesh as they increased in frequency and volume. Emma's eyes nearly rolled back in her head as her desire was lifted up higher and higher without any promise of ever coming back down. Emma had once told Regina it was possible for women to have an hour long orgasm, and Emma silently wondered if that's what the brunette was aspiring to achieve just now. Emma felt her body coil itself tighter and tighter around the brunette's fingers, as if they were the very center of the universe. Emma's thighs quaked and quivered as she grew closer and closer to the precipice.

Regina, wanting to make Emma's world utterly explode in a way she never had before twisted, and pulled Emma's insides. She worked tirelessly, with sweat building on her own face and body, as the brunette became little more than a mass of quivering, pulsing need herself. Still, the blonde's need was at the forefront. This was about giving Emma everything she had, and making her feel love and passion in a way they'd both fought for so long.

When Emma felt the first sweep of Regina's thumb over her clit, she just about died. Actually, she's pretty sure that there wasn't any doubt. She just _died_.

She must've because the next thing she knew, it was like waking up from a dream. Her breaths were quick and shallow. Stars flashed behind her eyelids, as Regina cooed sweet nothings in her ear- words heavy with love, draped in immense feeling.

"God, you're so beautiful," Regina whispered, with warm puffs of air accompanying the words. Slowly, Emma came back down.

"Wow." It was all Emma could say. There was no other word that she could find, as she slowly came back to the world.

"I- I think you passed out for a moment there, dear," Regina whispered smugly. "Are you okay?" she asked with feigned concern.

"Fuck you," Emma shot back unashamedly, her eyes twinkling in mirth and love.

"Well, do you think that you could?" Regina asked her, "Because I'm pretty sure my insides have turned into a quivering mass of jelly. And it's not an altogether pleasant feeling."

Emma looked to the door, speaking in a near whisper. "What do you say that we relocate our activities to somewhere a little more… _comfortable_." She didn't see Jake out there, but that didn't mean that he wasn't lingering close by.

Regina's response was to vanish them in a puff of purple smoke.

A second later, and they were materializing in Regina's bedroom.

Emma let out a hungry growl as she quickly closed the space between them, looking to make good on her own promises. She was going to make the woman feel every bit as loved as she was.

 _Everyone they say that we don't work_ _  
_ _But I could swear this is heaven yeah_ _  
_ _Every day I know that this might hurt, but I don't care_ _  
_ _This is heaven yeah_

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 **A/N: Hope that you liked it! Just as a special note, the songs I used for the inspiration of this chapter are "Ruin," by Shawn Mendes, "Dancing on my own," as covered by Calum Scott, and "Heaven," by OneRepublic. It might even give you some insight as to where this all came from, so feel free to give them a listen if you dare!**

Please hit the review button on the way out! Thanks! :)


	26. Lover of the Light

Title: Make it Without You  
Category: TV Shows » Once Upon A Time  
Author: Alwaysbringback-up  
Language: English, Rating: Rated: M (for language and sexual themes)  
Genre: Angst/General

 **Chapter 26: Light**

 **Pairing: SwanQueen**

 _ **Disclaimer: I don't own any part of the OUAT universe. All characters belong to Adam and Eddie, the show's creators. I promise that my writing is done purely for recreational purposes only. No ill harm is intended.**_

 _ **A/N: Hey, guys! So I'm sorry it's been a little while since I promised to update, but I've been working on this chapter for the better part of a week. In all honestly, it's been a bit of a struggle for me, but I'm proud to say that I did get it done (in the end). I was torn between what direction to go from here. But given that some huge leaps were taken in the last chapter, I wanted to continue that and build upon it. This was the result! I do hope that you guys truly enjoy this chapter, as a lot of work went into it. I still haven't decided exactly how long this story is going to be, but I expect it'll be closer to 30 chapters long. Without further ado, I'll let you get to it!  
**_

 _ **Warning: this chapter is heavy on sexual themes, so it is definitely NSFW.**_

 _ **Flaminflapjack: Aww, thank you! I am always so happy to see your name pop up in the reviews. I appreciate you always taking the time to read my update! It means so much to me! I'm sorry that you had to wait so long for the last update. It just took me a while to get my muse back.**_

 _ **juliette101: Hello, friend! Thanks! It's good to be back. I'm glad that you liked the last chapter so much. You weren't wrong in hoping I'm going to continue this. As I said above, I'm not really sure how much longer this fic will be, but there will be a bit more! Thanks so much for reading.**_

 _ **Serchingapples: I dearly hope that this is a turning point for them both, as well. I really like this chapter, because I think we're taking steps that were long overdue. Communication in any relationship is key. We see them start to do that here. We don't see any Snow in this chapter, but I do promise that we will see a resolution between them in the near future.**_

 _ **JhosyLephor: You're very welcome for the update! I'm so very glad to be back! :)**_

 _ **SweetSQ: I'm glad that you found the ending hot! I did put a lot of work into making it so. I still feel a little inadequate writing those scenes sometimes, but I am working on getting better at it. I'm glad everyone knows now, too. I couldn't help but feel it was about damned time. Snow, though her intentions are great, does get stuck in the past. But I do think that she will come around and realize that Emma's happiness comes first! Thank you so much for your review! I dearly hope that you will like this chapter!**_

 _ **Fiend89: Yep! Snow knows! We won't get to see any resolution in this chapter, but it's coming soon!**_

 _ **Kpop1392as: Thank you so much for your review! It made me smile. Music is something that is so important to me! I really like trying to incorporate it into my stories, because it often inspires me. Sometimes it takes me a long time to find a song that fits into what I'm writing, but other times it's almost instantaneous! I also love that you read and re-read this story. It means so much to me that you like it so much! :) Thank you!**_

 _ **Amx: Your favorite story? I am so flattered I can't even put it into words. I never like leaving my stories unfinished, so I'm so very glad that I found my muse again! I really hope that you like this next chapter! And thank you so much for your review!**_

 _ **Guest: Yeah, Jake got a bit of a surprise in the last chapter. And I think it's safe to say that he might not handle the news in the best way. He and Emma are going to have a chat in the near future, where she tells him everything, so I guess we'll have to see what happens next! ;)**_

 _ **Niehausis: Here's some more! I hope you like it!**_

 ** _Guest: Aww, I'm so happy that you love this fic so much, and that me updating made you so happy! I dearly hope that you continue to like this story!_**

* * *

 _May these words be the first_  
 _To find your ears._  
 _The world is brighter than the sun_  
 _Now that you're here._  
 _Though your eyes will need some time to adjust_  
 _To the overwhelming light surrounding us,_

"I still can't believe that any of this is happening," Emma confessed in Regina's ear. Her eyes fluttered shut, and she let her head drop back against the wall with a dull thud. She was pinned against the wall, with Regina's body pressing eagerly and tightly into hers. Their bodies were seemingly desperate to transcend the simple boundaries of time and space. For too long, they had felt words apart - as if they would never be able to overcome the obstacles between them. But now? Now they both felt as if they were part of something greater- something infinitely more powerful than what they felt when they were alone. Emma couldn't breathe, as she focused on the feelings of Regina's persistent and unrelenting hands, moving against Emma's body as if they were desperate to cover every inch of the blonde's flesh. Emma had no idea when the tables had turned exactly. After all, it had fully been her intent to make Regina feel the same degree of passion and love that the older woman had made her feel only minutes ago. But at some point, Regina had taken control of them once more. And Emma- Emma was overwhelmed. She found herself surrendering to the woman who still had her every bit of her heart.

Emma could feel Regina's lips on her neck, and her pulse was starting to race out of control. She felt Regina's hands reach hungrily for the hem of Emma's dress. Emma was jolted back to the present as Regina's impatient hands started to tug at the fabric, as if she were honestly testing it in order to determine if she could rip the fabric off of Emma's body if she had to.

"Don't!" Emma was proud of herself for finding any sort of voice at all, especially with the brunette touching her as she was. Emma reached up to Regina's neck and pulled, hungrily claiming the brunette's lips with her own. With her free hand, Emma reached for Regina's hips, and turned them once more. Then Emma pushed the brunette away. Regina's eyes shot open wide, as the brunette hit the wall with a fair amount of force. She was a bit surprised at Emma's sudden forcefulness, and silently wondered if she had unknowingly crossed some sort of line.

"Don't tear the dress," Emma spoke breathlessly, but her tone of voice held a clear command, "Please don't rip it!" She wished that she were strong enough to tell Regina why the dress meant so much to her. But the fact is, when Emma thought of her mother, she couldn't help but feel as if she was going to cry.

"Emma?" Regina's voice quavered with hesitancy, as she detected something amiss in her lover for the first time since they'd started this after Emma's monumental confession at the ball. Emma squeezed her eyes shut harder and tried to shake off her sudden anxiety. Emma could feel her hands tremble and shake, as she desperately tried to hold it together long enough to offer Regina the love that the older woman very much deserved from her true love. Regina felt her breathing hitch as she realized what was wrong. Emma's ministrations, although passionate and intense, were also disjointed in a way that Regina wasn't used to. "Emma," Regina breathed as she combated the feelings of Emma's lips at her neck, and the way the blonde's hands moved over her stomach.

The blonde was clinging to her tightly, as if Regina were her sole lifeline in a sea of uncertainty. Regina's hands darted down to Emma's, instantly stilling the blonde's movements with her own. Regina's lips parted, and heavy breaths escaped her, as she tried to figure out how to handle this situation. She searched Emma's eyes frantically as she felt the violent tremor in Emma's hands for the first time. Emma tried to pull her hands out of Regina's in order to continue seducing the older woman, but it was already too late.

"Emma," Regina spoke intensely, her voice panicked, "Emma, hey, _stop_!"

For the first time in several minutes, Emma stilled. The blonde's own breaths were coming in erratic spurts. She met Regina's eyes for a long moment before she looked away in embarrassment. Their eye contact, though however brief, left Regina with little doubt as to what was going on Emma's head. The blonde's eyes had been shimmering with unshed tears.

"What?" Emma nearly whispered. She tried to hide the fact that her entire body was trembling. She quickly tried to put space between them, but Regina wouldn't allow her. She followed after the blonde, torn with indecision.

"Hey, is everything okay?" Regina asked as her hand reassuringly squeezed Emma's. "Cause you're kind of freaking me out, here."

"Why wouldn't it be?" Emma asked tremulously. "Regina, what exactly is it that you think is wrong?"

"Okay," Regina exhaled sadly. "Now I _know_ something is wrong," the brunette stated. "You're being cagey. It's never a good thing when you answer a question with a question."

"It's fine," Emma lied outright, "I'm fine."

"No. No you're _not_ ," Regina told her at the same moment that a sob broke it's way free from Emma's lips. Regina instantly pulled a quaking Emma into her own arms- wrapping them around Emma in a sort of protective prison. All thoughts of her arousal were suddenly gone. All that mattered was that she fix whatever was wrong with Emma.

"Shh," Regina soothed as she held Emma against her, "What's wrong? Emma, come on. What's going on in that head of yours? You can tell me. You _know_ you can. I'm right here. And I promise you... No matter what you might be thinking right now? I'm not going _anywhere_."

"I can't- I can't get it out of my head," Emma told her. "I've been trying, but I can't."

"Can't get what out of your head?" Regina questioned her lover patiently. She knew that Emma was on the verge of a breakdown. She was doing her best to be supportive, without setting the blonde off in any way. She'd seen Emma in the midst of a panic attack before, and she wanted to avoid that if it was at all possible. It killed her to see Emma so distraught.

"The way she looked at me," Emma told her though ragged, broken breaths, "It was just so- so full of disgust and disappointment. To see my own mother looking at me like that, I don't- I don't know how I'll ever be okay. I'm a fucking _mess_."

"Oh, Emma," Regina sighed, as she pulled the woman even more tightly against her body, attempting to offer the blonde as much comfort as she possibly could with her contact. She kissed the top of the blonde's head and breathed the woman in for a long moment. She could completely relate to how Emma was feeling. After all, her own mother had often looked at her in much the same way, for most of her life. Part of Regina resented the hell out of Snow for causing Emma pain. She knew that the woman meant well, but there was no doubt in her mind. This time the woman was in the wrong. The truth is, she wanted to scream at Snow. She wanted to wake the pixie-haired brunette up, and introduce her to the real world. Regina still didn't understand how anyone could be so naïve- how anyone could be so completely unaware of how their words and actions could affect others. Here she was, the mother to one of the most selfless and amazing human beings that Regina or the world had ever known, and Snow didn't appreciate her, because Emma didn't fit her perfect definition of what a princess should be. The woman had practically destroyed Emma with her words.

"I can understand how hurt you must feel right now, but I know…I _know_ your mother loves you Emma," Regina told her with utmost conviction, "And I think that if you give it time, she'll come around. She might even be able to show you the love and support that she _should_ _have_ the first time around."

"What if she doesn't?" Emma asked as she tried to pull away. Regina let her do so, reluctantly. She watched as Emma brushed away the tears from her cheeks.

"Then you have a father who loves and understands you," Regina told her honestly. "David and I have talked. We've talked a lot lately, and he – he loves you, Emma. He told me that all he wanted was for you to be happy. But more than _anything_ he just wants you to be _true_ to yourself." She took a breath, and then hastily added. "And you _were_ true to yourself. Tonight, you took a huge step forwards. You took a step towards your own happiness, and I meant it when I said that I was _so_ proud of you. What you did tonight took a lot of courage."

"I…" Emma held Regina's open gaze with her own. "I can't believe I'm admitting this out loud, but…I almost didn't." Emma cleared her throat. "I was so scared. I never- I never thought I would be able to do it in a million years," She confessed. "This is so stupid, but for the longest time, I honestly thought that this secret…this secret would destroy the world if I ever even dared to utter it aloud. It's why- It's why I kept it locked so tightly inside." Emma let out a laugh. "So imagine my surprise when I finally spoke the truth, and the world didn't end at all." Regina smiled then. "But instead, it feels sort of like a new beginning."

"You're smiling," Emma stated as she noticed it for the first time. The truth was, Regina looked so beautiful in that moment that it nearly took her breath away. In fact, it did. The way that Regina looked at her – her eyes so full of love for Emma – it made Emma's heart flutter wildly with hope.

"Yeah," Regina told her softly, her eyes full of a love that had no end. "Because I felt the exact same way as you did. The truth is, that I've been in love with you for as long as I can remember, but I just wasn't ready to admit the truth… much like you've been struggling to do. I spent a lot of time trying to make sense of my feelings for you. And for a long time, I was in denial. _Unfortunately_ , by the time I was finally able to sort things out, it was too late. I was forced to admire you from afar. You see, by then you were already with Hook. And god, Emma, he seemed to make you happy in a way that I convinced myself that I never could. So I spent a lot of time trying to make missing you hurt less." Regina reached up to wipe away a tear of her own.

 _I'll give you everything I have._  
 _I'll teach you everything I know._  
 _I promise I'll do better._  
 _I will always hold you close,_  
 _But I will learn to let you go._  
 _I promise I'll do better._  
 _I will soften every edge,_  
 _I'll hold the world to its best,_  
 _And I'll do better._  
 _With every heartbeat I have left_  
 _I will defend your every breath,_  
 _And I'll do better._

"You never told me," Emma spoke aloud, her tone full of pained surprise. "Regina, why did you never mention how you felt?"

"Because it was my own damned fault," Regina told her with intense conviction. "That's why. I- I felt like I deserved to suffer, as punishment for my own cowardice." Regina exhaled shakily. "I think…I think that there are a lot of things we haven't told each other, Emma. And that? That should change. Because if you and I are going to make this work- if we're truly going to be together and hope to stay that way- then we have to be able to communicate. No matter how vulnerable we feel that makes us."

"But what if we do all of those things and it _still_ doesn't work out?" Emma questioned. "Regina, I don't know if I can bear to open myself up like-". Regina couldn't keep herself from interrupting.

She decided that if she was going to do this, then she wasn't going to do it halfway. It was about damned time that she told Emma everything- every deep, dark, secret that she had. After all, she figured that Emma knew almost all of them already. But there was one thing that Emma _still_ didn't seem to understand. "Emma, I- I got _engaged_ to a man that I could hardly stand," Regina persisted, "I forced myself to live a lie for almost two years, and it was _all_ because I convinced myself it would hurt less. That wound up nearly killing me. So, no, if you think I'm going to let fear keep me away from you now, after knowing _exactly_ what it is that I'd be losing, then you really don't know anything about love."

"Regina, what?" Emma suddenly found herself unable to speak, as she realized the implications of what Regina just said. "What the hell are you trying to say? You didn't want to be with Robin?"

"You're shocked," Regina stated. She hadn't thought Emma would be so surprised. "You honestly had no idea?"

"That- That being engaged to Robin was a form of torture for you?" Emma said quietly. "No." It was so quiet in fact, it sounded like a mere whisper. "You seemed so in love. I thought that he made you happy. God, Regina, I resented the hell out of him for it. And now you're telling me- now you're telling me that it was all a lie?!"

"Emma," Regina sighed, her head bowing slightly. "It wasn't a lie. It's just that it wasn't the _truth_. But Robin and I? We've barely been speaking for a long time. And we've been sleeping in separate bedrooms for _months_."

"Now I feel like such an ass," Emma apologized, "I have no idea what I was thinking. Actually, I do. I think I wanted you to see me with Jake. And I also think that I wanted you to feel hurt, because in a way that meant that you felt something for me."

"It did hurt," Regina offered truthfully, "It hurt like hell, Emma, I won't say that it didn't."

"I'm so sorry," Emma told her. "Regina, truly, I'm sorry. Tonight, when I saw the look on your face, and knew that I caused it? All I wanted was to make it all better. All I want is you, Regina. I love you." Emma took a quavering breath. "Look, I know that it doesn't make what I did any better, but I…I hope than you can forgive me."

"There's nothing to forgive. We've both hurt each other a lot, Emma," Regina spoke. "And I-I believe out of the two of us, I've hurt you the most."

"It looks like we both have a lot of learning to do when it comes to relationships," Emma leant forwards, brushing her forehead against Regina's. "You're the first woman I've ever been with, so I do hope that you'll be patient with me. I've spent my entire life being confident that I knew exactly who I was. Now I've had to revaluate everything."

"Emma," Regina spoke knowingly, "Loving me doesn't change who you are. You're still the exact same person. You're beautiful, you're selfless, you're funny, and smart, and independent, and you're- you're such a good mother to Henry."

"I know…" Emma swallowed, "I guess what I'm trying to say is that I _feel_ different." Emma smiled. "I mean I'm actually happy and in love for the first time. So how about I actually get that out there? Regina, I am so completely and unequivocally in love with you. And I'm frustrated because I just realized I've been searching in the wrong place my entire life."

"Oh, Emma," Regina spoke tenderly, brushing her lips against Emma's. "I feel the exact same way. Just think of how much more time we could have had together if we had figured things out sooner."

"So tell me," Emma breathed, taking Regina's lips in a slow, possessive kiss. Regina moaned as Emma's tongue slipped into the warm expanse, stroking the roof of Regina's mouth. The older woman tried to extend the kiss, her hands sliding into Emma's flaxen hair. But Emma pulled back prematurely, leaving Regina wanting more. "So…tell me, Madam Mayor, just for the record- is there anyone else you're interested in? Do I have any competition? Should I feel threatened by anyone?"

"God no," Regina replied, trying to pull Emma into another passionate kiss. "I promise that you don't have to worry about anyone else. You're the only one I have eyes for, Swan."

"Who do you love?" Emma asked aloud, slipping her hands under the straps of Regina's dress. Regina closed her eyes, and moaned, as Emma ran her fingers skated over tanned flesh, burning patterns into the woman's skin. Emma started moving against Regina again, following the touches of her fingers with kisses from her lips. Regina squeezed her eyes shut as she struggled to concentrate.

"You," Regina gasped. "Only you."

"Fuck," Regina breathed between moans as one of Emma's hands moved up to caress one of Regina's breasts through the satin fabric of her dress.

"You're mine," Emma said possessively, "No one else can have you."

"Emma," Regina moaned as the blonde quickly pushed the straps off of Regina's shoulders.

"Mmm," Emma hummed deliciously, feeling a shot of heat to her core as she suddenly realized something, "You're not wearing a bra, are you?"

"It would have shown under the straps of my dress," Regina explained, her head tipping back as Emma hungrily ravaged the skin of Regina's neck with her lips and tongue. A hiss escaped Regina's lips as Emma took the liberty of scraping her teeth along the column, trying to sooth away the bite intermittently with tongue and lips.

"God, Emma," Regina moaned, " _Please_ …"

"Please what," Emma breathed huskily into Regina's ear. "Tell me what you want, Regina."

"You," the older woman cried out, desperate for more. Emma chuckled.

"You're going to have to be a little more specific than that, your majesty," Emma teased. "Cause I'm right here."

"Ohhh," Regina groaned, trying to pull Emma even closer. "I want you to…" The words cut off in Regina's throat as Emma's hand slipped underneath the skirt of her dress, and began slowly sliding up the inside of her thigh. Emma lifted the fabric inch by inch, refusing to break contact with Regina's warm smooth skin. Emma was prepared to find several barriers in place, but instead found none. Regina was wearing garters and stockings, but no underwear. There was nothing keeping Emma's fingers from the pool of moisture now trickling down the brunette's legs. Emma felt a hungry growl emerge from the depths of her throat. She was unable to hold back the sound.

"I suppose the underwear had to go because-" Emma said questioningly.

"I was hoping to lure you into the bathroom during the dance," Regina confessed. "I figured that it would make the encounter to go a bit more smoothly…"

"Fuck," Emma groaned, as she was left with a visual of fucking Regina on the counter of the bathroom. "You're so naughty, Regina," Emma breathed into Regina's ear; the air against the brunette's skin was suddenly stifling.

"You love me for it," Regina told her.

"Just for that," Emma rasped. "I'm going to have to punish you."

Regina let out whimper. As Emma's fingers suddenly danced up slick thighs, and towards drenched curls. "H-How?" Regina's voice was thick with aching arousal.

"Get on the bed," Emma told her as she retracted her hand from under Regina's dress. "I want you on your hands and knees." Regina's eyes shot open widely as she realized the blonde planned to leave her wet and wanting, at least for now.

"Emma," Regina began, hoping to limit the damage and the reparations necessary in order to get Emma to continue what she'd started.

"If you don't do as you're told," Emma told her, "I swear to you that I will walk straight out of that door, Regina. I want you on your knees- hands on the headboard."

Regina couldn't stop the shiver from creeping up her spine, as Emma unzipped her dress with one sure, graceful tug. In another quavering tug, Emma let the dress drop to the floor. It pooled around Regina ankles, leaving the brunette in nothing but the skin she'd been born in.

"So what's it going to be?" Emma asked her, her tone full of a challenge that Regina didn't dare defy. Regina moved for the bed, and quickly crawled onto the feather-soft mattress. Regina felt her inner muscles twitch in anticipation, as she heard Emma unzip her own dress. Regina heard a faint swish of the fabric, as Emma let it drop to the floor. Regina swallowed thickly, and turned, just in time to see Emma release her own bra. The blonde had an undeniable smugness evident in her sea-green pools as she let the bra fall to the floor.

Regina's mouth fell open, her throat quickly becoming dry as she took in Emma's lean body. It wasn't as muscular as it used to be, but the blonde was still absolutely stunning. All of the blonde's alabaster skin nearly shimmered in the dim light of Regina's bedroom.

"Face toward the headboard," Emma told her, as she took a step towards the bed. Regina turned obsequiously and gripped the headboard in a vice as she felt the mattress dip at the foot of the bed. Regina felt the muscles in her legs began to quiver ever so slightly as Emma crawled slowly up the bed, quickly closing the space between them. Regina let out a moan at first contact, which was little more than a brush of bare skin. Then, Regina gasped as Emma's next touch was every bit intentional. Slowly, Emma ran both hands up the base of Regina's spine –palms down- towards Regina's shoulder blades, pressing kisses at the skin over her spine along the way. Each punctuated open mouthed kiss earned a shiver from Regina's body. The slowness of it all – the patience behind each touch- was maddening and Regina couldn't keep an impatient vocalization from escaping her throat.

"Close your eyes," Emma's husky voice commanded in her ear, and Regina squeezed her eyes shut. Her body shivered –actually shivered- at the way Emma's warm breath ghosted over her skin. The muscles in Regina's arms twitched and she nearly let go of the headboard. But Emma's voice was there to remind her of why she shouldn't. "If you let go of the headboard, at any point, I will stop what I'm doing. I'll give you one warning." Then. "If you do it twice," Emma told her sternly, "I will stop what I'm doing immediately, and I won't finish."

"Emma," Regina's voice was rasped and heavy with arousal.

"Do we have an understanding, Regina?" Emma asked her.

"Y-Yes," Regina replied breathlessly. The brunette felt a feather-light touch at her ears, and opened her eyes in order to see nothing but blackness. She swallowed over the sudden lump in her throat, as she spoke tremulously. "Emma, I can't see," Regina told her.

"It's just a blindfold, Regina," Emma breathed.

"O-Okay."

"Regina," Emma said softly, but her voice was deadly serious, "I'm only doing this because I thought that you might enjoy it, but if you don't want to do this, then that's okay. Just tell me right now and we'll stop."

"No," Regina shook her head. "I…I don't want you to stop."

"Okay," Emma's breath ghosted over her flesh. "Then, I think it's about time that we came up with a safe word. Don't you think?"

"A safe word?" Regina exhaled.

"Yes, A safe word," Emma told her teasingly, "A word so powerful, that if it is even so much as uttered, it will make _everything_ stop. The blindfold, the orders – all you have to say is a single word and I will stop."

"What about the word apple?" Regina asked as a smile tugged unbidden at her deep red lips, "You do know how dearly I _love_ those!"

"Apple, it is then," Emma confirmed. "You say the word apple, and I will stop."

"And what word can I say, in order to make you just get on with it already?" Regina asked, her voice full of a sass that Emma had dearly missed for a long time. Regina let out a yelp as Emma brought her hand down on Regina's right butt cheek with a fair amount of force, causing a brief sting to reverberate through the globe of flesh. Then, as the pain gave over to the pleasure center of Regina's brain, she let out a moan.

"It seems that you've forgotten that you're being punished," Emma chided. "Do you have any more cheeky comments you'd like to get out, your majesty?"

"I h-haven't," Regina told her. "I swear I'll be good, Emma, just _please_."

"Feel me," Were Emma's next words. And boy did Regina feel her. Regina closed her eyes and focused on the blonde's heat at her back. She felt as Emma raked her nails slowly down her back, leaving faintly tingling trails in their wake. She could feel the heat of Emma's kiss, as the blonde pressed her lips to Regina's skin. When Emma's hands reached Regina's lower back, she slid her hands sideways in order to grasp Regina's hips tightly them. Then she pulled, and Regina's backside suddenly collided with Emma's pelvis, eliciting a loud, echoing moan from them both. Emma released Regina's hips and bent over, pressing her front against Regina's back so that they were flush together.

"How's this?" Emma asked as she pressed a kiss to Regina's right shoulder, licking and sucking at the skin there. She loved how the brunette tasted. She had never been able to take so long to appreciate Regina like this. The truth is, she thought she'd never be able to.

"Oh god," Regina moaned as she focused on the feeling of Emma's swollen breasts at her back. She swore that she could feel the blonde's nipples, straining against her own skin. "That feels so good."

"Yeah?" Emma chuckled, pressing another kiss to Regina's bare flesh.

"Yeah," Regina moaned – more like groaned really. Slowly, Emma's hands migrated, wrapping around Regina's body to grab at her breasts. Emma gave them a good squeeze before starting to knead them in her hands. This earned a loud rattling moan from Regina's throat.

"You like that, huh?" Emma teased as she began to move against the body pressed against hers, rocking her hips into Regina's in a way that drove Regina nearly out of her head.

"Fuck, Emma," Regina groaned, "Stop teasing me… _Please_."

"What do you want?" Emma asked as she pressed her lips to the back of Regina's ear. She pressed a kiss there, and then began to suck at the flesh with her mouth. Regina could merely moan for a long moment, before she gained enough coherent thought to reply.

"I want you to make me come," Regina rasped, "I want you around me- inside me. I don't even care! Just make me come, Emma."

"Oh, you say that," Emma whispered, "But I think you very much care how it is achieved. For instance, if I were in your place, I would love to be taken from behind. Or better yet, I would want your mouth on me, making me come with that skilled tongue of yours."

"Oh god," Regina groaned, her mind instantly made up. The second Emma had mentioned using her mouth, Regina's body had responded. Regina could feel her pussy throb with want. "That! I want you to do that."

"Want me to do what?" Emma teased, as she let her hair fall down onto Regina's back, allowing the silken strands to fan out over Regina's shoulders. The strands tickled the hypersensitive skin on Regina's neck and shoulders before she got used to the sensation again.

"Oh god," Regina gasped, "You're killing me, Emma."

"So," Emma smiled as she moved her hands so that they raked over Regina's heaving ribcage, "Where were…" the next words caught in her throat as she suddenly realized she could feel Regina actually trembling against her. "We?" Emma's throat suddenly felt unbearably dry. Regina's only response was to let out a whimper.

"Fuck," Emma breathed, "Okay, so I really was trying to go a bit over the top, but I think I actually _am_ driving you insane. Take your hands off of the headboard."

"What?" Regina nearly sobbed. "No. I-I don't want you to stop."

"We're not stopping," Emma promised. "I just want to be able to see your face. And I want _you_ to be able to see _me_. This dominant submissive shit just isn't working for me." Emma gently turned her lover in her arms, and tugged off Regina's blindfold.

 _'Сause you are loved._  
 _You are loved more than you know._  
 _I hereby pledge all of my days_  
 _To prove it so._  
 _Though your heart is far too young to realize_  
 _The unimaginable light you hold inside,_

"Hi," Emma smiled, her eyes beaming as Regina's eyes slowly opened.

"Hi," Regina smiled back at her, her voice full of a deep appreciation and affection for the woman in front of her. "You really are good at that, you know? Seriously, you're like scary good at it. I would even go so far as to call you an evil genius. That trick with your hair was especially crafty."

"Mmm," Emma hummed, "But I bet you could put me to shame if you wanted."

"Come here," Regina ordered, as she reached for the blonde's cheeks and tugged Emma impatiently forwards. She didn't want to wait any longer. They both moaned loudly into the room, as their mouths crashed hungrily against one another. Regina's tongue persistently begged entrance against Emma's bottom lip for a short while before Emma granted access. But once access was granted, everything became exponentially hotter. Emma straddled Regina and began to rock her hips against the older woman's in a practiced and extremely gratifying manner. Still, Regina hated how much separation there still was between them, and she pulled Emma down on top of her, so that their bodies went back to being flush against each other once more.

"Emma," Regina begged between moans. "Just…" Emma wished she could say she was surprised by how vocal Regina Mills was in the bedroom, but she'd become used to it long ago. Regina was just as demanding in the bedroom, as she was in her everyday life. The older woman expected every effort, but she was more than willing to give just as much back in return- if not more.

It had taken a long time for Regina to be able to surrender herself to Emma in such a way, but she found that once she did so, that she got infinitely more enjoyment out of their encounters. She was like putty under Emma's fingertips.

"Just what, my love?" Emma practically purred, as she trailed kisses across Regina's jaw and proceeded to trail them down her neck.

"I'm so close," Regina rasped. " _Please_ …" The brunette moaned again as Emma's mouth found one of her breasts, sucking one of the older woman's nipples into her mouth. Emma swirled her tongue around, between each of her sucking motions, and Regina let out a pronounced groan. Emma released the nipple with an audible pop.

"Regina," Emma said, effectively chastising the brunette, "You have to tell me what you want." Regina's mind went blank as Emma's tongue was thrust into her own mouth. Regina felt like she might die from need.

"I want…" Regina murmured as Emma started kissing her way back up the tanned woman's shoulder. "I need…"

"What, baby?" Emma eased up on her attack a little ways. Regina practically sobbed as she tried to direct Emma's hands away from her breasts to the throbbing between her legs. "Tell me what you need."

"Inside me," Regina begged rather hysterically. "God, please. I need to feel you inside of me." With a wicked smirk, Emma started running her tongue down Regina's midline. Regina's chest and stomach arched upwards off of the mattress seeking more pressure and contact. Regina's body practically quaked under her touch. Emma placed kisses randomly until she reached the dark curls at the juncture of her legs. Ever so carefully, Emma pulled Regina's right leg over her shoulder, opening the older woman up for her. The noise that Regina made in the back of her throat upon realizing Emma's intent had a fresh wave of moisture spilling between the blonde's own throbbing core.

Emma let out a sound of eagerness as she nuzzled Regina's soft curls, smelling and losing herself in the heady aroma of the older woman's arousal. Emma's tongue darted out of her mouth and she used it to part Regina's slick swollen folds. Regina cried out, her hips thrusting upwards, as she tried to push further into Emma's mouth, silently begging to be taken. Meanwhile, Emma found herself in her own version of heaven. She eagerly licked and lapped up Regina's juices, relishing in the sweet taste of Regina's arousal. Emma had missed it oh so very much, and now she couldn't help but feel as if she never wanted to leave. Regina squeezed her eyes shut, barely able to tolerate the extreme waves of pleasure she felt, as Emma's dexterous tongue run through swollen aching folds. Then, Emma did something unexpected. All breath was stolen from Regina's lungs as Emma pushed her tongue as far into Regina as it could go.

 _I'll give you everything I have._  
 _I'll teach you everything I know._  
 _I promise I'll do better._  
 _I will always hold you close,_  
 _But I will learn to let you go._  
 _I promise I'll do better._

The blonde hummed contentedly, and heard Regina cry out hoarsely into the bedroom at the vibrations that sound sent through her very core. Emma pushed in and out of the woman's entrance for as long as she could stand it before she relocated her energy elsewhere. In its place, Emma sank two fingers deep inside of her lover, eliciting another moan. She could feel Regina's strong walls clench around her fingertips, eagerly trying to pull her further in, as she continued her ministrations. As she felt Regina grow nearer and neared to the precipice, Emma took Regina's swollen clit into her mouth and sucked gently, before running her teeth over the bundle of nerves there. Regina let out a sharp hiss, unprepared for the wave of pain and pleasure that this sent coursing through her. Regina groped blindly for Emma's hair, trying to direct her touch, her pressure. Emma pulled backwards, leaving the warm heated area between Regina's legs in order to meet the cool air of Regina's master bedroom. Regina cried out again – this time out a profound sense of loss.

Emma slowly crawled up Regina's body, easing Regina's leg back down to the bed as she did so. Regina's mouth found Emma's once again, her arousal burning hotter than she had ever felt it burn before. She moaned in approval, as she tasted herself on Emma's lips. And for a long moment, the two slowed things down. Emma and Regina kissed ardently, expressing their love for one another through depth and exploration. Regina's sex throbbed painfully, but it only made the brunette appreciate Emma even more for making her feel that way.

"Emma," Regina breathed, her hips thrusting slightly against Emma's immovable body. "Touch me. God, _please_."

"Shh," Emma soothed, "I've got you, Regina, I promise." Regina let out another deep guttural moan as Emma resumed thrusting her fingers into and out of her entrance with a steady rhythm, slowly building up to Regina's release. Slowly, Emma trailed kisses down Regina's neck, finding the place where Regina's strong raging pulse met the outside world. After taking a moment to suck on the moist heated flesh, tasting the sweet and salty flesh, Emma trailed her kisses slowly downwards, as her mouth finally sought out Regina's heaving breast. She eagerly sucked the other of Regina's nipples into her mouth, reveling in the loud moan that this earned her from her lover. Emma was rewarded as the sensation drew Regina even closer to the edge.

 _I will rearrange the stars,_  
 _Pull 'em down to where you are._  
 _I promise, I'll do better._

"Emma!" Regina let out in a deep guttural moan seconds later. It was the most beautiful sound that Emma had ever heard.

"Emma, _please_ ," Regina panted, her voice heavy with her own need. Carefully, Emma balanced on her knees, leaning slightly forwards. With sure hands, Emma reached out, running her fingertips over and around the skin at Regina's opening. Regina cried out again, pleading for the penetration that she so desperately wanted. One of her hands reached out for Emma's hair, but the blonde scolded her. Not willing to be directed in what Regina wanted her to do. Emma rewarded Regina's patience as she thrust into the brunette with one sure, deep, quick thrust. Quickly, Emma worked the queen to the edge. Regina's head was tilted back against the pillows, her hands curled into fists as she gripped the sheets in a sort of death grip beneath her. She periodically tried to grab for Emma only, to find herself bracing for the orgasm she knew was inevitable. Emma watched Regina, lost in her own little world. She could scarcely believe that Regina was finally hers. She wanted desperately to give her soul mate the best possible love that she could give. Regina's back rose off the bed, as Emma began rubbing Regina's clit with her thumb.

"Open your eyes, Gina," Emma begged as she straightened up again. Emma could tell that the brunette was close. All the muscles in Regina's body tightened, as if she were a tiger waiting to pounce on its prey. Emma could feel Regina's walls clench feebly around her fingertips with each thrust, as if the brunette were trying desperately to hold her inside. Emma stole another kiss from her lover as she ran her thumb over Regina's swollen clit. The only thing Regina could do is let out a non-committal noise in the back of her throat. "Come on, Regina," Emma commanded in her deep alto voice, "I want to see your eyes as you come for me. I _crave_ them. Please." Emma was unprepared for when Regina's eyes finally opened. They were a deep chocolate brown; light and darkness swirled around them in a mesmerizing pattern.

"God, Regina," Emma moaned as Regina's beauty nearly took her breath away, "You're almost there. Let go, honey. Let _go_ for me." Regina kissed her back with a renewed fervor. Meanwhile, Emma's own mind became foggy as she pushed her fingers deeply into Regina. She was close herself just from watching her lover, from feeling the brunette respond to her touches. Spurred on by Regina's moans, Emma began to thrust harder and faster into Regina's center; puffs of breath came almost without pause from between her own lips with the effort. Regina's eyes never left Emma's bright green eyes as Regina threw her body into every touch and sensation. The brunette's back arched away from the mattress, as Regina threw her hips into every one of Emma's thrusts. It had been so long since she'd been touched like this- too long. And now? To have the woman she loved touching her like this meant everything.

 _With every heartbeat I have left,_  
 _I'll defend your every breath._  
 _I promise I'll do better._  
 _I will soften every edge,_  
 _Hold the world to its best._  
 _I promise I'll do better_

Regina tried so very hard to keep her eyes open, but as she neared the edge she found it so much harder to do. The truth was, it was impossible. With one last flick of Emma's thumb over her swollen clit, Regina was catapulted forwards into her release. She found herself closing her eyes as she braced for orgasm, however, before Emma could even reprimand her, Regina's eyes sprang back open, and her reality seemingly exploded around her. Regina let out an earth-shattering scream as she came with one last stroke of the blonde's skillful fingers. Emma continued to move in her lover, trying to extend Regina's orgasm for as long as she possibly could. Emma could hardly breathe as she felt Regina's walls clench repeatedly around her fingertips. Emma watched Regina's eyes glaze over while she was seemingly transported to another place where Emma and Regina existed in the same limited space. To see Regina's molten chocolate gaze and the emotion behind it as the mayor finally came undone was the only gift Emma ever needed or wanted. She would always remember the feel of Regina's walls clenching around her fingers tightly as the brunette rode out the waves of pleasure. Finally, Regina's body relaxed and fell back onto the mattress, as the older woman let out a long, deep, sated groan. Emma watched for a long moment – one seemingly stretching out indefinitely- as Regina's lungs desperately raked for oxygen. Emma followed after her, wanting to maintain as much contact between them as possible. For a long moment the two bodies melded together as if they were one, with Emma's head resting gently on Regina's shoulder.

As the contractions subsided, Emma slowly pulled out of Regina, causing the brunette to gasp, ever so quietly. Regina squeezed her eyes shut and sighed happily as she snuggled into Emma's body.

"You okay?" Emma's brow furrowed in worry, as she started to lift herself off of her love.

"I'm more than okay," Regina reassured her, pulling her back down. Emma giggled as Regina suddenly rolled them. She slipped a leg over Emma's midsection so that she was straddling the blonde, effectively pinning her to the bed. "I'm pretty sure that was the best sex that I've ever had."

"You're so beautiful," Emma said in wonder, as she looked up at Regina, who was now practically radiating beauty. "How on earth did I get so lucky?"

"I've been wondering the same thing," Regina smiled.

"You mean you've been wondering how on earth you stooped so low as to sleep with me?" Emma teased. For a moment Regina merely looked horrified. Then, Emma laughed as Regina slugged Emma in her good side.

"How dare you even suggest such a thing!?" Regina replied, "You know _exactly_ what I meant."

Regina felt her heart jolt a little in her chest as Emma's hand slipped up around the back of her neck, pulling the brunette down to her. Regina moaned into the kiss. Finally, the kiss broke.

"I…I think we're _both_ really lucky," Emma told her finally.

"We are," Regina confirmed. "I love you so much, Emma."

"I love you, too," Emma told her. "Now what do you say we get some sleep? I don't know about you, but I- for one - am beat."

"I-" Regina was about to reply, when she heard the blonde's phone go off across the room.

"Shit," Emma swore loudly. Regina reluctantly clamored off of her lover, moving herself out of the way so that the blonde could go retrieve the phone. Emma pushed herself off of the mattress, and quickly padded across the room. She plucked the phone off of the dresser, and hesitated as she saw the number on its face. It was a New York area code. Emma looked back to where Regina was watching her from the mattress and said, "I've got to take this," before she accepted the call and lifted it to her ear.

"Emma Swan," Emma greeted into the mouthpiece, as she quickly padded towards the bathroom for some privacy.

"Hey, Emma," a male voice she recognized greeted her in return, "It's Jaffrey."

"Hey, Jaffrey," Emma sighed as she sat down on the edge of Regina's large tub. "What can I do for you?"

"Well," Jaffrey sighed, "Look, Emma, I know that I promised you that you could have several weeks. But something has come up and I need you here as soon as possible."

"You- You can't be serious," Emma breathed.

Regina, meanwhile, sat on the mattress for as long as she could possibly stand it, before she ultimately gave in and pushed herself to the edge of the bed. She swung her feet out over the edge, and stood, before following in Emma's earlier footsteps. She crept towards the door, her feet padding softly over the carpet. The brunette paused outside of the door and closed her eyes, just listening. She hated herself for being so weak, and hated knowing that she was about to eavesdrop on Emma like this.

"Look," Regina heard Emma speak faintly through the cracked door, "I know that I signed a contract, but is there any way out of it?" Regina let out a quavering breath, as she realized what Emma was trying to do. "No, I know. It's just...I've finally found someone that I want to spend my life with, and she's got her own life here, you know? It doesn't seem fair of me to leave now, after we only just figured out everything." Emma paused. Regina's heartbeats sounded deafening in her ears, as tears sprang to her eyes. Hearing Emma's words like that, tugged at her heartstrings in a way that she thought she'd never feel it again. She had no doubt in her mind that she'd found the love of her life. And it hurt to know that Emma might have to leave. To hear that Emma wanted to stay- that she was trying to stay- made Regina feel guilty. She knew how much Emma wanted this job. But the blonde was still willing to give it all up for her, because she loved Regina.

"No," Emma spoke, seemingly answering a question that Regina couldn't hear from the other end of the phone, "She can't leave. She's- She's the mayor, Jaffrey. She's got her own life here. I couldn't- I couldn't possibly ask her to give it all up for me. I don't _want_ to." Regina heard as Emma let out a sigh. "Yeah, okay. I...I understand." Regina reached out for the doorknob, just as Emma's voice called out once more. "I'll be there as soon as I can. It might be a couple of days, before I can get everything together, but I'll be there as soon as I possibly can." Regina closed her eyes, and let out a sharp breath, as she heard the pain in Emma's voice. It hurt that she could hear it. "All right, thanks Jaffrey. I'll be in touch," Emma told him, before Regina heard Emma end the call.

For a long minute after the phone call was ended, Regina stood there, hovering in the doorway - torn with indecision. She could hear Emma sniffling inside. The blonde was crying, and Regina didn't know what to do. Finally, Regina made her choice. She pushed open the door, and stepped inside.

"Emma," she called out gently. Regina observed out Emma's shoulders were bowed in defeat, as she sat on the edge of the tub, with her head in her hands. As the blonde heard Regina's apprehensive voice, her hands fell away. Regina walked slowly over to the blonde, and knelt down in front of her. Regina frowned in sadness, as she took in the way that Emma's eyes were rimmed with red, as if the blonde were holding back countless tears.

"Hey," Regina said, as she reached out for Emma's hands, and took them each in her own. Emma's phone tumbled to the floor with a clatter, but neither of them cared the least bit for the device as they locked eyes. "What's wrong?"

"I...I have to go," Emma told her, her voice broken. "They need me in New York. Regina, I- God, I tried to get out of it, but I can't. It's my _fault_. I already signed a stupid contract and so now I would have to take a huge financial hit if I backed out. I don't have enough money saved up to do it."

"I see," Regina nearly whispered.

"Regina," Emma told her. "I'm so sorry."

"Hey," Regina forced herself to smile gently, her eyes full of love and affection, "It's okay. Don't be sorry, Emma. Listen, I know that a long distance relationship isn't ideal, but I'm more than willing to make the effort, if you are. We can still make this work. I _know_ we can. Because I love you, and I want you to be happy. You said it yourself. This job is the kind of job that comes across once in a lifetime. I'm not about to let you give that up for me."

"You're not- You're not mad?"

"No," Regina laughed. "Not in the least. Emma, I...I _want_ this for you. And, hey, it might take me a little bit of time to figure out how I can safely leave Storybrooke, but once I do, there's nothing that's going to stop me from going to New York to be with you. I'll have to find someone to take over the mayorship, but I might even be able to move there." Regina let out a gasp as Emma did the unexpected, and the blonde's body suddenly collided with her own. Regina felt Emma's arms wrap around her as the blonde let out a happy laugh.

"I love you," Emma said as she buried her face in Regina's shoulder. "I love you so much."

"I love you, too, dear," Regina told her. "We're going to make this work. I promise."

 _With every heartbeat I have left,_  
 _I'll defend your every breath,_  
 _(I'll do better.)_

* * *

 _ **A/N: So I posted this chapter and realized that I never had a note at the end. So, I just thought I'd write one really quickly. I dearly hope that you liked this chapter, as it had a little bit of everything. I feel like our couple is growing leaps and bounds, and that's a joy for me. It's been so angsty for so long, that I feel like I almost forgot how to write the positive stuff.**_

 _ **Please do leave me some feedback if you have a minute. It helps me know where you guys are at with what is happening. It also lets me know if I'm going in the right direction. I appreciate each and every one of you guys! Thank you so much for reading!**_


	27. This Promise

Title: Make it Without You  
Category: TV Shows » Once Upon A Time  
Author: Alwaysbringback-up  
Language: English, Rating: Rated: M (for language and sexual themes)  
Genre: Angst/General

 **Chapter 27: This Promise**

 **Pairing: SwanQueen**

 _ **Disclaimer: I don't own any part of the OUAT universe. All characters belong to Adam and Eddie, the show's creators. I promise that my writing is done purely for recreational purposes only. No ill harm is intended.**_

 _ **A/N: Hey, guys! I am so so sorry for the delay in posting. Life has been crazy lately. I've been taking classes in order to become a Paramedic, for the last eight months, and life has been absolutely crazy. In conjunction with the class, I've had to do clinical hours, and the whole nine yards, so it's been hard for me to find time to write. I finally, after what seems like ages now, have found some time to write. It may not be up to standard, as it's been quite a while since I written anything. But I wanted to try anyways. This chapter takes place right where we left of last time, so you might want to re-read the last couple of chapters before this one.**_

 ** _So here goes nothing! I do hope you like it! ;)_**

* * *

" _I love you, too, dear. We're going to make this work, I promise," Regina told her reassuringly._

 _Breathing the moment, we are sending out a message_ _  
_ _This love_ _  
_ _Here for a second_ _  
_ _Just a sentence in the story of us_ _  
_ _The sentence in the story of us_

Regina couldn't stop the shiver that coursed through her body, as she felt Emma's lips brush against her neck. The gesture was innocent enough to say that least; as was the embrace that they were currently in the midst of. Regina hummed softly, as she felt that telltale throb between her legs begin anew, and she began to ache for Emma's touch once more. She felt embarrassed that she was so easily aroused, much like a horny teenager, but she couldn't help it. Emma was so beautiful, so perfect even now, that it was hard for Regina to fathom. The blonde was a lot stronger than she gave herself credit for, and Regina saw that every time that she looked into the blonde's eyes. Over the years, the older woman had often struggled for insight, always wanting to know more about the blonde's inner thoughts. And it seemed like the more she learned, the more she was blown away by the enigma that was Emma Swan. Emma had had a difficult life, to say the least, but somehow she had become a better person for it. The amount of love that the blonde held in her heart had no parallel. There was no one who was capable of more. And part of Regina _still_ couldn't understand why the blonde had fallen in love with her. There were so many days that Regina found herself dwelling on all of her faults. There were days that Regina was sure that she was unworthy of Emma's love. And yet, when she gazed into the bottomless depths of Emma's vibrant green eyes, she _knew_ with utmost certainty that she was loved.

"I don't know how I can ever thank you enough for loving me…supporting me," Emma breathed into her ear. "You mean so much to me."

"You mean the world to me, too, Emma," Regina spoke in a low, quiet voice. "And you owe me nothing. I just want you to know that I'm here for you, no matter what. The truth is, I don't know what I'd do without you. This last month put a lot into perspective for me." Regina felt tears spring unbidden to her own eyes, and her voice cracked on the word.

"Regina," Emma spoke gently.

"I'm sorry," Regina told her.

"Hey, don't be sorry," Emma told her gently. "Just tell me what's wrong. I hope you know this is a safe space. Look, you and me? We're in this together now."

"I know…I'm just scared," Regina confessed. "I don't think I have to tell you that this is difficult for me. There has to be a lot of trust involved in something like this. And as much as I know that you love me, part of me is still afraid I'm going to lose you. You're going to be hundreds of miles away from me, and if this last month taught me anything, it…"

"You're not going to lose me," Emma told her gently, as she pulled away, so that she could look into Regina's eyes. However, she found that the brunette refused to look at her. "Hey, look at me." Regina tentatively lifted her head and slowly met Emma's eyes.

"I promise you. I'm promising you, Regina. I love you. I love you, and I'm _never_ going to let you go. Not ever. Because I'll have you know, that you are the one I'm pretty sure that I've been waiting my whole life for, Regina Mills. Remember that night you told me that you wanted to spend the rest of your life with me? Well, I'm ready to lay all of my cards on the table and say that I feel the same way. This is by no means a proposal… I…I don't have a fucking ring, much as I kinda wish I did. Because, the truth is, I wanna marry you. And I just hope that some day that you will wanna marry me, too."

"Emma," Regina gasped, as she took in the implications of what Emma just said. Regina felt something ignite inside of her at hearing Emma's words. She had to make love to this amazing woman, who made her feel things that no one else had been able to do. She was surprised that she was this desperate to have the blonde again. After all, they'd already engaged in rather intense lovemaking, to the point where they were both thoroughly and completely exhausted. But for some reason, Regina's body responded to Emma's words as if she could easily take her again and again. The truth is, she never really stopped wanting the blonde. Regina felt Emma's arms release their hold on her, sliding over naked, heated flesh. She felt Emma's eyes on hers, and for a moment their gazes locked.

 _Your hand in mine_ _  
_ _We are burning like two flickering lights_ _  
_ _I'll pass this moment_ _  
_ _We are flying through the days and the nights_ _  
_ _flying through the days and the nights_

A soft, "Oh," fell from the blonde's lips as she noticed Regina's blown pupils. Then a laugh was falling from thin, pink, lips. "Really? You're ready for more, already? I thought for sure that you would need a break." Regina felt her cheeks grow hot, as they suddenly flushed with color. Emma reached out for her, her palm sliding over where a deep blush now adorned Regina's beautiful face. Emma chanced a glance down to look at Regina's spectacular body, and her eyes immediately darkened in response.

 _I'm trying to keep_ _  
_ _This image I see_ _  
_ _I know we can't stay there_

"What can I say, dear," Regina said with undeniable mirth, "You simply set my body on fire."

"You're insatiable," Emma teased.

"And you love me for it," Regina told her knowingly.

"Is that so?" Emma bit back with a waggle of her eyebrows.

She watched the blonde hesitate for a moment, pretending as if she was weighing her options, and then, Emma was pulling Regina into her, her hand slipping behind Regina's long elegant neck. She tugged her lover forwards, with surprisingly strong hands, and hungrily pressed her lips to Regina's eager ones, with a pronounced and desperately hungry sound. Regina returned Emma's kiss in kind. The blonde moaned loudly into the bathroom, as Regina's hands found Emma's shoulders, pulling the blonde even closer to her. Emma's thin, lithe body rose, her bare chest brushing against Regina's, as their open mouths found each other again and again. Regina focused on the feeling of the blonde's warm, smooth skin against her own. The fire inside of her turned white hot. She desperately needed to feel the blonde inside of her, once more.

 _But still I believe_ _  
_ _That this you and me_ _  
_ _Will always be somewhere_

 _Cause I swear…_

"My god, the things you do to me, Emma," Regina groaned. "You make me feel like I've never been touched before in my life." Her voice was almost pain filled as she experienced the feeling of desperation and need.

"That's because no one has ever loved you like I do," Emma told her. Regina opened her mouth to protest, but Emma didn't give her the chance. "Except for Daniel, that is. But I thoroughly intend on giving him a run for his money. And I think he'd be happy that you found happiness again. Even if it is _only_ me."

"Only?" Regina sputtered. " _Only_?!"

"Regina," Emma sighed. "Don't get upset, I just meant…"

"No," Regina told her forcefully. "You listen to me, Emma Swan. You are everything that Daniel could have ever wanted for me. You are the sun, and the moon, and the stars. You are my entire universe. Now you had better let me show you just how _much_ I mean that."

"How can you heal such a lifetime of pain, with so few words?" Emma asked her with misting eyes.

"I've waited so many eons for you," Regina breathed, as she held Emma's gaze, softly stroking the side of Emma's face with her hand. And Emma knew it was true. She didn't want to think about just how long the brunette had waited for a love like theirs.

"I'm yours," Emma breathed.

 _That when forever fades into a memory_ _  
_ _Nothing will ever take_ _  
_ _Take you away from me_ _  
_ _This promise of mine_ _  
_ _Is a promise in time_

Regina tugged Emma to her feet. She pressed both hands to the side of Emma's face and tugged her forwards in desperation. This time, she held back nothing, kissing the blonde with bruising intensity. In fact, she was _sure_ that the blonde's lips would feel her kiss there, even hours later. The electricity and fire that has always lingered between them came to life once more, as their bodies grappled with one another. Regina could feel Emma's hand on her… everywhere. They were ever moving, ever teasing. Regina doesn't know how to put the things she's currently feeling into words. Because she's not entirely sure she's felt something of this magnitude before. It's not just about the magic that they make together, both literally and figuratively, because it is so much more. It's about having a home. It's about knowing that you're safe, no matter what. Because she knows that Emma would give her life to protect her if need be. She knows, because the blonde had given her life for Regina on multiple occasions.

Emma's felt Regina's urgency, and to be honest, she wasn't sure she ever felt anything quite like it before. Sure, they'd kissed, hundreds of times. And they'd been about as far inside of one another as someone could go. But for the first time, Emma truly felt like Regina was holding nothing back. The brunette was finally surrendering everything to Emma, and there was something that felt so damned good about it all. She felt pure, unadulterated passion. She felt love, and raw desire and passion overflowing in every touch and caress.

Regina's hands are suddenly in her hair exploring the soft curls that she's come to love these last few months. The truth is that she'd wanted to run her hands through it so many times over the last few weeks, but hadn't been allowed so much as a single touch before tonight. Now, she was determined to begin her love affair with Emma's hair in earnest. Regina closed her eyes, her fingers tangling in Emma's hair, as she pulled her into another. Emma couldn't keep the moan from escaping her own throat as she savored the gentle probing of Regina's tongue in her mouth. Regina felt Emma's fingers tug on her hair as the blonde struggled to keep a hold on her.

The kiss did not break as they stumbled together in the dark, so lost in eachother that they did not care what became of the things around them. Regina started walking backwards, pulling Emma towards where she knew the bed would be.

Regina, however, miscalculated where the doorway should be. Her back struck the wall bordering the doorway, and she mewed in displeasure at the disruption. She's gasping for breath, desperately trying to replace the air in her lungs that Emma is stealing. Emma makes her head spin. Her body feels like it is on fire, and she wants, no needs, to quell it so badly. She desperate for more, and never wants it to stop. God, Emma knows just how to touch her. Everywhere the blonde's nimble hands run over her body, burns, as she lights her very nerve endings on fire. She should have known it would be this good. It always was.

Emma releases her hands from Regina's hair, and picks up Regina's body effortlessly, moving her hands expertly under her backside to lift her up from the floor. With one tug of the blonde's hands, Regina moves forwards, and the juncture between her legs collides with Emma's waist just so. Both moan loudly into the kiss as they relish this newfound closeness. Emma's plants her hands on the wall to either side of Regina's body, as the brunette's legs wrapped around Emma's back. Emma lets out a unrestrained moan, as Regina bucks her hips against Emma's tightening abdomen, seeking even more closeness with her lover.

"You've been holding out on me," Regina tells her through hungry kisses as the blonde smiles almost wickedly at her.

"I still have plenty surprises up my sleeve," Emma said, as her eyes twinkled in mirth. "After all, I have to keep you happy in the many years that are to come, don't I?" Emma released her hold on the wall, instead, settling for placing them on Regina's hips. Slowly, she began to move for the bed in the middle of the room, a bed of tangled silk bed sheets that they'd made love on one time already.

"You never have to worry about that, my darling," Regina told her. "I'm yours."

 _And as we looking back_ _  
_ _On who we used to be_ _  
_ _With everything I have_ _  
_ _I swear you'll always see_ _  
_ _This promise of mine_ _  
_ _Is a promise in time_

Emma walks them towards the bed in the middle of the room. Emma couldn't stop another moan as she feels Regina's slick center glide against her tightened abdominal muscles. She feels it acutely, as her core responds with a throb of need.

Finally, after what seems like ages, Emma reaches the bed in the middle of Regina's room, and eases Regina's body down onto the mattress. What Emma doesn't count on, however, is Regina's refusal to let go of her. Emma lets out a sound of surprise as she loses her balance and goes tumbling forwards. As the brunette hits the mattress, so too does Emma. Emma laughs loudly into the bedroom as she plants her hands just to either side of Regina, just managing to avoid falling onto the brunette with all of her weight. Regina gives her no apology.

"Hey," Regina breathes as she lifts a hand to the blonde's face, caressing her cheek with a warmth and affection in her eyes.

"Hi," Emma's eyes shine in the dim light, and Regina sees love reflected back at her. Regina guides Emma's mouth down onto her own, moaning softly in ecstasy as she feels Emma's warm tongue beg entrance into her mouth. She grants it without delay. Soon enough, she feels warmth explode in her chest, in a way that only a kiss from her true love could.

Emma's the first to give into temptation. She can't resist the temptation any longer, and kisses her way down Regina's neck, to her collar bone, and beyond, in order to worship breasts that are the very epitome of perfection. With unparalleled patience, Emma presses open-mouthed kisses to the valley between aching peaks. Regina's chest heaves up in down, as she becomes breathless from the sensation of Emma's warm wet mouth on her body. She reaches up, her fingers tangling in in Emma's hair, as she starts tugging, trying to direct Emma's mouth where she needs her most. Still, Emma is stubborn. She refuses to move from her new home. A sort of tug of war begins, as they both assert themselves. Regina groans in impatience as Emma lets the anticipation mount. Finally, after what seems like an eternity, does she press the first kiss to Regina's breast, over where the brunette's heart resides. She quickly redirects her attention to hardening nipples, in a way that leaves Regina unable to do anything else but cry out loudly into the dark bedroom. Emma sucks gently, almost rhythmically, in time to the very pulsing of Regina's heart. And for a moment, Regina thinks she's going to orgasm before Emma's even entered her. Every inch of her body was now seemingly sensitized to the blonde's touch.

 _Dance till its over_ _  
_ _Till the morning brings_ _  
_ _The first ray of sun_ _  
_ _Just hold me close_ _  
_ _You know the road we're on has only begun_ _  
_ _The road we're on has only begun_

Regina is just as determined to pay similar attention to Emma's body, and so she reaches upwards, palming Emma's backside in her own hands, as she begins kneading at the flesh there. Emma moans loudly into the room, as their lips connect once more. In a fit of desperation, Regina tugs her lover down against her own body, so that no space is left between them. Hips collide together, and begin to move in earnest as they both seek gratification.

"Oh," Regina can't help but gasp, as she feels her slick heat collide with Emma's for the first time. Despite their current positions, it's utterly unexpected, and she feels a telltale ripple move through her core as a direct consequence. "Oh god," Regina moans breathily.

"Fuck," Emma rasps as she feels her body respond to Regina's. Feeling Regina's own intimate parts against her own is something they'd never tried before, and she had clearly underestimated just how good that it might feel. "You feel so fucking good against me, baby."

"I need you," Regina groaned as she released her hold on Emma's ass, in favor of pulling Emma's mouth against her own. She moaned loudly into the kiss, as she felt Emma grind against her once more. She felt another telltale lurch of her gut, and she knew that she was close already. " _Please_. _Oh_ _god_. I forgot how amazing this feels."

"Regina," Emma groaned again, as she felt the brunette's lips migrate to the unmarred skin of her neck. She could feel Regina suck at her pulse point in time to their ministrations and Emma, felt herself grow exponentially hotter.

"I'm not gonna last," Emma told her. "I can't believe I'm saying this already, but I'm so fucking close."

"Me too," Regina told her as she met her eyes. "It's okay to come, baby. I'll be there right along with you."

"I can't believe we've never tried this before," Emma spoke in amazement, as she let herself get lost in the sounds that their bodies were making together. "Oh," Emma gasped as she felt her inner muscles flutter, as if to point out that there was nothing inside.

"Emma?" Regina could read Emma like an open book. Just one shift of the blonde's body, and she knew what her lover needed.

"I need you," Emma suddenly whimpered, nearly sobbed, "I need you so badly." Regina reached up and rolled them, so that she was now the one on top. Emma's legs were bent upwards, making a nice little V for Regina to settle into. Regina hovered over the blonde, looking into bottomless green eyes as she took in the moment. She let herself appreciate every feeling, every emotion, as she focused on the woman she loved, now lying beneath her.

 _All the people we've become_ _  
_ _And those we've yet to be, somehow_ _  
_ _I wanna show them just how beautiful you're looking through my eyes right now_ _  
_ _If they could look through my eyes somehow_

Regina kissed Emma hard, her tongue pushing deep into Emma's mouth as the blonde responded in kind. Regina used the distraction in order to buy some time, and began sliding her hand quickly down to give her lover what she needed. She moaned, loudly, as she placed her hand between the two of them, pushing her fingers into Emma's warm, wet channel. Emma made another noise, much akin to a whimper, and sighed in relief, as her muscles finally had something to cling to. Regina began to move inside of her lover, focusing on the wet sounds that every action of hers made. She began a slow rhythm, using her own hips to drive each thrust home. Emma's cries grew louder, each one less restrained than the one before. They'd never made love like this before, and Regina felt more closely connected to the blonde than they ever had before. She knew that they would be trying this again.

"I love you," Regina told her over and over. "You're so beautiful. There are times that I look at you and I…I just can't believe that I'm so lucky. The truth is, I never thought that I'd get to have this. I thought I was always destined for unhappiness… for a villain's ending. But I'll be damned if you haven't made me believe in this."

"You do deserve happiness," Emma told her. "You've worked so hard to overcome the things you've done before. I…I could never love anybody else the way that…" Regina cut her off with another bruising kiss, this one much more thorough and deliberate. No other words were needed. Regina could feel Emma's fingers cling to her slender digits on each thrust, and she knew the blonde was getting close.

"You're so close," Regina told her. "I can feel it. You're almost there, baby. Just let go for me."

"I can't," Emma told her, her own muscles tensing up as she fought back her own orgasm.

"Yes, you can," Regina told her.

"No," Emma said hoarsely, her voice strained, as her entire body tightened up, preparing for its release. "I meant that I want for us to come together."

"You underestimate how close I am to coming, baby," Regina told her. "I'm barely holding on myself." Regina let out a gasp as she felt Emma's fumbling touches against her clit. She screwed her eyes shut as she felt Emma's thumb make sweeping circles over the bundle of nerves.

"No," Emma told her, "Open your eyes. I want you to be looking into my eyes when we both come apart." Regina let out a shuddering breath as she tried to hold off her impending orgasm. She couldn't hold on any longer. Not like this. Her eyes flew open as the sound of her orgasm was torn from the back of her throat. Her body shuddered harder than it had ever had before, during her release, as wave after wave after wave of her orgasm was ripped from her body at the same time she felt Emma clench hard around her fingers. She watched Emma's eyes with rapt attention as the blonde came undone over and over again. Every wave of the blonde's orgasm was both felt and heard, as the two clung to one another in the darkness. Together they rode the waves, until they finally began to wane. Chests heaved together in the darkness as they both sought to replace the air in their lungs that they desperately needed after their intense climax.

 _I'm trying to keep_ _  
_ _This image I see_ _  
_I know we can't stay there (stay there)

 _But still I believe_ _  
_ _That this you and me_ _  
_ _Will always be somewhere (somewhere)_

Wordlessly, they stared into the others eyes, both speechless by what had just happened and the connection that they'd both shared. To be entirely honest, they weren't sure that words were needed. Finally, Emma was the first to cave, a laugh escaping her throat, as her eyes twinkled in mirth. A heartbeat later and Regina was joining in, in earnest.

"Holy shit," Emma said, as her eyes never left Regina's

"I can't believe that I'm saying this, but I was thinking something along those same lines," Regina told her, with mirth dancing in her eyes.

"I mean… You said earlier that that was the best sex you'd ever had," Emma said slowly, "So I guess my question is, where does that leave us now?"

"A whole other universe," Regina told her honestly. "How have we never done that before?"

"I mean…we were always in such a hurry, afraid that we'd be caught, that I don't think we ever really took our time. This time, it felt like we had all of the time in the world."

 _Cause I swear_ _  
_ _That when forever fades into a memory_ _  
_ _Nothing will ever take_ _  
_ _Take you away from me_ _  
_ _This promise of mine_ _  
_ _Is a promise in time_

"Because we do," Regina told her. Regina felt Emma shift against her, and she felt, and heard, the harsh breath that left Emma's lips as the blonde felt Regina's wetness against her. Regina nearly recoiled, still sensitive from their last round of love-making. But the second she saw the desire in Emma's green eyes, she knew that they were not done. Not even close.

"I want to taste you," Emma breathed suddenly, as she met Regina's eyes with an unwavering gaze. "Can I?"

With a slight inclination of the head, the smallest fraction of a nod, Emma received her permission. Regina lost the breath from her lungs as their positions were suddenly reversed. Her back hit the mattress so hard that she bounced back up into Emma's body. But the blonde was scarcely aware of it, as the blonde lost herself in her desire. Eagerly, she began to kiss her way down Regina's perfectly sculpted neck to the hollow near her collarbone. Regina's hand wrapped around the back of her head, holding Emma's lips against her as she licked and nibbled her way down to the territory beneath. Regina's head tilted back as hands, followed in the wake of her lips. Regina let out an impatient noise, as she felt Emma's fingertips trail along the skin of her inner thighs. With a tug, Emma pulled Regina's legs apart, and Regina's legs fell open. In that moment, Regina felt oddly exposed. She was undeniably soaked, and she felt her cheeks color with embarrassment as she felt Emma's eyes on her center.

 _And as we're looking back_ _  
_ _On who we used to be_ _  
_ _With everything I have_ _  
_ _I swear you'll always see_ _  
_ _This promise of mine_ _  
_ _Is a promise in time…_

"You're so utterly beautiful," Emma whispered breathily. And just like that all of Regina's insecurities were gone. Dark chocolate quickly darted up to Emma's face, taking in the sense of wonder etched into soft, delicate features, and she knew she was in good hands. Emma moved back down, trailing kisses along the way to her destination.

Regina's body hummed in anticipation as thin lips slowly encroached on their destination. A moan and a gasp escaped from her lips as Emma's lips met the hypersensitive skin of her inner thigh, then another as the blonde nuzzled soft, dark curls, drinking in the scent of her arousal.

"Oh God," Regina gasped, her hands burying themselves in Emma's hair as she tried to direct her to where she needed her lover most. Emma needed no further direction. Regina tried not to scream as a tongue darted out to taste her, for the first time. Regina's body arched backwards onto the mattress as her hands released the woman, left to clench into fists at her sides as Emma took one bold, sweeping lick, then another and another. She was already so close to another orgasm, and she could scarcely believe the things that Emma could make her feel. No man had ever worshiped her like this…not even close. The truth is, she had never felt anything so incredible in her whole life. Regina squeezed her eyes shut as suddenly two fingers pushed into her, drawing in and out with purposeful strokes.

"Em…" Regina couldn't even finish the word as her breaths became ragged, and uneven. She was left struggling to grapple with the extreme amounts of pleasure. It was almost too much. Almost. It was pleasure and it was pain. And she so desperately needed release. Regina's body tightened up into a tightly wound coil as Emma's swirled her tongue around her, once, twice, before flicking her with her tongue.

"You taste so fucking good," Emma told her, before diving back in. She seemed to be relishing the taste of Regina, a taste of tartness and sweetness, and just a little bit of salt. She decided that she wanted to live there, between her lover's legs, forevermore. She could hear Regina grow more and more vocal with each pass of her tongue and her fingers. Regina shuddered as she became hypersensitive to Emma's touch. But Emma didn't let her pull away.

"Oh," Regina gasped, almost sobbed, "Emma, it's too much. I…I can't."

"Shh," Emma nuzzled her, her nose bumping clumsily into the juncture of Regina's. It was the only clumsy mistake Emma had made during their lovemaking so far. "It's okay, love. Just come for me. You feel so good around my fingers."

"It feels…I feel so," Regina told her, as Emma started moving back up her body. And yet, her fingers remained fixed to the juncture between the brunette's legs.

"Taste yourself," Emma commanded as she took Regina's lips in a searing kiss, pushing her tongue forcefully into the older woman's mouth. Regina moaned without restraint, as she experienced the taste of herself in Emma's mouth, while tasting Emma at the same time. "You taste so good, baby. I love you. I love you so much." Regina felt her the telltale twinge in her abdomen, as her orgasm built and built. "Now let go," Emma commanded. And Regina did. She came undone with a deafening cry. Emma pressed her lips to Regina's in a desperate kiss, while her fingers continued to drag out the brunette's climax. She swallowed, the brunette's screams, as her lover came down. Regina couldn't take it anymore. Her hand darted down to Emma's hand, wrenching it from inside of her own body. She instantly regretted the action however, as she came down harder than she had before. She crashed back down to the earth without a parachute.

"It's okay," Emma husked into her ear, in a voice weighted with unfathomable desire. "You're okay, baby. I love you. I love you so much. I swear that I could live forever in this place, spending the rest of my days with you." Regina eyes drifted shut as Regina felt the heavy exhaustion that she'd felt hours before.

"I'm sorry," Regina told her in a deep exhausted voice, "I'm so tired."

"Then sleep," Emma told her gently as she positioned herself at the brunette's side. "I'll be here when you wake up, I promise." Regina drifted off into sleep, relishing in the comfort of the notion that her lover would be there when she woke.

Hours later, when the first beams of sunlight spilled across her pillow, Regina let out a sleepy groaned, and shifted on the mattress. She felt her body protest. She was sore, a delicious kind of pain occupied much of her body, and she felt a smile pull at her lips. She shifted on the mattress, and felt something warm and heavy shift against her in response. Slowly, she cracked an eye open, squinting against the morning light. She could feel Emma's soft, wavy hair, tickling the bare skin of her chest and shoulders. Sheets were tangle around her legs and feet, leaving much of her body bare, and exposed to the cool morning air. But she wasn't cold…not even close. In fact, she felt hot, igneous, with Emma's warm body pressed against her own. Slowly, Regina turned towards the body at her side, feeling Emma's slide across her middle, moving until it was clutching her side. Regina allowed herself a quiet moment to appreciate the beauty of the slumbering blonde before her. She was painfully beautiful, and Regina felt her heart clench for a moment in wonder. She realized that she desperately wanted to wake up to the blonde like this, every morning for the rest of her life. And the blonde was about to leave. That notion hurt.

The brunette was so lost in her own thoughts, that she didn't notice the blonde's eyes blinking open. It wasn't until the soft moan that escaped Emma's lips that Regina realized her lover had awoken. Emma reached up, her palm sliding against Regina's cheek, that Regina let go of her earlier thoughts.

"Hey," Emma's eyes were startlingly bright in the morning sunlight. They were the grass in the light of spring. They were everything that she associated with Emma. Emma and Regina moved at the same time, their lips finding each other in a kiss that took on new meaning. It was slow, patient, affectionate, so filled with love that they lost themselves in it. They both mewled softly into the kiss, making noises of pleasure as their hands moved over naked flesh. Finally the kiss broke, and they locked eyes.

"I could get used to this," Emma told her. "Waking up to you…"

"Me too," Regina told her, as she tugged the blonde closer, wrapping her arms around her lover in an embrace. "I wish you didn't have to leave."

"I know," Emma breathed into her ear, earning her a shiver from the brunette. "I don't ever want to leave this bed."

"But we have to, don't we?" Regina asked gently. "Because sooner or later, someone's going to break down my door, looking for you. And you've got to go to New York."

"Tell me not to go, and I'll stay," Emma told her, "Consequences be damned."

"I can't do that," Regina replied. "Much as I want to."

"What time is it?" Emma asked as she chanced a glance over Regina's shoulder. Regina felt Emma stiffen against her as the blonde answered her own question.

"That bad, huh?" Regina asked her, her voice lilted just a hint of a tease.

"We have to get up," Emma told her, "It's already past eight, and I've got to start packing." Regina hated how much that word stung. She knew it was more about the blonde leaving than anything else.

"Plus," Emma sighed, "I imagine that my Mom is going to make an unwelcome intrusion into my life any minute now."

"I'll help you pack," Regina offered gently, "It'll go faster with the two of us."

"You'd do that?" Emma asked her, her voice tinged with surprise.

"Of course," Regina replied as she met Emma's eyes, her lips tugging upwards in a smile that took just a little too much effort. "Come on," Regina said as she pushed herself upwards in bed. "You and I are going to do this the way that we always do things. _Together_."

 _Cause I swear…_

 _That when forever fades into a memory_ _  
_ _Nothing will ever take_ _  
_ _Take you away from me_ _  
_ _This promise of mine (this promise of mine)_ _  
_ _Is a promise in time (this promise)_

* * *

 _ **A/N: So yeah... This chapter was basically smut. Sorry...not sorry. ;) You guys don't mind that, do you? Anyhow, I hope you like it. Please give me a quick review on your way out so I know what you thought. I promise there's some more plot to come soon, including a resolution between Emma and Snow, as well as Emma and Jake.**_

 _ **I have so much love for you all! Thanks to the ones who have stuck around this long!**_

 _ **P.S. The lyrics in this chapter are from a song called, "The Promise," by Sam Tsui and Casey Breves. Please look it up on youtube if you have a chance. I absolutely love the video and the song!**_


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